Home on the Wastes
by izzum
Summary: Really, a story with two, or three, maybe four different plot lines. Depending on how you look at it. I got a lot of emails asking what happened to Dizzy, Cain and Zack after they left for New Vegas. Well, I'm working on that. In includes both NV and FO3 universes, respectively.
1. Easy Living

Married life isn't that hard. I don't see what everyone in the world of pre-war was bitching about, honestly. Charon does his thing, and I do my thing, and then we come home and do one another's things. Really. It's almost like nothing has changed since we first gave up our life of adventure and wanderlust. I cook, walk around the town, hang out with Gob, come home, do stuff, hang out with Charon, do some more stuff, and then…that's it. My life is boring, mundane, and pretty much uneventful. And I can't fucking stand it anymore.

"I'm bored."

I tell Charon as we lay in bed together. You know what they don't tell you about married life? That after the kids have gone, after you've given up your adventuring and dangerous lifestyle, and after the pain of watching your children go has dissipated, everything just eventually…gets boring. It's been about a year since the kids left. We hear from them every few weeks, whenever a trader comes by. After the first letter we stopped worrying. It was about four months in, and Dizzy's handwriting, although hardly legible, seeped with excitement and eagerness and joy. It made me miss my own life. My old life. The life that allowed me to live the life I lead now. Back then, something new and different happened every few days. It's been eighteen years since I had real adventure. And the ones with Dizzy and Cain don't count. That was child's play. Charon and I have been together too long to just retire now. I miss the adventure. I committed eighteen years to raising Dizzy and Cain, and it was great fun. A good change. Maybe it's time for a new change.

"We should go to New Vegas. You know, start a new adventure."

Charon looks over and raises an eyebrow at me. Shirtless after a bout of sex, his blue eyes shine in the moonlight.

"Or you could just miss Dizzy and Cain running around."

Maybe it's that too. But I don't think so. Shrugging at Charon, I sigh and stub out my cigarette. Laying down next to him, I stare at the ceiling. Dizzy is fine. According to her, anyways. My maternal instinct that my daughter is in danger hasn't even kicked in, plus the letters Zack sends to Gob reinforce that belief. I'm more interested in renewing the lustful adventures that brought Charon and I together. Even if the sex is still great, and the love is still there, it never hurts to remind one another.

"I miss our lives, Charon. How much fun we had together, all the good memories."

"Yes. Remembering Desmond and Point Lookout is an awfully bright memory. I think of it every time we have sex."

I laugh as he smothers me in kisses.

"Abuse aside, Charon, we had fun."

"And we have fun now."

"Megaton is _fine_. It's going great. The town is flourishing and trade is good. Grass is greener and greener and even goes on for miles. Who says we can't have a vacation?"

"I thought not having to worry about being followed or controlled was our vacation?"

Sitting up, I reach to the small, Charon-made nightstand. Grabbing a pill bottle, I hold it in front of his face and shake it so he hears the lone pill rattle.

"Give me a vacation or I'll slip this in your food."

He takes it and looks at it in the moonlight, trying to analyze it.

"Did you get this from Barrows?"

I nod, pretty proud of my stealthy secret-keeping. I still have it. Somewhat.

"Yup! It's the final product to repopulate ghouls. I'll have you know Nurse Graves is pleasantly with child. And if she can have one, I want one."

"Graves is pregnant?"

"Yup."

"By whom?"

Snatching the pill back, I put it back in the drawer.

"Charon, really? Are you that dense?"

He gives me a look of confusion and I giggle.

"Graves and Barrows have been doing it for years. I can't believe you've never picked up on it. It's his baby. You should give them your support next time we run into them. Though I don't know when that'll be. Pregnant and travelling isn't in anyone's to do list out here."

"Since I've known you, you've had this uncanny ability of knowing far too much about other people's lives. How do you do it?"

"With sheer boredom of my own life. No but seriously. It was bound to happen. Just like us. So. Are you going to give me a vacation or will I force this pill down now so we can get another belly gnome growing?"

Belly gnome. I like that.

"Raising another child seems like the path of least resistance here."

I shake my head.

"Not if Dizzy ever wants to come back home. Then it's jealousy."

"What's she have to be jealous about?"

"Not being the apple of her father's eye."

"That's insane. You know she wouldn't feel that way."

I look at Charon. He looks at me.

"Alright, where do you want to go?"

See? Make an offer of two things you want, and you're bound to get one. Really though I knew Charon wouldn't want to deal with another child just now, so with enough pestering the vacation would have been given up. Running my fingers through my hair I give it some pretend thought.

"New Vegas."

He raises an eyebrow at me. I kind of miss the emotionless mercenary he once was. You know, when our lives together first started out. I was so sexually attracted to this mysterious man of mystery who said nothing in a monotone voice. I'm really happy and proud for his progress at becoming a functioning adult. But it's been eighteen years. I want that emotionless, overprotecting man back. If only for a day. Just remind me of our years together before children and taking down everyone in the Capital Wasteland. And oh fuck I'm old when I think of it that way. I may look and feel young, but I have years under my belt. You can't pretend you're not nearing sixty when you are. Though I'll probably have a long life like Charon. That's what Barrows says, anyways.

"You want to check on the children, then? When Dizzy was left I knew she was worried about me following her. But you? Come on, they haven't invited us. Give them space. It gives us room for activities, too. We can be as loud as we want now."

Charon kisses my neck, and although it's tempting, I have to fight it.

"Charon, you know you want to check on them as much as I do."

He sees through my innocence. Sitting up beside me, he folds his arms and sighs this classic Charon sigh.

"Alright. Talk. What is it?"

He sounds so…normal now. And I love it, I do. But…

"I want you back. The old you. I miss that emotionless, heartless, mean yet adorable mercenary that I met."

He blankly stares at me, then starts to laugh. When I don't say anything and keep a straight face, he realizes it.

"You're serious? Dizzy come on. This is what you wanted. Normalcy. A happy life. And look around, we have it. Now you want to go back to…to being raped, beaten, shot at, abused, and…near death? Have you lost it?"

"No. Charon, I am happy. But this life is what _you've_ wanted. And I did too. I still do, but what's the point of a marriage if we can't fulfill the other's needs? You got a family, and now that's done for the moment, so I want to be reminded of what we use to be like."

"Dez…"

"Charon this is pre-war living. This is what you've wanted. When I met you, you were a killing machine. You spoke properly, and would lay your life down for me because of a contract and slight admiration."

"So you're angry that I've become normal?"

"No. Not at all. I'm angry that…"

Getting up, I walk over to the filing cabinet. In the top drawer, collecting dust, is my Pip-Boy. Pulling it out, I hold it in my hands, as I stand naked in front of Charon. A man is always a man, no matter how normal or not they are. And when you want something, you use your assets. And I know _exactly_ how to convince Charon.

"…You've forgotten everything."

"Forgotten what?"

I smile as I slip on my Pip-Boy.

"How it felt, to make love under the stars. To chase me. To feel the pain of thinking you've lost me. Remember Lily? Remember Tenpenny Tower? And how you _begged_ me not to go off? And how on the way home from your rescue mission, we had sex by campfire? Remember when I came back for you? Charon you can't have forgotten…"

I crawl on the bed, and he watches. Watches like I'm the only woman in the whole Capital Wasteland. The whole world.

"Charon…remember how you kept me warm? And that anger? All that anger you had…this life is fun, and we played our part…but I want my old one back. I miss it. You can't say you don't either…"

I kiss him, and I feel something change. When you spend decades kissing one person, you can tell when things shift. Tell when it's different, when they're keeping secrets, and when they're being something they're not. He pushes me over and pins me to the bed with his legs.

"…If you think, I have forgotten _anything_ of our lives before this, you are mistaken. I think of it _every _moment, of _every_ waking day, and would give anything to do it again."

"Then why are we still playing house, husband? Haven't you fulfilled that desire to have a family, and a normal life? Isn't it time you were reminded of who you once were?"

"I need no reminding, Dez. I know who I am."

"Then show me. Where is that man who would burn down cities just to ensure my safety? Who killed with his bare hands, and watched over me with the eye to kill anyone who got too close?"

The sex was the best. Not that our sex life was lacking at all, I said before it was great. But this…the passion, the raw emotions, everything was exactly like it was before. Before we went silent. Before we retired and hung up our armor and guns. Before we played domestic. And it was just the reminder I needed. He needed. And after everything was said and done. After the town was woken and passion that I thought was just a memory was relit, we lie in bed, curled up just like we did on nights spent without a bed.

"I thought this was what you wanted."

Charon says, kissing the back of my neck.

"It was. It is. But every now and again, a reminder of what we went through to get here is needed. I'm starting to take this life for granted. Let's remind ourselves why we shouldn't."

"You know I cannot say 'no' to you, Dezbe."

I close my eyes and smile. I've missed the aftermath of the sex like this. Where flowers bloom, in the logic of all my dreams. Where he's the only thing I have to lose, and the only thing I refuse to lose.

"I ran into Cassidy the day Dizzy and Cain set out to New Vegas."

He tells me, and my eyes snap open. Rolling over to face him, I stare into those blue eyes.

"Cassidy Rose? Why didn't you tell me?"

"There was no need to."

"I didn't even know he was still alive. What if we run into him?"

"I will kill him."

Kissing him, I curl into his chest. It's not every day you get to meet your soul-mate in this world. Not every day you start a family with them, after spending five years apart, and still love them. Then go off and marry them just as your only child leaves home with a highly advanced android. I like this life, yes, yes I do.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Venture out there? Relive the adventure and remember who you used to be? Who you hated?"

Charon squeezes me, smirking.

"Being a sheriff of this town grows old, Dezbe. I want it, just as badly as you, only I decided the past was best left in the past."

"Why's that?"

"Because I had a family to raise."

I smile at him.

"You are a master of adaptation, you know that?"

"Hm. You learn, with three-hundred years' experience of it."

"I saw the look on your face when we met John. I knew you missed it. You're a killer, Charon. A mercenary. Without a purpose, you grow bored. It's nothing bad, you're just so use to the constant action."

"You as well."

"I think we've been bored long enough."

"We have. And you are right. You are good at detecting secrets. But I have enjoyed this. I have enjoyed raising a family, and all the good and bad things that come with it. However, you are right. It has been difficult. Not my natural setting. Adaptability can only bring one so far."

"As long as you're happy."

"Happier than I ever have been in my entire lifetime. It is good to change, if only for a time. But one never forgets who they are, or used to be. Despite the protests of spoiled little girls."

Sitting up, I smile as the green light of my Pip-Boy replaced on my arm makes everything seem…more romantic.

"I can't sleep."

Charon's eyes meet mine. He knows. I know. We get out of bed, and suit up. I decide to trade in my dresses for my vault suit.

"No armor?"

Charon asks as he puts on his black tee-shirt.

"Good point."

Digging deeper within the filing cabinet, I pull out a set I've never worn. That's collected dust since Dizzy was in the womb. A trader from The Pitt brought it to me. Charon watches closely as I slip it on. Slip into it. I wriggle and move and feel that old lustful and bitchy, witty me coming right back.

"It's called 'Leather Rebel'. From The Pitt. How's it look?"

Charon turns on a generated light in the corner. He stares at me, his shirt partially tucked into his pants, boots laced tight, and dog tags hanging around his neck, shimmering. The generator hums softly, as he looks me up and down. I do a little spin around, the leather feeling wonderful against my skin. I've missed me, and by the looks of it, Charon has too.

"Good. I mean, great. I mean it definitely…"

He clears his throat and holds his hands out to motion to my body. I smile at him, and grab Cain's old shaving razor from the top of the filing cabinet.

"Add the finishing touches? If I recall, I had shorter hair."

Charon takes the straight edge in his hands, and I turn around. Pretty soon, I feel the blade slicing off chunk after chunk of hair. When he's done, I look in a broken mirror shard. It's wonderful. Just like it was when I first left the vault. Shoulder-length, messy, and out of my eyes. I look back to see Charon putting on the top half of his armor, and I smile at it.

"What do you think Dizzy is going to say to this?"

"I highly doubt she or Cain will argue against it."

"Why's that?"

He finishes strapping everything up, and puts his gun on his back. I grab my sawed-off, and clip it to my hip.

"Because they both know better."

We kiss, and on our way out scribble a note to Gob. We say to watch the town, have free roam of the house, that we'll be back soon. I'm confident that after eighteen, nineteen, twenty to save face, years Gob will understand and know. He may like the quiet life, and may enjoy it forever. But Charon, and myself, both have a wanderlust that cannot ever be stifled. And we have a lot of sex to have under the stars, a lot of enemies to make, and even more to kill. It's been a fun time playing house, and we're going to venture back wanting nothing more than to play house again. But right now, we need a break. A nice, long, break.

The night air is cool, and welcoming. Each step we take away from home makes me feel more and more alive. The night beckons, and I'm going to it like a cheap one night stand.

"Leaving the town unprotected makes me concerned…"

Charon says, and as the wind hits my neck in a way it hasn't in years, I look at him.

"Gob, and the townsfolk. They're loyal. He'll explain, they'll understand. Everything will be okay, Charon. We needed this."

Another cool breeze hits my face, and I can't help but feel just a bit more alive than I have in a long time. After all the adventures, and all the changes between Charon and I, there's nothing to be afraid of. Super Mutant population has more than dwindled with their inability to reproduce, and the feral ghouls have almost all starved out. Of course when there's humans, there'll be ghouls, and eventually feral ones for those who can't stand the change. But right now, there's nothing. Nothing to be afraid of.

"Charon?"

"Hm?"

"Remember Fawkes?"

Charon looks at me, as I put my hands behind my head. Something I haven't done in a while.

"Yes. Why?"

"I was thinking about Super Mutants, and how they're dying out fast. I mean there's some popping up, but not as much as there was when I first came out here. I was worried about him. I…would like to see him."

Charon sighs heavily, and I know he's remembering Fawkes. I don't know how the two came to get me, I really don't. I just know that they did, and Fawkes was so kind to me. He wasn't like the other Super Mutants, and not only that, but when Charon and Greta happened he was there. And he gave me advice.

"Underworld was destroyed, Dez."

"Underworld. Not the museum."

"Be that as it may…I don't know if finding him is a possibility. But I promise before we return to Megaton, we will try."

"Thank you."

And I mean that. Because it'd be nice to see an old friend. I probably should have informed Dizzy and Cain about him, in case they had ran into him. But Fawkes isn't the violent type. He wouldn't look to pick a fight. He would run, and they would realize…he isn't like the rest of them.


	2. Why Don't You Do Right?

(Dizzy)

My parents have no idea. Not one. All those happy letters I send them…they don't even describe half of it. I'm sure they think we're wandering around, looking for some place to stay, enjoying life. And alright, the last part is true. We are enjoying life, but we sure as hell aren't going around looking for a place to sleep at night. You see, here's what's going on. And how it all happened.

We got here and quickly realized how in over our heads we were. With that tower lighting up the sky, the robots guarding the Strip, and the Kings patrolling everything in that grotto hell-pit outside the Strip, Cain, Zack and I knew instantly we had to come up with something, and something fast. So I made real nice with the Kings. Cain wasn't a fan of it, and we had more than enough arguments about it. But there wasn't any sex between any of the King's members and I. I just pretended that there would be. And they liked the idea of a woman they could chase. Once the King gave us all slips-in to the Strip, we swore we would get them back for the favor. And we did. Oh, we did.

The Omertas, Chairmen, and White Glove Society were the top three names here. That, we also learned pretty fast. Of course there's some lower names, but none owned the top three biggest Casinos. Actually it was a stroke of luck that we ended up here. A big one at that. You see I accidentally met Nero. I didn't mean to, but we bumped into one another, and his bodyguards were all over me. They searched me like I had done it on purpose. But I didn't. And when Nero and his thugs, especially Big Sal, realized their mistake, he was ready to make it up to me in any way he could. I don't know really, why he was so taken with me. When I told him I was from the Capital Wasteland, he was more than just slightly interested. It was his own doing, really.

Giving a lady you don't know access to one of the top three casinos in the Strip? Mistake one. Showing that lady who you think is all about you the ins and outs of how it works, is mistake two. Then offering that lady a job after trying to get inside her pants? Mistake three. I knew as he showed me around Gomorrah, as I saw the dancers, the Brimstone, and the courtyard, that I wanted it. I wanted it all. Every last drop. I think he saw that in my eyes, because he said if I worked hard I could have the world too. But I didn't have to work _that_ hard.

Big Sal was the only one in my way. Cain and Zack were on board, if not a bit skeptical. They didn't understand how three people could bring down one of the biggest names on the Strip, without getting killed or ambushed. With all the time Nero spent with me, I learned. And I explained it to Cain and Zack. We weren't 'taking them down', you see. No, we were simply taking Nero's place. Most of the Omertas were loyal to Nero and Sal because of the money, and here, whomever has the money, has the power. So when I asked Nero to bring in some dancers, promising him a good time if he let my two friends in, he obliged.

Now, at all the casinos here, you have to check your weapons. Only those who run the place are allowed to carry anything of the sort. But what Nero and Sal didn't expect one very, very, important and crucial detail. That both Zack, and Cain, took lessons from my father. I told Nero about my father too. When he started bragging his stupid head off about how he was in good with Legion, and that he only tolerated the NCR due to their services to the casino. Really I don't give a shit about this place enough to get involved with their politics. I just wanted Gomorrah. So anyways, I tell Nero about my father, a trained mercenary, and trained by the Brotherhood at that. He let me know that they probably had information at their decrepit base somewhere in the Mojave about him. That peaked my interest, but we're getting off topic.

No weapons, right? So it's a few dancers, Sal, me, Nero, Zack and Cain. Nobody else, and that was just a lucky streak on my end. So when I gave the signal, they sprang to action. It isn't hard for Cain to kill someone. We had to kill many people on the way here. Same for Zack. Difference being is that Zack didn't get as much one-on-one time with dad as Cain did. Of course the dancers went insane, mad, but once the deed was done, it was just us. And Cain looked right at them, and said to get back to work in their spots outside the private office. We became the leaders of the Omertas. And after that, the rest is history. Everyone followed suit, and Cain makes it a point to run the joint with respect and not fear. He doesn't buy anyone's loyalty, he earns it. Something Nero didn't do. Zack didn't want to run it, said it was too much responsibility. So he took on Big Sal's role, and Cain goes to him for everything. They do business together, and that's nice. I got the beautiful casino that I wanted, and I manage the dancers. If I don't like one of them, they're gone, no questions asked.

Mom has no idea. Dad has no idea. I walk around here in this silky pre-war see through robe and something a bit less than underwear underneath. And the heels. Oh I had no idea outfits like this even existed. Back home it's always armor this and safety that. I'm safe within these walls, and I hardly leave. My chem supplier comes to me. And I get food, and the best of the best. Cain makes sure of that. He doesn't quite agree with my chem usage, but as long as it's not a habit, he's tolerant of it.

Cain walks around in this pre-war suit, too. And he looks positively sexy in it let me tell you. The dancers learned first and foremost, Cain is mine, and mine alone. If we invite one of them into our bedroom, than they listen to me. They pay him no mind, and do as I say. Cain likes it, as most men would, but he's just happy to keep me happy. Right now I'm lounging in our bedroom. Sipping on some classy bubbly liquor that makes me giggle. I have my own vanity here, and my needs are taken care of. I see the door open behind me, and reach for my gun, that's always on my hip. It's just Zack, though, so I smile at him and take my hand away.

"Special occasion?"

He asks while I put some color on my face.

"Cain is taking me out to the Ultra-Luxe tonight, you know that."

"He mentioned it. Something about me taking over for the night. Finally getting tired of being inside?"

I laugh and turn to face him.

"No way. But getting out once in a while is good. Cain wants to treat me."

"Cain treats you…a lot."

"I know. Aren't you happy here, though?"

Zack looks around my bedroom. He nods his head, staring at the giant bed Cain and I get to sleep in every night.

"I am. It's not home, but for right now, it is."

I smirk at him, lighting a cigarette and enjoying this a lot more than he is.

"You really miss that ol' dump, huh?"

"Coming from the girl who plays GNR whenever she can. How the hell do you get it out here anyways?"

"Holotapes. Recordings. And just because I enjoy the Capital Wasteland music more than the Mojave Wasteland music says nothing about me missing home."

Zack sits on the edge of my bed. _My_ bed, not his. I've become unusually over possessive of my things since taking over Gomorrah. It's mine, and not theirs. Sighing, Zack runs his hands over his face, the suit of the Omertas not befitting at all. I won't deny it, he looks a helluva lot better in some armor or Capital Wasteland garb. Not the style here. The style here fits people like me, and Cain. Not Zack, who still pines for home like some wayward puppy. Just to piss him off more, I switch on the music and it's the song 'Jingle Jangle Jingle'. Something from the Mojave Wasteland radio. I even hum along to it to further piss him off.

"This place is nice, and fun. But, it isn't where I belong. And it's not where you belong, either."

I raise an eyebrow as the music causes me to snap my fingers a bit while I play with a pre-war tube of rogue. I think mom and I would get along just fine here. Dad and Cain could rule over that Mr. House fellow just fine. After all, they took down the Brotherhood. And a handful of others. What's one more faction?

"I feel like I belong right here, Zack."

He shakes his head, standing up and blowing cigarette smoke out of his mouth.

"No. Look at yourself. Playing high-class, pretending you know about organized crime and money, but I can see it in your eyes, Dizzy. I can see it plain as day, and everyone else does too. You're just a little girl, pretending she's classy shit, trying to gain some independence from her parents. You're nothing like any of the ladies here, and they can smell it on you. You belong back home, in the Capital Wasteland, fighting Super Mutants. Not profiting some science experiment to cure them. You're use to lawless society, and now you're stuck with rules, regulations, and caged in. Eventually, you're going to want to leave. You don't belong here, Dizzy."

I glare at him. I glare because I'm too angry for words. Zack takes my angry look as his cue to leave, slamming the door behind him. Frustrated, I stand up and toss everything off of my vanity, while the radio plays 'Stars of the Midnight Ranger'. What does he know? Who does he think he is? I love it here. I have status, class, and a damn good and dangerous image. Mom lived here for five whole years, without dad, so why can't I? Why can't I belong somewhere, too? Angry at the music playing on the Mojave radio station, I flip it off and insert a holotape. They're not labeled, and to my luck, it's 'Way Back Home'. I don't get angry at it, instead, I enjoy it.

Going around my bedroom, I lightly touch everything. The things I brought here from home. A picture I found in a pre-war house. My old Raider armor. Picking up my top, I hold it in front of me. I hear my bedroom door open again, but I don't care who it is. I stare at the shirt in my hand, feeling a twinge of loneliness. Maybe…maybe there's some truth to what Zack said. I do miss home. I'll admit it. But why? Why do I miss it? I never had any fun there. I didn't have any friends. Then again, do I have friends here? I spend all my time alone, or with Zack or Cain. The dancers fear me, and the people we do business with are just that. Business associates. I have my own home here. I have this entire casino at my disposal. Money seeping from every pore of my body. But…is it worth anything? To me, it is. I can buy clothes, liquor, ammunition. I can't remember the last time I needed to pull my own gun. We hardly go into the Mojave Wasteland. We simply don't explore. We found the Strip, and that was it. Followed beaten pre-war highways, fought animals we'd never seen before. Enemies we'd never heard of. Getting here was such fun. Setting this place up, was just the same. So…why do I still feel so empty?

"Are you going to Ultra-Luxe dressed like that?"

Cain says, as I hear the familiar sound of his gun being set on the nightstand. Setting down my shirt, I look at him.

"What's wrong?"

He asks me, and I can tell he's tired. Running this place is never easy. There's taxes, and payments to make. Girls to take care of, patrons to watch, liquor to restock, and chips to count. It's rare to see him without a cigar or cigarette in his mouth. Back home, did we ever have this kind of stress?

"Cain? Why'd we leave home?"

Taking off his jacket, Cain falls onto the bed, red sheets fluttering under his weight.

"For adventure and independence."

"Did we find it?"

"If you're asking, than you already know the answer. What's on your mind? A dancer tell you to go back to D.C. again?"

That's happened before, since our speech and ways of doing things are noticeably different. Shaking my head, I sit beside him, kicking off my heels and letting my silky robe brush his vested chest.

"No. Zack came in here. I think he misses home, and his dad. He said we don't belong here. That I don't belong here."

Cain opens his eyes and looks at me. I feel his hand rubbing my shoulder, pulling down the silk robe.

"We don't. It's almost like…this is a different universe than what we're used to. It was fun, but now, that fun seems to be wearing down. I love running the casino, having everyone listen, and being in command, but…what I wouldn't give to see the stars back home."

Due to the constant bright lights here, there's no stars. You can't even see them outside of the Strip. You have to go pretty far out, which we don't do. Back home, anything goes, really. Here, Zack is right. There's rules, and regulations. Caged, he said. He said I was caged, and until Cain mentioned the stars, I didn't understand what he meant. Back home, not even Megaton has walls. I know it did before I was born, but there's nothing keeping you in or out. You can come and go as your please. Tunnels connect the city to the Wasteland, rivers of pure water flow for anyone to take. And there's no taxation.

"You miss home?"

Cain sighs, and nods his head, still rubbing my shoulder.

"I do. I miss home, and knowing what to expect. I miss seeing the wanderers pass by Megaton, seeing the traders, and seeing the dangers from a safe distance. Here, the dangers are always watching you. When we took over the Omertas, we let everyone else know that it was possible. Protecting yourself here, not knowing who you can trust, and it all comes down to money…always…"

"It was survival back home…"

"Here, it is, to an extent. We can go into the Mojave Wasteland, but back home, Diz, we had no factions. No gangs, no sheriffs of any kind except for Charon. But in the Capital Wasteland, Diz it was amazing, and we hardly explored any of it before high-tailing it out of there."

I lay next to him, suddenly losing the urge to go to Ultra-Luxe.

"Instead of going to Ultra-Luxe, let's leave Zack in charge. Let's go to the Mojave for a night. Play some survival game. Find happiness in a warm gun, like dad does."

"That sounds…pleasantly inviting."

As we hang our pre-war outfits up, and trade them in for the armor we came here in, I can't help but feel torn. I love it here, and yet, Cain was right. We never took the time to first explore where we came from. We just plopped ourselves into this lifestyle of parties, drinking and money-laundering before either one of us had the chance to figure out what truly made us smile. Plus there's Zack. I'm not upset he came with, but I wanted something for me and Cain to enjoy. An adventure. Like the adventure we had while getting here. When the truck broke, and we had to walk. We knew if we kept going straight, things would fall into place. And they did. We made it here. 'Civilization' plays as Cain switches the holotape. I find it befitting.

"It's civilized within these walls, Cain."

He turns to look at me, smiling while he puts his gun on his back, just like he used to. It's not the new, small gun he keeps at his waist. It's the one my parents gave him.

"So let's get out for a night."

I smile back, more than just agreeing. We share a kiss, and slip out the back. Zack knows we're going out anyways, so he'll stick around and handle business when he realizes we're gone.

Slipping out of the Strip isn't easy. There's only one way in or out, and that's patrolled by robots. But, we're able to leave unnoticed, and we always carry our admission cards so we can be let back in. Cain has a Pip-Boy, but he doesn't wear it. He uses it for portable music, and it never disappoints. As we leave the ghetto outside the strip, and our feet touch the cool, desert sand, we exhale breaths of relief. It's colder here at night than back home, but you get used to it. If you're native. Reaching for the gun on his back, once we're a mile out and away, Cain smiles. I take his Pip-Boy and turn on the music, as the Lucky 38 tower shines and glows in all its phallic glory. I always figured whomever built it must have been compensating for something.

"The stations out here suck."

I tell Cain as I'm trying to work the Pip-Boy. This one is modified. Usually they wouldn't work without being on someone's arm. Having been tinkered with, this one proves quite difficult.

"Well, it can play holotapes, but I doubt you brought any."

Getting mad at the whole ordeal, I hand it back to Cain.

"Let's just go shoot stuff and get it out of our system."

That's a good way to say it. Getting it out of our system just may do the trick. Sure we're homesick, but we're nothing like Zack said. At least, I'm not. I miss home, I'll admit that. But here, in New Vegas, on the Strip, I'm happy. I have everything I could have ever wanted. And really, I don't have to be like mom and dad to know that Cain loves me. I don't need to run off and destroy factions and all that. That's politics. I don't do politics. I do money. Cain tells me they're one in the same, but I don't care. Mom destroyed the factions on the East Coast because they invaded her shit. They took dad and messed with their heads and all sorts of terrible things. I don't have that here.

Nobody knows who Cain is, or who created him. Frankly, I don't think anyone really cares. The Brotherhood of Steel is a joke out here, since all their troops were wasted on the Capital Wasteland. And even if they did, it wouldn't matter much. We're heavily guarded, protected, safe. I'm not my mom, though, I used to want to be. But why fight for a love, when you already have it? Cain doesn't have to prove anything to me. I still get butterflies, and I'm still happy. Why push the issue so much?

Playing this whole shoot 'em dead game is fun, and we do run into a lot of things and people to shoot. But once we're done, and the sun starts to come up, we start heading back to the Strip. Lucky 38's tower dims slightly, with the sun rising over it, but that's fine with me. I'm tired, smelly, dirty, and probably unrecognizable. I look forward to a hot bath and being pampered by the dancers. Something Megaton couldn't ever have offered me.

"Feel better?"

Cain asks, grabbing my hand as we push through the Kings Palace.

"Yeah, a lot. You?"

"Definitely."

And so we got it out of our system. I don't miss home, or adventure, as much as I did before. I'm happy to walk into the Strip, and into Gomorrah. The dancers still dance, and inside is dimly lit. The smell of hard liquor and tobacco hits me hard. Cain guides me through, and back to his office, and into our bedroom. I peel away the armor, sweat making it stick uncomfortably. Cain does the same, and we call a few girls up. They take the clothes away, while another draws us a hot bath. You don't get this kind of service back home.

"Your bath is ready."

She says. I stopped learning their named. I don't care to. I just look at her, and nod. I feel sore, tired, and I can't wait to wash off all this grime and get into bed. As I watch the dancer leave, she takes a long look at Cain as he takes off his shirt and begins to unbuckle his pants.

"Can I help you?"

I ask her, with a dangerous undertone to my voice. They need money to support their chem addictions. Crossing me is a quick way to get right on the street. All the girls want to work for Gomorrah, so finding one to take her place won't be an issue. She makes eye contact with me, while holding open my bedroom door. I don't expect her to argue with me, but she does. She shuts the door, faces me and folds her arms. I narrow my eyes at her, ready. Cain turns around as he grabs his own bathrobe from a wall hook, and I feel him watching me.

"Actually, you can."

I smirk at her, giving her a coy look.

"Sorry doll, but we don't want a slut in our bed tonight. Now, why don't you scamper on out and go hustle some money, huh?"

"My name isn't 'doll', it's Sarah. And if you don't want any sluts in _his _bed, why don't you excuse yourself and go work the pole? Go back to the East Coast, you rookie."

"Brazen of you, considering I control your income, and life."

"I'm sick of being scared of someone like you! You have _everything_! And how did you get it? By sleeping around and getting lucky?"

I storm towards this 'Sarah' person. She, like I figured, gets scared and backs against the wall. I put my face really close to hers, and speak in a low, calm voice. Just like dad would when he got mad. Guess I'm more like him than I thought.

"I have never slept with anyone, except the man you can't seem to stop staring at. And if you don't like how I run things, you can take your sorry ass out on the corner, or I can kill you."

"You wouldn't."

I take my gun from my hip, and point it to her head.

"Try me."

She smirks, so I pull the trigger. Cain jumps a bit, but has no reaction to it, really. He's use to me pulling stunts like this. It's not too great for business, so I don't do it often, but right now it's behind closed doors. Blood covers my half-naked body, face, and the wall. I step back, looking at the mess, feeling more than a bit powerful. Turning my head, I look at Cain.

"Get someone up here to clean this up. I'll meet you in the bath."

He nods, walking towards me. His arms wrap around my waist, and pull me into a passionate kiss. I think it's kind of crazy, that killing gets us excited. But it doesn't bother me. I enjoy it. I enjoy, that we're still this close, while being this young.

"I love you, you know that?"

Cain whispers, tugging at the flimsy bra I wear.

"I love you, too. Get someone to clean this up. And I'll make it up to you before bed…"

There's no argument. He ties his robe and heads out to get someone. I smile, take a bottle of liquor off of the shelf, and head into my personal and beautiful bathroom. Megaton, I miss you, but sweetheart you do not compare to this lifestyle. This power.


	3. Like Some Men Do

(Zack)

I've been in love with her since…well since she became a sexual being. I can't really fuckin' say when. The feelings have always been there. We never really talked much, an' hell, we ain't never had nothing to really talk about. But spending time here with her, with Cain being so busy, I've gotten to know her a hell of a lot more. Coming here, I thought I'd be joining my two friends on some…romanticized adventure. Growing up how I did, with the horrible past of my mother's dead, although I can't remember it I was so young, I never wanted a life of adventure. Cain and Dizzy just, probably needed some help. So I tagged along. An' I can keep foolin' myself for what it's worth, but I know better. I fuckin' know better.

The feelings…shit I thought they'd go away. I thought being around her would drive me up a wall insane. It didn't. It fucking didn't. I just fell deeper and harder. More in love with her now, than I ever have been before. Maybe it's because of how much she resembles Dez. Dez, always took care of me. Or maybe it's hormones. Fuck I thought I outgrew that shit when I stopped puberty. Guess some things never really change though.

Don't get me all wrong and fucked, though. Cain is great. I love the bastard like a brother. But the boy's naïve. He's dumb and stupid and I _know_ he can't never leave Diz, but still. He runs this place and spends all the dimes he has on her. Every last bit. I can't destroy my friendship with him over a woman. Over Dizzy. Cain trusts me. I trust him. We're partners in this, even though he knows just as well as I do that I don't wanna fuckin' be here. I want nothin' to do with this Strip bullshit and all the rules. I miss home. The walls, they block the wind. The lights block the stars, and the noise blocks the silence. Back home if I was upset over this crap, I'd walk into the Capital Wasteland and just enjoy it. Enjoy the breeze, stars and silence. Here…here isn't my home.

I worry about my dad too. I'm all he's got. All he's ever had since mom died. Now I'm out here, chasing boyish emotions and doing less than kind things to people. He raised me better than that. I'm not saying Charon and Dez were bad parents. Shit from what I witnessed they were amazing. Dizzy is just working out some stupid urges and I'm hoping she's going to get rid of them soon. I don't want to leave this place without them, but it's been a year and I'm nearing all sorts of ends of all different kinds of ropes.

It looks cool, dressing in pre-war mafia outfits, and carrying easily concealed weaponry. Dizzy looks fantastic when she puts clothes on, and even when she doesn't. Cain and I are respected, as well as feared. I have women at my disposal. You'd think this was some amazing life. Having all you could ever want, and imagine. Shit, though, it isn't. This is not what I wanted. Not what I imagined. I wanted to settle down in Megaton, or Big Town, or somewhere. I didn't want to come here, and do these things.

"What's on your mind, sugar?"

A sultry, wispy voice comes from my doorway. I have my own bedroom here, just like Cain and Dizzy. I look over to see one of the girls. Jasper. She comes to visit me, but never in a sexual way. We talk. Have conversations. She comforts me, in a way I respect.

"Oh, nothing Jasper. Just…thinking."

"About that lady friend of yours?"

Jasper knows there's a woman that I love. She doesn't know who she is, she just knows. Fuck I didn't even have to tell Jasper, she just knew. It scared me, because I wondered if Dizzy knew, but Jasper told me only some women can see it. Said she was special.

"Come in, shut the door. Sit and have a glass with me."

I have a bottle of wine, and I hold it up to her. Jasper smiles, and sits next to me on my bed. I pour two glasses, and hand one to her. She lights two cigarettes, and hands one to me. She has green eyes. Deep green, too. Ones that you'd think would shine in the dark. And dark hair. Dark like…like the night. With a hint of blue. She's beautiful, and that hardly covers it.

"Jasper, why do you work in a place like this? Do you actually like wearing that? And getting treated like…"

She clanks her glass against mine.

"Like a whore, Zack. It's alright. But, you know I'm just a dancer. I don't do private shows. That's why I'm at the bottom of the totem pole, and out of Dizzy's sight."

"You didn't answer my question though."

"...It's not so bad. The bodyguards protect me, and I say when and if a guy can touch me. I'm in control. After a while, you just get used to it, ya know? But, I gotta say, things sure have cleaned up around here since you three came into it. I get treated better, anyways. By everyone."

I smile at her, and she smirks back. Why can't I waste my goddamned emotions on someone worth it? Someone like Jasper? She's kind, and sweet and soft. And happy. Even in this den, where the sun hardly shines, Jasper always has a smile for me. Always. Thinking of it, I've never seen her upset. She's always positive. I know there's no way Dizzy will ever be my own, and part of me is alright with that. As long as Jasper is around, anyways.

"Are you always so optimistic?"

Ashing my cigarette, I lie back on my bed and put my legs behind Jasper's back. She sits, smiling, smoking and drinking. It's too early for her shift, so I'm not worried about her missing time or getting into it with Dizzy. If it's one thing Dizzy pays attention to, it's who has to work when. Something about Cain I suspect. Even though he would rather die than cheat on her. Jasper leans back a bit, resting her back on my legs. She gives me a shrug, and a small smile. I like her smile. She's perfect. I just wish I could love her like she deserves.

"My mother always told me that life is too short to be angry. And sad. She said, once in a while, it was healthy to let anger and sadness out, but…it was better to smile. Because when you smile, someone always smiles back."

And she does just that. Smiles wider than I've ever seen, and you know what happens? I smile back.

"See? I told you. You're too handsome not to smile, anyways."

"Oh you think I'm handsome now?"

"Don't fish for compliments. You know you're handsome."

I sigh and put my cigarette out. Putting my arms behind my head, I yawn, due to the lack of sleep. I feel Jasper moving close to me, as I examine the inside of my eyelids. She's never spent the night with me, or day, depending on what time schedule you're on. It's new, an' I kinda like it. A lot.

"Where's your mom and dad now? Aren't they upset over you working here?"

Jasper nuzzles her face into my chest, and I put my arm around her. I can feel her breath through my shirt, and my fingers trace her milky white skin. It's rare out here, to see a girl with skin the sun would burn instantly. But Jasper…hopefully can erase Dizzy from my mind forever. I wouldn't mind losing the emotional battle to her. Fuck. I'm screwed.

"They're dead. They died when I was young. I've worked on the strip, in casinos, my entire life. I never left the walls of the Strip, never left this place."

"…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up anything."

"It's okay, really. I've never told anyone about them. Nobody cares to ask, and if they do, they're just customers. I don't get close to customers."

"Smart girl. How…how did they…"

"Die? Actually, it was the White Glove Society. My parents owed them money, and couldn't pay. They tried everything. Then the White Gloves said they would take me as payment instead. My mother cried, and my father fought. But, even the love of parents couldn't fight a slew of people. In the end, they lost their lives, and their daughter. Sometimes, I think it would have been best, if they just handed me over. At least then, I'd have them."

Opening my eyes, I look down at her. Her shimmery, long black hair, and her bright green eyes look right into mine. I've never seen her sad, but I can see the water in her eyes. Shit.

"What about you?"

The way she asks reminds me of…I don't know, but it's kind. Motherly, and caring. Like this woman actually gives a Molerat's ass about me, and doesn't want to shoot me in the end. Fuckin' women. They're the bane of my existence, and I can't stand them.

"My mother died when I was a baby. I don't…have any memories of her. My father is back home, on the East Coast, in D.C.. My hometown, Megaton. He's…probably worried sick about me. I'm all he's got left, really."

Jasper smiles, and her hand hugs mine as I stroke her hip. She has curves. Wonderful curves. Curves, every woman should have.

"Is he as handsome as you?"

I laugh at that, and it startles her. She sits up, knees under her. I sit up too. There's no windows in my bedroom, there's no real windows anywhere here so time is always lost. I don't really give a fuck at this point. If Dizzy has any problem with Jasper, she's going to hear it from me. I can't pull any fuckin' strings yet, because I have no idea where this is goin'. Shit I don't even know where I'm going let alone someone else.

"Jasper, my father is…different."

If she's a ghoul bigot I will look past those doleful eyes and bashful lashes and ask her to leave. I am half ghoul. I carry the same genes as Dez, and Dizzy. I guess I never realized how fucked I was with these genetics until now.

"Different?"

"He's a ghoul."

The look on her face tells me she's more confused than shocked. It's to be expected.

"Jasper, I was never supposed to be born. Now, my family doctor, he's made it possible for ghouls to reproduce. But when I was conceived, that wasn't around. So it was an accident. My mother was a human, and my father loved her. They loved one another, and I was born. I have an immunity to radiation, and often drink it to deal with sicknesses and wounds. If you're not comfortable with that, you have to tell me now."

Women are confusing. One minute she's looking at me like I have six heads and now there's tears rolling down her face. Jasper stands up and goes to stand in the middle of my bedroom, her shoulders shaking from crying. I roll my eyes because I don't know what to do. I don't know why she does this. Fuck I don't know why anyone does. But I know from living with Dezbe, and growing up around Dizzy, that a guy is supposed to help out. Or else they're an asshole. Or the cause of it. Either way I'm screwed.

"Jasper, hey, what happened to not being sad?"

I stand up and rub her arms. She turns to face me, her cheeks flushed a bright pink.

"I'm not sad, Zack."

What? I stare at her, and take my hands away. I don't want someone walking in and thinking I'm the bad guy.

"I uh…couldn't tell."

My seriousness makes her laugh. She wipes her face off, and I breathe a sigh of relief when she smiles. Her lips are red. If you've seen the red lights, flashing at the Lucky 38, you know the red I'm talking about.

"My parents were ghouls. I mean, they weren't when I was born. But, we got caught in the middle of some sort of fight with the Boomers and they launched a pre-war missile. I didn't know those things were packed with radiation. Neither did my parents. We were safe from the blast, but, they got the worst of it. Over time, they began to transform. Everyone…thought I was adopted. But, I wasn't."

"Is that why the White Glove Society were so quick to kill?"

"Bigotry. I didn't know, that there were people born from ghouls. Real ones. Not, to sound mean but…I don't feel alone anymore."

She hugs me, putting her face right on my chest. I don't know what to do with my arms, so I wrap them around her. It isn't because I've never been with a woman. Dear Atom I've been with women. But none I gave a damn about. None I was all up in arms over an' ten times confused about.

"I…want to share a secret with you, Jasper."

Looking up at me, she raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah?"

"But you _can't_ tell anyone. I'm serious, you can't. Because my ass will get on fire and I don't do well under pressure. Cain either. And I can't be fightin' my best friend out here."

For one quick moment, Jasper reminds me of Dizzy. Of how Dizzy got close to Nero, without ever really giving anything up. But that image fades, because I've never tried with Jasper. She's never asked, and shit, I'm telling her to make her feel better. I think. I'm not sure.

"Dizzy…also has a ghoul father. And a human mother."

"She's your sister?"

That. That right there makes me laugh. I let her go and shake my head.

"No. No she's not my sister. Her mother and my father are very close friends. But her father…boy…"

"What?"

"You know Cain? Well, picture him a ghoul. A bit more muscular…and a lot more scary. A lot more."

Jasper tugs me back to the bed. We sit down and she looks at me like I've hung the moon or some shit.

"I've never been outside these walls. I've never left. Tell me about the East Coast, about Megaton. About how you know Cain and Dizzy and…all the amazing medical things. There's nothing here, Zack. Nothing, and damnit you know it."

"…Alright well. Back home, I'm the oldest. Dizzy's parents, Dezbe her mother, and Charon her father, helped take care of me. I have fond memories of them. Barrows and Graves, they're the ghoul doctors, and together, we're all very close. Like…a family."

It took coming to New Vegas, and having a dancer whom I never would have met if not for this trip, to make me see just what I've left behind. I feel her hands over mine, and she looks at me, right in the eye.

"What're they like? I…I never had a family. I was only ten when my parents were killed."

"My dad, he's wonderful. Sure he was a hard ass to me growing up, but he was also my friend. I could talk to him about anything. I still can. After my mother died, we left Underworld, the ghoul city where we lived, and returned to Megaton. He put up shop with a woman named Moria. Business only, though. They fixed things, traded, and invented weapons for Dezbe and Charon. When Moria died, she left him everything. He still lives there, rebuilding pre-war vehicles, making things for the local children, modifying and maintaining weapons. He's wonderful. Maybe you'll uh, meet him someday."

"I'd…I'd like that."

Leaning forward, Jasper kisses me. It isn't sexual, or passionate. It's just a kiss, and sweet at that. Sitting back down in front of me, she eagerly pulls me closer, smiling.

"And how do you know Dizzy and Cain?"

I light another cigarette for this. Jasper won't know…the truth of it all. But enough. Just enough.

"Cain is a lot younger than me. He was about five or six when Charon and Dezbe brought him to Megaton. He's adopted. Soon after his arrival, Dezbe and Charon got bit by the parenting bug, and Dizzy was born. I was the oldest, so I babysat. Cain and I grew closer with age, while Dizzy…she strayed a bit. But recent events brought us all back together."

"What about your town? Megaton?"

"Well. It's one of the safest places in the Capital Wasteland. Second only to Rivet City. And there's grass, and farms, and a crater. When it rains, some of the kids, myself included, would slide from the edge of the crater, and right down into the middle. It was fun. My father, and Charon and Dezbe joined in once. Dizzy was too small. Cain was there. I was older, but, the fun…the fun was irresistible."

"It sounds wonderful…why come here?"

"Dizzy needed independence. Her parents are…sort of legendary back home. They brought pure water to the land, and made it so we could continue to live in a lawless society."

"Lawless?"

"That's right. Lawless. You can come and go, cities are free, you just live to survive. Work together. You bond in a way…that doesn't seem to exist here."

Jasper lies down, and I lie with her. We yawn, and only after I let myself relax does it hit me that I'm goddamned exhausted. Wrapping my arms around Jasper, I hear her whisper as she falls asleep.

"Take me when you go back…"

"Sure."

Shit. I don't know if I will, or if she'll even really want to go when I decide to head home. But right now, I figure it doesn't matter. It makes her happy, and she makes me happy. Coming here may not have been for nothing after all.


	4. Cara Mia Addio

(Dezbe)

"My feet hurt!"

We've been walking for…forever, really. I don't know the days, and I'm too stubborn to look at my Pip-Boy. The sun has risen and set ten times over. We've slept for days, or maybe hours. Fact of the matter is Charon and I don't give any fucks. We're having fun out here. Like we used to. But different. Neither one of us looks over our shoulders, we don't worry about running into enemies. Because right now, we don't have any. Sure there's people out, the further and further we get from home. But they're easy picking. Loud enough to wake us up, loud enough to hear miles away. Dumb enough to not know how to protect themselves from the sun. I'd forgotten, how barren it gets the closer you get to the middle of the country.

"Perhaps we should rest?"

Charon is always the voice of logic and reason. I pretend to be annoyed with it but hell I fucking love it. Love, love, _love_ it. Turning around and walking backwards, I stretch in my armor. Charon's eyes wander to my momentarily bare naval.

"Rest? Or, 'rest'?"

"Rest as in actually sleeping. Pushing ourselves like this is not good."

"Eh?"

His eyes meet mine, and I drop the silly act.

"We have been out of this for too long, Dezbe. Your body needs time to adapt to the Wasteland once again, whichever one we may be in."

"And what about yours?"

He shrugs, adjusting his shotgun on his back.

"I am adaptable, and spent my life forcing my body to sudden changes. You know this."

"Yeah. Remind me that I spent eighteen years rearing children. Who, incidentally, turned out more fucked up than me if you can believe that.

Charon and I take some shade under a cliff overhang. It's not safe, but for the moment we don't particularly care. Unloading our small packs, and taking our guns off, we lean against different rocks respectively. Charon looks at me, concerned, and not hiding it well.

"You feel they are fucked up?"

I sigh, running my fingers through my hair.

"I love Dizzy. She's my daughter. And for eighteen years, Cain was my son. I saw them as brother and sister. I support them together. I want them to be together, because it couldn't be more right but…at the same time…"

"You wonder that if perhaps, things could have been different, had we not found him?"

Yes. I…wonder what things would have been like if we never found Cain. If it was just me, Charon, and Dizzy. Dizzy though, she's angry. Angry and violent. I don't know why. It must run in the family. I wish she wasn't. Hopefully, Cain can curb that anger. Get rid of it, and…make her the wonderful and beautiful young woman I watched drive off to New Vegas. That girl, is the girl she's meant to be.

"They would have met."

Charon says, and I look at him. His voice jars me from my thoughts. I never minded that happening. Not once.

"What do you mean? Cain would have been attached to someone else. You know that."

"No. Not particularly. Had we left him there, had you left him there, he would have become a Raider with the other boys. And Megaton is always a target. Dizzy would have rebelled, and found her way to them. To him."

"You talk as if you know this for a fact."

"You don't feel the same?"

I can't deny it. As I think about his words, while the sun sets before us, I have to agree. Girls will rebel, regardless. Cain would have been a different person, but still Cain. Although a different name. I smile, thinking of how similar their meeting to mine and Charon's would have been.

"No, I do. Imagine that, though. I bet, she would have been in the same situation as we were. Cain may have been ready to kill her…"

"… And he would have disobeyed."

"Runs in the blood?"

Charon looks at me, and opens his arms. I don't hesitate to make myself comfortable in them. I feel him kiss the top of my head, and I close my eyes.

"I want you to know, no matter how they would have met, Dizzy would still be, as she is now. A young, angry girl, looking for her place. Just as her mother was. Looking for the place she was most welcome. Most safe. And in love with a man, who is going to take his time growing into those feelings. Who is going to hurt her, make her cry, but in the end he will always, always love her."

His words remind me of how wise he is. Because of all he's been through. Because of being controlled for so long, and now finally understanding humanity. Charon won't ever admit it, but I think he truly loves humanity. For its beauty, as well as its hideous. I'm not too proud to admit, that I feel the same way. If it wasn't for the grimy, dirtier parts of life, the happy ones wouldn't seem so happy, or shine so bright. Everything balances out. Everything in the end comes together.

"I'm proud of you, Charon. And…I hope those two dim-witted kids of ours will realize things a lot faster than we did."

"That is a daring hope, Dez."

"It was daring to buy your contract, too. Daring to fall in love with you. Daring to push your buttons, and force you into this world. Do you regret any of it?"

"No."

"Not even the times we spent apart?"

"Not at all."

I pull away and give him a look. He has about ten seconds to explain himself before I knock him into last Wednesday.

"We would have never been able to realize how much we cared for one another, had we never been separated. And we have learned from that. At least, I did."

He's off the hook. For now. I lean back into him, yawning and welcoming sleep.

"Yeah. Me too."

So we fall asleep. His arms wrapped around me, tight and warm in the cooling night air. Before I get beyond the point of no return, I remember, this is the safest place for me. Right here. In his arms.

When I wake up, the children are still fresh on my mind. Charon sleeps silently, and peacefully, as I get up to greet the rising sun. I've missed this part of being out here. The part where you wake up and see the sun on the horizon of a barren yet beautiful Wasteland. I guess, though, I never expected this. I didn't think being a parent would open so many new worries. I know that was naïve to think, but I thought, after they left, I'd have no worries. Really, I don't. I know they're safe, and I know that they'll be fine. What I worry about isn't if they're eating and getting enough sleep…it's if I did a good job.

Cain is so much like Charon, that it blinds him to seeing the truth. He's just as emotionally aloof as Charon is and was, only, in a different way. In a normal way. I personally find it quite amusing. How similar they truly are, and yet how different they can be. It's Dizzy, I worry most about. Cain, like Charon, will adapt and survive by any means. But Dizzy, is a lot like I was, except worse. She has…no concept of danger. She was raised out here. Before leaving the vault, the worst thing I'd ever faced was a Radroach infestation. Dizzy is so use to thinking every enemy is a Raider, or Super Mutant, that she has no idea the real enemy could be her best friend. Could be the person she met while travelling, or someone she came to trust.

"Hey."

I hear Charon say as he comes up behind me. I sigh, and lean back into him, knowing if he's too far away, he'll catch me.

"Morning."

"What are you thinking of?"

We stand and watch the sun slowly rise. Soon it'll be too bright to look at.

"Dizzy. I'm worried about her ignorance to the world."

"It has been a year. I am sure, her ignorance has been tested."

"Not if they're in the Strip. Not if they've made it that far. If they're within the walls of New Vegas, than they're facing a whole different kind of enemy."

"Like what?"

"Organized crime."

"We fought the same."

I shake my head and turn to face him.

"No, Charon. The organizations we took down were trained in military. The men in New Vegas, want money, and power. They don't go into a fight with guns drawn. They go into it with open arms and trusting smiles. Dizzy hasn't ever fought a battle like that."

Charon rubs my shoulders, and hands me my pack.

"She will do fine."

"How are you so sure?"

Charon smirks as he begins walking. Without much of a choice, I follow.

"I am sure the fear of visiting parents will force her to fix whatever mess she is in."

"And how do you know she knows?"

"Gob."

He smiles at me. Gob. That man would have sent a letter by now. And it'll certainly reach them, before we do. I hope she's cleaning house, because Charon and I won't take kindly to anyone hurting our daughter.


	5. Jingle Jangle Jingle

(Cain)

I can't help but laugh as I hold Gob's letter in my hand. The walls of my office often times, feel like they're closing in on me. A constant stream of patrons, potential dancers, people asking for money, and other bothers wears down on my nerves. My desk is dark brown, smooth, and my chair made from some sort of bird I don't feel exists in this time. Taking over the Omertas wasn't my first choice of how to get things done around here, but it was effective. And to be frank the doors to doing so did open rather easily. I didn't know what to expect, when the three of us stepped foot onto the Strip for the very first time. The only thing I thought of, was that it was nothing like the Capital Wasteland, and certainly nothing like Megaton.

Yet despite the business, the constant nagging from other Omertas, the whining of the dancers, this place is fun. Not what I wanted, or expected, but fun. At least it keeps Dizzy quiet, and trust me that is a very good thing. From growing up with her I can tell you, she tops the list of nagging. In fact, if bitching and nagging was a sport, she would win. Every goddamned time. But I love her. I love her despite that and her recent love of running around naked. Love is about that. Loving someone because and despite their faults. It's also about not compromise, but giving all you can selflessly. Dizzy will realize soon enough that I don't want this, but I've never complained and done it all to make her happy. She'll realize it and then come to terms and lead us back home. I hope, sooner rather than later.

Regardless of that, the letter I hold puts a genuine smile on my face. Just as I'm finishing it up, Zack walks in. He's been more than just slightly miserable since getting here. He's homesick, but doesn't hide it as well as I do. Today he looks…slightly different. A glow to him. His hair is a darker red, more close to Gob's brown, his delicate features look a bit more…masculine. I've heard Dezbe say constantly Zack looked more like his mother than his father, and although I was too young to have met Nova, I could see where she got that idea. Right now, he looks more like Gob. A bit tougher.

"Get laid?"

It's the only logical solution. Not only has he gotten laid, but probably fallen in love. Great. Leaving might be a bit more difficult now. Zack sits down in an armchair near the edge of my desk. Helping himself to one of my many cigars, near some pre-war decorative weighing system, he lights it and leans back.

"Nope, just slept eerily well for, well, New Vegas living. What's that?"

I wave the letter, and set it down.

"Charon and Dezbe are on their way here. Oh, and your father says to get your ass back home, since trade has been increasing steadily and he needs the help."

"What?"

"Yeah, seems that there's more people leaking out of Vault 101 who need armor and weaponry. Guess he needs an extra set of skilled hands."

"Not that you dumbass! Charon and Dezbe, are they really on their way here? To New Vegas? How long before they arrive?"

I push the letter towards him, and grab a cigar for myself. I can feel my pre-war suit tugging at me, and personally I hate the damned thing and prefer my duster outfit much better. But, you can't run a business like this without looking like a businessman.

"Didn't say. Only that by the time we got this letter, it would probably be a couple of months. They're coming by foot though, so a bit longer than it took us to get here. Should we tell Dizzy or let the surprise scare her?"

Zack skims the letter, smirking at the parts his dad tossed in about him needing to be home. The smell of our cigars fills my office. After reading, he sets the letter back on my desk. I take a bottle of whiskey and pour us both a glass.

"You're underestimating them, Cain. Pretty sure they're going to make it here just as fast as we did, even without the truck."

"You think?"

"Charon's daughter is in New Vegas. Do you really expect them to take their sweet time?"

Shrugging, I sip my glass. A dancer walks into my office, but I wave her away.

"Knowing Dez, it's been a long time since she's had an adventure. She'll enjoy it for a bit, giving us time to figure out our next move."

"Next move?"

"Should we stay, or should we go?"

Zack laughs, and I raise an eyebrow.

"Hey, you're with Dizzy. If she doesn't want to go, you're not going to make her."

"That's true. But she misses Megaton. And the Capital Wasteland."

"Bold assumption."

"When we were in the Mojave, I could tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted to be back home fighting Super Mutants, and not giant flies."

Zack and I touch glasses, in the hopes that Dizzy will soon want to uproot and leave. We can just walk out, there's nothing stopping us, and let Gomorrah simply fall to the hands of whomever wants to own it. I have a feeling, though, that if we don't get our shit together soon enough, Zack will just leave on his own. It won't be anything bad, but there's only so long he can be away from his father. Which I understand. Zack has no ties to myself or Dizzy, that are so important we need to be together at all times. If he leaves, I'll just meet him in Megaton.

"When we go home, I want to take someone."

I set my glass down and raise an eyebrow.

"Someone? As in a person? You can't just take them like a litter of puppies, you know."

"You know what I mean, Cain. Her name is Jasper, and…she asked to come with us."

I clap my hands, holding my cigar between my teeth.

"And the reason you slept so well!"

At that moment, before Zack can protest, my office door slams open in a way that I just know it's Dizzy. She walks in, pretty as ever, but with clothes on. Actual clothes and not that underwear she usually wears. Actually she looks quite nice in it. Pre-war outfit, short dress, and slight heels. Wearing pre-war jewelry of all things.

"What's the occasion?"

There's not many reasons for her to dress up like that. Actually, there aren't any reasons for it.

"I got sick of being mistaken for a dancer. I'd put on my armor if it wasn't so…violent-looking."

She sits on my desk as always, kicking off her shoes and putting her feet on the arm of my chair. She spins me from side to side a bit. A habit of hers. I don't mind, I just make sure she doesn't spill my whiskey.

"Fair enough. Anything you need to talk about?"

Dizzy shrugs, waving at Zack. Moments like this reminds me we're still a bunch of dumbass kids out here. Except for Zack. He's got us beat by at least ten years.

"Nope. Just bored out of my mind."

Been that way since our night in the Mojave, but she's too goddamned proud to admit it.

"I have something I need to talk to you about, actually."

"Oh?"

"Your parents are on their way. We don't know when they intend to arrive, but I'll have Omertas on the lookout for them."

"Are you fucking shitting me?"

Zack points to the letter, hiding a smug look from her. I can't help but smirk back at him. We've both wanted out of this place. We're too…shit we're not from here. This isn't our place. Sure it's fun but gambling, chems and women, we'd trade those in any day for an hour exploring our home and having a night fire.

Dizzy picks up the letter, skims it a bit, and then angrily crumples it into a ball before tossing it on the ground in frustration.

"I can't _believe _them! We just get here and get all sorts of settled and then they think it's all fine and fuckin' dandy to come here! I'm not a kid anymore! I don't need them checking up on me like one!"

I sigh, and rub my temples. Zack decides to bite the bullet for me on this one. A generous offer, and I think I owe it to Jasper for this newfound gall of his. I'll up her hourly pay, significantly, if he's serious about her. After all, she's going to need a shit ton to trade if she truly does go back with him. Can't venture back home in the Gomorrah outfits.

"Maybe they're coming because they know this isn't where you belong, and instead should be exploring The Pitt, and Point Lookout and the Capital Wasteland before first coming here, hm?"

Dizzy glares at him. Shit if she could kill him with that look, he'd be dead six times before he hit the ground.

"And what made you so damned cocky all of a sudden?"

"Zack met a girl. He's in love."

"I said no such thing!"

"Didn't have to. Anyways, Diz, are you familiar with a dancer named Jasper?"

She snorts and waves her hand.

"You act like I care enough to get to know them. What with them always eyeing on you."

I pull her into my arms. She squirms a bit, but I'm stronger.

"You know better than to think that way, Dizzy."

"I still think that way. Anyways, no. I don't know a Jasper."

I shrug at Zack. That's a good thing, though. If Dizzy doesn't know her name, it means Jasper has done one hell of a good job staying out of her line of fire.

"Well, Zack is going to take her back to Megaton with him, so play nice."

Dizzy gets mad. But mad at the fact I dared bring up home. Not at the whole Jasper thing, which is really good. Means she's made progress. And slight priorities.

"Back home? Since when? I didn't say I was going anywhere."

"Zack can come and go as he pleases. That's all I meant by it. You can stay, we can stay, for as long as you want."

"Good."

"But you know what I miss?"

"Yeah? What?"

By now Zack has stealthily moved from his chair and is making his way towards the door. I give him a look, and he waves. We'll catch up some more later. Right now we both have women to attend to. And I feel that mine is a lot more temperamental than his.

"The view. The night. Having fires in the desert. Knowing that no matter how far we went, home and safety were just around the bend."

I can tell Dizzy misses it too.

"You too? Seems everyone misses that place."

"It's our home. And we don't belong here."

She gets up and heads to the door, forgetting her shoes. I don't bother to remind her.

"Yeah. Maybe."

And that's it. A seed has been planted, and all we can do now is wait. Wait for the arrival of Charon and Dez, and then wait to go home. I don't mind those odds, since Charon won't allow his daughter to run this place alone. Not that she can, but she does understand she has to love me as much as I love her.

Standing, I stretch and pour myself another small glass. Zack finally found a woman. That's good. See, I'm not stupid. I know why he came, and I know how he looks at Dizzy. Though I trust him enough to never come between us, it bothered me. Emotions are fickle, and sometimes I wish I was more like Charon. Then I wouldn't have any. At least, how Charon was, before Dezbe. And a bit before. But I'm not, and I have a hard enough time dealing with my own emotions for Dizzy. I can't take on another burden or responsibility.

Still. I worried when they were alone and always made sure to keep an extra close eye on him. Went as far as to have a fellow Omerta go and watch the two while they walked around the grounds. I'm sure somewhere in the rulebook of friendship, that doesn't fall under 'trust', but I know better than anyone else, that without Dizzy I cease to exist. I have to be near her, touch her, protect her. I haven't thought about what may happen if someone else came into the picture. On my end that's impossible both due to programming and my own emotions for her. Her end? She's stupid and impulsive, it doesn't take much to see that. She's got a fast temper and can't control her emotions. Not to mention the intensity of those emotions. Wouldn't surprise me if the King himself was able to come in and sweep her off her feet. What was his name again? King. Right. I always felt it was something else.

We paid them back for their services when we were in Freeside, though. And paid them well. They run rampant here now, though few of them. Free Gomorrah games, dancers, and food. Not to mention they're working on a casino of their own, modeled after that pre-war icon they worship. Nice enough guy, in my opinion, but great with words. Especially when it came to women. Because of him though, Freeside isn't as bad as it was when we arrived. He's got more allies, and he wants to make the place better for everyone, and not just the people rich enough to gain access to the Strip. Being here reminds me why Dez fought so hard for the Capital Wasteland. Shit like this, doesn't work.

Organization. Law. Gangs. It all doesn't work. At least, not out here. The NCR and Legion are two sides to the same triangle. One needs the other to survive and both are equally as useless. Guess Dezbe realized the same thing in her time here, and knew it would be best if the Capital Wasteland was kept away from people who wanted power. She always told me if you wanted to truly test someone's character, to give them power, and see what happens. I have power. I don't abuse it, or run shit into the ground. Actually I'm rather fair. So I suppose power either doesn't suit me, or I just don't care enough for it to. Mr. House, he has power. And he has control of the robots. They will come in, and fuck your day up if you do something out of line. Like shoot someone. Which is actually fairly normal in Megaton.

Setting my glass down, I walk around my office. Another thing Megaton has is pure water. We're careful not to mention that part, to anyone, when telling about the Capital Wasteland. Almost everything around here has radiation, much to Zack and Dizzy's benefit. But for the people, eh. They deal with it just like everyone else did in the Capital Wasteland before pure water was rampant. With Rad-X and Rad Away. But, if someone like Legion or the NCR found out, people with enough resources and followers to actually make it there and cause trouble, I think Dez and Charon would be right back into their old ways of the game.

That actually may give Dizzy a push to return home. No, I'm not considering letting it slip to one of the gangs around here just how valuable the Capital Wasteland is, but maybe seeing her parents will incite her to go home. Find some trouble over there before getting neck-deep in this shit. Pre-war was forever ago. Centuries ago, really. I'm more partial to the whole survival thing than the 'let's pretend the Great War never even happened'. It did happen, and by trying to rebuild it, we're going to end up with another war. Politics are messy, I know, I have to deal with them more than I'd like.

My office door opens once more, and I sigh as I look to see who it is. It's just Dazzle, a prostitute with a Med-X addiction. One of the chems I don't usually carry, due her constantly asking for them. I wouldn't put it past her to break in here if she knew I had a stash.

"Hey honey."

Dazzle is persistent, I'll give her that. But I back away from her, making an excuse to put out my cigar so she doesn't try to touch me. I don't need to be caught in a compromising situation if Dizzy were to come back.

"What do you need, Dazzle? Another issue with a John?"

"You know what I need, boss. I'm gonna have to get some Med-X from you if you want the quota for the week."

"You know I don't carry those. Deal with your issues some other way."

She puts her hands on her hips. The outfits here don't leave much to the imagination. But with Dazzle covered in sores, and bruised up, I wouldn't want to imagine anything.

"Like how? Being a hooker ain't one of the easiest jobs you know."

Zack walks in behind her, lucky for me. He knows Dazzle, we all know Dazzle, and we all agree that if she wasn't bringing in so much money she'd be out. Nobody wants to do it with a hooker who has visible scabs. Some of which are fresh, too. Zack walks past her. Even though it's common knowledge of what his mother's profession was before she passed, everyone also knows that the second she was free from doing it, she stopped. And she never developed any form of addiction whatsoever.

"I wouldn't know, actually. Is there anything else you need, or are you just being a nuisance?"

Zack comes over to tell me something quick.

"I'm taking Jasper out of Gomorrah, even though it's her shift. Mind handling Dizzy if she gets mad over it?"

"Sure."

We whisper and he leaves. Jasper must be something nice if Zack is taken with her. He's usually not prone to giving his time to the women around here.

"Sure, help him out."

Dazzle says as Zack takes off.

"Look, I don't have the chems you want, nor do I have the means of getting them. If you want some, work for some. But if I catch you working for free again you're out of here."

"Nero wouldn't have ever let me get this bad you know. He traded me Med-X for…"

"Your services. Frankly your services aren't wanted here. Now, if you'll kindly leave, I have work to do."

"Yeah? Like what? Ain't like today you have much to do."

Dazzle knows when it's a slow day. She bugs me on slow days. Dizzy comes in a few moments after Zack leaves. And if it's one woman who can chase away Dazzle and her Med-X addiction, it's Dizzy.

"The fuck you doing in here?"

I smirk, as Dazzle glares at Diz.

"Tell your man to give me Med-X so I can meet my quota. I can't perform with the Johns without it."

"You don't kiss, and don't do rough shit. How you make quota is beyond me as is. Now you can either leave and get back to work, or you can leave and sit on the sidewalk without a job. The choice is yours."

Dazzle takes the job, and heads out. Dizzy shakes her head, looking at me.

"What the fuck kind of a name is 'Dazzle' anyways? Bitch ain't even pretty. She's not dazzling anybody."

"I could ask you what kind of a name is 'Dizzy'."

"And I'd say it's how you feel after I cold-clock you with the ass-end of my magnum."

I chuckle at that. Dizzy comes over and wraps her arms around my waist, pressing her head into my chest.

"So, who did I see leaving with Zack?"

"Jasper, his lady friend."

"She should be working."

"Relax, Dizzy. The guy never gives any of the other dancers the time of day. He's quite smitten with this one."

"Alright. But I want some alone time with you."

"Fair enough. What do you want to do?"

She clears away my desk, knocking over my ashtray, paperwork, and pre-war decorative scale. I don't like that thing anyways.

"What the hell do you think?"

I lock the office door. Times like this, really make me want to stay here. The sexual freedom we have here is amazing, and nothing like we have back home.


	6. Lilly Bell

(Charon)

Dez looks as radiant as she did the day I first met her. Then again, she is also just as insatiable and intolerable, too. One tends to get used to it, after so many years. After so many years of anything, one can either run from it, or learn from it. I chose the latter. Being out here, reminds me of my old self, as well. Of how I was after Dez purchased my contract, and the months and years that followed. I had not realized, how much parenthood had changed me. Even when the children left, I still had not realized it. Being out here, in a foreign Wasteland, with my wife, reminds me of myself. Reminds me of the fun, that came with the bad. I now understand, what Dez means, when she says that the grimy and dirty parts of life, make the brighter parts shine.

I had not realized, how compassionate and understanding I had become. How having friends, a family, and children had changed me. It is nice, though, to return to my stoic self. To be the silent mercenary that I missed being. One always misses their youth. Until recently, I had not even thought of considering those years Dez and I spent wandering all and fighting all to be my youth. I had believed, for one to have a youth, you must first be youthful. But that is not always the case. In my mind, my youth, the fun times, the times where I learned the most, and kept learning, and understood more and more, that is my youth. Although I was two-hundred back then, it was like a childhood to me. I learned so much, of humans and their emotions. About myself, about how to change, and change for the better. People think change is something bad, that one should never change themselves for another, and that somewhere someone will love them as they are. That, is only half true. Change…change is good, in the right light.

Dez walks beside me, the sun lower and lower in the sky with each mile we make. I stare at her as we walk. Her eyes closed, her body casting a shadow in front of her. I look at her hand, swaying by her side, and I take it in my own. Opening her eyes, she looks at me. For a moment, we stop. There are no words between us, as we bask in the silence, in the mysterious Wasteland. We were barely even friends, before this. Before anything between us had happened. I can no longer remember the exact moment, we began to fall for one another. But love came first. And love built that friendship. Parenting, you forget, who you love, and who you built that life with. This journey is to remind us of just that.

I was terrified back then. Terrified first of the emotions she evoked within me, and then, terrified of losing her. There were so many things, so many events happening all at once, that there seemed to be no room for love to grow. Yet it did. Against all my willpower, to prevent it from happening. Neither one of us were prepared for our lives to take us here. Yet, that is part of being human, and not knowing. Winding up in just the right spot, at the right time.

Dez smiles again, and pulls me along by the hand, urging me to continue with her. We feel no need for words. I still look at her from time to time, analyze her unappeasable attitude, and watch her carefully. I still wonder, what a woman like this, is doing with a mercenary like me.

"Dez?"

I say, letting go of her hand to light a cigarette. She copies me, and lights one herself.

"Hm?"

She says, taking the first drag as we walk side-by-side.

"This was a good idea."

"Really? Wow. You never tell me when I have good ideas! I should write this down somewhere…"

"Yes. It feels nice, to be out here once more."

"Only now half the Wasteland isn't trying to kill us."

"True."

She yawns, stretches, and looks at me.

"Wonder if New Vegas has changed any?"

Dez asks, and I am unsure if the question is directed at me. I have never been to New Vegas. I never had a reason to, my contract had never taken me there.

"I would not know."

I tell her, and Dez gets a look of concern across her face.

"If Dizzy is anything like me, then New Vegas is going to prove to be a lot of trouble for her."

"What do you mean?"

Dez sighs, puffing on her cigarette.

"I mean, the gambling, strip clubs, casinos, men of all kinds, the amount of organized crime…everything. There's a lot of trouble to be had there, and believe me, I had it."

"Dizzy is with Cain, Dez. You were alone. I am sure he keeps her out of trouble."

"I think he's getting her into the trouble. Well, not really. I think he's just going to go along with whatever scheme she cooks up."

I raise an eyebrow, suddenly worried about my only daughter for the first time in over a year.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Charon, you and I both know, that Cain is incapable of telling Dizzy 'no'. If she won't get hurt while doing it, he'll condone it."

We look at one another, and I sigh.

"Does this parenting job ever end?"

"Not according to Gob. Sorry, Charon. We're in this for life. We should have another baby when we get home, though."

"Out of the question."

"What's the big deal, anyways?"

I shake my head, remembering the nine or so months Dez was pregnant with Dizzy.

"I want to avoid going through another pregnancy as long as I can."

"The hell are you talking about? I was the pregnant one."

Looking at her, I flick my cigarette to the ground.

"Exactly."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Hey! Hey!"

I ignore her. She knows _exactly_ what that means. If I ever thought she was insane before, her being pregnant in the desert heat was a whole different level of insanity. One that I never dreamed existed. I mean sure, she had days where she was calm and things were good. But I would say that nine out of ten days, she was a raving loon. Something always hurt, which was understandable, but she would never shut up. The whole town had to know. Then the cravings for food, and random late-night outings to find them for her. Not to mention the mood swings. I thank every day that once Dizzy was born, there were hardly any of those left. I still have nightmares over them.

"Well I want another baby, I think."

"And what would you do with it?"

"I would love it, and care for it, and feed it, and call it my own."

She makes a rocking motion with her hands. I am not convinced. One child is enough. More than enough.

"Remember how big my tits got? Thank Atom the radiation got rid of those awful stretch marks. But still. My tits were giant."

"One of the few perks you had while pregnant."

"They just got everything wet after Dizzy was born though. Remember that?"

I shake my head. This is not something I wish to discuss right now.

"Yes. I remember. All too clearly. Why not just enjoy life without children for a while? I feel the Capital Wasteland has had enough of our bloodline for a very, very long time."

"Grandchildren then. I want grandchildren."

I smack the back of her head for that one.

"Dizzy is nineteen, we do not need to have that responsibility."

"It would be her responsibility, Charon."

We look at one another.

"Alright, alright, we don't need that responsibility. Hey, I recognize that boulder. That is a nice boulder."

At first I think she is kidding, but when she walks over to it, she points to something. I see an X carved into it, shakily, with a knife it seems.

"Are you kidding me?"

I ask her, and she shakes her head.

"Nope, I ran into this when I came to New Vegas. It means we're almost there."

"What does 'almost' mean, in this sense?"

"A week, or two. If I remember correctly, I didn't sleep much once I passed this boulder, so…I have no idea, really."

I shake my head at her.

"Twenty some odd years later, and you still manage to surprise me."

"That's a good thing, right?"

I don't answer her, and continue on.

"Charon? Wait, that's good right? Is it?"

I let her pester me. Not giving Dez an answer is the best way to get a rise out of her, and I could use a bit of entertainment for the night. After all, it reminds me of our arguments from the past. Those amuse me.


	7. Like Mother, Like Daughter

(Dizzy)

My parents. They're on their way here, and I have no idea when to expect them. But the last thing I want them seeing is me running around half-naked like the dancers here. Actually, it's just my dad. I don't want him to see that. He would kill me without one word. Yeah. He would. So, I've opted to wear some of the light armor that's present around here. Then again, I didn't like that, so really I'm just wearing the armor I've always worn. My Raider armor. Cain noticed what I was doing a few days ago, and just laughed and laughed. But there's really nothing funny about my parents visiting. I mean, they didn't even send word. Gob did. And by then, they had already left. It would have been nice to have them write to us, asking if they could come, then waiting for our reply before they up and left. But what can I expect? My parents are the two best wanderers of the Capital Wasteland. They don't wait for anyone, or anything. When they want to go somewhere, they go. And you know, to be honest, I really kinda miss my dad.

"Dizzy! Wait up!"

I'm walking around Brimstone, making sure everyone is where they need to be and doing their job. Zack calls my name, and I turn around. Usually he doesn't look for me around Gomorrah, so this must be important. There's a girl with him, too. She's very pretty, and really pale for someone out here. Actually, anyone out here. I don't think she gets out much.

"Dizzy, this is Jasper, the girl I told you about a week ago. Remember?"

Jasper…yeah. I remember. Cain asked if I knew her. So, this is Zack's love interest. They definitely look cute together, and so I figure I should be nice. For Zack's sake. I don't want to hear him or Cain bitching about how I was a bitch to her for some reason.

"Hi, I'm Dizzy."

I say, sticking out my hand. She shakes it, limply, and smiles shyly.

"You don't really hunt me down to talk to me, Zack. So what is it?"

I get straight to the point. Mainly because I have enough to worry about with mom and dad popping up any day. I'd rather dwell on that and fear what'll happen when they find out what we own, rather than what's on Zack's mind.

"I wanted to tell you, that Jasper and I are going back to the Capital Wasteland."

I raise a confused eyebrow at him. He smiles, blushes, and takes Jasper's hand.

"I mean, when your parents leave, we're going to travel back there with them. I just wanted to tell you myself, that Jasper won't be working here."

"Well how can she if she's going to the Capital Wasteland?"

Zack's face turns to shock and surprise. What? I can be nice you know.

"I uh, didn't think you'd be so okay with it. I mean, it's great but…thanks."

"It's your life, Zack. I don't force anyone to stay here. I'm happy you like her enough to take her home to Gob, but just hope she can hold her own out there. The walk isn't easy. We would know."

"Yeah, I remember. But, that's all. We're gonna head off now. Have some things to get for the trip back."

I wave goodbye. I think that's the first genuine smile I've seen on him since he arrived here. Well, good for him, then. He's excited to go back, I think he's had enough to this place. Even Cain has been dropping not-so-subtle hints about moving back as well. It didn't take much for me to get that they both miss the Capital Wasteland. I put up such a damned fight about going home, though, that admitting that I too miss home, is insane. So I don't. Instead I figure, if Cain asks when my parents get here, to go home with them, I'll just say yes. I won't have to let on that I'm sick of it here. That I can't stand being regulated, watched, and confined anymore. I love it here, I really do, but with the robots and the laws, the NCR watching me just as thoroughly as the Legion, I can't stand it. I can't fucking stand it. The money is awesome, the sex is great, the power is comparable to none, but nothing, and I mean nothing, beats the view of the stars in my lawless society back home.

As I think more and more about it, I get turned on to the idea easier and easier. Going home, the music, the liveliness…it's all amazing there. New Vegas thinks it's the party city, but they haven't been to Megaton. Sure it's small, but we can go for days and days drinking and partying. Civilization was a thing to see, but I think it's time to go back to the Congo. Bright lights, robots patrolling, gambling, law…I'd much rather go home to my mattress and shanty house of steel. I will give up my luxurious bedroom, bathroom, and noise, for the silence and simplicity of the Capital Wasteland. Yeah. Going home…that has a warming ring to it. It's too crowded here, to stuffy. And it never rains. Never snows. I miss home. I miss swimming in the river, the one time I did, and I miss having it all at my disposal. The daughter of Charon and Dezbe, I have just as much power there, as I do here. I just never realized it before.

Making my way to Cain's office, I have a few holotapes in my hand from back home. Opening the door, I'm glad he's alone, smoking a cigar and drinking whiskey. I didn't want to interrupt any business he might be conducting. You know, important and lawful stuff.

"Hey pretty lady."

He says to me, smiling. I smile back, and make my way over. Sitting on his desk, I snatch up his cigar and help myself to a few quick puffs of it. Then, I take a nice quick sip of his smooth whiskey. Turning myself to face him, I put my feet on his pants and lean forward a bit. He knows I'm being serious now.

"So I've thought it over."

"Thought what over?"

"And I've decided that…"

"Decided what?"

"…That when mom and dad get here, I want to go back home with them."

Cain lights up like he's just won some sort of lottery. He jumps up, wraps his arms around me, and hugs me as tight as he can.

"Dizzy! That's wonderful! Ugh, I've been so sick of it here. What made you decide?"

I shrug as he lets me go. Leaning back on my arms, I sigh and roll my eyes.

"I feel like a caged animal here. They're too civilized here, Cain. And I've had my fill. I came here to prove to myself I could make it without mom and dad. And I did. I did a damn good job, too, considering. So, I want to go home now."

"The folks are the happiest way back home…"

He sing-songs to me. And in my head, I do the rest. I ask myself why I left the homestead. It's been lonely here. Back home, we have grass. And I miss that feel. The feel of cool grass beneath your toes on a warm night. The stars lighting up the sky so brightly it feels like it's daytime. The stories mom and dad would tell us about those stars, too. Well, mostly dad. But we'd all sit around this fire near the Vault 101 entrance when I was younger. We'd listen to dad talk about the stars, their meanings, and he'd point them out to us while we roasted vegetables over the fire, and enjoyed being up past our bedtimes. The life is the loveliest way back home.

"Are these GNR recordings?"

Cain asks, as he picks up a holotape.

"Yup, that's 'Into Each Life' you're holding."

"I want something…more romantic."

"Romantic?"

Cain picks up another holotape.  
"That's 'I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire'."

"That's your parents' song…hm."

"We don't need any music, Cain."

"This one will do."

He takes it, without even knowing the title, and pops it into the radio he has here. It's 'Crazy He Calls Me', and I smile at him.

"To be home…it feels like forever since we've been there."

Cain says, walking over to me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss his cheek, and smile.

"We're going to have a lot of fun there. Zack is bringing Jasper with him. So it'll be six of us heading back there in one big group."

"Yeah? He's really bringing her?"

"Mhm. It's going to be so much fun."

"For us, maybe. For you…not so much."

I pull away and raise an eyebrow.

"Oh? Why not?"

"Because daddy will be watching you. A whole six months back without any privacy."

I did not think of that one bit. Getting up off of Cain's desk, I put my hands on my hips.

"Well then maybe we'll wait till they leave, then leave a week after."

"Oh no, no way. We almost got ourselves killed when the truck broke down."

"It wasn't that bad."

"…We remember things very differently, you and I."

"Okay so we were outnumbered at times, I'll give you that."

"And hurting."

"That too."

"And half starved."

"Okay well we learned from it."

He gives me a look.

"Yeah, I think we could use some pointers from mom and dad then. Alright fine. But I'm not saying I'm going to have a ton of fun with it."

Cain laughs at me, and ruffles up my short hair. I kept the haircut I had in the Capital Wasteland. You know, really short. Some girl around here called it a 'pixie cut'. Not sure what a pixie is, but hey, whatever floats her boat.

"Don't jump the latch, Diz. You might have more fun with mom and dad than you think."

Yeah. Right. Travelling all the way back to the East Coast with my parents. Fighting alongside them, learning from them, being able to see them in their element. Having dad nag me, and mom girl-talk with me. Listening to stories as we sit around a fire at night, and eat whatever mom and dad can feed us. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize…I am going to have a lot of fun.


	8. Twenty Past Eleven

(Dezbe)

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

Anger doesn't even really begin to describe what's pulsing through me. Rage, hate, a bit of envy and jealousy, and some more rage. Covered in blood, fresh from a Mojave Wasteland battle, Charon and I expected to ask around for Zack, Cain and Dizzy. We haven't rested since sun up, our bodies are tired and exhausted, and our questioning led us to here. To Gomorrah. Charon has yet to grasp the severity of the situation. Mostly because a few of the dancers from Gomorrah are parading around outside, and close enough to catch Charon's eye. Funny thing is he isn't looking at them because of anything sexual, he's looking at them because he's never seen an outfit like that to save his life.

"Why do they wear that…?"

He asks me, still not getting the picture.

"They're whores, Charon, and we have more pressing matters."

I ball my hands into fists as I march up to the doors of Gomorrah, Charon in toe, his shotgun on his back, and my sawed-off on my hip.

"I dislike this place."

Great observation there, Charon. Can't you see why I left? Way too many people policing the area. Although he gets a dose of it first hand, when we walk in and the Omertas ask us for our weapons. Charon's first instinct is to pull his, which creates a standoff. Me, being here before and knowing this, I kept my weapon holstered. But I am _not_ giving it up.

"My daughter is in here, and I demand to see her."

I tell them, angry through gritted teeth.

"Dizzy is _here_?"

Charon says, the rage hardly hidden.

"What'd you think when they said 'Gomorrah', Charon? Some sort of swank and suave day-spa? No. Gomorrah is the grimiest place on the strip. Lots of money, sex, and drugs."

"Sounds like your place."

"It was. A time ago."

The Omertas demand our weapons again, threatening to kill us on the spot. I grit my teeth at them, my hands still in tight fists.

"I told you fuckers, my _daughter_ is here! My daughter is here with her boyfriend. Where are they?"

An Omerta looks at me, a smirk on his face.

"Lady, you think we keep tabs on the dancers here?"

"No, the ghoul said 'Dizzy', you don't think…"

They're still in shock over Charon's size. But then again, the way they look at him…it's almost as if they know him. If they know Cain, than they know Charon. That's the bottom line. But the Omerta saying he doesn't think about something or other makes me worry even more.

"Dizzy is my daughter! I demand to see her at once or I swear to god I will kill every one of you and bathe in your blood!"

Charon looks at me.

"Never heard that one before…vicious."

"Charon. Dirty men are touching your daughter. They are giving her drugs. They are using her for sex. And you're okay with this?"

A shotgun blast tells me that no, he is not okay with this. As the Omertas try to defend themselves, I quickly pull my weapon out and stand closer to Charon, firing off as much as we can, and me reloading every two shots. I'd enjoy this chaos more, if I wasn't so concerned about Dizzy.

"You failed to mention that was taking place here, Dez."

Charon says, as he pumps his shotgun and takes aim.

"I thought it was pretty self-explanatory, dear husband."

"Are you seriously giving me a hard time right now?"

"Yes I am! I am! This is partially your fault!"

I hit an oncoming Omerta with the butt of my gun as I try to pull out more shells. Patrons, dancers, other people, they back far away. The mindset of New Vegas is still the same. Nobody meddles in others' affairs. What takes place at the casino, is the sole responsibility of the casino's employees and owners. In this case, the Omertas.

"My fault? You were the one filling her head with wonderful tales of this vapid hole!"

"Oh that's a new word! Just make that one up?"

"Everybody stand down!"

The Omertas stop their rioting and charging and shooting. I've been grazed more than a few times, and Charon's armor is a bit torn. For good measure he takes a few more shots, just to prove an invisible point.

"Men."

I say to him, crossing my arms and looking for the source of the voice. You know, the voice that called off the Omertas. If I remember correctly, it should be one of Nero's sons. Probably Nero Jr. He was an adamant little prick of a baby. Always screaming his lungs out over nothing. Charon gives me a guttural response, and a blonde dancer walks by. High off some Med-X and uncaring of the dead bodies on the floor. She slips in the blood a bit, and normally I'd laugh. But right now I'm pissed off. Very, very pissed off.

"Didn't expect you here so soon. Can we get some more light in here?"

Just as he says it, the casino brightens. I almost shit my literal pants.

"Cain?"

He smiles, dressed in a pre-war white suit, and a small gun concealed in his chest. I can see it. I have a trained eye. Thanks to Charon. As happy and relieved as I am to see him, I take no chances. Charon and I storm forward. Charon picks him up, and I keep my gun out so no stray Omertas try and rescue him. This is actual family business.

"Where is Dizzy?"

Charon yells, pressing Cain into a wall. All the Omertas are scared, but their 'family' is only as thick as the paper money that holds them together. By Cain's suit and display of control, I'd say he's someone important here. Cain puts his hands up, a bit scared at Charon's display of anger. But then again, his only daughter is running around here somewhere.

"Mom? Dad?"

I lower my weapon when over the noise of the music, and drowned out druggies, I hear Dizzy's voice. I finally spot her in a well-lit doorway. Wearing the very armor she left in, and tears streaming down her face.

"Oh, Dizzy…"

I say, rushing towards her. I hear a thump, and figure Charon let Cain go. Hugging Dizzy, I go from being extremely angry, to extremely happy with her.

"What are you doing here? Don't you know how worried I was? I've missed you so much!"

"Mom. You're crushing me."

Charon's hand on my shoulder causes me to let go. Dizzy looks at her father, and her face lights up in such a childish way.

"Daddy!"

She jumps on him, wrapping her arms around his neck. The dancers and other Omertas stop and stare at this. Charon hugs her back, picking her up as if she weighs nothing more than a light travelling pack.

"I've missed you so much, dad."

Charon, for a moment, lets his emotions run free. Both he and Dizzy weep silently as she swings around his neck, climbing on him as if he's her personal plaything. Then again, Dizzy being slightly smaller than myself, since I was vault-raised, and Charon being as large as he is, it isn't difficult. She makes his way to his back, like she did as a child, and hangs there, laughing. I've missed that laughter more than I care to admit. And I've missed seeing my husband's face so full of joy. Charon and I can make one another happy, but a child can bring a happiness no one else in the world can bring. It's beautiful, even I'll admit that.

Cain makes his way over, and I'm still mad at him I realize.

"What the hell were you thinking bringing her here?"

I demand, putting my gun back on my waist.

"I didn't! I mean, I didn't bring her here. She brought herself here."

"You better explain that."

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. Dizzy slides off Charon's back, gripping his legs as she sits on the ground.

"I haven't seen her smile like that since we got here…"

Cain says, absentmindedly. I smile at the view, too.

"Come on, let's go to my office, I'll explain it all there. Dizzy, you need to be there, too."

Dizzy looks at Cain, pouting. This tells me there is more than just a lot they're not telling me.

"Fine."

She says to him, getting up and leading the way.

"Come on mom, dad. I'll show you where we've been living. Zack's around here somewhere. Or out on the Strip. He'll show up soon I think. Unless he's with his lady. Then don't expect him."

"Zack has a girlfriend?"

I ask her, as she leads us upstairs. Zack hasn't had a girlfriend in I can't remember when.

"Yup. Real smitten with her, too."

I look at Charon, and he looks at me. I shrug, no idea as to what's going on with anything right now. It seems both Cain and Dizzy have grown, and Zack, too. They look the same, but there's something about them. How the people here listen, and move out of their way. I have my suspicions, but I'm not ready to share them with Charon, in case I'm wrong. Charon seems really on edge right now, too. The excitement from seeing Dizzy quickly vanished, and he's been on guard since we started walking. I nudge him a bit with my elbow, but he doesn't react. It reminds me of our earlier years together. When we first met. A shudder goes down my spine. Charon is on guard, in a guarded area. Something isn't right here.

"Here we are!"

Dizzy yells, throwing open wooden doors to a spacious office. Charon looks around, and I take a seat. Unimpressed. Dizzy instantly notices and comes over to me.

"Mom? Mom hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I've been here before."

Charon turns around faster than a speeding bullet. I begin to light a cigarette, and grab a bottle of whiskey from an end table near my feet. Place hasn't changed in over ten years. Go figure.

"You _have_?"

I nod at Dizzy, taking a sip. Looking at her, it almost seems like she's upset over it.

"A decade or more ago. Give or take. Nero Sr. was quite the charmer. Though he never charmed me. I just needed caps to get by. He was dumb enough to play into it. So why don't you tell me how you two are here?"

Charon comes and stands behind me, his hand resting on my shoulder. I feel his fingers squeeze my armor, and I look up at him. His eyes are focused dangerously on Cain and Dizzy, as they walk around to the other side of the desk.

"Yes. Tell."

Something is up. I block out about 90% of their tale. Because I smell something rotten, and it isn't me. After so many years of trickery, I know when I can smell a trap. Funny thing is, this doesn't seem like one. The story checks out, the Omertas listen, and they have this place up and running fine. So what is it? Charon is by all means better than me at sniffing these things out, and by the way he's carefully analyzing every little object within sight, I'd say he's smelling something even more rotten than I am. Thing is, nothing seems out of place. As Cain and Dizzy finish up their story, filled with pride might I add, Charon and I silently agree to play the proud parent role, and the slightly disappointed role. He's going to be slightly disappointed.

"It all sounds fun, but I'm disappointed in you, Dizzy."

See? I told ya.

"Why?"

"You're better than this. Than these dancers."

"I can get a few in here if you like. They do stuff."

As soon as that leaves her mouth, she regrets it. Cain gives her a look that makes me want to laugh, but I stifle it. Charon sighs loudly.

"Well, that's nice honey. I'm happy for you, making it here all on your own and doing…this. As long as you're happy, we're happy."

"Thanks mum."

Don't mention it. Really. Don't. I didn't know what to expect when I came here. I'm not even sure what I came here looking for. Adventure? To check on the children? I'm sure I wasn't expecting this. I don't even know how to digest all of it.

"Cain, why don't you show Charon Brimstone? It's his kinda place, right?"

Cain shrugs, and Charon nods at me. I'll scope out up here, while he scopes the rest of the place. You have to understand that nothing, and I mean nothing, sets off our suspicious behavior. When it's active, it's active for a reason. As soon as they're out of the room though, I start talking to Dizzy.

"Something here isn't right…"

I say as she sits on Cain's desk.

"Watcha mean? I was kinda mad when Gob sent the letter saying you'd be here, but now I'm happy. I really missed you guys. I miss home."

Raising an eyebrow, I look at my mini-me.

"You miss home?"

She nods her head, swinging her feet so they lightly tap the desk.

"Yeah. It's too bright here. Too caged in. I was hoping…you'd let me and Cain and Zack and his lady come back with you guys…we…kinda had a hard time getting here…"

Words can't express the relief that washed over me when she said that. I didn't hesitate to run over and give her the hug of all hugs. I didn't come here with the intent to drag her home, but boy, I'd rather have her with me and Charon than here with Cain. Mainly because, like I said, there's something really unsettling about this place.

"I'm so happy to hear you say that. Are you sure you want to come home? You know the doors are always open to you, but you've waited your entire life for this."

Dizzy smiles at me, as I step back.

"Mom, it's taken my entire life to realize, I don't belong anywhere except home. I need to go to Point Lookout, and upturn some rocks in the Capital Wasteland before I conquer the rest of the world. It's been fun here…"

"But?"

"But the NCR and Legion have been watching Cain and I real close lately."

And that's it. That is what triggers it. Fear washes over my face, as flashes of the Brotherhood of Steel ring in my eyes.

"Mom? You okay?"

"What about the Brotherhood? Are they still jokes out here?"

Dizzy knows a bit of them. But not everything. She doesn't know the Outcasts, and she doesn't know about what they did to her father. Dizzy laughs, though, waving her hand at me. It doesn't soften my worries.

"Yeah, I hear there's only a few dozen of them left. They have a base somewhere underground in the Mojave. I don't bother them, they don't bother me. Never even seen them on the Strip. I don't even think they're allowed here."

"I think we need to find your father."

Dizzy looks at me, suspicious, but knows better than to question it.

"Everything is okay, right mom?"

I don't answer her, instead, I just leave. Dizzy just may have gotten herself in a whole slew of shit. There may not be time to rest, either.


	9. Trouble on the Homefront

(Cain)

Charon watches Brimstone carefully. I know what he's doing. I'm not stupid. I haven't forgotten anything he's taught me while I've been here. The problem is that I didn't want to bring it up in front of Dizzy, and I didn't want to bring it up so soon after their arrival. But nothing gets past Charon, and I was stupid and short-sighted to think that I could pull it off, even for a day.

We stand in silence, overlooking the dancers, customers, and few bodyguards.

"How long?"

He asks me, and I know exactly what he's talking about.

"Two months."

"Does Zack know?"

"No. I tried to keep Jasper, Dizzy and Zack away from it."

"Jasper?"

"Zack's girlfriend."

Charon nods, and lights a cigarette. A few dancers walk by and whisper about us, pointing. They're not one for subtlety.

"I see then. We should leave here quickly, and quietly."

I run my fingers through my hair, sighing.

"Dizzy wanted to show Dez around. She's proud of herself, if we leave so soon, she'll know something is up."

Charon watches some Omertas in the corner carefully.

"How deep is the trouble?"

"Deep. There have been more and more NCR around. Dizzy doesn't know, she's concerned about herself, really."

"We cannot stay here any longer."

Charon's different. He has a different tone to his voice. He was always monotone, but this…this is something I've never witnessed before. Like how he was when I first met him, below the Citadel Ruins. I look at him, a bit intimidated by his presence. Charon is different. I can see it in his eyes. I don't know if it's from being away from Dizzy, or if Dezbe and him had some life-changing adventures.

"We can't let Dezbe and Dizzy know there's distress."

I'm adamant on my stance to at least wait a day. I know Dizzy, and I know that she will suspect something if we leave right away. What other reason would there be, to leave without notice, in the dark of night? Without telling anyone, to just simply go? Even the most dense person would suspect something. And that counts Dizzy.

"Dezbe is also well aware of the trouble here. You do not spend over twenty years travelling the Capital Wasteland, without first learning basic survival skills. Dizzy is a child, she will not protest."

I get parents. I know how they act. But Charon still treating Dizzy like a child, is giving her no room to grow, despite her maturity rise since coming here. I know she acts like a brat, but she runs the dancers like she's something out of hell. She's driven. What she's driven for, I have yet to figure out. But I know Dizzy, and Charon needs to know when to let go.

"Dizzy is an adult now, Charon. You have to treat her like one."

He gives me an intimidating look. Although we match one another, I know Charon will always win in a fight against me. He has experience, and wisdom beyond my years. He won't show mercy, either, if it means choosing between me or Dizzy. The look he gives me, sends shudders down my spine.

"Dad! Dad!"

Charon and I turn around to see Dez and Dizzy walking towards us. I can see right through Dez's smiling face. She's just as serious as Charon behind that smile. Dizzy however, is none the wiser. And really hindering my argument that she's become an adult. Especially with her acting like a child.

"You were saying?"

Charon says as she gets closer, acting like, well, Dizzy. Stupid and immature, and slightly insane. I just look at Charon, and shake my head. Accepting defeat is better than arguing it. Especially with someone like him. Dezbe walks over to him though, and I see something I've never seen before with those two. A sense of closeness. A purpose in Charon's eyes. He loves Dizzy, and everyone is aware, but Dez…she's got a special place. There's anger, and carefulness in his eyes as she steps near him. All the men in the room know not to approach Dez, just by how he's looking. I feel Dizzy near me, and I look down at her.

"Dad looks…"

"Frightening."

I whisper back, and she nods. Her eyes are wide, and she bites her cheek. Dizzy hasn't ever seen her father like this before. Even when protecting Dizzy herself, Charon never showed this level of anger and protection. It doesn't mean he loves one more than the other, it just shows that to him, Dez and Dizzy are two very different people, and that they require two very different forms of protection.

"What's gotten into him?"

She asks me, as I begin to lead her away. I notice Charon and Dez whispering together, most likely about the trouble that's been brewing over the past two months. I don't want Dizzy to her. She's an adult, and she should know what's been going on right under her nose, but Charon is right. She's still partly an inexperienced child.

"Diz, they just spend the last handful of months walking here. They haven't had an adventure since you were born. Let them live in their youth."

"You're a bold face liar if that's what's going on. I bet mom's pregnant. And why walk here? Didn't Gob give them some go-moto-bike thing?"

Dizzy rants on about one thing or another, as my mind goes somewhere different. A truck. Ours broke down on the way here, so we're out of luck on that one. Walking would be too slow. We'd get caught easily if the trouble started to grow. But the NCR, they have trucks. They also have helicopters, but I'm not about to ask Zack to get me one of those. I'm going to ask him to get a truck. And not just that they drive, but they have a hooded back, like a caravan. We could easily fit six of us in there, two in the front, four in the back, plus supplies. Why didn't I think of this before? I have to tell Charon, and Dez. I have to get to them and make a plan without Dizzy knowing. But getting her away from her parents, is going to be hard. She can act like a badass all she wants, but once they showed up she turned into that little kid we all know. And get thoroughly annoyed by.

"I was thinking of making nice with Jasper later. You know, since we're all going to be travelling home together. And she might like Zack enough to stay in Megaton with him. And so we'll be seeing one another a lot."

I'm taken aback by her display of kindness, but her saying that just set it up perfectly. For us who know about the trouble.

"That's a good idea. Mature of you, too."

"I know dad still thinks I'm a kid. I haven't seen him in a year and a half, but he does. I can just tell by looking at him. I need to prove to him I'm not."

"Maybe that's how fathers are supposed to be, Dizzy. You are his only daughter, after all. Try focusing on making yourself happy, than proving your independence to them. They're going to be proud no matter what you do."

"Unless I become a savage Raider."

"You're right on that one."

Dizzy giggles, and it makes me smile at her. She's happy to go home, happy to see her parents, and I'm happy that she's finally admitting it.

"You know I had fun here. I thought it was the best thing in the world, to do all this."

"And now?"

"Now…I just want to go home. You and Zack were right. We don't belong here, we don't belong in civilization, we belong in the Congo. Like the song. I don't know what a 'Congo' is, but hearing that song…just makes me think of home. And how much better it is than here. In these bright city lights, you can't see the stars. And I miss the stars. A lot more than I'll miss it here, and living in Gomorrah."

She's more mature than I gave her credit for.

"You've become accustomed to this way of life, though. Sure you're ready to give it up for the ways of Megaton and shared bathrooms?"

Dizzy smirks, and then nods.

"We're savages, Cain. Survivors. We don't belong in this world, and I don't want this world coming to us, either."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I understand what mom and dad fought for. For the freedom to do whatever, whenever. The freedom to pull a gun and kill someone, for no reason, but also the freedom to see that working together is easier than anarchy. But New Vegas, they took law to a whole new level. I don't like it. I miss Megaton. I miss home."

We enter our bedroom, and she hugs me. I kiss the top of her head. Dizzy, as childish as she can be, can also be mature. Like her mother. I'm sure Dezbe was a lot worse in her youth than Dizzy is now, but I can see the similarities. But Dezbe's serious face is a lot different than Dizzy's. Dizzy's face of planning and manipulation is from Charon. And having both Charon and Dez inside of one person, worries me. She's dangerous, and she has no idea how severe it is.

"I'm glad you've matured enough to see this, Diz."

"Yeah well, I'm sick of it here. And how they look at me. And you."

I chuckle as she presses her head into my chest.

"You have nothing to worry about with me, Diz."

"I know. But I don't want bitches thinking they have a chance."

Dizzy pulls away from me, and starts walking around her room.

"I guess we should pack up then, huh? For when we're all ready to leave."

"Just don't make it too obvious that we're leaving. I don't want things erupting before we go."

She stops and looks at me as she holds her see-through robe in her hand.

"You know, the position of power. I don't want to deal with passing it on or telling anyone where we're going."

Dizzy nods, and continues to go about her packing business. She doesn't have much here, none of us do, really. But we'd like to bring some cigars and whiskey for the ride home. Without Dizzy noticing, I'm able to sneak out the door, and close it quietly. I have to first meet up with Charon, and talk to him about my plan to ask Zack to get us a truck.

Although it's risky, it may be our best bet. If he was able to sneak in there, start it up somehow, and bring it to the Mojave, we could meet him there. We'd be able to only cause a small commotion, and be able to get away faster. After all, it seems the NCR and Legion don't travel too far out East anyways. I figure once we get a couple miles into the Mojave, and more into the center of this war-torn country, we'll be safe. You know, past the jail and the Powder Gangers. They wouldn't follow us that far, at least, I don't think so. I hope not. If they do…well, we'll have to tackle that bridge when we get to it.

I'm able to find Charon and Dez fairly quickly, though. They're still in Brimstone. It seems Dez has relaxed a bit more, since she's wandering around and looking at everything. Charon, is right where I left him, and his face exactly the same. Only he's watching Dezbe. But what nobody else in the room notices, is that he's watching them as well.

"I have an idea, but I'm going to need your help."

Charon has a look in his eye like I just asked the Devil to be merciful.

"Hm?"

"Zack can probably start one of the NCR's trucks. Gob taught him well in that field. The problem is, Zack can't do that if he's alone. They'll catch him, and take him in to be questioned. He needs someone to watch out for him."

"I am not leaving my family."

Now we're at a stalemate.

"And I'm not leaving Dizzy. You know you're far more skilled at me in combat. You're the best man to guide Zack to us in the Mojave."

Charon clenches is jaw and goes back to staring at Dez. I admire this new, yet old personality of his. I admire it, and fear it.

"I take it then you're going to leave before Zack, arrange a meeting point in the Wasteland, and have him pick you up?"

"Yeah, that's what I just threw together."

"I can tell. What if you are followed? What if they follow not just on foot, but truck as well? The NCR is a large faction, and you have done well of getting on their bad side. Change is not good for this place. Especially the change in power you and Dizzy have created."

I didn't think of that. Charon is absolutely right. I sigh, and shake my head at him.

"It's that, or be chased by them in trucks while we're on foot. With a truck we can get home faster, and we're safer back home. They won't follow us all the way there."

"That you know of. There is a chance they will do just that."

"I'm hoping for peace here, Charon."

"But always prepare for war. Find Zack, and bring him to me. You, Dez and I will plan this out together, as it should be."

I nod and go along with Charon's idea. To be honest, I'm too scared not too. I've known this man my whole life, and I've never seen this side of him. There's been definite change, and it's definitely working for him.


	10. Deal With It

(Zack)

So they pull me away from Jasper, send her off with Dizzy, and get me in Cain's office with the door locked. The door ain't never been locked before, and I haven't seen Charon or Dez or my dad in a year and a half. Yet here I am, with Cain, Charon, and Dez, in a room. We hugged we chatted, and then it was business. All business. Did I miss something extreme? What the hell flew over my head? Has Jasper really been that distracting where I've missed this information?

"The Legion and the NCR are watching Gomorrah carefully. This, I know. Zack, I didn't share it with you in the beginning because I felt like I could handle it. It's gotten too big now, and we have to leave, and soon."

I stare at Cain, smoke a cigarette, and try to figure out just how much shit we've gotten into this past year.

"Alright so on a scale of one to ten, how deep in are we?"

"About twenty."

Shit. Do I even want to know what the hell caused this? I don't have much of a choice, he informs all of us anyways.

"When we took control and power, we shifted New Vegas. It showed the people there is a possibility for advancement."

"House didn't like that, huh?"

Dez chimes in, angrily smoking a cigarette near Charon. Jesus fuck he looks scary. I don't think I ever remember him having such an angry look in his eyes.

"No. But not just house. The NCR and the Legion both didn't like it, either. The Omerta family was a huge sponsor to both of them. It stayed that way, but they don't trust us. They don't like us. What we did when we got here was foolish, stupid, and naive. Then again, we didn't know better. But now they're watching us like a hungry Yao Guai watches a crippled Molerat. We're not walking out of here unscathed. We need a plan."

Well shit. If I had known this place was close to being raided, I would have high-tailed it out of here months ago. With or without Dizzy and Cain. But definitely with Jasper. Knowing this now though makes me worry about her. She's with Dizzy, so she's safe, but she's never shot a gun in her life. Jasper never had to. She never left the strip. And from what I can tell, Cain didn't bother to tell Dizzy about this shit, either. Atom fuck me. Just fuck me and smite me now where I sit. I swear this group has an uncanny ability for finding trouble, even in the middle of nowhere.

"So why am I here? I'm not as skilled as you three are in combat."

It's true, I'm not. They all look at me though, and those looks all say that I'm a very vital part of this plan.

"We need you to steal an NCR truck with Charon, and meet us in the Mojave for pickup. Nobody else can start a truck with no keys. You can."

I stand up and slam my hand on Cain's desk.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Really Cain? I oughtta knock you off your feet right here and now for this shit! You can't just go somewhere without causing all this trouble, can you? What? Does it run in your genes or something? Were you so fuckin' concerned with Dizzy and her happiness that you simply forgot that she wasn't the only one in this? Shit! I didn't come along for this! I came here for the adventure and the booze! This? This is insane! Shit I know I was young, but I remember the Outcasts, and I remember not to fuck with people of military organizations unless you have a death wish."

I turn my head towards Charon and Dez, and Charon stares at me, cold and silent.

"You two! You two passed on this behavior. Sure, I thought it was damn cool as a kid, thinking you were super heroes, but now all I see is that you're fucking mad! The hell were you thinking? Picking fights with the Enclave, Brotherhood and Outcasts? And fuck knows how many more! Now we've got the NCR and Legion on our ass? What, does every member in this family have to pick a fight with some military group? Who are you going to fight when there's no one left? Yourselves?"

Everyone is quiet after I finish my ranting. They stare at me, letting me light another cigarette, as I wait for them to answer.

"Your mother died by the Brotherhood, Zack."

I look at Charon, angrier than ever.

"My mother was killed by a few rogue maniacs! Not the entire Brotherhood!"

Charon comes over to me, standing taller, looking angrier and angrier. Then again, it could just be me seeing him this way. I'm not sure.

"I am just as upset as you are, Zack. But this is not only about Cain and Dizzy's stupid and rookie mistake. It is about you as well, and that woman you care for. They will not let you simply walk out of here. They have been watching you just the same as they have been watching Cain and Dizzy. And this is just as much your fault, as it is theirs."

I can't say a damned thing, because he's right. And frankly, his tone is really kinda a lot angry so pissing him off more isn't in my book of things to do at this very moment. He's right. He's fucking right. Guess just you forget how much time has passed since Charon's adventures, and think it's been one giant war. When really it's been a huge time of peace and quiet _because_ of what Charon and Dez did. I'll apologize to them later.

"Alright. Fine. When do we do this?"

"Tonight."

Cain says it so fast I'm not sure what to think. But the look I get from all of them tells me, I ain't got no choice in the matter. Sighing, I ash my cigarette in the ashtray and just deal with it.

"Fine. Where in the Mojave do I meet you?"

Cain goes into it all the way. How I'm going to do it, how I'm busting the truck out, and all this other bullshit. Really it's the truck that'll cause them to notice us leaving more than anything. But Cain argues it saying that they'd notice us leaving anyways, and it's better to have a faster getaway. I don't bother in telling him that we can just as easily sneak out in the dark of night. There's no way in hell this trouble is severe enough to not leave. Unless there's shit he isn't saying.

"Cain, exactly how bad is this trouble?"

I guess it's the question of the damned day because everyone looks at him. Cain sighs and runs his fingers through his hair like he always does when he doesn't know how to answer something. I roll my eyes. All this shit for some booze and a few strippers. Ain't worth it, if you ask me.

"It's bad, like I said before. Bad enough to where one of the Omerta guards overheard an undercover NCR talking about raiding the club. I don't know how many Omertas are in on it, I don't know when this raid is. I just know, I have to prepare for the worst. And back home, we're all safest. Even Jasper."

I glare at Cain, pissed once again.

"What in the hell does she have to do with your mess?"

"Zack, it's known now that Jasper and you are together. She's an easy target, no offence. She's never left the strip, and never had to protect herself. Back home, in the Capital Wasteland, we can teach her this. Even if she doesn't learn as well as we did, she's still safe. The NCR and Legion wouldn't dare follow us all the way to D.C."

Fucker has another point. I didn't think of that. I've never been a target of anything before, so it makes perfect sense.

"When Charon and I first began causing trouble, our enemies would go to your father, Zack. They would go to our friends, before they came to us. Because our friends were easier targets."

I look at Dez, and shake my head. I know this. Dad's told me a million times. I'm not stupid, I just…I just didn't think. And as much as I want to be mad at Cain and Dizzy for this, I've got myself to blame as well. I went along with it, and even had fun sometimes doing it. And you know, my life hasn't been filled with fighting or bloodshed. Dad kept me out of that. He kept the both of us out of it. And so didn't Charon and Dez. They kept me safe from all that nonsense, to give me a life without it. I didn't fuckin' mean to snap at them all like I did, I just…I don't know, got a bit scared. Like I said, I've never been faced with this before. I don't know how to deal with it. So I guess my best option is to listen to Cain on this one, and trust that he knows best.

"What about the girls? Dizzy and Jasper, do they know?"

I ask, and Cain shakes his head.

"I want to keep them out of it. If Dizzy finds out…she'll want to run in there, guns blazing."

Charon looked at Dez when Cain said that. I don't know why, maybe it was something Dez would do.

"And I don't want to worry Jasper, either. She's excited to go home with you. Let her live in that."

I agree with him. Cain finishes telling us the plan, and by all accounts it would work. Charon would disarm, not kill the guard, if there is one, and quietly I can start the truck and steal it. Of course once they hear it started we'll have a small window to step on it, break through the fence, and go. The meeting point is a few miles out, where Charon and I will pick the rest of them up, luggage included.

"What song is this?"

Dezbe yells, making us jump. I don't think anyone realized that she went to play with the radio.

"It's uh, 'Heartaches by the Number', I think…"

I tell her, and she beams at Charon. Needless to say he doesn't beam back.

"The music out here is awesome now! We need holotapes!"

"Uh, Dez, I don't think that's important."

Cain speaks the truth, and I back him up.

"We only have a few hours till night."

"We're not leaving_ right_ when it gets dark. We're leaving around like one or two in the morning. So, I need holotapes of these songs. Please and thank you."

We all mentally face palm ourselves. Sometimes the relation between Dez and Dizzy is undeniable.


	11. Big Iron

(Dizzy)

Jasper is actually really cool. She's interested in everything East Coast, and can hardly contain her excitement. Of course she's worried, too, but that's not really important. We're sitting out in the courtyard of Gomorrah, one of the more 'fancier' places around here. Jasper has since stopped dancing, and I don't mind one bit. I mean I would have if she sucked, but she doesn't suck. She's really cool, and only a bit older than me. Dunno what a really pretty girl is doing with Zack, since Zack is really rough sometimes. Around the edges, anyways.

The courtyard is fairly quiet right now, mainly because people don't like to come out here until night, and it's still daytime. Some dancers walk around, avoiding me and Jasper, and some drunken or high patrons follow them. I'll be leaving soon, so I stopped caring about it.

"You sure you can teach me how to shoot?"

I smile at Jasper, handing her a cigarette.

"Yup! My dad is the best around. Wait till you meet him. He's going to look really scary, and mean, and not talk to you, but trust me, he's super nice. We played tea party together when I was a kid."

Jasper raises an eyebrow, and I light my own cigarette.

"Trust me, Jasp, when you meet him, you'll get the idea."

"He's a mercenary, you said?"

I nod, taking off my shoes and splashing my feet in the water below me.

"Yup. Best around. Whatever you need to know about fighting, or guns, he's the number-one go-to guy."

"But you said he was scary."

"Not to me. Or the townsfolk. Well, some of the townsfolk. But more of a 'I fear you out of respect' kinda fear. You'll know. He's like Cain, except bigger, and a ghoul."

"…A bigger Cain? People like that exist? Jeez, what do you people eat over in that town of yours?"

Even though we get a good laugh out of it, I'm neglecting to tell Jasper the truth. She's nice and all, but trust is earned out here. I don't mention my father is pre-war ghoul, even though she's told me her parents turned ghoul as she was growing up. I don't want to tell her about my father's past, either, because some of it is still dark to me, too. And I don't want to tell her about how long mom and dad have been together, either. I feel bad. As if I'm like saying 'Oh hey I know your parents died, but check out my super awesome family'. Huh. I guess Cain was right. I've grown a bit. Because usually, that's exactly what I'd do.

"You know, Jasper, I think you'll like it in Megaton."

She looks at me. She has really pretty eyes.

"Think so?"

I nod my head.

"Yeah, I mean, there's grass, and we grow crops, and we have fresh water, too."

Her eyes grow wide, excited wide, like 'let's leave right now' wide. I smile at it. I like making new friends. Maybe some of the other dancers are nice, too? Nah. Probably not.

"Where'd…where'd you get all that? Isn't the Capital Wasteland, just like the Mojave Wasteland?"

"No, it's different. More rocky, and dirt, than sand. Old highways run everywhere, they're fun to play on. There's abandoned cars, and things close together. At least, in the city anyways. That's something we'd have to visit with Cain and Zack, though."

I avoid her question of how we got what we have. Mainly because I don't know how much Zack told her. If she doesn't know already, I don't want to tell her, and have her think I'm bragging.

"Are there a lot of people?"

"Not as much as here, I mean, maybe. There's a lot of people in the city, Tenpenny Tower, Rivet City and Megaton. And there's settlements, smaller ones, all around. I should have explored it more, before coming here. But I'll do that once I get back."

"Your dad, though, would he mind me coming? The way you described him…kinda scares me. And I don't even know him."

"Dad? Naw. He doesn't care. He's gone all big-bad-mercenary since him and mom ventured all the way out here. You ever hear the song 'Big Iron' on the Mojave Radio?"

"Yeah, tons of times."

"Well that's my dad."

"The one who dies?"

I laugh, and shake my head.

"Nope. The one with Big Iron on his hip. Dad has a modified combat shotgun. But he carries it on his back. He hardly talks, because there isn't much he has to say, and when someone is in his iron sights, you better pray for their lives, to whatever god you think will listen. Because once dad wants someone dead, they are ten times over, before they know it."

"…That's…terrifying."

I shrug, taking a drag of my cigarette.

"Not really. He's the safest person to be around, really. Unless he wants you dead. But he doesn't just kill people. He's not _that_ mean."

Jasper doesn't seem too convinced. But I'm really proud of my description of dad. You know, in comparing him to the song 'Big Iron'. When I first heard it, dad was the first person I thought of. Because he's done that. Said nothing, looking for one troublesome asshole, and then BOOM. His enemies fatal slips are trying to match my father in a fight. I don't know anyone whose hit dad and lived to tell about it. Except mom. And me. But I never really hit him. Just threw things in his general direction. You know, like ashtrays. He threw them back, but at me, and not in my general direction. Never really missed, either.

"You'll like Zack's dad, too. His name is Gob. He's my uncle by friendship. He's known my mom since…well, since before I was born and way before then, too."

"Zack says the same thing. That I'll like him."

"Because you will. He's really nice. Not a mean bone in his body. But the town would kinda be fucked without him, since he's the arms dealer, armor repair shop, and whatever thing you may need, necessary or not. He brings a pretty good business into Megaton."

"Dizzy!"

Jasper and I jump up. Not because I'm scared, but because dad's booming voice caught me by surprise. Jasper is probably scared, though. I turn around, feet still in the pool, and see dad not too far behind me. How long has he been there, anyways? Dad can be all sorts of stealthy when he wants to be, despite how big he is.

"Hey dad! This is Jasper, Zack's girlfriend."

I stand up, and Jasper looks at him, clearly terrified, but in a curious way. Dad folds his arms in front of him. A part of me wants to copy him, but another part of me says that dad isn't in a playing mood right now.

"I see. I am Charon, Dizzy's father, Dezbe's husband."

"That's my mom."

I whisper to Jasper, and all she does is nod as she stands up and grabs her shoes. Luckily she picked up some armor, and ditched the whole dancer of Gomorrah outfit, or dad would seriously scoff at her. She's actually wearing a Merc outfit, one pretty common on the East Coast. I think it's called 'Adventurer Armor' but I can't be sure, so don't quote me on it.

"Do you need your armor repaired?"

Dad asks me, and I give him an odd look.

"What for?"

"We decided to go tonight. I do not like it here. I wish to leave quickly."

I'm not one to question dad, especially today. Aside from the fact that I haven't seen him in a while, he's also been really, really, angry. Like angrier than I've seen before. So, I don't push the issue. Instead I shake my head.

"No, it should be fine. I mean I hardly wore it after I got here."

That, came out terribly wrong. Dad gives me about .5 seconds to explain myself.

"I mean I ditched it for other clothes! Not that I ran around naked."

Jasper is about to say something, but I pinch her in the forearm. Luckily, she doesn't scream out, telling the world I pinched her. She just gets the hint.

"Cain is already prepared and ready. Zack will meet us in the Mojave. Jasper, is there anything you need?"

I think Jasper is a little taken aback by dad's kindness. Silently, she shakes her head, looking down and at her feet.

"I encountered a man with your name once…"

Dad says offhand. Jasper lifts her head, able to speak.

"Really?"

"My wife killed him."

Well. Dad, you get an award for making a situation completely awkward. Of course he doesn't see it that way, and Jasper is about to cry, but there's little to nothing I can do.

"Cain will be wearing a different armor, than his Regulator Duster."

Dad says, and my ears perk up.

"Oh yeah? Do tell."

"You will need to know this, so that we do not lose one another in the Mojave. Your mother and I are wearing Gecko-backed leather armor. Though mine is the same, I added some new things inside. Cain, is wearing an NCR Ranger armor. Combat."

"And what about Zack?"

Jasper asks him, shakily. You know if I didn't know any better, I'd say she's scared. By the looks of her, I'd also say I was right.

"There is no need for him to change. He will meet us in the Mojave. You will come with Dizzy, and the rest of us."

Zack usually wears a form of scavenger armor. With lots of pockets, and a weird-ass mouth-mask. He told me the correct name for it once, forever ago, but I didn't feel like paying much attention.

"When are we leaving?"

I ask dad, as Jasper moves a bit closer to me. She's worried, and scared. I think more of leaving, than of dad.

"Soon. Once it's night. So be ready to meet us by the gates of the Strip."

I nod my head and dad goes back to wherever he was before. Some reunion. They get here and already dad is sick of the place. I didn't expect him to manage long here, anyways. There's too much for someone like him. He needs the quiet, the Capital Wasteland.

"I'm scared."

Jasper says, as we gather our shoes.

"I know. It's alright. I was scared too, when I first left home."

She shakes her head, following me inside.

"No I mean, I'm scared of the outside. I'm excited to go, but…what if something happens to us?"

"Jasper, you're with…well, let's just say my parents are the two safest people in the Capital Wasteland, and probably in the Mojave, too. Dad is the first, and mom is second only to dad. Cain learned from my father, how to defend himself. So really, that's three people."

"And you?"

"Me? I'm kinda like mom. I just do stuff, and it all works out in the end. Sometimes. Most of the time. Not really, but still."

That doesn't comfort her in the least. I'm really bad at this, like dad.

"Look, you saw that gun on my dad's back, right?"

Jasper nods, biting her lip as we navigate through Gomorrah to my room.

"Well, that's Big Iron. And my dad is the Ranger. You really have nothing to be worried about. Just remember, that seeing someplace new, is just as scary as it is exciting."

This piece of advice seems to work. She gives me a small smile, and nods her head.

"I wish my mom and dad could see me with the Ranger, with Big Iron. There were legends of a man like that, around here, anyways."

"Oh yeah?"

Jasper nods, and we get to my room. I sit on my bed, the things I'm bringing already in a small pack on the floor. She sits on the floor near my bed, talking about this legend person.

"My parents say, that way back many years ago, there was a man nobody could kill. A strong, large man, who talked softly, and carried a big gun. A lot of people tried to hurt him, but he always won. He took down armies, gangs, and travelers alike. But never without reason. He was the most well-respected man in the land, and the most feared. Nobody wanted to mess with that man, and if they did, they were soon dead."

"That sounds like my dad."

Jasper looks at me, smiling.

"Kinda. But it's just a legend, and I don't know if your dad ever took down armies."

"Him and my mom defeated the Enclave, Brotherhood, and the Outcasts. At least, on my side of the world, anyways."

Oops. I said that right before thinking it. Jasper looks at me, a bit stunned, and I feel more than a bit embarrassed.

"He did?"

"Yeah…probably nothing to brag about though."

"He sounds just like the legend. My parents said, that the man was trained in ancient ways. That he…he was some sort of prodigy."

I laugh heartily. You know, to make it convincing. Not sure what I have to hide, though.

"Naw, my dad is just a mercenary. Him and my mom are just really lucky."

"Must be, to take down all those people."

There's something in Jasper's voice. I don't know if I like it, but we drop the conversation, and just continue to talk about things nobody really cares about. In the back of my mind, though, I wonder if my parents' actions were popular enough to reach this side of the world. If my dad was the man that they made a legend about.

"And really quick, the man my parents spoke of also served in the Great War. Anyone from that time is probably dead, ghoul or not."

My father served in Anchorage, Alaska. Cain told me this on our journey here. I don't mention that to Jasper, and seriously wonder, if my dad is hiding more than he cares to tell not only me, but mom about as well.


	12. Hallelujah

(Dezbe)

I can tell the girls are more than a bit upset. Dizzy is wondering where her father is, and I tell her he's with Zack and we'll see them shortly. The new one, Jasper, she more amazed than scared I think. They're all being guided by the moon and the dim light of my Pip-Boy. From what I heard from Zack earlier, Jasper hasn't ever left the Strip. In a way I feel bad for her. Never experiencing life like Dizzy is able to, always having to dance, although dancing can be fun. She looks a little older than Dizzy, so she still has many years to live out here. When she met me though, like most people out here on my first trip to New Vegas, she was surprised at my height. I had to quickly toss in that I was raised in a vault, like some of the older people out here. She understood then, and I didn't have to get into a gritty details.

"We're almost there."

Cain says, making me jump. I swear that NCR armor he's got on…it's just damn creepy. Dez thinks it's brazen and badass, but I think she's got a few screws loose. It reminds me of the Enclave Tesla Power Armor. And I still have nightmares over that shit. Although I did get a collection of holotapes of the music out here. So I'll be bringing a bit of New Vegas back to the Capital Wasteland with me. Which will be nice, since I'm getting sick of the tunes the DJ plays who took over for Three Dog. Just the same shit I've been listening to for years and years.

"Is there going to be more walking when we get to the East Coast?"

Jasper asks, innocent and wispy. I look over at her, my eyes passing over Dizzy. She suspects something is up, I can tell. Call it mother's intuition, I suppose, but Dizzy knows this isn't the usual 'get up and go' routine she's used to.

"If things don't go as planned, then we're walking the entire way there."

I tell her, growing more and more worried with each passing second, as we near our destination. I can see the landmark in front of me, but I should have seen the truck lights by now. Unless those bastards kept them off for stealthy-ninja reasons. Which would turn out to be Charon's idea, since he thinks of that way before I ever do.

"You mean…we're going to walk across the country? Is that why everyone here looks so fit and athletic? Because of the walking?"

She gave me a compliment without even trying. I'm going to like this girl.

"You got it, kid."

"And how can you be Dizzy's mom? You…don't look a day older than her."

I smile, beaming with pride.

"I have this uncanny ability to be immune to radiation, like a ghoul, without looking like a ghoul. My scars are there, more visible when I wear less armor, but I'm pushing sixty. Feel like I'm twenty, though."

"Really? That's amazing! Does that mean…Dizzy are you immune, too?"

"Mhm. But mom got it from exposure to far too much radiation all at once. I just got it from having two parents who have the ghoul-gene. Zack's the same way, ya know. He was the first one of any of us to really be immune to radiation."

"Actually, it was around the same time I contracted it as well, so we're head-to-head in that department."

Jasper I can tell is amused by the light conversation. It's Cain who seems worried and concerned, even behind that mask of his. I watch him, as he walks ahead of us, reaching the meeting point first. He promptly turns around, and looks toward the Strip, seeing the lights from a slight distance. Going up to him, I whisper loud enough so only he can hear.

"I'm worried too."

"They should have been here by now, before us."

"Something must have happened. They'll be here."

"How do you know, Dez?"

"Because I know my husband."

Charon has done more difficult things than breaking a truck out of the NCR Embassy on the Strip. Cain looks at me, and I can tell he realized his stupidity for doubting Charon. We'll have a few hours setback, if something did happen, but he will come. And he'll bring down half the NCR with him, too. I hope they know better, than to capture my Charon.

"Mom?"

I look at Dizzy. Behind her, an excited and scared Jasper stands, looking at the stars above. I wonder, because of the lights of the Strip, if she's ever seen the stars? Dizzy's face tells me something more serious, though. That she knows what's up.

"Yeah?"

"This has to do with the NCR, and the Legion, doesn't it? I'm not stupid. I know Gomorrah. I helped run it, too. I knew who was watching and keeping tabs."

"You're absolutely right, Dizzy."

Mentally, I prepare myself for one of her tantrums. Instead, she remains silent, and checks the ammo of her Magnum.

"Well. At least you and dad are here to help."

There isn't even a sarcastic undertone to her voice. How much did she grow out here, exactly? The old Dizzy would have fought, and gotten mad, saying that she could handle anything and everything the world had to throw at her. I think she notices my concern, because she looks at me.

"…I saw how dad looked when he got here. Like he'd seen war ten times over, and all he cared about was your safety in the end. I've never seen him that way before, mom. I think, seeing you two like that, really drilled it into my head, that it isn't all fun and games out here."

"Sometimes it is. Your father is just…"

"I think he's hiding something."

It comes out of left field, and I stare at my daughter. Looking back at Cain, he shrugs, and Jasper stands behind him.

"Dizzy? No, your father has nothing left to hide from me. I know everything about him. You've just never seen him behave this way. I can assure you on that."

"But…he's acting so…warlike, and cold."

"He's acting like how he's acted his entire life, before you came. There are many sides to your father, Dizzy, accept them."

She bites her lip, a trait inherited from me. The four of us stand in silence for a bit, almost holding our breath, waiting for any sight of Charon and Zack. Reaching in my pocket, I pull out another cigarette. Lighting it, I keep my eyes focused in the distance.

"What if they don't come? What…what if they've been killed?"

Jasper says, and Dizzy, Cain and I look at her. Cain shakes his head, and Dizzy smirks.

"My dad's the best there is. He wouldn't let a bunch of rag-doll mercenaries take him out. He's defeated far bigger, and far scarier people than the NCR."

"She's right."

I say, agreeing with Dizzy. Jasper nervously looks towards the Strip. For a minute I think she's going to ask us to bring her back. Maybe she is, but before she can utter a word, Dizzy's loud and excited voice echoes for miles.

"It's them! It's dad!"

Sure enough, I look over, and roaring across the Mojave Wasteland, is a truck. The flashing lights tell me it's Charon. Relief washes over me, even though I knew they'd make it. Lucky for us, the Mojave isn't as rocky as the Capital Wasteland. If we keep rotating between me, Charon and Zack as drivers, we can make it back in two days, with no stops. But I can't drive, so it'll be more like three or four. Much better than the weeks it took us walking on foot to get here. That sucked.

"Alright, when they get here I need everybody in the back of that truck, we don't have a lot of time."

I command, and Cain pulls off his mask.

"You should double that statement."

Looking back behind the approaching Charon and Zack, I see two more pairs of headlights. Oh great, what'd they do, decide to bring the whole Embassy with them? Fantastic.

"Dizzy, you need to keep Jasper safe. Zack needs to drive. Cain, I want you to keep both the girls safe, you hear me?"

"Mom I can fight too!"

"I know you can, Dizzy. I know. But Jasper is terrified. She need a friend, and Zack needs to focus on driving. Please, just listen to me."

Dizzy nods, stern, gun and pack at the ready.

"I got it, mom."

The truck gets closer, and skids to a stop. Charon opens the door, blood shimmering in the moonlight. He sees my face, and shakes his head.

"Not mine. Everyone, in the truck, Jasper! Up front with Zack, you too, Dizzy. Cain get in the back with Dezbe and I! Now!"

The back of the trucks have a cloth over them, like a hooded pre-war, way, way, way, pre-war, wagon. I saw them in comics in the Vault. I just can't remember what they're called. Either way, we listen to Charon, even though it goes against with what I told Dizzy. Nobody complains, as we climb in, and Zack shifts gears. The truck jolts to a start, and Charon starts taking down the back flap of the truck's covering.

"We have to get rid of them, or they will shoot the tires. We do not have enough spares."

In this high-stress situation, Charon and I remain calm. Cain finds some sort of cord on the floor, and hooks it to my belt. I nod my head, in happy agreement. Well, maybe not happy, but pleased. My children are learning, and that's exactly what I counted on. Grabbing my sawed-off, I hold on to the thin, hollow metal arch.

"Ready, husband?"

I say, cigarette still in my mouth.

"Hm."

He growls, pumping his shotgun with one hand. I turn to see Cain, helmet and jacket off, standing in the Ranger armor alone.

"There's a window in the back of the cab. Tell Zack to keep a smooth pace and steady speed."

Cain doesn't hesitate, and does that, his gun at the ready. The trucks chasing us are getting closer and closer, and Charon and I step onto the back of the truck, holding on. Charon is always better than me at this kind of shit. He's all sorts of balanced perfectly, and steady. I'm trying really, really hard to not fall on my ass, here.

"Now!"

Charon yells, and we open fire. The NCR troops decide to do the same, and let me tell you, no matter how much you get shot, you _never_ get used to it. Ever. The feeling of something tearing through your skin, and your heart pumping faster, while your blood panics to clot. The only thing you do learn to do, is get yourself into some sort of adrenaline rush so you don't feel _all _the pain. And hope they don't hit you somewhere vital. Like your lungs. This bullet hit me, right in the upper shoulder. Almost the same place Quinn shot me years and years ago. Just because I have scars everywhere, doesn't mean I don't remember where and when each one took place.

"Dez!"

"I'm fine!"

And I am. I've learned endurance. I was a kid back when Quinn shot me. Now I know. I know exactly what to do. And that is to fire more.

"Cain! Give me your gun!"

He takes my sawed-off and hands me his Chinese Assault Rifle. Letting go of the steel bar, I jump in the back of the truck. Once I regain balance, I use both hands on the gun. Charon's so far obliterated most of them in the truck closest to us. I take aim at the tires, though. Hoping they'll tip over, spill something, and some sort of explosion will happen. As I'm about to squeeze the trigger, Zack hits a bump, and Charon falls forward.

"Charon!"

I toss the gun to the ground, and hear Cain pick it up. He picks up where Charon and I left off. Charon, thankfully, is holding on to the steel supports of the canvas, not looking too pleased as he balances with his feed on the back of the truck. I toss him my wounded arm, as a bullet grazes his torso. There's shells in the bed and bullet holes in the truck. I can hear Jasper crying, but right now, I'm focused only on Charon. But in the background I hear 'Butcher Pete' and I'm about to rip heads.

"Shut that fucking Pip-Boy off! Right now!"

I yell, going back to Charon, and the music doesn't stop. I feel another bullet hit me, and it gets me right in my arm, near my already wounded shoulder. Charon throws his gun into the bed of the truck, and grabs my wrist. Cain fires mercilessly to get the last truck off of us. He's successful, and the truck swerves off, tipping itself over. I feel a wave of relief over me, as I begin to pull up Charon.

"You know, Dez, before I met you, I had a pretty easy life. I just sat in the Ninth Circle, guarding it and running errands for Ahzrukhal. Nobody came after me, nobody tried to kill me, no military factions came along, or put me through hell. And then you showed up, you fucking insatiable lunatic."

"That's a pretty boring life."

I say, helping pull him into the bed. He falls into it, and I fall with him. Cain hollers at Zack to slow down, and Dizzy tells Jasper it's all over. I notice a few holes in the windshield, but nobody seems hurt. Aside from Charon. And me. I forgot about me.

"Sometimes, boring is better."

Charon says, rolling onto his back and taking a breath in. I lie there, on my back next to him as Cain sits down, and lets out a deep sigh. I guess I'm in some sort of shock, because I don't feel any pain right now. I just stare up, at the flapping canvas, at the stars beyond it, and let the adrenaline calm itself down.

"Nothing beats that, though. Even you know that. You alright?"

Charon gets up, rubbing his head.

"I was only grazed. Nothing to worry about. You?"

"Hit twice. In the arm. Shoulder, too."

Silence falls. Everyone soaks everything in, and I hear Charon rummaging into the packs we tossed in the back for some irradiated water. I lay still, remembering the song I haven't played in years. The song I haven't thought of in longer. As Charon appears in my line of sight, blocking out the stars, and the truck clamors over the desert sand of the Mojave, I can't help but admit to myself, that I've never felt so peaceful before. Charon's white-blue eyes meet mine, and I smile at him.

"Hallelujah…"

I sigh, and he kisses me. That kiss, reminds me of our first. Of the saddened one at Fort Bannister, of the one I gave him while fighting sickness and infection. I feel the water fall from his hand, and splash on my injured arm. Enough to take the pain away. Enough to heal where the bullet didn't stop, and passed right through. Reaching up, I put my hand on the back of his neck, and pull him into me. I can't tell you why, but I feel tears in my closed eyes. As if all this time, something's been missing. Something so small, it went unnoticed. But something so damned important, that when it came back, everyone noticed it.

The minor fall, and major lift. I don't want to stop right now. I want to kiss him like this forever and ever, and pretend there aren't four other people around us. Charon pulls away from me though, and takes my hand in his. He kneels next to me, resting his forearm on his knee. We look at one another, and I realize, he felt that missing piece come back, too.

"Boring, can get very old, very fast."

He says, sighing. I throw my arms around him, still letting the radiation heal me, and pick myself up to kneel across from him while I hug him as tight as I can.

"I've missed us."

I whisper to him, feeling his head move in the crook of my neck.

"I have missed you, too."

Eighteen long years, it's been, since Charon and I focused on just ourselves. Parenting does that, but now, that spark that brought us together. That teamwork, reliance, and almost losing the most important thing in your life, reminded us why we fell into this dysfunctional and sometimes abusive relationship in the first place. When we get home, to the Capital Wasteland, we're taking more time to ourselves. And we're going to hear our song, over, and over again.


	13. Smoke

_Lisa Lois' version of this song, from the album 'Smoke' is a perfect performance of how I've always pictured Dezbe's singing voice._

* * *

(Dizzy)

Mom and dad sure are in love. More in love than I've ever seen before. I don't want to be creepy and spy on them, but I can't help but look back and watch. Cain has his head down, staring at his feet, and behind him, my parents kiss, and hug, with the full moon behind them, and stars around them. I can't help but smile.

"I know that song…"

Cain mutters, quietly. Jasper sits between me and Zack, looking back at my parents with me. I think she's a bit more shocked than I am. Which is completely understandable. Mom pulls away from dad, and looks over at Cain, blood still trickling down her arm, from where the radiation hasn't healed yet.

"You say I took the name in vain, I don't even know the name. But if I did, well really, what's it to ya? There's a blaze of light in every word, it doesn't matter which ya heard, the holy, or the broken, hallelujah. I did my best, it wasn't much, I couldn't feel so I tried to touch. I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool ya. And even though it all went wrong, I'll stand before the Lord of Song, with nothing on my tongue, but hallelujah."

Mom says softly, my father staring off into the vanishing Strip, and holding mom's hand.

"…How do I know that song?"

Cain looks over at my mom, who just smiles softly.

"The night I found you, after we escaped, I sang it while you fell asleep. You don't remember?"

He nods his head, smirking a bit.

"I do now. It was a wonderful song."

"It still is."

"Mom, can you sing it? Please?"

I ask her, almost pleading. Even in the dark, I can tell when mom is blushing. She stands up, and sits on the small wooden benches along the sides of the truck bed.

"Dizzy, sweetie, I haven't sang in years…"

"Your mom can sing?"

Jasper asks, her face wet with tears, and red from crying.

"Mom has the best voice."

"I thought what they just did was pretty amazing."

"No, wait till you hear her sing. Will you mom?"

Mom sighs, and lights a cigarette. Cain looks at her, and pleads, too.

"I'd…like to hear it again, as well."

"I second that."

Zack says, looking at mom in the mirror near his face. Mom looks at my dad, and he stands, holding onto one of the steel supports for the canvas.

"I have missed your voice."

It's dad that really convinces her. I know because I've never ever seen my mom look at him with such love like that before. Out of excitement, or nerves, Jasper grabs my hand, and squeezes it.

"Your parents are amazing…"

She whispers in my ear, and I look at her. I think I'm beaming with some kinda proud right now.

"You haven't heard her sing."

Mom finishes her cigarette, and all eyes, except Zack's, are on her. Dad pulls her to her feet, and she smiles at the ground. She even cut her hair. I didn't notice it earlier. Maybe I was just too excited to see them. Too excited to be back where I belong. It looks good on her, and Jasper is right. Mom looks too young to be my mom.

Turning around, I kneel on my seat backwards, and hope that Zack doesn't drive us over a cliff.

"You guys sure about this?"

A stern and unanimous 'yes' echoes through the truck. Mom laughs, and sighs. She takes one giant breath in, and lets it all out. She starts off soft, regaining her voice. But it's still beautiful. I was little the last time she sang this song. I was too young to really, really appreciate it.

"…Her beauty in the moonlight, overthrew you…"

After that, mom's voice grows more powerful. Then, she calmed down. And rose once again…

"It's not a cry you hear at night, it's not someone whose seen the light…it's a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah…"

She finishes the song, and sits down next to dad. We all stare at her in awe, amazement, floored by it all.

"Charon gave me that song, on one of the first nights we spent together. He and I didn't know one another very well then. But from that night on, it was ours. Something, that nobody could take from us, when at the time, everyone wanted to take all we had."

She tells us, and I've never seen her so bashful before. My dad sits beside her, holding her hand, silently proud.

"Didn't dad sing with you once?"

I ask her, trying to remember. Dad looks at me, shaking his head.

"It was a very long time ago, Dizzy."

"It was still pretty, I bet. But not as pretty as mom can do alone. Together, I bet it's a romantic kind of pretty. Mom does a beautiful kind of pretty. Your voice is too scratchy."

Mom laughs, Cain chuckles with Zack, and Jasper just remains quiet.

"It's not a romantic song, Dizzy. It's very sad, and broken."

"I know mom, but still, it can be beautiful, too."

She nods in agreement. Yawning, I turn around in my seat, and look out ahead through the windshield. I can't see anything past the headlights of the truck, and all the action of tonight kinda wore me out something fierce. Jasper looks out her window, sighing dreamily.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

I ask her, and she shakes her head.

"You're so lucky. Your parents risked their lives to save us, they love you, your mom sings beautifully and your dad, scary as he is, loves you. Why would you ever want to leave?"

I've never been asked that before. Maybe I have, but I was too stupid to answer it right, or appreciate what I had going for me back home. I don't know.

"Independence, I guess. I got tired of living in my mom's shadow."

Jasper turns her head, looking at me. There's some anger, and jealousy in her eyes.

"I wish, for one second, I could remember what it was like to walk in someone's shadow."

Ouch. Okay. Well. I have no idea how to respond to that. I just look at her, and shake my head.

"You'll see when we get there. My mom and dad are bigger than you think. It gets annoying, when everyone expects you to do something amazing like them, even when they know, that my parents did everything amazing in the book. And if you can't tell, they're still doing it."

"You just don't see what you have."

"My dad is that Ranger in 'Big Iron', okay? He's…him and my mom did amazing things. Things I can never, ever imagine doing. They gave us fresh water, grass, and the freedom we have back home. If you have any advice how to live up to that, I'd like to know it."

Jasper is quiet as I light a cigarette. There's been a lot of smoking today, but then again, today's been stressful.

"I just want parents who love me."

Ouch, again. Hey can we not bully the person who could easily make your life a living hell? Thanks. Surprisingly, Zack stayed out of this little tit-for-tat. I think he knows better than to get between women.

"When do you think we'll arrive?"

I ask nobody in particular. Familiar snores behind me tells me that Cain is sleeping, and sleeping deeply at that.

"Three or four days."

"Okay."

I say back to mom, who sounds just as tired as everyone else. I lean my head back, against the seat. This isn't the most comfortable places to sleep in, but it's much better than walking. The weeks it takes to get here is a lot worse than the days it takes driving. I just want to go home. I want my own bed, my own room, my own town again. I never should have left, but if I stayed I'd never be an adult. And I'm not even really adult-like yet. I just learned some lessons here and there. Nothing solid, nothing amazing. But that's what I want to do when I get home. I want to tackle the Capital Wasteland, see the places mom and dad went, like Rockopolis. Behind me, I hear mom and dad whispering. I don't want to be up here, and the window behind me is big enough for me to fit thorough. So I do just that.

Mom and dad don't say anything to me, as I climb through with slight difficulty. When I pull my legs through, I hear Jasper move closer to Zack, and sigh. Hope she's happy cuddling up there. I'll lay down back here, between my boyfriend and my parents. Everyone is laying back here, so I don't want to be left out. It's my family, and I've missed them.

"Mom? Dad?"

I whisper to them, and they 'hm' at me in response.

"Thanks for coming to get me. I miss Megaton."

"We hadn't intended to bring you home, Dizzy."

"You didn't?"

"No. But you were welcome if you wanted to. We just wanted to visit. But you know, you're always welcome at home."

I hear dad roll around, and his fingertips graze my arm as he takes mom in his own arms. Close, secure, safe. I scoot closer to Cain, wanting him to do the same. He snores, and so I smack his chest, which wakes him enough to give me the attention I want.

"Night, Cain."

I whisper, and he snores back. I'm safe. I'm the safest I've ever been. Cain, mom, and dad, all near me. I'm warm, too. Even in the freezing, desert night air, I'm warm. Because I've missed this so much. I forgot what it felt like to feel safe, to feel like the entire world just fell into place, without any argument. Without any trouble.


	14. Long Way Home

(Zack)

Everyone is asleep. Finally. If that wasn't the adventure of my lifetime, I have no fuckin' idea what is. There was no need for that, at all. But then again, I hate to say it, Cain was right. The NCR were watching us, and carefully at that. They wouldn't have let us just walk out of the Strip, without sending people to follow us. But still. That whole chasing us down thing…shit was I glad to have Dez and Charon with us. And yeah, they act just like I remember them to. Next to me, Jasper yawns, and blinks sleepily.

"Why don't you get some rest?"

I suggest, noticing already that dust is starting to settle on her creamy skin. Hopefully it'll protect her from the sun a bit.

"No, I want to stay up a bit. With you. What if you fall asleep?"

I shake my head at her, lighting a cigarette while holding the wheel with my knees. We won't need to worry about rocky ground until we get closer to the Capital Wasteland. I can't say why, but the terrain is different. When it gets rocky, it means we're close to home. Which I'll be damned thankful for. I miss my pops.

"Nah, I'm use to driving for long hours. Dad and I did it all the time growing up. Before we started fixing up old pre-war trucks, we'd walk everywhere."

"Dizzy and them told me about that while we were waiting for you guys. There's a lot of walking to be done in the Capital Wasteland."

"Yeah, that's kind of an understatement. Speaking of Dizzy, you mind easing up on her a bit? Kid's got enough to worry about right now."

Jasper sighs heavily. I didn't wanna get my nose into it or nothin', but Jasper needs to tread carefully with Diz. She's a bullet of anger waiting to go off at anything.

"Why? She's got everything going for her. Nothing to worry about for her."

"Jasper, I know how you see it. You think she's lucky, but her life…well, it ain't that fantastic. Everyone has extremely high expectations for her. An', really, she's not gonna live up to them. If you knew the story of her parents, you'd understand. Dizzy's had her fair share of tough times. She just needs a friend right now."

"You're so nice to her…"

"Yeah well, she grew up with me."

Jasper pouts, putting her head on my shoulder.

"Seems like everyone in this truck is a family, and I'm the stupid outcast."

Shrugging, I ash my cigarette out the window, driving with one hand.

"For a while, Dizzy was the outcast. She just recently started to really bond with everyone. All I'm sayin', is that Dizzy needs friendship, not anymore enemies."

"Does she have a lot of those?"

I shake my head, a bit hesitant to bring it up to Jasper. I mean, the girl is really sheltered and all.

"Well, anyone who was Dizzy's enemy, was killed. But not in a 'you're not my friend, I'll kill you' kind of way, more in a 'you threatened my life I'll kill you' way. She doesn't get along well with a girl in Megaton, but she ain't about to kill her. Just that the term 'enemy' is used lightly here."

"She _killed_ people?"

I raise an eyebrow at Jasper. You'd think she was raised in a damned Vault at this point.

"Uh, yeah I mean we all have."

"Even you?"

"Sure. Sometimes you have to. Dizzy is more of a ruthless killer. Doing it like the Raiders, or Junkies as you call 'em in New Vegas. Or Fiends, that's it. Fiends. But uh, I'm more a pacifist. I don't do anything till I have to."

Jasper seems shocked. As if killing is something abnormal. I guess on the Strip it is, what with the police and everything, but still, it happens. Dizzy's offed a few dancers, if not more.

"So, will someone try to kill me there? In your home?"

"Not a townsfolk, nah. But a Raider might, or Super Mutant."

"How will I defend myself?"

"We'll get you a gun, I'll show you how to use it."

She smirks, brushing her thick black hair away from her face.

"I want to be an ace gunslinger!"

"Talk to Charon about that. He's the best around."

I toss my cigarette out the window, and roll it up. It's a bit cold out tonight. Freezing, really.

"Dizzy's dad? He's…he's terrifying, though."

"Nah. He's great, once you get to know him. Though he is pretty different than the last time I saw him."

Jasper ain't much convinced, and I don't blame her. The first impression she got from him was…violent. I guess I'm just use to his behavior. Everyone is, really.

"He scares me. Reminds me of the song 'Big Iron'."

She says, falling asleep.

"Yeah. I can see that."

Jasper doesn't respond, as she drifts off, her head on my shoulder. It's only myself an' my thoughts now. Just driving in the dark, and hoping that I don't run into more NCR troops. Pretty sure they contacted the other tents, and told 'em we hijacked a truck and would be headed out. Legion probably got wind of it all, too. Honestly I'm not worried too much. Charon and Dez have the defense, an' they wouldn't follow us back home. That'd be suicide.

Dad's gonna be happy to see me. Bet he didn't actually expect me to come home. All that guy has is me, after all. To be honest, I'm sort of embarrassed by him. He's wonderful, a great dad, and we get along but…I just wish sometimes he'd go and find someone to love him. Ya know? Get out there an' find another woman. I understand being hurt over losing my mum, but…it's been long enough. Maybe when I get home I can help him with that. For a ghoul it's tough to find a woman, but there's many ghoul women out there. Could take a quick trip to Tenpenny Tower, an' find a nice girl. Dad can woo her, wed her, an' make a home in Megaton. Everyone knows he ain't leavin' that place anytime soon. An' I don't really intend to, either. It's my home, pops needs my help, so it's only natural for me to stay. Probably gonna take over the shop too, when he gets tired of runnin' it. Don't see him or Charon about to lay down and pass away anytime soon. Which is fine with me. After all, Cain ain't ready to take on the responsibility of guarding Megaton. Kid's too inexperienced for that.

As for Jasper, though. She's got a lot of learning to do. Gonna have to take some serious time. Woman ain't never held a gun before. And with the threat of outsiders always high in Megaton, due to the obvious resources, it's only natural that she learn how to defend herself. I can tell she has no interest in that, since she's used to having people defend her. Ain't gonna happen back home. I mean I'll do what I can but shit, I'll be busy working at the shop and helpin' out around town. Never really had to watch over anyone. Cept Diz, when she was a kid and whatnot. Everyone is kinda just born knowing how to shoot a gun out here.

As much as I care for Jasper, I wonder if bringing her was a mistake. The girl is so used to life in New Vegas, that she's gonna be bored real fast with the Capital Wasteland. Then she's gonna wanna go back home, and I'm gonna have to deal with that. I don't really want to make the trip back, especially with the bounty on my head. But I can't let her go on her own. Guess I'm just gonna have to cross that bridge when I get to it, though. Ain't nothing I can do right now, except worry, an' that never gets me anywhere good.

As the drive goes on, with nobody to speak to, I take the time to just let my damned mind wander. I start thinking about my childhood, and shit my dad and I did together. Building stuff, trips to visit Charon and Dez at their hideout in the Sniper Shack. My dad used to tell me if I told anyone about their 'secret home', they would move it, and we wouldn't be able to visit it anymore. Smart way to get a kid to shut up, if ya ask me. And it's partially true. They didn't want nobody after them or shit like that.

Thinking about it more, dad told me a lot of shit that wasn't true. If I was gettin' annoyin', he'd yell 'freeze'. I was supposed to not move, and if I did, shit would go down. Not sure what the consequences were, I just know now that he did it when I got too loud an' he wanted a moment of peace. But shit, kids don't act up much back home. When I was a kid, Super Mutants were popular. Luckily I lived in Tenpenny for a bit, so they wouldn't get us. But I'd see them pass by. They don't mess with ghouls, and never bothered me, but that is still some scary shit to see.

All this thinking makes me remember 'Kenzie. McKenzie, really. I liked her. Never got to play with her much. Still have no idea why. Dad just always said she wasn't into playing with other kids. Probably had somethin' to do with her mom, though. Wonder if they ever made it out alright, you know, after leavin' Megaton and all. Maybe I'll try to find her when we get back. Jasper won't like it much, now that I think about it.

"Sleepin' alright there?"

I ask Jasper, to just make some damned noise. She doesn't respond, she's out like a light. Looks pretty when she's sleepin' though. Wonder if anything could make this girl ugly. Living in the Capital Wasteland, girls aren't really one to care for themselves. I mean it's all about survival, and lots are good lookin', but Jasper is different. She's been inside, literally, her entire life. Ain't never been exposed ot the harsh sunlight, ain't never had to fight for her life. She's not as tones as the girls who spend their time surviving, and not as quick-witted either. Can't help but ask myself again, though if bringin' her was a mistake. Maybe she was happier in New Vegas. But I don't know. I jus' know I can't take her back here if she asks. Walking and driving exhaust me just the same.


	15. Fields the Daziest

(Dizzy)

This drive feels like it's been going on _forever_! Dad and Zack have been switching off, and everyone is hot, and tired, and just wants to get to Megaton. The terrain is all sorts of bumpy and rocky, which is a good thing, and a bad thing. Good because it means we're close, and bad because we're getting tossed around every which way. We haven't run into any trouble, though. Not one strange thing. We've passed people, and Raiders, but they don't chase trucks. One group of Raiders did. And then we laughed at them, and it was funny.

Mom's been on the lookout. Since you know, she doesn't know how to drive. Actually I think she does, and just really sucks at it, so dad won't let her. Dad is still in his 'super serious evil angry eyes' mode, and mom is still in her 'adventure time for every one' mode. I'm not sure who annoys me more. So I guess it's a taste of my own medicine for being such a jerk kid. Cain and I like to talk when everyone is asleep. Minus, you know, the driver. I got all sorts of excited on the second night, when I could see the stars. Made mom and dad promise me they'd take us all out near the Vault 101 entrance again, and make a fire and tell stories. Mom was quick to agree, dad, no so much. He just kinda nodded after a bit of nagging from me. So I have no idea. Cain kinda wants the fires again, too. Says it reminds him of being a kid. I don't want to be a kid again, so I have no clue how he got that idea. Life as an adult is a lot more fun. Sure I don't see things the same, but it's fun.

"The friends, the trusties, way back hooome!"

I sing, but trust me I can't sing half as good as mom. I get my voice from my dad, I think. Or someone without musical talent. So probably dad.

"Don't know why I left the homestead! I really must confess! I'm a wry exile, singing my song of lonliness!"

"Shut up."

Zack says, tossing an empty water bottle at me. He's laying behind me with Jasper, and Cain sits down on the bench thing in the truck bed. Mom and dad are up front, driving.

"I was just trying to be fun. Sorry my light of laughter and lighthearted-ness was lost on your head, old man."

"You were being annoying. We're all miserable right now, stop making it worse."

"Zack, lighten up. She's excited."

"She's a brat."

Cain and Zack bicker back and forth for a bit, and I sigh. It's not about me anymore, their arguing. Now it's about who lets their girlfriend get away with more crap.

"Girls, girls, girls! You're both pretty. Can we get on with it now?"

Zack and Cain shoot me an evil eye. I take that as a solid no, and go back to staring at the trail of dust we're leaving behind us. It must not have rained in a while. Jasper comes over, and sits next to me. What I wouldn't give to put the back down and let my legs dangle over. Dad says I might fall out if he hits a bump, so he vetoed that idea.

"They sure argue like girls."

Jasper says, lighting up a cigarette. We've been smoking a lot these past few days. Then again, we've also been sleep-deprived, and at one another's throats. The only two not arguing with one another is my dad and mom. But they hardly ever argue anyways. It's like they just stay in this bubble of their own world.

"Get used to it. They'll be back to normal soon enough though. Then it's funny watching them fight."

"I'm gonna miss New Vegas…"

I cock an eyebrow at her.

"What's there to miss?"

"The people, the regulars. They're going to look for me, if they already haven't. They're going to wonder where I am."

"Aw, that's not much. You've got a lot more waiting for you in the Capital Wasteland."

Jasper shrugs, not really believing me.

"Yeah, I guess."

She gets all moody and silent. We all kind of do, really. As we get closer and closer to home, and I start to recognize things, though, excitement pumps through me.

"We're there! We're there!"

I start jumping around like a Fiend in the bed of the truck.

"Stop it, or you will fall, and I am not turning around to catch you."

Dad tells me all calm and cool. For some reason that calm voice of his scared me more than him yelling. I calm right the fuck down and hum to myself.

"I can almost smell the grass…"

I say, sighing and lighting a cigarette while Cain strokes my short, short hair as I sit between his legs.

"Grass has a smell?"

Jasper says, curious, and I nod.

"Wonder if Gob found a way to keep it from growing too much."

"Lawnmowers. They were once called Lawnmowers."

Dad tells us from the front. Before we left, that was an issue. Usually we'd let the Brahmin just graze wherever, and they'd chop it down. But it was really ineffective, and usually messy. Because you know, Brahmin shit everywhere.

"That was in pre-war times, dad. I don't think we can have those now."

"Your dad knows about pre-war?"

Jasper asks, and I look over at her. My mind isn't doing the thinking thing today, so I blurt.

"My dad is from pre-war. He's like…dad how old are you?"

"Three-hundred something. I have stopped caring to keep count."

Jasper's eyes grew ten times their normal size today. All the color left her face, and she looked at Zack, then me and Cain.

"Are you kidding? I would love to talk to you when you have a chance, if that's okay. I want to know everything you know about pre-war. It must have been wonderful back then, flowers, and real trees, and…and…"

"No."

One word, silences her. One word from dad makes her shut up. Dad doesn't talk about pre-war, except to mom, and sometimes me. Jasper doesn't get sad over his shut-down, though. She just looks at me, wondering something.

"What's up?"

She shakes her head at me, and goes to stare out the back of the truck. My mind snaps back to that legend dude she told me about, and dad isn't helping disprove that. Not that it's real, but dad has two annoying women in his life. He does not need a third, and she will not be at my house every day. Wow. Anger and resentment building up there, Diz. Before I can say anything, though, mom catches us all off guard.

"Home…"

I get so excited I nearly jump out the back of the truck. I probably would have, too, if Cain didn't grab me by my top. But it's good he grabs me, or else I wouldn't have been able to see the grass as the truck starts to drive over it. It smells so nice. Like…after a hot rain. Or that smell of fresh mornings. Like it's still chilly out, but the sun is rising, and you're freezing and can't wait for it to rise so you can just hurry up and warm up. Then, once the sun is up, you regret that.

"It does smell…"

Jasper whispers to herself. She looks at me, and I smile back before we both look back down at the grass. I feel Cain's arms around my waist, and I smile.

"We're home."

I sigh, smiling and taking in the biggest breath I can.

"I know, I'm glad."

"Me too."

The truck starts to slow down, and I can't wait for it to stop. I'm sure everyone in Megaton is going to be really confused over this truck, but they'll see dad and mom and figure they're up to their old tricks. Cain lets me go to grab the pack we have, and puts it over his shoulders. I hold on to the rods as we come to a stop, and as soon as the truck isn't moving, I jump out.

"Grass!"

I yell, tossing myself in it, and rolling around. It smells so sweet, and feels like the dew from the morning it on it. And it feels a bit irradiated. But I don't care. That makes it feel ten times better. I open my eyes to see Jasper climbing out of the back of the truck, holding Zack's hand, barefoot. She's smiling, but scared about stepping on it. When she does, all that scared goes away, and she has this giant grin on her face as she reaches down to stroke the grass with her hands.

"…It's amazing…"

I hear the cab door slam, and see mom walking towards me, and then dad gets out. Mom's smiling at me, and dad, well…he's dad. I feel like crying right now, because I'm bursting with so much happiness and joy.

"Where's Megaton?"

Mom said there used to be a giant dome around the city that you could see for miles and miles. I kinda wish it was here now, so I could just point it out to Jasper.

"Right there."

I say, pointing to the town half-hidden behind the truck we came in. Zack and Cain walk over, half smirking at us. Jasper and I get up, and no sooner are we on our feet, when we hear a familiar voice.

"Zack!"

It's Gob, and Zack is the first to see him coming around from mom's side of the truck. Father-son hugs ensue, with Jasper standing there blushing and looking at her feet. Just because she pissed me off earlier, and because I missed Gob like crazy, I go up and hug him, too. Cain stays out of it. He's not very touchy-feely, but he does shake his hand.

"I'm so glad you kids are safe. Do you have any idea how worried I was, Zack?"

"Dad…"

"I need help running the shop and I gotta worry about my only son out in New Vegas gallivanting with strippers and whatnot!"

"Uh, dad…?"

Gob's too focused in his rant, switching from happy to parental anger, to love, and back again, to notice Jasper standing near Zack.

"Dad!"

Gob finally stops long enough to listen. I have no idea where my parents wandered off to, probably the house, knowing them.

"This is Jasper, my girlfriend."

Jasper outstretches her hand, and utters a soft 'hello' to Gob.

"She's beautiful, Zack."

Jasper blushes, and it's apparent on her pale skin.

"My parents were ghouls, too. But, they changed after I was born."

"Well, in this family it does no good to be a bigot. We're all ghoul, or at least, half."

He eyes me and Zack at that. I smile, and motion that Cain and I are going to our house. The one we haven't been inside since forever. After all, Zack and Gob need time to catch up. Gob needs to get to know Jasper. He must be fuming mad, though. Doesn't see his kid in over a year, then he comes home with a lady on his arm. Actually I don't know how he would feel about that. So I ask Cain once we're away.

"What do you think Gob thinks of Zack bringing Jasper?"

Cain shakes his head.

"What everyone else thinks. That it was a mistake."

"You think that, too?"

I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one thinking that.

"She's great for Zack, I mean, she makes him happy. But, she's never held a gun. Never had to fight, or work hard aside from dancing. She's more of a liability than a leisure here."

"But there in lo-ove."

"So aren't we, but you don't see us going somewhere with no experience. At least we know how to keep ourselves safe. Jasper…"

"She has soft hands."

Cain looks at me, raising an eyebrow. The citizens of Megaton point and talk about us, as we walk into the town limits. Which is fair, we have been gone a while, and their sheriff is home, too. So they're probably really relieved.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means she's never really worked a day in her life."

Cain gets what I'm trying to say, as we enter our house. Mom and dad are sitting at the kitchen table, yawning. Dad just sits, really.

"It's good to be home. You didn't like, take my room did you?"

"No, Diz, it's still there. You should go up and sleep. It's been a rough few days."

Mom tells me, as I go to climb the stairs.

"I am. We'll see you in a bit, after we rest up. Then we'll go socialize."

And we run upstairs, happy to finally be in our own bed, in our own home, in our own town.


	16. Teach Me All A Heart Should Know

(Charon)

"They are going to follow us."

I tell Dezbe, as the door upstairs slams shut. I am exhausted, physically and mentally, but I cannot stop to rest. Not now, at least. Not when there is much to discuss, and think about. Dezbe looks at me, tired and worn, from across the table.

"…You sure on that?"

She asks as if she is fearful of the impending arrival of the NCR, and possibly Legion. Before, she would be excited for this kind of news. I feel now, things are different.

"Fairly certain. As Zack and I were taking the truck, there were threats. Though I think them to be empty, we should prepare regardless."

Dezbe sighs, putting her head down.

"Is something troubling you?"

"No. No I'm just tired. I'd be more excited over fighting the bad guys again, but, shit Charon, how can you be awake?"

"There are threats. A note was on the door as I walked in."

Pulling it from my pocket, I slide it over to her. She lifts her head and scans it over.

"What do you make of it?"

I ask her opinion, before sharing my own.

"There's nothing to make. It says it, right here. Technology to get valuable armor is available near the Outcast base. The old one. Who left it?"

"That is the problem. I did not take the time to ask around. Even if I did so, nobody would know. It is easy to do such things here."

"You're right on that. Looks like this technology can't function without a Pip-Boy 3000, though."

"The very series you have on your arm."

"Adventure?"

"Tomorrow, Dez."

"Adventure?"

"Tomorrow."

She pouts at me, but then smiles. I sigh, and roll my eyes.

"What kinda technology you think it is?"

"Probably one to get inside a sealed vault for armor. We should go armed, and on guard. They could be Outcasts looking for revenge."

"We killed them all."

"We do not know that."

"It's been like, twenty years. They'd all be really, really, old."

"Hatred can be passed down through the generations, Dezbe."

"That's stupid. Why would you teach your kids hate?"

I light a cigarette, to keep myself from falling asleep. Dezbe does the same, and I suspect, for the same reasons.

"I do not know. Why take an orphan and train him to kill?"

Dez grows concerned. I should not have said anything. She gets up, walking over to my side of the table, and sits on the floor beside me. I hate when she does this, when she rests her head on my thigh, and asks me what is wrong. Because I cannot lie to her, when she asks like that.

"Charon? What's on your mind?"

Sighing, I shake my head and ask out my cigarette as I take a drag.

"Visiting New Vegas, reminded me of moments from my past, that I did not wish to be reminded of."

"You've been there?"

"No. I was stationed there, for a short time, in Arizona. Not New Vegas. Still. It is not a time I wish to remember. It was with John. A bit before the war. Times were dark, and dangerous. Had we not left when we did, we would have been killed in the bombing of the West Coast."

"Do you want to visit him? Will that help?"

"No. It simply reminded me of Anchorage, is all. It was a bit after that, and I was still struggling with my failure there."

"Failure? Charon, you never fail."

"Exactly why it is bothersome. A minor failure, a lost piece of important armor, but nothing I was responsible for."

"Now I'm confused."

Standing, I place my cigarette in my mouth, and begin to climb the stairs. Dezbe knows that I will talk to her when we are alone, in our room. That way, if there is a curious citizen, they will not hear us talking in the kitchen. They will not bother us. I do not wish to be bothered right now. I wish to speak with my wife, and sleep peacefully.

Inside our bedroom, we begin to disrobe from our armor. A freedom we have not had in a while. Dezbe takes her leather off before myself, and lays in bed, naked, waiting to talk. I keep my shirt and boxers on, as I climb in bed beside her. Being married…I appreciate it more than most. Due to my past, and due to the fact, that Dezbe and I have no issues between us. Sometimes, I feel, as if this is the life, and the love, that many pre-war people were unable to find. Even now, it is difficult, if not harder than in the past.

"What about this armor? What if it has something to do with the note?"

I shake my head, resting on the pillow.

"No. When I was in Anchorage, a squad mate had failed his mission. Though it had nothing to do with me, and my orders were apart from his, I felt responsible for it. For his death, and not helping. Yet it was not in my orders to help, nor to retrieve the armor. They were more than displeased, and punished him accordingly."

"With death?"

"Yes. Upon my return, in Arizona, I was still feeling shame. The shame, that I had failed at something I had no responsibility over. Now, it means nothing, but back then, I did not know I was to lead this life. I felt, it was the most important thing."

Dez smiles, and lays down. I put my arm around her, and feel the warmth of her cheek through my shirt.

"You've gotten really good at talking about things now, Charon. I'm proud of you. And proud you're mine and nobody else's."

"What do you think of Jasper?"

I ask, curious, as I hear Gob's voice, him yelling at Zack to hurry, from outside the thin walls of my home.

"I think Zack is an idiot for bringing her. Pretty as she is, she's never held a gun. And Dizzy says she wants you to teach her how."

There is jealousy in Dezbe's voice. But not the kind where she feels threatened. Instead, she is worried that I will spend more time with someone else, than our newly reunited family.

"If there is time, and it is convenient. I would first like to enjoy the company of my family. Zack brought her here, she is his responsibility."

"Like I was yours."

"And still are. Zack is too young. He will lose interest. He has a long life ahead of him, and his circumstances are different than ours, or Dizzy's. He will soon lose interest, and not wish to be around her. Love is being responsible for someone else out here, and making sure they are safe. He seems misguided by lust."

"You were once, too."

"I have a peculiar feeling that we remember our past together very differently, Dezbe."

"Oh dear husband, you are such a downer."

She falls asleep not long after. I lie awake, thinking of the troubles Jasper may bring. I soften them with the thought that there has been more and more Vault 101 citizens coming here. They have never held a gun, and do fine. More, I worry, that Jasper will be too spoiled to do such things. She did not grow up in Megaton, but in Gomorrah. Those are two very different places. With very different responsibilities.

The moonlight, shines in through our bedroom window. It has no glass, as pre-war homes would. Instead, thin pieces of sheet metal line it, and two strips create the square window shape, one is used to seeing. There are no screens, to keep the bugs out. There are no bugs. None, small enough to creep in without notice, anyways. Just the Botflies, and those are only present in New Vegas. So it is simply moonlight. When it rains, we place a sheet of metal over the opening. It has been this way since before I lived this life. Since Megaton was first founded, as glass…is a hard thing to come by. At least, glass cut perfectly for windows, that is.

All I can think of, is the song Dez sang on the way home. The one I gave to her many years ago. In the past, I never realized how much it meant to her. But now, seeing her after so many years, sing it simply from memory…One simply does not remember such things for no reason. For anyone to remember anything so insignificant as a song, it has to mean something. To Dez, I realized as I watched her sing, it meant the world. The night I presented it to her, started our relationship. In her mind. And the night that it is never sung again, marks the end. As I recite the words in my mind, I remember what it once meant to me. A time, that many, would have now forgot.

When I first heard it, John and I were at a banquet. Only the most elite, the richest, those of importance, in pre-war were there. A woman stood upon stage, singing it as if her life had depended on it. As if she was similar to me, and had been ordered to do such a thing. Yet, she was not. She was not ordered to perform, was not bound to give such a performance, and yet she did. Her voice, and the words, caused me to remember it to this day. I remembered it, because on that night, I felt that it would one day mean something to me. I wrote those lyrics down on a piece of napkin. I had kept that napkin in my pocket, until the bombs fell. Only then, after John forced me to leave the vault, did I lose it. Yet I remembered it. I thought, as I wandered alone in the fires, that maybe there was a god above.

As I watched people die, mothers holding on to their children, and lovers embracing as the flames consumed them, I thought of only that song. Of how much they prayed for release of pain, for peace, and comfort. As they begged for mercy, for someone to help them. When Underworld came, I decided, that I would only share the song, when I encountered someone who would see it as I did. As more than a song. See it as, a realization. A realization that life and love, are not easy. I did not know of love, but I knew when I saw those lovers, that it was not a victory march. And I needed to share it with someone, with as much pain and suffering as I had. Who could sing it from the bottom of their heart, and appreciate every note. That person, was, and is still, Dezbe. Nobody else, understands the pain of loss, failure, and as I soon learned, the hurt of losing someone.

In the night, I hold Dezbe closer to me. Squeeze her, as if someone is trying to tear her from my arms. I feel tears in my eyes. I never thought that now, something could provoke this. But, losing her, losing what I have now, causes tears.

"Charon?"

Dezbe says, opening her eyes. I look down at her, struggling to hold back emotion. But she knows me, and she sees through it, as I look down at her.

"Charon? What's wrong?"

Rising, I feel her hand on my cheek. I close my eyes, and press my face into her hand.

"Nothing. Just…thinking."

I respond, covering her hand with my own.

"About what? Charon, you haven't…is everything okay? I'm worried about you. Are…are you going to leave us?"

My eyes open, and I stare into hers. She thinks, that I am going to leave her? Our family? I stare at her deep brown eyes, and see that she's frightened. This is a real fear to her.

"No, Dez. I…would never leave you, or our family. Do not ever think, for one moment, that I would leave and never return."

"But you've been…acting like you did before. Like you did with Lily, when I came home from New Vegas…"

"No. I…have just been stressed. I would never leave you, you should know this."

"I guess you worry, that the person you love is going to leave sometimes. Especially when you think they don't love you as much as they did."

It comes to light. Dezbe wanted this adventure, to make me fall in love with her again. Yet I already love her. Have I not been affectionate enough? Have I been neglectful of her needs as a woman? I feel an immense guilt. As if I am the cause of her pain. What could I have done, to make her think such things?

"I love you more than I did yesterday, and tomorrow I will love you more than I do today. What caused you to think otherwise?"

She looks at me, and tears fall down her face.

"You're a mercenary, Charon. You're not meant for this. This life here, and I know you've always wanted it, but I can't help but feel…you'd rather be out protecting someone. Fighting. Something, I don't know."

"I would rather be with you, and Dizzy, no matter what we may be doing. You know I am happy. Is this why you chose to go to New Vegas?"

"Yeah. Because…I felt like our love life wasn't like it was. The passion, and you know…"

I run my fingers through her hair. I wish I had known, because then, I would have shown her otherwise.

"I…cannot express to you, the happiness I feel. How meeting you, changed everything I once knew. How meeting this…insatiable, lunatic that you are, forced me to be who I am today. And who I am today, is everything I could have ever hoped to be. I have a family. A daughter who adores me, a wife who loves me, and a town that looks to me for protection. Without you, this could never be a reality. I am happy, Dez, and I am sorry, for making you think, for one moment, I was not."

"So…you're not going to leave, and never come back?"

"Unless you're beside me, no. This is my home, and my life now. I enjoy it. And John…he is proud. I can see it in his eyes. He is proud of who I am, and who I became. Thanks to you."

"And my award winning personality."

"Yes…let us not forget _that_."

She laughs, and kisses me. I am a ghoul. I am not Cain anymore. Once, in a life that was not my own, I was. I do not feel I deserve Dez. Insane as she can be, and annoying as she is, I do not deserve a smoothskin with her beauty and determination. Perhaps, if I was human, I would. But when I was human, I did everything to drive her away. I did all I could to hurt her. I was not myself. She did not love me, as a human. She loves me as I am. I suppose, even now, it is hard to accept that.

"You have a such a way with words, Charon."

She kisses me again, pulling at my shirt. It has been a while, since we had something meaningful between the sheets. Since it was more than something other than stress relief. And I give her that. I am tender, and soft, and show her in so many words and indulgent caresses, that she means more to me than I can ever say. Outside, someone plays that song. Of not wanting to set the world on fire, but wishing only to set a flame in their heart. Dezbe knows I am not a man of emotion, and will never be, but tonight, I can tell her just that. That I have one desire, and it has been, and always will be, her.

"I love you."

I tell her, kissing her. I rarely say it first. Only because she should know. I see now, that she may know, but one must be reminded. She goes out of her way to remind me every chance she gets that she loves me. Why can I not do the same? I simply never thought of it before. Never saw the importance of it. I do now, and will try to remember. To leave small notes, to bring her home treasures of no importance, but things that show her I care. I should ask Gob, tomorrow, how to approach romance. Dez is my wife, but that does not mean I can slack on reminding her I love her more than my own life. Still, to this day, I would do as my contract said. I would lay down my life, for her.

"I think that's…one of the first times you've ever said it first."

She says to me, laying close, quiet, after sex. I stroke her hair, gentle, remembering our first time together in that abandoned house.

"I should have told you it after we first slept together. I regret I did not."

"You were in love with me then?"

"I was in love with you long before then, Dez."

"Really? Since when?"

"Since the night you cried for your father here. That night, when you needed nobody in the world, but me, I realized I loved you. Yet, I could not understand it. I do now. And I know, it was then, that I fell in love with you."

"I told you I loved you that night."

I sigh, pulling her closer.

"I was still under contract. I did not know how to act, respond, or think. I just knew, that I mattered to you, and that I always wanted to. And I always wanted to be beside you, despite the pain and consequences."

She smiles, and closes her eyes.

"I…am really happy knowing that. And you still love me even now. You're…the best. You're the best, and I'm so damned glad we met."

I am, as well.


	17. Way Back Home

(Dizzy)

I can't sleep. So Cain and I decided to sneak out for a late-night walk around. Plus mom and dad seemed to be having an important discussion in their room. Usually when I can hear mom talking, it's because she's sad and can't control volume. Or angry. Really, really angry. Then all of Megaton can hear her flipping out on dad. Which is rare. Not really that rare, but still.

I almost forgot what Megaton and the Capital Wasteland look like at night. There's billions and billions and trillions of stars, some brighter than others. And the moon is white and silver and sometimes a soft blue, too. On really clear nights you can see different colors in the sky, and 'space clouds'. You know, dark rivers in the night sky, that I don't know the real name to, so I named them myself. Grabbing Cain's hand as we reach the hill behind the saloon, I sigh and look down at Megaton.

Lights, on strings, litter the town. It gives a romantic light to the place, letting lovers walk beneath them all romantic and such. I didn't know it was this beautiful before. I guess you really do have to leave home, to appreciate it later. It's late but there's still townsfolk out. I can see Gob's Craterside Supply door opening and closing, and Zack and Gob go in and out to grab things and bring them inside. I don't know what for. I haven't seen Jasper, and I suppose she's inside, having to adapt to the different style of living here. Homes aren't as luxurious here as they are on the Strip. She's probably having a big culture shock moment right now.

"Something on your mind?"

Cain says, when a warm wind hits me. I look up at him and smile.

"Not really, no. Just thinking. Happy to be home I guess."

Home where we have crops, grass, Brahmin and whatnot. Things that they don't have much, or anything of, back in New Vegas. I don't think I want to go back there. I fit in more here. It's the survival lifestyle that suits me. I didn't realize that until now.

"I am too. We don't have hardly enough privacy, though."

"Maybe we should look for our own place out here."

It's a suggestion at least. The Capital Wasteland is my home, after all. I wouldn't mind finding a place to live out here. Mom and dad would only be a few days' walk, no matter where we moved to.

"That's an idea. There's a place called Dukov's Place down in the city. I don't know who lives there, but we could check it out."

"Probably some old git named Dukov. I hear it's a mansion. I wouldn't mind living in a mansion."

"Let's not jump ahead of ourselves, Diz. We just got home. A few days of rest and relaxation and we'll be ready to explore the things we haven't had a chance to."

I let go of Cain's hand and lay down in the dirt. I like the view up here. I like listening to the silence of the Capital Wasteland, and staring up at the sky. It's never quiet in New Vegas, and you can never see any stars, because it never gets dark enough. It's almost like that place never sleeps. There's always someone gambling, buying drinks, or dances. None of the casinos close, and it's like one big party all day every day. I really do like it better out here, the silence, the people, the fact that night comes and out in the Wasteland you can't see your hand in front of your face. I mean, it's like that in the Mojave Wasteland, too, but you have to go so far away from the Strip to see it. Here, you just step outside, and it's dark. Except for the small lights Megaton has, but they're not bright enough to bother anyone, really.

Sitting up, Cain sits next to me. We stare down at Megaton, looking at our house.

"It's my dad."

I say, pointing to our home. He's walking around outside, looking for something.

"He's probably looking for you."

Cain's right, because dad sees our silhouettes atop the hill, and goes back inside. Ever the doting father. As emotionless as he is, he cares a lot about me. Leaning into Cain, I close my eyes, and replay memories of my childhood. Of dad, mostly. I smile to myself, as I remember him tossing me high into the air. I could feel my dress in the wind, and felt like I was flying. I would laugh, and laugh, and dad would laugh, too, and throw me even higher. I was never scared of falling and hitting the ground. Because dad would always catch me.

He was always there for me, growing up. Always willing to have fun with me. Like teaching me how to ride a tricycle, he was patient, and laughed when I fell over. I don't think anyone felt it possible to fall over on a tricycle, but I managed. And when I cried over something, a scarped knee, elbow, or kids being mean, dad would pick me up, dust me off, and smile at me. I knew between him and Cain, nobody in the whole would could hurt me. I think it's still that way now, too. Dad was always there, to be my personal playground. He'd let me climb up his armor, like a pre-war animal, and hang on the straps and plates. I'd hook my feet in his belt loops, and stand up, holding fast with my hands to his straps along his shoulders. And he'd resume patrolling Megaton, as if I wasn't even there. I really thought I was invisible, and I'd laugh, and he'd pretend to hear something behind him, and turn around and round, looking for someone.

Then, I'd yell 'Daddy! It's me!' and he'd pull me off of his back and ask how long I'd been there. I know now, that he knew all along I was there. People tend to notice when they have to carry an extra twenty pounds. But back then, I really believed he didn't, and I was the sneakiest thing in the world. When he would put me on his shoulders, I felt like I was on top of the world. I was so tall up there, it was such a rush. I'd hold on to his head, laughing and smiling, especially when he ran around with me up there. Mom would yell and tell him not to drop me, and he would tell her there was no way he could.

Once, when mom was telling him to not let me fall as I was climbing under the Megaton walkways, she distracted him. He looked away, and I fell. Mom really chewed him out for that one, because I had a giant cut on my head. Dad's only argument was that she distracted him, but she wasn't having it. So no matter what, dad was wrong, and I was crying and bleeding. So he picked me up by my leg, held me upside down and said I needed to stop crying. Being held upside down while you have a head wound isn't good, but dad knew that I'd laugh at being upside down. And so I did. And while I was still bleeding and being held upside down, he told mom 'She's fine, Dez, you worry too much' to which mom freaked out and said 'She's bleeding everywhere! Charon! Charon give her radiation right now!'.

Dad wasn't any different than any other dad in Megaton. He squished my face together and laughed, while mom was gentle and kind. He had more fun sliding down the hill in the mud than with playing house, and we would build things that mom would get mad over. Like my swing. Dad made a tire swing that hung from the roof of our house. He would pull it to the top of the sniper perch, put me in it, and let me go. And I would swing higher and higher, laughing, and dad would laugh too. Mom found that stunt not funny at all and nearly killed dad over it. Man, thinking back, I had a great childhood.

"Dad was really awesome growing up, wasn't he?"

I say, lifting my head off of Cain. He looks at me, smiling.

"Yeah, he was pretty fun. Dezbe was always mad when he pulled some stunt with you."

"She never got mad if he did it with you, though."

"Because I'm a boy. Boys usually tend to be more rough-and-tumble than girls."

I light a cigarette, smiling.

"We were both rough-and-tumble, really. Except for tea parties. Tea parties were tame and simple."

Cain laughs at remembering those.

"Charon really had to bite the bullet to play those with you. It was quite the sight."

Laying back down, I smile, and smoke my cigarette. Cain lays next to me, his arm across my stomach.

"You know, Diz, having a daughter was really hard for him."

I turn my head to look at Cain, more than a bit confused.

"Boys you can fuck with. Figure out how much they can endure and handle, and even if we break, we can solider on. But with a girl, you have to be tender, and kind."

"Dad was definitely not tender with me. He was always tossing me into stuff."

Cain laughs, kissing my cheek.

"But you weren't made to do work, learn to shoot at a young age, or anything. You didn't have to protect yourself, you had Charon and me."

Cain's right and I don't want to admit it. Poking out my cigarette, I can really only say one thing to it.

"Feels great to be home, though, doesn't it?"

"I think you just missed your daddy."

I hit him playfully, because he's right. I really missed my dad a lot. More than I want to admit, especially to Cain. But Cain just laughs, and kisses me. Really, I missed home a lot, too.

"Think we'll still get along here as well as we got along in New Vegas?"

I ask, as I lay on my back, with Cain over me. I've missed how he looks against the backdrop of the Capital Wasteland sky. He belongs here, too. His face, hardened features, they all fit well with a decrepit city and falling highway behind him. It makes me smile, as I look at him. A cool wind hits me, and makes me shudder. Cain's fingertips graze my bare arm, and he sighs.

"We didn't have much time to talk in New Vegas. Usually we'd be doing something."

"I know, and now here we're completely and utterly free. What if we get sick of one another?"

"That's what alone time is for. We don't have to always be together. We were apart for a bit in New Vegas."

I bite my cheek, taking my hand from his face. You could cut crops with that jawline of his.

"And remember how tired and worn down you were after? Sometimes we'd really push those limits, Cain. With me spending time with the Nero. You'd get really sluggish sometimes."

Cain shrugs, like it's no big deal. But to me, it was. Still is.

"So we know our limits."

He plays it off, but I'm worried. If I spent one night away, I would come back to a Cain hardly able to lift himself up off of the bed. He'd get so weak, and sick, it was like he wasn't even himself. Some nights, when I wouldn't be home with him, I'd wonder if there was a way to break the bond. Sever the ties to him needing to be around me, without killing either one of us. Science isn't my strongpoint, so often I'd come up empty. But maybe, I could ask Gob, or Barrows. Maybe even mom and dad would know a way. Because although a lifetime with Cain is a happy thought to me, I don't want there to be suffering if we have to part. Mom and dad were apart for five years, twice, and if Cain and I did that, he'd die.

"What're you thinking about?"

I realize he asked because tears started to get all in my eyes, and places they shouldn't be.

"You. About…how really us not being able to be apart can create a problem. What if we're like my parents, where we need time? What if not getting time really hurts our relationship?"

Cain's eyes go soft. I know he wants to say the romantic bullshit. You know, about how he'll never need to be away from me. But both of us know it's true. Cain can't do things on his own, and neither can I. What if something comes up, where he has to be alone? Or I have to go ahead without him? I guess when you're blinded in the honeymoon stage of a relationship, you don't realize this. I didn't. Now, I do. And I don't know why. Maybe the whole going to New Vegas and then coming back had something to do with it. Or maybe, we're just growing up, and realizing having a relationship like my mom and dad, isn't all sunshine and rainbows. There's a lot of hard work put into it.

"…We're going to have to cross that bridge when we get to it."

"But what if I was an employer? I mean, you'd have to give them alone time, too."

"Alone time, for a night. I doubt if I was hired by someone, they'd only need me for a day. If so, it wouldn't have been me they hired."

"That's stupid. I don't think those people thought it through when they made you."

I sit up, Cain moving out of my way. He leans back on his elbow, sighing.

"No, I think they thought it through very well. They wanted the best, Charon, and so they made me. They wanted someone for permanent hire, who would never fail, and if they did, they died. I think, they thought this out perfectly. What they didn't think of was Charon and Dez crashing their party."

Smirking, I look at him.

"I don't think anyone really planned them doing that."

"Nope. But see the difference? They didn't plan on me ever having a normal life. They had also planned on getting Charon back, probably to train me. Dez had more of an influence on him than they thought, though."

"There has to be a way to fix it. Some answers in the Citadel Ruins, maybe?"

Cain shrugs, laying on his back with his arms behind his head.

"Maybe. Maybe not."

I shake my head at him, and stand up. No, there _has_ to be. See, I may not be one with science, but I know that to do science, you always, always, _always_ have the records of how you got there. And there has to be a record, that would show how to _un _-do what they did. I mean, a failsafe of some sort.

"Cain, there has to be. I mean, what if your employer went rogue? They'd need to get you back, so maybe there's some word, or something. Something you'd say or yell and you'd…not shut down, but take _different_ orders."

"And if there is?"

His tone is filled with disbelief.

"Then there is a way to fix our…situation. Not saying I don't want to be stuck with you but…"

I pace back and forth in front of him, Megaton below me, the sky above me.

"But it might have to happen."

"Exactly. We can't always be conjoined at the hip. It's fun for a while, but you'd need a break from me eventually."

"I can see that. Yeah. A break would be nice."

I stop pacing and sit back down next to him, our next mission decided.

"Then we're going to the Citadel Ruins. That's our next fun-time. We'll bring what we find to Barrows, and he can help us from there."

"Sounds reasonable. We've been to Rivet City before, and the city is pretty safe."

"I want to explore the city, too."

Cain agrees. I flop on my back, smiling.

"It's so good to be home! Remember that guy with the robot fetish? Creepy bastard…"

"You act as if everything here is normal, Diz."

"It is. At least to us, it is."

Cain and I look at one another, with me smiling. The dirt beneath me, sky glittering like a bajillion radioactive signs, and the entire Capital Wasteland at our disposal. With me being immune to radiation, and Cain not really human, we could probably go see Vault 87, the one mom said was all radioactive. We could go explore Paradise Falls, and see if slavers still hunt there. And all of it is completely known to mom and dad, in case bad things happen. Plus, there's Megaton waiting for us, and we don't have a casino to run. I thought I was happy in New Vegas, and for a time I really was. I fought the idea of going home tooth and nail, but I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy in that room of mine, in that prison. Out there, the freedom to come and go, the air, and dark, it's all so much better. So much more fresh and new. Even though it's old, there's places that I've never seen, maybe even mom hasn't seen, either. And it's all here, waiting for me.

"I'm happy here, Cain."

I tell him, and he kisses my cheek. Which turns into a few more kisses. And then some passionate ones.

"We can't do anything here…"

I whisper to him, as he kisses down my neck.

"Why?"

"Megaton."

He pulls away and looks down. Anyone who wanted to could look out and see us, since the moon is full, and lighting us up like we're on display. Read: my dad.

"So?"

He goes back to kissing me. Believe me, I want to. I want to play and kiss and do all these awesome things to him, but really, I don't want to hear dad and mom yelling at me. Especially about sex. And how I shouldn't have it in public.

"When we go to the Citadel Ruins, we'll have plenty of time for outdoor activities."

Cain sighs, but gets the point. He rolls off of me, complaining a bit.

"You know, we can just go a few yards out…"

"You're starting to sound like me."

I tell him, and he shuts right up. Standing, I offer my hand to him.

"I think mom and dad have had their fun. Let's head back, and sleep in our own bed for the first time in forever and ever."

"Sounds good to me."

Cain takes my hand and walks with me back to Megaton. We take our time, though. Enjoying the sighs, and the cold front coming in. Usually when it gets chilly like this, it means the rain is coming. It's been so long since I've felt the rain, that I actually welcome it for a change. Though Megaton always gets a bit flooded, and people always worry, I'm happy it's coming. I like it.


	18. Don't Feel So Alone

(Dez)

"Charon, you have to keep an eye out."

"Hm."

These past few days have been nothing short of hectic. The kids are all running around the Capital Wasteland, leaving at the ass crack of dawn and coming home at sunset with things they've found. They're not going too far, since they always make it home. Really I think they're scoping out the best paths to take towards their next adventure. Which Dizzy has been hinting at in a not-so-subtle way. Then, we have Jasper and Zack. Jasper is learning to shoot a gun, and every time the noise comes out, everyone ducks. Zack quickly decided to take her out in the Wasteland to learn. She hasn't improved, and frankly acts like a spoiled brat about it. Complaining about how much her feet hurt, or how she's not strong enough to withstand the recoil of her pistol. Charon refuses to help, saying that he's busy and it isn't his responsibility. Which it's not, I'm on his side. And he has been busy, too, so I'm doubly on his side. Triply if you add in that I'm his wife.

"I can't believe they hit you. Their aim is getting better."

Lately we've had some new Raiders popping up from underground. We're not sure, all we do know is that they're a bit meaner and have better aim than the Raiders we're used to. Charon actually got hit, which never really happens. And the bullets are stuck, which is why I'm helping. Have to get them out somehow.

"That or I am just not fast enough."

He grunts as I pry another one from his arm, and put an irradiated cloth over it. He's topless, on the kitchen counter, with me pecking at his wounds.

"No, their aim is better. You're plenty fast."

"Are you finished?"

"One more to go…"

I say to him, pushing my surgical scissors into the wound. He doesn't move or jerk, he just glares at his surroundings. When I pull the bullet out, I bandage him up and smile.

"All set. You've got your work cut out for you, Sheriff."

Charon just looks at me. I roll my eyes and drink some irradiated water from the bottle in my hand. He gets off the counter, and starts to get his shirt and armor back on. I tell you, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't love looking at that in-shape body of his.

"Wanna go upstairs?"

I tug at his pants. He swats me away, sighing.

"I have to continue to patrol. Perhaps tonight."

"You are one distracted guy, you know that."

"I did not mean to be. I just have many things on my mind."

"What about?"

He slips on his leather armor, and starts to fasten the straps.

"I am going to take Cain and Zack into the Capital Wasteland, and train them. However, I do not know how to part Cain from Dizzy, without harm coming to him."

Charon wants to train the boys? I remember the two weeks he spent training me forever ago, and I shudder to think of it.

"Charon are you sure they're strong enough for that? And what about Dizzy?"

"They are. And Dizzy is not coming. I cannot subject my daughter to the training I plan to instill within the boys' young minds."

Dizzy is going to want to go anyways, but I can see Charon's point. I don't want her seeing her father like that, ever. She has this image of Charon, and it's that he's her savior and protector and she will forever and a day be 'Daddy's little girl'. There isn't much to believe in out here, so I want my kid to believe in what she can. Seeing her father as a ruthless training mercenary who is probably going to beat the shit out of Cain, isn't what I want her to see.

"Fine by me. And about that parting thing…what if we gave Cain some of Dizzy's armor? It has her scent, and probably other such things. It may work."

"It is worth a shot. If it does not, I will send him home. But I will remain to train Zack. He needs more discipline if he intends to take care of Jasper."

"Amen, brother."

Charon comes over and kisses the top of my head. I beam with happiness. He's been 100% more affectionate towards me since the night we got home from New Vegas. It's quite nice, and a girl could get used to it.

"I will gather the boys up."

"But Cain is in the Wastes with Dizzy."

"I know where they are today. No further than Vault 101. I saw them leave."

"Do they know about any of this…?"

Charon lights a cigarette, grabbing his shotgun and putting it on his back.

"No. But they will not deny my request."

I get up to follow him, wanting to see what's up and who starts with who. Charon's right, though. Zack and Cain would be stupid to deny this once in a lifetime event.

"You should fetch some of Dizzy's armor, before we leave."

Charon tells me, as I stand in the doorway with him on the porch. He gives me a look, and I sigh.

"Alright, alright."

I know he's right but I just felt like being difficult. I mean, if I agreed to everything he requested that wouldn't be much of a relationship. Charon and I have to keep one another on our toes. Which is why after this whole training ordeal is done, we intend to see what the Outcasts have discovered. What new technology shall be revealed. I'm excited for that. Especially since Charon and I are most in love, when we're saving the world. Not the world. The Capital Wasteland. I don't know if I've ever actually had to save the world. Wouldn't want to, anyways.

Grabbing Dizzy's stuff, I toss it in a pack and go meet Charon. He has his back to me, and slowly, sneakily, like a Yao Guai stalking its prey, I creep up on him. And then, when I'm close, I pounce.

"And I win!"

Before I can relish in the fact that I've successfully tackled him, Charon has me on the ground in front of him. Flat on my ass. I look back at him, his arms folded over his chest, and one eyebrow raised.

"Well. There's that."

I say, picking myself up. One day I'll be able to pin him down. I've never in my life been able to catch him off guard. Even when his guard is down, he's still waiting for something. It's almost impossible to sneak up on him.

"Who are we talking to first?"

"Zack. I will gather Cain after that, and then we're going to continue in the Wasteland."

"Wait, you're not going to give them any warning?"

Charon looks at me, shrugging and uncaring.

"No warning needed. They will train, and they will do as I say. There is no time for preparation."

"Preparation for training, right? Not some invasion you know of that I don't?"

Charon glances at me sideways as we make our way down to Craterside Supply. Zack hasn't gone out into the Wasteland with Jasper yet, it's too early in the day.

"Training."

Good. See I thought it was some sort of preparation for something that Charon knew and I didn't. Because then that would be bad.

"You should take Jasper with you too."

I whisper to him as we approach Craterside Supply. He scoffs at me, as he throws his cigarette to the ground. Charon hasn't really given a reason as to why he doesn't like Jasper. He just says he doesn't like how she's a liability. I can see that. Everyone else here kind of just does their own thing. We don't need to worry about protecting the citizens as individuals, but instead more as a whole. Charon sees Megaton as Megaton, and protects it as such. He isn't the only one doing it, either, which is why we're able to disappear to New Vegas or whatever for months on end. He's just the biggest and meanest, and you don't really want to fuck with him.

We don't have to go inside looking for them, since we hear both Zack and Gob outside. No idea where Jasper would be. She's usually attached to Zack by the hip, unless he's teaching her how to shoot.

"Hey. What ya' doin' round these parts?"

Charon says nothing, but grabs Gob and brings him inside.

"You ain't gotta grab me like that!"

I laugh as Gob shouts at him as they disappear around to the front, and vanish inside. I look over at Zack. You'd think he'd be taller than me, but we're the same height. I'm one of the taller women out here, since you know, vault life. I take pride in that.

"So…how's your day?"

I say, lighting a cigarette. Zack gives me an 'I-know-something's-up' look and I sigh.

"Charon came here to take you to train in the Wasteland with him and Cain."

"Will I be back for dinner? I'm starved."

"He kinda wants to go out there for a week or two. Maybe three? I don't know, I'm just the tagalong on this one."

Zack looks at me like I have six heads.

"Are you kidding me? Go into the Wastes and leave Jasper to herself? That's insane."

"Think about this, Charon isn't going to give you much room for it. You have a chance to train under the best mercenary in the Capital Wasteland. Maybe even, the country. I wouldn't take this offer for granted. I don't know what put Charon in this giving mood, but he's in it."

"I don't need to think about it to know it's insane."

"What's that song Dizzy keeps comparing him to? 'Big Iron'? It was played in New Vegas…"

Zack thinks of the song I'm mentioning. The song Dizzy keeps playing whenever Charon comes home. After actually listening to it, I realized that it does describe Charon. Pretty well, too.

"Yeah. You're right."

"Jasper should be fine with me and Gob around. How much trouble can she get into?"

"A lot…she's not used to this lifestyle. And she isn't adjusting very well…but she's learning."

"You do understand nobody is making a trip to New Vegas for her anytime soon, right?"

"Yeah."

Zack looks over at me. He's thinking Charon's offer over. Well, the offer I gave to him on behalf of Charon, since he's inside. But there isn't much time for him to think about it, because soon enough Charon reappears. And when he turns the corner, I look at him with a cocked head.

"The fuck you wearing?"

Charon traded in his leather armor that he had reinforced in New Vegas, for doctor fatigues. You know, a white shirt, satchel, belt, and light green loose pants. And boots. Even his boots are different.

"My armor needed repair."

He never, ever, ever lets anyone else but himself repair his armor. This makes me very much suspicious. I'm not saying Charon doesn't look good, because he does, but it's not him.

"You. You are very strange."

I say as I start to analyze him. He ignores me, turning to Zack.

"I suppose Dezbe told you of my offer. Are you coming?"

Straight to the point. But what's with the outfit change, and repair change? Charon is stuck in his ways. Hell he never even lets me repair his gun. For good reason, too, but still.

"I'm ready."

Zack tells him, and Charon nods. I assume Charon told Gob while inside, and Zack isn't packing anything. Charon will teach them to hunt out there. I think Zack knows that, too. So the three of us set off to find Cain and Dizzy, who are near the Vault 101 entrance. Or so Charon believes. I don't doubt him. What I do doubt is his reasoning for all this. And why. He's keeping something from me, and I know the two best spies in Megaton. Me and Dizzy. Us women…you can't hide nothing from us women.

Turns out Charon is right. We find Cain and Dizzy basically wandering in a circle looking for something. I have no idea what they're doing, really. Dizzy and him are just walking and shooting the shit.

"Hey!"

I yell to grab their attention. They jump, which is to be expected, and turn to face us. They didn't draw their weapons though, and seemed relieved to see us. What is going on that nobody is telling me? Whatever it is, I'll pry it out of Dizzy when the menfolk leave. Dizzy comes over to me, smiling, cheery as always.

"I need to speak with Cain. Dez, hand me the pack."

Charon says before getting a word out. He's in a mood. He gets like this sometimes. Cain and Charon go to talk, and there's a lot of hand motions to the pack, as Charon thrusts it into his chest.

"So. Nice weather?"

I ask to Zack and Dizzy. Dizzy knows something is up, and Zack is simply quiet. Neither one answer my question, so I answer it myself.

"I'd say it's a very nice day. I enjoy this weather."

Charon and Cain walk back to us, and Cain pulls Dizzy aside. He has to explain to her about the pack of her clothes, and how he's going to be away for a bit. I flinch when I hear Dizzy's shrill protests, but I just turn my attention to Charon.

"You keep them safe, Charon."

"They will be fine."

"They're children, remember that."

"You were much younger than them when you decided to train under me."

Everyone looks at me. I turn a bright red.

"You trained under dad? Wow…"

Dizzy says and I ignore her.

"That was then, Charon. You be safe, too."

"As always."

I stand on my tip toes to meet him halfway for a kiss. When I open my eyes to look at him, he can see that I don't want him to go. Which is true. I don't. I have this feeling, that I can't describe. I want him to stay here, with me, with the family.

"I'm going to miss you."

I whisper to him, all quiet and secretive. It feels like I'm saying goodbye for forever. But really, Charon and I haven't been apart in…over eighteen years. Hardly even for a night. I don't know how I spent five years, ten altogether, away from him in my youth. I can't bear to be away from him now.

"Zack, Cain, meet me at Springvale."

They leave, to a town I haven't visited in a while, only passed by.

"Dizzy, return to Megaton."

She doesn't want to listen, but she does. When we're alone, Charon turns his attention back to me, brushing a stray hair out of my face.

"You don't have to do this, you know."

I press my cheek into his chest. It feels strange, without any armor there.

"I know. I want to do it."

"We haven't been apart in over a decade, Charon. Do you want to be alone? Is that it?"

"No, Dez. I do not wish to go, either. But, they need to learn. They have responsibilities aside from themselves now."

It clicks. Charon is doing this for the women in their lives. He knows they'll be unable to protect them to the fullest extent, without knowing a trick or two.

"They can protect themselves…"

"If it was not my daughter at stake, I would not go."

"You know as well as I, that girl can protect herself just fine."

Charon kisses me, and it quiets my complaints. I know it's only for a couple of weeks. I know he's going to come back safe and sound, but I don't want him to go. I'm so accustomed to having him here, at every moment, and every turn, within earshot, that…I guess I just have to tap into the girl I was who could be on her own. There's no arguing it.

Pulling away, I know I have to let him go now, or I'll end up following to watch this.

"I guess I have to grow up about this."

"You are right. We have not been apart for over eighteen years. It is…"

I kiss his cheek.

"Difficult."

I let my arms fall from his shoulders. He's a big boy, and I'm a big girl. We have a kid now, and he's right. There's more important matters at hand.

"See you soon, Ranger."

"Ranger?"

I smirk.

"You know, that song Dizzy keeps playing. About the Ranger with Big Iron on his hip."

Charon smirks at me, taking my hand.

"Mine rests on my back."

"Keep 'em safe."

"I will. Myself, and Big Iron."

Maybe that'll catch on. Charon calling his gun 'Big Iron'. Which is true. It's big, and made of iron. But, I doubt he's going to call his gun anything than 'my gun'. Charon's a man of pattern, which is why it's so strange that he's giving up his armor.

"See you."

I say, and he lets my hand go. I watch him walk off for a bit, before bringing myself back to Megaton. I hope they all come back in one piece. Charon is hiding something from me, I know it. After being with someone for as long as we've been together, you tend to know when they're hiding something.

When I get home, Dizzy is at the kitchen table, waiting for me. In the same way I used to wait for her when she was on her Raider kick. We lock eyes, and she pouts at me.

"What's up with them? I know you know."

I shake my head and sit down.

"I have no idea. I've been with your father for forever, and I don't know. But I'm with you, I agree, something is up."

"Well, let's figure it out."

I'm sad. Holy shit. It's been since…forever since I felt this sad. I look at Dizzy, my daughter, my only child. And I shake my head at her.

"Not today, Dizzy. I'm not up for it."

Dizzy knows that I'm usually up for anything. She leans across the table, trying to get a better look at me. I used to say I wanted a son, with dark hair and blue eyes, and he would be a lady-killer. Instead, I got a daughter with dark hair, and light eyes, who literally kills men. She looks so much like her father, it's uncanny. Well, I'm being prejudiced. She looks like me, too, but right now I just see those eyes.

"Mom? What's wrong?"

I shake my head, rubbing my temples.

"I haven't been away from your father in over eighteen years. It's hard."

"He'll be back in two weeks, it's okay. If I can be apart from Cain, you can be apart from dad."

"You haven't been with Cain for fifty-something years. Remember, I was nineteen when I met your father. I'm sixty now. It's…hard not to be with someone you've spend half a century with."

Dizzy leans back in her seat. Taking in the time frame Charon and I have been together. I don't ever think that I've said aloud, how long it's been since we met. Since we've been together. Sixty, minus nineteen…forty-one. It's been forty-one years, and eighteen of those, we've been conjoined at the hip. Shit.

"Fifty years?"

Dizzy says, in amazement.

"Forty-one, to be exact. Ten more years, and then fifty more…will be a century."

"Atom mom…that's a long time. Think…you and dad will make it to then?"

I raise an eyebrow and light a cigarette. The leather armor I wear stretching with me. It's not like Charon's, though. It's Raider leather armor. Or something.

"Why wouldn't we?"

Sometimes, talking to my daughter is like talking to my best friend. It's odd, really.

"Because dad's…really old. And…"

"As long as he takes his medicine he'll be fine."

"I just worry, mom."

Shaking my head, I sigh. Dizzy has every right to be worried. She has two parents, and life without one would be a difficult change for her. Plus, she can't stand to be parted from her dad. Unless it's her choice, then that's completely different. But Dizzy likes her family situation, despite her youthful rebellion. There's a lot mothers know, that they don't tell their children, and a lot they pretend not to know.

"Charon and I have gone through every horrible and terrible thing together. To tear us apart now…you'd have to be very, very, powerful. Or stupid."

"What was the worst thing?"

I ash my cigarette in the ashtray, and sigh. Motioning to the shelf, Dizzy goes and gets me a warm beer. It's not like the fridges actually work like they did in the vault.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what was the worst thing that happened to you and dad?"

It's a hard question to answer. But Dizzy is old enough to know the truth now. And for the most part, she does. Some of the details are blurry to her, but if she asks, I feel an obligation to tell her.

"I guess, it was when his contract came into play. Even after he burned it, there was a time when the Outcasts wrote a new one. The brainwashing was still there, and they knew that. …Seeing someone you love so much, look at you, and not even know who you are…it can really almost kill you…"

I wipe away tears before they can fall down my face. I don't want Dizzy to see, but I can tell she does anyway. She just knows better not to bring them up.

"How'd you deal with it? I can't imagine…"

"With wit and sarcasm. And never, ever, letting the enemy know that they damn near broke me when they took Charon from me. Because once your enemy knows how to hurt you, they will do it every chance they get."

Dizzy shakes her head and lights a cigarette as I'm finishing mine. Go figure the one thing that survives the war, is the one thing that can kill you. But Dizzy and I, and all the ghouls, along with Cain, have no worries. We deal in the radiation business, after all.

"So you acted strong, but…you hid that you were sad?"

"Exactly. Never, no matter how dire the situation, let your enemy know your weaknesses."

"Don't you ever worry though, that now you have me, some of your enemies will try to hurt me to get to you?"

She asks a question she should know the answer to. But like I needed reassurance with Charon, Dizzy needs reassurance that her parents love her.

"Every day. Which is why your father decided to do this. I wouldn't doubt there to be enemies, as you've already encountered before. But they know if they mess with you, they're messes with me and Charon. They're not very bright, are they?"

Dizzy laughs, and shakes her head. I get up to go lay down upstairs. Not having Charon around really does dampen my mood, but I can see in Dizzy's eyes, she wants me to stay. So I sit back down, and smile at her.

"You've grown so much, and I'm so proud of you."

I tell her, sincerely, too.

"Thanks, mom. I know you miss dad, you must be worried, too."

"He doesn't have any contract to bind him, and he's far from still brainwashed. He'll be alright. A nuclear war couldn't kill him."

"You're right. And they're having fun."

I want to laugh at that, but I don't. I can imagine Charon already has them running laps with rocks on their back like he did to me. When he trains, he changes. He's all business, no bullshit. He doesn't care how injured you are, he just wants you to move through it. And learn from it. And if you don't learn from it, well, he'll add another scar.

"That song you sing, dad gave it to you, right?"

"On one of the first nights we were together."

"And you've kept it ever since?"

"Yeah. Because it's…you know, my own. Ours, really. Our song."

Dizzy shakes her head. She doesn't understand, and I don't expect her to. She's sheltered, considering what I went through. And I wanted it that way. I don't want the life I led, to be the life for my daughter and her love, either.

"It's…kinda sad."

"It is. It's…well it's many different things, I suppose. It can be sexual, or lovelorn, uplifting, and sorrowful, depending on how you sing it."

"How do you see it? I mean, it has to mean something, for you to remember it for this long."

I smile sadly at my daughter. She has so much to learn.

"I see it…well, put it this way. Once, your father and I took out the home base of the Outcasts. He ran outside with Amata, per my request. The building fell on top of me, due to the bombs I planted. Charon dug me out, and held me in his arms. He…cried, and my body was badly hurt. I don't think I was alive. I'm telling this in the same way Charon told me. But, there was dust, rubble, and the night sky. And my body. And Charon held me, crying, begging me to wake up. And I think, at that moment, is when the song was most appropriate. Charon…is and was, so in love with me, that the feeling of loss of losing me, and having to live alone, outweighed his want to continue on without me. And in that moment, Charon learned that love, in all its beauty, has dark sides, too."

Dizzy is entrances, and I continue on.

"Love…is not something to throw in the faces of those who don't have it. In a way, they're the lucky ones. Because love is not a triumph, but instead, you no longer belong to yourself. You want to laugh, and rejoice, but then the time comes, where that person may not be with you. And that pain is worse than anything I've felt. That night, Charon came very close to losing me. And in turn, I almost lost him, as well."

"How?"

She's never heard it so personal before. Never heard this tone in my voice.

"He was shot in the head by our enemies. They were…chasing us. He was dead, as far as I could tell. And I sat next to his body, and cried. I cried until…I don't know. But I could just think of the song. That song. I had to move on, but I knew I would never be the same without him. I wasn't, either. I was someone different, inside. I learned that day, what the line 'love is not a victory march' truly meant. When I found out your father survived, I said it to myself. I said 'hallelujah', because I was so happy. So that song, can mean something of pain and loneliness, and also, something of great joy, and compassion."

"…Will Cain and I have to go through any of that?"

"I hope not, but…most likely. There will be times, when you feel like you don't know the person you love. When they're a stranger to you, and even times when you hate them, and want nothing more than for them to leave. It's how relationships work."

"Do you ever feel that way about dad now?"

"No. Not anymore. In the beginning…I did. We both did. But now, after everything, we don't care to be angry at one another anymore. We know the value of our lives to one another, and instead of wasting time arguing, we'd rather spend time talking. You will reach that point one day with Cain, too. But right now, you both have a lot of learning to do."

Dizzy looks at me differently. I can see there's a form of respect there that wasn't there before. She's seen Charon and I in action, but when a woman conveys feelings and emotions, it's different than when a man does it. It's easier to connect. Dizzy understands now, that song. And how at night, when Charon and I are alone and naked and doing things, it means something beautiful. Yet when we're in danger, or the other is injured, it means something horribly sad. Dizzy is still very young, and with many obstacles to climb over. There will be days where Cain and her hate one another, but I trust that if they're meant to be, they will be.

"I didn't…mom I always romanticized you and dad."

"I know."

"I didn't have any idea it was so…_sad_."

I smile at her, and pat her arm.

"If there was no sadness, we wouldn't know how to appreciate the good times."

Dizzy excuses herself to go think upstairs. It's a lot for a young girl to take in, and in a way, I think she's proud. Proud of her parents in a way she wasn't before. She knows our story, and like she says, romanticizes it. Makes it fluffy, and happy, as if it's some amazing and loving tragedy. But it isn't. It's filled with sorrow, and near-deaths. Of losing your love, and feeling as if they're never coming back. Betrayal. Hate. Anger. Murder. It's there. My life makes the perfect story. Only, Charon and I do get to live happily ever after. We're alive, still.

Standing up, I stretch and yawn. I miss Charon, but this time apart will let us miss one another in a way we haven't in a long while. I look forward to his return, but I also look forward to the few weeks alone. It'll be good. Looking up the stairs, I see Dizzy's door shut tightly. I'm so proud of her. She's grown in many ways, my dear, dear daughter. She shines brighter than she knows, and she's more dangerous than she knows.

I think Charon took Cain to train, so that when Dizzy learns the true extent of herself, he'll be able to handle it. Partly, anyways. But Charon and I have spent nights upon nights, since Dizzy's birth, concerned about her. Because she is the offspring of us. And in that right, she is dangerous, to herself and others. Like me, she's volatile, and angry. Like her father, she is cunning and precise. She could easily lead a gang of Raiders, or even worse, an organization like the Enclave or Brotherhood. Because it's in her blood. To know the enemy, and attack. It's also in her blood to be completely and utterly foolish. I worry about what will happen when these traits clash.

Though Cain has confided in me, that these two personalities have clashed. And he's seen it. When he was kidnapped in the Raider camp at the Citadel Ruins, Dizzy was able to turn the tables with ease. She shone brightly that way. But it worried me. I don't worry much of her safety, because I know her. I worry about her. Her body, and how she will push its limits, of her mind, and the trouble that comes from being who she is. She can start another war, if she wanted. She has to learn to control her temper.

Though, I'm fairly certain Gob and Charon had tried to instill that into me when I was her age. And throughout my entire life. And even still today. But I don't really have temperamental outbursts anymore. I mean, I do, but usually just with Charon. After having kids, I kind of calmed down. Well, one kid. Charon's not in the mood to rear another child with me. Really I just think one is enough for him. He's not the 'let's have a big family' kind of guy. Three is a magic number to him, four if you count Cain.

It really bothered Charon when Cain began to disown us as parents. Charon had seen him as his son for his entire life. But at the same time, we understood why he did, and figured it would happen sooner or later. Cain is his own being, and in no way my biological son. Charon and him, they're close on a different level, though. It has nothing to do with Dizzy, either. They have this…connection. They know when the other needs them. I'm sure there's some messed up medical term for it, but I can't remember it right now.

Absentmindedly as I walk around my kitchen, I touch the scar on my forehead, my fingertips grazing it lightly. That's the scar from the bullet that got my frontal lobe. It has to do with my personality, my behavior, and everything like that. I was different, during that time. I remember it now, and it's strange. I know I was different, yet I'm remembering it as the person I've always been. I remember I couldn't move very well when I woke up. I had to relearn how to hold a gun, and my movements were jerky, at best. But then, it all came back to me. I can't explain how, but it did. There's no reason that it should have. Maybe it was the situation I was in at the time, where it forced it all to come back to me. I can't be sure.

"Mom?"

Dizzy calls from the top of the stairs. I hear her coming down them, so I sit back at the kitchen table, watching her.

"What is it?"

"What did your mom do? You know, like my grandma."

Dizzy never asked about her grandparents before. I would just tell her she has my father's this or mother's that. She has my mother's dark brown, almost black hair, that's for sure. If it wasn't for the sun bleaching it, I'd be convinced it was all black.

"She was a scientist, alongside your grandfather."

"Really? And what did they do?"

"Well, my father was a doctor, as well as a scientist. My mother, simply a scientist. They invented the machine that I eventually started up to give us clean water."

"So they built it, and you finished it."

I nod, thinking of it differently for the first time.

"In a way, yes."

"That's pretty cool. What about dad's parents? What did they do?"

Oh boy. That's a whole different story in and of itself. Dizzy doesn't know about them, as anyone can see. But asking Charon about them might…well, bring up some not-so-pleasant memories.

"Charon was adopted by the facility who trained and brainwashed him. He's an orphan."

"So he's never tried to find them? Mom what if he has family out here? You know, that survived the war and had kids? I know it's a long shot, but, what if…"

She sounds exactly like I did the night Charon told me. Wanting to find some sort of solution to a problem that has none. I can only smile softly at her, and remember when I was so young and naïve.

"Dizzy, don't go chasing that down. Trust me when I tell you, Charon has no living relatives, aside from you."

"How do you know mom, did you ever try?"

"Yes. I did."

Dizzy digests that one, and sighs. She doesn't want to accept it, but she has to. Folding her arms in front of her chest.

"Well, we can still find out where they lived. Maybe dad's family had a house here or something, you know?"

"They weren't from around here. Charon was from New York, a bit north from here. He was brought here as a child to work and train in the Citadel. There is nothing left of his family, Dizzy."

"That's so really horribly depressing. Did they die in the war?"

They died years before the war, but I don't tell her that.

"I'm not sure. Charon and I weren't able to find much. Only that his family were immigrants, their last name was Fossum, and Charon at the time, named Morten."

Dizzy starts laughing. And I admit, I have to crack a smile, too. By pre-war standards, since Charon and I are married, my last name would also be Fossum. Dizzy's as well. It sounds funny, especially when paired with his original first name, Morten.

"So where's…uh, dad from?"

"Norway, we suspect. Morten is the Norwegian name for Martin, associated with the Roman god of Mars. I think it has something to do with war. I can't be entirely sure, though. I don't suggest asking him this, either."

"Why not?"

"He likes his privacy."

"I can see that. So what's a Norway?"

I chuckle. I thought the same thing growing up, too. We're not taught about the world in the vault, only about the vault itself. And the morale and whatnot. So I was pretty blank on the world when I came out. Dizzy never asked about the world, aside from where she lives, and I figured it wasn't important. It's not like she's going to go there, anyways.

"A country, across the sea. Don't know if it exists anymore. Interesting history, though."

"Yeah?"

"Vikings. Like…much shorter Super Mutants. So it's in Charon's blood to be…well, himself."

Dizzy is interested now, and it turns into a history lesson.

"What's a Viking?"

"I have no idea to be honest. Charon and I never discussed it. If you ask him what one is, he'll tell you. He's got an abundance of knowledge on everything. Just don't tell him why. Actually, don't ask. I'll ask for you."

"Dad's really picky about what he talks about, huh? He never even mentioned his parents."

"Because he killed them."

You know, you'd think with age and maturity I'd have figured out how to think before speaking. But I don't. I have no idea, and when I'm having a conversation, shit just spills out. And do you know how annoying that is? It's pretty goddamned annoying. I shake my head, and light a cigarette, mentally cursing at myself.

"He what?"

Now I have to answer her question. I sigh, and give her very serious and motherly look as I hold my cigarette between my teeth.

"You _cannot_ tell your father you know about this."

"I won't, but, he _killed_ them?"

"It's not as grisly as it sounds. As Charon was coming of age in the facility, it was discovered his parents were searching for him, and requested him back. They couldn't do that, after investing so much into him. So, they ordered them to be his first kill. He didn't know who they were, only that he had to kill them. I think in a sick way, it was to gain control in the future. Knowing you killed your parents is kind of a huge deal. But he cannot know that you know, Dizzy. I swear."

Dizzy is really quiet for an extended period of time. So long, in fact, that I'm able to slowly finish my cigarette without so much as a peep from her. As I put it out, and begin to retreat to my room, Dizzy calls to me from the bottom of the steps.

"Dad…dad must be really sad, and lonely."

I don't reply to her. Because she's right, and I don't want her to know she's right. Her father is sad, and lonely. It's hard for him. He has nobody to relate to, and has lived a lifetime of servitude. Not really something you gather around a campfire to tell your children and grandchildren for entertainment. It's…tragic, really.

In my room, I shut the door and look around at all the things we've accumulated. I should invest in a Mr. Handy. One like Wadsworth, that bugger always made me laugh. Until Charon killed him mercilessly one day, which pissed me off. But hey, what can you do when you live with a mercenary? Maybe, one day, Charon will let go of that pain and sadness that follows him around, but I don't think so. His longevity is his curse, and all he can do at this point, is simply make the best of it. That's all, all of us can do, really.


	19. Anything Goes

(Charon)

They whine like children. They pretend to be men, but they complain, wince, and question at every instance. I work them to the bone, from sunrise, to sundown. It did not take long, for them to learn I did not care for their childish wines. Cain caught on much faster than Zack, who protested waking early the second day. Cain was awake, ready, a reminder of myself. Zack, did not think I would cause actual physical harm to him. He does not know me. He does not know that if I was willing to cause harm to Dezbe when she requested this, I would most certainly cause him harm.

He is beginning to get the idea, although I can tell he is beginning to hate me, and regret his decision to come. I did not force this. It was request, my conscience is free of guilt. I look forward to see what Cain will show me, when it comes time to learn hand-to-hand. For now, it is building strength. I intend to push them to their limits, to where it hurts to even blink, and then engage them in combat. They will then know what it means to be in pain, and fighting. If a bullet hits them in the Wasteland, they will know how to continue on. It was the same way I was trained, sometimes, with live ammunition. It is how they will train in Springvale.

Springvale offers many places for cover. So when we are able to get into combat, there are places to hide and sneak from. They are not to leave this area, and they know this. Cain, shows the same strength and determination I showed throughout my training. This was their purpose in creating him. I see now, that even though I will always win against him, our fight will be close. Evenly matched, in height and weight. Though I consequently weigh more, due to muscle. Cain…has determination. A form of it that I was robbed of. He has something to fight for, an emotional tie. I, had nothing, except my own life. It is different, when you fight for someone you love, rather than someone you have never met.

"Charon…how-long-do-we-do-this?"

I glare over at Zack, and say nothing. He takes my silence as his answer, and keeps going. Cain has yet to whine half as much as Zack, but when we started this, he did have his fair share of complaints. It was annoying. As Cain and Zack jog by, with their packs filled with weight, and sweat dripping down their faces in the hot noon sun, I toss a stick in their path. Both crumble to the ground.

Last minute, I decide to change the hand-to-hand combat to today. I want them to face me, one-on-one, with the weighted packs.

"What the fuck!"

Zack yells, struggling to get up. Cain groans in agreement, and I grab his pack.

"You enemy will not care how tired, worn, or exhausted you are. They will attack, without any concern for your well-being."

"Isn't this a bit harsh?"

Cain says, and I punch him in his stomach.

"Lesson one, is to never let your guard down."

He falls over, holding his stomach. I can see his movements before he makes them. He goes to tackle me by my midsection, pretending to be more hurt and worn than he is. Perhaps Cain could leave early, if he learns well enough. As he lunges towards me, I place my hands over his shoulders, next to his neck. With my thumbs, I apply pressure between his neck and shoulders, feeling his collarbone. He falls, unable to move.

"Lesson two is always believe your enemy knows a lot more than you do about combat. This is a pressure point. One of many that will cripple your enemy. Momentarily, that is. This one, the one I am applying pressure to right now, causing you pain and stress, is 'Wound of Shoulder'."

"You're hurting him!"

Zack yells, gathering the strength to get up and try to attack me. I grab his arm, pressing down on the muscle in the right spot. With my leg, I knock him from his feet.

"Without these points, taking the both of you on at the same time would be exhausting and drain my strength. You can either learn from this, or run from this. The choice is yours."

From the ground, both Cain and Zack look at me. Cain stands up, and looks me dead in the eyes.

"Then teach me."

Zack stays on the ground for a moment, and then stands beside Cain. They do not take off their packs. As men, they have decided to continue on. Their childish ways will leave them, here and now. Upon our return to Megaton, they will be different from who they were, when they left.

"You need only know the important ones. Ones near major arteries, or places of cartilage. You will not learn by me talking, only by fighting."

Cain comes at me once again, and it is easy to disarm and place him on the ground.

"You attack blindly, without holding back. Relax."

I say, bending his wrist backwards, hindering any movement.

"How the _hell_ did you learn all this?"

Cain hisses through grit teeth.

"The same way you are learning now, only if I made half as many mistakes as you, I would be dead."

I whisper to him, putting more pressure on his wrist. He knows I will break it, and make him fight with it broken. Both of them, are away that without the women here, we can do what men do, and fight. Injury is of no concern. Radiation is in plentiful supply in my pack.

"I am _not_ you!"

Cain grunts, and I feel his foot against the back of my knee. For one moment, he catches me off balance, and taking the opportunity, wrestles free of my hold. He pushes me to the ground by my shoulders, but fails to attack the pressure point I had just shown him. Instead, he leaves his hips open to attack. Lifting my leg, I place my boot on his upper thigh, and press into his stomach, tossing him off of me, and into the dirt behind me.

"No, I would not have failed so pitifully as you have."

Anger. I learned, anger, is what keeps one fighting. Eventually, one learns to not care and develops endurance. But that is over time. At this moment, reminding Cain that I am comparing him to myself, is enough to keep him fighting. Sooner or later, he will reach a point in his anger, where he feels no more of it. He will be able to be clear, and react as he should. For now, he is learning. And learning well.

The fight that ensues shortly after, is one I wish I could take a step back to see. Cain mimics my movements, mirroring them almost after a time. With the pack weighing him down, and his adrenaline running low, he continues to fight. As if he has something to prove. By now anyone would have given up. Cain is not anyone. Cain is a part of me, and he is learning, by watching me, and studying, as I have learned my entire life.

"I will always win against you."

I tell him, pinning him to the ground and pressing my knee to his back.

"Knowing who you can and cannot fight, is a good lesson to learn."

I release him, proud of him. I did not have to tell him that. He is right. Knowing who you can and cannot face is a vital part of training. I would not pick a fight with someone who I knew I could not win against.

"But that does not mean you should not try, if those you care for need you to. Remember, both of you, it is not yourselves you are fighting for. I do not have enough time to teach you all I know, but we have enough time, for you to learn survival and protection in the Wasteland."

After that, there are no more complaints. I fight alongside them, until they learn enough to comfortably take me on one on one. Time, after time. When one is not in combat, the other runs with the weighted pack. When I do not fight one of them, they fight one another, with myself instructing them. The night comes, and the day passes. They are renewed. They understand now, the information I have to pass on to them, is invaluable. I am the last, of a long line of mercenaries, trained to protect the most elite. Cain is aware of this more than Zack. He and I share an understanding, that with what we know, we could create an army more powerful than anything history has seen. He also knows, that someone tainted and hungry, will use this knowledge for just that.


	20. Fireflies

(Dizzy)

I didn't know how empty it felt without dad and Cain and Zack around. Jasper is all sorts of down in the dumps. But us girls have been doing stuff, too. Not girl stuff, either. I'm teaching Jasper how to shoot a gun, and it's actually not that bad. Mom comes and joins once in a while, I think really to see if dad's on his way home sooner than he planned. Fat chance, I told her. Dad won't be home early. He's either going to be late, or on time. Mom's been doing some snooping around lately, too. She doesn't think I notice, but I do. She won't even tell me what's up when I ask, either. She just says not to worry and I'm insane. Yeah. Insane.

"This is kind of fun. I think I'm getting the hang of it."

Jasper says. Since we've been outside, she's gotten a nice tan. I mean, it was a really bad burn at first, and we had no idea how to handle that. She had to take a few days' rest. But after it stopped being so red and started peeling, she was right and ready to keep learning. Did you know you can peel skin? I didn't. It's kinda fun, too. In a gross, medical kind of way, that is.

"Yeah, you're getting there."

So far Jasper can hit targets. I'm not too sure she can hit a moving target, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

"Think when your dad gets back, he'll teach me?"

"I wouldn't count on that. He's…going to be tired when he gets back."

Jasper puts her gun in her holster, and comes to sit next to me. We're on that big hill, the one that overlooks Megaton. Only Megaton is behind us, because I don't need Jasper hurting someone for no reason. I think that means she's done for the day.

"Your dad seems really mean, you know."

I take offence to that. Just because he doesn't want to teach an outsider about how to shoot a gun doesn't mean he's mean. But I don't tell her that, because I have to save face and be nice for Zack's sake.

"Eh. You know the boys are going to be really tired when they get back."

"Think so?"

I nod my head. I can only imagine the horrors my dad is putting them through. I'm kind of glad I couldn't go along. I don't know how I'd feel about constantly getting yelled at by my father. At least, mom says he yells when he trains. I don't want to see him yell. Or be mad. Or anything.

"I kind of miss New Vegas…"

Jasper says, and I look over at her.

"Yeah well, I don't think we're heading back that way anytime soon. So, you should adjust to this life for a bit."

She smiles at me, and I get a bad feeling. A really bad feeling.

"I'm not worried. I can always bring New Vegas here, live it up."

On that note, I say goodbye, and head back to Megaton. Jasper gave me a bad feeling, in the pit of my stomach. There's always been something fishy about that girl, and her story. Parents who were ghouls? I know that's the case with me and Gob…but any nuclear weapon to cause radiation would have been destroyed in the Great War. I know that there'd be weapons still, but nuclear ones? Sounds…fishy. I have to find mom. I can't have this nagging feeling and want to investigate without telling mom.

She isn't hard to find. She's in the house, smoking a cigarette in the kitchen.

"Mom, I-"

Before I can finish, she holds up her hand.

"I know. And I think your father knows, too."

She knows? What does she know? I can tell by the bags under her eyes she hasn't slept much, and she's overworked. What's she been doing? What's going on around here, seriously?

"I'm talking about Jasper, mom."

"I am, too."

I sit down for this one. Mom sits across from me and gives me that stern and serious look.

"I knew something was up when your father was acting so distracted. I knew something was even worse off, when he started to take Cain and Zack to train. Dizzy, your father doesn't just do things on a whim. Something incited it. And that something, is Jasper."

"I think she's bringing New Vegas here."

"Same, in so many words. The NCR and Legion…you ran Gomorrah. You took over power. Do you remember seeing Jasper there when you walked in? Do you remember Nero ever mentioning her?"

I shake my head, feeling like I'm about to cry. Is all this messy shit my fault?

"No…now that you mention it."

"She claims she's been there since…fuck if I know. But if you didn't see her, and you had a personal vendetta with all the dancers, then she wasn't there the entire time."

"How'd you know I didn't like the dancers?"

"You're my daughter. But that's not the point. Obviously when the shift in power happened, you pissed off both NCR and Legion. Both of them wanted in. They wanted to know you, Cain, Zack, and all your weaknesses. You and Cain are an item, they weren't about to meddle with that."

"But Zack wasn't. And…"

"Boys are stupid and will believe anything with a pulse that bats their eyelashes and wiggles their tits."

She sighs, lighting another cigarette immediately after putting out her first one.

"…Did I cause this?"

I ask, because I feel bad. Really, I do. Was it me, who just wanted to enjoy some independence and freedom, who caused this mess?

"No. We don't even know if the NCR is coming. Or Legion. Or both. We just know Jasper can't be trusted. I'm going to have to talk to your father about this before we can do anything."

"Why? You saved the Capital Wasteland before, you can make a move on your own."

"No, I can't. Your father is much better sniffing out a rat, than I am. I need to make sure I'm right, and this isn't some…paranoia I made up after being inside for so long."

I understand that. Mom says she's going out, and leaves the house. I sit in the kitchen, feeling worse and worse about everything. I know she's right, that it could just be us on edge because we've been stressed over…nothing. Maybe we're bored and creating problems. I don't know. I just know I don't like Jasper anymore, that she's a liar, and her story doesn't match up. I mean, she could just be a bad liar and wanted us to feel bad for her, but…something is up. I've got my dad's blood, and he likes to know the ins and outs of every matter. I'm no different, no matter how much I pretend to be. I have to know, did Jasper pull the Moleskin over my eyes, or am I just like mom, and paranoid?

The house is quiet, and I don't know how long I sit there for, thinking everything over, and wondering about what's going to happen next. I hear voices in the distance, but I'm not sure who's they are. It doesn't matter. Jasper…she's suspicious. I know if I all of a sudden stop talking to her, she's going to think something is up. The best thing for me to do is to keep acting like I don't suspect anything, even her story, and just continue to show her how to shoot. But, one thing bothers me. If Jasper is a molerat, and she is working for both the NCR and Legion, then why are her hands so soft? You don't have hands that delicate, from a life dealing with military and spies. You have soft hands because you've spent your life indoors, not doing anything. That's the one piece that doesn't fit. And it bothers me in ways I can't imagine.

Behind me, the kitchen door opens. I look over my shoulder to see a very tired and worn out Cain smirking back at me.

"You're home!"

I yell, jumping up and throwing my arms around him. He takes a deep breath in, holding my feet off the ground and burying his face in the crook of my neck. He feels…different. Stronger. There's more muscle on him than when he left.

"I missed you."

He was only in Springvale, but he's been apart from me, successfully, for two weeks.

"I was so worried about you."

I tell him as he puts me down. He comes into the house, shutting the door behind him, smiling.

"Charon was right. Having your clothing around helped. I think it also forced me to adapt to a smaller chemical dose, too. I can't be sure. I don't want to test this theory."

"How was it?"

He sits down at the table, and looks at me. It's only a minute later I realize that it's night, and he's probably exhausted.

"Tiring. But, Zack and I learned a lot. Oh, Charon probably won't be home tonight, neither will Dez. He said something about…Outcasts and new armor. Dezbe saw us coming a mile away and took off with Charon. Left me to relay the message."

Mom is leaving on an adventure after all we've talked about? No. No way. I know my mom, so…that means, we were just being paranoid. She probably talked to dad about it, who said his peace, and figured it out on her own. I can't tell you how much better I suddenly feel, knowing that I didn't cause some sort of small war on Megaton. I sigh, and Cain notices the mental change.

"Something…on your mind?"

He asks, and I look over at him, smiling bright.

"Not anymore. Mom and I thought there was something fishy about Jasper. But, knowing mom is out gallivanting with dad, kind of softens that fear. Must have just been us being paranoid. Or Jasper getting on my nerves."

"Well, whatever it was, Zack is home now. Jasper is going to be very preoccupied."

"You've…gotten muscular."

"Yeah, both of us did. Charon ran us ragged. But shit if we didn't walk away ten times smarter."

I go and sit on his lap. Kissing him, I feel like he's been away for years and years, and not just two lousy weeks. I'm happy to have him home, and even happier to know that there's nothing to worry about. Everyone can resume their normal life of carelessness and survival. Man. Mom must have been really stressed in her youth, always worrying about being attacked. I can't stand an afternoon of it. Surprised she's not all gray by now.

"So did you miss me enough to play?"

I say, but when I look at Cain, I realize he's passed out cold in his chair. It's kind of cute. Kissing his neck, I wake him up.

"Hm…hm…"

He opens his eyes a bit, and I get off of his lap.

"Come on, let's go upstairs, you obviously need sleep."

Cain almost falls asleep again halfway up the stairs. I don't mind letting him lean on me, but this is insane. He's losing all consciousness. Guess dad really did run them to the brink of exhaustion. But dad has his reasons for doing so. He did a good thing for me. And I think for himself, too. Now he doesn't have to worry so much when Cain and I go out into the Capital Wasteland. He trained him, the best he could in the time he had.

Cain flops on our bed, and is out like a baby. I smirk, and start to take his shoes off for him. They're filled with dirt and sand, and his feet smell something sharp.

"This is so gross."

The men leave the women for two weeks, and completely let themselves go. I don't think they've showered, and judging by the stubble on Cain's face, shaved, either. Whatever guys do when they're alone, is their business, but please, make yourselves presentable before coming to see a lady. I know it's not pre-war and all, but be somewhat chivalrous.

I'm not feeling tired, but I lay down next to him anyways. He smells, really bad, but it's easy to ignore. Mom and dad won't be home for a bit, a few days, maybe. Zack is soothing that she-beast of his. I have to remind myself to be nice to her. She didn't do anything wrong. Even if the nagging feeling is still eating away at me, I can take comfort in knowing mom and dad wouldn't leave if they felt someone was going to invade their home. That's just stupid of them. Mom knows stupid, too. She says she was stupid her entire youth out here. I don't think she's going to let it happen again anytime soon.

As Cain snores next to me, I wonder what it was like for him. To train with dad and all. Was it fun? It was obviously exhausting. I don't want to lay here, even though I've missed him, it's no fun to be near someone when they're not talking.

"I'll be right back."

I whisper, kissing his cheek. His hair has grown, his face needs shaving, and he's all mine. I try not to think about how if dad was never ghoulified, he'd look like Cain. That makes me feel creepy, awkward, and all that jazz. Instead, I see Cain as my own. That family friend, who was raised as family. Like that best friend who never leaves, even when you really want them too, because they can get really goddamn annoying. But, hey, I love him. So he doesn't annoy me. That much.

Leaving my bedroom, I head on up to the sniper perch we have. I've missed coming up here so much. It's like a mini getaway. You can see everyone, but they can't see you. And lucky for me, as I open the trapdoor and shimmy my way outside, I feel the light drops of rain. Rain. You never really realize, how much you can miss something so unimportant and regular in your life, until you've gone a few months without it. I can't believe mom went her entire life, almost, without feeling rain.

The sky turns gray, and lighting lights up the Capital Wasteland. The thunder booms, and the silence…it isn't so bad. I smile to myself. In the past two years, counting the months before I went to New Vegas, I've changed a lot. I've gotten closer to my family, and realized, they aren't my enemy. I was just making them the enemy. My mom and dad, are as much a part of me, as my fingers or toes. And Cain, he's in there, too. I hope wherever my parents are tonight, they're warm and happy. Knowing them, they are. They're the happiest wandering the 'land. They gave it all up to raise me and Cain, and provide us with a safe home. They actually…gave up a lot to raise us. A lot more than they tell us, I figure.

Standing up, I lean over the small, fragile rail that dad would toss me off when I had the tire swing. Two years ago I stood here, watching the Washington Monument, like I am now, and was in deep shit with Raiders. This time, when I see the monument, I'm not in deep anything. Except happiness, I guess. I smile, remembering it all, as the rain soaks me to the bone. Back then, I made mom and dad the enemy, when all along, they were my best friends. Not my rivals. I guess girls do that, though. Mom did, and so, I did, too. Looking at my hands, I can't help but chuckle a bit. I don't know why. I have no real reason to be smiling so much. Maybe I'm smiling, because I'm finally finding myself. Mom trusts me enough to tell me about her past in a more personal way, and about dad's. Dad's past…that depresses me. He's such an awesome dad, that, I don't ever want him to feel sad and lonely ever again.

Next time I see dad, I'm going to go right up to him, and say 'Dad, I love you', and he's going to smile at me, and pat my head. If I could, I would go back in time, and make all that pain and sadness go away. I don't know how I'd make it go away, but I would. Because he and mom have done great things for me. And because of them letting me go, I was able to go to New Vegas, and realize throughout the glamor and glitz, and whatnot, that…this place is my home. I belong here.

Knowing where you belong, is the first step in knowing who you are. At least, that's my outlook. Glancing over to my right, I see Jasper and Zack running towards Craterside Supply, to get out of the rain. They don't, can't, see me, and I wonder why Zack isn't as tired as Cain. He probably just forced himself to stay awake. Jasper seems like a more needy woman than I am, which is saying a lot. I can hear her laughing, and even though I hate her and think she smells like Mirelurks, I still smile. The rain stops, which makes me frown, but, you know, the moon comes out. And it's really, really, big. And bright. I bet, if you could taste the moon, it would taste like the best Sugar Bombs in the world.

"What're you doing?"

I jump, and turn around to see a very sleepy Cain peering at me through the trap door. I must look insane, standing here all wet, smiling like a loon under the big moon.

"Thinking. I wasn't tired, and figured I'd let you sleep."

He pulls himself through and joins me. Standing behind me, I feel his stubbly chin rest on the nape of my neck.

"You look great with the Capital Wasteland behind you."

He says, yawning. I'm sure he didn't mean to ruin the moment by yawning, but hey, he's tired. And to me, the moment isn't ruined at all.

"I do too. Want to go to the city soon? Back to the Citadel Ruins? Explore areas mom didn't?"

"I don't think there's a place here Charon and Dez didn't explore…"

"Maybe there is. And we can find it."

I lean forward, knowing Cain has a firm grip on me. Firmer, than I remember. His hands have gotten stronger.

"I think we should explore the inside of our eyelids, first."

Turning my head to look at him, he kisses me. I enjoy it, even if he is stinky. A clap of thunder from the distance makes me jump, but Cain puts his hand on the back of my head to keep me steady. To keep me kissing him.

"You're too tired for sex."

I say, pulling from him.

"I can't enjoy a kiss with my girlfriend without wanting sex?"

"No. No you can't."

Cain smiles and kisses the top of my head.

"Well, you're right. I am too tired for sex, but, not too tired to enjoy the view with you."

It's all ours. The Capital Wasteland, is ours for the taking. Metaphorically speaking, anyways. We don't have to check our weapons, or answer to creepy-faced robots. There's no worry of a gang war, or someone 'arresting' us. I hated that. There's so many thing about New Vegas that bugs me. Things I didn't realize before. But, I think most of all, I hated being alone the most. Away from my family, and detached from Cain. He had, _we_ had, something to live up to there. In a sense, we kind of forgot who we were. Me more than him I think. But right now, in the Capital Wasteland, in Megaton, I'm not alone anymore.

"Please don't let me go, okay?"

I say, leaning forward, and feeling his grip tighten around my waist.

"Why?"

He whispers, like if we talk any louder, we'll scare away the night, with the moon, and all the stars in the sky.

"Because I need you."

"I'm here."

I could lean so far over, that the rail would break, and I'd be hanging by a thread, and I still wouldn't be scared. Because Cain is here. My home is beneath me, around me, and everywhere. I take in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. I've missed that. The air after a rain, and how it tastes and smells. People from New Vegas might see this place as a dump, but I don't. I like seeing the decrepit highways, the edge of the city, the monument lit up. I like seeing what used to be, and watching what it'll become. I can't wait until the entire Capital Wasteland is nothing but a field of grass. Maybe, even, trees.

"Cain, do you see that?"

Out in the distance, there's lights. Dim, flashing lights. They twinkle, like stars, and I get so excited.

"What is that?"

He lets go of me, and stares straight ahead. He sees them too, lighting, really, blinking. They're not far out, and we could reach them if we ran. I look at him, wet, and energetic.

"Alright."

He says, leading the way down the trapdoor. I slip as I go down the stairs from my soaking wet boots. He laughs, and I laugh, too. Things like this, they never happened in New Vegas. We never laughed so much in one fraction of time in New Vegas, than we're laughing right now.

"Come on! They're going to disappear!"

I yell, even though he's ahead of me, and keeping the door open. Our house faces the main path to Megaton, and the blinking lights were right near where mom would say the wall was. The wall of steel, to keep bad guys out and good ones in. Or maybe back then, it was the other way around. I don't know. But the whole short way there, I'm laughing.

"Cain…what are they?"

We reach where the blinky lights are, and there's nothing. But, they're there. They're all around, blinking this neon yellow color. One blinks right in between my eyes, near my nose, and I jump away. Not because I'm scared, but because I can't see it.

"I don't know. Radiation?"

I reach out my hand, and feel something on my hand. But it isn't the feeling of radiation, it kind of tickles. And then my hand blinks! It blinks! I get so excited I laugh loudly, and then all around us they blink and blink. It's like…the lights on strings at Megaton. Only, yellow, and blinky. I'm not good with description. Dad's better at it.

"No…they're small balls of light!"

Cain looks at me, smirking and giving me a 'really?' kind of look. They blink behind him, too. I laugh, as around us, things just light up. Whatever they are, I don't want them to leave.

"As long as they're not poisonous, or deadly, they should be alright. Whatever they are…"

I cup my hands in front of me, and four of them light up. They blink at one another, like they're communicating or something. I try to look closer at them, but it's hard. I can see tiny legs, and tiny wings.

"They're…Botflies. But, smaller. And not trying to kill me."

Cain watches as the light Botflies blink around us. There's a sense of peace here, and childish innocence, that I haven't felt in a long time. I embrace it, rather than fighting it. I've never seen this before, I've never…seen stars so close. That's what they remind me of. Tiny stars, except, really close.

"Maybe…they're something from pre-war…"

I hear Cain say, and look over at him as he watches the lights go off and on.

"Yeah? You think?"

"Forty years after pure water…eighteen after the G.E.C.K…maybe…the world is coming back. Nature, has…ways of fixing itself."

I want him to be right. In the worst possible way. Dad would tell me stories, of how the world looked before the war. Of the grass that went for miles, and miles. The flowers, the trees, the crystal blue skies, and all the wonders of it all. There were things called 'butterflies', that he says girls liked. Because they were pretty. At first, I thought they were food. Like butter, but, he laughed and told me no. That they were bugs, with brightly colored wings. I know these light bulb Botflies aren't them, but, to see the world change…I'd give my near-immortality to see that. I'd…I'd give my life to have dad see the world as he remembers it, in the mindset he has now.

"They're pretty, whatever they are."

I say, barely above a whisper as a few twinkle in front of my eyes. More of them seem to be coming from the distance. You can see them on the horizon, blinking and dashing here and there. One will blink, then another, and then more until dozens are all at once.

"Millions of them…"

Cain smirks at my wonder and amazement, as I stand there, staring at them. I can't think of anything more beautiful than this. The moon, and these bright Botflies coming towards us. I think I finally understand what mom and dad fought so hard for. Not just the lawlessness, but this, right here. A world, where…people like me and Cain, could stand in the grass, and watch nature. Watch it through the naïve eyes of a child, because…we've never seen anything like this before.

"I want to catch some, and show them to dad. He'll know exactly what they are."

"I'm pretty sure him and Dez can see them. And she's probably freaking out like you are, too. Let them be free."

"But I can keep them in a jar! They can light our room…"

"If you catch them, then how are they going to reproduce? Wouldn't you want to see them every night over Megaton, instead of in your dinky room?"

"My room is not dinky. But yeah. You're right."

Cain comes closer to me, and we look out towards the horizon together. Billions and millions and trillions of them sparkle in the sky. They came from nowhere. As if they've been waiting for the world to be _just right_ before they crawled out of whatever irradiated rock they were hiding under. I don't think anything in pre-war did this. Nothing could, I don't think, without radiation.

"Think anyone else sees them?"

I ask Cain, as they move above our heads.

"Maybe. Anyone whose outside right now would. Hard to miss this."

Standing behind me again, Cain puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Just a few? We have spare jars at home…"

"No, Dizzy. Let them be. And come on, let's get inside. They'll be here tomorrow."

"How do you know?"

"Because they're still coming. And I think, with Megaton having grass and crops, they're here to stay."

As we slowly walk back, watching them, I wonder what else will change. What else will come out of the earth, now that the grass is spreading, and the world is changing? I know eventually, the grass will reach across to New Vegas. It might take a million years, but it will. I don't want anything to hurt what my mom has worked so hard for. And I think everyone deserves to see these lights, over the lights of New Vegas, any night.

Cain and I sigh at the same time, as we hold hands, and get closer to our home. We look at one another, and I smile.

"Home."

I say, as I look down at the grass.

"Yeah. Home."

I feel guilty for hating on him and Zack for missing this place so much. I can see why now. I…I would have missed those lighty Botflies if I chose to stay in New Vegas.

When we make it back to bed, Cain helps me peel off all of my wet clothes. I feel a million times better, getting all that wetness off of me, and using a towel to dry off. I can see the exhaustion in his eyes, and I know all he wants to do right now is sleep. So I don't push anything. I just lay next to him, in our bed, under a warm blanket. Knowing those Botflies of light are above us, makes me sleep a lot easier.


	21. I'd Like to Make Myself Believe

(Dezbe)

Here we are, just minding our own business, on a new adventure to check out some new technology across the way, when out of nowhere, _lightning_. But not the lightning you'd think, it was more light bursts. And it flooded the night sky. Trillions of small, neon yellow twinkling dots blinking below the stars like they own the damn night. Charon almost laughed at the sight of them, while I stared up at them. Some came close to my face, and I swatted my arms. That's when Charon did laugh.

"Fireflies."

I stare at him, as he smiles at me, sitting against that stupid giant boulder in that stupid outfit he's still wearing.

"Botflies made of _fire_? Are you kidding me? Where the hell did this shit come from?"

Charon shakes his head, and holds out his hand. One lands on the back of his hand, blinks, then flies off. I stare at him, confused.

"They are…from pre-war. They are fireflies, or, lightning bugs. I…well, nature has its way of surprising everyone."

Pre-war? They're a pre-war insect? Knowing they're not going to eat me, I calm down and take another look at them. This is when disbelief sets in. Trillions of them flood the sky, blinking, and I realize, they're beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. And this time, when they light in front of my face, I smile, and try to catch them in my hands. When I do, my entire hand glows, dims, and glows again.

"Children would catch them in jars, and keep them as a nightlight. Until, that is, they died. Quite the popular summer activity for children to do at night."

He tells it to me as if he's speaking from experience.

"Did you catch them?"

He nods, smiling, and standing up.

"Before my training began. We were allowed…slight privileges. Catching these, was one of them."

A pre-war insect has returned to the Capital Wasteland. But why? The world is torn apart, decrepit, dying, if not dead. Why return now? And why in such a large mass? It certainly is beautiful, though, to stand here in the middle of nowhere, and have no light except for them and the moon.

"Why…are they here now?"

I say, looking up at Charon. He smiles at them floating around us, between us, above and at our feet.

"Because…perhaps, the world is ready for them now. Perhaps, the progression of the G.E.C.K has reached further than we think. They are heading towards Megaton, where there are crops, and grass. Places, for them to live."

"Where were they living before?"

"I do not know. Underground, where the radiation could not penetrate? You would be amazed, at how skillful, resourceful, and resilient nature is, Dezbe."

They're returning because of what I did. Both with the pure water, and the G.E.C.K. Are Cain and Dizzy seeing this? I hope they are. I want her to see this. It's…breathtaking, really.

"Dez…"

Charon says, holding his cupped hands to my face.

"What is it?"

When he opens them, a ton of them fly out, all brightly lit at once. It's like…some sort of glowing stream of things. I can't even describe it, as they fly near my face and far off to join their friends above us. I laugh, and Charon reaches out, grabbing more and more in his hands. He lets them all go at once, a stream of light coming from his palms. I look at him, at my husband, and see for the first time in our lives together, a childhood wonder that wasn't ever there before.

"If the world is changing like this, I can't wait to see it with you."

I tell him, as he catches more, simply by reaching out and standing still.

"Yes. It is another reason, for me to take my medicine. I wish to see this world, and I also wish…"

"For?"

"…grandchildren. One day, I would like to meet my grandchildren."

It makes me smile. I jump up, wrapping my hands around his neck, as the fireflies sparkle and glow around us. In a way, even though it's barren and there's a broken highway above us, this is kind of romantic.

"To another forty-one years together?"

I ask him, holding on to his neck.

"And many more after that."

He kisses me, and I smile. I miss his leather armor, but for now, his white shirt will do.

"What else was there in pre-war, I mean, like fireflies?"

I say, letting him go. We lie down in the dirt. It's gotten softer in the years, with the rain, and maybe, just maybe, the G.E.C.K is reaching this far out, too.

"Well. There were frogs, and tadpoles. You would catch them in a net. They lived in rivers and ponds. There were dragonflies, butterflies, and grasshoppers. Each one, easily catchable by a child. Fireflies are the only ones that light up, but, the rest have their own unique abilities."

Lots of flies back then, it seems. But it doesn't matter. Staring up at the night sky, this time, with two sets of blinking stars, I can't help but smile.

"Whatever technology we find, can't be as cool as this."

"I agree."

Technology and computers are great, but the feel of grass beneath your feet, is even greater. Charon says he still dreams of us in a field of grass, both human, like he did at Point Lookout. Only, my hair is longer, and I wear a pre-war sun dress. A nice one, not ruined by war. And he has his armor, and he's human, and we just sit in a field, beneath a tree. Forever ago, that place I ran off to, the war hadn't touched. At least, that's how it seemed. Those inbred morons had a field of grass, and green trees. Nothing was dead, and I still haven't figured out why.

"Think one day, we'll…you know, see a real tree together? Like pre-war?"

Charon sighs heavily, and takes his hand in mine.

"To be truthful, Dez, I…do not want all aspects of pre-war to come back. Because with the trees, soon comes the industrialization of them. The world essentially resets, and in a few centuries, another war would erupt. If there was a way, to keep the Capital Wasteland as is, and still enjoy certain pre-war pleasures, I would chase it. Because I do not wish another Great War, on any of my descendants."

He has it now. A family to look after. I think it's finally sunk in, that now, his bloodline will continue stronger than ever. And it's up to us to make this place as livable as we can for them, within reason. There will be grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren. If we can use our longevity to our advantage, maybe, one day we'd meet them.

"If Dizzy had a baby, what do you think she'd name it?"

I ask, and Charon looks at me.

"I do not want to think of that. Probably…something inane."

"She's taking after you, you know."

That look. I know that look. I've seen it a million times before and have seen it on Dizzy recently. It tells me to go on.

"She's serious, like you. And she's logical, analytical, and…well, she's growing to be very dangerous. You were smart to train Cain."

"Yes."

I know that's the end of the conversation. Beneath the sky of fireflies, and on the soft ground, Charon falls asleep. Soon, I will, too. Tomorrow we have a lot of walking, and a lot of reminiscing. I can't wait. Our own adventure, just like the old times, but better. Kind of what Charon wants with pre-war, and the now. All the good, with just a tad of bad.

Turning over to face him, I can't help but smile. But then again, I can't sleep. I'm too excited. I don't know for what. Getting up, I immerse myself in the fireflies, and watch them, from sitting on top of the boulder Charon was sitting on. When I was little, I would dream of stuff like this. Things like rain, and snow, were all so distant. I never thought in a million years I'd feel grass, see a tree, or ever sit in the sun. The stars in the night sky, are a huge bonus, too.

Staring up at the stars, and letting the fireflies glitter around me, I can't wipe the smile off of my face. The Capital Wasteland isn't much to most people. It's just another desolate part of the world, with decaying buildings laying around everywhere. But to me, it's my home. It made all my dreams come true. If you would have told nineteen-year-old me, that this was possible, she would have laughed at you. She wouldn't believe a word of it, and call crazy. I mean, ghouls, and the sun, the Capital Wasteland, and all the changes that took place in my life, all the adventures that took over my life. And the snow. The snow, that I long for every year. It seems to only come once a year, when the Capital Wasteland gets frigid and the crops have trouble growing. Charon says it's the seasons, that it was common in pre-war. It's only for one month, and sometimes within that month, the snow doesn't come. But when it does, everything is covered in fluffy white fun stuff. Sure we freeze, and shiver, and hate having to leave our warm beds, but once you play in it, you forget all that. Making balls of snow, running around, building snow structures and sliding every which way. It's fun, and I love that time of the year.

Looking away from the sky, and down at an exhausted Charon, I figure that maybe I should try to sleep. We have a long walk ahead of us tomorrow, if we want to get back on time. We're not sure of what we'll find, either. What form of technology was left behind, and why it's waiting for us. I want to say it's a trap, but there's nobody out here to do that to us anymore. Charon also put my fears about Jasper to rest. He said he suspected the same thing, but after watching her, he concluded she was an attention-deprived girl, who said foolish things. Though he didn't explain how he came to this conclusion, I trust him. Which is why I felt okay leaving Dizzy alone in Megaton. It was probably just me being bored and paranoid, after all. Jasper does seem harmless, if not stupid. She's pretty, gorgeous even, but that's all she has going for her. She's empty between the ears.

Getting off the boulder, even though I'm not tired, I decide I might as well try to sleep. Charon's already ten steps ahead of me in that area, but he's also on guard when he sleeps. The second something wakes him up, he's got his gun in his hand and finger on the trigger. Tomorrow, we'll be able to make it to Bailey's Crossroads, where this suspected technology is. We'll gather it up, bring it home, and use it. If it's even of use. It might not even be working, or just some pre-war junk. Charon doesn't share that belief, and thinks that for someone to leave that note on our door, it has to be something important, or someone laying a trap. Either way, we're going to have a fantastic time.


	22. Operation: Anchorage

(Charon)

What stands before me is almost incomprehensible. Dezbe and I have made it to Bailey's Crossroads, where the note claimed the technology was hidden. Remnants of the Outcasts is everywhere. From their armor to their guns, and I do not like the looks of this place.

"Have you found anything?"

I ask Dezbe, watching my back for some stray Super Mutants, Raiders, or perhaps even Outcasts. Dezbe has been working the control panel to this contraption, and her face screams frustration. I have no idea what it does, or where the technology is. I simply know it has something to do with the control panel. It is quiet here. Too quiet for the city. Even with the dwindling Super Mutant population, there are no Centaurs, or Raiders. Both of with come by the handfuls here. Centaurs usually follow their Super Mutant masters, so perhaps they too have dwindled in population. It is probable. Dezbe has never seen one, much to my surprise. I told her about them a while ago, and she looked disgusted. It is to be expected, they are disgusting creatures.

"The technology is here, and it's big."

"Big?"

I say back to her, still scanning the area.

"Yeah. Like super awesome."

"How do you know this?"

"They locked it up. The only way to get into it is to…use this thingy."

By that she means the control panel. I turn to look at her, and see she has a look on her face. The last time I saw that look, was when we went searching for her father at Smith Casey's Garage years and years ago. Vault 12, I believe, if memory serves me right.

"Can it be unlocked?"

I ask, and she shakes her head.

"Charon, it isn't a method of _unlocking_ really. It's…a virtual reality simulator. Only…"

"Yes?"

"It's set in Anchorage, during the Great War, and the only way to enter it, is by using this…"

She points to the Pip-Boy on her wrist. I see fear in her eyes. Virtual reality was not uncommon in pre-war, but to use it as a locking method to technology? I shake my head, and sigh.

"I know what technology it is, and it is useful. Stealth Suits and winter Power Armor. It is understandable, they would have this virtual reality to hide it behind. If you fail in this…not only will you be locked out, but the machine will not let you go."

Dezbe stares at me, then back at the control panel. With the seasons steadily changing, it would be beneficial to have winterized Power Armor. It will come in handy, if the winter months fully return. It can get near freezing here, and work must still be done. The citizens would have no use of this, but Dezbe and I would.

"It's a risk I'll have to take. I've always wanted to see pre-war, anyways."

She wants to go, and I understand why, but she does not see the severity of the situation.

"Dez, within this virtual reality, it is not what you are used to. It is strategic warfare, and I cannot risk anything happening to you."

"But it's all fake."

"Yes, but the locking mechanisms are not. You will be locked in, and I will have no way of getting you out. I know nothing of this technology, you do."

"Are you saying you're going to go in instead of me?"

"Precisely."

She stares at me, disappointed and wide-eyed.

"So…so what do I do?"

I place my gun on my back, and stand in the machine. She hesitates taking off her Pip-Boy, but eventually, hands it over to me.

"You will return to Megaton, check on the children, and return here. By the time you arrive, I should be finished. Take the same pathway we did to return, and we will meet halfway."

"Why can't I wait for you?"

"Because I do not know how long this will take. There is something about this I do not like. A bad feeling."

"Explain, or I'm not punching in the code to enter you in."

She stands by the control panel, stubborn. I do not wish to worry her, and I also do not wish to fall so easily for this trap. But what choices do I have? It is better to go into this with the technology, than fight without.

"This was a setup. I am not sure by whom, but nobody would share this with us if it were not a trap. I worry about Dizzy, and want her and you safe. By the time I am done, either the enemy will have arrived, or they will be waiting."

"And then?"

"I will kill them, and when you return, we can gather this technology and return home safely."

My plan is explained as if there is no room for failure. But I know that there is. There is always room for failure.

"Is this technology really that important, Charon?"

"Yes, and no. It is not the technology I am after, though it will prove to be of great use later. It is the enemy. They will not come out, until they see we have activated this. I wish to know who is chasing us, and why, rather than put the town of Megaton at risk."

Dezbe walks over to me, worried. She hugs me, and smiles.

"You get a kiss when you come back safe, okay?"

"You will check on the children?"

Dez nods, and backs away.

"It's stupid to do this, but you're right. If someone is after us, like you think, then we might as well know now. If not, then, we walk away with awesome stuff and you get to go back to Anchorage."

"Oh, joy."

She laughs at me, returning to the control panel. I watch her, as she waves, punching in the code.

"I love you, you know."

"I love you."

The cage closes around me, and I feel claustrophobic. Closing my eyes, I wait, as a voice begins talking. Telling me of my mission, to kill Jing-Wei, and where I am stationed. All of my memories flood to me, from when I was in Anchorage. I remember the snow, the cold, and soon, I can feel it. I look, and can see my teammates. Everything is white, and blindingly bright. I look at my hands. I am human again, and there is no room for failure, in this reality.


	23. It's A Sin to Tell A Lie

(Dezbe)

I'm alone now. Charon's…more than a bit unreachable. This place is weird. And it's both wide open, and closed off, if that makes any sense. There's bright lights, and dark hallways. There's the city, and further off, the Capital Wasteland. I can't help but feel guilty. I've put us in danger so much in our lives, and I still can't seem to stop. It's like, I _need_ adventure, and war-like action. As if I thrive off being in the middle of all this mess. Sure, Charon and I aren't in any mess right now, but…he's right. Nobody would just coincidentally leave a note telling us where to get precious pre-war technology without a catch. Nobody does that, not even in pretend-land. I should have known something was up, but I was so blind to relive the past that Charon and I had together, that I didn't see what was right in front of me.

Then again, Charon would have probably had us come out here anyways. He's right. It's better to fall into the trap, and find out who our enemies are, than sit and wait like crippled Molerats. But, who could be after us? There's always NCR and Legion, but…they'd have to be insane to follow us out here. When I was in New Vegas, stories of what Charon and I had done were echoed everywhere. Surely anyone who dared come out here would have heard them. Or they would have been passed down from adult to child. Something like that. So who would be crazy enough to fight us now? Nobody in the Capital Wasteland wants to anymore, and Raiders aren't this organized.

Staring around at the steel walls, openings, and city, I sigh. Charon told me to go home, and take care of Dizzy. It makes sense now. He's suspected someone's been planning this since possibly before we left for New Vegas. Or maybe once we got there, I don't know. If he didn't, he wouldn't have taken Cain and Zack to train. He wouldn't have suggested we come here, which was _his_ idea after he returned, just to be clear. And also, he wouldn't have told me to go home. Charon doesn't do something for no reason. Everything he does is for a reason. It just takes a bit for said reason to come to light. He trained Cain, but he's worried, which means this is a lot bigger. Like, Brotherhood of Steel, not Outcasts, bigger. Maybe even Enclave. I know they're all gone, I'm just using them for measurements.

He should trust Cain enough to keep Dizzy safe by now. But maybe, this is bigger than I'm seeing. I'm going to listen to Charon, and head home, but while I do I can't help but wonder. Wonder about who could be after us, about our past, and about how large scale this attack on us is. Maybe it is a group of Raiders, I don't know. I'm just worried that this virtual reality thing is a trap. What if it isn't really Anchorage in there? I saw the codes, they looked similar to the ones used in Tranquility Lane, but, still. Charon was far too eager to go.

As I walk out, and back into another metro tunnel to take me on the path to Megaton, something clicks in my head. Is this virtual reality a way for Charon to relive his glory days? I know he takes a deep pride in his service in Anchorage, and I know deep down he misses his human self, and all the things he did. He misses pre-war. Especially Anchorage. He would tell me that the cold made him feel alive. Because sometimes he couldn't wear a jacket, due to having to stay camouflaged. He knew if he didn't stay awake, he would die, and that rush is something you can't get out in the hot Wasteland. At least, he tells me. It snows here and there, and gets really cold, but even then he says that isn't cold compared to Alaska. What kind of name is that anyways? Ah-las-ka. Sounds stupid, if you ask me.

I hear the murmurs of a few traders bunking nearby as I reach the end of this metro tunnel. Once you've walked them as often as I did, and do, you learn them like the back of your hand, and know which turns to take to get out quick and easy. I know they're just traders, because of the way they talk about their supplies. Traders are aware of the wanderers around here, and know that someone like me might ambush them if they don't talk loud enough to distinguish who they are. Although that can be used against them if there's a band of Raiders around. Then again, they often times have bodyguards with them. I pass the tunnel they're camping in with no problem. I know they hear me, but we both know we're just crossing paths, and don't want any trouble. I've got too much on my mind to think of trouble with them.

I keep floating back to the thought of Jasper. Though Charon told me otherwise, I can't help but think she has something to do with it. Maybe he said it, because he knew Dizzy and I were worried, and wanted to keep us quiet. If Jasper did have something to do with this, than arising any suspicion in her would be counterproductive. She'd just notify whomever she got to follow us here. Which would take more than the two working brain cells she has. Then again getting someone to fall in love with her, especially someone like that, doesn't take more than two working brain cells. Not that I don't love and respect Zack. I do. It's just that he…he's a guy. And he isn't as reserved with his emotions as Charon or Cain. He gets that from Gob. Lord knows Nova was very, _very_ reserved with her emotions. Given the amount of Johns she had to serve, she had to be. I bet a few of them were dashing and fell in love with her instantly. It took a lot for her to do what she did, and I know Zack didn't get his emotional range from her. Gob, definitely would fall in love with someone who bat their eyelashes and said the right things. Nothing against job, it's just different folks, different taste in post-apocalyptic love. I mean, I'm no one to judge. I'm married to Charon, after all. Actually, no. He's married to me.

Jasper though, she has to have something to do with it. There's no way she can be 100% innocent. None of this started until after we had returned from New Vegas. And though the chances of Zack finding love in New Vegas are...high, the amount of girls willing to actually leave that place is slim. Zack can fall in love all he wants, but for the girl to fall in love back, and follow him all the way to the Capital Wasteland, when before she claimed to have never left Gomorrah? Slim. Very, very slim. It can still happen, but it doesn't mean it wouldn't arise suspicion in me. I'm just a suspicious person by nature, I guess. After all I've lived through, I kind of have to be.

The only thing that gets my mind to stop reeling with worries, is the thought of the fireflies later tonight. I'm not sure if they're going to be there, but hey, I can hope. They are a sight, after all. Especially since I've never seen them before last night. It seemed to have brought back a childlike wonder in Charon, too. He did have a good point last night. About wanting pre-war back, but not the dirty and sticky parts of it. More like wanting the awesome parts. Like trees, grass, flowers and fireflies. Maybe, I could even get an actual working musical instrument, too. I'd like a piano, and a place to play it. In front of a lot of people. Eh, no. Now that I think of it, that idea is really stupid.

My mind doesn't stay on those happy thoughts for long, though. I can't help it. I have to worry. I'm a mother now, and have been for a while. Dizzy's never been in any real danger, and now she may be. Not that she's not capable of handling herself, she is in many ways, it's just…I worry. I don't want her to live the same life I did. I don't want her to be orphaned, and have to do or go through anything I had to. I mention being orphaned, because Charon and I are not invincible. It would really only take one well-aimed bullet to get us. And even with radiation, when you get a bullet to the head, you're dead. Of course there's other places a bullet can hit that'll kill someone, we've just been so lucky it isn't even funny. We've had good cover, good tactics, or luck has just been favoring us. But you can't really rely on luck forever. Eventually someone is going to get hurt, and get hurt bad. Although I don't want Dizzy to be orphaned, I'd give my life to keep her alive. I suppose that's what parenting is all about. You're allowed to make it all about your husband and you for as long as you want, but in the end, it's always about your child. Charon and I are allowed to take well-needed us time, but we're going to worry about Dizzy, for forever. Being a parent now, makes me see how much my parents must have worried about me. Even though my dad was always busy with Project Purity, or something in the vault, he was probably worried about me. And he did try. Lord, did he try. He just didn't know how to show it. Which makes me wonder if I've shown it enough to Dizzy. Was I a good mother? Did I show her I loved her enough? All these thoughts race through my head, and I don't have a sure answer for any of them.

It'll take me a bit to get back to Megaton. To prepare and see if there's going to be anyone coming for me. I figure I'll take Cain and Dizzy back with me to meet Charon, so if something does happen, at least my family is safe. I wouldn't mind losing the grass, or crops, or even Megaton, as long as my family is safe. When things happen, I guess that's your only worry. You begin to see that towns can be rebuilt, crops regrown, and people return. There's vaults that hold the G.E.C.K all over the country. It's not like it's a rare item to have, just something not many people know about. I'm worried about Dizzy though, and Charon and everyone. I don't know why, but, I've never felt this scared before.


	24. Hidden

(Dizzy)

Mom comes back without dad, which seems really odd. Actually, it is really odd. Those two are never apart. I mean, unless dad tells mom to. But is that what happened? I watch mom come up to the house. Cain is down visiting Zack and Gob, and I'm outside sitting and enjoying the sunlight. I look over at mom, who looks tired, and stressed out. I don't think I've ever seen her so distressed before. It's really concerning. I mean, Cain and I enjoyed the alone time we got out of mom and dad being away, but what did they go away for? What the hell happened?

"Mom?"

I say, standing up. It looks like she hasn't slept in days. She's only been gone a night, two, really. She shakes her head at me, and goes right into the house. I follow her. Something is up, and she hid it from me. I know she probably did it for good reason, but I'm old enough now to be included in these things. Mom and dad have to let me go. They have to let me grow up, and treat me like an adult, too.

"Mom, where's dad?"

She ignores me, as I follow her up the stairs. Opening her bedroom door, she starts to dig out a steel chest from under her bed. Weapons. Mom keeps her most dangerous weapons in that chest. A shudder goes down my spine.

"What's going on?"

"I think your father is in trouble."

Mom is annoyed, stressed, and angry. I wouldn't want to be on her warpath right now. Her tone makes me feel like it's not as bad as her appearance says it is. Maybe I'm just overreacting.

"Dad's in trouble, or is dad the trouble?"

"Either he's in trouble, or he's going to be."

Turning back to her chest, she unlocks it. I see guns I've only ever heard about. One being a Fat Man. Those things can launch mini-nukes, and according to the hearsay around here, mom has some serious experience with them.

"…Mom…"

I hear the downstairs door open as mom folds the Fat Man into itself, to make it easier to carry. Two sets of feet clamor up the stairs in a rush-hurry. It's Zack and Cain, and they look just as bad as mom. Did I miss something completely and utterly important while I was sitting in the sun? Because really, this is kind of insane.

"This better be important, I have to pack."

Mom is really in a no bullshit mood right now. Apparently, neither are Zack and Cain.

"I got this letter today. It was for Jasper, but I opened it."

Zack says, thrusting the letter to mom. When mom reaches for it, I notice she doesn't have her Pip-Boy on.

"Wait, where's your Pip-Boy?"

Again, I'm overlooked as she scans the letter. Her eyes skim over it, and the rage builds and builds. For safe measure, since she has a Fat Man, we all take a few steps back.

"Where is Jasper?"

Mom demands, grinding her teeth.

"She's with my dad, we tried to cover this all up so she wouldn't suspect anything."

As he finishes, the front door slams again. Gob comes up yelling.

"That woman took off!"

He yells, reaching the top of the stairs. I'm the only one not involved in this. I have no idea what is going on. The world could be ending, and I wouldn't even know about it. Because nobody wants to inform me.

"Gob, get the citizens as far away from here as possible. Tell them they have to leave, and leave fast. There's no time to explain it to them, just go. Take Zack with you. When you're done, meet Cain, Dizzy and I in the entrance to Vault 101."

"Right."

Gob and Zack leave, with Cain and I standing behind. He's not confused, but I am.

"Mom! What the hell is going on? Where's dad? Where's your Pip-Boy?"

For the first time since she got home, mom looks at me. Her face turns calm and collected.

"Legion is sending the troops here. They have a bomb. Jasper was a part of Caesar's Legion. They heard about the G.E.C.K and the progression of technology years ago. Only now did they find a way to infiltrate without anyone knowing the wiser. Jasper led them here, and told them everything they needed to know."

"And dad?"

"…I think…they've captured him."

I don't ask anything more. I don't want to. I'm scared. I've never been involved in something this big. By looking at mom, I don't think she knows how big it is, either. She seems scared, and unsure of things. Cain and I help her pack, but my mind is elsewhere. What kind of bomb? What kind of trouble? I can hear Gob and Zack yelling outside to get everyone to leave.

"What if she's lying?"

I ask mom, as she shoves a few mini-nukes into her pack.

"It's better to evacuate now than to see if that's true. I don't know about you, but it's not in my agenda to be hit with a nuclear weapon."

Although we're resistant to radiation, the blast of that would surely kill us. There's be no way for us to survive. Unless the radiation protected us, but I hear when bombs like that happen, they sort of wipe out everything. Like the Great War mom and dad always talk about.

"Where could she have run to…"

Cain wonders to himself. Mom sighs, standing up and slinging the pack over her shoulder.

"To Bailey's Crossroads, where Charon is. Look, we don't have time to follow her right now, we have to get to Vault 101."

Mom pushes through us and starts to storm out. Cain and I look at one another. I don't know about him, but I'm scared and worried. He seems cool, though. Like he has a plan of some sorts. We don't say anything to one another, but instead grab our pack that we keep in our room, and follow mom out the door.

"The bomb will hit tomorrow. The letter was confirming the location as Megaton. It also said to get somewhere safe, probably the hideout they have at Bailey's. Those fuckers, Charon knew this was a trap. He trained you and Zack to make sure you were ready for it."

"But why didn't dad tell us?"

I ask her, really concerned. We get further and further away from Megaton, and with each step I get more and more scared. I've fought Raiders, and killed dancers. I've never done something like this. Never. It's all new to me, and it's just as scary. I can't handle this type of fight. But I can't tell mom that. I know we're going to fight Legion, it's the only thing that makes sense to mom. Protect the land she's always fought for. Not fighting would be a slap in the face to everything her and dad have done. I can't tell her I'm scared. I can't.

"Because he didn't want anyone to worry, or slip up to Jasper. I spent the entire walk here thinking just that. Charon has a reason for everything he does. He put himself into that chamber so they would catch him. He wants to know his enemy."

"Chamber?"

We reach the top of the hill, where the wooden door to the tunnel into Vault 101 is. Mom opens it, Cain steps in. I turn around to get one last look at the Capital Wasteland. Depending on how big the bomb is, it could wipe out everything as we know it. Mom knows that. I know that. The only reason we're not telling everyone to hide in Vault 101 is because there would be too many people. At least, that's what I suspect, anyways.

"Dizzy, come on."

Mom says, soft. Her tone doesn't fit the mood. It doesn't fit what we're doing, or what's happening. To be honest, I haven't even digested all of it. Our suspicions of Jasper were right. Why didn't I listen to my gut in New Vegas? Why didn't I tell Zack to keep it in his pants? In a small way, I feel like this is my fault. Because really, I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed right here.

"Are we going to wait here for Gob and Zack?"

Cain asks, his voice deep and serious. Something is different about him. He's acting like…well, like dad.

"Yeah. If we're in the vault when they get here, we'll have no way of knowing when they arrive. I figure it'll be easier and safer if we can all enter at once."

"Mom, didn't they lock us out?"

She shakes her head and looks at me.

"It's impossible to lock me out of my home."

Sometimes, I forget mom was raised in the vault. She just fits so well out in the Capital Wasteland, that I've always assumed she was born out there. But then I remember she wasn't born in the vault, only raised there.

"Mom…"

I try to tell her I'm scared. That I don't think I can do it, but she doesn't let me speak. And I kind of clam up.

"I know, that I said I didn't want you two doing this. But you have to keep yourselves safe. You have no idea what we're up against."

I look at Cain. I want to hold his hand, but it doesn't seem to be the right time right now.

"These guys, are not like the Raiders you've fought. They're not going to monologue, or be sloppy. They're trained military. Mercenaries. They will not exercise restraint to keep you alive as blackmail, they will kill you. I need you to both to keep one another safe, and stay hidden."

"Hidden?"

"You're going to stay in the vault while your father and I deal with this."

I have no room to argue. Mainly because Zack and Gob show up, and mom begins to lead us into the vault. I don't want to stay here and wait on the sidelines while mom and dad risk their lives again. I want to help, and be brave. Problem is I don't feel very brave right now. I feel scared, alone, and like a child. I want so badly to fight alongside mom and dad, and show them I'm an adult. But I'm too scared. I'm just…not brave enough. As we step onto the clean steel of Vault 101, and the bright light stings my eyes, I know I'm not brave enough. I know I can never be like mom and dad.


	25. Nothing Left to Lose

_Thank you Lupus7, you did talk to me all night about how to figure a plotline out. And in the middle of uploading, I remembered you asked me to put you in a chapter. So I did. So stop angrily texting me. Meanie._

* * *

(Charon)

Anchorage was different. It was not how I remembered it. It was a glorified reality to unlock the technology. I did not fail, but it was not difficult, either. Jing-Wei was not a difficult enemy. Though while in the simulation, I was distracted. Concerned with what would happen to me as soon as I finished. I suppose I will find out, because things are beginning to fade around me. The virtual reality is over. Either I will wake to Dezbe, or my enemy.

Opening my eyes, I see blue lights surround the chamber. Though it extends a bit off of the platform, it is still a cage. A form of electric current. It bears a shocking resemblance to the energy that came from the baton at the Talon base so many years ago.

"We owe you deep thanks for unlocking the technology for us."

An older man's voice echoes. He steps into the light, wearing an outfit reminding me of Roman Gladiators. Caesar. Old, frail, he has people to do his work for him. I should have known the NCR was smart enough to stay away from the Capital Wasteland, but not Legion. They will take whatever they can get.

"Silent type, are you? Well, I shouldn't be surprised. We read all about you in your file. I assume you know that the Brotherhood has a rather large base in the Mojave? Nobody takes them seriously there anymore, but the base exists."

I stare at him, at the people around me. They all wear armor, of slight varying differences. They watch me, some walk around with clipboards, writing things down. From across the room, I see Jasper. Our eyes meet, and she looks down and away. She knows what she has done, and I am not surprised to see her.

"Now the question is…what to do with you…"

Dezbe will be coming here shortly, and I hope she brought Cain and Zack. She cannot get in here alone.

"Oh, and I wouldn't worry about that little wife of yours…we've taken care of that issue."

Narrowing my eyes, I watch Caesar as he smiles at me. What did he do? Was it a mistake to let Dezbe return to Megaton? No, she would keep the children safe. Which makes me wonder, if Caesar knows about my daughter.

"Watch. It's about to happen."

One of his understudies wheels in a small, pre-war television. They are only used now for communication. I say nothing, and stare between the electric bars, careful to not touch them. If it is the same technology as the baton from the Talons, the pain they will cause is immeasurable. I remember that quite clearly, and also remember inflicting such harm upon Dezbe.

"You see, my organization has a lot of pull back in New Vegas. I hear you've only been once. Shame. You'd do well as a bouncer there."

I remember the Ninth Circle, and my jaw clenches.

"But, regardless, we have connections. You've never heard of the Boomers, but they inhabit a base. Closed off from the rest of the Mojave, they've stockpiled weapons of varying degrees. Some, quite dangers. We were able to obtain one of these bombs from them, in trade for supplies that they were severely lacking."

Bombs? Caesar has obtained a nuclear weapon? I know it is nuclear, because before the Great War, politicians and war machines were only creating nuclear weapons, in defense and offence.

"Ah! Here! See, we came to the understanding that there is not only rare technology, but a…how can I say…flourish of pre-war assets here. Grass and soil being one of them."

"You intend to destroy what you are after?"

I ask him, and he is shocked by my voice.

"No. The vaults on the West Coast have run out of G.E. . Either they have been used and failed, or they simply no longer exist. Here, there is an abundance of them. Or so we think. Regardless, the G.E.C.K will be able to restore whatever we destroy. Only in a bigger way. We're not worried about losing resources, they're gained back easily. As long as we can keep the medical advancements your…Dr. Barrows has made, we are content."

"You intend to drop a nuclear bomb on Megaton. Is that what you are saying?"

Caesar looks at me, smiling.

"Watch."

He points to the screen. I can feel my heart racing in my chest, faster and faster. What I see on the screen is a black and white image, tinted green, of Megaton. The screen glitches out, and returns fuzzy and static.

"I do not believe you. You cannot get a camera that close, whomever is filming would be killed by the blast."

"A small sacrifice, for the greater good."

A countdown starts, and as they reach one, I hold my breath. Staring at the screen, I know Dezbe wouldn't be returning yet. I know she and Dizzy would be home, and unaware of the danger coming to them. They would receive no warning, no way of leaving, nothing. Fear strikes, the fear of losing them, and it is a form of fear I've never felt before.

"Stop! I'll tell you everything!"

I yell, getting as close to the bars as possible. Caesar looks at me, smirking.

"I can't, it's too late."

"My daughter is there!"

He looks at me, smiling like a sadistic clown. A large flash emits from the television. Smoke and debris ruins the camera. Soon, the entire underground base vibrates and shakes from the shock of the bomb. I stare, at the blank screen, falling to my knees. My family…

"Oh, you'll be fine, men trained as you are trained prefer to work alone, right?"

He begins to laugh at me. Mock me. Something inside clicks, something worse than anger and despair. It's loss. Loss, and humanity. A pain that I've never felt, and never intended to. I can reach through the bars, I can grab him. Caesar is too confident. His outfit, easily grabbed, and his body too close. Standing up, I push my arm through the bars, ignoring the slight electrical stings.

"Watch out!"

Jasper yells, appearing from beside the television. She pushes Caesar out of the way, and I grab her by the neck. I feel every muscle in my body as a separate being. I feel every tendon in her neck, pressing against the veins in my fingers. Slowly, as I rise from my knees, tears fall from my eyes. Images of Dizzy laughing, of Dezbe's childish antics flood my mind without any mercy or care. It works with the pain of the loss. It enhances it, builds it, and flows into the fingertips that hold tight to Jasper's throat. The woman who caused this. My home, my family, to fall to a weapon I thought no longer existed. Did the world not learn the first time? Is humanity so blind and stupid that it is willing to repeat its own history time and time again while still recovering from its past mistakes? Can we not give the world a chance to recover before destroying it? Can…my enemies not give me a full life of happiness, before ripping it from my arms, because they want the skills cursed upon me? The answer is no. Simply, no.

"Please…"

Jasper gasps, and behind her Caesar appears.

"Emotions? Didn't know they taught that at the Pentagon. Or, rather, Citadel."

"You took my family."

I say to Jasper, ignoring Caesar.

"You killed the man you claimed to love…"

I'm not sure, if the tears in her eyes are from the grip I have on her, or from the realization of her actions. She kicks, and shakes her head, coughing.

"I want you to live, knowing I will _always_ find you. You will live in fear, in terror, unknowing of when I will kill you. I promise I will, but not today. Today, you are going to sit, and think of what you have just done, to a person you did not want as your enemy."

I whisper to her, Caesar unaffected by her near-death. She, like the rest of his team, are expendable. He gets a sick amusement from watching his people burn and die. There is a thin line that parts us humans from animals. Caesar never learned conviction. He, is weak.

"I have the power, Charon, remember that."

He tells me, as I drop Jasper to the ground. She lands, coughing, gasping, sobbing. Through her long black hair, Jasper looks at Caesar. For comfort, for reassurance, for something. He offers nothing, and gives nothing, before turning and leaving. She watches the door, for only a moment, before her eyes fall on me. When they do, I look at her, and fall to the floor.

Pounding the steel floor, I let the pain out. Caesar can no longer see me, and Jasper will see the full extent. She will see how it is to bring a man like me down, and fear what'll happen. The only emotion I'll have next time we see one another is anger. And she is at the core of it. I cry, remembering the night Dizzy was born, and how a family was created. How after everything Dezbe and I have done, it ends like this. With my town demolished, my friends dead, my family, gone. All of it, gone. Reduced to nothing more than mere rubble and trash, adding to the Wasteland. I was stupid to think anyone could change the world. To think that Dezbe and her G.E.C.K could make even an ounce of difference, or that Dr. Barrows' medical research could lead us to a time of peace and prosperity. I sob, harder than I have in my life, harder than I ever thought possible. I cry, like a man who has lost everything, and has nothing left. There is nothing more they could take from me, or use against me. And they should be terrified.

"…I'm sorry."

I look up at Jasper. My family, reduced to two words. Two simple words, and one should be forgiven? I look her in the eyes, and she backs away. She turns to a frightened mouse, a deep bruise forming where I held her.

"Get. Out."

Wisely, she listens. I will find a way out of this. And I will kill them. Each and every one. I will not use my gun. I will use the training not even Dezbe is aware of. A form of killing, meant only for dire situations. Meant for situations just like this. When there is nothing left to lose, and the world is already over. A form of killing, that nobody today even remembers. But they will remember this. One by one, they will see their fellow men fall, and they, for their short lives, will not forget it. I will find them. I will travel to New Vegas, and rip every Legion I find, from nape to navel. They underestimate me. Don't they understand now, I am free? I have nobody to worry about when I get out of here. My attention is on them. And they should be very, very proud of themselves.


	26. Who You Are

(Dezbe)

So the people in Vault 101 aren't too thrilled to see us, but I don't really care. We didn't even go _into_ the vault. Just really behind the gear door so the blast wouldn't hurt us. I mean, once Gob and Zack got here anyways. For a bit, it was forced dark humor. Gob saying how long it's going to take to clean up the mess, and Dizzy saying how now she'd be able to see the Capital Wasteland as I once saw it. But deep down, we're all scared. We're all nervous and terrified. And we're all losing our minds.

The vibration from the bomb wasn't hard to detect. It made everything rattle, shake, and everyone clung to each other. I've never witnessed something like this. A mini nuke can wipe out a small base, but we're talking Megaton here. I don't know how big the bomb is. I don't know how much of the Capital Wasteland is destroyed, more than it already is, and I don't know if Charon is safe. But I can't worry about that. I have to be strong for Dizzy. I told her that no matter what, to never let your enemies see how much they've hurt you. I'd be a hypocrite if I started to cry now.

"It's over."

Gob says as the vibrations cease. I look at him like he's crazy, but he holds up his hand.

"It wasn't a small missile. Yes, there's going to be dust, and radiation, but we're all immune to it. We have to assess the damages, and help those we can. More likely than not, those who lived, will be unable to fend for themselves, or get water or food. We can't leave them like that."

I nod, Gob being the one to want to help everyone else. I look at Dizzy, and I've never seen her so terrified before.

"Everything is going to be okay. I promise."

"But what about dad?"

I swallow hard, and remain silent. Cain stands up, and with him, Dizzy follows. She'll be strong, as long as she has him to lean on.

"Gob's right, you two. Come on."

I tell Dizzy and Cain. Zack is silent, he has been since arriving. He's been thinking about Jasper. A woman can tell these things. I choose not to pry, figuring he's feeling pretty guilty right about now. Plus, we have more pressing matters at hand. After this storm has passed, there'll be time for laughter. Right now, we have to take it all in, and move forward. But nothing, can really prepare me, for opening those doors, and seeing what happened.

Turns out, nothing really did prepare me. As Gob breaks open the wooden door, jammed shut by the blast, we're all greeted by a thick cloud of smoke. With Cain's duster outfit, he has a mask. Quickly, he places it over Dizzy's mouth, and she's able to breathe. I stay low, and take short breaths best I can. The dust isn't so thick where we can't see, it only makes it hard to breathe. And there's radiation in the air. So powerful it makes me feel as if I'm on five Jet inhalers. It's too much almost, and I have to lean on Gob to stop from shaking.

"Atom…"

I hear Gob say, and notice he's looking at Megaton. I mean, where it used to be. The Capital Wasteland has been leveled. The highways near Megaton, gone. Crumbled into the dirt. Springvale, eliminated. And Megaton…nothing more than a hole in the ground. We can see the rubble of it all, but not much due to the dust. We can't even see how far the blast radius is, which strikes fear in me.

"Charon…"

I say, stepping forward a bit, my gun in my hand, bouncing against my knee as I shake.

"Mom…is dad…"

Dizzy doesn't finish, as it all hits me. My home and my husband are gone. Are gone. Because of Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Atom above better help her if she survived this, because I will kill her. But then, something else hits me. Something else…and it's…scary. It's cold, and lonely, and…silently, I fall to my knees.

"…Charon…"

It's a worse pain than I've ever felt before. Could it even be described as pain, even? Something so intense, your entire body shuts down and you can't even breathe? Against the heat and radiation and dust, I feel cold, as I shake. I feel so cold, and scared. I feel Gob's hand on my shoulder, and his presence next to me. Silent tears wash away the dust on my face, making small clean areas.

"…What am I going to do?"

I ask him, feeling his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't give up now. Your daughter needs you."

Daughter. Dizzy. Cain. Cain! Standing up I spin around and grab at the dust until I find him. With insane eyes, and a wet face, I bring him down to eye level. I'm trying really hard to be strong right now, but this is kind of seriously traumatic. I just lost my home, I don't need to lose my husband, too.

"You have that freaky twin sense. Is Charon dead?"

Cain is shocked, and doesn't know what to say. When he doesn't respond, I shake his shoulders best I can with my little hands.

"Tell me! Cain! Tell me!"

Cain shakes his head, scared. I feel his hands wrap around my wrists, and pull my hands away from his shoulders. He straightens his back, looking from me to Dizzy in the dust that acts like an annoying fog. I look over at Dizzy, and see that she too, is crying, and waiting for an answer.

"I don't know. I…I can't feel…anything. I'm…shocked."

He's in shock. In complete shock. So much so his survival instinct has kicked in. Cain and Dizzy have never been in this situation. They don't know how to push that instinct down and concentrate on the matter at hand. I don't blame them, but in my state, I can't help it.

"…Daddy's dead? He's dead! Who is going to save us? Who is going to help us? Mom what do we do? Mom!"

Dizzy starts to cry, frantic and upset. Cain doesn't know what to do, and simply holds her as she sobs. I can't comfort her. I don't know how. I…I don't know how to rebuild from this. Without Charon by my side. I don't know what to do. I start to shake more out of fear and sadness than the overdose of radiation.

"We're going to die!"

Dizzy cries, and it scares me. I back away slowly, looking around. I try to find the sun, but the dust blankets the sky. I can't see it. I can't even see if it's day still. I can't see anything.

"Enough!"

Gob yells, scaring everyone into silence. His eyes meet mine through the haze, as Zack stands behind him, eerily calm.

"Do you know what to do now, Gob? Have you figured out some master plan to find everyone and keep them safe? Is that it?"

I say, sarcasm dripping.

"I know exactly what to do."

Gob walks over, and hits me. He hits me across the face so hard, I fall to the ground. I hear Dizzy call my name, and someone stopping her from reaching me. Gob's never hit me before. The taste of iron in my mouth tells me I've bitten my cheek. But, for some reason, I'm not angry at him. Instead, it helped me come to my senses. Getting up from the ground, I stare at Gob, who looks deadly serious.

"I don't know what the hell you're crying about. You've fought for this land time and time again, and now you give up? How many times have you been parted from Charon, and destroyed everyone in your path until you were reunited? How many? And now, you choose this time, to forget? Forget everything you've fought for? Forget why you got the G.E.C.K and birthed Dizzy? You're _Dezbe_! You're the Vigilante of the Capital Wasteland! You've gone through memory loss, contract manipulation, and everything in between, and _now_ you give up?"

"Gob…"

"No! I have stood by and watched. My home is destroyed, and has been. Nova was ripped from my life, and I didn't for one moment give up! If you lose hope now, what will Dizzy think? What example are you setting? You. Are. Dezbe. You will go to where you left Charon, you will find him, and you will kill every person who tries to stop you. You will find him, and remind him of who he is. And you will remind him of who you are."

"And if he's dead?"

"Then remind everyone, why you're to be feared and respected. Remind them, and do what it is you do best."

With that he hands me my Fat Man that fell from my pack as we exited the vault. I feel youthful, as he places it in my hands. I feel…alive. Angry, as if I have a purpose. An outlet for this anger. Something to fight for. As I put the Fat Man on my back, I smile at him.

"Thank you."

Stepping forward, I kiss him like two friends should never kiss. But, it's the least I can do.

"You're a great friend. I love you."

I feel three pairs of eyes drilling confused holes into my head. But I pay them no mind.

"Go remind the world of who you are, now that I reminded you."

I nod at Gob, and step away from him. Looking at Cain and Dizzy, I sigh.

"You two stay with Gob. Help him, and listen to him. Stay hidden, and keep one another safe. I'll be back. I promise."

Hugging Dizzy, I see she's scared. It's okay, because I'm scared too. But Gob is right. If Charon is dead or not, I still have to find him. I have to remind everyone why they need to stay away from my land, and my family. Most of all, to stay away from me.

"I'll be back."

I tell Gob as I let go of Dizzy. He nods, knowingly, as he has so many times before. I start to descend the hillside, loose rocks and rubble falling beneath my feet, and dust clouding my vision. Only when I reach the bottom, do I feel safe. I know this land, and I know _exactly_ how to find Charon. Dust or no dust, I can make it.

"Mom!"

I hear Dizzy call from behind me. Looking back, I see her fall from the hill and grab my arm.

"Mom! I can't…mom please…"

"Hush, Dizzy."

Running my fingers over her short hair, I look into her eyes. She's just as scared as I was, my first time out in the Capital Wasteland.

"I don't know what to do…"

"Dizzy, listen to me. You're stronger than you think you are."

"But what if…what if…"

"You're my daughter, and Charon's. You'll know what to do, no matter what situation."

"Mom…"

"Trust me, honey. It's in your blood. Believe in yourself. Stay safe. Keep Cain safe. I'm so proud of you."

The fear in her eyes vanishes. She smiles slightly, and hugs me.

"We may not have a house, but this is our home, and we have to protect it. You'll do fine. Trust your instincts."

"I love you mom."

"I love you too. Now go, those men need you to keep them in line."

Letting her go, she nods at me, and I take off running. Running, because the radiation makes me feel stronger. Running, because I'm angry. Angry at who did this. Angry at the obvious trap. We didn't know how dire it was, how severe. The bomb was unexpected, but so isn't my survival. Whomever launched it is more likely than not at Bailey's Crossroads. They think they've killed me, but really, they've only pissed me off. They put my family in danger, and possibly killed my husband. I'm about to open up a world of hurt on them, worse than any nuclear woman. Hell hath no fury, like Dezbe pissed off. Trust me on this one. I've lived in Hell. It's quite nice, I must say. This…this isn't hell. This is hardly the tip of the iceberg. This is war. A personal war.


	27. Who Am I?

(Dizzy)

Mom vanishes into the dust. I feel better. I feel better. I just have to keep saying it over and over again. Life…life is about getting knocked down over and over, and still getting up. And if you get up, you win. I'm no loser. Mom's right. I'm her daughter. And our family doesn't lose. Whatever you hit us with, we're going to get up. And we're going to come back, stronger and angrier.

I hear the guys clamoring down the hillside behind me. Turning around, I hand Cain his mask back. We look at one another, both wanting to say the same thing, but not having the courage to. Gob watches us, carefully.

"We have to find survivors and bring them back to Megaton. The radiation is thick, so many might be sick, or in the process of becoming ghouls. Worse, they're burning. I can't imagine this much radiation has any positive effects on those not immune to it."

Gob rants on, about where to look, and where to lead them to safety. It's decided that the safest point is here, at the base of the hill, because if need be we can bring them into the vault. The dwellers in there are too scared to hurt us, and will be forced to help us, or die. I mean, that's my thought on it. But then again I'm only half listening. My mind is elsewhere. But I can't peg what's going on inside of it exactly. I can't put my finger on it.

"…Water we'll need to get, and food. But water is more important…"

Gob rants on, and I wonder how far mom will get by the time he's done? She was running pretty fast. But I have no idea where she's going, or in what direction. You can't see very far down here. Up on the top of the cliff, it was easier, the dust, not as thick. Down here is a different story. In the middle of my thoughts, I feel Cain's hand on my shoulder. He squeezes it, and I look up at him. That look. It sends a shudder down my spine. I know what it means.

"Zack, you alright?"

Zack starts to make noises for the first time since entering the vault, and I think it's all hitting him. Gob goes to console him, leaving Cain and I to talk softly to one another.

"I'm just one girl…"

I whisper to him, as he stands beside me.

"I thought you said you were special. Different."

He challenges me. I feel my hands shake with adrenaline. My heart pounds in my chest. I feel sadness, pain, and anger. I would say I feel alone, but I don't. I learned in this, that there's a difference between being alone, and feeling lonely.

"I am."

"I am, too."

"Is my father dead?"

"No. I can't say for sure, but I don't…I feel anger. I feel a rage that isn't my own. And it's dangerous."

"Sounds like my father."

"Charon has never…I don't think this type of anger has ever taken over him."

I smirk, and light a cigarette.

"If he's alive, then whomever did this, should be very, very scared."

"Why?"

"You've got mom, and dad, pissed off and thinking one is dead. And you've got me. And you. That's four people, you don't want to piss off, in the Capital Wasteland."

"We're helping Gob."

I look up at him, frowning, stern.

"You know as well as I do that's not what either of us want. I can see it in your eyes, Cain. You're angry. Just say it."

"I am. I am enraged. They took my home, and possibly killed your father. Perhaps this rage, is my own. Seeing you upset, seeing my home in such a state…"

Reaching next to me, I grab his hand.

"They killed all those people."

"Who are we to judge right from wrong in this world, Dizzy?"

"You don't nuke an entire town, because you want one person. Or resource, or whatever they're after."

"…I almost feel bad for them."

Cain is confusing.

"Why?"

"Because your mother has a Fat Man."

I get a chuckle out of that. He's right. Mom has a Fat Man. If dad is alive, he probably thinks mom and I are dead, and I don't want to see that anger. He would get pissed if someone tried to discipline me in Megaton, and they weren't him or mom. I'd hate to see how angry he is now, thinking that someone killed me.

"I'm scared, Cain."

Admitting it aloud is harder than thinking it. I feel him squeeze my hand, as we stare out into the dust, hoping it'll clear.

"I am too. But we can't afford fright and doubt right now. We have to be strong."

"Strength is knowing how much you have to lose, even when there's nothing left to take."

Cain sees my point. He sees that right now, all we have is each other. And we can't let anyone take that from us. And if they do, we can't let them take us. We can't give our enemies, even if we don't know who they are, our pride. Our dignity, and humanity. We have to keep those safe, from everyone, no matter what. My whole life, I've wondered what my purpose was. Where I belonged, and where my place was. I worked so hard, to be someone different than my mom. Someone not like my father, either. I wanted to be Dizzy, just Dizzy, and not Dizzy, the daughter of Charon and Dezbe. I realize now, how stupid that is.

I am their daughter. But I am also my own person. And as I look at my home in this state, I've never been so sure of my purpose. Mom will have a long life, but I will outlive her. I will outlive many people here, if not everyone. And after mom passes, someone has to protect this land. Someone has to keep the evil people away. Someone, has to stand up to the bullies, against the weaker ones. I realize now, that my parents never pushed this on me. Not once did they mention this. Instead, they let me find out my purpose on my own. And I did. I realize it now, as the radiation shakes me from the inside out, and the dust moves and swirls, blocking out the sun. This is my home, and it's in my blood to keep it safe. That being said, I can't let mom do this alone. I have to go with her. I have to help.

"Cain, we have to go."

"I know."

Sneaking away isn't an option. Gob will worry. Which reminds me that mom kissed him and when this is all said and done I need to ask her about that. It was strange. But I think it was mainly because they have such a close bond, and in mom's mind, it made sense to do that.

"Gob?"

I call, interrupting him comforting a now crying Zack. He blames himself, for all of this. But it's not his fault. He had no idea. None of us really did. We all fall under the same category as 'dumb, stupid, kids' even though Zack is a lot older than me. We're all the same. We're all human, and we make mistakes. In time, he'll learn that. But right now, he has to go through the process of mourning and blame. I never knew I could be so mature, but I guess when things get hard, there isn't a choice.

When Gob turns to face us, he sees the look on our faces. He sees it in our eyes, and sighs. We stand in silence, staring at one another.

"I'll say you took off on your own. Bailey's Crossroads, in the city. You'll need to be careful finding it. It's not a well-known place."

"Thank you, Gob."

"Come back in one piece. Charon, if he ain't already dead, would kill me for letting you run off like this…"

I hug Gob, and he pats my head.

"Get outta here kid! You're reminding me of your mother at that age. Go on, get!"

Cain and I take off into the dust, hoping to keep up with mom, but not meet up with her. Silently we decided it's best to not be seen or heard. Mom has enough on her plate, and I want to show everyone I can do it. That Cain and I are completely capable of handling a situation like this. Even though they'll hardly ever present themselves to us, I want to be brave. I want to be strong. I want to be exactly who I'm supposed to be. Dizzy, the daughter of Dezbe and Charon, protector of the Capital Wasteland. I'll narrow down the title in time, but right now, nothing ever fit so perfectly.


	28. I Need You

(Charon)

I see nobody. Nobody comes to see me. I have cried everything out. Hit the floor in anger, and tried to break the electric currents that cage me in. My arms have raw burns, that will be scars. Scars to remind me of this place. A constant reminder, or why I am so angry. Evil has a face, I have seen it. Pain is a thing people like me shouldn't have. Pain, anger, sorrow, these are all things we were taught to be without. Yet, here I am, feeling them. Rage, being on the top of that list. On the other hand, I have felt joy and happiness, along with pride and peace. But now that is over. My tears have been shed, and the only thing I have on my mind is revenge. I am in no rush to act out on it. Revenge is best calculated, calm, and cool. They will soon see the animal they have locked in this cage. The monster that has hidden from them. They will see exactly what the pre-war Brotherhood has created, and witness firsthand, that it is not something they should have toyed with. Or left alone.

As I close my eyes, I remember the screams of the children. I remember them from my past, and from when I returned to the Citadel Ruins. I remember the men, climbing over one another, beating each other, grasping for the first chance at freedom they've ever had. Andrew called me the savior of them. The 'special' one. The one to set an example for everyone else. I wonder, as he rots slowly, what he thinks of me now? He would be proud. Once again there is pain, and once again blood will flow like the waters of life. He would be excited, to see my specialized training used for a purpose. It makes my hands tense, and shake. It makes my heart beat faster and faster. It makes my entire body quake with a violent anticipation. I have returned home, once again, to that place in my mind. Home, where the pain of failure is fresh, and there is no room for mercy. They will scream, oh yes, they will scream, but nobody will leave. And I'll ask them, as death is just about to take them, if they can hear the screams of my daughter. If they can imagine the terror that gripped them, as the bomb overtook the sun. And I will let them go.

For a moment, I will let them think they are free. Each one, I will take my time killing. It will be personal. They will know I control their life. That I can take it away and give it back so easily. I want those last moments, or hours, for them to be as painful as possible. I want them to realize that I am not the Devil, but instead, worse. As I told Andrew, I am not the Devil. The Devil is a loser, and he's my bitch. They wanted easy power. Easy manipulation. That does not happen. Not here. You do not take my family, and expect me to submit. I am not submissive. I was trained to be submissive to only one person, and that person has passed. I have been obedient, loyal, and sane for one person. I have kept the anger inside me. I have kept the training quiet. I have been doing it all, for one person. And they took her. They took her, the one constraint against my full power. How stupid of them.

The only reason Dezbe never saw my full power was it was never needed, and it would frighten her. I did not want to scare her, but she is not here to scare. And wherever she is, if she can see me or not, I know she's rooting for me. Egging me on, and reminding me of why I need to unleash the monster inside of me. This cage they keep me in is efficient, but it's temporary. I won't risk dying by walking through the currents, but I will push my body to its limits to escape it. I hope they soon decide to bring me somewhere else, because whatever they have to restrain me, will not be enough. Their strongest men, will not be enough.

I have yet to hear or see Jasper. As I said, nobody comes in, nobody goes out. Caesar has yet to mock my loss since he last saw me holding Jasper by the neck. Regardless, she would be wise, to leave the Capital Wasteland. To put as much distance between her and I as humanly possible, to buy her more time. More life. I will find her. And I will kill her. But it will be painful, and slow. She will not get the swift death my family received. I want her to live in fear, and when she thinks she is safe, and all is well, I will find her. I will torture her, the same way I was tortured for training. Only in the end, I will kill her.

I hear the familiar sound of a door being opened. Turning, I see a figure in the doorway. Female, with dark hair. Jasper. She was not wise, and did not leave town. She should have.

"You…you don't have a lot of time."

She says, rushing in. The bruise around her neck is deep, dark, a reminder. At a control panel, she hits some buttons, and the electric current vanishes. Her feet click against the metal floor, towards me. What is she doing? Does she wish to die now?

"Charon, you have to get out of here."

Without saying anything, I grab her by the neck once more. I know the bruise is sore. I know she is in pain. I lift her with more strength than before, high, and over my head.

"What more could you gain, by freeing me? What game are you playing?"

Her feet kick at the air. Her hands claw at my wrist in a desperate attempt to hurt me, to get me to pity her.

"…You…Your…family…they…alive…"

I stare at her, intent, angry. Letting her go, her body falls and slams against the steel floor. Blood drips down her chin as she coughs. I turn her on her back with my foot, no respect for her. I have nothing but hate and resentment for her.

"You're lying."

I growl, placing my foot on her chest, and applying pressure. She can't breathe, and before she passes out, I lift my foot just enough to allow her air, and press it back down. Her eyes scream at me, a deep green. She pleads with them, to let her speak. I lift my boot enough for her to breathe, but not enough to move.

"You've made a mistake, you never should have freed me."

"I-left-a-note…"

She coughs, and I pick her up by her long black hair. She is undeserving of these looks, of this beauty.

"An apology letter in a locker for me?"

Tears of pain stream down her face. They are nothing compared to the pain I've just felt. Nothing. I will make her suffer. But I will not kill her. Not yet.

"Please…please, they knew about the missile. Please…just put me down…"

I drop her. Not because she asked, but because of her words. My heart races, and I look down at her.

"What did you just say?"

Blood coats her teeth and chin. Unsightly, disgusting.

"I…I left a note! I left it there for Gob to find. I ran away, to here. There's no way they didn't find it, please believe me."

A note? I imagine Gob finding it. I imagine the laughter that ensued after presenting it to Dezbe. My family would not be wise enough to take something like a note seriously.

"That does not mean they listened."

I step on her wrist, and hear the bones crack. She wails in pain, but not loudly. She's trying to hide the fact she's here. Hide the fact that she freed me, and my weapons are in this room.

"I love him…I love him I wouldn't let him die! I realized it too late! It was too late…I couldn't…I couldn't leave. I couldn't forget the Legion. I loved Zack. I love him. I couldn't let him die…"

"So you wanted only to save him, and not my family? Not my _daughter_?"

I pick her up and slam her against the steel wall. She cries, sobbing, tears spilling endlessly.

"I wanted to save everyone!"

"You could have _told_ them!"

"Caesar would have killed me, I did everything I could!"

"You did _nothing_!"

I apply more pressure to her shoulders as I hold her against the wall.

"You. You're the legend. You're Big Iron. I…I wanted to save your family, please, believe me."

"I don't."

"Please…please…if I was lying why would I come back? You will kill me in time, anyways. Why start that sooner? Please believe me…"

I let her drop. She has a point. But there is no evidence saying my family listened. That Dezbe didn't scoff it off. Except…I am not giving them credit. Dezbe is not stupid. She had suspected Jasper from the very beginning, Dizzy, too. Yes. It fits. Perhaps…my family survived. Hope fills me. It fills me enough to soothe the monster, but not enough to quiet him. But enough, to look as Jasper, and understand mistakes. Understand, when someone promises them a good life out here, they will take it. Only later, will they realize their harm. They're too young, to understand where they went wrong. I do not yet forgive her, but for the moment…for the moment she lives.

"Thank you."

I pick her up, and hold her close. She cries against my shirt, as her toes dangle above the steel floor.

"You have to run, please. Run."

"I do not run. Thank you. If my family is alive, you will be spared. If not, I will find you."

I place her down, and she looks up at me.

"If they're dead, I deserve to die. Because I killed someone I was supposed to love. I'll be waiting for you."

Grabbing my shotgun, though I have no intent to use it, I begin to strap it on my back. My family…where would they hide? What would be strong enough to…Vault 101. Yes. Vault 101 would be perfect for them to hide in. It's close to Megaton, Dezbe has full access, and it was made to survive nuclear holocaust of all size. The realization that they may be alive grows. That they survived and are waiting for me. But I cannot simply leave without showing my captors what I think of them. I cannot…depart without killing a few. To send a message.

"This place isn't big. Most of the Legion are above in the city. Some are going to Megaton. They want to retrieve G.E.C.K.s and use them to monopolize the country."

Jasper tells me, her voice scratchy from the abuse. Her wrist swells, broken, and the blood from her mouth slightly thinner. She tells me their plan, knowing that if my family is dead, as is she. I do not soften towards her, I simply admire her in learning about her mistakes. And how to correct them. However, I will take no mercy on her. The monster is simply silenced, not contained.

"I do not care. They will die."

She nods at me, masking the pain she is in. Tears stream down her face, as I fold my arms.

"Are you not going to run?"

I ask her, glaring down with narrowed eyes. Jasper shakes her head.

"No. I'm not scared anymore. I've killed all those people. I don't know who is right, and who is wrong. I feel…I feel…as if I've brought harm, to the only ones who ever cared…"

She sobs, but I offer no comfort.

"You have. When Zack brought you here, he did so to give you a better life."

"Why…why did he have to love me? Why did I do this to them?"

"You are stupid, selfish, spoiled and foolish."

She looks up at me, silently agreeing.

"I'm not going to run from you. I'm going back to Megaton."

"I think you should leave now."

Without another word, Jasper jumps at me. Her arms around my waist, her face pressed into my chest, she sobs into me. I stagger in surprise, but again, offer no comfort.

"Wait, I'm scared…I don't want to go. Don't leave me alone, I'm changed, please…no…I'm…cold. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to die."

"You should have thought of that before you killed an entire town, and possibly, my family."

Jasper lets go of me. She stands in front of me, still crying. I turn my back to her, and leave her to cry. I have nothing left to say, and remember Augustus Autumn. I remember wondering why Dez didn't kill him. I understand now. A life of pain, of knowing the suffering you've caused, is worse than death. Dezbe understood that. And now, I do too. I leave her, as the door closes behind me. As I leave the compound. She deserves the pain. She deserves every terrible thing that will come to her. And if I cannot find Dez or Dizzy, if they have passed, I will be the cause of that pain for Jasper. I swear on my life.

Rising from the underground compound…I see dust. I feel the radiation healing the electrical scars on my arms. I feel it as if I were once again standing in Vault 87. It intoxicates me, and brings me to my knees. The sheer power. The pulsing in my body, my veins, my heart. Everything. It's so powerful, it pains me. It's worse than Vault 87. There is no way Megaton citizens survived this. There is no way, Dezbe and Dizzy could be able to defend themselves in this. I hope they stayed in the vault. I hope they made it there safe. I hope that is where they are, as the radiation forces itself into every pore, and into every breath I take. My enemies launched a weapon filled with radiation, knowing, it makes ghouls stronger. It makes us ten times as more powerful, and forces us to heal faster than before. This strength, this power…mirrors that I felt at the Rotunda. It mirrors the radiation that expelled when Dezbe activated it. I feel stronger than a Behemoth, more powerful than one, and more dangerous.

As I adjust to the radiation, I'm able to stand. It feels…it feels as if my body has transformed. Adjusted to this, and given me the strength I need to do this. The dust has no effect on my vision, on my breathing. The radiation stops it. I am more sensitive to radiation than Dez or Dizzy. They are not fully ghoul, they do not know the power, the energy, that comes with feeding off of a source like this. And it is paired, with looking around at the city, and seeing nothing but dust. Reminding me of the aftermath of the Great War, after John forced me from Vault 101. Yet the bomb was not powerful enough to harm the city. I am only seeing the aftermath. The dust, and feeling the radiation. It was Megaton, that was harmed. My home. It did not reach this far. The news of this will reach Rivet City somehow. They have a small army there, with the guard who protect it. They will join me in finding Legion. Tenpenny Tower will have seen the blast, easily. Roy could view it from his balcony. They too, will feed off the radiation as I am, and aide me. Caesar has begun a war, that he cannot finish. Started something, that only ends for him. There are twice as many ghouls here now as there were before. And we are strong. And I will lead them.

"Hey! How'd you escape?"

I hear a scared voice yell. I hear him, and know he is part of Legion.

"Put your hands up!"

I do as he says, turning to face him. I hide the smirk that tries to force itself over my face. When my eyes fall upon him, I see a scared little boy in a skirt. He steps closer to me, the dust hindering his sight of my shotgun on my back.

"Now tell me. How'd you escape?"

The Legion Frumentarii's voice is shaky, lacking strength and confidence. I take a step towards him, watching his gun rattling in his hands. The radiation empowers me, but I can see, weakens him. His skin looks hot to the touch, sweat drips, and lesions are starting to slowly appear. His life will end on its own, in due time, but I have no patience to wait.

"Stop moving! I'll shoot!"

"So shoot."

I tell him, getting closer. He squeezes the trigger, and the bullet pierces my chest. But the radiation heals me so well, the casing falls to the ground. A small drip of blood, and a torn shirt, is all that's left of his shot. He stares at me, scared.

"You won't be able to heal with a bullet in your brain!"

"That pistol doesn't have the power, to even pierce my skull."

I lower my hands, and stand in front of the soldier. He cowers at my size, eyes wide as saucers.

"You underestimate me, soldier. You peers underestimate me."

"You're…you're not human!"

I grab the front of his uniform, and raise him over my head. I could do this with ease, but with the radiation from the missile aiding me, it's easier than that. Like lifting an empty sack.

"I was, once. I could kill you, with two fingers."

"You wouldn't…you need me! You need me to find the others!"

"I need nobody. Your leader has made that quite clear."

"I'm not my leader! Please! I'll do anything!"

Traitor. Scream all you want, soldier, but your life will not be spared. Grabbing hold of his neck, I squeeze. My fingers clench his tendons, muscles, windpipe. I feel his spine against my knuckles. I feel everything cracking and breaking slowly, and painfully. And before he dies, I drop him. Half alive, inches from death, the soldier looks up at me.

"You would give up your own men to spare your life. Pathetic."

I kick him hard in the stomach, and turn my back. I don't need him to tell me where the rest of the Legion vanished to. I already know. They've gone to see their hard work. Towards Megaton. Probably in suits to avoid this harsh radiation. Well, harsh for them. It's pleasurable for me. I enjoy it. Caesar truly thought his pitiful cage would keep me. He thought he would get away with this. But I'll make sure he doesn't. One can always be too stubborn to die, and that's exactly how I feel. I will not rest, until each Legion is dead. Until each of them feel the pain and suffering that I have felt. Until they have nothing left to lose, and pray for death. And then, I will not give it to them. I will let the lie there, and suffer, until death comes to them.

Making my way into the metro tunnels, the radiation lingers around me. It is in my clothing, skin, veins, everywhere. It does not leave as I escape underground. With each step, I become closer and closer to those who imprisoned me. To those who destroyed the town I spent my life in. I protected that town, the citizens, and my family, for eighteen years. It was everything I could have wanted, and Caesar thinks he can simply take it from me with no consequences? He is mistaken. I'm coming home, and I am not going to rest, until all of them are dead. Nobody, will leave this place, without my permission.

If Dizzy and Dezbe died in the attack, I will quarter them. I will give them the most painful and horrendous death one can imagine. I will ask them, if they can hear her. Hear the cries of my wife and child, as they inch towards death. It brings my blood to a boil, thinking of Dezbe and Dizzy in pain. Screaming, scared, alone and terrified. I wasn't there to protect them. I wasn't there to keep them safe. I can imagine Dizzy crying out for me, calling her father for help and protection, and me, not arriving. I can see Dezbe trying to calm her, while asking where I am in her mind. Wondering, why I chose to let her return without me. I am not the one to blame. I did everything I could. I didn't expect this to be the outcome of my actions.

The sound of Dizzy calling for me refuses to leave. It reminds me of the children screaming beneath the Citadel Ruins. Once again, there is pain. There is revenge, for these events. There will be blood, and it will not be my own. As I clench and unclench my fists, I reach for a cigarette. As I light it, I hear a second set of footsteps. Rapid, loud, becoming louder. I stand and watch the far end of the tunnel, waiting. Word may have gotten out about my escape. I'm not sure what forms of communication they use. It could be a simple survivor. Someone finding solace underground. Someone, wise enough to realize that. I wait, silent, my cigarette burning between my lips. The person runs, closer and closer. Soon, I see them, and time moves slow. My cigarette drips from my mouth, and bounces on the ground as I swiftly move my feet. As I run towards her, I feel relief, hope, all of it wash over me. Everything.

"Dezbe!"

I yell, and she looks up from running. She stops, a few feet from me, staring at me in disbelief. Her face is coated with dust, but clear lines on her cheeks tell me she was recently crying. I feel my eyes water. I stare at her, losing control, and letting myself cry this time, out of happiness.

"Dez…"

I say, as she runs and leaps into my arms. She wraps her legs around my waist, crying into my neck. I bury my face in her thick hair. Kissing her cheek, holding her. With her in my arms, with the wave of relief and emotions, knowing if she is safe, Dizzy is safe, I realize…I can't handle losing them. I almost lost myself in the rage, in the pain. I almost forgot who I became, for this woman.

"You're okay…you're okay…"

She sobs, her arms gripping around my neck tight and tighter as she sobs and shakes.

"I was so worried…I didn't think you came out of Anchorage…I thought I'd lost you."

"I'm here, Dezbe. I'm safe. Everything is going to be okay. Everything will be alright. I'm sorry for making you leave. I'm sorry…"

She kisses up and down my neck, leaving tears behind. I feel her heart beating through her armor. Her arms shake, and I'm careful as I hold her to not crush her with my strength.

"I'm so happy you're okay. I thought…I thought the bomb hit the city. That they killed you…"

Everything went wrong when I told her to leave. Everything. I didn't intend for this to happen. But it can be fixed. Everything now, can be fixed and improved. I have my family, they're safe. I have a purpose. I can do my best, although it won't be much. I hold Dezbe, my fingers touching her, causing me to feel again. Feel joy and happiness. It all went wrong, but I can fix it. I can make it up to my family, and stand before Caesar and fix it. Fix everything.

"No, no. I'm safe. Dezbe I told you I would be fine…you need to trust me."

"When a bomb hits Megaton do you really think common sense is a factor!"

She yells, even more upset and sobbing harder.

"No, I suppose not. But we've done this before."

"Not this! Not this…nothing like this."

I place her down, and cup her face in my hands. We're both crying, and the dust smears across her face, making her look muddy.

"Caesar is one man. He is one man, controlling many. We have done this with Enclave, and both Brotherhood factions. He is no different. He is one man, and one man is easily killed. He believes you to be dead. He thinks I am crippled and weak. We have done this before, and we can do it now."

"But the children…"

"Are they safe?"

She turns serious, and I let her go. She folds her arms angrily over her chest, and lights a cigarette.

"They came along."

"What? Why did you bring them?"

"I didn't. They followed me. And you know I don't think you're striking the proper tone about this whole thing. They left Gob and Zack and followed me and _they don't think I can't hear them behind me!_"

Dez yells down the corridor. My heart fills as I see two shadows emerge and come into the dim light. It's my daughter. My daughter is safe.

"Dizzy!"

I call, and her laughter echoes down the tunnel.

"Dad! Dad! You're okay! Daddy you're safe!"

She runs to me, and jumps into my arms. I spin her a bit, like I once did when she was younger, and she laughs and laughs, as if she is a child again.

"I was so worried about you, dad."

"I'm so happy you're alive…"

Putting her down, I hold her close. Dezbe comes over, and I wrap them both into my arms, crying. Cain stands in the background, smiling, and I couldn't be more proud of him. Keeping Dizzy safe for me.

"Dad! You're crying…"

I shake my head, holding Dez and Dizzy close to me, not wanting to let them go.

"It's okay. They're joyful tears. It's all alright."

"Charon, you're not striking the tone here. They _snuck out_ and deliberately disobeyed me!"

I look at Dezbe and smile widely.

"You're trying so hard to pick a fight, but I'm just so happy you're both alive."

Dezbe sighs, and I squeeze my girls once more before letting them go. Dizzy beams up at me, proud of herself.

"Let's go get those Legion dicks!"

I give Dizzy a look and she still smiles at me. I have to smile back. Dezbe stands next to me, looking stubborn and angry. I smile at her, too.

"They're going to be heading towards Megaton. Our best bet would be to double back and ambush them."

I tell them, and Dezbe shakes her head.

"Charon, we don't know how many there are. There could be a handful, there could be more."

"We can take them."

"You're optimistic…what happened?"

Before I can answer her, a female voice calls out from the top of the steps.

"He thought he lost his family."

Everyone looks towards the voice. Jasper stands, cradling her wrist, and the bruise around her throat still prominent.

"_You_!"

Dezbe hisses, and I hold her back with my hand.

"What do you want?"

I ask Jasper, narrowing my eyes.

"Nothing. I told you. I'm going back to Megaton."

"Over my dead body!"

Dezbe yells, and I lean down to talk to her.

"She helped me escape."

Angrily, Dez pulls away from me, and points to herself.

"No, that's what _I_ was trying to do! Who the hell does she think she is? She did all this, then decides to _help_ you? Bullshit! Bull fucking shit!"

Silence falls over everyone. Dezbe stares at me, anger and resentment shooting from her eyes. All I can do though, is laugh.

"This is not funny!"

"I'm just happy to have you alive and well, and just like you used to be."

Dezbe tries so hard to remain angry. But it doesn't work. I've never been happier in my entire life, I've never felt so sure of something before. She tries, to be mad, as Jasper walks past us, but I can see the smile in her eyes. I can see, she's just as happy as I am.


	29. Little Baby, Our Young Lady

(Dezbe)

Charon thinks this is all fun and games. He smiles to himself as we make our way back into the underground bunker. Dizzy is overly excited, talking to Cain in a loud whisper about how much Legion ass they're going to kick. I'm relieved to know Charon is okay, my place is beside him and we're forever together and all that bullshit. But there's an undertone. There isn't only the Legion to worry about, and there's a lot more at stake than Megaton.

You see out here we're resourceful. We know how to build up from nothing, I mean, you have to living out here. I didn't know how to at first, but learned fast. It isn't Megaton, or the surviving citizens I'm worried about. It's Dizzy. Gob and Zack have everything in order back home. They know what to do, and how to act. They won't panic. Charon and I have the hold over here with Caesar and his Legion. Dizzy and Cain…they're along for the ride. I've sheltered them. Charon, and I, have sheltered them, from the sufferings of the Wasteland. Rightfully so, we didn't want them to lead the same life that we had. And also, because we've been concerned, worried, and secretive.

Charon and I didn't shelter Dizzy, or train her, because she's a girl. It's because she's more special than she knows. More special, and more in danger, than Charon and I have let her know. We felt that by keeping her close, in Megaton, in the Capital Wasteland, we could keep her safe. That she'd never have to be put through what we did, and suffer. And that her trigger would be left alone. That nothing would spark it. I was okay with her going to New Vegas, because it's lawful there. I didn't think she'd get into so much trouble. I forgot for a moment, that she is my daughter, and trouble follows us like a curse.

"I need to speak with you."

I say to Charon in a hushed and hasty voice. Charon looks at me, still beaming with joy over us being alive, and catches the serious look in my eye. When your only child is in danger, everyone else, and the world, can be put on hold. He turns around to see the kids, and comes up with a halfway decent lie.

"We're going to investigate the operations room. You and Cain stay here and keep watch. Do not let anyone follow us. We'll be back."

Cain and Dizzy don't argue. They nod their heads, Dizzy more eager to please than Cain. There is no such thing as an 'operations room'. At least, not that I know of. But it gets us away from them, and behind a steel door. This place reminds me of a decrepit vault. One destined to fail, like so many did. It gives me shudders, and I feel cold, even though I know above ground there's radiation, and heat to spare. Radiation warms you from the inside out, like that hot drink they'd give us in the vault on special occasions. Sun heat warms you, but radiation…it's a sensation only the lucky can feel, I think.

"What is it?"

Charon asks, taking his gun off of his back and quietly setting it down. We talk in hushed voices, in case they can hear. I trust my child, and I trust Cain, but I cannot bring myself to share this with them. I've hidden it for so long, I feel as if all my parenting was wrong. That in trying to protect my daughter, I've just put her in more danger. A danger she doesn't know about.

"If Dizzy…if she fights alongside us, it may be the trigger. It may…cause what we've tried to prevent."

Charon is silent, as if he's forgotten the entire thing. But I know he hasn't. I know as I stand across from him, the steel walls closing in on me, the air becoming tighter and tighter, that he's just thinking.

"Legion may not be strong in numbers after this, Dezbe. The radiation will have cut them by more than half. It should be no worse than a Raider battle."

"You may be right, but Charon, Dizzy expects it to be a war. Haven't you heard of the placebo effect? What then?"

He sighs deeply, blinking, and looking at the ground. Shaking his head, his shoulders drop. Maybe he had forgotten, and for a while he was happy in knowing we were alive. I feel bad for ruining his momentary joy, only to remind him of this.

"We have to help her through it. There's nothing more we can do. We can try to protect her from it, but you are right. We may be unable to."

A stiff silence falls on us. It's uncomfortable, and I feel like the walls close in more and more around me. Here's the thing: Dizzy was never meant to be born. Of course she knows that, everyone does. She's the product of a pill Doc Barrows cooked up in the basement of Rivet City. But, there's a reason, people like Charon and I shouldn't have children. A reason ghouls cannot procreate even with humans. With other ghouls, it's fine, but with a human, it causes…mutations. Sometimes for good, sometimes for bad, and sometimes…like Dizzy, we don't know.

Charon turned at the peak of his physical and mental fitness. It's like he's frozen in time. Three-hundred something with the body of a twenty-something-year-old. His body does not gain weight, and he's constantly burning off calories. If he wanted to let himself go, it would take a lot of time and effort. Aside from your skin falling off, when you turn ghoul, whatever body you have you're stuck with. Explaining it like Barrows did to me, like I was a five-year-old, it's similar to freezing. You're frozen in place. Your body will not change. Immortality, at a cost. Most ghouls deal with it, or become feral. But then again, most ghouls, were not Charon. Only Charon, is Charon, and this is why he's different.

His training caused him to be tolerant of most biological warfare. He's resistant to great amounts of radiation. For him to turn, it took a lot. A whole lot. A lot more than a normal irradiated puddle would be. It was dumb luck that Ahzrukhal's little plan worked. Mainly because the bombs that fell were…modified. Like super radiation. Charon took a year to look as he does now, while most took days. Some are still decaying, but not Charon. Not only is this due in part of his training and resilience, but also because of his abnormally strong immune system. They pump you full of every disease known to man in that facility he was in. Then, tell you to fight through it. His muscles were torn, and rebuilt, only to be torn again. He's strong, and being a ghoul enhanced that. So think of Charon is some freak-super-ghoul with freak-super-ghoul-powers. Following? Good.

Now there's me. I carry the ghoul gene, like Zack. _But_! I was not born a ghoul. Zack is hundreds of times weaker than me. I'm stronger, more resilient, and it's easier for me to heal on smaller amounts of radiation. I was made, and mistakenly so. The amount I was exposed to was enough to turn me into a ghoul, and then kill me shortly after. But the Brotherhood saved me. With the technology, they got me to wake up, but they didn't save me. No, it was me who did that. At least, that's the only thing I can think of. That I am too stubborn to die, or become a ghoul. So I did neither, and took the best of both. But with my 'miracle case' and Charon being either a scientific marvel or some sort of abomination, you get a really fucked up kid. You get Dizzy.

Doc Barrows took blood from her as a child. She's always given him blood, but always assumed it was for regular tests, since Zack does the same. Any child born to a ghoul and a human parent gets the tests done. But Dizzy gets special tests. There's an abnormality in her blood. We don't know much of it, but Barrows says it's something to change her. It can be in a good way, or a bad way. He knows that it's from Charon, and that it's definitely abnormal. Because I am a human, with human genes, only _slightly _modified. Charon has _completely_ modified genes. His underwent an entire transformation. All ghouls do when they turn, which is why they're hardly ever sick. But Charon was also stronger than before. In our own senses, respectively, they've improved our lives. You'd think in Dizzy's case, her life would be doubly improved. It's not like that, though.

Dizzy's body may not be strong enough to handle it. Barrows claims the trigger would more than likely be extreme stress. If she were in a severe situation, similar to the one we're in now. One she's never been placed in. If that is true, she could be set off for a drastic change very soon. I can't tell you what will happen, since nobody knows. She wasn't strong enough growing up to handle it, or we would have forced it. Now…she's only a bit stronger. Barrows anticipates that Dizzy won't ever be strong enough, unless she was put through the same training Charon was. You can see why we chose to hide the triggers, rather than put her through that. Thing is, we can't hide them anymore. She could very easily die from this. We don't know what exactly will happen, or if we should be this worried. But we are her parents. We do whatever we can to keep her safe. Only this time, we can't.

"She's my baby."

I tell him, whispering and fighting off tears. Charon, usually pessimistic, doesn't want to see the negative in this. He wants to only see positive. I understand why, and any other day I'd be totally on board. But right now, after…after everything…I just can't.

"It may not even happen. It may not even harm her. We are simply putting all of our eggs into one basket. We cannot do that."

"Eggs?"

"Never mind. Come on, Dez. We can't keep them waiting."

"Let them rest. Let them…just rest. Megaton is reduced to nothing right now, and Caesar won't find the G.E.C.K. Everyone is either dead or hiding, Charon. Just…for a minute, stop."

He stares at me, and I stare at him.

"If we leave without telling them, they will follow. They will be sitting ducks."

"Can we stop with the use of pre-war idioms? Because I don't know what the hell a 'duck' is."

"It means they'll be easy targets. You and I both know that much. They follow us, or they die."

"We lose Dizzy, we're going to lose Cain…maybe they could go back to Megaton? Help out Gob?"

Charon shakes his head.

"If Legion is there already, then we're risking their lives…again. It is best for them to come with us."

I know he's right, but I just don't want to admit it. Time is running out, though. If I could, I would freeze time right here in this tight and stuffy room. I'd do whatever I could to protect my family. Even though I know, there comes a point, where I can't protect them anymore. Dizzy is a woman now, a young woman. She will always be my baby to me, but I have to treat her like an adult. I have to hope for the best, and prepare for war. Hopefully, Charon understands that, too.

Watching him, I don't think he does though. He wants to protect Dizzy, above all else. That's his daughter, his little girl, and although she's not little anymore, to him, she's always going to be. Fathers…are like that. I learned it too late with mine. Maybe, that's why I don't get on Charon's ass about how he babies Dizzy. I mean I do, but not as much as I could. I like watching my daughter have the father I didn't, and unlike me, Dizzy accepts her father for who he is. She loves him more than life itself. He's her hero, and he's going to play that role until the day he dies. Looking into his eyes, I realize Charon isn't going to listen to my advice, or his own logic.

"Come on."

He says, leading me from the room. My heart pounds with adrenaline, because I'm scared. Scared of what may happen to my child. I don't care for Legion, for Caesar, for any of those fools. I already know we're going to kill them, and we're going to outlive this radiation, no matter how good it feels. When it's over, we're going to rebuild Megaton, and in time, resume life. That's the pattern, that's how it always goes. But if Dizzy sees this fight, and survives…I want nothing more than for her to leave this place.

In my mind, I make the choice that if she lives, I'll tell her to stay far away from here. Because if Legion knows about the G.E.C.K, then more likely than not, other gang members and groups of organized crime do as well. I want her to stay far away from here. From Megaton. From the Capital Wasteland. From all of us. Trouble follows this family like a curse, but maybe, if she gets far enough away, she can be spared.

Walking back into the room where Dizzy and Cain wait, I notice instantly the two of them sitting on the floor, using one another as pillows, and sleeping.

"Let's not wake them."

Charon whispers. I say nothing, staring at my child, and at the man that I raised since he was six. Tears come to my eyes, as I remember when Dizzy questioned morality. When…she was so innocent then. So young, a child. There was a raid in Megaton. Dizzy had never seen anything like it before. After it was done, and I was washing the blood from both myself and Charon, she stood on the stairs, and asked if we were evil. Charon and I looked at her, and she saw us kill all those people. That only evil people killed other people. It was the first time Dizzy ever questioned right from wrong, and told us she didn't know the difference anymore. For a time after that, she didn't come to me or Charon. She strayed from us, and would sit alone, just thinking. She was different from the other kids after that. She would sit and think, and spent her time alone. She began to think and talk like an adult. Yet…she never wanted to be alone. She was always near us, but far enough to where she seemed distant. I suppose she was scared of us, but knew that we were her parents and loved her. She didn't have anywhere else to go, anyways.

"They'll wake and find us, Charon."

"Hopefully by then this will be over. They've been up for a few days. They could sleep for just as long."

No. Not my daughter. I don't share this with Charon, but instead allow him to take the lead out of the facility. When I know he can't see me, I look at Dizzy, and I tell her what I used to tell her growing up.

"You're different, Dizzy. But you're not alone. I love you."

I don't want to turn my back on her. I don't want to leave her here, alone. But I have to. When she wakes up, she's going to be angry at first, and then worried. Soon after, she'll come looking for us. I can only hope by then, this fight is over, and things are just slightly better.


	30. Here to Do Some Business

(Dizzy)

In my dream, I hear someone talking to me. They're coming from far away, and have this beautiful voice. Like something I've never heard before. So smooth, and loving, and calm. I don't feel scared, or alone, or anything. Instead I feel warm, and like I'm surrounded by people who love me. The voice is a woman's, and she tells me to wake up. That my mother and father need me. Finally I see a face to the woman. She's dark-skinned, with hair pulled back tightly. She doesn't come close to me, but just tells me to wake up, that I have to go and discover the truth about myself. I'm not sure what she means by that, but I listen to her. I open my eyes.

It takes a bit for everything to come into focus. At first, I want to panic, but then the recent events start coming back to me, and I feel Cain beside me.

"Cain…"

I grumble, feeling more exhausted than I've ever felt in my life. My entire body aches, and I'd kill to go back to sleep. But I know I can't.

"Mom? Dad?"

I call as Cain starts to wake alongside me. Looking around, I remember I'm in the underground base dad was in. But I can't find my parents anywhere. For a quick minute, I think they've gotten captured. Then I realize if they did, their kidnappers would have taken us, too. No, we haven't been kidnapped. They left us here. And just like that, I go from tired, to extremely angry.

"Cain! Cain! They fucking left us here!"

I jump up and start to pace around the room, calling to my parents. But nobody answers, and my anger just rises. Cain sits up, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Probably because they don't want us following, Diz."

He says, groggy and stretching.

"Bullshit! Bull fucking shit! Why the hell do they insist on treating me like a kid? I can do this! Wake up, we have to go!"

I can tell Cain doesn't want to move, but I don't care. I'm too angry to care. How could my parents do this to me? They trusted me to go off to New Vegas, but they don't trust me to do this? It's not even a lot of people! I mean, with the radiation so thick, it's not like it hasn't killed a lot of people. Like, a hundred, or something. I don't know! Fuck numbers. They're useless. But still, why don't they think I can handle this? It isn't like…it isn't like the fate of the world depends on them. And it isn't like I can totally die out there. I mean, the radiation! It's _everywhere_! Why? Why would they just…go like this?

"Alright, alright…"

"You're acting like this is no big deal! It _is_ a big deal!"

Cain stands up and grabs his gun. Shaking his head, he stares and me, and sighs.

"Dizzy, they have it under control. There's probably a very good reason as to why they left. It isn't like they haven't fought people before."

"You don't get it. I wanted to go with them. I wanted us to all be there, and be all badass."

He shakes his head at me as we start to head towards the tunnels and upper entrances.

"This isn't some wild fantasy, Dizzy. We're talking about our lives here."

"With all that radiation, you know as well as I that if anyone got shot we'd be insta-healed."

Cain shakes his head again and tries not to pick a fight.

"Well, we'll go find them. We don't know how long we've been asleep for. Maybe this whole thing is good and done. We can start rebuilding our home."

I had almost forgotten about that. I don't know how I could, but I guess I just forget the bigger picture sometimes. A lot. Look, I'm just really upset that my parents up and left me here. I thought they trusted me, and all that shit. I mean, I did follow mom here against her orders, but still. It wasn't like I did it to piss her off. I did it because I want them to know I'm finally adult enough to handle things like this. Cain's right, though. We don't know how long we've been asleep, and we have no idea if Caesar is even still alive. Dad and mom are perfectly capable of handling this on their own, I don't doubt that, but I wanted to help. I wanted to make it up to mom for being so scared before. I wanted to show them that I could be brave, too.

"Think everyone is okay?"

I ask him as we start getting closer and closer to the surface. This place is big, but not too big to where we can't easily find our way out. After that, it's just the long haul back to what once was Megaton.

"I can't say. I mean, maybe. I know Gob, Zack, Charon and Dezbe will be alright. Can't speak for anyone else, though."

"…What about Jackie?"

I only just remember dad didn't kill her. That the last time I saw her, dad let her walk right on past. She looked like she had been beaten black and blue. Which she was, I bet, by dad. A big bruise around her neck, a broken-looking wrist, and blood was coming out of the corner of her mouth. I hate her for what she did. In fact, if it wasn't for her, none of this would have happened. As I think of it more, though, I realize all of us kind of played a small role in it. Had I not wanted to go to New Vegas, if we didn't take over Gomorrah, and if we'd just let Zack go home when he first started getting homesick. Everyone played a small part, so there's no real blame to go around. I guess in situations like this, there really is nobody to blame. There's just living with the consequences.

"Dad didn't kill her."

I state, hoping he remembers so I don't have to explain it.

"Yeah, forgot about that. Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know. Dad wasn't sleeping with her, was he? I mean, she was oddly interested in him…"

It would make sense. You know, Jasper trying to seduce my father, and my father being the loyal man he is, denying her and having to beat the living piss out of her until she relented. It makes sense in my head, anyways.

"No…I don't think Charon would do that, Dizzy…"

"Then why let her live? After everything she's done? He knows firsthand and dad isn't one to just let someone like her walk away."

"Maybe she helped him. Maybe those bruises weren't from him."

I don't say anything, even though I know Cain is wrong. Don't ask me how, because I don't know how, but I just know dad was the one who did it to her. But to let her live? To let her go, after she betrayed Zack, and everyone in Megaton? That's insane. I don't know what he was thinking. Just like I have no idea what he was thinking when he and mom left me here. They didn't even leave a note.

"Don't get worked up about it, alright?"

Cain says to me as if he's Mr. Reassurance. He's not, and receives a glare from me. I'm not angry about them leaving me, alright? I would have been fine if they had asked me to stay behind. It wouldn't have mattered to me. I mean I want to fight alongside them, but if they had just _asked_ me to stay, I would have. Thing is, they didn't ask. They didn't even bother to wake me up when they left. They just tip-toed out without so much as a goodbye wave, as far as I know. I'm an adult now. I want them to treat me like one. But they still see me as a child, and treat me like one. If mom had her way, which she has my entire life, she wouldn't have even let me go to New Vegas.

As Cain and I walk and walk in silence, I find myself getting angrier and angrier. Mom has always, _always_ forbidden me from doing anything. I remember it more and more clearly which each step I take. Wanting to train with dad and Cain was outlawed instantly. I was never allowed to go. I was never allowed to play too rough. Never allowed so far away from Megaton. And always, mom would school me. Teach me about sciences I didn't care about, medicines I didn't need to know about, and technology long forgotten about. She always just assumed Cain would be there to take care of me. In fact, when _dad_, not mom, dad, gave me my first gun she was really adamant on me not having it. Told him I was too young, that I wasn't ready. But when am I ready? Even now, she doesn't listen, she doesn't trust me. She just…assumes and thinks I'm still a kid. Well, I'm not anymore. I'm an adult. I don't know why mom did all she did. She says she never wanted me to live the same life she did, that she wanted as much normality for me as possible. Out here though, it's _normal_ to shoot and fight. It's normal to go off and come home. I mean, Zack did it! Twice! Why am I treated like an incurable disease?

"You're muttering."

Cain says, and I look over at him as we begin the ascent out of the tunnels.

"I don't mutter."

"You do when something's bothering you."

As we reach the outside, I notice the radiation has only dwindled a small bit. We couldn't have been asleep for long. The sky is still covered with a thick layer of dust, and the heat from the radiation tickles and warms my skin. For a minute, I worry about what this could do to the environment of the Capital Wasteland. Mom and dad fought long and hard to get the G.E.C.K and turn this land into something to be proud of. Now, it might be all for nothing. If this radiation lasts much longer, it could destroy everything, if the bomb didn't already. Which I feel it did.

"Nothing is bothering me."

I tell Cain, looking upwards and trying to prevent getting dust in my eyes. I hear him sigh, then cough. It's hard to breathe out here, but with the radiation helping me, the dust doesn't much affect anything negatively. Cain is just simply unaffected, it seems, though I can tell the radiation in the air brings him a lot of discomfort.

"We have a long walk ahead of us. Might as well fill me in."

"My parents treat me like a child, even after I've gone to New Vegas and come back. They think they can just…get away with this behavior."

I want to stay mad, I really do. But as I walk, and take in the atmosphere and environment, it gets harder and harder to. I'm not worried about dad this time around out here, and my mind is a bit clearer, and I can take in the extent of this damage more thoroughly.

"They do what they do, because they love you Dizzy."

Hearing that just makes all logic and reason leave my mind and I get really, really, mad. Maybe it's not the time or place for me to be mad over this, but I am. Maybe because deep down, I'm kind of worried as to what Cain and I will find when we get back to Megaton. But I don't admit that. Not even to myself. It suddenly dawns on me, that Cain and I are walking alone, in a thick dust, and our enemies could be all around us. For good measure, I pull out my gun.

"If they cared, then why did mom prevent me from training with you? Why did I never get to share in what you got to do? Why does she continue to treat me like a child?"

Cain looks at me through the dust, shaking his head.

"Because you're their _only_ daughter. It's just right for them to worry."

I hear Cain, but I'm not paying attention to him. Things seem…different out here. I mean, more different than how they were when we left the vault, that is. Like there's a stiffness, a silence. Something I can't quite put my finger on. I know we're not being followed, because in this thickness, it'd be near impossible.

"Diz, what's got you so distracted?"

I shake my head and light a cigarette. As the spark flies from my lighter, a flame goes into the air, and small bursts pop all around. It scares me, while reminding me of the glowing things I saw. My heart pounds, as I watch the flame dance around, jumping from…radiation. The lit cigarette in my hand sparkles and spits small sparks to the ground.

"…Radiation…is flammable?"

I ask Cain as he stares at the cigarette in my hand.

"Apparently, whatever was in the bomb was. Radiation can vary in chemicals. Charon said the city burned for weeks, if not months, after the bombs fell. This must have been why."

"Someone lit a cigarette?"

"No. The radiation used in the bomb was highly flammable. As is this stuff."

And then it clicks in my head.

"You can't fire a weapon out here, Cain. Gunpowder, a spark…"

"The only gun capable of setting anything off would be…Charon's…"

My dad has the most powerful gun anyone around here has seen. A small spark from a gun wouldn't be enough, hopefully, to ignite the sky into a big ball of mass burning gas. But if dad shoots his gun, it could be. Cain sees the worry on my face as I put out the cigarette and the realization hits me.

"No. If that was the case the lighter would have set off the entire sky. I don't think this is really that powerful. Just enough to level a small town, is all."

I say it casually, trying to comfort my mind. But deep down I know it isn't true. Something tells me it's not. Cain nods at me, and we continue walking in silence. I'm not even sure if we're going in the right direction. The Capital Wasteland is dense with dust, and the radiation would have killed anyone out here who wasn't immune to it, no doubt there.

It hits me all at once, and I feel sad. Depressed, really. All my life I've known Megaton and the Capital Wasteland to be this amazing place. This place where miracles can happen, where there's green grass and fresh water and all those things. Would the bomb affect the water? Would it contaminate it to the point where we'd no longer have that? Without fresh water, nothing would ever grow here. Ever. And I don't think there's technology available to purify it again. I mean, maybe there is but, I've never seen it. Mom does mention the Jefferson Memorial sometimes, but I can' t be sure what she means by that.

"Dizzy, you hear that?"

I stop thinking so loudly and tune into Cain. He puts his hand out to stop me from walking past him. Guess I was really deep into my thought process. Looking around, I don't see anything, except dust and dust and oh, some more dust.

"I didn't hear anything."

Then again I hardly heard him ask the question. Suddenly, though, I do hear something. It sends a shudder down my spine. It sounds like a low, guttural growl, resembling that of a Super Mutant. Instantly, Cain and I reach for our guns, looking everywhere we can, hoping to see something other than the irradiated dust in the air.

"What is that?"

I say, confused and feeling my heart beating in my chest.

"Mutant!"

Cain yells, and I see coming through the dust, a large, yellow Super Mutant. I hear Cain cock his gun back, and then…the mutant raises his hands. He puts them over his face, and closes his eyes.

"Wait!"

I yell, smacking Cain's gun from his hands. I don't know what came over me right then and there, I can't explain it. I just know not to shoot him. That for some reason, it would be really bad if we did, and I don't think it has anything to do with the radiation floating all around us.

"Dizzy! What the hell!"

"Don't shoot! Look!"

Cain looks and sees the Super Mutant cowering with his hands over his head. It's almost as if he's scared. When there's no gunshot, or gunblast, the mutant slowly opens his eyes and cautiously takes his hands away. Blinking, he looks at us. I swear, for a minute, I saw a tear in his eye.

"…Thank you…humans…"

I think hearing him actually speak surprised me more than seeing him cower. Cain and I stare at him, jaws dropped, in utter shock. This giant, excuse me _huge_, Super Mutant, doesn't have a gun and is _thanking us_ for _not_ shooting him? Did the bomb change the place this much? Did it give Super Mutants some sort of…advantage? Did it make them not malicious and super big killing machines? I have no fucking idea.

"He talked! He just fucking talked!"

I say, pointing to him and staring at Cain, who nods slowly in response. The Super Mutant growls a bit, and it jolts me to look at him. He's not attacking, which is good, but I can't fully trust him. Or…can I?

"You…are going someplace…human? It is…dangerous out for…your kind…"

My kind? Human? Confusion takes place of fear, and I holster my gun. Megaton, my parents, Legion, they all ring loudly in my head, and I'm just wasting time talking to a Super Mutant. Who may be a figment of my imagination. It's completely plausible. I mean, what if the radiation is bad, and poisoned me? What if this is all a dream? I see that as completely and utterly reasonable.

"No, no, not me. I uh, I'm immune to it. We're going to Megaton."

The mutant blinks at me, slowly, and looks in the direction we're walking. He seems to grind his teeth together, as Cain steps closer to me, protective.

"Yes. I felt the…blast. Something…has happened…and I must help…"

"Help…who?"

I can tell Cain is racking his brain, trying to remember something that isn't there. The mutant starts to walk, and motions for us to follow. It reminds me of something my mother said once. That if we're both walking in the same direction, we might as well walk together.

"…My name…is Fawkes. I once made a friend…she lives in Megaton now…and I hope she is okay…I have come…from my home….to help her as she once helped me…"

It sounds like it hurts him to talk. Before I can say anything, Cain asks.

"He name, it's Dezbe, isn't it?"

Just what I was thinking. Fawkes looks at Cain and I, nodding, baring his teeth. The sledgehammer on his back scares me, but I don't feel…like I'm in danger, if that makes any sense.

"Yes. You…know her?"

He sounds worried, and I nod my head.

"She's my mum."

Fawkes stops and grabs me in his arms. Cain grabs his gun, as Fawkes lifts me from the ground. I'm too shocked to tell Cain not to worry. He doesn't shoot, and eventually lowers his weapon, when he realizes that Fawkes isn't going to hurt me. In fact, after the surprise wears off, I feel completely safe. If he wanted to kill us, he would have.

"You…your father…his eyes…"

"Yeah, I have my father's eyes. Do you know him?"

"I do. I met…him and…helped him save your mother…from bad people…"

It still surprises me, how many people my parents met. It surprises me more, that in this giant land, and in this situation, how I can run into them. Even though I've only met Fawkes, I have a feeling he's not the only one coming to help.

"How did you know where they were?"

Fawkes sets me down, and we continue to walk. Cain remains silent, looking around cautiously. But there's nothing to look around for, the dust is too thick.

"The ghouls…from Tenpenny Tower…they told me. They are…also going to see…if your mother needs help…"

Mom had told me about Tenpenny Tower. It's less than a days' walk from Megaton, but I've never gone. She said she had friends there, that she once stayed there. Gob and Zack lived there, and so didn't dad. I'm not sure how many ghouls live there exactly, but I do now that they're all on my parents' side. And the surprise of how many people she's helped hits me again.

"…Wow. Mom and dad…really helped a lot of people."

"Yes."

I look over at Cain, and he nods his head.

"It makes sense. They did a lot for this land. Something terrible has happened, and it's only natural everyone comes together to help."

"So many people, though…"

"Yeah. Looks like our time spent in New Vegas was small business compared to them. Even still."

"You…should be proud…of your parents."

Fawkes says, but it doesn't help. I'm still mad about what they've done, about how they left me and Cain behind. I want to be happy, and proud, and feel like everything is going to be okay. But something is nagging at me. Something is telling me, that despite my urge to fight alongside them, for the land that I've only known, to turn back. To go back and sleep, and when I wake up, everything will be okay.

"There are…people coming…from a far away land…they heard of the destruction…they are making their way here…as we speak…"

"The Pitt?"

Cain asks Fawkes, and he nods.

"Yes. There. A small army…is gathering…to aid your parents to rebuild. An…army…of ghouls…humans…"

"And a mutant."

I chime in, soft and lost in thought. In the dust, Cain's hand finds mine.

"Yes…I am the only one…of my kind. I have…been weak…but the radiation…it helps me. I feel…stronger…younger. Are you…safe out here?"

He asks me, showing genuine worry and concern for me. I guess by proxy, he has to worry about me.

"I'm immune to it, I said. My mom and dad are. It's inherited."

"Your…father is a…frightening man. Why…are you not…alongside them?"

"They left me behind…I have no idea why."

"To…keep you safe…your father…was not a man to fight with. When…I met him…he put his life…in the line of fire…to protect the one…he had not yet…admitted to loving."

Fawkes knew my parents, before they even got together? My ears perk up, and I look at him with surprise and childish eagerness. I squeeze Cain's hand in excitement.

"You knew my parents before they were together?"

Gob is the only one I know who knew that. I mean, Barrows and Graves aside. Really I only see them for medical stuff, and it's weird to ask them questions. But meeting someone new, a Super Mutant, I feel like there's a lot more to it. The same story, but so many different sides. It's…it kind of makes me see things differently. But I'm not sure how, exactly. Maybe, I just want to take my mind off of everything.

"Yes. They were…close…yet…distant…I had never seen such…love from afar."

Knowing both of my parents to be stubborn and hot headed, it makes me smile a bit to hear that they were both not admitting anything. I can see why it would be hard for dad to feel anything, but mom? She was just being a bitch.

"We're walking into a war, and you two are talking about other peoples' lives…"

Cain sighs, and Fawkes laughs. I mean, as best a laugh as he can anyways.

"You…sound like her father."

Fawkes looks over at Cain, studying him. When this is all cooled down, I have to ask how Fawkes learned to talk. I mean, Super Mutants can talk, but Fawkes is far more advanced. It's like he's a human, stuck in a mutant's body.

"Cain is a lot like my dad."

"Had…I met your father…before he changed…you both would look…the same."

Not many people really guess it that spot-on. Usually they look at dad and Cain, and give them a confused look. At first they think they're father and son, which is normal, but then once they realize they're not, it's just more confusion and strange looks.

"He's a clone."

I never told anyone so easily before. Hell, I don't think I've ever told anyone, period. It's never just come out that easily before. Maybe, around mom's friends, the ones she's helped and the ones who knew my parents even before I was an idea or a thought, it's easier. Because there's nothing I can say, to make them think differently about my parents, or me.

"We…are nearing…Megaton."

Fawkes doesn't even say anything about Cain being a clone. I guess to him, it doesn't matter much. I don't know how he knows we're nearing Megaton, but he seems so sure, so I take out my gun. Cain does the same, and in the distance, we hear the chatter of voices. The three of us stop in our tracks, and hold our breaths.

It's not ghouls, or my parents. It's Legion.

"Surrender now. Give us the G.E.C.K, and we won't kill you."

Caesar. I know that voice, and feel my heart pumping in my chest.

"You've destroyed it! You've destroyed everything! You're lucky I don't gut you now!"

Mom. But why isn't mom shooting? Slowly, quietly, we step closer and closer, until the dust clears, and we can see the scene before us. My eyes widen, as I see my parents, surrounded. They have their weapons, but the Legions in strange suits surround them to where if they were to shoot, they'd be shot.

"You can't. Admit it. We've defeated you. We've done something, that nobody before us could. Give us the G.E.C.K, and once again, we won't kill you."

I realize Caesar has his man-dress on the outside of his strange suit to differentiate him from all the rest of the suited Legions. They must be some sort of protective wear from the radiation, because I can't imagine why else they'd wear them. Bright yellow and orange things, with scary breathing masks like the NCR Rangers would wear. Like what Cain wore when we left New Vegas.

"We have to do something."

I hiss quietly to Cain, and he nods in agreement.

"A distraction. Stay…children…I shall go."

Fawkes begins to lumber forward. But I'm angry again. Angry, because he called me a child. I'm _not_ a child anymore! I'm as much of an adult as mom was at my age, and you know, I can do it! I can do whatever mom did, and I shouldn't have to be treated like a child. Fawkes is slow, because of his size, so when I start to run, I zoom right past him.

"Dizzy!"

Cain yells, but I ignore him. All I can see ahead of me, is Caesar stepping towards my father and pressing his gun to his head. I can't see anyone else around me. Not because of the dust, but because of my tunnel vision. All I'm focusing on is my parents, and my heart that's pounding in my chest. I've never felt it beat so fast, as I near closer and adrenaline flows through me, enhanced almost, by the radiation in the air.

"Dizzy! No!"

I hear my father yell as I throw myself on top of a surprised Caesar. He keeps the gun in his hand, as we fall to the ground together.

"Get off of me!"

Caesar yells, but I fight back, my body shaking violently from adrenaline and…something else. There's something else there, but I can't quite figure it out.

"You won't kill my father!"

I scream at him, getting him on his back and kneeing him as hard as I can in the diaphragm area. My hands find his neck, over the orange suit he wears, as angry tears spill down my face.

You can't threaten my dad. Or my mom. I know my dad's death would devastate my mother to no end, and to see my father, such a strong man in that position, broke my heard. The sound of many guns cocking, of people moving towards me, and of Fawkes and Cain's angry cries rests in the back of my mind. All I can see, all I can really hear, is Caesar below me.

"Then I'll kill you instead."

He hisses, and I feel the gun he has pressed up against my ribcage. He stares at me, through the small window in his strange hood. Those eyes. Those evil, aged eyes. What made him so evil? What made him do all of this? Was it power? Did he simply go mad with power? I don't know, and I don't have time to contemplate it. My grip around his neck tightens, as he presses the gun harder into my chest. I don't let up, and feel something burning way deep down inside me.

It isn't a bullet, since the trigger hasn't been pulled. Around me my family, Cain and Fawkes fight off approaching Legions. My heart beats faster and faster, as I keep eye contact with Caesar, not relenting my grip. I notice, that as I begin to squeeze, his eyes widen. I feel myself getting hotter and hotter, as if I'm burning from the inside out. It's almost unbearable at first, but I ignore it. I ignore it and press harder.

When Caesar pulls the trigger, I feel no pain. All I feel is the bullet vibrating through me, and my tissue healing faster than ever before. Hearing the gun go off puts more rage and fear into my mind, and I feel my thumbs almost touching as I squeeze as hard as I can

"What…_are_…you…?"

He rasps, and realize quickly why his eyes widened with fear. A long strip of flesh begins to fall off my arm. But it doesn't scare me, as I start to glow a greenish color. I don't feel scared, or any pain, because something inside tells me this is okay. I focus all my energy, my anger, and whatever is making me burn inside to my hands. The rubbery material that the suit is made of begins to swell, and bubble around my hands. I try to hold back my shock and surprise, and wait until later to figure out what's going on.

Caesar's eyes open wide with fear, as he realizes not only am I not moving, but that my hands are burning through his suit. I realize, too, that they're glowing. Green, like a Glowing One. Soon, my hands meet his flesh, and it's no different than the rubber suit. The smell of burning flesh, sped up by the abundance of radiation in the air, fills my nostrils. Caesar struggles to push me off, and I feel more spots of flesh coming off of my body, and the melding of my pants to my skin as I press harder and harder, burning him more and more. Until finally, I can see his muscles, veins and tendons. I can see them as plainly as I can see them in any ghoul. I can see them, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out, amidst all this warfare around me, that Caesar is finally dead.

Pulling my hands away slowly, blood, muscles, things are all stuck to my palms. It scares me, as I watch the glowing in my arms slowly dissipate as I fall onto the ground beside him. Holding my hands up to my face, as my body relaxes so much that just lifting my arms is a huge burden, I look at them. They're fine, with red blood and stringy pieces of muscle attached and hanging down. My heart beats slower and slower, and my breathing gets deeper and deeper. My shirt is melted, and some fabric falls off of my armor, while other is too melted to go anywhere.

Is…this why my parents hid everything? I can hear my mom calling my name, and it sounds like she's near hysterics. But I feel like I'm underwater, and that time is moving so slow. I realize how tired I am. So very, very tired. I know that I can't sleep here, but I want to, so badly. I'm just so damned tired. I can hardly make out Cain's face, as he and my mother rush to my side. When they move, it looks like they're leaving a trail of motions behind them. If that makes any sense.

I don't want to die. I can't think of why I would right now, but I'm just so tired that I can't fight it anymore. My stomach still has a faint green glow around it, and I watch it almost comically. There's no way I can fight off the sleepiness anymore. No way I can tell mom and Cain that I'm okay, and that I don't know what happened. My eyelids win the war, and they close. As for me, I figure a nap has been earned. Because I'm just so damned tired…


	31. My Little Girl

(Charon)

"Dizzy!"

I hear Dezbe yell, as the warm gun barrel is placed to my head. I notice in that moment Caesar is distracted, and I take that moment to attack. Yet for once, I find that I am too slow. My daughter runs at him, faster than any bullet, and lunges. For everyone else, things go increasingly fast, as we are rushed with a small army. As an old friend fights in our honor, and my wife tires to be a mother Yao Guai. Yet for me, time has stopped, and my eyes are focused on the weapon in Caesar's hand, knowing full well, if he were to shoot it at Dizzy's head, there would be no hope for her. The radiation will heal her, but it does not mean she will be okay. The fear of losing my daughter overpowers me, as I see it for the first time in my life. As I realize she is in danger, whilst Cain helps keep soldiers at bay with Dezbe, my mind takes me to a place, where none of this is happening. Where everything, simply is.

It is the night Dizzy is born. I hold her in my arms, a child, smaller than my forearm. The moonlight spills into Doc Church's makeshift hospital, while Dezbe sleeps deeply and soundly. I stare at baby I hold to my chest. And she stares at me, too. Her giant gray eyes scanning me, analyzing me, as if she is trying to figure out who exactly I am.

I had never imagined, one could feel so much love towards something so small. I have never felt this way about anyone before, not even Dezbe. It is a different emotion than love. It is something more. I am connected to this child. _My_ child. My own. My heart beats, shaking my body with this emotion more powerful than any love in the Capital Wasteland. It is endearment, protection, love, admiration, longing and pride all at once. Stronger than if they were to stand alone. And all of it for, this tiny human in my hands. She fits perfectly, in both of my cupped hands. Her naked body kicking, arms swinging, and gentle noises as she breathes are music to my ears. My child. My own.

I pull her close to me, staring into those large, gray eyes once again. She has my eyes. A dark tuft of hair sits smoothly atop her head. Pressing my face into that tuft of hair, I inhale deeply. It takes one smell of this child, to know that I would rather be tortured time and time again, before I allow any harm or pain come to her.

"...choo…"

She sighs as she breathes out, accidently squeaking. I pull my head away, tears of emotion welling in my eyes as we stare at one another. Balancing her in one arm carefully, I take my index finger, and feel her soft cheeks. They are smooth, warm, and pink. Her fingers wrap around my one finger, and it shocks me how small she is. Her entire hand, filled by my one index finger. I allow her to keep a strong grip, as I am lost in amazement. I never knew, humans could be so small. So fragile, delicate, soft. I made this. I mean, Dezbe did as well, but there is no doubt in my mind that this child is mine. The connection I have made with her…is this, what Dezbe spoke to me about? The paternal bond? The one I wouldn't feel until I first saw our child? Perhaps. Perhaps this is something completely different. Something stronger.

Dizzy, my daughter, does not seem to notice when I pry my finger from her strong grip. Her eyes dance around the room, unable to focus on anything. I find a chair away enough from Dezbe so that if I speak, my voice will not wake her. Sitting down, I cradle my daughter in my arms, and bring my face close to hers.

"I am your father, Dizzy."

I whisper to her, as her hot baby breath dances on my face. She yawns, her eyelids growing heavy. Gently, like Dezbe showed me, I rock her back and forth, letting one of my hands smooth the tuft of dark hair atop her head.

"You are beautiful…"

She yawns again, almost forcing herself to stare at me. She fits so perfectly against my chest. As if she was made to fit there, against my rough armor. I realize quickly how rough it must be to her smooth, newborn skin. Getting up, I walk over to Dezbe, and place Dizzy gently down beside her as I remove the top half of my armor. Dizzy, at losing my touch, begins to whine and Dezbe begins to stir. After the day she has had, I want Dezbe to rest. Quickly, I scoop up little Dizzy, and press her against the smoothness of my shirt, and walk her outside into the night.

"It is alright. You are safe again. No tears, hush."

I tell her as we step out into the warm night. She coos and cries a bit, before quieting down once more. My arms, now fully bare, feel the extent of her warmth and smoothness of her naked body.

"Hush now, hush. You are safe."

My gravelly voice tells her quietly. Dizzy hiccups, and I lift her tiny body over my shoulder instinctively. Gently, as I feel her tiny head rest against my shoulder, I pat her back until she lets out a small burp. It makes me chuckle, as her scent wraps around my head. When she's done, she lets out a small, relieved sigh, and soon drifts into her newborn slumber.

"From the first breath you take, to the first step, I will be there. When you dream your dreams, I will be there."

I whisper softly, cradling her in my arms. So small, I cannot get over it. For a long time, I will be responsible for her safety. She is defenseless. But I have a heat full of patience, and love. Footsteps to my left cause me to hide Dizzy with my arms. I look over and see a Megaton citizen approaching me in the night. It is an older woman, one who came here around the time we took the wall down.

"It's not common to see you without your armor, Charon."

I know the woman is elderly, but it does not sway me from wanting to hide my newborn child, that coos loudly in her sleep.

"Oh, is…Dezbe gave birth today?"

I nod my head, and move my arm to allow her to look at newborn Dizzy.

"Yes."

She peers in. If I remember, her name is Ann. I cannot be sure.

"Charon, she's beautiful. Is she why you took off your armor?"

"It was too rough for her to sleep against."

"And where is Dezbe?"

"Inside, resting."

Dizzy snores softly. I had no idea, children this small and new could snore. It brings a smile to my face as I look at her.

"I don't think I've ever seen you smile, either."

I turn my head towards whom I suspect to be called Ann, and the smile fades.

"Children change people, Charon. It's alright. Were you a father before your ghoulification? You seem to be quite natural at it."

"No. This is my first."

Perhaps I seem natural at this, because it is in my blood to protect those close to me.

"Do you have a crib?"

She asks, and I nod.

"Gob is building one."

"May I?"

Ann opens her arms, asking to hold her. I hesitate at first. The news of pre-war fills my mind as I remember hearing of women who stole children from their mothers. I look Ann up and down, and realize she is far too old and fragile to go anywhere. But if she were to try, and fail, Dizzy might be harmed. But then I soon realize this will be normal. People will often ask to hold Dizzy, since babies are rare in the Capital Wasteland. Begrudgingly, I hand Dizzy to Ann to hold.

"Mind her head."

I growl, not wanting to give my child to a near stranger so soon. But I see the light in Ann's eyes as she feels the smoothness of Dizzy in her hands. Like me, Ann smiles, and tears well in her eyes.

"Oh Charon, she's simply precious. Have you named her?"

Ann rocks the sleeping Dizzy gently, smoothing her hair just as I had done.

"Dizzy. Her name is Dizzy. Dezbe named her."

Ann chuckles and smiles at her.

"Befitting. You make sure to keep her safe. The Capital Wasteland, though changed, is still no place for babies."

"I am aware. Dizzy will be safe with me and Dezbe."

"And your son, Cain."

Yes. Cain. He met Dizzy earlier today. He seemed to be quite taken and protective of her. As I am. Nodding, I agree with Ann as she hands Dizzy back to me. She is one of the few Megaton citizens aware and open about Cain's adoption. She, like most, say nothing of it and are simply happy to be safe.

"Goodnight Charon. It is nice to see you so relaxed for once."

"Goodnight."

Ann vanishes, and I am left in the night, holding my child, and staring up at the stars.

Dizzy, for the most part, is a healthy and happy baby. As she begins to become more active in her new world, I take responsibility in telling her about nearly everything that she sees. At first Dezbe finds it annoying, but she grows used to it over time. Dizzy is almost a year now, and I am watching her while Dezbe takes Cain into the Wastes to learn a thing or two about back-talking her. He's at that age.

"Careful, one foot, other foot. Right foot, left foot, right foot."

I say to Dizzy as we stand outside. Her hands are in mine, and she carefully learns how to walk.

"There you go, careful now…"

"No."

That is Dizzy's only word. 'No'. Nothing more, nothing less, just 'no'. Everything is 'no' to her. Since she saw how happy it made us to hear her speak it, I suppose now she says it all the time to get the same reaction of us.

"Alright, on your own now…"

"No!"

She laughs, as I lift my hands from hers. She sways for a minute, barefoot in the dirt. I have my hands ready to catch her if she falls. Her large, blue eyes turn to look at me.

"Careful…"

Dizzy listens, and carefully turns herself around to face me. Wobbling a lot, she lifts her foot, and takes her first step towards me.

"Yes! Yes! Come on, come to dad."

That word tastes funny on my lips. I smile as I think about it.

"N-n…"

Dizzy says, becoming scared as she takes two more steps before I scoop her up.

"You walked! You walked!"

I laugh, throwing her into the air and catching her in my arms. She laughs loudly, and it echoes over the Capital Wasteland.

"That's my girl…"

I say to her, pulling her close. She pushes me away and begins to squirm, wanting to be put down.

"Alright, careful."

I set her down, and stubborn as she is, she sits her bottom on the ground and plays in the dirt. Bringing a fistful of it to her face, I have to catch her hand.

"No, no, we do not eat rocks. Put that down."

Prying it from her small hands is not easy. She is strong, and I do not want to hurt her. Needless to say, she has her mother's stubborn attitude and starts to cry at me.

"Come on."

"No da! No!"

I nearly almost fall as I stare at her. Sitting down I stare at her red and angry face as she tries to pick up and eat more rocks and dirt.

"Dizzy, did you just speak? Say it again, go 'da'."

Dizzy ignores me, and once again I have to pry dirt from her hands.

"No!"

Picking her up, I hold her tight as her squirms get stronger. More than once I have almost dropped her from squirming.

"No! No!"

"No yourself."

I tell her and lift her high up, my hands around her waist. She kicks at me, angry.

"No!"

"You can't get down, you know this. Stop it."

It takes me a minute to realize I am, once again, arguing with baby. Not even a toddler. I sigh and hold her in one arm, as she bites at my leather straps on my armor. She certainly reminds me of her mother, with her stubbornness and easy temper. Plus, she is teething, and the leather straps seem to be the only thing to ease her discomfort.

"That is not clean, Dizzy."

She ignores me, and I figure as long as she is quiet and not screaming, it is fine. Just have to make sure Dezbe does not find out. Though she always seems to, and it creates a small argument.

"Come on, we can go for a walk."

Dizzy lets go of my armor and I set her on the ground near my feet. She has to reach up high, while I have to reach down low, to hold her hand for balance so she can walk. Though she weighs nothing to me, I wish for her to learn how to walk as quickly as possible, since soon she will want to ride on my back. Sometimes I feel like I am more of her plaything, than her father.

"No! Da…"

I look at her, and smile.

"I am da."

Dizzy looks at me, and points.

"Da!"

"Yes! Da!"

She points to the ground.

"Da!"

"No, Dizzy. Dirt."

"Da!"

I shake my head.

"Dirt."

She says nothing else, and looks around. Five or six, maybe more, steps of hers are one of mine. Walking with her is difficult, but nothing I cannot do.

"Da!"

She points to the sky.

"Sky."

"No!"

As always, Dizzy knows everything.

As soon as she starts to walk, Dizzy begins to run. Her vocabulary has increased, but not by much. Gob and Church claim that it is normal for a child to either talk first, or walk first. But doing both takes time and patience. She is a year and a half now, able to run fast enough to get into things, and make a mess. Currently her favorite thing to get into are the bottles of radiation we have set aside. I suppose she enjoys the warm feel they give.

"Alright, outside with you both, I need some serious nap time."

Dezbe says after I knock over a kitchen chair chasing Dizzy with a doll Dezbe gave to her. Dizzy had crawled under it and tried to fight me off. I am larger. It did not work.

"Alright Dez."

I tell her. Cain is out with friends, and Dizzy looks up at me, her hands opening and closing, telling me she wants to be held.

"Up, up."

I lift her, and grunt as I rest her on my hip.

"Up you go. Outside."

"Out! Out!"

"And make sure she eats, Charon."

Dezbe tells me, kissing my cheek.

"Alright."

"See you later, Mr. Mom."

I wave to her as Dizzy and I leave the house. Outside, I realize, I have no idea what there is to do today. I look at Dizzy, and she looks at me, her hair wild, her cheeks pink, and her skin still as smooth as it was as the day she was born.

"Daddy."

She sighs, putting her head on my shoulder. I smile and kiss the top of her head, the paternal bond I made with her the day she was born, still strong and going.

"Yeah. I am daddy."

"Love you."

"Love you more."

Dizzy has no idea what her words mean, only that it makes myself and her mother happy to hear them. I start to walk towards the Capital Wasteland, with Dizzy looking behind me in my arms. I do not like to take her too far from the city, but she enjoys watching the animals of the Wastes walk around. She also has this strange passion for climbing the rocks. The small playground in town does not seem to be good enough for her, but rocks are. When Dezbe is not looking, spoiling Dizzy has become my favorite past time.

Setting Dizzy down near her favorite rock to climb, I sit down and watch.

"Daddy! Play!"

She starts to run around, her crooked smile shining. It feels as if just yesterday she was born. She has grown so much. She is beautiful, from the outside in. Her brown eyes and dark hair, her energy, and how still she's too young to see the world in a bad light. Everything to her is fresh, new, and when even the citizens see her, they smile.

It is hard to believe, one day, she will go off in the Capital Wasteland. She will come home with some renegade wanderer and he will ask to be with my daughter. Angry as I know it will make her, until I know he intends to keep her as safe as I do, I will say 'no'.

"Watch!"

Dizzy says, atop the rock. I look up at her, and open my arms. She, without hesitating, jumps into my arms. I catch her, her laughter echoing louder and louder.

My little girl is a toddler now. Five years have gone by so fast. She has her own room, and an attitude bigger than herself. Dezbe is asleep in our room, and Cain sleeps in the living room, a book over his eyes. I stand in the doorway of my daughter's room, watching her softly sleep in a bed much too large for her, in clothes made just for her.

Quietly, I walk into her bedroom and sit at the edge of her bed. Her hair has grown much longer, silky, and smooth. She holds on tight to a piece of my armor as she sleeps. I do not know where she got the habit from, but she refuses to sleep without it. Smiling, I stroke her hair as I remember the day she was born. Since then, she has had me wrapped around her finger. Whatever Dizzy wants, she gets. Though she also knows that 'no' means just that. No. It is difficult for her to understand, but she does catch on. She grows bigger and bigger each day. Soon she will be an adult. I do not want to think of that, since she will always be my little girl.

"I love you."

I whisper, kissing her forehead. As I am about to step out of the doorway, I hear her quietly whisper.

"Daddy, love you more."

It damn melts my heart, and I smile to myself. Standing in the doorway for a few seconds more, I watch her as she opens her eyes a bit, and smiles. It is the same smile that she gives me when she is in trouble and does not want to be punished.

"Can I sleep with you and mommy?"

I shake my head at her, resting against the doorframe.

"You are a big girl, Dizzy. You need to sleep in your bedroom."

"But I'm scared."

"Of what?"

She points to under her bed and sleepily frowns.

"Monsters in the dark."

I smile at her, and take the shotgun from my back. Taking out the drum, and triple checking for any other shells, I walk over and hand it to her.

"Big girls can fight dark monsters all by themselves."

She frowns as she takes my gun.

"Daddy, you took the bullets."

"Oh, no see Dizzy, monsters will not be harmed by real bullets. You have to use magic, invisible ones."

"Invisible bullets?"

She gives me a doubting look, and I have to suppress a smile.

"They will not even see them. They can see and run from real bullets, but not invisible ones."

Dizzy buys my logic and tucks my shotgun safely under her arm. I stroke her cheek with my thumb, and kiss her head again.

"Daddy has to go to bed now, mommy is waiting."

"What if I can't fight off the monsters? What if they get me?"

I cannot help, but smile at this.

"No matter what trouble you are in, monsters or mean people, you call me. Call me as loud as you can, and I promise,I will be there to save you."

"Nobody messes with you, right dad?"

"Right. Goodnight, Dizzy. I love you."

"Love you more."

Dizzy never called my name loudly. Not until she was seven, that is. She had gone outside to play that day, while Dezbe and I patrolled Megaton. We were just getting over a few days of rain, so the ground was muddy and some of the crops had drowned in the rains. At that age, Dizzy already knew the boundaries of the town. She was scared of the 'monsters' still, so we told her they were out there. But she was still at that age where she would talk to strangers. Although we told her not everyone was like Uncle Gob or mommy and daddy, she did not quite understand it yet.

Standing at the edge of the corn, while Dezbe tries to give farming advice, I was looking around. It was still, calm, and the sun warmed my bones. Looking up to the house, I could see a man coming from the edge of town. He approached my home, where I knew Dizzy was playing in front of.

"What is it, Charon?"

Dezbe asks, grabbing Cain as he ran by, trying to avoid his daily chores.

"Someone near the house."

As I reach for my shotgun, I hear the shrill cry of something that will always haunt my dreams. That will always cause me to react. Dizzy's cry of fear.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

With no hesitation, my shotgun is in my arms and I begin to sprint towards my home. My heart pounding, as I remember holding Dizzy as she takes her first breath. Images of her riding on my shoulders, playing 'airplane' and tea parties flood my mind as if I need more fuel to run faster and faster. I see the man I had seen approaching the house running into the Wastes with Dizzy in his arms.

"Daddy!"

I see her. I see the fear and the tears in her eyes even with the distance between us. Firing a warning shot as I run, dust kicks up near the assailant's feet, startling him. He wears wanderer garb, and tries to keep his balance.

"Daddy! Help me!"

"Dizzy! Kick! Bite! Kick!"

The man looks back at me, and the rage I feel is comparable to none. He catches my eye, and the anger within, and stumbles once again.

"You said not to!"

Dizzy cries, scared.

"Forget what I said! Kick and bite as hard as you can!"

I cock my shotgun once more, and she starts to struggle. She bites and scratches, kicks, and throws one of the biggest fits ever. Yet the man keeps running. Dizzy stuns him just enough for me to get a clear shot. Stopping, I take careful aim, and fire. Holding my breath, I see the man falling forward, his entire weight atop Dizzy, who cries loudly for me beneath him.

"Charon!"

I hear Dezbe call behind me, but I pay no mind. I run towards Dizzy as she scrambles from beneath her captor. As I reach him, I realize he is still alive. Dizzy jumps into my arms, crying, bloody from the man's gunshot, and scared. He stares up at me, suddenly realizing whose child he had tried to take.

"Charon! What happened? Oh my god, Dizzy!"

"Take her home."

Dizzy refuses to let me go, but eventually she goes to Dezbe. I stare into the man's eyes, full of fear. When I know Dizzy is close to Megaton, I crouch down and put my hand under the man's jaw, fingers pressing into sensitive areas.

"You tried to take my child."

I tell him, shaking with anger. Blood spurts from his mouth as he tries to talk.

"I…didn't…know…"

"You tried to take my _daughter_!"

The man shakes his head as I drop him, and raise the butt of my shotgun.

"No!"

He cries, but I show no mercy. I hit him again and again, until there's nothing more than an unrecognizable face, and a pool of blood at my feet. As a warning, I leave his body against a rock, his back to Megaton. Nobody, takes my child, and has an easy death.

When I arrive home, Dezbe is explaining to Dizzy again, that not everyone is nice and to always go in the house if someone she doesn't know tries to talk to her. I know Dezbe is trying to be a good parent, but I can see that Dizzy needs comfort more than advice. When Dizzy sees me, she runs up to me, crying.

"Daddy! Help me…"

I pick her up and she buries her face into my neck.

"It is alright now, Dizzy. I told you, nobody will hurt you. Nobody messes with daddy."

"That man did."

She wails, and Dezbe gives me a saddening look, while Cain watches on, gun in his hand. I think in his mind, he is upset that he had failed to protect her, when it is his job to when his parents cannot.

"That man was stupid."

I say to her, rubbing her back and bouncing her up and down.

"Where'd he go? Will he come back for me?"

Dizzy has yet to learn that our guns are not for decoration. Dezbe and I have tried to raise her as normally as possible, even though guns and survival are the norm. Parents are not given a magical manual when they have children. We do not know how to go about introducing the violence of the world, to a child innocent like Dizzy. While Cain was raised in violence, Dizzy was not.

"I think you need to take her to talk."

Dezbe says, filled with regret and sorrow. She, like myself, always wanted to keep Dizzy innocent and safe from the horrors of the world. In a sense, we feel as if we have failed as parents. Yet I agree with her. It is time.

"Yes. We will be back."

Still holding Dizzy, my gun on my back, I leave the house. Dizzy cries softly, wetting my armor and undershirt, clinging tightly to my straps and shoulder plate. Citizens come to speak to me, but I wave my hand at them, and they go without another word.

"You are safe now, Dizzy. No need to cry."

"I'm _scared_!"

She yells, hitting my plate. It breaks my heart. When we're on the road beneath Vault 101, I set Dizzy down. She at first wants to stay in my arms, but when I sit down as well, she accepts it, and sits beside me.

"What happened to that man? Is he going to hurt me?"

"No. Nobody is going to hurt you, ever. Come here."

She sits in my lap, as I rest my chin atop her head. Her small hands play with the plates over my knees, as I try to figure out how to explain life in the Capital Wasteland to a seven-year-old. Especially my own seven-year-old daughter.

"That man is never going to come back again."

"Because you scared him, right?"

"Because I killed him, Dizzy."

She looks at me, scared, and unfamiliar with death still. But at the same time, there is a look upon her face that tells me, she already knew.

"Oh."

"Understand, Dizzy, that out here, we need to survive. And we sometimes have to kill people to do that. But we do not kill our friends, or people we know. Only those who try to hurt us. Do you understand that?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"Daddy is not a bad man, I was only trying to save you."

"I know."

"But as you get older, you are going to see people die more and more, and you need to learn that there is a reason for that. And that if anyone tries to take you, or hurt you like that man did, it is okay to hurt them."

"I bit him. Really hard."

"I know, and you did well. That is exactly what you are supposed to do. In case the day comes where I cannot save you."

It hurts me to say that one day I might not be there. Dizzy looks at me, and shakes her head at me, smiling.

"That's stupid, daddy. You're always going to save me."

"Oh yeah? You think so."

"Yup. Because mommies and daddies can't die."

Silently, I smile at her. Her eyes grow wide, and she grabs the front half of my armor.

"_Mommies _and _daddies can't_ _die, _right?"

"That is right, Dizzy. Mommies and daddies cannot die."

"Good."

At the time, it was too hard to explain to her that mommies and daddies could very well die. But there was no need to. Not too much later, Megaton was hit with a raid. It was maybe six or seven months after the man had tried to take Dizzy, and nobody expected it. A few rogue traders, some Slavers exiled from The Pitt, and Raiders hit Megaton fairly hard. Dezbe did what she was good at, protecting her child like a mother Yao Guai. For the most part, Dizzy was spared seeing anything horrific. But I was hit hard in the chest by more than a few stray bullets.

It was Cain who helped me home that night, after all was said and done. Radiation was not as prominent as it once was, so getting some was difficult. I lost a lot of blood, and just needed to make it home so I could drink the many bottles of irradiated water we had stored away. I did not expect Dezbe to have Dizzy in the entranceway when I walked in, leaning on Cain. Both of them were shocked to see me, Dezbe more than Dizzy. Mainly because Dezbe is used to me not getting hurt.

"Holy shit! Cain get your sister upstairs!"

Cain let me go, and I stumbled into the kitchen table. Knocking anything that was on it to the floor. Dezbe scrambled to get the water bottles on the shelf, as I fought to keep my own consciousness. I had gone through much worse in my time, but my old age sometimes got the best of me.

"No! Let me see daddy!"

Before Cain could wrestle Dizzy upstairs, she had broken from his grip and bee lined towards me. Her little feet slipping in my blood that had dripped to the floor, as Dezbe rushed over to pour the irradiated water down my throat.

"Goddamnit Cain! Get your sister upstairs!"

"No my daddy can't die! Mommies and daddies can't die! You said so! You said so! Daddy said mommies and daddies can't die!"

I get a look of rage from Dezbe. She is upset over me lying to Dizzy like that, but as I choke down the water and the healing begins to take place, I figure that is something we can fight about later on. Soon enough, I can breathe easier and stand on my own. It takes a moment for it to sink in that my daughter just witnessed her father almost dying. She looks up at me, as if I have broken some form of sacred trust.

"I'll meet you upstairs. Clean up this mess."

Dezbe hisses, ushering Cain up to his bed. It is only then I notice that Dezbe has her own wounds to tend to, and must also be under stress from the raid.

"Come on Dizzy, let's get you to bed."

I try to push her gently towards the stairs, but she resists.

"You _lied_!"

She yells, stomping her foot at me.

"I did not lie."

"You did! You lied to me! You said mommies and daddies can't die!"

I smile at her, as I hear the Brahmin being put back into their pens.

"Want to hear a good story? It will make you feel better. Come up to the perch with me."

Dizzy always wants to go up to the sniper perch atop the house, but she is never allowed. Unless Dezbe or myself decide to take her up there.

"I'm still mad at you."

"That is alright. Come on now."

She listens, and follows me to the top of the house. When we are up there, I sit her in my lap. We watch the citizens cleaning up the aftermath of the raid. Luckily, it is too dark for Dizzy to see most of the bodies.

"Remember what I told you about up here?"

I ask her, her small body resting on my legs.

"That we're on top of the world. I'm still mad. You lied."

"Dizzy, how old are you?"

"Seven _and a half_."

The halves are quite important to her, I have been hearing it her entire life.

"That is right. And do you know how long people live out here?"

She shrugs, folding her arms in front of her chest and refusing to look at me.

"I don't know. Like a hundred."

"No. Not even. If some humans are lucky, they live to be maybe seventy. And that is if they are _very_ lucky."

"So?"

"Do you know how long ghouls live for?"

"No."

She is mad, and I smile at her.

"We live to be hundreds and hundreds of years old. Do you know how old I am?"

"How old?"

"Over three hundred years old. And mommy is almost fifty years old."

Dizzy stares at me, her eyes wide.

"_Three hundred_? That's…really old."

I chuckle at her, smiling.

"Yes. I did not lie when I told you mommies and daddies cannot die. Because your daddy is older than anyone else in the Capital Wasteland."

"Even uncle Gob?"

"Maybe. We might be the same age."

"Three hundred, daddy? Are you sure?"

"I was here before the world looked like this, you know. There was a time where all the whole world was green. And the sky was blue, and people flew in the sky in airplanes like the one Cain has in his room, only bigger. I am very old, and I am still here."

"And you won't die?"

"Not any time soon, if ever."

"What about mommy? Mommy isn't a ghoul you know."

As if I did not.

"Mommy is part ghoul. She will live long, too. You will too. We're very special, Dizzy. And as long as we have radiation, we will be here for a very, very long time."

She seems satisfied with this, and relaxes in my lap. I feel her small hands in mine, and cover them with my fingers.

"So mommies and daddies can't die?"

"Your mommy and daddy cannot."

Dezbe is going to tear me a new one for this. I am aware that Dizzy needs to accept and learn about death sooner or later, but it does not mean she has to realize her parents can die. After all, she is still a child.

"That's good. And nobody messes with daddy, right?"

"I think they should be more scared of mommy…"

Dizzy laughs, and then yawns.

"You were hurt, though."

"Daddies can get hurt. But that does not mean they die. Like when you skin your knee."

Dizzy looks down at a scab she has on her elbow. She turns around and shoves it into my face.

"Like that?"

"Yes, like that."

Those memories of her, of growing up, learning, playing, they all hit me as I stand in the middle of battle. As time moves slowly, and I see my daughter fighting Caesar while I shoot his troops away. That crooked smile, those cooing noises she still makes in her sleep, that innocence, and her telling me she loves me more…it all floods me. I do not think, as I react to the Legion troops. I do nothing but shoot them dead in their tracks. From the corner of my eye, I see Dizzy rolling off of Caesar. I see Dezbe and Cain run towards her, while Fawkes finishes off the rest of the Legion army.

"…No…"

I say, my shotgun dropping to my feet, as I see my daughter on the ground. Cain and Dezbe shout at her, and shake her, trying to wake her. My little girl, lies there, motionless. An adult now, a grown woman, and yet she is still my little girl. She is still that defenseless newborn, staring up at me, depending on me for protection and love.

"Dizzy…"

Dezbe cries out, looking at me with tears streaming down her face. I stumble over, my heart pulsing in my chest as radiation heals any wounds I may have received. Cain and Dezbe give me space to squeeze in and kneel down.

"Charon she won't wake up!"

I stare at Dizzy's face. She looks as if she is sleeping, and beneath the grime, dust and radiation, I see her cheeks are still pink.

"Get everyone back to Megaton."

I tell Dezbe and Cain. They stare at me as if I have six heads.

"Go!"

They listen, and I turn my attention back to my daughter. Placing my hand over her heart, I am relieved to find that she is still alive. Gently lifting her head, I try to cradle her as I did the night she was born. Now, she is not as small. She is the size of Dezbe, but still fits perfectly against my chest. Her cheeks, still pink, and the tuft of hair atop her head still dark. Only now, she is an adult. She is a grown woman, old enough to make her choices. Yet it does not mean, that I have to let go of my little girl.

"I love you."

I tell her, hugging her as I kneel on the ground.

"…Love you more…"

I hear her whisper, and look to see her eyes fluttering open. She risked her own life to save mine, when all my life, I have risked mine to save hers.

"You are so much like your mother."

Dizzy smiles at me, her eyelids heavy. That smile is still crooked.

"You okay, dad?"

I nod, almost crying.

"Perfect."

"Did we win?"

I notice Dizzy's skin, and her clothing. She catches me looking, and sighs.

"I don't know what happened, dad. I think I'm dying."

"No, you are not dying."

"I can't walk. I'm too weak."

Sighing, I pretend as if it is a big deal for me to carry her, when in reality, I am overjoyed at the fact she is alive. Sliding my arm under her knees, I stand and hold her in my arms.

"I will bring you home."

"We don't have a home anymore, dad."

Looking her in the eyes, I shake my head.

"You always have a home with me and your mother."

"When did you stop being mommy and daddy?"

"When you learned that mommies and daddies could die."

"Huh. I guess we're even then. Daughters can die, too you know."

I shake my head at her.

"Not my daughter."

"Because nobody messes with daddy?"

I look around at the mess or dead bodies being eaten and burned by the radiation in the air, left to wait and rot in the ruined Capital Wasteland.

"Apparently they did not get that message soon enough."

Dizzy chuckles and rests her head against my chest. I am not worried. I know exactly what happened to her. Dezbe brought it up earlier, that Dizzy is special, and things will happen when she is under stress. We had no idea what exactly would happen, but it seems it did. And it is nothing short of what a Glowing One does. A large amount of radiation produced outwards. A living radiation conduit. That is exactly what happened with Dizzy, since both of her parents are immune and one is a full ghoul. The greenish tint of her skin is a simple reminder of it. She will probably have this ability for her entire life, but until she can learn to control it, it will exhaust her. Of course, I could be wrong, and it could be a one-time thing. I am only speaking of what I have gathered by looking at the situation and knowing the effects of slight ghoulification. Dr. Barrows will have to take a look at her once we get the town up and running again. When there is time in between rebuilding the Capital Wasteland once more.

"Man, there's a lot of work to do in Megaton, huh?"

Dizzy says as we near, and the rubble and wreckage comes into light.

"Once you are rested, yes. There is a lot to do."

As Dezbe and Cain see us, they sigh with relief and run over.

"My baby!"

Dezbe cries, trying to hug Dizzy while I hold her. I can tell she is still too weak to stand, and hold her tightly, while Fawkes lumbers over.

"It is…good to see you…old friends."

He chokes out, and I nod at him.

"Yes. I can tell you have already met my daughter."

Dizzy smiles shyly and pretends to be asleep.

"Yes. She has…your fighting spirit."

I still believe she is more like her mother than anything.


	32. I Feel Colder, When I Walk Alone

(Jasper)

I watch them. I watch them while I hide. For days, I watch, and I only ever go venture out when I'm one-hundred percent sure that nobody will see me. Even then, it's only to salvage what little food I can without being noticed. It's really hard, because of my injuries. But I at least escaped with my life. That's the main thing I'm grateful for.

Unlike Caesar and his Legion, I'm lucky that I don't have to wear a radiation suit. I wasn't lying when I said my parents were ghouls. They were. Thing is, I'm just not affected by radiation. It doesn't do anything to me. I don't get healed by it, I don't get hurt by it, I just am. And with no readily available medical supplies, getting my wounds to heal is a pain. Any of the supplies that I've watched them ship in from Rivet City is instantly given to the people of Megaton. Or, rather, what's left of them.

I've been watching them from near Vault 101. They've rallied everyone together to figure out a plan on how to fix what myself and Caesar had done. I don't think I've ever seen so many ghouls working with so many humans, and there's even a Super Mutant in there. At least, the kind of Super Mutant they have out here. The ones back west are blue. These ones seem to be a sickly yellow color. I can say though, that he seems more mentally stable than the ones back home. Sometimes I get closer and listen in on their conversation, but I'm too scared to be caught, so I hang back.

I have every intention of going in to talk to Zack. I want to. I miss him, and I know what I've done doesn't deserve any form of forgiveness, but I just want to talk to him. Tell him, and everyone, how terribly sorry I am. How I just…I just fucked up. I fucked up big time. I never meant for this to happen, I never…I have no excuse. This happened, and there's nothing I can do to fix it.

For the most part, though, my injuries are healing. My neck is still really sore, and my wrist is still swollen, but it gets better every day. As long as I rest, and don't put any weight on it whatsoever. I used to hold a grudge against Charon for hurting me. My ribs are still healing, too, and at first, it took me a lot to not be mad at him. But in time, I realized, he had every reason to. He thought his family was dead. And he knew I was the one who caused it. A part of me still wants to be angry at him, wants to march right up to him and yell at him and tell him how much it hurts every day to wake up in so much pain. To have to sneak around and hide and hope nobody ever sees me. But then I remember, what I did to him, was much worse than anything he's done to me. And at the end of the day, he saved my life.

I see Charon in a different light now. I know he's just as scary as his first impression gives off, and ten times stronger, but…there's real emotion there. When I first met him, I doubted that he cared about anything. That he was just along for the ride. But as I watched him react to the possible loss of his family, and how he tried so hard to save them, and watched as he carried Dizzy back home…I came to respect him. Before I respected him out of fear, but now, I respect him out of admiration. I know now, that he really is the Big Iron they sing about. There's nobody I've ever met who can be as merciless, while showing mercy, as him. Like that makes any sense. But it makes sense to me.

Sitting down behind a rock, I carefully watch Megaton as the sun sets. So far, they've gotten some of the houses back up. I think that's their main thing right now, since they seem to be getting food and resources from Rivet City. I'm not sure what's going to be done about the radiation in the air, though. It's been a few months, and even though the dust is gone, you can still feel it and taste it in the air. The grass they once had in Megaton is definitely gone, as are the crops. I would know, because I saw Dezbe really upset over the loss of her pre-warish home.

Everyone was sad, actually. The Super Mutant, Fawkes, he was upset he never got to see it. Dizzy and Cain were sad that the home they had grown up in was gone, and the citizens felt hopeless. I think only Charon held a stern face, and ordered everyone to work. That day, I remember, he put on what was left of his leather armor and left Megaton. I don't know where he went to, but when he returned, it seemed nobody had noticed his absence. And even then, he just stood there, staring into space. Before I left, I heard some of the citizens speculate that he was planning on finding another G.E.C.K, but I can't be sure. He does seem like the type, and when he saw how upset his wife and daughter were over the loss of everything, he very nearly shed a tear.

The only time I saw that man show emotion was under really hard stress. Like Dizzy glowing this bright green color, and passing out, and when he found his family. That's about it, really. Which reminds me. I got really freaked out when I saw her glow green like that. I never got the word as to why it happened, only saw that it did. Though I've seen a few doctors, or what I think are doctors, checking her out since then.

Peering over the rock, I see Zack and Gob carrying scraps of metal from cars near an old town. I get a sharp pain in my chest whenever I see Zack. I do really love him. I didn't intend to, but he was so kind, and caring. He actually cared about me as a person, and not some sort of asset. I…really wanted to be with him. I still do. I just know that the chances of that happening are slim to none. If anything, they're in the negatives. Zack's focused now on rebuilding his home, after the bitch who stole his heart destroyed it (read: me). Sometimes I hear my name being mentioned, but it's never about anything. Just about where they think I ran off to, and how much of a heartless bitch I am. Once, Dezbe defended me, saying she blew up an entire base once. To which Charon chimed in that it was to rescue him, and they were horrible people. That's when Dezbe said the leader of that base was also named Jasper. I figure by now, they've reserved my name for the damned.

Watching them, though, gives me hope. I've watched them all rebuild their town from the ground up, with everyone doing equal work. And nobody has complained about the hardships, either. Their survival skills are amazing. How they can just pick up and rebuild at a moment's notice. If this had happened to the citizens of The Strip, we'd all be running around crying like Botflies with our heads chopped off. But for the people here, it's like everyday life. It's like…they're _used_ to it, almost. That must be a terrible way to live.

"Charon, I'm just saying that's not the best idea you've come up with."

My heart freezes in my chest. I hear Dezbe's voice, a lot louder than I'm used to. I thought she would be working in Megaton. Looking to my left from behind the rock I hide behind, I see her and Charon walking back with a large sheet of steel between them. Both of them carry it, while Dezbe smokes a cigarette with her free hand. It could easily be carried by Charon alone, but it seems like Dezbe wants to pretend to help. You could say I don't like her much.

"What other option is there? The radiation is too strong. It may have even contaminated the water supply."

"I have the knowledge to fix that, Charon, you _know_ that!"

"With what resources? There is nothing here anymore, Dezbe. Face it, we have gotten old. We cannot continue to fight the way we once did."

Dezbe drops her half of the steel and glares at him. I hold my breath, and try to calm my shaking. I don't want them to find me yet…

"I feel as good as the day I did when we first met, Charon. How do _you_ feel?"

"Tired, Dezbe. I am over three-hundred years old, and war gets old fast. I cannot…"

"Can't what?"

I hear the clanking as Charon drops the sheet completely. What can't he do? I want to know too.

"Keep going this way."

"Are you asking for a divorce? Can you even do that? No. No you can't. I won't allow it."

Although her tone is serious, I want to chuckle. But I suppress that.

"No Dezbe. I am not asking for a divorce. I…am just tired."

"This is our _life_, Charon."

"Live it for three-hundred years."

"I intend to."

There's a stiff silence, broken only by someone, I don't know who since I've resigned myself to hiding behind the rock without peering over, steps on the steel.

"Charon, come here. I know, you're tired. I understand that. But we have to keep going. I'm tired too, okay? I'm…not as violent or energetic as I once was. I feel it too, but I've tried to blame it on the radiation. It's just not, though."

"As long as we live here, there will be someone to fight. There will be something to fix."

"This is our home, and it's our duty to protect it. You're the man of our home, Charon. If you fall, I fall."

Charon signs, and so doesn't Dezbe.

"What do you intend we do, Dez?"

"…I don't know, Charon. Vault 106 has two G.E. . I know that much. And I know, that we can't stop now."

"Vault 106? Alright. If you are sure, then I suppose when the time comes, we will head there."

"Want to go on a vacation?"

"What?"

"You know, a vacation? Like somewhere to just…be for a little. Slow down a bit. Would that help."

In the distance, I hear Dizzy laughing. She calls at Cain to stop doing something, and soon, she yells of joy and his laughter soon follows.

"Actually, no. I think for the moment, I was simply lost. You are right. This is our life, and this is what we are destined to do."

"You just can't let your daughter see you get old, huh? Never planned on living this long."

"You know me far too well."

"This is why we are married. We know too much about one another."

"Come, let us get this back. Perhaps by nightfall we could celebrate somehow."

"I can think of many ways…and positions…"

Dezbe giggles and they pick up the sheet of steel. I hear them walking past the rock I'm behind, and soon, their footsteps fade into the distance. I think I've just overheard something that I wasn't supposed to. But as I sit, and think about it, maybe…I could get the G.E. ? The idea is a good one at first, until I realize that I don't know where Vault 106 is, or even what a G.E.C.K looks like. Even if I could find the vault, opening it would be another challenge entirely. But hearing Charon say he was tired, and how I've essentially destroyed their lifestyle of semi-easy living, made me feel guiltier than usual. Did I ruin Zack's way of living, too? Without Megaton, what does any of them have? Aside from each other? But as these people so evolved, that material items mean nothing to them, but instead, they're happy to just have everyone they love alive? If so, they need to teach the people of The Strip their secret. That kind of love can go a long way there, and put everyone out of business.

I sit behind the rock, thinking about their lives in comparison to mine for hours. By the time I realize it's gotten dark, it's almost too dark to see. But then, I look up at the sky. I look, and I see trillions upon trillions of stars in the night sky. I see silver, wispy clouds, and a bright, full moon. They dance along the night sky, twinkling and sparkling in a way that can only happen when there's no artificial light anywhere for miles. I never appreciated a view like this before. My life was brightened out by the motions and movements in a city that never sleeps. Nobody slows down to look up.

Standing, I stare at the sky. I look over the Capital Wasteland, and see a lit up monument far into the distance. It is beautiful here. Silver boulders rise from gray sand, and they make pathways. Old roads come up here and there, and remnants of pre-war towns rot and eventually go back to nature. The city lines the Wastes, like a giant wall separating them from us. Back home, it's really, just a desert. A vast desert, that was a desert before the war, and a desert after the war. But here…it's different.

The Capital Wasteland has a beauty to it. A beauty that no other part of the country seems to have. A beauty and a sense of belonging, as if it calls out to wry travelers, telling them that if they're tired and hungry, to come here. You'll be fed, and get the rest you need. And yet, I tried to destroy that. I tried to take it all away from everyone. I ruined it for the people here, who really, are just trying to survive. It's not like I knew, though. It's not like I had known it would be this way. That'd Caesar would be fighting a living legend and that the people here would welcome me so quickly and warmly. I didn't know, that I'd actually fall in love with Zack.

I mean, I've always thought he was handsome. But then when we started talking, he came off as this handsome, but not quite bright boy. A typical out-of-towner. You know, all sweet then when you get to his side he's mean, or something. But Zack wasn't mean. At all. I may have been blinded by lust, because he is quite handsome. Like Ringo from the Crimson Caravan. He has soft features, and kind eyes. His hands were rough, and I liked that. I didn't know he was actually as kindhearted as he is. He actually cares about people. He did care about me. And I ruined it. I think, of everything I've done, betraying him feels like the worst.

That's a lot to say, in comparison to helping blow up Megaton. I realized everything too late. That's why I left that note. I didn't want to hurt them. I know that now. But how could I even think to ask forgiveness? I can't. But I can't go home, either. I have neither a family, nor a home. I guess that's karma. Doomed to wander an unknown land until something eats me or I die of starvation. But…I don't want to be alone.

Slumping to the ground, I ignore my throbbing wrist. Pulling my knees to my chin, I let tears fall down my face. I can't go back to Megaton. Even if they are rebuilding it, I killed all those people. Who was I to judge right from wrong? Who was I, to follow Caesar? I know he had a bounty on me. My parents did have a debt to him, but look where that got me. My parents are dead, and I'm sure as hell that they aren't proud of me. I can't even ask myself why I did it, because I don't even know. I don't. I couldn't give someone an answer, even if they asked. What do I do now? Continue to hide here, sneaking food until I get caught? Charon didn't kill me before, but I know he will now. I think, maybe, I should just leave. Leave and go and keep walking until I can't walk anymore. I'm scared, I don't want to go, and I don't want to be alone. I'm cold, even though the night air is warm. I don't want to die. I'm sorry.

"How long have you been there?"

A voice scares me. I jump up, leaning on my bad wrist. I let out a small cry of pain, as I stumble, falling back down. Looking up, I see Zack behind the rock, smoking a cigarette. He wears a dirty Merc cruiser outfit, and leers down at me. I stare at him, scared, shocked, and…lonely.

"I…"

"Don't bother lying. I know you've been stealing food."

He says, angrily but not loud. Throwing out his cigarette he walks around the rock and stares at me while I sit on the ground, his eyes cold and unforgiving.

"I'm sorry. I…had nowhere else to go…"

"You had Megaton, before you destroyed it. Before you took away the only place I could ever call home, before you demolished all advances in restoring this world that everyone here has worked their asses off for and risked their lives over."

I shake my head, tears spilling out.

"I…I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix it. Sorry doesn't bring my home back."

Cradling my wrist, I know he's right. I don't know why I thought that was an acceptable answer.

"Say something!"

He demands, and I flinch. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing.

"You're alone now. Charon, Fawkes, Dezbe, Dizzy, Cain, they all risked their _lives_ to kill the men _you_ led here. And now you sit, and think that you have something to cry over, while we break our backs trying to rebuild everything."

Why? Why did I do this? I have no answer. None that will satisfy him, or anyone else for that matter.

"I should go."

I tell him, and stand up. I hang my head low, awaiting more onslaught. It's not a big deal, since I deserve it. I just don't want to be alone. I want…want to stay here. I want to help them. I helped destroy it, and I want to help rebuild it. But I don't think they'd let me. I don't think they want to be anywhere near me.

"You let Caesar here. You helped him launch that missile. Helped him lure Charon into a trap. You led everyone on, and played the innocent one. You destroyed my home, killed my neighbors, and took away everyone's hard work of grass and farming…"

"I know…I know…"

I cry, and Zack sighs. I hear him light another cigarette, and I shake my head to get the tears away.

"…Yet I still love you. I still…think that there was some reason behind it. Like your life was being held hostage. Or your family. Or…just…_something_. Jasper, tell me _something_ caused you to do it? Give me a reason, anything?"

I look at him, my heart skipping beats. He loves me? He loved me before? And he still loves me now? I almost want to smile. Almost.

"Caesar killed my parents after taking me. I owed my life to him. He was all I knew. He was my world, and I worked for him. Both the NCR and Legion are one in the same. They worked together, and the public needed both of them to feel safe. As if the good was protecting them from the evil. But they were the same. And when Caesar gave me a shot to leave…I took it. I took it and I wanted to run the moment I got here. But…everyone was…they were so warm. I didn't want to help Caesar. But when I found out he was here, what could I do?"

"You could have told me. Or my father, or Charon if anyone. You could have prevented all this."

"I didn't know! I didn't…know. And…I made Charon think his family was dead…"

"No, Caesar did. Charon told us, how you released him. How you helped him. He told us to not kill you on sight."

I look up at Zack, a glimmer of hope shining behind my eyes.

"What did he say to do, if I was found."

"Bring you to him. And I have to, Jasper. I have to."

Zack grabs my arm and drags me to where Megaton is being rebuilt. He drags me there, but you can't call it dragging, because I'm not fighting him. Instead I'm going willingly. Why? Because I have to meet my fate. Because if Charon doesn't kill me, he's at least going to hurt me, and I deserve it. I really do, because of what I've done. But at least I know, that Zack loves me. And I love him. And that's enough, to have the love of someone that's real, and not owning you.


	33. Unless You Do This With Me

_I just want to mention that this image by Bellicose Butterfly is a perfect rendition of what I had in my head when writing this chapter._

art/ What-would-you-think-184829678

* * *

(Dezbe)

Our house isn't finished and it's too damn small. Four adults all cramped into three small rooms. Now I can tolerate a lot, but even still, the smell gets to me.

"This sucks."

I sigh, laying on the floor. We don't have beds yet. We don't have anything. Just four walls and a floor. Mainly because Rivet City can only send so many scavengers out into the Capital Wasteland without leaving themselves defenseless. And our citizens can hardly help rebuild the city, lest travel miles and miles for a stupid mattress. Mostly the work is done by my family, Gob, Zack, and Fawkes. Doc Church tends to the survivors with Graves and Barrows, while the ghouls from Tenpenny guard the food and keep an eye out at night and while we're working. So we're all wound pretty tight around here. And rightfully so. Our crops are dead, and so aren't our Brahmin. Do you know how hard it is to find them? Not very, but the bomb scared 'em all off enough to where we may have to take some shit from Big Town. Which sucks, because we don't have the manpower for another fight, and Big Town isn't mature enough to listen to logic and reason. Because, you know, they're adult children and shit.

I light a smoke and stare up at my half-finished ceiling. Half, because we want to put a second floor up there and don't yet have enough steel to finish it.

"You are stressed."

Charon says, and from the other room I hear Dizzy.

"Radiation attack!"

I roll my eyes at her nonsense. Barrows gave Dizzy a checkup. Turns out, she's about as feral as me, with the radiation power of a Glowing One. Which, let me tell you, doesn't bother her in the least. She's using it as some form of superpower, and spends most of her time concentrating on how to work it without getting exhausted. Time that should be spend working, but Charon says to let her have fun. Because she's a daddy's girl. But hey, if I could do it, I would spend all my time learning it, too. Plus she has this slight green glow about her. Dizzy also doesn't mind the chunks of skin she's lost along her body. Says it makes her look cooler. One of her eyes got darker than the other, too. So in total, she's a whole new person, with the same old attitude.

"No. I just want things to hurry up and get back to normal."

I sigh, which is another way of admitting stress. I wanted to sneak away with my husband here and go have some rampant sex. But now that I lay down I realize I am far too exhausted. Dezbe is too exhausted for sex. Go. Figure.

"Megaton will be finished soon enough. We can relax, and then find the other G.E. . Be patient."

"I'm all out of patience. But I have anger and frustration. Shall I dip into those?"

Charon glares at me and takes the cigarette from my hand. He takes a drag, before sticking it back between my lips.

"Some nights, I really detest you."

I tell him, glaring as he shrugs nonchalantly.

"Good thing tonight is not one of those nights."

"As far as you know."

He's about to say something, when there's a knocking on the exterior wall. We have yet to give this place a proper door.

"Well, I'll get that."

I say, sitting up. Charon grabs his tee shirt, as we were laying topless, and tosses it over me.

"I will get it, you will put that on."

"Oh look out, it must be the fun police…"

I say, putting on Charon's shirt. It smells like him, and hangs over me. I have to say, running around in his oversized shirt and my underwear makes me feel younger again. Younger as in like nineteen. Like I was when I left the vault. I kinda dig it.

"Zack?"

Looking up, sure enough, there's Zack. With a woman. My heart sinks to the floor as I stand up, hands on my hip.

"He has company, Charon."

"I can see that."

He moves aside and lets them in. I give Jasper a look. And if looks could kill she'd be dead ten times before she took her first step in this place.

"I'd but a light on, but since _someone_ nuked my town, we have no electricity for the time being. So this Pip-Boy light will suffice."

I say snarky as I turn on my Pip-Boy, happily replaced on my arm, thankyouverymuch. Zack and Jasper walk in, and I hear Cain and Dizzy scrambling in the next room to listen.

"Stay out of this you two."

I holler, and they pretend to back away. A mother knows all things, especially when her child is being sneaky.

"I found her. She was near Vault 101, just…sitting."

I catch the eyes Jasper gives my topless husband. Catty, and feeling like my nineteen-year-old self, I walk over to Charon, and wrap my arms around his waist. It takes a lot to keep my tongue from sticking out at her.

"What the hell do we do with her?"

I ask Charon, and he stares at her. Bruises still fading from her neck, and her wrist is limp and swollen. She seems to have more injuries, but I can't tell right now. It's too dark and I'm too angry.

"…We put her to work. We make her rebuild Megaton, so she can see what it is like out here. What the cost of living is."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Charon?"

He looks at me, and I suppose that no. He is in fact, not kidding. Letting him go I throw my arms in the air.

"What? We're supposed to take pity on everyone now? Oh I know! Let's call the NCR, too! I'm sure they'd _love_ to help, and whatever is left of Caesar's Legion, too!"

"Please, let me help."

I glare at Jasper, as Zack wraps an arm around her.

"I won't let you hurt her Dezbe."

"Just give me a chance to redeem myself, please. You don't understand."

Please. I look at Charon, pointing at Jasper.

"She did this. She nearly got me _and_ Dizzy killed. Did you hit your head and forget that? Huh? Did you? Because I genuinely believe you did."

Charon shakes his head.

"If it is one thing I have learned in the years we have been together, it is that people make mistakes. Good people, are sometimes forced to do bad things. If they are willing to repent for those deeds, we must give them the chance to. It is only right."

My jaw drops, and I feel outnumbered on this. Which I am.

"A _bad_ deed is tripping someone into a pool of irradiated water and laughing! Blowing up an entire _town_ is…is…"

"Something you yourself are responsible for. Something you did in the name of someone you love. Those men had families too, Dezbe."

"They were _evil_! They kidnapped you!"

"Not all were. Just as not all in this are evil. Our own daughter played a role in this as well, by taking over Gomorrah."

I didn't think of that. But he's right. He's right and now that he's dragged Dizzy into it I can't fight him on it. But I'll be damned if he knows he's right.

"Fine. Have it your way. But she sleeps outside, not in here."

"I'll take full responsibility."

Zack says, and I look him in the eye. He stands firm.

"I mean it. If she does something, you can punish me."

"Zack…you know full well I can't kill you. Torture, yes. But kill? I love how you think so highly of me, though."

Zack sighs, and looks at Jasper. Charon pulls me closer to him, trying to prevent me from scratching Jasper's eyes out.

"I love her. I know, that it's illogical, given all she's done, but you two of all people can understand that. Can understand that even through deception, you can love someone."

"Charon and I never destroyed a _decent_ civilization. Military bases don't count."

"No, but Dezbe he lived for five years with you believing he was dead. He's lied and been with other women. You left for New Vegas, and still, after all that deception, you've loved one another. Don't you understand?"

I hate when my past gets thrown in my face. I hate it even more, when not only are they right, but the person doing it is someone I've known since they were born.

"The _difference_ between us, Zack, is that Charon and I love one another. It seems your love is completely one-sided."

Charon sees that I have a point, and looks at Zack for an answer.

"No. I love him. And…I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you ask, I will. My wrist isn't healed, but I'll do whatever I can until it does. I promise, please. I don't have anyone. No home, no family, nothing. Please just let me work for you. I'll…do any job you ask. I will."

"Your wrist?"

Charon asks, while I'm still figuring out if I believe Jasper or not.

"Yeah…"

"Let me see."

She wryly hands him her wrist, and he examines it. I want to hit everyone in this goddamned room as hard as I can.

"It is not healing properly."

A loud snap, followed by a painful cry is music to my ears. Charon broke her wrist, again. Zack lunges, but Charon is far too quick, and pushes him aside.

"It never would have healed properly if not broken and set properly. Calm down and hand me that."

Charon points to some scraps of steel and a few cloth bandages. Using the tools at hand, he makes Jasper a makeshift splint.

"It is a shame you are not healed by radiation. A half-ghoul like yourself could benefit from it."

Everyone looks at Charon, and he inhales deeply through his nose.

"The smell of a half-ghoul is almost impossible to miss, Dezbe."

"Why not offer her the rest of our medical supplies while you're at it?"

He finishes splinting her wrist, and sends Zack and Jasper down to Gob's hut. But not before assuring Zack that he would in fact, perish in Jasper's place. Though we all know nobody here can actually kill Zack. We love him far too much, stupid as he is.

"I'm going to get some air."

I yell as Charon is moving the sheet of steel we use as a door back in place. I don't even put shoes on. Ain't nobody got time for that when they're as pissed as me. I don't expect Charon to follow me, and to be honest, I don't want to. He just let the girl who helped blow up our town walk in, gave her medicine, and let her leave. Without even so much as a bitch-slap. We have to rebuild everything from the ground up, all because of her. I don't see any room for forgiveness for someone like her. Things were fine for a time being. You know? My life was perfectly uneventful, and boring. Though I got sick of the boring pretty fast, it was still nice. Nice to not have to worry, or sleep with one eye open. Now I'm lucky if I can get any sleep at all. And most of the surviving Megaton citizens lay there and wonder if they're going to make it the next day.

It's not the radiation that's an issue for them anymore, it's the lack of supplies. With Megaton being one of the main exports of food in the Capital Wasteland, everyone else kind of jumped on the back burner for resources. It's our own fault, since we didn't plan for anything like this happening. But really what small civilization does? Who wake up and goes 'Gee, we should prepare to be bombed by insane people on the West Coast'? Nobody. That's right, nobody. Rivet City only has so much, like I said, Big Town isn't really one to trade with, and lordy knows what's what in Paradise Falls. And then here Charon goes, _forgiving_ the person who caused all of it. Who played probably a bigger role in this than Dizzy going off and playing badass in New Vegas for a year or so.

Stomping around, pacing barefoot, I try to make sense of what the hell is going through my husband's mind. In the end, I can't figure it's anything good. All the conclusions I come to are either about his past, his age, or his growing boredom with me as his wife. None of them are rational in the sense where I go 'Oh, maybe having a family has really changed him and he understands humanity a bit better' because I can't fathom the most kind person in the world forgiving someone like Jasper. I just can't. Time and time again my life has taken me down destructive paths and my homes have been taken. It's a pattern that's been set for me, and I used to be okay with that so long that at the end of the day those who hurt me so much were punished. This time, that didn't happen. Sure, Caesar and his Legion bastards are all dead, but Jasper isn't. And worse, she has someone who _loves_ her. Everyone likes to romanticize mine and Charon's love affair, but really it was horribly, painfully, brutally lonely and difficult. It was like this game of catch-and-release, and a lot of work and a lot of patience. In the end, yes we won but the battle…sometimes I really wanted to give up. I was younger then, and had the energy to fight it. But do I have that energy anymore? Can I really continue to fight for a man who may not even love me as he once did? I've never been insecure before, really. Never felt threatened by someone like I feel threatened by Jasper.

Maybe, because, Jasper reminds me of myself. So much so. Jasper is innocent, sheltered, to some degree, and doesn't know ass or heads of the Capital Wasteland. Same like I was when I came from the vault. My skin was never this dark before. It changed, and in some ways, I see a lot of myself in Jasper. And if I know myself, I know that I wouldn't have stopped at anything to get Charon's affections. I know, that Zack is in her life, but I also know that women like me have this attraction to men who turn out to be not-so-healthy choices. Butch being one of them. Then there was Jericho, but I never really wanted him and didn't do anything with him. Charon was this ultimate bad-boy to my naïve vault-eyes. I saw him through rose-colored glasses and had no idea getting him to return those feelings would be as hard as it was. Jasper, I fear, sees me now as that challenge. That 'Oh I can fix him' kind of ideal. Yeah, she can fix him, if she takes him away from me.

None of these fears are founded. Not one. Other than that I see myself in her. Other than that she seems like the type who with time and patience, can become a productive member of society. I could just be overtired, overreacting, and overdramatizing the entire situation. I don't know. My mind is so flooded with fears and insecurities I'm not used to. Even when I faced Lily, I didn't feel this way. I was sad over losing Charon, but deep down I knew he'd come back to me. I knew Lily couldn't hold a candle to me. But Jasper…she has the potential to be just like me. And Dizzy? Dizzy I know would freak out if I even spoke to her about this. Plus I don't think a mother should involve her daughter in the unfounded marital issues she's having. But I always have to remember, that Dizzy is Charon's little girl. Those two are closer than close and he's her hero. If Charon left, or took off with some woman, or anything bad…it would utterly destroy Dizzy. She'd blame me at first, and I'd have to idly sit by and help her while undergoing verbal abuse and staying up all night hoping she didn't run after him. Like me, Dizzy is impulsive. But like her father, she is dangerous and calculating. Dear Atom I hope that nothing bad happens.

"Dezbe, what are you doing?"

Charon says, as he walks over to me. I knew he would follow me, I just didn't want or expect him to.

"Thinking, pacing, wondering if I'm the last sane person on earth."

"Well. That would be interesting to see. You being the only sane person and all."

I snatch his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and light one. It seems I can never argue with him unless I'm smoking. That way I have something to put in my mouth to shut me up so I can hear his side of the story. Not that I listen to his side, but still.

"Charon have you gone mental? What is wrong with you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you forgiving Jasper! About all these emotional changes you've undergone since getting the kids back from New Vegas! What the hell? Is it me? I thought we were doing good these past twenty-odd years in being together and _talking_?"

Charon blinks at me, looking more confused than anything. I know this is coming from left field, but so didn't him forgiving Jasper.

"Dezbe, understand Jasper saved my life. She, like me, was unable to think for herself for a very long time."

"Since when are you an expert on her?"

"It is just what I have gathered. Anyone in that situation deserves a chance, and I am a prime example of that."

"The Charon I knew wouldn't be so forgiving."

He sighs and rubs his temples.

"People change, Dezbe. People change."

We stare at one another, lit by the moonlight, surrounded by the boulders and dirt. The same environment we were in when we met. Everything, Megaton aside, is the same. The only thing that seems to have changed is us.

"Yeah. People do change, Charon, you're right. But I thought we were going to change together."

"Perhaps then we have changed too much."

I stare at him, fighting off tears as my heart beats. The only real live I've ever known, is with Charon. But a part of me feels he might be right. Maybe people change to the point where they can't change together anymore. But I can't imagine, a life without Charon, when everything I've done out here has been either with him, because of him, or for him.

"What do you want to do about it, then?"

I ask, my voice shaking, and my hand trembling as I bring my cigarette to my lips.

"You mentioned a vacation earlier."

Time away from everyone, to remember why we decided to stay together and why we fell in love? That's a good idea. I sometimes have good ideas.

"Yeah, where you wanna go?"

I ask him, and he shakes his head.

"No. Maybe, perhaps we need time apart from one another. Time to think, and see if this is still something we want to do together."

Charon does want to leave. He stares at me, as the tears flow down my cheeks. I make no sound, but we both know. I don't know how my life will go without him. The last time we were apart, I lived in seclusion for five years. It wasn't mainly because he left, but I had believed I killed him. I know, with the family I have, Dizzy and Cain, seclusion is no longer an option. But I've never had to be strong on my own. Maybe that's what he wants to teach me. How to be strong on my own. He has no idea, though, that when he was chasing the Outcasts, when I was in New Vegas, and all the times in between, I was strong. I was strong, and brave, and did it. I did it all.

"So you want to leave? You want to throw away forty some-odd years of your life now?"

"Dezbe, when you are over three-hundred years old, forty years is…nothing."

"So everything we've done together, all the time and effort I put into you, all the adventures and wars, they were nothing?"

"That is not what I am saying."

"Seems like it. So in the end, I was nothing? Just another event in your life, right? Another milestone to sit and ponder while you wander the Capital Wasteland. I get it. Fine."

"Dezbe, no. I…just need to think about if this is the life I want to continue to lead."

"You mean, the life you want to continue to lead with me."

He says nothing, but we both know the answer. Out of anger, frustration, fear, and sadness, I bring something up. Something that Charon has no idea of to this day, and something that won't make the situation any better.

"I should have stayed with Gob."

He raises an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I should have stayed with Gob! I should have stayed with him instead!"

"What are you talking about Dezbe?"

I throw my cigarette to the ground and light another one, angrily waving my hands in the air.

"When you were off chasing the Outcasts, when you were gone and left me without so much as a goodbye handshake, I slept with Gob! I slept with Gob! I was with him and he loved me! He wouldn't have left! He wouldn't have…been so easily manipulated by everyone! He wouldn't have left me for three different girls!"

"You…and Gob?"

"Yes!"

His facial expressions change from confused, to thinking, and then to hurt and rage. He storms towards me, and it reminds me of when he would regress back into his training. When we first met the people who trained him. When we ourselves first met, and Charon was introduced to anger. A part of me gets excited, but a smarter part of me, gets very, very afraid.

"Why are you telling me now? Why did you not think to tell me sooner?"

He tries to intimidate me with his height. By standing toe-to-toe with me, puffing out his chest, and staring down at me. But there's two things he forgets. One is that I know him, and I know this knee-jerk reaction, and two, is that I am taller than 90% of the Capital Wasteland citizens, and far braver. I can stand my own against him. Events in our past have proven that time and time again. I am not afraid of him.

"Because there was no need. I didn't think you were ever coming back, and I sought comfort in the arms of someone who was always constant and caring in my life. Is that so goddamned bad? No. You're overreacting."

I cross my arms in front of my chest. I make myself look bigger. I stare him down just as he does to his enemies. There's a lot you learn about body language and psychology from spending forty years with a trained mercenary.

"Overreacting? About hearing my wife slept with my best friend? I think you are highly mistaken."

"It was over twenty years ago, what the hell do you care now?"

"You betrayed me, and then lied about it."

"Oh like you're Mr. Righteous! Lily and Amata? Remember them? I do, that was _so much fun_ dealing with _that_ emotional train wreck. My _one _incident can't even hold a candle to all the shit I've had to put up with from you over these forty years together."

"You are not a walk in the park, either Dezbe. You are insatiable, impatient, loud, annoying, aggravating, as well as stupid when it comes to your own safety. I am surprised we were able to raise a decent child with the way you have gone about things."

"You bring my parenting into this Charon and I swear I will kill you myself. For real this time."

"And having to deal with your selfishness, your spoilt behavior, your need for everything to be your way, the _countless_ amounts of people you have let die in the name for a cause that never existed."

"Coming from you! How many people have you killed? Your hands aren't very clean either you know!"

I guess the end point is that everyone makes mistakes. That's part of human nature, we're allowed to make them. But when you're fighting with someone you've made mistakes with, it gets blown up and thrown in your face tenfold.

"I can see now, why your father chose to leave you in the vault. You would be not only a liability but a hazard to his project."

"You know what I can't see? Why I keep choosing to come back to you after _everything_! Why time and time again we end up back together. That's what I _can't_ see!"

"Then go be with Gob! Go run and be with him since you cannot stand to spend one moment of your pitiful existence alone!"

The moment the words come from his mouth, Charon regrets them. I stare at him, hiding any hint of emotion behind a well-built wall. One I've spent my entire life constructing.

"I think you're right, Charon. This marriage isn't working."

"I never stated that it was not."

"I did. It isn't working. You should go, before the kids figure out where you've run off to."

"I am not leaving my daughter."

I step back to light a cigarette. He's still shirtless, and I'm still wearing his shirt. Remembering that, I take it off and toss it to him. The old me never had an issue with nudity, and neither does the now me.

"You're not staying here where I can see you, or I promise, I will kill you."

"Why not leave yourself? All those scientists went up to the Commonwealth. It would be better if you followed them there."

"They died, and you're aware of this. If they're not, they're very old. My place is here. It has always been here. You're the one who's been all over the world. Go see how the rest of it is doing. I won't miss you."

"I am _not_ leaving my daughter without telling her why I have left."

"Dizzy does not need to know about our marital problems. I'll tell her you went on a trip to find yourself. It won't be wholly false."

"She will seek me out, you are aware."

I shrug, angry and wanting to smoke my cigarette as he puts his top on.

"Not right now she won't. And she's an adult, she can go where she wants and do what she wants. Hopefully Cain won't end up like you."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

I narrow my eyes, not really feeling anything. I think I'm in emotional shock.

"Imagine, if Cain and Dizzy were having this conversation. Imagine what you'd do to him."

"I would kill him."

"Exactly. And I hope my daughter _never_ has to go through what we are now. Ever. But he will. He will, because he is _exactly_ like you."

"…Do not use my daughter to win this argument, Dezbe. There are differences, and you know this. All this has shown me is that I am sure, this is not the life I desire anymore."

I shake my head at him, and point to the far off distance, towards the city.

"Then go. Leave."

"And yourself?"

I shrug.

"I'll finish building. I'll do what I do best, and adapt. Without you. It's going to be new, but I think I'm going to enjoy it."

"The children?"

"They will do whatever they want to. They're adults now."

Charon seems hesitant to leave. I don't know why. He's already stated that he doesn't want to be with me, and that he isn't happy. Why the second thoughts now? I light my third cigarette as the second goes out, and begin to walk away from him. If he won't start this, then I will. Soon, I hear his footsteps going off. They walk, crunching the sand just like they always have. Heavy, and slow. I stop for a moment, and realize exactly what's going on.

My marriage is over. I know in my heart, if Charon comes back, I won't be able to forgive him. Because he's not just leaving me this time, he's leaving everyone, at a time when we need him. When he's supposed to be a pillar for us to lean on. I won't be the only one affected by this anymore, either. Roy will, Fawkes, Gob, Dizzy and Cain. All of them, even the surviving Megaton citizens. Who will protect them now? It can't be me on my own, because I'm just one woman. Charon is leaving behind a lot right now, over something that maybe we could have talked about. But I know him. I know he's stubborn, and when he gets this way the best thing for him is to…let go.

I look back and see that Charon isn't walking anymore, either. He's stopped, and has his back to me. Almost like he's frozen there, and can't figure out how to walk. I don't want him to know that I've looked back, because I know looking back means you have doubts. Means you want to try and fix it, and I don't want him to know how I feel anymore. But before I can start walking again, Charon looks back, too.

We stare at one another for a minute. He's thinking what I'm thinking. That for the past forty years, we've been together. We've done everything together, and now we're about to try living alone. Try making a life without the other one in it. I don't know about him, but I don't particularly want to do that. It's not that I can't be alone, it's because I don't _want_ to be alone. At least, not without Charon. Standing up straight, I feel the tears falling down, as I remember the night we met. I certainly wasn't topless, but, I was young. And I marched back into the Ninth Circle, and I demanded his contract so then, he couldn't really kill me. I bought his contract, and we went, and…he saved my life. He did that a lot our first few months together.

A flash of lightning, and a clap of thunder from above, scares me. I look up to see dark clouds rolling in. It's going to rain, soon. Realizing I've looked away, I quickly look back to see Charon, doing the same thing. Looking up at the sky. I don't know why, but watching him stand there, looking up at the sky, makes something stir inside me. Something, that I haven't felt in…over twenty years. Something, that I didn't even realize was missing. I can finally see it, I can finally feel it, and when Charon looks down and back at me, I can tell, he feels it, too. He can see it, and for just a silent moment, we stare at one another.

I didn't fall in love with him, because I felt like I couldn't be alone. I didn't love him, because he provided me with safety, or because he was a 'bad boy'. Charon was under contract for a good portion of our time together. Had I fallen in love with the 'bad boy' side of him, it would have been over long ago. But I realize now, that I fell in love with him, simply because Charon is Charon. Because he loves me like nobody else in this world can or will. It's why I chose to go back to him all those times. Chose to forgive him, chose to continue this life with him. Because the moments when we're alone at night, and there's nobody around for miles, be it after a war with someone else or ourselves, those moments, that nobody else sees, are what this is about. That comfort, that love, that having someone there who can tell it to you like it is, see you for the horrible person you can sometimes be, and still, after all of it, look you in the eyes and tell you they love you.

Lately, for a while, Charon and I have neglected to take care of ourselves. We spent so much time raising Dizzy and Cain, worrying about them, chasing them, helping them, that in all of it, we forgot to nurture and love our own relationship. We've forgotten, that we too are people who need love and care. It's a mistake I feel a lot of parents make, but a lot of parents aren't us. A lot of parents would walk away at this moment, and start fresh. But as Charon and I stare at one another, yards apart, I know, we are not a lot of parents. We really, are just two people who temporarily forgot what brought us together. Forgot that without the other, one would cease to exist. That isn't weakness, that's having the strength to give so much of yourself to someone else, that they can hurt you to no end. We've forgotten, no matter how much we were apart, we always chose to come back together. I chose to chase him, and get him from the Outcasts and Talons, and he chose to ignore his contract, and chase me all over the Capital Wasteland. And I can finally see that.

I feel a drop of rain on top of my head. It acts like the push I need, to accept that it can't be the end. My eyes are worn, cold, and sad. And that small raindrop, let's me know, that it's okay. It's all okay, and going to be okay, as I run towards him, shamelessly crying. When he sees me running, he doesn't stand still, but opens his arms wide. The look in his eyes makes me crazy, and the darkness around us breaks. I jump into his arms, and wrap my legs around his waist, as if a wave pushed me right into him. I cry, clinging to him, holding him as tight as I can as I feel his face pressing into my bare chest, and the wetness of his cheeks rubbing against my skin. Lifting my head, I put my hands on his cheeks while he steadily holds me. I pick his head up to look him in the eyes, and see he's just as cold and sad as I am.

"This can't be the end, Charon."

He shakes his head at me, as another clap of thunder echoes across the Capital Wasteland. Our hope has burned with time, but as the rain falls around us, I know that anything that's dead can be regrown. And…we'll be fine.

"I'm sorry."

I tell him, kissing his forehead. He stares up at me, silent, but I can feel his heart pounding in his chest.

"I'm sorry. You've always been there, to pick me up, to save me, to work with me towards some stupid goal or adventure. I can't do this without you. I don't want to."

He stares at me, and I want so badly for him to say something. To say anything, say that we'll be alright, say he loves me and that all of this can be fixed. Instead he puts me down on the ground, in the mud, and I feel it between my toes. My heart pounds with nerves, I shake with cold and fear. What's going to happen? I plead with him silently, to please, just say something. He raises his hand, and gently strokes my cheek. Closing my eyes, I press my cheek into his hand. I love him, he makes me feel alive, and I want him to stay with me until the end of time. Opening my eyes, I look up at him, at how the rain falls all around him, but never seems to hit him in just the right way.

"It is always hard to speak, when you look at me like that."

Charon says, and I can't help but smile through my tears as I sink a bit in the mud.

"As long as you say something good."

I tell him, still scared, still hoping. He smiles slightly at me, and I shake my head.

"I don't want my house to be a lonely box with just me. We've always come back to one another, we've always loved one another. There has…to be more to us, than just burnt out parents who forgot how to love one another…"

"There is so much more to us."

A man of many words. Standing on my tip toes, I wrap my arms around his shoulders. Nervous, like I was when we first kissed in the Ninth Circle, I hesitate. We stare at one another, and I realize, how scared I am. I know if I kiss him right now, I'm opening myself up for a world of hurt if he still wants to leave. Charon sees this in my eyes, and leans down to close the hesitant gap I created. It's been years, decades, since I've felt this much love and passion in one of our kisses. It makes me realize just how much is missing in our lives together. How much our romance and love has dried over the years. The sex has always been amazing, but there's more to it than just sex. Neither of us realized how much was lacking, how far we had grown from one another. Maybe, it took us fighting and almost leaving for good, for us to realize it. I'm scared to think of what could have happened, if only one of us realized what we were about to lose.

"I love you."

I whisper to him, and he puts his forehead against mine.

"I love you too. For better, or worse."

"Yeah. That's how it's supposed to be. Can't just let you walk away without a fight, can I?"

"I do not think I could have lived, unless you came with me at this point in my life."

"Oh yeah?"

"I am conditioned to living alongside you. I cannot imagine a life where you were not in it."

"Even if forty some odd years isn't a lot to a three-hundred-something-year-old ghoul?"

"Those forty years, have meant more to me, changed more about me, and left so much more of an impact on my mind, than all the other years combined."

I realize, how right he is. How because of my horrible nature I forced him to change his thinking. Change everything about himself, that he's known and lived with. And he's done exactly the same to me, too.

"You know why people fight, Charon?"

"Why?"

"To remind the other person how much they care."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. That's so."

He smiles, and kisses me again. I wonder if he knew I loved him? If he remembered, that even though it's been forty years, that I still love him just the same, if not more, than the first time we ever met. Well, since the first time we decided to start this together, I mean. I feel bad, because it takes two in a relationship, so half of this is my fault.

"Are you cold?"

Charon asks, pulling away. I look up at him, confused, until I look down.

"Oh, yeah it's kinda cold with the rain."

A light bulb clicks on in Charon's head when I mention it's raining. He looks around, and back at me.

"Dezbe, it is raining."

"I know."

"The missile set off a blast of radiation, and yet, it has begun to rain."

I connect the dots, and finally see what he's trying to say. The weather. When the Great War happened, there had been no rain in the Capital Wasteland, until I purified the water. Radiation has negative effects on the atmosphere, no shit about that. But the fact, that it's raining so soon after another nuclear attack, means one thing. And that one thing, is that the environment is hardly affected by what's going on around it.

"That means…the grass! It could come back!"

"Yes, and the crops, and the water in the river is still pure. Dezbe this is not acidic rain, this is _fresh."_

I stare at him, smiling and overjoyed. Maybe there won't be a need for a new G.E.C.K after all. Maybe, just maybe, the world can fix itself on its own this time, without the extra boost. Staring up at the rain, smiling, I feel Charon's hand around my forearm.

"Dezbe, come with me."

I look back down at him.

"Where?"

"Springvale. Come with me."

He says nothing more, but starts to drag me in the direction of the small town just slightly north of Megaton. It's not a long walk, and I know that the area was sorta-kinda left alone from the missile that hit Megaton, mainly protected by the hills and the boulders that are everywhere on this side of the Capital Wasteland.

"Why are we here?"

I ask Charon as he half drags me through the mud. He realizes that I don't have shoes on, and puts me on his back, piggy style. I don't fight that, because I like not having to trudge through the mud. But he still hasn't answered my question. Instead he walks silently through Springvale, until he comes upon a small in-tact house. One I remember an old hooker from Moriarty's named Silver living in.

Charon still says nothing, as he opens the door. Once inside, I get off of his back, and look around. It's a small house, with a small kitchen, and living space. There's a bed, some chairs, and some wood. For a minute, I think that we should just live here, but then I remember Dizzy and Cain. It isn't big enough and I know that those two aren't ready to fend for themselves.

"Dez?"

Charon says my name, as he takes off his wet shirt. I look at him, still only in my underwear, and lean against a nearby wall.

"Nice place. Waiting out the rain in a house that doesn't leak is a good idea."

"That is not why I brought you here."

He walks towards me, and together we light cigarettes. The only two not completely soaked by the rain.

"Why, then?"

Charon sighs, exhaling smoke. It's dark in here, and I don't feel like putting on my Pip-Boy light. The ambiance of it all, the feel, the darkness, and quiet…it's almost like…when we first met. He stands in front of me, as I lean against the wall. I feel his thumb stroking my jawline, as his milky white-blue eyes shine in the night.

"We have forgotten. You were right. Over the years, we have forgotten how to love, and care for one another. We have forgotten, how we were, before the children, before the settling down, and before anything. When we were simply us, fighting everyone, and going place to place with nothing but our packs and bodies."

"Finding shelter in any place we could that wasn't near any enemies…"

"And having just ourselves to worry about."

Charon's thumb runs along my bottom lip. We drop our cigarettes to the ground, as he leans in to kiss me. I feel like it's the first night we spent together. Like two nervous people trying to figure out the act of sex, with tangled clothes and bumping elbows. The rain and thunder and lightning outside illuminates the house and sets an atmosphere that we've forgotten existed. An ambiance of two adults, realizing just how much the other means to them. Something we very nearly just lost.

I try to pull him towards the bed, but instead, Charon lifts me up and places me against the counter in the small kitchen. He kisses me, trembling with nerves as if we've never done this before. As if it's our first time all over again. But passion soon takes the place of nervous fears, as I pull the shirt from his back. It takes my mind about 0.2 seconds to decide I want to spend the night here. To decide that I want a night, for just me and my favorite monster, as if we haven't grown and aged so much, and there's still a million and one people chasing us wanting our heads.

When we part for air, I reach down to take his belt off. I haven't felt so alive in years. I haven't felt so young, and nervous, afraid and excited in so many years, that all of this feels so new to me.

"You are mine, Dezbe."

"I know."

I tell him, as he kissed down the side of my neck.

"I refuse to allow you to be with anyone else, no matter what."

I realize he's upset about Gob. That it's in his mind, since I told him, and he's scared he'll anger me enough to the point where I run into Gob's arms. That'll never happen. I don't want it to happen, and it won't. Because for me, there's nobody but Charon.

"I love you."

I tell him, before he silences me. I can feel he's still trembling with nerves, but it's alright, because I am too. It's been so long that we've just only had ourselves, we've both forgotten what it was like. But it's alright, because right now, we have all the time in the world to figure it out again. And right now, there's nobody else that matters as much as he does to me.


	34. Anything That's Dead Can Be Regrown

(Dezbe)

The morning sunlight tickles my eyes. I feel it, as it rouses me from the most comfortable sleep I've had in I can't remember when. Beside me, Charon lays, on the bed in the house he took me to in Springvale. We spent the night together, talking, remembering, having sex, and reminding ourselves that the passion and emotions that brought us together are still very much real, and very much alive. And that, as long as we remember to be selfish from time to time, we can still grow and change together.

Sitting up, I yawn, and look outside to see the Capital Wasteland. Bright, warm, sunny, after a night of torrential downpours. It makes me smile, as I clear a piece of hair from my face. Charon stirs next to me, and I feel his lips against my bare waist.

"Morning."

I tell him, still smiling. He opens his eyes, wiping the sand from them. He doesn't sit up, but buries his head in my lap. Last night, he too, realized a lot of things about himself that he had forgotten. Like how he does need me, in his own way. While I learned, all my fears about Jasper, we perfectly empty.

"It is not morning."

Charon tells me, his lips grazing my thighs.

"It is morning, and we have work to do."

Sighing, Charon sits up and looks out the window. His bare chest is still as attractive to me now as it was when I first saw it. I run my fingertips along his flesh and muscle, smiling to myself.

"Hm. Dezbe?"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Come back here with me tonight. I would like to put some time aside for us these next few weeks."

"Weeks?"

Charon looks at me, and I raise an eyebrow.

"We have a lot of things that need to be addressed."

"Bad things?"

"Things we have forgotten. Like how we came to be, and all we did. One night, cannot make up for twenty years of two forgetful people."

Charon Speak: I want to spend more time with you so we can remember that we're awesome and I also feel really insecure about you sleeping with Gob and need to sex your brains out and save your life a few times so I can remind myself I am ultimate badass. At least, that's what I've gathered. Either way, I'm happy with the outcome of the situation. Some time for us, without anyone around to be an annoyance or bother is nice. It's warming. I like that idea.

"I'd like that."

I say to him, smiling. He sighs happily back as he stares out the window again.

"I almost wish to stay here for the day…"

"The kids are probably worried and Roy and them are probably getting ready to go to bed. We gotta go."

Leaning over, I grab my underwear from the floor and slip them on. Tossing Charon his pants, I can see the disappointment in his face. He really does want to stay. I feel kind of guilty on making him rush out of bed like this now, but really, if Megaton didn't need us, believe me I'd more than happily stay in a bed with him, in a house not many people know about, with nobody knowing where we are. It's perfect for us. Especially when we're both aware of the work our marriage needs.

"We'll sneak back here tonight. I'll make you some Squirrel Stew or something. In my underwear."

Charon peers up at me as he slips on his pants.

"It is not just the sex we need."

"Tell me about it. But hey, as long as we're together, right?"

"Hm. Please do not cook. You…tend to create small explosions when you do."

I want to yell at him, but he's right. So I just puff my cheeks out and roll my eyes.

"Fine, starve. See if I care. I think I'm a damn good cook."

"On the rare occasions the food is able to safely leave to stove. Here, put this on."

He hands me his shirt. Stubbornly, I put my arms over my breasts and turn my nose up to him.

"No. I'll walk back, like this."

Charon's eyes narrow, and he wiggles the shirt in front of my face.

"No, you will wear this."

"Nope! Naked!"

Putting my hands on my hips I give him a smirk. It's then I realize that he's not kidding around about me wearing his shirt.

"Dezbe. I can make Death cry for mercy. How do you think I will feel, if all of Megaton sees you topless?"

Valid point. I take his shirt and slip it over my head. He nods in approval at me, as his shirt hangs over my chest. It's damp, and cold, but I know it'll be warm and dry by the time we reach Megaton thanks to the warm desert sun.

"You're really protective today, aren't you?"

Not that I mind. In fact, I don't mind at all. He can be as protective of me as he wants. Like seriously. I'm totally cool with it. It was one of the things he stopped doing as much as we got older. When we were first together, he'd stand _really_ close to me, and make it known that _nobody_ could talk to me unless they cleared a check with him. I miss that.

"It was brought to light how easily I could lose you. That is all."

He puts his hand on the small of my back and urges me towards the door. Neither one of us has weapons, but we made it here alright, and I feel pretty safe with Charon. I always have. No weapons isn't an issue nowadays. Before it was, but not so much anymore. Unless we're planning a trip further. Then they're needed.

"Ready to head on home?"

"I suppose."

Charon tells me as he opens the door. I don't mind walking home barefoot now that I can see where I'm walking. After all, it's not that long of a walk.

"Think the kids noticed us missing?"

I ask, and he shrugs, keeping an uneasy eye out for danger. He's completely defenseless, almost. With no top armor, and no gun, I don't think I've seen Charon so vulnerable in the Wastes before. It's kind of refreshing.

"I would imagine most of the citizens did."

Charon's right. When we come into view of Megaton, everyone stops working and comes to ask where we went to all night. Dizzy and Cain get the hint pretty quickly. Most of Megaton does, but they don't ask many questions. Roy and a few of the ghouls give us a look, but we shrug it off. After I get on my own armor, I figure I've stalled the day enough, and it's time for another long day of working.


	35. No Love Left to Rye

(Gob)

Charon an' Dez's disappearance gave everyone an uneasy feeling this morning. Wasn't like nobody heard them running off to argue in the Wastes last night, though. We didn't hear much, jus' the first half of it all before the sounds went out of earshot. Most of us we're too tired or sick to really stay awake and listen anyways. Plus with the rainstorm an' all, we've had enough on our minds.

Rain so soon after a missile to the land means a lot around here. It means that the earth wasn't much affected by the radiation, and that there's hope of crop renewal faster than we expected. It made me get my ass in gear with making a small generator, to start giving the town power again. We got most of the houses up an' running, but it ain't like before. I got the blueprints out where everyone can see 'em. Really they ain't blueprints, but a sketch I did from memory of what the town looked like before the missile hit. It helps, but there ain't gonna be as many signs up as there were. Mainly because we don't have the resources to waste at the moment making signs. But the town, for the most part, is coming along nicely. Even got the Brahmin fence rebuilt an' crop areas re-lined for when someone goes to find the G.E.C.K again. Barrows says there's seeds down in Rivet City some fancy-ass scientist has been workin' on. Says he can't promise full results, but shit, it's a start.

Generating electricity ain't that hard, since Rivet City was more than happy to give us some of their old generators that didn't work anymore. Didn't work my ass. Someone was just too goddamned lazy to fix 'em, or it's to just make us feel better about accepting help. I don't know how anyone else feels around here, but I don't give a Molerat's ass where it comes from, as long as it'll work.

To be honest I've been working on this thing since the sun rose. I've had a sleepless night, what with Zack bringing that girl home again. We were up most of the night arguing about her staying with us. I sure as shit don't want her here, but according to Zack, Charon's all for giving her a test run to see if she can be trusted. Even splint up her arm for her. Which is nice, since Church has more important matters to tend to with the survivors. I don't like the girl. I mean, Jasper was a nice thing and all, but after what she did it's gonna take a long while for her to get on my good side. Not that I have a bad side, but still. Only reason I'm tolerating her in my new home is because Zack loves her. And damned if that boy ain't a sucker for love.

Lookin' up from my generator, I'm pleased with how Megaton is turning out. Since the crater is even larger than before, it's easy to almost duplicate what we had. My home is in the same place it was, everyone's is really. Everything just looks a bit…different. But a change is good. A fresh look for Megaton ain't bad. Just shit on how it came to be is all. Going back to my generator, I find myself thinkin' of Nova. I tend to do that a lot these days. Almost dying an' losin' my kid kinda makes you wonder what would have happened if things turned out a bit different. I sure as shit wouldn't be here had the Brotherhood killed Zack all those years ago. Mainly cuz a man can only take so much. Nova's death was hard to bear, but losin' my newborn son too? Have to admit, I ain't strong like Dez or Charon. I would have just lost it. Can still remember Nova's face, clear as day. Which is surprising considering how much time has passed. I know my friends 'round here want me to get up and find a new woman, but it ain't that easy. I just don't put the effort into lookin' really. Got more important things on my mind than a relationship. Maybe when the town is all set I'll venture off an find a woman. I don't know, depends on if I'm needed here.

As I'm workin' with some wires, someone comes over and blocks my light. Usually people only bother me when I'm workin' for tools. Since my house is all set, I like to work behind it, out of everyone's way for the time being.

"Tools are inside, to the left. Put 'em back when you're done."

I say, popping a smoke in my mouth. The shadow doesn't leave, and I look over my shoulder to see Charon peering down at me. He's got his whole armor on now, as opposed to earlier when he came back into town half-naked, with a half-naked Dez. They claimed they left that way. I can see Dez doin' that, but not Charon.

"I need to speak with you."

I've known Charon longest in this town. Longest in his life, far as I can tell. An' still, to this day, I am not used to how scary that man can be. It sends a shudder down my spine, though I figure he only needs to speak with me about town shit. It's all he talks to anyone about these days. Ain't no time for much else.

"Sure thing. Was gonna have a smoke break anyways. Pull up a seat."

I motion to a stool I made from some salvaged parts too small for much else. Charon sits, and I cringe at how his weight might break the damn thing. We all know Charon aint' a fat man, but he's got muscles to boot. That plus his armor and gun ain't much on the lighter side of things.

"What about? Town need anything? I already have Zack laying down the water pipes. Same places as usual. Luckily most of 'em survived, and those that didn't were easy fixes."

Not many people knew that Megaton had running water. Came from the river. When the missile hit, Zack and I were able to easily find where it all connected due to the flooding that took place. Never knew that was how it worked. Jus' figured there was a series of 'em leftover from pre-war. Turns out the folks that originally built Megaton were smarter than we gave 'em credit for.

"I know what happened between you and Dezbe."

It takes my mind a quick minute to figure out what he's talkin' about. But even then, I ain't gonna admit to nothin' until he says it. Charon's got a temper, and I ain't keen on being at the receiving end of it.

"Yeah? What happened?"

Play it dumb, an' pretend I forgot. Best I can think of, since my best friend wouldn't hesitate to kill me for touchin' his woman. Which I understand. I'd feel the same about Nova. But if he knows, than he knows that Dez is the only person I've been with since Nova. An' that's what probably bothers him. That an' you know, me sleeping with his woman. But to be fair neither one of us figured he'd be back.

"I know you slept together, Gob. Playing stupid will not help your cause."

My heart ain't beat so fast since Nova first told me she liked me. I stare at Charon as he lights a cigarette.

"Charon, look I didn't know if you were comin' back, an' Dez and I were both lonely, an' it kinda just…_happened_."

"Lying does you no good, either. She told me all of it last night."

"Shit."

"I came here to tell you a few things."

I should pack up Zack and that girl of his and head out to find a new home.

"Alright."

Ain't nothing else I can say.

"You are a good man, Gob. I understand why it happened. I know you and Dez have always been close. If anything happens to me, I hope you will take good care of Dezbe, and Dizzy, and make sure they stay safe. But until then…if I find out anything else happened, or has a chance of happening, I will not hesitate to act."

Shocked ain't the word to fully express how I'm feelin' at this moment. I stare at Charon more than a bit dumbstruck. Here this guy is, tellin' me he's not gonna kill me after sleepin' with his woman. He stands up, and I stand with him. In fact, Charon's tellin' me he _wants_ me to be with Dezbe if anything were to happen to him.

"I'll do my best, and I understand. The last part. I wouldn't do anything to ruin what you have with Dez. Ain't my style. But while we're being honest here, I do love the girl. I'm happy jus' bein' there for her, and bein' her friend, but hurt her again Charon, an' well, I ain't gonna threaten you, but I ain't gonna stand down, either."

Charon sticks out his hand, and I shake it. He says nothin' more, and starts to walk back down to help the people build again. I stare at him while he walks down, and see Zack walkin' up. Charon is a puzzle, that's for damn sure. I don't have a clue what happened last night, but I feel like Charon's back to his usual self. The self I knew before Dizzy came, an' before everything bad happened. The cold, standoffish, scary Charon that he was when he was under contract. Not a man of many words, but not a man you'd wanna trifle with, either. I respect my friend a lot more now.

"Hey dad, I've finished laying the pipes. They go to the public bathrooms, and I set up plumbing in a few of the bigger homes and ours. And the bars, too."

Zack tells me, an' it gets my head back into workin' mode.

"What's Jasper doin'?"

I feel the need to keep tab on her, since Zack told me he's taking punishment for anything Jasper does wrong.

"Negotiating with the Rivet City caravans. She actually found another caravan coming from Canterbury Commons. They have a lot of supplies, since it's a mostly in-tact area. They're willing to help out for no trades, either. Couldn't believe she negotiated that."

Got a pretty set of eyes, an' a good pair of tits an' everything is free, despite what the world is like. I'm kind of pleased the girl ain't getting into any trouble so far.

"Good to hear. She tell Charon an' Dez?"

"Yeah she did, when they got back. So, any work for me?"

It's about high noon, and work that should have taken Zack a few weeks he's done in a few days. He has a good team, an' they work hard, so I can see how it worked out.

"Nothin' I can think of. Walk around, see who needs what an' lend a hand. You don't need my permission to do shit these days."

"Alright dad."

Zack takes off an' does exactly what I tell him. That boy…you'd think he ain't never seen a pretty face before. Guess 'round here he hasn't. He's jus' kissin' my ass so I don't bitch about Jasper bein' in the house. Though her making some new trade routes is pretty beneficial, an' impressive if you don't know much else. She ain't got no skills, can hardly fire a weapon, but shit, she can talk.

I figure I've spent too much time away from my generator. Almost got the damn thing up an' running now. Just a few more hours an' this baby will hooked up to the rest, an' we'll have power. Least for the time bein', till I can figure out how to power the lights with somethin' easier. Ain't like a lot needs power 'round here. Few bulbs in the homes, the lights we'll string outside, and the taverns. We don't use much, never have. Got some string lights from Little Lamplight. Sent down a citizen an' they came back chalk full of lights. Dunno how, they wouldn't say, an' nobody really asked much. I ain't never been to Little Lamplight, but I hear it's run by kids, an' that they're little shits. All we need now is a radio. Though sometimes Dezbe gets her Pip-Boy goin' an' we can hear it all around.

Pulling some gears and blowing sand out of my workspace, I figure I can have this thing up an' runnin by nightfall. Then tomorrow I can spent the day havin' Zack make the light strings, and send one of his team members out to start getting it into the homes. Give Zack some grunt work if he ain't got nothin' else busying him up. Not sure what Jasper will be doin', prolly helpin' him, since I can't figure she'll need to trade every day.

"Hey Gob?"

I hear Cain beckon for me. Now that boy…he knows his way around a battlefield, an' a gun, but basic shit like tools and whatnot, he's not too bright. Can't blame him much though. Charon taught him what he figured needed to be taught, an' while Charon and I are around you have a basic understanding of almost anything. Not to toot my own horn, but we're pretty good assets to have 'round here.

"Watcha need?"

I ask him, not pullin' my head out from the generator.

"Jasper…she uh…causing any problems?"

"What's up? You doin' patrol for Charon?"

I glance over an' see him shake his head. It's a bit odd, him not callin' 'em 'mom' an' 'dad' anymore. But they're not his parents and he's an adult.

"Dezbe."

Aw shit. Charon's one thing to look out for, but if you're on Dez's bad side, you might as well pack up and go. Charon will tell you outright to leave, or kill you, or you know he doesn't care for you an' it's best to head on out. But Dez…she'll not say a damn thing. She'll sit there and make your life hell though. Make jus' takin' a piss difficult. Dunno how she does it, but she just scares the crap outta some people. If Jasper is on Dez's shit list, Jasper won't be here very long.

"Jasper's been fine, made a new trade an' all. Figured Dez woulda known bout that."

"She does, but she wants to know if there's anything else going on is all."

"Not that I know of. She's been pretty good today. Then again it's her first day out here so I can't say much. Dez have a personal vendetta? Aside from her blowin' up the town an' all."

Cain looks like he wants to sit and talk. I grab a warm beer from the small case that Rivet City brought over, an' toss him one. He gets the hint, and sits where Charon sat. Damn stool is about to break with these men 'round here.

"Need a smoke too, kid?"

Cain shakes his head. I can tell he's been away from Dizzy for quite some time by the tired look in his eyes. It's weird, havin' an android as advanced as him runnin' around. Always nervous he's gonna shut down or Dizzy is gonna be like Dez an' take off somewhere without tellin' anyone anything, leavin' Cain to get all sick.

"So, what's up with Dezbe? I can tell you need to vent to someone who ain't gonna open their mouth about shit."

Cain takes a big breath in, and decides he needs a smoke after all. When he's done lightin' it, he tries to figure out how to talk it seems. I still get a weird feelin', knowing that if Charon were human at this very moment, Cain and him would be near impossible to tell apart.

"Ah, sorry Gob. Charon's going through stuff and it's affecting me and Dezbe just unloaded a bunch of other things on me."

I forget they got that freakish twin sense, too. Barrows says it only happens when a significant emotional or physical change happens, an' even then it's something like a gut feeling. Guessin' last night did a number on Cain since he's lookin' around more serious than usual. Those gut feelings go pretty hard, and mostly it's jus' Cain who feels it. That's how he was designed, an' that's how Barrows explained it. Though Charon would be able to tell if Cain's near or dead, Cain can tell when Charon is going through, like I said, a big emotional or physical change. Must be something freaky.

"It's alright, kid. Don't worry 'bout it. Charon is always like that, you know that. Any little thing sets off a big change in him."

"Hm. I know. Just not used to it. It's stronger when we're in close quarters for a long period of time. Bodily chemicals and all that."

"Gotcha."

"But Dezbe…she's…really nervous."

I raise my eyebrow an' peer over my generator while my hands hold gears in place.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. It's Jasper. Dez thinks she's up to something with Charon. Or wants to be. I don't know. Women."

Dez thinks Jasper is gonna go after Charon? Shit, Dez never thought anything like that before, about any woman. Even when Lily was right up the street, Dez didn't much care. Not like her to worry about women so much. Probably has no reason too, but then again a lot of what Dez has done seems to have no reason at first. Figure this is jus' somethin' new that they talked about last night. Nothin' to worry about right now.

"Tell Dez not to get her panties in a bunch. Jasper is fully involved with Zack, far as I can tell from one night of her bein' back. I think the girl might be a bit terrified of Charon and Dez to do much anyways."

"Yeah, that's what I told her too, but she didn't listen."

"Sounds like her. Best to just do what she asks an' it'll all blow over soon."

I can tell Cain is getting a bit nervous. He must haven't been near Dizzy all mornin', and it's afternoon now. But he finishes his beer and stands up, doin' his best to act normal.

"I gotta go find Dizzy. Nice talking you. See you tonight."

"Later, kid."

He heads off an' I'm hoping now I can work in peace. As I tinker, I can't help but get Charon's words out of my head. I woulda never guessed the guy would be so open like that, but then again there's a lot I woulda never guessed about a lot of things. Jasper being one of them. Cain looked a bit stressed out, but with Dez naggin' at him, Charon and his freaky twin sense, an' bein' away from Dizzy I can't blame the kid. Android or not, he's still kin to me. Sides, only a few of us really know that he's an android. Everyone else jus' assumes he's one of us.

I get the generator running before night, which clears my day up. It's too late to start a new project, since the sun is gonna set soon, and too early to head to bed. Since I haven't done manual labor, I'm not as tired as the rest of the folk. Lookin' around, I see the town has come quite a ways in these past few weeks. Some of the people are workin' on the raps. Charon and Dezbe are workin' on their own house, which is almost done, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say the town was damn near complete. I know it ain't, maybe a few more months before it's perfect. But for a bunch of people who just lost everything, we're doin' pretty damn good. Plus Rivet City sent some of their young men and women over to lend a hand. Most of the Megaton citizens are too sick to lift heavy things. Some can't even get out of the hospital. First thing we built was that. Made it a bit bigger, nothin' fancy. Same as it was before, just with an extra room. Barrows and Church spend their time in there, lookin' after those who got radiation poisoning. I can say though, that nobody has died after the missile. There were a lot of dead after it landed, sure, but since then, ain't much else. An' only a handful, if that, perished.

Megaton looks like Megaton. Though like I said, it's different. Only us who've lived here long enough know that, but still, it's coming along. Don't figure Charon is gonna rebuild the playground, since there ain't any kids around to play on it. Which is somewhat sad, but then again it's a lot quieter here without 'em. It makes me sad in a way. Seein' all this change happenin'. There's a part of me that…hell, there's a huge part of me that misses how it used to be. When Simms was around, when Nova and I took over the bar after Moriarty was murdered by Dez. I get sad, thinkin' of Nova sometimes. I have Zack as a piece of her, but damn if I don't miss that woman. She was beautiful.

I remember when I met her. I was at the bar first. I was there when Moriarty had Silver. That damn woman knew how to turn a trick or three, but she was stealin' from Moriarty. I never much cared for her, she wasn't too kind for me when Moriarty brought me in all fresh and new. Back then I had jus' left Carol's Place, after the stint between Greta, Charon an' me. It was dreary in that damn saloon, and I was depressed as depressed could be an' feelin' like the biggest failure around. After all, I was out not a week before I was caught by Slavers. Luckily Moriarty had 'em take that godforsaken collar off me. But I can still sometimes feel it on the back of my neck.

When Silver took off, Moriarty knew he had to get a new gal, lest he have to compete with the Brass Lantern. So he went out an' found Nova. Actually, she had borrowed some caps off of him, an' so sealed her fate. But when she walked in, my jaw damn dropped to the floor. She was beautiful, with her red hair, and that sultry voice. She was much nicer than Silver, and a lot tougher, too. Nova didn't take no shit from anyone. I was the only one she was kind to for a long while. I fell for her right then and there. An' that's really how it happened. She called me 'Sugar' an' I stuttered and stammered my way around her, till I felt comfortable enough to actually talk to her. Ain't no woman made me feel the way Nova did.

Then in comes Dezbe. I remember when I first met her, too. Nova and I were flirting with one another pretty heavily, but ain't nobody said nothin' yet. We were jus' testing the waters, an' I wasn't even sure if she was interested in a ghoul like me. But Dezbe walked in, lookin' lost and damn paler than I'd ever seen someone in the Wasteland. When I asked for her order, she jumped back, like she ain't never seen someone like me before. But damned if she wasn't kind. She tried real damn hard to hide that she wasn't from around here, but that jumpsuit she wore told everyone more than she would. She was a vault kid, and for that all the folk in Megaton had a prejudice against her. But she was sweet, so I gave her a discount.

After Dez left, Nova got mean. Turned out she was jealous at my kindness, accused me of flirting with a 'fresh face'. After she was done tearin' into me that night, even though her an' I weren't even an item, I told her my feelings. Moriarty was asleep, an' we were cleanin' up after a long day. Nova an' I were just flirting at the time, an' I explained to her that the new girl, Dez, looked like she jus' needed a friend. Nova shook her head at me an' I outright told her. I told her an' said ain't no other woman in the world for me than her. Nova didn't say much after that. She just got real quiet and swept. It was a few days later when she spoke to me again. I don't remember what she said, but it wasn't her returning her feelings for me. It was another few months, before that happened. After Dezbe had killed Moriarty and all. After Dez started getting' close to me an' Nova. At first I could tell Nova was threatened, but when Dez walked in with Charon, she changed a bit. Nova, I mean. She was more relaxed. When I called her on that, she jus' looked at me as we shared a drink after-hours and smiled. In that sultry voice she said,

"With a man like that with Dez, I don't need to have any more worries."

I don't know what she meant by 'man like that', but it didn't matter to me much. Nova was fine with everything, and we were back to our old selves. Can't tell you how happy it made me when she told me how she felt after Dez offed Moriarty though. Takin' over the bar with my own woman was the proudest I'd felt. Though Nova didn't want word gettin' round, fear of judgment and all. I understood that, but as Charon and Dez became more public, Nova did, too. Guess she just didn't want to be the only one bein' a ghoul-lover back then.

Nova an' I, we had some amazing times together. We were best friends, an' lovers. I don't like thinkin' about it too much, since it depresses me. But sometimes, I'll sit and think and remember all those times. Laughter from off in Dez's house's direction snaps me back, and I realize I've let my smoke burn out. Ah well, I didn't wanna finish it anyways. Lookin' over to my left, I see Dizzy practicing controllin' that radiation she's got goin' on. Cain laughs as she tries to irradiate him, while Dezbe watches on with Charon. Though Charon ain't smiling on the outside, I can see he's happy. Damn if I ain't jealous. Nova and I were gonna have a family like that one day.

Honestly, I ain't never dealt with the loss of her properly. When she died, Zack was instantly taken from me, and my worries were put with him. I couldn't cry over Nova, I didn't have the time to with a kid to raise. Didn't want him seein' his dad all sad. Even now I ain't gonna let him see it. But it gets harder and harder every day, especially when I watch my two friends having the life I want to live so badly.

"Are you alright?"

A soft female voice is behind me. I turn an' see Jasper peering up at me, concerned. I give her a look, an' turn away to look back towards Charon's house.

"Fine."

"You seem upset."

"I'm fine."

"I'm a good listener if you need to talk."

Turning back to her, I cross my arms.

"Look kid, I'm fine. Ain't got nothin' on my mind, an' even if I did, I wouldn't wanna share it with you."

Jasper nods, understanding, and a bit hurt. Hell I don't like being mean to people, but with her I don't know how to act. She goes off, probably to find Zack, and I go inside my house. Luckily it's finished, or I'd have nowhere private to escape to. Damn. I don't even have a picture of Nova. Even though I still remember what she looked like, I still want somethin' to show Zack. He has no idea. Only what I tell him, an' that's hardly enough. Sittin' down at a desk I made, I stare at the empty space in front of me. I imagine, that in some other world, Nova's still around. That she's here with me, an' she's with Zack, and we're all happy together. That Barrows fixed her up, like Dezbe so she can live as long as I can. An' she's just as pretty as she was the day we met. At night, we'd sit together and share a glass of wine, an' talk about the possibility of more children. She'd laugh at my jokes, an' call me that stupid 'Gobby' again. You never realize, how much those little things matter to you, till you don't have 'em anymore.

I used to get so mad at her callin' me that. We used to bicker over the smallest things. When we took over the bar, we'd bicker about prices, hours, how to keep caps, and what to use for the safe password. I guess back then, when we'd fight and sleep in different beds, we jus' assumed the person would be there in the morning. I know the night the Brotherhood came, we didn't think that night was any different than the one before. We put Zack to bed, an' crawled into bed ourselves. Talked for a bit, an' dozed off. In the mornin' I was gonna show Zack around the Mall, even though he was too young to remember. After that, Carol was gonna babysit, an' Nova an' I were gonna spend some time together. Just us. But it didn't happen that way. The Brotherhood came, and I'll be damned if Nova didn't fight. She fought so damned hard, but it wasn't enough. It simply wasn't enough…

In that other world, by now, Nova and I would have a couple of kids. Two, maybe three. We'd finally have that baby girl Nova always wanted, and we'd be a happy family. Sure times would be hard here and there, but we'd be dealing with them together. An' that's really all that matters. An' as I sit thinkin' about all that could have been, I find that I'm damn crying. Crying. Can you believe that? Me, crying. I almost laugh as I wipe the tears from my cheeks, but instead I just remember Nova all over again. I try to touch the memory I have of her, but I can't. It's damn impossible.

"Gob?"

I jump at hearin' Dezbe's voice. I look to see her in the doorway that leads to my entranceway.

"Hey, kid. Didn't hear you come in."

I try to hide that I'm a blubbering mess, but Dez is too damn quick an' I'm just too slow.

"Gob, what is it? What's wrong?"

Her concern moves me. I've only ever heard her use that voice on Charon or Dizzy when something was wrong. Hearing it being used on me…shit. It's warm, and it's damn nice.

"Jus' thinkin' of Nova."

"Oh, Gob…"

Dez doesn't say anythin'. Instead the girl jus' comes over, sits on the floor next to me, an' puts her hand and head on my lap. She doesn't need to say nothin'. Just knowin' she's there breaks my heart, and gives me that courage to do somethin' I've never done before: grieve for Nova.

I sit there, cryin', and Dez just hugs me. She hugs me, and rubs my back like I'm a damn child. But she's good at it. She's good at comforting a downed man without makin' em feel worse about it. When I can't cry anymore, Dez lets me go. She stands up, an' looks outside. She seems nervous, an' smiles sweetly at me.

"You need to be alone, and I need to go. Zack and Jasper should be back soon, so unless you want them to see you upset, clean up a bit, alright?"

"Yeah. Headin' home?"

"For a bit…"

I don't get what she means by that, but before I can ask, she's out the door. I realize after she's gone, she's left me a bottle of whiskey. I ain't had a decent drink since Megaton was hit. Opening it, I figure while I sit here alone, thinkin' of Nova, now's a perfect time to have some.


	36. I Can Still Feel Your Heart

(Dizzy)

I have superpowers. I really do. I am a bona-fide superhero now, and it's fucking awesome. You have no idea. It's like, I woke up, and BAM, I'm amazing. When Barrows told me that I would forever be able to emit radiation from my body, it was like I got ten gifts for my birthday. With practice, I can even focus all of it, like I did with Caesar. Though that happened because I was so angry. At least that's what Barrows' says. It also exhausts the fuck out of me. Well, used to. Still kinda does, but the more I train my body, the easier it gets. I can say that Cain is getting really annoyed with it, because while he's sleeping I practice on him. He doesn't feel it, most of the time, anyways.

Mom and dad say it'll come in handy when I get injured, or when someone needs my help. I can't image anyone outside of the Capital Wasteland actually needing radiation to heal though. That is, aside from the ghouls. Still, they're right. It is pretty handy to have around. Plus I have this light green glow around me all the time. Okay not _around_ me, but you know, my skin looks green. Actually I think it makes me look kinda sick. The bad sick. Like I caught a fever or something. Strips and pieces of my skin also came off, too. So I look more like mom in that sense, and dad. Mostly dad. But mom and I both have ghoul-parts now. Like areas of our body that lost skin like a ghoul. Mine's mostly on my arms and hands, since that's where I focused the radiation when it first came to be. I have some on my legs, and stomach, too. Melted my cool armor, so now I'm just stuck with Raider Commando Armor from The Pitt, which isn't so bad.

Oh yeah! The Pitt! Mom sent some traders there a few days back and they just got home today. Well, here, in Megaton, that is. Anyways, Wernher from The Pitt is offering to help mom out, since you know, she liberated them and all. So it's mine and Cain's job to keep a lookout and handle the trades if they come at night. Though I don't know why mom can't do it, I figured it was best not to ask too many questions.

To be honest, I'm really worried about my mom and dad. They went off and got into this fight last night, and didn't come home. I mean, they were happy when they came home, but I was worried. Mom's been all about Jasper today, too, and that makes me think something happened. I can't imagine anything did, but still, I worry. Plus Cain and I kind of have our own problems to deal with, that I really don't want to go talking about with my mom or dad. Because both of them would freak out.

It's just…well I can't get pregnant with Cain, since he's an android and all, and that's great. Because we can have all the sex we want. But that's the problem. When Megaton is done, Cain and I kind of want to go off, and do just that. Get to know one another, get to have fun, get to really know one another like we should. Out in the Capital Wasteland. Out away from mom and dad. Though they've been treating me more like an adult since I killed Caesar with my bare hands, I don't think they're going to be happy with hearing I want to take off again. They're going to tell me I just got back from New Vegas, and need to chill out a bit. Problem is, New Vegas didn't cut it.

New Vegas was fun. It was a blast and amazing and what have you. But it wasn't here. It wasn't my home, the Capital Wasteland. I've never seen the city in its entirety, like mom and dad have. I've never seen where dad lived before, or where mom blew up that military base. I really should have taken their advice, and explored my home first, but I was stupid. Since losing Megaton, and all we've gone through, I've gotten a lot more level-headed. Kind of. Enough to know that my parents were right. And then when Cain and I did try and go into the Capital Wasteland, before New Vegas, we kinda just fought the whole time. I didn't get to enjoy it. And there's places I really want to visit, since I've been rebuilding Megaton and having a lot of time to sit and think. Like the library I hear is still there, or the place called Arlington. And that town rumored to be cannibalistic, and then there's Big Town, and Little Lamplight, and all the metro tunnels, and every little thing I just skimmed over when I ran off to New Vegas. I mean, I've never seen the Galaxy News Radio station, where mom restored the dish, and that legendary Three Dog worked. I've only ever seen the Citadel Ruins, and not even the Jefferson Memorial, where the purifier is. All in all, there's a lot I want to see, and there's a lot of time I want to spend with Cain, but it's going to be hard to tell that to mom and dad.

"Hey."

I hear Cain call me. He's been off in town getting us some supper rations from Roy. Until we can get our crops up and running again, we're only allowed so much to eat each day. Which isn't really that difficult to do. Megaton people are pretty used to going a couple of days without food. I used to wonder what that was like, until I went to New Vegas. Shit sucks, but it's doable.

"Hi."

He sits next to me, a bit away from the town. I like sitting just outside of it. Makes it easier to watch people without them realize you're watching them. I like doing it at the end of the workday. People are more happy, upbeat, and you catch those small smiles in between quiet moments. Cain hands me my food, and I down it in only a few bites.

"You're hungry."

"I get really hungry when I practice my Radiation Attack."

Cain chuckles and eats his food. I light a cigarette, and smile at my small town. I can't believe I ever wanted to trade this place in for the bright lights of New Vegas. I was so stupid, even though it was only a few months ago. Still, I was stupid. I bed older me, is going to think the same things about the me now. That's okay, since my dad says 'to err is human'.

"Diz, you should wait till we can have food every day like before, until you start doing that. You're going to make yourself sick."

"I can't make myself sick anymore. I'm a conduit of radiation now."

"You can still get sick."

I shake my head and smile at him.

"I shot myself in the leg the other day to see what would happen. And you know what happened? I got shot. And then after it hurt for a minute, like a fast minute, my body instantly started healing. Without anything. Just myself. The radiation _in _my body, healed my body. Pretty cool, huh?"

Cain stares at me, dumbfounded.

"What in the world gave you the desire to shoot yourself?"

"I think it's pretty neat. I mean, I'm nearly un-kill-able."

"You _shot_ yourself? How many brain cells does this radiation fry? Wait, no. You would do something like that."

"It's like, I'm invincible."

"You're not invincible, Diz. You still need to be safe."

Blowing smoke in his face, I slip my hand into his and sigh.

"Yeah. How do you think mom and dad are gonna take to hearing that we want to go into the Capital Wasteland?"

Cain shrugs, and looks away. With him and my dad sharing their freaky sense of knowing, I know he's hiding something. And it's something from my dad. And I want to know.

"Cain? What's up?"

He shakes his head, and with his free hand, runs his fingers through it. I tug on his arm, kind of really wanting to know what's up.

"I overheard your parents talking about going to get another G.E.C.K, or going up to the Commonwealth."

What? Another G.E.C.K? Where would there be one? I know all the vaults, minus a few had them, but I can't even imagine where they'd be. Like I said, I've never taken the time to explore my own home, so I wouldn't know anything. Mom does though. And dad. For them to get the G.E.C.K isn't a bad idea, since they'd be gone and back in like two weeks. Me and Cain would get lost somewhere up our own asses, knowing us.

"What's the Commonwealth?"

Cain knows about as much as me on that one. I feel a sinking feeling in my stomach, and start to think about why my parents would suddenly start to plan trips. Okay, yeah, they're just _talking_ about them, but after that fight, and after mom's been all weird about Jasper, I don't know what to think.

Personally, I don't like Jasper either. But I figure right now everyone has bigger things to fry, and worrying about her isn't on the top of my list. I know mom feels the same, so she's worried about something else with Jasper. Something I can't even comprehend, since I can't figure out what it could be. Now mom wants to take a trip somewhere? Pulling my knees to my chin, I rest my head on them and look at Cain while the sun slowly sets, making me feel warm inside. Or it could just be the radiation.

"Are my parents having issues?"

I ask him, because if my dad is stressed out, Cain knows. As long as they're close to one another, that is. But lucky for me, Cain lays down smiling.

"As far as I can tell, everyone is stressed over Megaton. Nothing else."

"But that fight they had…"

"We fight. It's not like we're gonna break up over it."

"Cain, we _can't_ break up. My parents can."

He opens one of his eyes and smirks. Pulling me down, he puts his arm around me and sighs deeply.

"It would take more than a fight to break up your parents. Trust me."

"How do you know?"

"Because I can feel what your dad feels for your mom."

"Yeah? What's that?"

He shrugs, taking my cigarette.

"It's…hard to describe. It's definitely love, but not like any love I'd imagine existed. Soul-mates, I guess, if you believe in that crap."

"Think we're soul-mates?"

He rubs my upper arm, and I roll on my back to stare at the pink clouds.

"I think we're a bit too young to understand the maturity and love, that your parents have. Takes a long, long time, and a lot of pain, to get to where they are. For us, let's enjoy being young, stupid, and in love. What's say?"

I smile. I think I like that idea. Right now, Cain and I have no real responsibility. We just have us, and the Capital Wasteland. We're laying in the dirt, staring at the clouds passing by. It's pretty peaceful. And I can't imagine it being any other way, really.

"I like the color of that one."

The cloud I like is pink, and orange. It's small, but simple. I never knew staring at the sky could be so entertaining. Cain rubs my arm again, and I hear him put out my cigarette.

"I think, everything is going to be just fine for everyone."

"Even if it's not, we can't worry about it."

I tell him. The citizens, our friends, even us, have been under a lot of stress. But it's nothing that won't pass. I guess what almost dying taught me is that you can't take everything so seriously, and even if your town gets blown up, it's still not the end of the world. After all, it seems the world keeps going, no matter what humans seem to do with it. I guess life finds a way, no matter what circumstances.

Sitting up, I smile as I see the townfolk being walked into the homes that are finished. They seem happy, and I'm happy with how the town looks, too. It's Megaton alright, but it's Megaton with some new flair. It's still my home. Looking out at the Capital Wasteland, I can't help but smile at that, too. Mom says there used to be a yellow haze that hung around everything when you looked out at it. Like from the Scenic Overlook. I guess that was from all the radiation in the air, but after the water was purified, over time, that yellow haze went away. Mom used to tell me when I was little, that it was like looking through glasses when you didn't need them, and then one day, someone took the glasses off. I can't imagine this place having such a dirty feel to it, but I believe it did.

The Capital Wasteland I'm used to, is very different than the ones my parents are. The one I stare at, is clean. It's clear, the skies are blue, and the clouds are white. I can see the Washington Monument, just like mom could, only a bit clearer. I can see the city lines, and where they start. I can see where I can, and can't go. I can see every rock, boulder, or some other, pretty clearly. The river is crystal clear almost, and the dust isn't that thick. I once heard, that the river was so polluted, it had a greenish tint to it. That's not my Capital Wasteland, that's my mom's. Mine? Mine is beautiful, and one day, there's going to be grass as far as the eye can see. There's going to be trees, and animals. Real ones. Not the ones mutated by radiation, but real ones that are in books. There's going to be all sorts of them. I hope so.

Taking off my boots, I bury my toes in the cooling dirt. I like the feel of it. When I ran off to New Vegas, I hardly appreciated this place, like I do now. But almost losing it, or thinking I would, really put everything in perspective for me. It really made me think about things.

"Wanna do something tonight?"

I ask Cain, as I wiggle my toes. I feel his hand on my back, and know he's got his eyes closed back there. He likes to fall asleep in the sun. It makes him feel better faster when he's been away from me for a while. He's done it since as far back as I can remember.

"I'd like to, but can't. Not until we have beds and everything."

"Damn. I can't wait for the town to be finished, so we can head out on our own. But I want to wait till the crops come back, so we have food. Leaving home without food is really stupid."

"We've done it before, Diz. Don't you remember?"

"I don't want to."

Cain chuckles. He knows I've matured since the bad things happened. I think he's pleased with it, since I don't go off and get into a fraction of the trouble I used to. Not that there's much trouble. I'm just saying if there were, I wouldn't go looking for it anymore. I know now, what it's like to almost lose someone you love. I don't want to ever do that. Lose someone I love, I mean.

"I'm proud of you, Diz. You're really showing signs of being a functioning adult."

"Go fuck yourself."

I toss some dirt into his face. He laughs and dusts it off his cheeks, eyes still closed.

"Spoke too soon."

"I'll irradiate you so much, you'll puke green for months. Don't test me. Gonna test me? Don't."

"You would try that. I don't doubt it."

Yeah. That's what I thought. I don't think I'm going to be really telling many people what I can do, though. The old Dizzy would have in a heartbeat, but the me now…well, I'm kind of scared. Because what if someone wants to exploit it? What if some mad scientist wants to kidnap me and use me as an experiment or something to study on? Knowing for sure there's insane people like that out there, makes me scared to death of the world. But being scared of something that's just as beautiful as it is ugly is stupid. I have to get out there, and see the whole Capital Wasteland. See every inch that my parents did their best to save and protect.

"Where do you want to go first when we leave?"

Cain asks me as I lay back down. It's getting darker out, and soon, the moon will be high up in the sky. I wouldn't mind falling asleep right here, actually. My bones would be aching from all the work, but it seems like the radiation ups my endurance a bit. That or I didn't work enough today.

"I don't know. The city, probably. I want to see where Underworld used to be."

"The place your dad and Gob came from?"

"Yeah. That seems like a good place to start."

Cain's silence tells me he's in agreement. He opens his eyes, and we watch the rest of the sun set behind the horizon. At night, before, Megaton would be lit up. It would look so pretty, against the night sky. But now, it's just dark. If there's no moon, it'll be almost too dark to see your hand in front of your face. I can't wait until we get the lights back again. Maybe, we can even have music.

"Cain?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

He smiles and looks at me. It's never been this peaceful around here. Maybe the missile taught us all something. I know it taught me something. It taught me to slow down. That in a second, everything you know and love can be taken from you. That nothing is guaranteed, so appreciate the small moments. These kinds, where there's nobody else around, and everything is so quiet, all you can hear is the ringing in your ears. The Dizzy a few months ago, would have been wanting to run wild right now. She wouldn't have appreciated this quiet moment with her boyfriend, like the Dizzy now does.

"I love you too, Diz."

He kisses my forehead, and I roll onto my side so I can look at him.

"When we go out into the Wastes this time, I don't want to fight with you. I want it to be just us, like my parents did. I want to just, go where the wind takes me, and explore. Not fight anything, if we can avoid it, but just…exist."

"Charon trained me pretty well, so if we did have any issues, we'd be alright."

"Yeah. But, I just want to enjoy it, for the most part. Mom and dad never got to do that. I want to."

"To be honest Diz, I don't think your parents are the 'enjoy the quiet' type. I think they're so conditioned to fighting, that it's the only thing they really like doing."

"Yeah. Dad always told me that he found happiness in a warm gun. But, I don't want to be just like them anymore."

"You don't?"

I shake my head. Feeling what I felt fighting Caesar's Legion…I can't imagine constantly feeling that. I can't imagine feeling all that fear all the time. I guess that's where I've grown different from both my parents. Mom and dad lived most of their lives fighting. Dad more than mom, that Cain's right. They just love it too much. I can imagine them passionately kissing after killing a bunch of Raiders, or something, and saying they love one another. It's what brought them together. But what I want, is to just enjoy the quiet life with Cain. A bit of action wouldn't be bad, but, nothing like mom and dad. And I think that's okay. I'm not as strong as mom and dad are in the whole 'dealing with adrenaline and insanity' department. Now that I've had a taste of real war, I realize how much I really romanticized everything. How much I made it all seem so dramatic and wanton. It's not fun. And it's not amazing. It's painful, and terrifying. If I had to fight for Cain, I would, I know that but…I don't want to go out and put myself in danger to do it like I used to.

"No. You were right, before. It's not a life I'm used to leading. It's not how I was raised. I was raised…quietly. Not like mom and dad were. I don't want to live like they did, either. I just want to be in love, and be happy."

Cain's face drops, and I know there's something in his head. I don't have to pry him, though. He sits up, and I sit up too, and he sighs really heavily.

"I'm worried. I'm worried about how long I can go without fighting."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were fighting Legion…it…felt _good_. Like…it was…"

"What you were programmed to do."

Cain looks at me, sheepishly smiling. I nod in understanding, because I know it's what he was programmed to do. I forget, that Cain is an android a lot. Mainly because he's so advanced, that everything about him is human. Gob says they have androids like that in Rivet City, and all around. That you can't tell they're actually androids, but if you cut them, they don't bleed. When you cut Cain, he bleeds. That's why I forget. I also forget that he is programmed to fight. That it's basically in his DNA, real and artificial. He was made to fight armies, and programmed to get good feelings when he does. Just like my father was conditioned to feel good when he fights.

"I guess we're gonna have to cross that bridge when we get to it."

"I'm just scared of what'll happen Diz. I feel it, like I've never felt it before. I feel like if I'm away from you for more than an hour, I need to go and protect you from anyone that's around you. Even Charon. It's like I'm overprotective to an extreme. Then when I get near you, I have so much energy and want to fight everyone I see, for the sake of them not hurting you, even though I know nobody here would. I can't…really explain it. It's horrible."

I didn't know it was that bad. We might not be able to wait around for the crops to grow, if Cain is going to start offing his own friends. We might have to pack up and head out soon, so that he can find something to fight. I know that sounds like something I would do, but, now it's Cain. I guess the roles have been reversed.

"Well, we'll just head out into the Capital Wasteland when it becomes unbearable. We'll find you something to fight. I'll find some trouble you can save me from, or something."

"I'm glad you've grown up. It's a lot less stressful. And a lot easier to tell you these things. Before you'd freak out."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm just, proud of you. And happy. But I'm still worried. Like right now I'm okay, but when we go back home, it's going to be really hard to keep composure."

"Is that why when we get inside you just go to bed."

"Mhm. It's easier to just go to sleep. When I wake up I don't feel it as much. It's just all the interactions, and all the different smells of men on you."

I raise my eyebrow at him.

"Smells of men?"

Cain shakes his head.

"I don't know, I think it's something with my programming. I can…smell, I suppose, the chemicals on your body that aren't yours."

"Like a fingerprint. In case there's ten of me."

"Yeah. Kinda."

"Well all the paperwork on you, Barrows took to Rivet City. Maybe that can be our objective. Aside from exploring."

"What can be?"

"Figuring out _how_ you're programmed. It'll help us plan ahead for stuff. It might make you feel better, too, and teach me how to handle certain situations. Like an owner's manual."

Cain sighs, smiling.

"I'm _really_ glad, you've grown up."

So I guess that's it. We seal the deal with a kiss, and get up to head home. Since there's no light, it's best to get back before it's too dark. When Cain can't handle Megaton anymore, we'll set off to Rivet City. I'll figure out his paperwork with him, and together, we'll have it all figured out. It's going to be easy, I hope, because there's nothing left to fight. Aside from your occasional Super Mutant, but I don't think that'll be an issue. Fawkes said with the increased radiation, they've tried to grow their numbers, but I don't think they've grown by enough to where we need to start worrying. Right now, anyways, I just want to worry about my town, myself, and Cain. I don't want to worry about my mom and dad, or anything else for that matter. Even if I find myself worrying about my parents' marriage, I can't help it. I just have to focus on me, and learning about myself. Since I didn't know, how much I didn't know who I was. When you spend your life, wanting so much to be like someone else, like I was with wanting to be just like my parents, you tend to forget who you are. You tend to become detached from who you are as you. I'd like to get to know the calmer Dizzy, and take comfort in the fact that the crazy one is still in there, somewhere. She'll come out when she's needed.

Mom and dad aren't home when Cain and I get there. I'm not too worried, since I'm so tired. They'll probably be back by morning. We finished our house today, so we have doors, windows, and most of the shit we used to. We still don't have beds, so when I walk upstairs and see my parents made Cain and I a makeshift one of soft materials, I smile. I like the effort. I want to get all naked and do horribly dirty things to Cain, but I'm scared my parents will get home and hear us. I don't particularly want to explain to my father why we were having sex in our room, in his house, because I know dad wouldn't be happy with it.

But what Cain and I do, do is take off as much as we can. I'm down to my bra and panties, and just smiling stupidly at him in his boxers as we lay down. Tired as I am, I find some energy to stay up for a few more minutes with him.

"I'm happy, you know."

I tell him, playing with his hair. Sometimes I get weirded out by him. Because I remember that if my father wasn't a ghoul, you wouldn't be able to tell them apart. I wonder, sometimes, if that makes me a freak. But I remind myself, that I care about Cain because of who he is, and not what he looks like. I'd like him even if he was really ugly. I don't want to say ghoul, because if that happened I'd be too creeped out. He'd look _just_ like my father, and it would be too much. He knows this, too. He just doesn't talk about it. I don't either. It's not something you share, really. People, strangers if they found out, might think I have an incest complex or something. They wouldn't know that it's just because I really love Cain, and always have. If I could have chosen to fall in love with someone else, I would have. I've had crushes, and stuff, but not love. Had Cain been someone else, personality wise, this wouldn't work. I guess the only thing I see similar in him and my father is that they make me feel extremely safe. I've never felt safe around anyone else, and that's an important factor to me. Luckily, though, other than my own self, I don't have to rationalize my relationship to anyone. Dad understands it, mom understands it, and Cain and I do, too. Everyone else can suck it as far as I can see.

"What's on your mind?"

Cain asks, as he catches me lost in thought.

"Nothing. Just thinking about you and dad."

"Ah. That. Well don't let it bother you too much. Hey, I really like how one of your eyes is darker than the other, by the way. It gives you character."

I smile. I like that, too. Feels like I'm a whole new person these days. Calmer, with a new look. Like I said before, though, the energetic Dizzy is still with me. Just deep down and sleeping. She needs a rest. Just like I need to slow down and enjoy things sometimes.

"Where do you think my parents went?"

I ask Cain as I make him be the ladle. Yawning, he throws his arm around me, and I feel him kiss the back of my neck.

"Probably to take care of town stuff."

"Promise we won't end up like them."

"Like how?"

"Mom and dad used to be so wild, and in love. Now they've just gotten…old. They don't seem like they're too happy anymore."

"I wouldn't worry about them, Diz. Like I said, whatever it is, they'll be fine."

"Yeah, you're right."

But I've noticed it. When we were fighting everything, mom and dad had this glow. Like they _enjoyed_ the rush. Like they were at home, killing and running shit. Which I can safely assume they were. But now, they just look tired. Like they've lost what they had. I have a feeling they're going to take off, soon. But I want to be sure.

"I think mom and dad are going to have an adventure soon. For just themselves."

I don't ask Cain how he feels, because if I do he'll lie. But if you tell him how you feel about stuff, since he's got telekinetic powers with my dad, he'll inadvertently tell you.

"You're probably right. They need to remind themselves of a lot of things. But we are not them, and we will be fine. I just _really_ need to sleep, because I smell that ghoul Michal on you and it's pissing me off."

"I had lunch with him today."

"Stop."

"He's actually really nice, stayed awake to help us build stuff."

"Stop, Dizzy. He might be a threat."

"No he's not."

"I know, I know. It's just…"

"Oh, right. Programming."

Cain squeezes me, and I rub his hand. I guess we are different. Because we're gonna have to get out, too, so he can fulfill his urges. Mom and dad want to go out, and I really hope we don't end up travelling together. Cain has a twin-sense with dad, but sometimes, I swear I can tell what my mom's thinking. Because I know she'd be really mad if Cain and I started prying into her marriage and following her after this war thing happened. Don't ask me how I know, it's just I do. And seeing her ready to kill Jasper all day kind of drove the point home. Mommies and daddies need mommy and daddy time. I just hope they don't break up over not getting it, and I hope, Cain and I get to have all the fun we want soon.


	37. I Fear We're Facing a Problem

(Dezbe)

Charon and I were able to sneak away without anyone noticing this time. Not even the kids, since they weren't even home when we left. And I didn't bother leaving a note because I'm an adult and fuck that. I haven't talked to Charon much today, since there's been a lot of distractions. Rebuilding a town isn't easy, but I'm glad it's almost done. Charon wants to pack up and head somewhere, fight some baddies, and do some 'us' time like we used to. Problem is there's not a goddamned thing left to fight around here, and telling Charon that is pointless. It'll probably turn into an 'I'm right you're wrong' argument. I don't need to be able to tell the future to know that. We're on really thin ice in our relationship.

All day I've been wondering if this is the last ditch effort married people give their marriage before calling it quits. I can't say I know for sure, since I've never been married before. All of my worries throughout the day today could very easily be wrong, but I've never been one to think rationally like that. One night of passion can't ignite a fire that's been out for twenty-years. It takes work. We're both willing to do it, but since finding out Gob and I slept together, I can tell Charon has his doubts. His doubts, give me doubts. It's a very vicious cycle. I think so, anyways.

We're heading towards Springvale at a pretty slow pace. I don't think either of us knows what to do in the company of one another anymore. Or maybe we're just tired. Dunno. But I do care.

"I have been thinking."

Charon says, and the sound of his voice in the dead-quiet Capital Wasteland makes me jump. I light a cigarette, you know, for precaution, and exhale smoke.

"About what?"

Please, please, _please_ do not say 'I want to end this marriage'. Because this time we have guns. And I might kill him. Or myself. Or both. Could be a murder-suicide thing, all dramatic and such. I'd dig it.

"Just…memories. I have spent the day working, and daydreaming, about our life, and how it was in the past. It seems I had forgotten, how much fun we had together in between the fighting, and how many tender moments we shared."

Good. He's been thinking about the same things I have, then. Putting my hand in his, I smile, happy.

"Me too. If my heart was a house, Charon, you wouldn't need a home."

"And why is that?"

"Because you'd always be home."

It's corny, but he smiles at me anyway, and pats the top of my head. I feel like a dog.

"You are one of a kind, Dezbe."

"You know what I've been thinking about?"

"What?"

I get sort of sad, and drop my cigarette to the ground.

"…How I've lost my mother's framed bible verse. I wish I still had it."

"Revelation 21:6?"

"You remember…"

"Yes. It is hard to forget. Each time I think of it, I think of…"

"What?"

We stop walking, just at the edge of the old, nearly gone town. The moon casts eerie, yet calming shadows over everything. From the corner of my eye, I see an old car.

" When you activated the purifier. I had thought I lost you…"

From nowhere, Charon brings me in close to him, and wraps his arms around me. I feel him rest his head atop mine, and I close my eyes. After all these years, his smell still calms me, no matter what I'm feeling, and puts all my doubts to rest.

"I remember that, too."

I remember it differently than him. I remember waking up, alone, scared, with Lyons there. Back then, we didn't know who he was exactly. Just that he had a vendetta against ghouls, and Charon in particular. And that he let Charon think I was dead.

"You never told me, how you got to Underworld."

I never told him, because I didn't want to. Back then, it simply never came up. Over the years, as we began our family and started to talk late at night about our past in jest, it simply seemed too heavy a burden to speak of. Just like we never speak about what Butch did to me, or what he was feeling when I was in The Pitt. I only know he spent time with Greta. I don't know what he felt about me, or anything. Maybe, tonight, it's time to talk about those things.

Sighing, I bury my face in his leather armor, just like I always have. I grip the back of it tightly, as I remember my journey from the Citadel to Underworld.

"You know how weak I was when I got there. It was the same in the Citadel. Lyons wanted me to stay, to get my strength back. But…even though we weren't together back then, just being away from you drove me mad. I was so upset that you weren't there. I was angry at Lyons, and I also felt abandoned. So I forced myself out of bed, grabbed my pack, and stumbled down the hall. Eventually, I ran into Star Paladin Cross. She helped my dad. She offered to help me home."

"I never saw her with you."

"I made her leave outside the museum. I didn't want anyone to get freaked out, but I could hardly walk. She really helped me, get back to you. She was nice, and I was mean, as I always was back then. It hurt to walk, it hurt to move, but all I wanted…was to just see you. It's all I wanted back then, and if it happened again…it'd be all I want now."

Charon squeezes me gently, but hard enough to where I know what he's feeling. And I bury my head into him again, and want him to take all those bad and painful memories away, and throw them to the wind.

"I am sorry I was not there."

"It's not your fault. It…really wasn't anyone's fault except Lyons'."

We part, and Charon smiles at me. Charon's smile, isn't like a normal smile. A full smile for him is a smirk. But over the years, I've just learned how to read him.

"Come on, it feels like it will be cold tonight. We should get inside."

Agreeing, I walk beside him, holding his hand and remembering how when we first met, being away from him was like a stab in the chest. I hadn't felt like that in a long time. Until after last night. I felt that feeling today, when I was working without him. When I hadn't seen him. I began to look around for him, like I once did, and I felt like a lost child without their precious toy. It was…refreshing, to feel that way again.

Getting inside the house, we put down our guns. Charon removes the top half of his armor, while I stretch and loosen the straps on my Leather Rebel armor. I unzip the top a bit, too, and take off some of the plates. It's more comfortable that way, anyways. The moon shines inside this old house. It lights it up, making it feel like I'm back to being nineteen and reckless. Sitting down on the bed, I stretch and yawn a bit.

"Do you remember Point Lookout?"

I ask him as he fumbles around in the kitchen. I can watch him, because the house isn't small, and the walls are beginning to rot, since they've gone so long without care.

"I try not to, why?"

"Because I remember. And I remember going home from there with you. I remember fighting in the mud with you. I remember…that all I wanted, was for you to love me again."

He stops shuffling around and comes to sit with me. I look at him, while he lights two cigarettes for us. I keep my eyes patiently focused on him, and wonder in the back of my mind, if maybe we could live together in Tenpenny Tower again. It feels like I'm trying to relive who I was, but in reality, I'm trying to remember who I was, who we were, before we decided to settle down. Now that everyone is an adult, and everyone can care for themselves, it's time for me, and Charon, to care for ourselves. We've put this on hold long enough. It's time for us to be us again.

"I never, ever stopped loving you, Dezbe."

"I know. I just, forget sometimes. Especially now."

"Dez, there is a lot going on right now, I understand. But do not think that I no longer care for you."

Looking up at him, I smile and nod. In the back of my mind, I hear a piano playing softly. It's been so many years, since I've played, that I think I may have forgotten how. But I'll never forget how the music feels, or the sounds the keys make, or the feel of them against my fingers. A familiar feeling of calm serenity washes over me. The kind I would feel alone with Charon in our small cave at Rockopolis. Looking out the window behind me, I realize how lonely it was, to watch stars without Charon by my side.

"Charon?"

"Hm?"

Water wells in my eyes, as I remember those five years I spent alone. It seems like a lifetime ago now. And it was, with all that's happened.

"Those five years…we were apart…"

Tears fall down my cheeks, the pain still fresh from that time. I feel Charon take my cigarette and put it out, as he wraps his hand around mine, comforting me.

"I don't ever want to feel that way again. And I know that's how I'd feel, if you left me now."

"I have no intention of leaving."

"But you did."

He hesitates, and I look at him, wiping my face clean.

"Yes. I did, as we started to rebuild Megaton. I began to miss how it felt, to feel the gun in my hand. To feel the feelings of adrenaline. I miss the feeling, of being so important to you, in knowing that you relied on me for survival."

"I still feel that way. I may know a lot more than I did when we first met, but all of that, was learned with you. How do you think I'd fare in a fight alone? I'm so used to your motions, patterns, how you fight, that my guard would be down. With radiation being near-gone…I get scared. I get scared of having to fight alone now."

"Just as you forget that I care, I often forget that you need me."

"I need you. Do you know what I did then? In those five years?"

He nods, leaning against the wall for support while he sits on the bed with me.

"You were alone."

"I was alone, yeah. I didn't talk to anyone. Nobody. I never left my house, unless it was to get more food. I just stayed in there, and cried every night. Until Gob came. I felt like I couldn't…manage life, without you. Because of everything we've done together, I didn't feel like I could support myself. I felt weak because of that. It took me such a long time, that that isn't weakness."

"What is it, then?"

"It's like trying to walk without legs. You're my legs, I guess you could say. I tried to walk without you."

It's silly, but it gets the point across. Looking at him, I kiss his cheek.

"I used to ask myself, how you could leave me alone in this world when it was so cold. I figured that maybe I was being selfish and demanding. I felt like my father must have felt when my mother left. I was so mad, because you left. Then I would get sad, because you weren't there to make it better."

"It will never happen again."

"I was scared last night it was going to."

He shakes his head at me, as I lie down, with my head in his lap.

"I would have come home in the morning. I am not prepared to leave you, despite my anger. I understand why you felt that way."

"What did you do in those years?"

"It is not important."

"Charon…"

I hear him sigh, as he begins to stroke my hair. He would do this a lot, in the past.

"I sought vengeance on everyone who had ever ordered me to kill. On their descendants, really. Following every lead, making amends in the best way I knew how. I tried to come to terms with my past. Staying away from you, was what I thought was best. I did not want to hurt you any further than I had. Yet had I known, I would have returned to you."

I close my eyes, not wanting to feel like that ever again.

"Dezbe?"

"Yeah?"

"Look at me."

Sitting up, I cross my legs in front of me. Charon toys with my armor, analyzing it as he tries to figure out what he's trying to say. I know his monotone facial expressions fairly well now.

"I know you have been hurting, but I am here. And I have been waiting, for the right time to tell you that I am waiting to be there for you."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because it did not feel right. It has not felt as right as it does now, in a very long time. Moments alone, Dezbe, are precious and rare. Now that we are able to have them, I am feeling safer in this with you. My doubts are leaving, and I am remembering just how and why I allowed myself to feel this way towards you."

"Because without me, you would have failed your contract."

"That is the start, yes."

"And then my dad died…"

My tone is dark, but it's true. Charon and I weren't very close until then. But that night, we were. That night changed everything, because he knew I needed and loved him, and I knew he was going to be a forever constant in my life. We didn't know how hard it was going to be back then. We didn't know anything. All I knew, is that he was there, and that I needed and wanted him there.

"Yes. I remember."

"That night, Charon? What were you thinking? When all that was happening?"

I never got to hear it. I never…get to hear how he felt back then. I'm not in his mind. I want to know that back then, there was something on his end, and it wasn't just me. Before, I'd believe that there was something else. Now, I just need to hear it. Hear him say it.

"…When you held me, I thought it was beautiful. It was strange, but feeling someone that close, and the backdrop of Megaton…I felt emotions for the first time that night. I did not know what to do. I held you, and looked at the atmosphere. It was calm, and serene, and in my arms a girl cried for her father. I…felt as if I was not myself. As if I was watching the scene in third person. I had never been needed so badly, for emotional reasons. Never, felt like I was important enough, to be relied on for that. And in the midst of my amazement, with how everything felt, there you were. Crying, sobbing, a mess and tragically so. You looked up at me, and begged me to stay. When I saw your face, I know today the emotion, but I did not know it then. When we went inside, and I laid with you, while you slept I lied awake. I lay there, wondering what inside me was changing."

"You thought…it was beautiful?"

"In a tragic way, yes. It was very different for me back then, than it was for you. You remember things with your own emotions, whereas I remember things void of them. It is why we remember our past together so differently."

Hearing his side of it, makes everything seem more…romantic, than how it felt. I guess you could say. I like hearing it, though. I like hearing about how he didn't feel, about how he was to me, about everything. I want to hear more. I want to talk until the sun rises. But, most of all, I want these nights to happen more and more. Not with the kids down the hall, or Megaton behind our walls, but with nothing around us. Nothing, just us, and the stars. It's something I feel we need to do.

Looking Charon in the eyes, I remember what I thought when I was so young. Taking his hands in mine, I smile at him.

"I need you."

I never want this love to fail. We've come so far, and it's been so long, that leaving now would kind of be like a slap in the face to our past selves. I remember the Dezbe I once was, so brazen and determined to have nobody but Charon. Egging him on to chase me, getting him to come and find me. And in turn, he'd get so angry. He'd get so mad and we would fight. We'd bite, kick, punch and hit until we couldn't anymore. Until we were both too exhausted to even lift a finger. And then together, we'd lay there, silently, just resting. Our anger would subside, and we'd be alone together. Alone, with just us, and the world to fight. Charon pulls his hand from mine, and brings it to my face. Gently, his fingertips trace the three, white, diagonal scars across my face. Ones I got in Point Lookout, and often forget are there. I forget about most of my scars, since they're a part of me now. Like fingertips, or toes. You never pay much mind to them, because you're just so used to seeing them.

Smiling as he tickles my nose, Charon wipes some dirt from my cheek. He's lost in thought, and I stare at his never-changing features. I'm still going to follow him until he loves me.

"You have, the same high cheekbones. Your face is oval, with a slightly pointed chin. Your nose is small, like a button, and your eyes…are still almond shape, and deep brown. You have grown, but your face…has stayed the same, Dezbe."

"Same could be said for you, you know."

I tell him as he takes his hand away. A silence falls over us, but it's a comfortable one. The kind where two people, who have been together so long, can sit and remember how it all came to be. All the emotions, it was truly passionate. How we always fought for one another, how we never gave up, even if our biggest enemy was ourselves. There's a lot to show for our efforts. We raised a family in a safe town, overcome the prejudice against us, protect the same people who wanted us dead. Gave the land rain, and fresh water. We've grown crops, and killed armies. Charon and I have done every imaginable thing possible out here. Everything to do, we've done. All the fights there were to fight, we've fought.

"I would dream about you."

Charon says, breaking the silence between us. I remember him telling me about those dreams, so long ago. But I want to hear them again.

"I was in a field of grass. It was warm, like spring. There was a single tree, a willow, in that field. I was human, and there was no Capital Wasteland. The skies were blue, and the clouds white. You wore a halter dress, white, with yellow flowers, and a large brimmed hat. Your hair was long and flowing down to your waist. There was no hint of radiation, and you were smiling so bright. That dream used to haunt me, but now, I would give anything to have it again."

"I think you dreamt that, because you missed me, and wanted to live in a world different from this one."

Charon stands up, and I know there's too many thoughts in his mind. There's an itch that needs to be scratched, but we don't know what or where that itch it.

"Perhaps. But I have been human again. It did not turn out so well, and we never did find those fields, did we?"

He asks me, his back to me. I shake my head, though he can't see it.

"No, we never did."

Charon sighs, and turns to face me. I want to figure out what's wrong with us. I want us to be as in love as we were so many years ago. I want to know what's wrong. But it's not that simple. It's not ever that simple, and really I didn't expect it to be. Doubts start to flood my mind again, Charon sees this, too. As he comes closer to me, my hands start to shake. His puts his fingers under my chin and gently raises my head to look at him.

I stare into his milky blue eyes, against the darkness of the house, and the shadows the moonlight casts.

"I love you."

He says, kissing me. But it doesn't put my fears to rest. Gently, he helps me take off the top of my armor. I don't want to have sex right now, but once my top is off, I realize, that Charon doesn't want to either. His motives for getting me half naked, I realize, aren't for sex. Gently, he touches and skims my scars with his fingertips. Remembering each one as it happened, remembering how they all came to be. Imperfection never felt so beautiful before. Scars from guns, Deathclaws, knives, energy weapons, you name it, I have it.

Pulling me to my feet, Charon traces the scar that winds down my back. The one he wasn't there for. The one I got in The Pitt. The one that nearly killed me, but didn't. It didn't kill me, because I refused to die. Because I had to return to Charon. I had to get back to the Capital Wasteland, and tell him I was okay. Tell him that I was still here for him, and that I loved him, and wanted to be by his side no matter what the costs. That scar is the deepest I have, and over the years remained a dark shade of purple and red. It winds around my body, like it's trying to squeeze me to death, and creates an indent like a river does to the land. It tickles, as he traces inside of it.

"I'm scared."

I admit to him, as his fingertips reach the end of that scar.

"Of what?"

"Being alone. Without you. Of this entire relationship falling apart."

Charon's hand rests on the top of my pants. With his other hand, he feels the gunshot scar I got from fighting the Talons when I was saving him.

"I don't want you to stay with me, because you feel like you should. I want you to stay with me, because you love me."

Silent, Charon takes his hands away. He goes and takes the top half of his armor. For a minute, I think he's going to put it on, take his gun, and leave. Instead he just stares at it, like he's about to say goodbye to an old friend. He toys with it in his hands, his fingerless gloves smoothing down the rough leather. From nowhere, he looks at me. His stare is icy, cold. I almost don't recognize it, but then, I remember it. It's the same icy and cold stare he would give to me when we first paired up. When I first bought him.

"Charon?"

The stare chills me to the bone. I'm not used to it. He'd only ever have it under contract, or when he was really not happy with a situation…while under contract.

"…And if I did not love you?"

Swallowing hard, I stand up, still only in my bra. Slowly, I walk towards him, and gently take the armor from his hands. I haven't felt so intimidated by him in a long, long time.

"I'd chase you down, and follow you, until you loved me."

Placing his armor down gently on the table, we stand between the doorway that leads to the kitchen.

"After all these years, and all that you know of me, you still care for me as you once did?"

Charon asks, his glare not changing. I find the courage I once had deep down inside, and regain myself.

"I care for you, more than I did back then."

I know what's happening. Charon's…well despite all his progress, he will always have issues. Memories, pain from his time at the compound he was raised in. I know he's going to regress, rather than deal with the difficulties, and possibilities, of losing me. I smile softly at him, because I'm the only one in the world, who can bring him out of his moments like these.

"You know that I love you, Dezbe. That I would never dream of leaving you, or Dizzy alone out here. That leaving my family, leaving you, would be suicide for me."

"I'm not going anywhere, either."

"I have fought far too long, and far too hard, to leave now. I have fought armies, my captors, and my own self, for this to end now."

"It's not ending now, Charon."

He pulls me close, and I take comfort in knowing that still, I can help him out of his own mind.

"I need to remind everyone what happens when they harm you. They have forgotten."

"I think they still remember, Charon."

"No. Had they known, Caesar's Legion would not have attacked us."

"They're from New Vegas. They didn't know. Don't fault them."

In his cold, white and blue eyes, I see the Charon I fell in love with. He looks at me, as if to say that's not a good enough excuse.

"Come. I will not sleep tonight."

Come? Come where? Charon and I suit up together, our armors nearly matching. He says nothing, as he straps his gun to his back, and begins to lead the way out into the Capital Wasteland.

"Charon, where are we going?"

He doesn't respond. I figure this is his way of remembering. His way of fighting his own demons. Or maybe, he wants to prove to me, that he still loves me. I never thought that he would have doubts, too. I'm so used to seeing him so stoic and quiet, that it just never crossed my mind. But I realize, now, as I follow him upwards through the hills of the Wasteland, that he does have doubts. And that he's been thinking I'll leave him. I wish I had known sooner. Then maybe, this whole mess could have been avoided.

He leads me into the tunnel that leads to Vault 101. They sure as shit weren't happy to see me a few weeks ago, when the missile hit Megaton, and I bet ten caps they're not going to be too happy to see me now.

"Charon, what're we doing here?"

I ask as he punches in the keys to open the door to the vault. The alarm sounds, as the gear begins to open.

"I would like to see, if perhaps there is another paper with your mother's bible verse here."

Oh, Charon…

"Charon, it's been too long. It won't be here."

"Then we can visit the library in the morning. Megaton does not need our services just yet. Things are running smooth as it is. As long as Gob is there, things should progress fine without us."

I take his hand and smile up at him. He looks down at me, and we being to walk into Vault 101. It's weird, being back here under different circumstances. It's always so clean, and fresh down here. Like time stopped. Everything is as it was when I left, no matter how many times I see it. But there's no dust anywhere, and the sign saying 'Hard Work is Happy Work' still hangs in the Atrium. I laugh now, at how the Overseer was back then. I was terrified of him, but now I see that he was just a sad little man, doing sad little man things.

"My father didn't like it here. I could tell. He told me, though, that up above wasn't the life my mother would have wanted for me."

"He kept it well-hidden from you, that you were not born here."

"Because he know I'd go snooping for answers. He knew I hated it here, and never fit in, so any excuse to leave would have been a good one."

For the most part, we walk around to the Atrium lower level without getting into anyone's way. Mainly because we don't see anyone. When we reach the entrance to below, down to where I would live, where my birthday party was thrown, and so many other memories, is when we run into Vault Security. Oh gee, I'm shaking in my boots.

"You two-"

One of the guards says, as he raises his weapon. But he doesn't finish his sentence, and his partner drops his gun as Charon appears behind me. I've forgotten how it feels to rely on him. And let me tell you, it feels damn good.

"What about us two?"

I ask the guard, walking down the steps. The guards back away, terrified of Charon's appearance. I'd be more scared if he had his gun out, but that's just me.

"You need to leave!"

One of them chokes out, trying to raise their guns.

"I'm from here, I just need to look around for something."

"I've never seen you before!"

There's no need to shout, really. I sigh loudly, and look at Charon. He nods, and takes the gun off of his back.

"That's unimportant. I'm going to do what I need to do, and leave. We can do this the easy way, my way, or the hard way."

I point to Charon, who cocks his shotgun. Needless to say the vault guards comply, and let us pass. Well, they don't 'let' us do anything, we just kind of _do_.

"Were your guards as impotent?"

Charon asks, keeping his gun in his hand and finger on the trigger.

"Yup. Just as. If not worse. Look! There's my old classroom. I took the G.O.A.T there. I was assigned to be a marriage counselor…"

And look how well that turned out. Luckily the clinic is right around the corner, and my old apartment downstairs. Charon follows, looking around. We've been here before, but he's always been one to assess the situation and surroundings.

"Still smells the same."

I say to nobody in particular, really. The clinic is brightly lit, and the same bed I sat on to try to avoid my G.O.A.T is still there. I smile, remembering how my father really wanted me to go take it, lest I became a garbage burner.

"There wouldn't be anything in here, or in my old apartment."

Charon comes and stands beside me. There's no place to keep old pictures of members, no place to keep memories of the families who were here before. Eventually, they all get tossed into the incinerator. Pictures, home movies, birthday cards…everything except the furniture and vault suits. Unless they're far too damaged to be repaired, that is. It's kind of depressing. Everyone I've known here is dead. My family, the people I wouldn't really call my friends, but still kinda knew, the familiar faces I ran into in Rivet City. I even sort-of miss Harden. He died of a fever a few years back. But watching everyone you love die around you…is that the price of longevity?

Looking up at Charon, I know he's far older than me. But I also know, that he's going to refuse to die, unless I'm about to die beside him. It's still such a depressing thing to think about, that I decide I don't want to be here anymore. That I don't ever want to come back to Vault 101 ever again. Because there's too many painful memories.

As we leave the clinic, I shut the lights off. My dad always yelled at me to, and it's just a force of habit I never really outgrew. Some things, like remembering what my father would tell me, don't make me feel so sad. Although I was angry at him for about 90% of his time alive out in the Capital Wasteland, I loved him. And he loved me, too. He was just really bad at showing it sometimes. Just like I'm sure one day Dizzy will blame me for all her issues. It's just how parenting goes.

"I want to leave."

Right when the words leave my mouth, Charon is blazing a path to the exit. Apparently he really does want to show he loves me, and can still do his job as my bodyguard and companion. Though I never really doubted that last part.

Leaving the vault is like a giant weight lifting off of my shoulders. I never want to go back there. I don't want to see all the changing faces, in a place that never really changes. Sitting atop Scenic Overlook, I let my legs dangle over the edge, staring out across the starry night sky of the Capital Wasteland. Charon stands behind me, silent, but his presence known. I guess living this long comes with a price. Eventually, there's nobody to fight, nobody you recognize, and nothing much else to do. It's depressing, and I don't like it.

"Charon?"

"Hm?"

"I'm restless."

"I agree."

In silence, we sit atop the overlook together. Wondering about what there could be for us to do on this short night. Wondering, what's going to happen next. We could abandon everything for a few days. Go running amuck in the Capital Wasteland. Claim that it's 'important business' and leave most of the responsibility of caring for the town up to Dizzy and Cain. But…that's not something someone grown up and mature would do. No, that's…that's something Dezbe would do.

"You know, I've always wanted to check out Alexandria Arms, and the library is right across the way from that."

I mention, to gauge Charon's reaction.

"Oh?"

"It would take a couple of days, there's a few Raiders laying around that area…"

"I see."

"Dizzy and Cain could hold responsibility for the town for a few days, and I'm sure they wouldn't mind having some time alone for themselves…what do you think?"

I turn behind me to look up at Charon. When he peers down at me, I can instantly tell he agrees with my suggestion. He helps me up, and I dust my butt off. It's pretty late to be heading into the city, but I need to dump all this responsibility. I really need, Charon and I really need, to take some 'us' time and scoot on out of Megaton, if only for a few days. And it's not like I'm really leaving Dizzy in any danger.

"You _did_ want to remind the Capital Wasteland of what happens when they mess with me, right?"

"Yes, that is right."

Charon follows me down the well-walked path that leads to the old pre-war street, now buried and cracked beneath the dirt.

"So this is a really good idea, I think."

Biting my tongue, I half expect Charon to start complaining, and say we need to stay with the children. But to my utter shock and surprise, he doesn't.

"As do I."

We walk side by side, talking about what we're going to do, how we're going to get there, and everything in between. We're obviously going to take the metro tunnels, and we're going to simply see what there is to see. I plan on leaving a note for Dizzy, telling her Charon and I went to find supplies in the city. Which isn't all that of a lie. I mean, if I find something useful, I'll bring it back. But really, and I hate to admit it, the thought of running away for a bit is utterly enticing and appealing and downright needed. Besides, Charon and I have left Megaton alone in the past before. Worse that happens is Dizzy spends all her time running around naked. But that's probably more something I would do nowadays.

Lucky for me Dizzy and Cain are asleep when we get home. Finding something to write on, and write with, on the other hand, is a different matter. Charon and I stumble around with only my Pip-Boy light, to try and figure out a way to send a message without waking up the kids, or having to wake them up. We both want this so badly.

"Fuck it, let's just go."

I say, growing frustrated with everything. Charon shrugs, and looks up, a bit worried about leaving his daughter behind. But then I get an idea.

"Hey, why not go tell Roy we're going into the city? He can let everyone else know, and then that's that."

"Will that be enough?"

"It'll get us the fuck out of here for a few days."

Charon nods in agreement, and luckily, Roy isn't that hard to find. It's his job to patrol Megaton at night after all. He's not happy about hearing his two main line of defenses are leaving for an undisclosed about of time, but you know, Roy can just deal with it. I have marital problems that can only be solved by killing a shit ton of Raiders, getting shot at, and being reminded as to why I came to settle down in Megaton in the first place.

Goddamn. It feels good to be selfish again.


	38. Redemption

(Charon)

I did not realize how severe the situation with Dez and I was. Nothing indicated that anything was wrong, for a long while, that I simply assumed we were living in quiet, calm, peace. I ignored my own urges, to have adventure, to fight, to defend against any and all, for the sake of Dezbe's happiness. There was nothing in my mind that would have hinted, that she too, was unhappy. Had I known sooner, perhaps what happened, would not have. My guilt would not weigh so heavy on my shoulders, and I would be able to look her in the eyes a bit easier. Dezbe, suspects nothing more than a failing marriage. For the most part. But each day, I wish to tell her. I want to pull her aside, get on my knees, and beg her. Beg her for her forgiveness this one last time. Yet, I can never bring myself to. Each time I attempt to gather my thoughts and explain it to her, I realize that she is more concerned with hearing that I wish to leave. And it breaks my heart. I look at her, and hold back saying something, that could potentially cause her to walk away from this.

As we camp in a metro tunnel, exhausted from the adventuring and excited emotions of tomorrow, I take the silence to gather my thoughts. There are more ferals around than there were years ago, but they do not bother us. Dez smells enough like a ghoul, and I am one, to the point where they stare at us with strange curiosity. Snoring softly, Dez sleeps on a worn mattress with her hair across her face. I have not seen this calmness on her in such a long time, that I did not even think I could remember what it looked like. I should be resting with her, preparing for a busy day tomorrow, but I cannot sleep.

I stand, chain smoking, and listening to the echoing sounds of my boots against the concrete. As many years ago as I am old, this place was filled with people. Bumping into one another, all in a hurry to get to where they were going. It was so populated, that if one did not move with the crowd, one was more than likely going to get lost. It is still difficult, for me to see the tunnels so abandoned now. So ruined, and destroyed, that the trains will forever lay dormant, crushed by the areas of the metro that have since caved in due to the bombs, and failing structure.

Glancing away from the track below, I turn and see Dezbe. A few feral ghouls wander around us, quietly sniffing at our belongings, as if asking to take them with us. They remind me of the stray dogs that lived in the city streets of pre-war. Only, the dogs were not once humans. These ghouls were, and to look at them reminds me that I have escaped a fate many were too weak to avoid. If one could offer advice on my situation, I would ask without hesitation. But I know they can only speak with hisses, and groans. They are no longer capable of thought, let alone speech. For the first time in my life, I miss and long for Gob's advice. Though, I know if I tell him of my guilt, he will stay true to his word, and take Dezbe for himself. I would not be angry at him, for doing so. He is a far better man than I, because he would never have done the things I have done to her.

When Dezbe told me they slept together, I was angry, but as I thought it over, I realized I was not as angry as I should be. Because I trust Gob, and when neither knew if I would ever return, he did what a good man does, and took care of Dezbe. She told me he was kind, and made the pain of my departure a little easier to bear. That he always had kind words and soft things to say to her. Hearing about my friend in that way, allowed me to feel comfortable with them having relations, if anything were to happen to me. I do not want Dezbe winding up with some…Butch. Rather, I feel oddly better now, in knowing she is taken care of should anything happen to me. However, it is a double-edge sword. Gob stated clearly if I hurt Dezbe again, he would take her from me. I do not doubt him on that. Yet he is the only friend I have to speak to. Friend, whom I can trust, I mean.

Tossing away my cigarette, I light another one, and lean against the old concrete barrier. It prevents people from falling to the trains below. The ghouls sit around our small camp, and for a moment I wish I could be like them. Perhaps then I would not make the mistakes I have made. It happened a week after the missile had hit Megaton. The town was early on in the reconstruction. Everyone was tired, worn, hungry and exhausted. Dezbe and I had been arguing a lot. I went for a walk one night, after everyone was asleep. I had thought I was alone, but I know my instincts and senses do not lie. It was then I discovered Jasper. She was hiding near Vault 101, in the same place Zack claimed to have found her. When I first discovered her, she cowered from me. I had, back then, no intention of harming her. I offered her what food I had left, wanting to feel like a decent human being.

Jasper took the food, and noticed I looked…a bit 'distressed'. I ignored her pries, and instead asked about her life. She told me, about her radiation neutrality, her parents being ghouls, and how she had been bought by Caesar many years ago. Taking pity on her, I told her she was welcome to redeem herself in Megaton. That I would allow her return, only if she was willing to prove herself to Dezbe, and the community. Jasper agreed she would return, once her wounds were healed, and she could muster the courage to face everyone. I admired her conviction, and how she was mature enough to allow her wounds, emotional and physical, to heal before committing to anything. Even I knew then, in her wounded state, she would be more of a burden than help. Jasper refused the medical supplies I had on me, and I admired that too. She claimed she wanted to earn her right to use supplies, that those around her needed more. It seemed to me, that she truly was trying. Truly wanted to live as she wanted to live, rather than as Caesar wanted her to. Since I too, had been raised with serving everyone, I understood Jasper's situation more than most would.

When she was finished telling me of her past, she asked again why I seemed so distressed. Off guard, I mentioned the fighting with Dezbe often got to me. Jasper began asking how long we had been together, and if everything was okay. Giving Jasper the short version, I told her of Dezbe and myself. She seemed enthralled, as all females seem to be. I confessed that I did not know what to do, and was beginning to doubt if I wanted to continue the marriage, since things seem to only be getting more and more difficult. Jasper listened, in the way women do. Quiet, sensitive, and caring even when they could be faking it all. It warmed me inside, since it had been so long since I felt so calm and comfortable talking with a woman. I wanted Dezbe to make those feelings arise in me again. It is just…I do not know how to make a marriage work. I simply do not understand the dynamics of it. I do not understand how to get past emotional bumps. I can understand a battlefield, but this…is more difficult, and ten times as frightening.

When I finished expressing to Jasper my unhappiness and discomfort, she was standing beside me. I saw her then, as woman. A woman with sexual urges, and desires. One who was extremely attractive, and rubbing my arm in a comforting way. When I did not pull away from Jasper's grip, she began to move closer. Slowly, cautiously, inching towards me. Gently, she wrapped my hands around her waist, and stood in front of me. There was hesitation, as every bone in my body screamed at my mind to cease. But my mind did not listen. I did not listen, and soon, I felt the lips of another woman on my own.

Religious writings, and the book most people know my name from, details that for my treachery I will be forever damned to the Ninth Circle of hell, in the first round, where those who commit treachery against their kindred are immersed in ice up to their faces. It seems, my life has constantly taken me to places, in which the Ninth Circle is prevalent. Yet as I was lost in the taste of Jasper's lips, it was not my common sense that brought me to the realization that I should not be doing this. It was while I held her, I did not feel Dez's familiar curves. I know how Dezbe's body curves and moves, and Jasper's felt quite different. Suddenly, I knew what I was doing was terribly wrong. I backed away from Jasper, and she peered up at me. I told her, her black hair flowing in the wind, that if anyone were to find out what happened, she would be dead. I explained it would not be by my hand, but Dezbe's, and that she had best pretend this never took place. Jasper has listened, thus far. She fears Dezbe's wrath like most people do. Those who feel I am intimidating have yet to encounter Dezbe, when someone comes between her and her family.

I did not have sex with Jasper, but I feel just as guilty as if I did. It eats away at me, bothers me to no end. All today, I had heard rumors that Dezbe had it out for Jasper. For a moment, I was scared she may have found out about our tirade. Upon speaking with Cain, he dismissed my doubts saying Dezbe claimed to have 'a feeling' that Jasper was up to no good. Dezbe was right, about the wrong thing. Jasper is no longer up to anything, but however, was. And I was a part of it. Cain looked me in the eye as that conversation drew to an end. He asked me, if the guilt he felt was his own to bear. Shamefully, I shook my head. He told me, that although his loyalties now lie with my daughter, he will not speak of anything, since he respects and fears me. Cain does not know exactly what happened, but he knows there is something causing me immense guilt, and eating away at me. He feels it, when we are close. He has agreed to keep my secret, even though he should not have to. I should have told Dezbe about it the night it happened. Instead, I was nothing more than a coward. A coward, who betrayed his love.

Yet that night, made me realize two things. It caused me to see how far apart Dezbe and I have grown, because I never saw a woman as a sexual being as I saw Jasper. I saw them as faceless people, the same as all others. It was only Dezbe, whom ever had a face. Secondly, it made me realize that though I am discontent in this marriage, I still do not want to lose Dezbe. I want to make it work with her, because I love her. I have only temporarily forgotten, just how much I care and love her. That fault, is my own, and nobody else's. Just as the moment with Jasper is my fault, and mine alone.

Staring at Dezbe, as she sleeps, I watch as her breath blows thin trails of her hair into the air. She has not changed, in the forty years we have been travelling together. She is still as beautiful, as she was when she came into the Ninth Circle. I do not want to hurt her. I do not wish to hurt her, to the point where she leaves. Yet I know confessing this guilt I have may cause her to. I know we are on thin ice, and she will take my disloyalty to her as the ultimate knowing. That our marriage is over, and there will be no way to redeem myself.

The feral ghouls around me seem to sense my discomfort and sadness, as they approach me cautiously. Some place handfuls of Radroach meat at my feet, as a symbolic way of telling me they are sorry they cannot help. I look at my fellow ghouls, ragged, stuck in a state where they forever have to live below the ground, and I feel sorrow for them. I do not want to lose Dezbe, but I cannot hide this from her. How can I still look at her, and tell her I love her, whilst hiding this? It is because I do love her. Because I was foolish, and stupid, and fell to desires I had not known were even there. Being around Jasper does not bother me, I do not wish to be with her in the least. Knowing now, my fear of losing Dezbe, I am confident that our rift was caused by us simply growing apart, and not nurturing our own relationship. By placing everyone else above ourselves.

I will understand, if she demands that I leave Megaton. If she tells me to leave our home, and family. Because broke her trust, and after all that we have gone through, I suspect there is not much more I can place on her. In the past, forgiveness was simple, almost. Back then, we did not have Dizzy. We did not have a family dynamic, and only had ourselves to worry about. But now, I know, Dezbe will see this as a betrayal on our family.

Quietly, I walk over to her, and kneel down. Gently, I brush the hair from her face, and take her hands in mine. I know that I must tell her. That I have to, before this journey continues, and I allow her to think that all is well. If we fix this, and I then tell her, she will be destroyed. I do not want to cause any more pain upon her, but I also cannot keep it inside any longer. I hesitate in waking her. She looks so peaceful, and her lips pucker in her sleep, as she mouths my name. It breaks my heart, and that in turn, breaks my spirit.

"Dezbe?"

She stirs quietly, moaning a bit. Her hand slips from mine, and I call out to her again.

"Dez? I need to speak with you."

Again, she stirs, her eyes fluttering open softly. I give her time, to adjust, and remember she is not in the comfort of our own home, or the house in Springvale. When she yawns, stretching, and her eyes find my own, I feel safer.

"Are you awake enough to listen?"

Dezbe nods, quiet, and puts her hand back into mine as she lays on her side, and I kneel in front of her.

"Charon? What is it?"

Her voice is soft, comforting, and kind. I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb, holding onto her fingers tightly.

"I need to tell you something, but I am afraid of your reaction."

She sits up, her face a bit more serious.

"What is it?"

I can sense the nervousness and fear in her voice. I decide not to delay any longer.

"During the first week of rebuilding Megaton, I went for a walk outside after you had fallen asleep. We had been arguing, and I needed to clear my head. That night…I stumbled across Jasper. Dezbe…"

"You slept with her, didn't you?"

There's an angry and knowing tone in her voice. It shakes me to the bone.

"No, Dez."

For a moment there is relief across her face, then confusion.

"So, why are you telling me this? So you've known she's been hiding near Megaton a while…is that it?"

I shake my head at her, feeling the adrenaline and fear coursing through my veins.

"Jasper and I kissed that night, Dez. It was a terrible lapse in judgment. I do not know what came over me. I was alone, I was stressed from our fighting, and the rift between us had grown so vast that I did not know how to act."

She pulls her hands from mine, and stands up. I remain on my knees, my head bowed.

"So you went to another woman? To _Jasper_?

Dezbe says it like a bad taste that needs to be gone from her mouth. I look up at her, and see the hurt and pain in her eyes. When I say nothing, but reach for her hand, she pulls from me, and takes a step back, almost tripping on the mattress behind her.

"You…did that after all these years? After an _argument_? And you tell me _now_? After agreeing to…to fix our marriage?"

"Dezbe please, understand that I have every want and intention of fixing this. That I did not feel right without telling you this first. Please, believe me when I say, I realized then that you are still the only woman I love. The only one I wish to ever be with."

She shakes her head at me, as I rise to my feet. Kicking the mattress with her heel, she backs away from me. She looks at me with anger, and betrayal.

"No…"

"Dezbe it is true. Everything I say, please."

I reach for her but she shoves me as hard as she can. I nearly fall to the ground, as I see tears streaming down her face.

"Don't touch me! Don't you _dare_ touch me!"

I stand, facing her, unsuccessfully hiding the shame across my face.

"After all this time…after…after everything we've gone through. After Lily and Amata I had…I had thought you'd outgrown this…"

"Dezbe I have! I want you, only you. I do not know what happened."

"So what? You going to find another woman now that we're fighting now?"

The tears fall from her face, and I feel a sharp pain in my chest.

"No. Dezbe, you have every right to be angry. You have every right to hate me right now, but at least believe me when I tell you that I am sorry. That I love you, and truly wish to make this work, but I simply could not make it work without telling you this."

She shakes her head at me, wiping her face and laughing. I sense her laughter is a reaction from the anger. I want to reach for her, but I decide against it.

"This is so stupid. This is insane. Why did we even come out here? Why? Because I know now this isn't going to work. I mean, I knew there was something up with Jasper, but I didn't think it was _that_. I thought she just had a crush on you. Jesus Charon, this isn't going to work now. Not after…this."

"Do not say that, Dezbe. It will work. After all that we have been through…"

"History is not security, Charon. If the love isn't there, it isn't there."

"No, but we can make it out of this. We can make it out of this, and emerge stronger than we were before."

Again, Dez shakes her head. She runs her fingers through her hair, and holds herself.

"The love isn't there, Charon."

"It is there, Dezbe. Last night, it was there. We both had the chance to walk away from this and we instead chose not to. We stayed up late that night, making love, talking of everything there was to talk about. There was a passion there, that has not been present in a very long time."

"One night of passionate sex doesn't fix all our issues. Or bring back what we once had."

I refuse to give up. I refuse to believe that this will be what breaks our bond. Because it is not meant to be. Dezbe and I have been thrown into the fires of hell, and emerged unscathed and closer than we were when first tossed in. This is not what will end us. It is nothing, in light of everything else we have suffered together. I love her far too much to give up. Because in my heart, I believe, against all my logic, training and experience, that she is my soul mate. That there is someone out there, made for another, and she is the better half of me.

"I am not going to allow this to be what ends us."

"But I am!"

She yells, her voice echoing down the tunnels. In my mind, something breaks. Something…causes me to just act. I feel as if I would, if I saw another man trying to get Dezbe's affections. Reaching out I grab her, and ignore her punches and kicks as I bring her close to me.

"We are going to work through this. I am not giving up on us yet."

"It's over! You'd rather be with someone who destroyed your home than your wife! You want other women? Then take them! Take them all!"

I hold fast to her, pinning her arms to her sides as her back presses in to my chest, and her sobs cause her to vibrate and penetrate the walls of the metro tunnel. The feral ghouls watching us stare on, with sadness and curiosity emitting from their now-soulless eyes.

"I want _you_!"

I yell to her, and her head falls forward. I feel her shaking in my arms, trembling with sadness and anger.

"I want you, Dezbe. I want you, all of you. I do not want anyone else. I never once in my life did. It has always been you, Dez. Always."

"Why do you always hurt me?"

She chokes out through sobs. I let her arms go, and she steps away from me. She does not face me, but instead wraps her arms around herself once more. She stands, shaking in her armor. I did this to her. And I deserve to be encased in ice and feel the sharp stabs of pain for all eternity for it.

"…Because I do not deserve you. Because…I do not deserve a woman, as patient with me, whom is willing to forgive and fight for me, as you have."

"You always make me cry…and I just…want to be with you…"

I fall to my knees, and cover my face in my hands. I say nothing, because I cannot think of anything to say.

"Is this what that song means? The song you gave me forever ago? The one I've always sang…it means this, doesn't it? What we're going through, right now."

Dezbe asks me, with a broken and shaking voice.

"…Yes."

I say to her, my hands falling on the pavement below me. It has many meanings, but right now, it feels befitting. About an old, and broken love.

"After all we've gone through…and now this."

"It can be fixed, Dez. I am willing to do anything, to fix it alongside you."

Turning around, she looks at me. Her eyes, though filled with tears, have a shine and mischief behind them. I almost want to smile at the glimmer of hope I see, but I restrain myself. Dezbe comes over, putting the mattress between us, she sits on it. I stare at her, waiting for her to speak.

"Does it take these overly emotional moments, to show us that we truly don't want to leave the other person? That…we really do care?"

"They serve as a painful reminder. Please, forgive me."

Her dark brown eyes look into mine.

"How can I ever trust you again?"

"I am not asking you to trust me."

"What are you asking, then?"

"For your forgiveness. For one last chance, to be with the only woman I have ever loved."

"You would have fallen in love with any dame that bought your stupid contract."

I take her hands in mine, and shake my head.

"I would have been utterly disgusted and detached from any other woman who bought my contract."

"How do I know that?"

"Because look at all I forced you through. Do you think any less of a woman could have endured all of it? Could have broken the mental barriers the facility spent twenty-some odd years creating, and gotten me to fall in love with them? Have you even met the woman determined enough to do that?"

"…No, actually."

"So then know that _you_ are the only one I want. You spent our life together, forgiving me, chasing me, and protecting me in your own way. Allow me to return the favor, Dezbe. Do not throw away our lives, because I-"

"Thought with your penis?"

It is not entirely true, but I nod anyways.

"Yes."

"For a _fourth_ time?"

"Whom was the third?"

She shrugs, and takes her hand away.

"That annoying brat I travelled with from The Pitt. Yeah. I know about that. Raul told me."

I do not even know when she last spoke to Raul. I had almost forgotten about that girl, until Dezbe mentioned her.

"Don't worry, I don't hold that one against you. I thought you were dead, anyways."

"Dezbe, those women are useless. Disposable. Dead by now, Lily and Amata for sure."

"Your point, Charon?"

"That they mean nothing to me, and are terrible mistakes that I will spend every waking moment henceforth making it up to you."

She rolls her eyes at me.

"Look at you, making up big words and shit."

Dezbe's best defense is being snarky. Something I have grown accustomed to over the decades. As soon as I touch her, she bursts into sobs again.

"Dez…"

"How can I think now, that when we fight you won't run off and makeout with some other tramp?"

"Because I will do all I can to earn your trust."

"I don't know, Charon…I'm so tired and…I just want to be free."

"We are free, Dezbe. We are free. We can blow up the entire city if we so please. We can do anything you want."

"Having a happy marriage seems to be out of the question."

"Do not speak like that, Dezbe. Please. I am…begging you."

Her eyes meet mine, and I know I have gotten my point across.

"Charon is begging? That's a first."

"For you I would beg. Only, for you."

Dezbe sighs, and I notice she swallows hard, the pain that I have caused her.

"I'm tired, Charon."

"Rest, then."

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

I am scared to ask if she wants me to be. But I know it is a question I cannot avoid.

"Do you wish me to be?"

Dez nods her head, as she lays down on the mattress, leaving room for me to lie next to her.

"I do. I'm scared, but, I know that I can walk away from you if this happens again."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I want to right now."

It hurts me, but I understand. I deserve it, and I know the consequences of my actions were not going to be easy. It is a fate I accept, and one I do not wish to fight. Laying down beside her, I wrap my arms around her, ensuring she cannot run off.

"It will never, happen again, Dezbe."

"I've heard that before, Charon."

I bring her closer to me, wishing that I could simply allow her to feel what I am feeling. Perhaps then she would believe me.

"Dezbe, I promise you, I will never harm you again."

"One day, I'll believe that."

She falls asleep shortly after. Her deep and slow breathing echoes throughout the tunnels. Although I know we are in trouble, I know things are thin, and dire, I feel a weight has been lifted. By telling her, I have allowed myself to fully move forward with making our marriage work. There is nothing holding me back, from showing her that I would still risk my life, if only to spare hers.

Though she sleeps, I cannot. Fear, nervousness, those emotions fill me. They run deep in my veins, and pulsate through my entire body. I remember Gob's words, and they ring true in my head. I have hurt Dezbe. More times than I ever should have hurt her. More times than she ever deserved to be hurt. Women never stood as a temptation to me. I never looked at a woman, and thought of sexual urges. Simply, saw them, as another human in this world. Nothing more, and nothing less. My loyalty to her after so many years was something I would pride myself on. Now, will it end? Will our life together end, because of an error on my part? Because I was foolish and stupid enough to submit to petty human wants? It is a possibility. One, that I wish not to think of. One I wish to simply ignore, in order to get a night's rest.


	39. Look for the Stars

(Zack)

It's not easy, living out here. It's not easy any day of the year, really. But it's even harder, when you have to rebuild a town. A lot more stress is weighted down on you, and the knowing that if an attack from a group of Raiders came, you'd be completely and utterly unprepared. But it is my home, and it is what you make it. Looking at Megaton as I stand near the edge of the city, where the gates of Megaton once stood, I find I'm happy with how it's turned out so far. There's still work to do, but nothing big to where it needs to be done at this exact moment. The homes, rise and fall around the crater in the center, as they always have. The crops are in the same place as they once were, in the hopes that they soon begin to regrow. I think we're going to need another G.E.C.K, but that isn't for me to decide.

It looks like a shantytown. Something my father said was around in pre-war. A town, built out of the scraps thrown away from the rich. The ghouls who live in Tenpenny Tower certainly have it better than we do, but if I remember correctly, my father claimed they fought for that tower, and thus deserve it. We lived there when I was very little. I don't remember much of my time spent there, but we moved back to Megaton because there was more space. When you have a growing child, one room is hard to live in. That's how my father put it, anyways.

Steel raps are still being built, and the old saloon my father would run with my mother has been rebuilt, too. Slightly different, but in the same place. Everything is in the same general place, so that way the citizens feel the same sense of safety and familiarity that Megaton once held for them. I would have preferred to build it better, more efficiently, but the greater good holds a lot of leverage over the opinion of one man.

I'm excited to have my home almost finished. All that's really left to do is get supplies, like beds and whatnot, for the citizens to sleep in. The ones who are recovering faster claim that we've done enough, and as soon as they're well, can get the rest on their own. Dezbe and Charon went into town to gather supplies for everyone, so nobody is really making any decisions until they return. Roy and his people want to get back to Tenpenny as quickly as possible, but again, nobody is moving anywhere until Charon and Dezbe give the say-so.

It's not because anyone really fears them, it's because everyone respects them. So much so that they don't want to leave their town unprotected after everything they've done for everyone. Though it annoys Roy, I can tell he's happy to help. I have memories of him as a child, when I lived in Tenpenny. He was never overly kind, or overly mean to me. Roy is just one of those ghouls that exists and you just know you don't want to get on his bad side. He wears the same armor as Charon, and reminds me of a lesser Charon. Less intimidating, less angry, less mercenary, but still strong in his own rights and reasons. All in all I wouldn't want to mess with him.

Looking over to my left, I see Jasper walking towards me. She has bandages on both of her hands, like a Raider would wrap his knuckles. Her wrist is still in a splint, and I admire how her long, black hair blows gently in the wind. Her skin isn't as pale as it was when I met her in New Vegas. Now it's tanned nicely, making her bright green eyes contrast with her more beautifully. They're sharp, and bright, and damn if her eyes don't drive me insane. I know what she did was horrible. What she caused was even worse. But still, I love her. I can't explain why, but I do. I guess because I fell for her, and fell hard enough to feel that she can do no wrong. That in my eyes, it wasn't all her fault. It was Caesar's, his Legion, and everyone else's. But to me, she's purely innocent. Just a girl caught in the middle of something she should have never been involved in. A lot of people will judge me for it, but so far the only people who know what she's done know she's here. They tolerate her for the most part. Roy and his gang all like to peer at her. Everyone just knows she isn't from around here. She's not as scarred, rough, or ragged as the women who inhabit the Capital Wasteland. Jasper still has silky smooth skin, and she still has this delicate air around her. Though soon enough, she'll blend in fine, once she gets used to hard work and real survival, that is.

"Hey, stranger."

Jasper says to me in that sultry, and beautiful voice she has. I kiss her red lips and smile down at her.

"Hey."

"Is this where you've been hiding all day?"

Jasper spent her morning with Dizzy, negotiating the trade route that would flow from Megaton, to Rivet City, and back to The Pitt. Both Wernher, the runner of The Pitt, and the Capital Wasteland citizens would benefit from an open trade route between lands. It would broaden our horizons, and all of it is thanks to Jasper. She doesn't have to put much effort into convincing the traders to open a new path, with her good looks.

"I'm not hiding. You've just been busy is all. All set?"

She yawns and nods her head. It's been hard for us, these past few days. Dizzy and Cain both made it clear that they don't like Jasper. Don't even get my started on my father, either. He's been as mean to her as he can be. Which, generally speaking is not that mean, but still. He's putting the effort in.

"Mhm. I'm done for the entire day, and boy, I'm exhausted."

"Was Dizzy mean to you?"

I ask because I know Dizzy has a particularly nasty streak with girls she doesn't like. It's been that way since she was a kid, and followed through to New Vegas, and now here. It seems like Dizzy has changed, grown up a lot and all that, but I know she's still the same old Dizzy deep down. Jasper shrugs at me, giving me a sideways glance as I light a cigarette.

"She was alright. I mean, she wasn't as bad as she usually is. I'm learning to just ignore it."

"That's not a good strategy for dealing with Dizzy, you should know that."

"It isn't like I can pick a fight with her. Even if I could, I don't really want to, anyways."

I raise an eyebrow. Jasper's been intimidated by Dizzy since the very beginning. Hearing her say it aloud it just odd.

"See, that's why I love you?"

She looks at me, giving me a confused smile.

"Because you're not…brazen. You're kind, and sweet. It's a nice change of pace from being around Dizzy all the time."

"There are other women in Megaton."

I shrug and shake my head, blowing smoke from my mouth.

"Yeah but it's not like I want to talk to them. I just keep to myself most of the time, you know that."

"When do you think Charon and Dez will be back?"

Last night, Jasper confided in me that she feels safer when Charon is around. Said that they had some things in common, and she felt like he would defend her against his daughter and wife. I didn't really want to burst her bubble and tell her Charon wouldn't defend anyone against his daughter, and I feel bad for the soul that tries to get him to turn against his wife. Letting Jasper live in blissful ignorance is a lot easier than having to explain it to her, anyways. A man like Charon is not someone who can be described easily to someone who didn't grow up with him. He takes a lot of years and time to understand, and even then I'm pretty sure only Dezbe really gets him. Not even my dad understands him half the time. It's not a bad thing, it's just that he's very closed off.

"Who knows? A few days to them can really mean a few weeks. I don't even know where they went, exactly. Nobody does."

"Well, I hope it's soon. Because then everyone would stop picking on me."

'Everyone' entails Dizzy. Cain really doesn't talk to her. He tries not to, anyways. Something's been up with Cain lately, too. I can't put my finger on it, but when he looks at me I get the feeling he's gonna tear my head off. Not used to seeing him like that, so I've been avoiding him at all costs. He does put the same fear in me as Charon does nowadays. With him being all icy towards anyone with a penis. My dad said it's just a mood that's over Megaton, and it'll pass soon enough. I want to believe him, but dad's been an emotional wreck, too.

I try not to let on that I know, but I can hear him at night. Usually Jasper falls asleep once we get inside, since she's not used to being in the sun and working all day. So she's never really heard it. I hear him crying at night. I hear him, sighing to himself and sobbing as quietly as he can. Sometimes he says words, but I can't ever make them out. I think he's crying for my mom. Growing up, dad never really mourned for her. He just pushed it down inside of him, and let it stew and simmer. Maybe now with everything that's happened, it's finally coming out. Which I want, because it's high time that my father really mourn the death of my mother. It's only right, and a part of me feels guilty for inadvertently making him feel that he couldn't.

"Jasper…I really don't think Charon is going to defend you against his family. I mean, he'll make sure nobody hurts you, but I'd steer clear of trying to make nice with Dizzy and Dezbe."

She pouts at me, but this time it doesn't work. After all, I'm doing it for her own safety.

"But he likes me, kinda…"

"You know how Dizzy was in New Vegas? How all the dancers were scared of her?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, Dezbe is worse."

Jasper stares, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if it was Dezbe in that position…well there wouldn't be any dancers left in Gomorrah. Believe it or not, Dizzy is the nicer one in the family. Dezbe would probably have taken over the Strip, to be really honest, and left no witnesses."

"Is she really that…insane?"

"Yes. Yes she is and it would be in your very best interest to stay away. And not make nice with her husband. She's got a…personal vendetta against you, it seems."

"Well, Charon will keep me safe, so…"

"No, Jasper, he'll make sure nobody _in the town_ hurts you. If his wife wants to, she will, and Charon won't say a damn thing about it. It's me who's really trying to keep you safe."

Her cheeks flush, and her eyes glass over. The wind blows her hair, making her tuck it behind a perfectly-shaped ear. If she was born in any other time, she could make a killing off of her looks.

"Dezbe really has Charon under her thumb, huh?"

"No, Jasper it's just…think of it like…how can I put it?"

How _can_ I put it? Unless you were around to see it, it's hard to describe the outer dynamics of Charon and Dezbe's relationship, and why he lets her do as she pleased. It has really nothing to do with Dezbe having Charon under her thumb, or anything like that. It's more like 'Nobody messes with Charon's woman' kind of deal.

"It's a respect thing. And nobody messes with Charon's woman. That's how it's been, and how it always will be."

"What if someone did? Or someone came between them?"

Raising my eyebrow at Jasper, I wonder what put this idea in her head. Then again, she's always asked a lot of questions. Not only about Charon and Dezbe, but the Capital Wasteland, my parents, Dizzy, everything. She's curious, I figure, about a world that she's never been to. It's understandable, really, and sort of endearing. Her curiosity is innocent and child-like.

"That'd never happen, Jasper. You'd have to be raised alongside Charon and Dez, I guess. Or grow up hearing their stories to understand it. Nothing is going to tear them apart, as far as anyone can see."

"That's some kinda love."

Putting my arm around her, I toss my cigarette to the ground, and I kiss her cheek.

"Come on, let's head into town and find something to do with all this free time we've stumbled across."

Jasper agrees, and I walk with my arm around her. I'm glad the townspeople don't know about what she did. Keeping a lid on Dizzy is hard enough as it is, that I don't need an angry mob to deal with, either. Though they're under the impression that Dezbe and Charon took care of everything. Which they did. It's just hard, I guess, on everyone. Readjusting to life as it once was. None of us had ever had to rebuilt an entire town. Sure, taking down the walls was hard work, but it wasn't like we didn't know that. We still had our homes and beds to retire to at the end of the day. Here, that's just beginning again. It's going to take a long while before we have any semblance of normalcy, too.

Plus, I've been thinking about the future a lot. I'm going to live for a pretty long time, since I have that ghoul side to thank. And I don't really want to live it alone. Jasper is in the same boat, only she got the shit end of the stick with her neutrality to radiation. For the time being, and for a long time at that, I'm all set with you know, adventures. It never appealed to me like it does to my friends and family. I'm like my dad in that sense. He used to tell me my mother always wanted to travel, and shop in the different towns around the Capital Wasteland. Though 'shop' is a very loose term. My dad is always content. He likes routine and predictability, and I inherited that from him. Jasper seems to be adjusting to this life, and doesn't seem to want to leave anytime soon after all that's happened. So I was thinking, of maybe getting a home with her.

Not now, I mean, we all just finished rebuilding a _town_ for god's sake. Nobody wants to build any more, and there's no empty homes. We didn't build for any extras. So I mean, in a few months, maybe building my own home to have with Jasper. And then maybe, after that, trying to start a family. You'd think there'd be babies running around here all the time, with all the unprotected sex that happens. Really, though, radiation makes it increasingly difficult to get pregnant. It's nothing wrong with the women, but Dr. Barrows found that it has a serious negative effect on the sperm count in men. So that's why people can just kind of do it like the Yao Guais and not have any children. Which makes sense, to me. The pill he made, though for ghouls, is available for humans, too. He said with a positive reaction to radiation, while still being human, it didn't matter which one I took. When I asked how this pill worked exactly, he said it simply helped the male body produce an abundance of fertile sperm. In other words, 90% of what men shoot out are blanks. And the other 10% aren't strong enough to make it. The pill allows for 100% strong and healthy sperm twenty-four hours after taking it orally. He did mention he had it in suppository form, if you know, anyone was into that.

For a while, I just assumed the women weren't fertile. But all along it was the men. Go figure. Since Dr. Barrows has been around here so much, I wanted to ask as many questions as possible, so when he leaves, I'll have a better understanding of how my world works, and what gives with the sudden change in human population in only three-hundred years. He told me women are still fertile, simply because women can survive longer than men. I didn't believe him at first, not because women are weaker, but because it's really always the men going out and doing the dangerous stuff. When I explained that to Barrows, he said 'Exactly'. I kind of got what he meant. We put ourselves at risk, while the women stay home. At least, that's just what I've seen from the couples in Megaton. It has nothing to do with girls like Dizzy and Dezbe. Barrows saw my confusion and said women can endure more pain, since you know, childbirth and all, and that with their breasts and other womanly features, they can store nutrients and fat for longer time. Their bodies are built to endure, and continue the species on. Men, are sort of just used as 'baby makers'. Barrows tossed in that he wondered why women hadn't evolved to be asexual, since they can do everything a man can, and while looking better.

So that's what I learned, anyways. Has nothing to do with anything of importance, other than I just wanted to know if Jasper was able to have children. Even ghoul women, are fertile, and it's only the male end that doesn't seem to work. Just that they don't have any working sperm, whatsoever. And you know how he discovered all of this? By me. My birth made him launch the study, since he was baffled as to how Gob could have created me. Turns out, I'm that one-in-a-million chance. Ghouls are 99.9% sterile. I'm glad my birth contributed to discovering that, but I could have done without exactly how he found it out from my dad.

"What do you think of kids?"

I ask Jasper, as we take a seat below one of the newly built ramps to the upper levels of Megaton. She shrugs, and shakes her head.

"I don't know, really. I've never been around one. Why?"

"I was just wondering. Hey, how would you feel about, in a few months from now, building a house with me? You know, for us to live in?"

Jasper thinks it over, and nods her head as she chews on the inside of her cheek. It's a trait I kind of like.

"Yeah. I think that'd be kind of nice, you know. A place just for us, instead of with your dad."

I'm not sure how my dad will react. I hope by the time it all happens, he'd be supportive. I mean, I know my father will be supportive no matter what I do. And if there's a child, he'll love it to no end. But I want him to love the woman I want to make a family with, too. It's far enough in the future, where there may be room for him to forgive and warm up to Jasper in the meantime. I want him to give her a second chance. He liked her when they first met. My father, though…he's a mystery to me, sometimes. I think a bit of Dez and Charon rubbed off on him. Over the years, he's been able to express his dislike and distaste for certain people easier. He's really come out of his shell. Maybe it's from standing by and watching the woman he cares so much about be with his best friend.

It isn't a secret to me. I just know better than to bring it up. You can tell by the way they sometimes look at one another, there's feelings between them. The kiss in front of Vault 101 kind of brought it home in my eyes. It makes sense, though. Dad and Dezbe have known one another longer than I care to know about. After mom passed, it's only natural things would start to evolve and grow on their own. And my father has always spoke very highly of Dezbe. But, true to the good man he is, he's never gotten in the middle of her relationship with Charon. I think it's because, only a lesser man would go against his best friend, for his best friend's woman. He respects Charon, and although he does care a lot, maybe even love Dezbe, he doesn't want to make a mess of things. I admire how he's always willing to offer them unbiased advice on the other. How he never lets his own feelings mingle with their own personal business. Someday, I hope to be half the man my father is. Because I could never endure everything he has. I could never hold back, and watch the woman I love be with my best friend. Though I guess, I kind of did, with Cain and Dizzy. But, the difference between them and my father's situation, is I never really got out of the Capital Wasteland to really find a woman. I never bothered to look. Even when I still wasn't looking, though, I found one.

The wind blows again, and it's a cool breeze. Before the missile hit, we'd be able to tell the oncoming of the colder months by how the wind blew. I know we just had rain, but I'm not sure if that means anything. I don't know if the weather patterns will still be the same. If so, we're very underprepared. The cold months are nothing to mess with. It gets colder than ice, to where you can see your own breath. You can imagine how a bunch of people accustomed to living in desert heat deal with that. We hardly have appropriate armor to wear during those months, and our guns jam more frequently. The only one who seems unfazed by it all is, you guess it, Charon.

I look up to the clear blue sky, while the buildings of Megaton invade my peripheral vision, creating a perfect circle of sky to stare at.

"Something wrong?"

Jasper asks me as I stare up. Though I'm not sure what staring at the moon will tell me.

"Just wondering about the weather. We used to get cold months around here. I'm not sure if the missile affected that or not. It kind of worries me."

"Cold months?"

"Yup. Freezing temperatures. A lot of us don't leave our homes. We stay inside, drink whatever whiskey and brandy we can, and make warmth out of whatever we can."

"You never mentioned anything like that to me…"

I shrug.

"It's not that important."

Jasper looks at her bandaged hands. I had been meaning to ask her about that, but with all the other conversation, I suppose I forgot.

"Why did you bandage your hands?"

She looks like she doesn't want to tell me, but I prod her until she relents.

"Dizzy wanted me to help her move a sheet of steel. I told her I couldn't, with my wrist still healing. She didn't listen, and we got off balance, and it fell. The steel sliced my palms open. It's not a big deal though, really."

No, it is a big deal. It angers me. Dizzy knows that Jasper can't lift heavy things until her wrist is healed. This is why I told Jasper to be cautious of Dizzy and Dezbe. Dizzy would pull something like this. She would. And it pisses me off. Standing up, I start to walk towards Dizzy's house, against the protests of a scared Jasper.

Jasper doesn't understand, though. Dizzy and I go way back, to when I held her as a newborn. She won't mess with me like she does everyone else. And I'm really sick of this power trip she seems to be on since her parents took off. It's not _her_ town to call the shots in. What, just because mommy and daddy left, she thinks she's in charge? I'd think my own father and myself would have a higher ranking than her, just because we have decades of hard work put into this town. Dizzy is a spoiled, rotten brat and really needs to learn her place in the pecking order of this place. Especially now since it's built new. Charon may be the unofficial sheriff and mayor, but it doesn't mean his daughter is next in line for that position. Especially since she's about as experienced at running a town as a Brahmin.

Pounding on the front door, Dizzy answers in just a bra and pants. I guess she's taking advantage of her parents' absence and having alone time in their home. Which I find completely disrespectful.

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

She completely ignores Jasper, only giving her a dirty look. Since when did she start caring about this town anyways? She never has before, why start? Getting right to the point, I don't want to waste my day arguing with Dizzy.

"You know Jasper can't lift heavy things, Dizzy. Why the hell did you make her do it? She's injured."

"Zack, really, it's fine."

Jasper says, pulling my sleeve to get me to drop it. But I won't drop it. Someone has to put Dizzy in her place. Her parents sure as hell won't. Sure as shit, Dizzy gives me a shit-eating smirk and leans against the doorframe, crossing her arms.

"I needed to move it, it was in the way."

"Bullshit, Dizzy. When are you going to stop this petty passive-aggressive bullshit and grow up?"

"When you stop fucking the traitor that ruined our town."

I shake my head, anger seething out of every pore in my body. I point my finger in Dizzy's face, knowing that if Charon were to see this I'd get my ass kicked ten ways from tomorrow. But he's not here right now to protect her, and she needs to stop hiding behind him anyways.

"You have _no_ say in what I choose to do."

"I do when it's in my town."

"It's not _your_ town, Dizzy! It's not, and you need to stop walking around like you own the damn place!"

"Oh, get your hand out of my face, Zack. If she can't work, she shouldn't be here. Simple as that. Even I fucking worked growing up, and you know that."

I do, and I can't argue that she has helped a lot since the missile fell. Even before then, before she started running with Raiders, she did help a lot at my father's store and even with the crops. But still. It's not like Jasper can't ever work, she's just temporarily disabled, and she did open up newer and cheaper trade routes.

"She _can_ work, Dizzy, you know that. You're just being petty. Enough."

"No. I'll do what I see fit, and short of tearing out each of her teeth one by one, she needs to understand how much she hurt everyone. And get your goddamned hand out of my face."

I'm not sure if it's the threat she makes to Jasper, or her slapping my hand away, but it pisses me off. I grab her wrist and hold onto it tightly, while staring into her eyes. She looks back at me, and I feel the warming sensation of radiation coming from her palm.

"Do not start this, Dizzy. You know I'm stronger than you, even if you have the abilities of a Glowing One."

When I don't let her wrist go, Dizzy puts her free hand on my own wrist. Like a tangled mess, we stand and glare at one another, and I feel my sleeves melting as her hands glow with radiation. Her abilities don't scare me, I'm immune to radiation just like she is. What does make me nervous is how that much concentrated radiation will affect my skin, but still, I don't let up.

"Dizzy. Let. Go."

"No. You need to take that wench and go somewhere else."

Gathering my strength, I knock Dizzy backward with enough force and surprise that she lets go of my arms and falls back onto the table they've made from steel scraps. I stare at her, hearing Cain slam a door and come running down while he puts his own shirt on. He looks at me, in that cold and calculating way, then down to his girlfriend on the floor as she picks herself up. I don't fear Dizzy's angry snarl, because it's something I'm so used to seeing. What I do fear, is the look Cain gives me as I look over at him. It's freezing, and his blue eyes emit daggers.

"Cain, calm down, I didn't mean to, alright?"

I know he's an android. I know he's programmed for warfare, and to protect one individual person. I also know since having a taste of the war he's programmed for, he hasn't been the same. And his want to protect Dizzy has grown in vast amounts since then. In short, I know Cain is just as strong as Charon, and just as protective of Dizzy, and I've just gone and pissed him off.

He marches towards me, and I try to fight off his advances. It's no use, and Cain wraps a strong hand around my throat. He lifts me off the ground a few inches, and I kick, trying to get him to let me go. Jasper screams, and tries to rush towards him, but I put an arm out to stop her as I hold in what precious air I have. Cain is not himself right now, and he will not discriminate against women. I stare into his eyes, trying to get his attention, but I do not see the man I have known my entire life. I see someone that I hardly recognize. Someone cold, and angry. Someone void of human emotions, void of logic and reason. I see a war machine, staring back at me, as I begin to lose strength.

"Cain. Enough."

Dizzy says, in a strong and calm voice. Like he's being controlled, Cain begins to lower me to the ground. He forces me to my knees, his burnt red hair falling in front of his eyes. Moving closer to me, Cain puts his face in front of mine, and growls.

"Get. Out."

He says, before tossing me onto the ground with full force. Jasper runs to my side, as I watch him slam the door in my face. What just happened? The Cain I knew would never do something like that. He would never simply act, without asking what happened. He would never in a million years hurt me, and yet, he did. Jasper asks time and time again if I'm alright, while I stare in bewilderment at the door. Finally I collect my thoughts enough to answer her.

"I'm fine."

I say, my throat a bit sore. But the way Cain was holding me…it was like he knew. He knew if he held any tighter, there would be a bruise. If I told anyone this, I know they won't believe me. All I have to show for it is a slightly melted sleeve of clothing. Cain's never acted this way before, and I begin to fear for the people of Megaton. Dizzy must know that something's up, or she never would have been so calm and controlled. She must know something changed in Cain, and doesn't want anyone to know. But he could be a danger to this town, and unless Charon is here to fight, nobody would be able to stop him.

Jasper helps me to my feet, and we start to walk away from Megaton. I just want to talk to her in a place nobody can hear me. She looks at me, her eyes full of fear, because the Cain she knew in New Vegas, wouldn't have done that, either.

"Zack, what happened back there?"

I can't remember if I've ever told Jasper about Cain being an android. I think I did, so I just assume she knows.

"Something's wrong with Cain's programming. After the fight with Legion, he's been different."

"What do you mean? I mean, I saw what just happened, but _why_ did it happen? I thought you and Cain were really close…"

"We are. That wasn't Cain. That was…that was a man built for war, right there. The fight with Legion must have triggered something in Cain. A failsafe, I don't know. But I know that, that may be why he's been so cold towards everyone lately."

"Failsafe?"

I light a cigarette to calm my nerves.

"Right. He's programmed to protect Dizzy against any and all threats. He…never really took it seriously before. I mean, it seems like since he got a taste of what he was built for, that something in his mind changed, and he…"

"He needs to fight, Zack."

Jasper's right. Sometimes I think she's smarter than anyone else around, for being able to connect the dots so quickly.

"He needs to protect Dizzy, and yes, needs to fight."

"Like…like the junkie dancers at Gomorrah. They needed the Psycho. Without it…they'd freak out."

Jasper really puts it in a good light. That must be exactly what's going on with Cain. It scares me. I guess somehow, Dizzy has been keeping him in check, and it makes me feel bad for yelling at her. Since she would have been the first to know, she must have been spending her extra time and energy making sure he kept his cool and didn't hurt anyone. I can't imagine that's an easy task to do, and maybe that's why she's been letting it out on Jasper. It makes sense now, that I think about it. I walked into a situation without knowing the details, and only knowing that Cain had been acting differently. What if Dizzy can't control him, though? What if one day, before Charon returns, he snaps? Would he kill everyone in Megaton? This is why Dizzy wouldn't be good at running a town. She doesn't think these things through or…or maybe, she did.

If they leave, the town truly is defenseless. Though I don't doubt Roy's abilities, it's always nice to have two people in relation to Charon on your front lines. Dizzy and Cain can't be away from one another for more than a few hours, and so sending him away would also force her to leave, too. Maybe, I don't give Dizzy enough credit these days. Because all of that makes sense.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"You need to be very nice to Dizzy, no matter how catty she's being."

Jasper nods, understanding it now more than ever, that it's for her own safety. Cain didn't even wait for Dizzy to tell him to attack, he just did. And he'll sense if Jasper is being mean to Dizzy. But I think after today, after what just happened, Dizzy is going to be a bit nicer. Because it looked like even she didn't know what Cain was doing, until it was already done. Charon and Dezbe need to come back, and quickly.


	40. Vows of Silence Fall All Over

(Dezbe)

I still haven't forgiven him. And you know, I've been really mean to him, too. Not like, going out of my way, but not answering him right away, and not talking in general to him, and ignoring anything he has to say. Charon doesn't deserve my undivided attention right now, because I'm still fuming at him. I mean, he _kissed_ Jasper. Jasper! Of all women, Jasper! He could have picked any other woman, and I probably would have understood why it happened a lot easier. But no, he picks the _one woman_ I adapted a personal hate towards. And you know, I bet that's why I got that feeling about her. Because she wants to give eyes to _my_ husband. And don't tell me none of this 'marriage doesn't equal property' bullshit. Because as far as I'm concerned, Charon is mine, and I own him.

As we walk towards the Washington Monument, I admire the pool in front of it. It seems though, no matter where we go, there's something to remind us of some memory from our past. Like this stupid, irradiated, murky pool. He dipped me in it when he was human and all cocky. He saved my life in it. Right after finding me over there, at the Museum of History, where Underworld used to be. And Underworld, is also, where we met. Or like down in the metro tunnels. We passed about a million and one places where we rested or travelled before. It's like no matter how much I walk, I can't get the images of us together out of my head. And even though he knows I'm not speaking to him, it doesn't stop him from following really closely, and trying to talk to me, and do other stupid things.

Like, we were in the stupid library, right? And he's reading books about people who existed beyond pre-war. Like a billion years ago, it seems like. And I'm just parading around, looking for something about science or whatever my interests were in there. And then he comes over, while I'm sitting by myself, minding my own business and remembering how he blasted off all the Raiders near here without a single word, and sits down next to me. He just sits down, like it's all fine and dandy. And then he starts flipping through the books, and writing something down on this scrap piece of paper, with this pen he found on a desk. Then, when he's done writing, he hands me the paper. And you know what's on it? Quotes. By dead people.

As I read the paper, though, I wanted to be angry at him. I really, really did. His handwriting is beautiful, by the way, but that's not the point. It was what was on the paper. Poets, philosophers, and writers of a time that nobody can remember littered the paper. And all of them, about one thing: love. One of them, really sticks out in my mind. I didn't let Charon know that I stuck the piece of paper in my pocket. I know after reading it when I looked up at him, he was gone, and back to reading and browsing the shelves. But I realized, it was his own way of confessing things that he couldn't put into words. By mimicking the great authors that came before him. The one that sticks out, is by this guy, Voltaire. It basically says that buildings burn, worlds end, and people die. But love, real love, it lives on. And I couldn't help but feel it hit too close to home.

After we left the library, we were ambushed by a group of Raiders, and a few Super Mutants. Before I could fire off a clear shot, my gun jammed. It was stupid, I don't even know why it jammed. But I couldn't fire. Charon, somehow knew something was up, and tripped me up with his legs. He got me on the ground, while he fired off shot after shot, standing in front of me. He got hit pretty badly with a sledgehammer, when a Super Mutant charged him. When the mutant charged, he didn't fire, or defend himself. Instead, he ceased firing, and threw his body on top of mine. The hammer would have hit, and probably killed me, if Charon wasn't there to take the blow for me.

He was crippled after that. I heard the snapping of his spine, and the cry of pain that emitted from him. Quickly, I grabbed his gun, and finished off the remaining enemies. And even though he laid there in pain, lacking the use of his legs, he still asked if I was okay. I could see in his eyes, just how much pain he was in, but he subsided all of that, to ensure my well-being.

Thinking about those incidents now, I realize how hard he's trying. I realize, that even after all this time, Charon is still willing to get himself seriously injured, or killed, to make sure I'm alright. And it wasn't just those two, there were a lot more after that. Like how after I found enough radiation to heal him, and we started walking, he still made sure to go first into the tunnels. Or how when I almost fell down the steps, he caught me before I even realized I was falling. And at night, every night, he'd ask if I needed anything, and if there was anything he could do to get me to speak to him.

I suddenly realize, as I feel the piece of paper in my pocket, how selfish I've been. How I've been so cold and uncaring towards him, when I should have forgiven him after the Super Mutant hit him with his hammer. No man, would have done that, unless it was Charon. No other man in the Capital Wasteland, maybe the world too, would have done what he did for me back there. And all I've done is hold a grudge over him kissing a woman. Simply kissing. And what caused that to happen was half my fault, since I neglected him for so long. Even though I didn't know I was neglecting him, it's still my fault because I should have been paying more attention to my husband than I was. I simply assumed, though, that it would be alright. Just like everything else seemingly is.

Stopping at the base of the Washington Monument, I look back at Charon. It…really hurts to look at him. Not because of what he did, but, because of the look in his eye. He looks like a child, who just got put into an indefinite time out. Defeated, and filled with worry and doubts. I don't think I've said more than a few sentences to him since the night he told me about Jasper. It's been three days since that night. Charon makes eye contact with me, and I have to look away. The emotion in his eyes, against his stoic face, is too much for me to bear.

"Charon…"

I say, looking back at him. He looks like a wounded dog, his gun hanging limply in his hand. The sun has been setting, and an orange glow makes the world seem warmer than it is, with the cold breeze chilling me through my armor. I tuck my hair behind my ear, as I try to figure out what to say next, but nothing I think of sounds right. I want to tell him I'm sorry, but saying that just sounds too bland.

"Yes?"

He asks, eagerly awaiting to hear a response. Nervous, I realize, that for the first time in decades, I'm at a loss for words. Just like I was when this relationship began. I rub my arm, both out of a nervous reaction and because it's getting colder and colder with each gust of wind.

"I'm cold."

I say, and quickly realize how stupid it sounds. It comes out soft, and shy. Like I'm confessing my love for him all over again. Charon steps towards me, and when he realizes I'm not going to back away, he keeps coming. He doesn't stop until he's only a foot away from me, staring down at me. I bite my lip, looking down.

"Perhaps, if we stood closer, the wind would not hit you."

"Maybe. That might work. I dunno."

Sheepishly, I inch towards him until our boots touch. When I feel my toes hitting his, I stop and look up at him.

"Warmer?"

He asks me, and I shrug.

"I guess so. I mean, I don't know. It could just pick up again, and stuff."

He straps his gun to his back, and looks at me. I feel his eyes burning into me, burning with anticipation, and waiting for an answer to a question I never knew he asked. Suddenly, a strong wind comes, and it hits me hard enough to make me shake. Without asking, without permission, Charon wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. In instantly feel the warmth of his body, and close my eyes.

"Does this help?"

I don't want him to think I'll always forgive him. I want to be really strong this time. I want to stand on my own two feet and be really independent and tell him that I don't need him. That he's not out of the water that easily and has a lot of making up to do. That he can't be mean and cruel and make me cry all the time. But I didn't realize how hard it was to do all of that, until now.

"Yeah…it does."

Stupid love. I don't know why it's around. Nobody even likes it, you know.

"Do you feel any warmer? Your armor is cold."

My voice catches in my throat, as I press my face against his chest. It's so warm here, even with the cold wind blowing. It's like Charon generates this heat all by himself, and it's enough to warm the entire Wasteland.

"…Charon?"

"Hm?"

"…I didn't throw that paper away."

He pulls away from me a bit, so that we can look at one another. I bite my lip again, scared to tell him I'm sorry. Really, I just don't know how. I don't know when it got so hard to talk to him again. Seeing all the places we visited, and having him almost die for my sake didn't help, either.

"No?"

Shaking my head, I rock back and forth on my heels. Anything to distract me from the nervousness that I'm feeling right now.

"No. I have it. It's right here."

Pulling it from my pocket, I show it to him. It's like I'm trying to show him some accomplishment. I feel so stupid in front of a man I've been with for forty years. Atom, I feel like that nineteen-year-old nervous girl. Charon smiles down at me, as I hold the paper in front of me like an idiot. There's a soft kindness coming from his eyes now, and he gently strokes my cheek.

"I am glad you kept it. Everything on it, makes me think of you."

"Yeah, I know. I…kept it because of that. And…I wanted to say thanks. For taking that hit for me."

"You know that I have always done that."

"Yeah but it's like…different. Because the hammer, and all."

He nods his head, knowing what I'm trying to choke out.

"Dez, it is alright. I understand."

Putting the paper back into my pocket, I look up at him. This time, it's me pleading with him.

"Do you, though?"

"Yes, I do. I do understand, Dez, and everything is alright."

From nowhere, I start to cry. Cry like a big, fat, baby who hasn't had any cake in too long of a time. I cry because I don't know what else to do, or what else to say. Charon smiles softly at me, and hugs me. He brings me close to him again, and I feel him stroking the back of my hair.

"It is alright, Dezbe. Do not cry. There is no need."

"Yes there is!"

I say, stomping my foot and pulling away from him.

"There is a reason to cry! Because I almost let you _die_! You really could have died back there, Charon! You really could have! And it was my stupid fault."

"Your gun jammed, it is nothing uncommon out here."

"But it _is_ because…because I wanted you to know how mad I was! And then it got all crazy and the Raiders were all 'Yeah we're gonna kill you' and you were all 'Oh no you ain't' and then I was all 'Oh woe is me, I'm pissed off' and then _bam_! Hammer."

Charon tries not to laugh at how I describe everything, but I can tell he wants to. I wipe the tears from my eyes, feeling really stupid and really bratty.

"Dezbe, I know how mad you were. And I understand, please, stop crying."

"You're stupid."

This time he laughs at me, and damn, does it make me feel warm inside. I can't help but laugh a bit, too.

"I am not the one crying, Dez."

He says, playfully. When I take my hands away from my face, I realize how…immature I must look. How it must remind him so much of when we were starting out, and how good it makes us feel.

"I guess. But it's still cold out."

Walking past me, Charon opens the elevator that leads to the top of the Washington Monument. The only time I was up here, was to repair the radio dish for Three Dog. And that seems like forever and a day ago. So I step in, and I give him the ok to hit the button that'll bring us to the top. I'm not scared of it breaking, because for some reason, these things never tend to break. Light jumps off of our faces, as the elevator rises higher and higher. On my first trip up here, I was too scared to enjoy the view. But as we ascend, I realize, how beautiful it is. How the setting sun casts a special glow on all the ruins of the city, how large the city is, and while we get higher, it gives me a view on just how large and infinite the Capital Wasteland is, too.

Everything is so large, when you're walking through it. The buildings, ruins, and desert can all be so overwhelming. But up here, at the top of the monument, you feel so…invincible. Everything looks so small, and I get excited as I point to landmarks. As I see how in the scope of everything, the Capital Wasteland, is really just a small mark on the world.

"Look, there's Megaton."

Though the dome isn't there, I can see the cliff that Vault 101 is built into. I can see, that right to the left of it, is the town I know and kinda like. It looks so tiny from way up here, so little and compacted. The city, and the small moving specks in it, all look like a child's plaything.

"It is a beautiful sight."

Charon says, putting an arm around my waist. The feel of his touch sends a shudder down my spine, and something tells me that everything will be alright after this trip. I look over to my right at him, and smile as the sun finally sets beyond the horizon, leaving the ruins and the Wasteland in a silvery glow of the moon. And on top of it all, on top of the world, Charon and I stand, enjoying the view.

"Charon? Everything is gonna be alright with us, isn't it?"

I ask because I want to hear his side of the story. I want to hear from him, that he thinks it'll be good. That everything when we get home will fall into a happy routine, with Charon and I running off here and there to destroy a few buildings that are probably ready to fall anyways.

"I think so."

Smiling at him, he kisses my head. I don't really want this to end. And if it's a dream, I don't want anyone to wake me. My eyes are opened by the moonlight, and my hope for everything feels renewed. Like it was when Charon and I started out life together. How there was this glimmer of bright hope, at the end of every grimy and disgusting battle. Each time, it felt like my life was waiting to begin. That I'd somehow wake up and my life would take this turn for the most amazing ride. I neglected to see, that I was already on that ride. Some people, stick to rides like the pointless wheel one in Point Lookout. Slowly, they go around and around, calm and content. But then there are rides that have ups, downs, twists, turns and big drops with slow rises. That's the kind I'm on. And I know now, that after every deep fall, there is an equally as great rise. And my passenger? Charon. But I think we all knew that.

"I don't want to do this without you."

I tell him, and he nods in agreement.

"Yes. Living without you would seem so…dull and uneventful. You are needed to keep me on my toes."

We look at one another, atop the Washington Monument, atop the world, it seems. And time seems to just stop. Everything, stops, and the only moving thing are us. Nobody else in the world matters right now. Nothing seems as important, as Charon does to me.

"This would have been a better place to propose, you know."

I tell him coyly, and he shrugs. Feeling his arm drop from my waist, I watch as he lowers himself onto a bended knee. He takes my hand in his, while I smile at him.

"Then, will you marry me?"

Staring, I have this stupid grin on my face. He waits to hear what I have to say, but I don't say anything because I'm too busy smiling at him.

"This is perhaps why there is a ring involved. To seal the deal."

Raising an eyebrow, I look on while Charon pats himself down, looking for something that could possibly resemble a ring. Then, he pulls something from his pocket. It's shimmering red, and glistens in the moonlight all around. My eyes grow wide. I've never seen a damn thing like it before, and it's…beautiful. Red, perfectly cut, I stare at it, at a loss for words altogether now. Charon sees the confusion on my face as I stare at the small ring of pretty, glistening substance. What is it? Where did it come from? Charon slips it onto my finger on my left hand, and I stare at it.

"I have had it since you first rescued me from the Talon base, when my contract was first compromised. Back then, it was a larger gem. They had found strange technology and weaponry. This was one of the items up for examination. I did not wish to leave it behind, and so, I took it. I have kept it safe all these years, without any use for it, until now."

"Charon…it's…it's beautiful. Why didn't you give this to me before? What on earth is it?"

"A gem, Dez. I did not think to, and only found it recently when we were rebuilding Megaton. I had thought it was lost forever, and paid it no mind. I accidentally dug it up, and decided to carve it. It was not easy, to do it in secret. I wanted to present it to you, as a late wedding gift. When the time was right, that is. It seems like the right time, now."

I can't stop staring at it. It fits perfectly on my finger, and I know that Charon did make it just for me. I can't imagine it fitting so well if it was made for someone else. Still on bended knee, Charon takes the hand with the ring in it, and looks me in the eye again.

"So, Dezbe? Will you?"

"You know I will, stupid."

I fall into his arms, laughing and crying all at once while admiring my new ring behind his head. I can't get over how pretty it is, and how for some reason, it reminds me of our time together. Isn't that what these things symbolize, though? The time spent, and the time you will spend, with the person who presented it to you? I don't know, really. I just know that this is how it makes me feel, and everyone knows my feelings aren't exactly in line with everyone else's.

Parting from Charon, I sit on my knees in front of him while he presses the button to bring us down. I still can't get over my ring.

"Do you like it?"

He asks, as if my constant staring isn't an obvious answer.

"Charon, I love it. It's so beautiful, and perfect, and…how'd you know it would fit?"

"You sleep quite heavily."

I laugh, knowing he's right. Tears of joy want to wash down my face, but I put them back in the recesses of my mind. I've cried enough tears, good and bad, for one day.

"We don't have to have another celebration, do we?"

"Not if you wish not do."

"No. I think we should skip the ceremony and go right to the honeymoon. We never really got one, if you recall."

The elevator comes to a stop, and Charon and I step off. I want to spend the night in the Museum of History. For old times' sake, you know?

"I do recall. Anywhere in particular you want to go to escape the cold?"

I completely forgot how cold it was. I guess with all the emotions and the ring and Charon being awesome and you know, the ring, it just slipped my mind. Smiling, as I hug myself for warmth, I point to the museum.

"For memories. I want to go there."

Charon looks towards it, and nods his head. We haven't been inside in decades, and I want to see if there's anything left.

"Alright."

I let Charon lead so I can hang back and stare at my ring. If it glistens and shines this much in the moonlight, I can't wait to blind people with it in the sunlight. I wonder how many caps it's worth? Because I don't want people snatching it off of my finger in case they see it and want to trade it in. You're gonna have to pry this ring from my cold, dead body before I let it go. It's mine. Just like Charon is mine.

As we enter the museum, I'm happy to see the burning barrel is still lit. I still have no idea who lights this thing. I hear the hissing and murmurs of feral ghouls in the area, but since I now know they won't attack me, I don't bother reaching for my gun. It's nice, having a small army of my 'children' around to protect me. Though I don't know if they really would protect me, it's nice to pretend. The marble walls are coated with dust still, and it seems nothings been changed or moved in the past ten years. How long ago was it, that I visited this place? Walking into the lobby, where the entrance to Underworld once was, I can't help but forget the years. My boot catches something on the ground, and I look down to see it.

Memories come back to me. The last time I was here, was to drop off a tombstone to Charon. Because I had thought the shot to the head had killed him. Charon didn't know about it. I never told him. Really, it was because I had completely forgotten about it. As Charon comes to my side, he peers down, and reads the dusty lettering on the plate I had them create for me in The Pitt.

"Dez? What is this?"

He asks, as he picks it up.

"I had it made. It was a long time ago, when you were shot in the head. I thought you were dead, and wanted to leave the world something to remember you by."

On it, is Charon's name, both his birth name, and the one given to him by the people in the facility. It has the date of his real birth year, and the year of his death. He stares at it, fingers running across 'Morten' . Charon isn't used to his birth name being right in front of his face. He stares at it, curious and pondering, and I start to get worried.

"Are you mad?"

Quietly, he shakes his head, still examining the steel.

"Just seeing my birth name, is strange. It means 'from the god Mars' whom was the god of war in his time. I suppose, it is befitting of my life now, more than 'Charon'."

"Both of them. Both of them are you, Charon."

He looks at me, urging me to go on.

"Charon ferries the dead across the river Acheron, right? Well, they had to have been brought there by the god of Mars. You send them to death, and carry them to their eternal punishments. And the only reason they're there, is because they did something to deserve it. So, it's okay, you know. You can be both people."

I realize that Charon never thought of it that way. He never talks about how he feels about killing his family, or any of that. And really, I never ask. Most of the time if it crosses my mind, I figure it's too sensitive a topic to talk about.

"I wonder, if my mother perhaps knew the fate she was sentencing me to, by giving me up."

I shake my head, walking over to the burning barrel and taking a seat. Charon follows me, still holding his own gravestone. Which is creepy, when you think about it.

"I don't think so. But then again, if you think about it, it's not a bad fate. What you went though was terrible, that's a fact. But look at where you are now. If she had kept you, you would have died when the bombs fell. A lot of things would have turned out differently, and Dizzy would have never been born. It all works out in the end, I suppose."

"And if it does not get worked out?"

I shrug, lighting a cigarette and laying on the marble floor. I really like it here. I should make a second home here. Or third, because I really like that place in Springvale.

"Then, it isn't the end."

"That is a clear way of looking at it, Dez."

It is clear, and it's uncanny that I would think so clearly. But I guess over time, I learned a few lessons. That being one of the more prominent ones. And don't go pee before checking if there's enemies nearby. That's another big one, too. Equally as important. Looking over at Charon, I see he's placed down the steel stone, and lit his own cigarette. I smile at him, and put my hand in his.

"This is where we first met. I tended to your head, right here."

"Yes. You did. Many things took place here."

"Our first real kiss, and make out session."

"Yes. And when you returned from The Pitt."

I stare into the flames of the barrel, happy, that it's still here. This barrel is like a landmark, you know. Because every time I come here, my life is in a different place, but this barrel is still lit. It's still warm, and it's still so bright. I guess this stupid barrel means more to me than I'd like to admit. But it's almost like a checkmark on my life. At some point, I always find myself back in front of it. I don't mind it, because this barrel always brings me warmth, and light. This place, I'm always safe in. Nothing bad, aside from Quinn shooting me, has ever hurt me in here. I've always been so safe, and warm, within these museum walls. It's the one building I would miss, if it crumbled down.

"What do you want to do with that, now that I know you're not dead?"

It seems pointless to have it, since Charon isn't going anywhere any time soon.

"We will leave it, and it will serve its purpose. It will tell others my name, and hopefully, they will have heard of me."

"Of Charon? Charon, there isn't a soul here who doesn't know your name."

"Exactly. Stories are being said about us. Stories that will turn to myths and legends as time goes on, and we eventually pass. Someday, a child will find this, and his parents will tell the story of Charon and Dezbe. It will be a reminder that we existed."

He takes his combat knife out, and on the back, begins to carve things into it. I didn't think the steel was that soft, or maybe Charon's just that strong. He doesn't let me see what he's carving until an hour or so and many cigarettes have passed. When he blows the metal shavings off, he hands it to me, examining his combat knife.

_Charon and Dezbe met here, loved here, and shall continue to visit, until our time has passed, and nothing but our names and legends exist. _

Below that, is the year. It took him so long to carve it, because the lettering is beautiful and intricate. I run my fingers over it, knowing that if I were to carve anything it would say 'Dezbe is very, very pretty and she wrote this'. It certainly wouldn't be anything as meaningful, or beautifully carved, as Charon was able to write. But, it does give me an idea.

Getting up, I walk over to the large desk that greets everyone who walks in. Shuffling through, I look everywhere for something to write with, and write on. Eventually, I find what I'm looking for. A small, blank book, and a small pen. Leave it to museums to have almost anything anyone could ever need. For educational purposes. For survival stuff, not so much. Walking back over, I sit next to Charon. I put the pen to the paper, and realize that my chicken scratch will be nearly illegible by the time it's found. Reluctantly, I hand it over to Charon.

"What am I to do with this?"

He asks, waiting for an answer.

"Write. Write down when we met. A timeline. We have to leave behind something other than a tombstone."

And so together, we begin to make a timeline. Starting from when Charon was born, to major events in his life, all the way up to the war. His ghoulification, his fall into Ahzrukhal's possession, to when I was first born. My tenth birthday, my G.O.A.T results, and when I left the vault. It goes to when I first met Gob in Megaton, and to when I restored the radio dish, to when I stumbled into Underworld, and met Charon. I even make him include when he showed me the song 'Hallelujah', and when and where we first made love. Every major moment, every memorable event, and some not-so-memorable, is written down in Charon's perfectly beautiful handwriting. As we grow closer and closer to the present, I wonder if the book will fit it all. Charon assures me it will. We put down when we found Cain, and what he is. We write in Dizzy's birthday, and Charon's first proposal. New Vegas, Enclave, Brotherhood, they're all in there. Talons, and Legion. We make sure to mention Caesar, and when Dizzy and Cain fell in love. No detail is too small, and each marked by a year, and the events that happened in that year. Charon sets it up with the year on top, and events following in that order.

There seems to be nothing we missed, as we read it over. It ends, with the year it is now, according to my Pip-Boy, and how we're reviewing it. When we're finished, we close the book. Putting it atop the tombstone, we keep it far enough away from the fire so that nothing will happen, but close enough to where someone in the future can find it. We make sure to toss the pen into the fire, so nobody can write into it. Laying down, I smile at Charon. We've done some pretty amazing things, and writing them all down, really helped remind us of everything that we've seemed to forget.


	41. Forgotten All We Had

(Dizzy)

I stare at Cain while he sleeps, thinking, wondering, and…I guess praying. I pray to whatever mythological being will listen. Whatever gods my father would tell me about, from ancient civilizations and far beyond then. To anyone that will listen, really, but deep down I know that my prayers mean nothing. That in reality, it's only wishful thinking. I know, that the only way to fix my problems, is to work hard on them, and try my damndest. Even on the days that I can't even spare to move, I have to try. Not just for my sake, but for everyone's. For everyone's, and my own, and Cain's.

There's a lot of stress, dealing with Cain right now. It's been almost a week, and I don't know where my parents are. I could really use their advice and guidance right now, though I bet they'd have just as much knowledge as I do on this situation. Which is nothing. Nothing at all. I mean, I never read Cain's paperwork. I never read this amazing manual on how to deal with your mercenary android when he goes into 'kill everything that moves' mode. I can only do what I can, with what I know. Which isn't a lot, trust me. But you have to understand, this isn't easy. It isn't easy, when Cain stops listening and I have to get in the middle of it. And it hurts, a lot of the time. Physically, since I have to throw myself into the fight to get him to stop. He's a liability to this town right now. I know that, I'm not stupid, which is why I've kept him indoors for two days. Cabin fever my ass, it's that or get the town destroyed. Again.

It's been two days since Cain attacked Zack. After that I knew it was trouble. I knew that Cain couldn't hold back from his programming. When it's just us, he's perfectly normal. For a little while, I felt like I could trust him to go outside and not try to kill anyone. But I was wrong. Very, very wrong. One of Roy's ghoul friends tried asking advice on how to ration the foods, and I made a joke. He slapped my shoulder in jest, and Cain was on him in an instant. He wouldn't even listen to me to stop, like he usually does. His programming just overrode every logical aspect about him. It was like I wasn't even there. He just ignored everything I said, until I got in the middle of it. When he realized I was there, he stopped, and followed me home.

There wasn't time to explain to everyone what was going on. I mean, I haven't left the house since then. I'm scared to. Cain really isn't himself, and he even admits it. He says he doesn't know what happened, and that he shouldn't be allowed out. But I tried to go out without him, and that didn't work out too well, either. He followed me and it almost started another fight, and a whole mess came into play. But oddly enough, Zack was there to fix it. It's almost like Zack gets that something is going on. I don't trust Jasper as far as I can throw her, but it doesn't mean I don't trust Zack. His taste in women is iffy, but, whatever. He's willing to help and that's all I can really ask for right now. Especially now.

Cain knows full well that I don't want the lifestyle my parents' have. I don't want to run amuck and kill a bunch of stuff. I just want to explore the Capital Wasteland in peace and not have to worry about anything. But Cain, he was designed for war. He was designed to kill and maim anyone who poses the slightest threat to whom he needs to protect. Which happens to be me. The one who's supposed to be running the show while my parents are away. A lot of men and women have to talk to me throughout the day, and with Cain threatening to kill or hurt them all, it's really hard to continue on. It's really hard to run a town, with him acting like this.

He doesn't mean it. When we're alone, he's apologetic and sad and confused. But I know. I know it's part of who he's designed to be, and there's no way of getting around that. Not until my parents get home, that is. Then, we can go to Rivet City, get his paperwork, and read it over. We can find a logical and reasonable solution to everything. Thing is, I have to run a town _and_ keep him indoors at the same time. You wouldn't believe how hard that is, when he's an android programmed to kill. It's actually really, really, hard. Everyone knocks on my front door, and I tell them I can't leave and give them the best advice I can without letting on to Cain that I'm talking to someone. People might think this is an abusive relationship, but they don't understand. They don't know Cain, or his origins. It's who he's programmed to be, and it's going to be hard to get past that, but I have to do it with him. Because that's what love is, right?

Right now he's asleep, and it's night, but that doesn't mean he's not aware. He knows if I'm in the room with him, because if I step out, he's awake and looking for me. But he doesn't know why. He just does. It's like he's motion-activated. I've told him time and time again, and we've stayed up late talking about it, that I do _not_ want to be like my mother and kill everything for fun and sport. I mean, there was a time where that seemed fun, but…I've felt war. I've felt the feeling of losing everything. I don't like it. I don't want it. I want a typical Wasteland life, where we just wander and survive and don't pick fights. There has to be a way around his programming. I won't accept that there isn't. Because if there isn't…then…there's going to be an issue. I can't live a life, filled with fighting and bloodshed. Cain needs to live that life, as of right now, it seems. I can't. I simply can't. And if he _has_ to and there's no other way then…well I'll have to deal with that like a mature and sensible adult. Though the thought of living without Cain is unbearable.

Finishing my cigarette, I toss it out the open window before quietly closing it. We had to put functioning windows in, because the cold months seem to be coming, and it's getting chillier and chillier at night. Shivering, I stare out at the cold moon, and the cold desert. I'm a bit scared of it. Of going to Rivet City, and of tomorrow. Each day feels like a battle with myself, and with Cain's issue. I have found, that my radiation does infringe his programming. That as long as I'm touching him and pumping him with radiation, he listens more. It's just exhausting. It's really tiring for me to use my energy to blast him with radiation. It takes a lot of focus that my body isn't used to. I hope it gets easier, because it gets his attention, but I don't know how much more I can do it. My bones hurt, and my body aches every morning. No amount of rest seems to bring me comfort, either. I'm overexerting myself physically, and the mental toll of worrying about Cain doesn't help either. I really want my mommy and daddy to come home. I really need their help and advice. More now, than ever before.

Cain stirs in his sleep, as I sit beside the window, wondering what's going to happen. I mean, we can go to Rivet City, and study all we want, but what if there's no solution? What if Cain can't be cured, unless with war? I don't…I don't ever want to feel the way I did while I was killing Caesar. Even if he was an evil man, it was still a life. It took the feel of war to wake me up and force me to realize that even though someone is evil, there's still a mother or father, brother or sister, maybe even a lover, out there who loves them. Who is waiting for them to come home. And to me a life is a life. I'll defend my own, but…meaningless killing? I can't. I can't take out military factions without remorse like mom. All those people couldn't have been evil, could they? What if they were just following orders? What if they had families? I don't dare say this to mom because she's so protective of her past, and actions. And I understand why. They wanted her dead, but you have to see it from a different view, too.

My parents, I realize as I look at Cain, wouldn't understand. My father was made to kill, but deep down he had free will. It took my mom to break him out of it. Cain has no choice. He's a computer, and a computer will do what it's programmed to do. But am I willing to do what it takes, to keep that computer running? Am I willing to kill seemingly innocent people, because I crossed them on a bad day? All of it is too much, and the more I compare it to my parents, the more indecisive I become. Mom did everything bad, for all the right reasons. Dad did everything good, for all the bad reasons. He did everything for mom, and mom did everything for him. But did anyone do anything for themselves? I wasn't there, so I don't know. But I do know is that I can live without Cain. That he's not needed in my life, for me to survive, like I am in his life. Mom and dad can function without one another, and I know that for a fact. At least, I think I do. Either way, I know it's not as bad as the situation Cain and I are in.

"Dizzy?"

Cain says sleepily, calling out to me when he realizes he can't feel me next to him.

"I'm here. Just…looking out the window."

Half asleep, Cain sits up and looks at me. The one good thing that's happened since mom and dad left is that The Pitt traders brought enough beds for nearly half of Megaton. They're going to come back with more supplies, too, they say. So Cain and I have a bed, and mom and dad do too, in their room, anyways. Cain's eyes catch mine, and I see the same sorrow and wonder that washes over him every time he realizes he's lost himself in his programming.

"…You're thinking about what's going to happen, aren't you?"

It's almost every night he catches me awake, thinking. I can't deny it anymore, so I just agree. The worry coming through no matter how hard I try to mask it.

"It's hard…to think of leading a life like my parents did nowadays."

"Funny, how you used to idolize it."

He lights a cigarette, feeling guilty for something he can't stop. I suppose I'll stand by him, because this truly isn't his choice. But I don't know what I'll do, if there's no solution to our problem. Guess this is what mom always meant, when she said lovin' my dad wasn't easy.

"People change, I guess. I've seen war now. I don't like it."

"I need war."

And that's where our difference lies. That's it, of all the things that could tear us apart, that's it. The one thing. And I know without me, he'll die. But what if I could find someone? What if somehow he could switch his programming? Even if that were possible, it'd still be me he wants to protect. Because he loves me. When you love someone…your viewpoint on a lot of things change. You're not yourself anymore. It's understandable. Like Zack and Jasper. Though I hate her, I see how he still loves her. Because love can never be described or categorized. It's a terrible, unexplainable thing that happens to the human mind. And frankly, I'm starting to despise the very idea of it. Kind of. Not really, as I look at Cain.

The worry in his eyes, tells me he's truly sorry for everything. That he has no intention of doing it, but he can't help it. I stare back at him, wondering if this will last. Wondering if maybe…we're just too different.

"…We'll have to find a solution to this…"

I don't finish my sentence, because I'm too scared to. But there's no need. Cain finishes it for me.

"Or else, I will cease to exist. It's alright , Diz. I've thought about it too. And I'd rather go into stasis, or die, than put you through anything that you don't want to do."

Hearing it aloud makes it sound so terrible. Makes me sound so selfish and angry. But it's true. It's the terrible and nitty gritty truth. I love Cain. I love him so much, but I can't love him enough to kill innocent people. I can't love him enough, to condone his actions against those who did nothing to deserve it. Like Zack, or Roy's friend, or anyone of the like. In the darkness, lit only by the cold moon, I stare and him, and he stares at me.

"There will be a way to fix it, Cain. I don't…want to lose you."

"But if your life is held back because of what I am then…"

"Then we'll figure out a way."

He smirks at me, smoke blowing from his nose.

"You sound like your mother."

In a way, I suppose I do. I suppose my mother and I are alike in the sense where we want to fix every problem. We want to stay with whom we love, no matter what. But like my mother, I also accept that sometimes, it isn't possible. She left my father to venture to New Vegas, for herself. It wasn't the right time for them. If Cain and I could be parted, I'd say now would be the right time to do that. For him to venture off, and get his fill of war, while I stay here, and run Megaton. I'm happy here, running this town. I'd be happy exploring, and finding resources to help my town. And Cain…seems to only be happy on the battlefield. And like my mother, I love Cain more than anything in my life, and will miss him more than anyone in my life if he has to go. But…he won't come back if he leaves. My mom and dad could always go back to one another, and they did. Cain and I, aren't so lucky.

"I'm nothing like my mother."

Even though that's a lie, I feel like reminding him that I'm not bloodthirsty and hell bent on getting revenge. I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but that's her lifestyle. Not mine. Mine is…seems to be, different.

"You're everything like your father, though."

That. That right there is the truth. I get this part of me from him. That if my dad was never brainwashed, this is what he'd be. But I don't know enough about him before the brainwashing, or even during, to make that assumption. I can really, only assume it.

"When mom and dad get back, I'm going to take you to Rivet City. We'll find some way to fix it."

"If we can't, Diz, it's alright. Maybe there's a sleep mode I can activate until you're ready, you know?"

It's a joke, but it doesn't make me laugh. I stare at him, trying to not let on that I'm sad. But with Cain so attached to me, he knows even before I do.

"Dizzy…"

Getting up, he walks over to me and holds me. When he holds me, I love him enough to where I'd fight the world for him. Because here, I feel safe. I don't feel alone, and I don't feel like I'm in this by myself, or that he wants to kill all those people. Sometimes, though, I don't know whose side to be on. He wants to kill people who want to hurt me, but they have families. They're not drug addled Raiders, they're people. And who am I to judge right from wrong? To tell someone they can't kill another, to feed their family? Moral dilemmas are hard, when living in the Capital Wasteland. But Cain is supposed to be different. He's not supposed to be evil. He's…supposed to be just Cain.

"Pain is a thing that robots shouldn't have."

He says to me, holding me tighter. I realize now, what he must be going through. Having to deal with losing himself, the risk of losing the person he's bound to and loves, and the hate of not being in control. Lifting my arms, I wrap them around his waist as I sit, and he stands.

"Sometimes, I can't even cry…"

Cain tells me, and I hold him tighter. It's true. Sometimes, Cain doesn't have the chemicals to even weep. He just has to sit there, stoic, and wonder about what his existence means. A cold draft comes in, making me shiver. Cain holds me tighter, trying to warm me, but it does nothing. Inside, I still feel empty, and frigid.

"I think, that sometimes, there were other androids like me. And I think, that they chose me to live, because I was different."

It's not surprising to me. He's expressed this before, like the other night. He told me that there may be more like him, but now destroyed. Now laying in the ruins of the Citadel, without life, without any existence. Sometimes, he claims he dreams of them. Of seeing them through the tube he was designed in.

"Why are you different?"

It's something I've never asked before, but maybe knowing, will give me hope. Hope, to carry on. Hope to last, until my mom gets home, and I can ask her what to do.

"…I think it's because…I could feel. I could feel, and the others couldn't. I remember feeling pain when I was stuck with things. I remember them reading it on screens. I remember, that I had feelings, and nobody else, did."

"But why would they create a soldier with feelings, it doesn't make sense?"

He shrugs, letting me go. I realize, that I was warm against him. That his body did comfort me against the cold drafts of my home.

"To study, and figure out why Charon found feelings, I suppose."

"My dad found feelings because of my mom."

"Exactly."

The facility never intended for my father to feel. When he did, it threw them for a loop. I realize that they made have created Cain, to figure out why it happened. But they didn't intend on my parents figuring everything out. They never planned for Cain to be rescued and raised like this. They never realized, that someone could love him, in return.

"When my parents get home, we'll fix this, I promise."

"I hope so."

He goes back to sleep after that. It makes me sad, because this issue is driving us apart. I don't feel as attached to him as I once was. I don't feel towards him, the need and want and desire, that my mom has for my father. I'm not as strong as her in that, but I don't see it as weakness. I see it as wanting different things. Cain and I want and need very different lifestyles. We can't all be like my parents. Some of us, are flaws. Some of us are human inside. And deep down, I resent both my parents, for setting an example of love that seems so impossible for anyone else to obtain.

It's like I'm being torn in two. I want my own dreams, but at the same time, I want Cain to be there with me. But I can't have both, and I don't think I'm selfless enough to sacrifice my dreams for his needs. I'm selfish. Spoiled. I want what I want. Cain needs what he needs. He's an android. As I sit and think about all of this, I realize that there's always more than one way to skin a Brahmin.

If Rivet City doesn't prove useful, then there's always the Citadel Ruins. There's always there, for a solution. Maybe even by exploring these places, Cain will be able to fight some Raiders or Mutants and stifle the need for war. If only for a bit. Maybe we'll find answers, and things will be okay. But I can't not explore. I can't not see the land where I was born in, and created for. We could do both. If in the end that doesn't work, I'll have to fix everything. But I don't have to right now. Right now, the man I love, needs me. He needs me more than I need him, and it's my duty to be there for him. Because I'm a woman in love. And what's a woman in love, without being there for the man she's in love with?

Getting up, I go and join Cain in bed. I won't give up everything to help him. I can't. But I can take the time to help him. I can take the time to help solve our problems, but I refuse to sacrifice my own self, like my mom did, for the wants and needs for another. At least, that's what it seems like my mom did. But I don't know. I wasn't there. But I believe we can do it, me and Cain. And if we can't, it will hurt, but I'll have to part from him. I'll have to go somewhere far away, and let myself find me. I'll have to be my own best friend. And when that time comes, I won't cry to mom and dad. I'll do it all on my own. And most importantly, I'll make my own self proud. In my own way. I'm not my mother, I'm not my father. I'm Dizzy. I'm just Dizzy, and I have to be the best me that I can be.


	42. This is What I Thought

(Gob)

Charon and Dez leave for much longer than anyone really damn thought. It wasn't jus' like they left and then came back. Shit it's been a good week. When they came back empty handed, everyone gave them looks of disappointment. Though the two weren't all bad news an' whatnot. Said they found plenty of things, but that they'd need help bringin' 'em back. I understood that, but figured those two went off to deal with the marital problems they've been havin'. Don't take a wise man to figure out there was a rift between them, after all.

Roy and his men figure since Dez and Charon are back, it's safe for 'em to travel out and get the rest of the resources. Charon told 'em where to look, what to get, and off they went. After Charon assured them any and all enemies had been previously taken care of. Seems Dez has a new glow about her too. An old glow. When she started walkin' around Megaton, I realized there was more goin' on in her head than she let on. Damn if she didn't look like she did when we first met. Had this whole energy around her, like the world was new and young again. Been a while since I've seen something like that in her. An' it seems she's got somethin' to flash around on her finger. It wasn't like the women of Megaton weren't jealous before. Now they must be plottin' to get her in her sleep. A pretty red ring, shimmers and blinds you in the light. I ain't seen nothin' like it, and when I overhear people askin', Dez just says she dunno where it came from, either, but that Charon gave it to her. Well, good for them. Always knew they'd be able to pull themselves out of whatever rut that seems to be holdin' 'em in.

As for me I haven't been up to much these days. Typical upkeep work, an' keepin' an eye on Zack an' Jasper. Zack came home with bruises round his neck a few days back, wouldn't tell me where they came from, but I knew it was somethin' bad. Jasper sure as hell didn't do it, girl ain't strong enough to. I wondered for a bit if he got into a fight, but then realized Dizzy and Cain have been staying indoors a lot. Hell they've hardly stepped out since Charon and Dez arrived. Figured something happened, and it's in my best interest to keep my goddamned nose out of it. So I've kept to myself, made sure things have been workin' right, and finally got some sustainable generators. Megaton has power like it once did, only not as powerful. Can only run 'em for a few hours a night, but shit it's better than not at all. Either way finding an easy solution is keeping my mind busy.

It's what I'm doin' when someone rackets on my door. I'm goin' over blueprints to create a more efficient generator out of the ones we make. I'll be damned if I get an hour's worth of silent work in. Shit never happens around here.

"It's open!"

I call out, my eyes still goin' over how this is gonna work. Trying to get the most power out of the least work is tough. Hilariously so. But shit it's gotta be done, I mean someone has to do it. Ain't nobody else but Charon knows how to run this shit, and he's busy being a sheriff and whatnot. Some of the Megaton folk have been really angry with the lack of crops, despite the work, and blowin' off some guns. They don't dare do that shit as much now that Charon's back. But they still get mad. I suppose a search for another G.E.C.K is in order now.

Charon walks into my house, and shuts the door behind him. I find it odd that he starts loading my bookshelves against the door, so that nobody can open it, but he's got his reasons. I just watch him, feelin' more and more confused as he keeps on. He doesn't stop until he's sure nobody is getting through, then looks at me.

"I have to speak with you."

I put down the blueprints. Somethin' tells me this is serious. I mean if he's barricading my front door closed, it can't be somethin' easy to solve. But I have no idea what kind of help I can offer to someone like him.

"Need a drink?"

I offer him a beer as he sits down. My homemade chairs ain't made for his weight, and they bend under him. Figure I'll just ignore it for now an' fix it later. Gotta make those stronger.

"No."

Shrugging, I open the beer for myself. I know this is probably serious but shit, Charon hardly needs to talk to me and get advice. Usually he just talks and solves his own problems. I jus' kinda sit an' listen.

"What's up? You never come in here and…hoard shit in front of my door."

"I cannot have anyone overhearing what we are about to discuss."

"What are we about to discuss?"

Pressing the beer to my lips, I let the smooth taste fall down my throat. Charon shifts uneasily, putting more strain on my chair. Again, I try to shrug it off. If he falls, he falls, ain't nothin' I can do about that.

"Cain. There is something wrong with him."

I bet that is where Zack got them bruises. Figured it was better not to ask any of them questions, though. Like I said, I keep my damn head down around here. Don't need questions being asked where there are none to ask.

"Hm. He and Dizzy hardly leave the house now. Thought something was up."

I wanna play stupid so that Charon thinks everythin' is alright and nobody knows. He don't like his personal business hung out like old laundry, anyways.

"Cain has had a taste of war. And now it is all he craves. He is attempting to fight anyone within a certain range of Dizzy, and it has been increasingly difficult to be in my own home. I do not know my options. I would like your input."

My input? Shit I don't know the first thing about dealin' with a rogue android. Especially one made in Charon's image. They're a pair of six foot something weighing in at two-hundred and ninety-something pounds, without armor. Well, maybe I do have an idea.

"Why not fight him?"

Charon raises an eyebrow at me as he lights a smoke. I shrug and wave my hands in the air.

"Hear me out, hear me out. Alright, what if you fight 'em? You ain't gonna lose, because you're stronger an' faster. But, he will. An' maybe losing will, I don't know, reset his programming. He won't want to fight a war he's gonna lose, it goes against all he's made for. Plus, you're both the same, almost anyways. He'd see it as a good enough fight."

Charon thinks over my suggestion. He slowly smokes his cigarette, an' it causes me to want one, too. Lighting my own, I watch the chair he's in. That thing is near its breaking point, he best be careful on that.

"That, may work. If not, I can knock some reason into the boy…"

"Yeah, see, I'm good for somethin' around here."

Before the chair snaps, Charon gets up and starts to clear the junk away from my front door. I guess he didn't want Megaton knowing that there is, in fact, a rogue android that could easily kill them all running around. I mean, Cain could easily kill just about everyone here. Except Charon. That's a fight I half want to see, Charon and Cain goin' at it. Equal height and weight, strength, and somewhat wit. Though Charon has more training and a faster reflex. I think so anyways.

"How are the generators coming?"

Charon calls while he lugs away a trunk full of a whole lotta nothin'.

"Eh. Can't say. Can't figure out an easy solution."

"Sanding belt."

I look at him, and he's out the door. A sanding belt? A belt? Looking back at my prints I realize, that motherfucker has a goddamned point. A belt connecting the two wheels would provide enough power to run the town for twice as long at night, with half the noise, and half the energy.

Standing up, I pace around, drawing the shit into the blueprints, realizing how it works. A belt is an idea I felt too simple to add in, but seeing it on paper, it does seem to fit. Smirking to myself, I hold the papers in front of me and sit in the chair. Lo and behold, that goddamned cursed thing snaps.

"Fuck it."

I say on the floor, papers everywhere. I'll get to enhancing the goddamned generators tomorrow. I got the whole goddamned day ahead, it's just mornin', and I've already busted my ass and solved a problem. Enough work.


	43. Dies Irae

(Charon)

Gob's advice makes more and more sense, as I walk home, mulling it over in my mind. Cain should have the ability to reset his programming, to revert back to the way he was before he had a taste of warfare. But, he may only do that, if he loses. Cain is not programmed to lose, to any one, by any means. Except myself. I am the only one Cain can lose to, especially now. He has become unbearably overprotective of Dizzy, and I can tell by looking in my daughter's eyes, that she is feeling distant towards the new Cain that is emerging. She is discontent, uncomfortable, and unhappy. Tip-toeing around him as if he is the bomb that once was in the center of Megaton. When she looks at me, Cain behind her, she begs me to help her with her eyes. But before now, I did not know a solution to our problem.

I say 'our problem' because Cain's toxic and violent nature has consumed my household. Dezbe refuses to be near him, and leaves the room when he enters. He has also come between the relationship my daughter and I have spent nineteen years building. She is not to be alone with me, and he watches her with cold, and uncaring eyes. The coldness in his eyes, reminds me so much of the coldness that was once present in my own. I am not angry at Cain, because when I look at him, I look past his programming, at the man he once was. I sense, these days, he is the loneliest man in the Capital Wasteland. So badly, Cain wishes to be himself as he once was, but he cannot. I watch, as he has internal arguments with himself, pleading with the programming to cease. But the men who programmed him were not stupid. They made him invincible, and unable to deny his urges for war, for very long.

Had Cain simply been an extension of myself, I would have no problem holding my gun to his temple and ending his existence. However, he is not just that. Over the years, Cain has become a son to me, and to Dezbe. To my daughter, he has become a love, one that she holds true and close to her heart. To the citizens of Megaton, he is to be the protector and savior of them, when my own time comes to an end. It is him, who can continue on with the task and missions at hand. Who can handle the entire weight the Capital Wasteland places upon one's shoulders, without buckling. I had always thought, perhaps Dizzy would take my place as I grow older. Now, I understand, that this is a shared responsibility. Neither myself nor Dezbe alone could have done what we have done. Our time and actions out here, are by two people. Two people, on the same side, with vastly different viewpoints. And yet, that is how it works. Being able to hear a different side of the same argument, and implementing the best for both. It is how we have run things out here, and without Cain, Dizzy will not be able to go very far. Unless, she runs into someone whom she can share her world with that is not Cain. Though I know my daughter. I know, that she is like myself, and wishes to only have one person in her romantic life. That even though she has doubts with Cain at the moment, life without him, is impossible to envision.

I cannot kill him. I do not wish to. He has become too entwined in my life, and the lives of those I care for, to simply leave him dead. I remember my trainer's words, telling me that there should never be any loose ends that could threaten my life. Loose ends whom could come back to haunt me. Cain could be considered a loose end, if Gob's advice does not work. Then, and only then, will I have to terminate him. Simply because his life will put myself and those I love in danger. In the facility, we were taught about acts of revenge. That a simple kill, could invoke a wave of events leading to our possible deaths. We were to never leave witnesses, or survivors, especially children. Children could grow, remember the face that destroyed their lives, and in the adulthood, ruin them. Ruin the killer, under the guise of 'revenge' without fully knowing the story. Cain most certainly would do this. Simply because he is not himself, and cannot see things critically. His only objective will be to seek revenge, and I cannot allow that. Though I love him like my own son, I love my wife and daughter more. They are my own flesh and blood, and as I walk into my home, I remind myself that although my eyes deceive me, Cain is still just flashing lights and mechanical parts, assembled by people in a lap, within a tube of liquid and cold machines.

"There you are!"

Dezbe runs at me as I enter the kitchen, holding a greenish cloth to her face. I look at her, curiously.

"What happened?"

I ask, gently pulling her hand from her face. There is a large bruise on her cheek, the cloth soaked with Dizzy's trademark 'radiation attack'. Or so she calls it. Dizzy's radiation is far more potent than the radiation leftover from the missile, and we have started using Dizzy as a Brahmin. Those are her own words, not my own.

"_Cain._"

She hisses at me and anger flashes in her eyes. I sigh, trying to remain calm so I do not cause further problems until we are away from Megaton.

"Why did he hit you?"

Mostly, Cain's actions are directed towards men. For him to attack a woman, shows that he is beginning to lose control completely over himself. This must be stopped tonight, if not sooner. I cannot allow him in my home, around my family, if he is going to harm them. My wife, especially.

"I don't know, that motherfucker has lost it. He's completely lost it, Charon! He's lost it and I told your daughter I want him out. Out! I want him out of my goddamned house or so help me I will kill him myself!"

"And what did Dizzy say?"

Dez sighs, dropping the cloth on the table. She shakes her head, tucking her hair behind her ear, and allowing the freckles on her cheeks to shine in the sunlight coming in from the cracks in the metal. For a moment, is softens my anger.

"Surprisingly, she understood. She was pissed Cain took a swing at me. She got between us before I could really hurt him, and sent him upstairs. Dizzy…took it well. Told me she understood, and that she would try to see if there wasn't a way around this by going to read his files left in Rivet City. Who knew my own daughter could be so rational?"

I shrug, since Dezbe gives more credit to her own genetics than my own. It is, after all, my own genes that allow Dizzy to be rational and understanding, and she gets her temperamental outbursts from her mother. But Dezbe will never admit that, and for fear of picking a pointless fight, I keep my mouth shut.

As I cross my arms in front of me, I notice Dezbe's ring glowing brightly in the sun. It shines even in the night, but in the sunlight it is nearly overpowering. I keep the remaining shards of the alien gem in my pocket, wanting to give them to Dr. Barrows to examine. It is nothing I have ever come across before, and now that there is time, I feel the need to investigate the origins of it.

"You're really calm about all of this."

Dez's tone of voice is dangerous, and one octave away from creating a war within my already hostile home. I am only calm on the outside, and assure her of such.

"There will be things done about Cain. I cannot act upon them until we are away from Megaton. Keep your head about you, and let us go get them."

Dezbe gives me a confused look, but does not argue. She trusts and knows me well enough to have faith in my unspoken plan. Prying my eyes from her, I make it a point to go first up the stairs. I hold in my anger towards Cain, for striking my wife. All in due time, he will pay. For now, I must control myself and my emotions. I must remain stoic, and calm, as to hide from him any inclination that something is up. Though I doubt in his current state, he is able to read my emotions as well as he is used to.

"Dizzy. Cain."

I call from outside their bedroom door. Though I know nothing sexual is happening, I respect my daughter's privacy. She is, after all, a budding adult. Dizzy opens the door, nervous at first, but sees the look in my eye. She opens it wider, as if she was expecting me. I conclude that after Cain struck her mother, I would eventually have to be dealt with.

"We are going for a trip into the Wasteland."

I announce to them, Cain standing quietly by the window. He turns to me, his eyebrows narrowing, his expression glowing with rage and anger. But he does not move, other than to shake his head.

"Dizzy and I are staying here."

He claims keeping Dizzy inside is to keep her safe. Safe from the dangers of the Wasteland, I presume. In doing this, he is hindering her freedom, and keeping her prisoner. Knowing Dizzy, this cannot go on forever, and she will sneak off eventually. If she does, it will put everyone in Megaton in danger. Behind me, I feel Dezbe's warm fingertips, and her adrenaline. She senses something is up, and she would not be wrong, but I do not acknowledge her.

"No. You are coming with us."

Cain turns to face me, and defiantly walks towards me.

"You are _not_ going to take her from this house. I don't care who you think you are."

"That's it!"

I grab him by the shoulder of his duster jacket, and drag him down the stairs. Dizzy and Dezbe follow behind, with Dizzy asking her mother what is going on. Dezbe tells her not to worry, and that I will soon fix all the issues. Though I have not disclosed my plan to Dezbe, she trusts in my judgment. She knows that I will handle this accordingly.

Cain resists every step of the way, but I hold fast to him. When he slips from his jacket, I grab him by the arm and drag him further from Megaton. This is not a fight to be had around innocent civilians. When we are far enough away, I release him. The anger in his eyes shines brighter than a full moon at the peak of night. Dizzy and Dezbe watch, afraid to make a move as the sun rises higher in the sky, clouds blocking the light temporarily and leaving a dark shadow overcasting the Capital Wasteland.

"What's the meaning of this! Charon!"

He yells like a child who has had his favorite toy taken from him. Removing my gun from my back, I outstretch it to Dezbe, who cautiously takes it from me.

"You have crossed the line, Cain. In my absence, you have changed. You have put my daughter into isolation, and my wife at risk of violent outbursts. I cannot allow you to further endanger my family, or the citizens of Megaton. It ends now."

"How do you intend to fix it, mighty and brave Charon?"

Mocking me does not anger me. I can tell it is his old self fighting with his programming. Trying desperately to break through, and be the man we all trusted and respected not long ago. I give him the benefit of the doubt, and hope for his sake, and my daughter's, this works.

"Fight me. You are programmed never to fail. I am trained to never lose. War is not happening anytime soon here in the Wasteland, but I can give you a taste of what it is like, to fight someone and have it feel as if your world is ending."

"You're cocky, old man."

"And you are inexperienced."

"Why'd you drop your weapon? Going to bring fists to a gun fight?"

"This is an unarmed battle. You are programmed to respect the laws of battle. Disarm yourself."

He struggles. He wishes to keep his gun, because the sensible Cain we all once knew knows this is a losing battle. But the programming forces him to listen. Forces him to toss his gun to the ground, as he inhales and exhales deeply. Adrenaline rushes through him, overdosing his body on a chemical that he was designed to get happy feelings from.

"Alright old man. Let's start."

Cain rushes at me, using his entire weight against my own. I do not dodge his attack, but instead allow him to hit me with his body. He does not move me, but instead the force of his body against mine causes him to lose balance just enough for me to get him to the ground. The cracking of his knee connecting with my boot rings in my ears. Quickly, the boy brings an elbow to my neck, but he is slow. He is inexperienced, and fighting a losing battle. I am faster, stronger, and well-trained. I am matched against someone of my own statistics, but not someone as trained as I. Not someone as skilled in hand-to-hand, and not someone who has anything to lose.

That is the difference between us, I realize as we fight. Cain moves like a boulder. Forceful and strong, whereas I remain fluid and light on my feet, despite my heavy weight. He wishes to win with brute strength, no matter the cost, and I wish to win with logic and thought, with everything to lose. Cain does not fear death. At one time in my life, neither did I. It was what separated me from all the other mercenaries. I did not care if my life was compromised in a fight, war, or hit. For I was created for it, and if there was no more violence, there would be no more use for me. But one cannot live their life, fearless of death. Because part of being human, is knowing what the price of a life is. I cannot go into a fight, headstrong and aggressive. Not anymore. Now, if I do that, my chances of dying are increased. And in my trail of anger and aggression, I leave a wife and daughter to fend for themselves. Compassion. Empathy. Sympathy. Love. Emotions robbed of us in the facility, are the very emotions that now keep me alive. That now drive me to stay alive, despite bullets and bombs. They are the very emotions being blocked by Cain's programming. I know this, because before I met Dezbe, I was exactly like him. All I wanted, was a fight, and to serve my contract. It is that wisdom, Cain lacks. And that, ultimately, will be his downfall.

"You learned nothing from your training."

I tell Cain as he misses landing a punch on my face. Retaliating with knocking him to his feet, I keep my arms away, and press him to the ground with my boot. It digs his chest into the ground, but his arms and legs cannot reach me. I am stronger, and driven by more than just a desire to win. Blood drips from his mouth and nose, while I remain slightly bruised and sore.

"You're old, old man! You're going to tire yourself out!"

He chokes, spitting blood up at me. I take my other foot, and press it down firmly on his knee. It cracks and splinters beneath my weight. Cain cries out in pain, his eyes closed tightly.

"And you are young, and will lose at my hand. Give up now, Cain. Fight the program that tells you to continue on."

Opening his eyes, he struggles to grab at my leg. But I kick him hard in the jaw. Dizzy screams in the distance, and I see her try to run towards us. Her mother grabs her, holding her back from making a crucial mistake.

"…Never…I will…_never_…stop fighting!"

"And that is what will end you."

Cain is not going to give up. He is simply not strong enough to fight his programming. But he manages to use his good leg to push his body into the dirt, causing me to lose balance on him long enough for him to get up. On one leg he stands, his face swollen, glaring at me.

"I am not programmed to lose, Charon."

He puts his arms up, ready for another fight. I keep mine loose, at my sides, ready. He lunges at me once more, grabbing hold of my throat. But I knock his elbow with half strength, hearing the bones snap. Cain cries out again, as I swiftly knee him in the stomach, and elbow him in the back of the neck. Once again, he is on the ground, with only two good limbs. I watch as he tries to stand, but fails. Walking over to him, he rolls onto his back, and stares up at me, unsure of what to do next. Beside him, his assault rifle. We look to it, and he looks back at me. I act faster, and grab it before he can manage to get his fingers on it. Pointing it at him, I click off the safety, and place my finger on the trigger.

"Stop this now, or I will squeeze."

I tell him, looking into his eyes. I see Cain, the one I raised. The one Dezbe carried out of the facility, the one that my daughter looks to for protection and safety when I am not present. But that Cain is blinded, and hidden by a Cain, that is overrun with violent programming, and a thirst for blood and war.

"It's not in my programming to lose. I would rather die, than forfeit."

"You would give up your home, your family, and the one you are to protect, for war?"

He clenches his swollen jaw, definitely staring up at me. He says nothing, and I sigh heavily. I did not want it to come to this, but he has left me no choice. I wish not to harm my daughter, I do not want to take the only man she loves from her, but I cannot allow him to live. He is a liability. He will bring harm to those I love.

"Then you have made your choice."

"No! Daddy!"

My finger falls from the trigger as Dizzy throws her body atop Cain's broken one. Tears stream down her face, as she buries her face in his bloodied shirt. I watch her quiver and shake, not moving the barrel of the gun from Cain's face.

"Dizzy, move. This has to be done."

"No! No it doesn't! It doesn't!"

"Dizzy, he is a liability. He will bring harm to everyone in Megaton."

She looks up at me, her face wet with tears, her skin glowing as the radiation begins to emit from her.

"I don't care! We'll go far away from here! Where there won't be anyone to put in danger. I don't care, you can't kill him! You can't! I love him."

"I know you do. But I cannot take that risk, or allow you to, either. Remove yourself, before the radiation heals him."

"Then you're going to have to kill me, too! I won't move! I won't…let you kill him when all he needs his help. We just have to get to Rivet City. We don't…we don't have to kill him, dad. You can just let us go. Let him go. Please."

She begs, and pleads for the life of the man she loves. But I stand my ground, and shake my head.

"Move, Dizzy. If he has not been fixed now, there is nothing to do for him."

"There's _always_ a way. You taught me that, remember? You and mom. You both found a way. Mom found a way to get you to come around, so why can't I do the same? Why can't I fix Cain?"

"I am not an android."

"What's the difference, dad? What's the difference between a machine and a man if _neither one can feel_?"

I blink slowly, and lower my weapon. Her argument rings of truth, and wisdom beyond her years. She quivers and shakes, her body still over Cain's. Dizzy is right. There is no difference, between man and machine, if neither can feel. And I find that I am not being a man, in my choice to execute Cain. There is always, another way.

"Please, dad. Just let me try. Let me try to help him."

I look to Cain, and notice his eyes closed. Not because he is expecting death, but because he is out. Passed out from the pain, and the exhaustion. Tossing his weapon to the ground, I stare at my daughter as she sobs. The air around me becomes still, and stiff. The wind does not blow, and a cloud blocks the light of the sun. Silence, aside from Dizzy's quiet sobs invade my ears. In my chest, I feel my heart beating, my veins pulsing. Beneath my feet, the dirt and sand crunches. Dizzy looks up at me, and I offer her my hand. She stares, nervous, still holding on to Cain.

"I was wrong. There is always another way. Now dry your eyes, and let us go home."

Dizzy takes my hand, leaping up to hug me. Her hug warms me more than the radiation seeping from her body. The radiation heals me, however. But I hold my sobbing daughter in my arms, assuring her that one day, all will be well, and the problems we face now, are simply small moments that within the travels of life, we will very soon forget.

"You've learned a lot, Charon."

Dezbe says as she walks over, watching Dizzy cling to me as if her own life depended on it.

"Have I?"

Dezbe nods, lighting a cigarette while staring at Cain, who breathes slowly in and out in his unconscious state.

"You've learned that courage isn't really always fighting or killing, but knowing when to spare a life, too."

Dezbe is right in that. I could have risked all of Megaton, by letting Cain live right now. But I did not let him live, because of my own mercy. I let him live, because I want my daughter to have a chance at a life, with someone she loves. Because it meant something not to me, but for someone more important than my own visions. I am courageous, in the sense where I stood down my own internal self, and allowed sympathy and empathy take control.

"Come. We have to get him into town."

I say, prying myself from Dizzy as she calms herself down. Dezbe helps me lift Cain, though her help is not needed, nor noticed.

"Will he be alright?"

She asks me, curious and concerned for her daughter's emotional well-being.

"I do not know. Time will tell. But if he is not, Dizzy must take him to Rivet City."

I glance back at my daughter, who smokes a cigarette and keeps her eyes to the landscape.

"If there is no other ways, Dizzy, you know what must be done."

She looks over at me, and smiles softly.

"At least I have the chance to find other ways. That's what matters to me most right now."

In her own way, she understands why I did what I did. There is no need to explain. Someone as smart as Dezbe, has by now put all the pieces of the puzzle together, and is hoping that it worked. Just as I am, as we walk back to Megaton. For now, the citizens who may have seen the fight will assume nothing more than a family spat. If Cain does have to be killed, I will explain it to them in the best way I see fit. There should be no secrets, since secrets bear rumors. In this moment, I am content, with my family safe, and my town secure.


	44. How Bevolent

(Cain)

I can't remember the last time I actually had a dream. My nights are filled with the whirring of my mind, and the blackness of my bedroom. Sometimes, I don't even know if my eyes are open or closed. I guess it doesn't matter much these days. I don't feel like I've been seeing through my own eyes these days. It doesn't make any sense, to someone who doesn't know. But I have no control over myself. I watch myself in third-person, say and do things I wouldn't ever do. Things that even I find extreme and terrifying. I don't know if anyone else knows what it's like, to have no control of your own body. To be forced by something unknown to carry out and execute things that you'd otherwise never think of. It hurts, every day, to wake up. I don't want to do what I do, but it's like someone is dragging me through it. Someone has my wrists and ankles wrapped tightly in their hands, and they're directing every move I make, narrating my life for me as if I were nothing but a puppet.

I hit Dezbe. I remember when it happened I instantly regretted it. But there was nothing I could do. Try as I might to prevent it, or apologize after it, I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I was filled with sadness, as I realized the extent my programming had over me. I couldn't stop Dezbe from being angry, I couldn't prevent Dizzy from crying. All I could do, was sit in my mind, and watch it happen. Letting Dizzy out of the house was beyond question, since my programming told me I had to protect her. I had to protect her from everything, even if it was herself. I kept her as a prisoner, just as my own mind was keeping me as one, too.

But tonight, I feel different. I feel my body for the first time. Pain, shoots through me, as the programming quiets down. It's my own body I feel, control, utter control. Something, that I've felt I've lost forever. My fingers twitch, and it's only me making them twitch. Not some unknown puppet master. Not an unknown force, keeping me held inside my own mind, inside a body that is myself in only looks. It's me, opening my eyes, and seeing the thin streaks of moonlight coming in from the cracks on the walls.

For a minute, I don't know where I am. I want to panic, but keep my mind calm and quiet. I realize, that I'm in my own home. That I'm lying on the hardened floor of our living room, staring up at the pock-marked ceiling. I can see this, with my own eyes. Not looking through windows, as I've felt for so many days. Blinking, I try to readjust to having control. Moving my own limbs when I want them to move. The constraints of my programming, is finally lost to me, as I sit up and groan from sore pain.

"Cain."

My name is called, and I look towards the source. I don't feel anger, or hostility at hearing a male voice in my home. Instead I feel comfort, and safety. I see Charon, standing in the doorway, his gun laying behind him on the table, not out of arm's reach.

"…What…happened?"

My voice feels new to me. As if I haven't spoken on my own in years. Charon doesn't move, or make any motion to help me up as he stands, shadowed by the dark.

"Are you alright?"

I try to remember what happened. Try to remember where I was after I hit Dezbe. Recalling it is impossible, and I soon discover most of the events this past week or two are. Where have I been? What's been going on?

"I don't know…I don't know…what happened."

Sitting up is hard, since I seem to have forgotten my basic motor skills. Charon nods his head at me, but not in an approving way. More in an understanding way. Have I done something terrible? Where's Dizzy? Did I harm her?

"Your programming took over. You should be alright now."

There's a stale tone to his voice. He doesn't say anything more, as I struggle to stand. My clothes are caked in blood, and I'm fearful to ask what it is I've done.

"Is…everyone alright?"

"Yes. Dizzy is asleep upstairs. You have had quite a long day."

It hits me. The memories of today, I mean. Charon. I clutch my head as they flood my mind, my brain hurting and pulsing in my skull. I want something to stop it, but I know nothing will. I know it's a lost cause, and asking him for help will be too much. So I wait. I wait, and let it pass. The pain, slowing dissipating in the back of my mind, just as my programming had.

"Charon…I…"

I try to apologize, but he cuts me off.

"It does not matter now. But if it happens again, I will not hesitate to kill you. You need to control yourself. Understand, that you are, who you choose to be."

Before I can ask anything more, he disappears upstairs. How long had he been standing there, waiting for me to wake up? Although I've been unconscious all day, my body aches and pains with exhaustion and dehydration. My programming to fight had been triggered by the battle with Caesar's Legion. Since then, I've slowly been losing myself to thoughts and actions that weren't my own. I hurt Zack. I remember hurting him. My best friend, the last person I'd ever want harm. And I did it. I hurt him. Shit.

It almost seems impossible, as I sit in the middle of the living room floor, to fathom that my programming took such control over me. Is this how Charon felt with his contract? My mind goes faster than my thoughts can process. Memories come together like one giant puzzle. A puzzle that has no edges, and seven extra pieces, and is all one solid color. The only thing breaking the flow of white, is Dizzy. It's all Dizzy. Just her. She was the main reason for everything my programming did. But I don't remember it in such a bad way. I know, what I did was wrong, and terrible, but …I can see a different side of it, too.

Emotions weren't part of my integral programming. And because I have them, they've found a way to, or rather my programming has found a way to adapt to them. And they wrapped Dizzy in all these passionate and engulfing emotions that had yet to be fully evoked in me. I remember being unable to express them. Being trapped inside my own mind screaming with myself to just please, please let me tell her how I was feeling. But I couldn't. Instead, my programming told my body that the only way to save her, to forever ensure her existence, was to keep her as closed off as possible. Away from everyone in the Capital Wasteland. Even from her parents, because they too could one day snap and hurt her. I don't know where the logic came from, I don't know why it acted that way, but it did. And it caused a mess, that I'm not sure I can clean up. Will Charon ever forgive my actions? Will Dezbe? What about Zack? Most importantly, what about Dizzy? Will she ever forgive what I've done?

"…Cain?"

I look to my right, to see Dizzy standing where Charon stood just moments ago. She stares at me, her eyes of fright and curiosity. She's hesitant to come closer, and keeps her arms close to her chest. I made her this way. I made her scared of me.

Standing up, I realize she flinches. Did I hit her? No, no I didn't. But she's scared to get near me. Scared to give me any energy to keep her prisoner again. The moonlight streams across her body, making her blend in with the shadows across her face. If it wasn't for the light glow of her skin, she'd be almost indistinguishable from the kitchen furniture. Reaching towards her, I try to show her that I'm not who I've been lately. That I'm my old self, and not anyone to be afraid of.

"Dizzy, it's alright. It's me, Diz. It's me."

Shaking her head, her skin begins to brighten. She's about to emit a serious blast of radiation. Dizzy's radiation is both extremely helpful to us, and also extremely dangerous. Since it's so potent, too much at once could cause severe burns, or even death on those who don't have a slight tolerance. I'm fully aware that enough of it could possibly kill me, since my tolerance is nothing compared to hers.

"Calm down, Dizzy. Calm down, it's me. It's me. I'm not who I was. Okay? Listen, Dizzy, whatever you do, do not get any more riled up."

"Or what?"

She yells, her body glowing bright and illuminating the kitchen. One more outburst, and I could be in some real trouble here.

"Or you could really, really hurt me. Dizzy, please, listen."

"No! You listen! You kept me in here! You changed! You went all berserk and android and shit! Do you know how fucking terrifying that was? You hit my mom! You tried to kill my dad!"

I take a step back. Her anger is completely justified and I'm perfectly willing to deal with that, but she needs to calm down. She's never been this emotional, and I have no idea what to expect. I mean, she has been this emotional, but not with her freakish radiation abilities.

"I know! I know. Look, Dizzy, you have every right to be angry at me. I understand, but you need to _calm down_ or things are going to really fuck up, okay?"

"They're already fucked up! My dad almost had to kill you! He almost had to kill you!"

Why didn't Charon kill me? He seemed to have every right to, and it's not like he's incapable of killing me. He certainly can. So…if I was such a danger, why did he let me live?

"Why didn't he?"

I ask her, calm. She blinks at me, green tears streaking down her face. Dizzy tries to hide them, wiping them off as fast as they fall down.

"Because of _me_!"

The radiation hits me like an invisible force. Only, I can see this force. It's a glowing green ring, and it comes out all around Dizzy's body, shaking the whole house. I'm surprised it didn't knock the damn house down, because it pushed me off my feet. At first, it doesn't hurt, but as it dissipates on my clothes, they begin to melt where the ring hit, and my pants become shorts while my shirt gets cut horizontally. Quickly, I look up at Dizzy, as she blinks, quiet. She has a strange mixture of fear and uncontrollable joy on her face.

"…That was cool."

She says, before falling to the kitchen floor, exhausted. If I remember correctly, she can handle what she did to Caesar now just fine, without being incredibly tired, but anything stronger still tires her out. Getting up, I go and kneel beside her. Because of her, Charon didn't kill me? It doesn't make sense, but right now, it isn't important. I'm more worried about Dizzy.

"Are you alright?"

I stare at her, as she looks at me, a smile on her face.

"That was so totally awesome. Did you see that? It was so…amazing…"

It takes all the strength I have after being knocked down to not crack a smile and laugh. But I'm able to hold it back, and just nod my head at her. She looks at me, no longer scared. Though she's matured, the old Dizzy is always inside her, waiting to come out at any given moment.

"Yeah, I saw."

I tell her, helping her sit up. She slouches over, her hands between her legs as she sits spread-eagle with her feet leaning to their respective sides. Her back is against the kitchen cabinet, and her face is flushed with red, green, and silver moonlight.

"You owe me your life."

Dizzy tells me, as I sit across from her, matching her small feet with my large ones.

"You're gonna have to explain that. My memory of these past few weeks is more than a bit foggy…"

I have to hold her up against the cabinet, because she's too exhausted to keep herself up. I really want to suggest going to bed, but I don't think she wants to hear me ordering her around for a long, long time.

"My dad was going to kill you. I…begged him not to."

"Dizzy…"

"It was nothing. I mean, if my dad went insane and threatened my life, I'm sure you'd do the same."

I would, but that's suicide. He would just kill me to get me out of the way.

"Yeah. Look, I don't want to get into a lot of detail right now. My head is pounding, and…I'm really sorry. Dizzy, I don't know what happened, really. I just snapped and couldn't control myself. It doesn't excuse what I did but…"

"You fucked up."

This time I can't help but smile, as she stares at me, half-asleep, with her head just barely holding up.

"Yeah. I fucked up."

She giggles sleepily at me, and I sigh, leaning back on the table leg. It doesn't seem like she's going to hold a grudge, but that doesn't mean I still won't do my best to make up for it. I mean, tomorrow I have a lot of apologies to hand out, and a lot of explaining to do to Zack. It wasn't his fault, at all. Everything that's happened is my fault. I'll be lucky if just one of them forgives me. Aside from Dizzy. She seems quite happy as she stares at her glow-in-the-dark skin.

"It's going to be hard to stay hidden at night with that skin of yours."

I comment, and she smiles at me, waving her hand at me.

"But at least I'll be easy to find, you know?"

Good point there. I shrug and figure there's more benefits than there are losses with Dizzy's radiation. She's able to heal amazingly fast, and can even attack people with it. So to speak. I'm using the word 'attack' very broadly here.

"That's true. Are you feeling alright?"

She sighs, and lights a cigarette. I don't understand why, but after Dizzy uses radiation, it's a lot faster for her to recover if she smokes. I assume it has something to do with the chemicals inside the cigarette itself, but I'm no doctor.

"No. I'm still really upset with you. And I don't know if I fully trust you yet."

Dizzy and everyone else I've pissed off has every right to be mad and not fully trust me. It's just, I don't really give a shit about everyone else. I mean I do, believe me I love my family and friends, it's just, I love Dizzy more. A lot more. And if I could get her forgiveness and trust back it'd be great, even if I never got anyone else's. I do have to be cautious around Charon though. He showed me mercy, but I have a feeling it was a one-time deal. I don't blame him. I hit his wife and held his daughter like a prisoner. I endangered Megaton, and brought a lot of unnecessary pain to Zack. What I've done can't really be forgiven in my first night of sobriety from myself. It's going to take a lot of time, and a lot of effort. But, like I said, as long as Dizzy is alright with me, I'll be okay.

"I understand. It's alright, Dizzy."

She looks at me, sighing.

"No, really, it's going to take a while. I need to know for sure you're not going to snap again. And until I know, I want to stay here. Because…"

"Your dad will take care of it. I know."

"You know, though, you were really cocky to him. You really believed you could beat him."

That should be sufficient evidence in and of itself that I wasn't myself. I could never win against Charon in anything. Despite our similarities, he's far more trained and experienced with everything, than I am. He has my utmost respect for that, too. I just can't believe I had the gall to call him an old man.

"Yeah. I kind of remember that mistake."

"It was a mistake. Dad was really going to blow your brains off. With your own gun, too!"

Shit. I can't remember that part, because…I don't know. I suppose I was knocked out. I don't want to ask Dizzy, though, and be forced to hear about how I got my ass handed to me. Although from a scientific standpoint, it's quite impressive. I'm programmed to continue to fight until there's literally nothing left of me. And if memory serves me right, Charon was able to eliminate me without a problem, relatively quickly. It's not in that programming for me to lose so quickly. I never really doubted Charon's skills before, but him showing me really opens up a lot of respect. He did exactly what nobody else really could. Not that I know of anyways. I know I'm programmed to win, and win at all costs, but when fighting Charon…I lost, and lost miserably. I wonder if the scientists who created me would find this good or bad? I can't tell, and really I don't want to. My programming isn't me. It isn't. It's just some unwanted extension. A tumor. A disease I need to rid myself of. But in order for me to find out more about myself, I have to travel to Rivet City. Dizzy won't leave until she trusts me. I don't know how long that will be. Until then, I have to be patient, and keep myself in check. I cannot allow this to happen again.

"I wouldn't doubt that. Diz, come on, let's get to bed. We've both had really long days and…"

"And you want to sleep and talk about it tomorrow?"

"I kind of have to apologize to a lot of people tomorrow. How's tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, better to take care of that first. Alright, mind helping me up?"

I'm relieved that Dizzy is still maturing. The old Dizzy would have thrown a fit and demanded she comes first. Which she does, don't get me wrong, but I feel like if I put off talking to people much longer there's going to be a lot of questions as to what's been going on and I don't want to have to explain the story to anyone. I want to keep it as contained as possible, because if it gets out, there very well could be a riot against me. Maybe not a riot, but the people of Megaton would rightfully not feel safe with me here.

As I help Dizzy up the stairs, I realize just how much of a danger I am. If I can lose myself that easily, then I could put everyone here in danger. I could potentially hurt Dizzy. Not physically, but cause her to rethink everything, and in turn end my own life. Because if she's not with me, I don't live. I understand more clearly, now, why Charon wanted to kill me. It wasn't because he held ill feelings towards me, but because I caused harm to those he has to protect. It's his duty above all else, to protect his wife and daughter. I put them in danger, as well as Megaton. If I were in Charon's shoes, I wouldn't have been as merciful. But I know Dizzy played a pivotal role in my survival. I owe her my life right now.

Dizzy falls asleep as soon as she hits the bed. The cigarette didn't help her much, and the radiation really took a lot out of her. I lie awake, staring up at the ceiling and seeing the sky through the small holes above me. I don't have any anger towards Charon. I can't. He was doing what was right, and logical to not only him, but everyone around him. If anything, Dizzy was the illogical one. She was the one risking her life to save mine. What if she got in the way of Charon's gun? I know she can heal quickly, but a bullet to the head is surefire death to any one of us. It's instant, and there's hardly any healing from that. Which I can't say is one-hundred percent, since Dezbe survived a shot to the head, and Charon as well, but those are extremely lucky circumstances. Not everyone would be so lucky, and even though Dizzy has her radiation, it wouldn't be enough.

My actions caused a lot of people a lot of pain and suffering. There's no clear way for me to make up for it all, either. All I really can do is show them that I won't regress into my programming any more. Work hard around town, be proactive, and just do my best to earn their trust back. But do I really know if I won't regress? Am I sure that it won't happen again? Not at all. Which is why I need to get to Rivet City. I need to find a way to prevent this from ever happening again, or at least control it. There's a time and place for that to kick in, and it certainly isn't at home, when everything is just starting to quiet down again after the missile. It's on the battlefield, fighting Super Mutants and Raiders. Not helping farm, or hoping for the grass to come back with the crops. It's going to take a lot, but I have to trust myself first and foremost. If I'm weak, I know it'll happen again. And I know for sure, that Charon will kill me. He won't take Dizzy's tears for an excuse, and I'm okay with it. If I can't control myself, then the entirety of Megaton shouldn't have to pay the price. Only me.


	45. Have Mercy

(Jasper)

The sunlight comes in, streaming over my face, telling me to wake up. It's warm this morning, and not as chilly as it has been lately. Yawning, I open my eyes to see Zack just waking up, too. Waking up like this, safe in this bed with him, every day, has been one of the best things in my life. Since most of Megaton is complete, there's nothing for me to do. Nobody needs, or wants my help, so I mostly just hang around town, or around the house, finding new things to interest me, and looking for a hobby to pick up.

"Morning."

Zack says, sitting up and stretching. Unlike me, once Zack is awake, he's out the door. I'm more of a 'stay in bed till you're ready to get up' kind of person. Our bed isn't that comfortable yet, since Roy's men have yet to get back from scavenging for new supplies. Sometimes Zack mentions us going out there, and getting our own bed. Says that it'll really show we can hack it out here. I'm not sure who he's trying to prove things to, but it isn't me. I have upmost confidence in myself, and him, to make it in Megaton on our own. And I've had more than enough adventure for one life. Instead, I'd rather laze around, passing the days as slowly as I can, and enjoying this silence. There isn't silence like this in New Vegas, just like there isn't actual night. The lights are too bright, after all.

"Morning."

I say to him as he gets up and starts to get dressed. We share a small room on the second floor of Gob's house. Gob's room is right down the hall, but he's never in there. Most of his nights are spent in his study, either working on ways to improve Megaton, or…well, crying. Zack and I hear him at night, but out of courtesy we don't ask why. Though it's no secret, why Gob cries and drinks at night. Most nights, anyways. He cries Nova's name at night, and asks himself why he couldn't have died in her place. Zack says that's his mother, and told me again how his mother died protecting him. Gob has survivor's guilt, that's not hard to see. I don't know why he's dealing with it now, though, when it's been so many years. Zack doesn't know why, either, but thinks it's because Gob's been trying to be strong for him, and everyone else. When I hear him cry, after Zack's fast asleep, sometimes I go and sit on the steps. I sit there, and wonder how I can help him. It breaks my heart, to hear Gob cry like that.

I know, though, that there isn't anything I could possibly do. Although Gob isn't as cold to me as he was before, I'm sure I'm the last person in the world he wants comfort from. And even if he did want me to comfort him, I wouldn't know what to say. How do you comfort someone so sad? You can't tell them things will be alright, because it's been years since Nova's death. I can't tell him I know how he feels, because I sincerely don't. I just know that it must be terrible, and painful, to lose someone you've loved so much.

"What're your plans for today?"

I ask Zack as he puts his shirt on. Sometimes, he stays in bed with me in the morning, and we hold one another. We don't talk, or do anything. We just lie, and I sit and think about how lucky I am to have him. How fortunate I am to have him forgive me so willingly, and without question. You don't find that very often in life, Wasteland or not. Plus, he's handsome, and kind.

"I have to fix some pipes, and then…not sure. Maybe I'll see if the crops and grass are coming in yet, or check out what's going on around town."

He likes to make sure everyone's happy around here. Since him and his father are the handy men, Zack always makes it a point to make sure the town is up and running. That electricity gets to the people when it needs to, and there's running water.

"Sounds like fun."

I smile at him, and he leans down to give me a kiss.

"You going to stay in bed all day?"

"Maybe. I might walk around town and buy some lunch. I don't know."

"You're always inside."

"Not true. Sometimes I go out. I just like enjoying the days. There's nothing looming over me, nobody telling me what to do, and nobody I have to be scared of. It's nice."

Zack gives me a look that tells me I should still be scared of a certain someone, but he doesn't say anything. He just smiles, and nods his head.

"Well, I'll see you for lunch then."

With that, he's out the door, and I lie back down to relax, my head resting on an old pillow, made from scraps of clothes and dried grass. When there was grass. You'd be surprised at what survived that missile. A lot of things we didn't expect to stick together, did. By pure chance, of course. Putting my hands behind my head, I stare at the ceiling as rays of sun struggle to shine through them.

I took life for granted out here when I first arrived. I thought it was all work, and struggling. I had no idea that the luxury of just laying could come so easily. That peace did exist. I mean, I was working for Caesar when I got here. There wasn't any time to relax, because I was so worried about what Caesar would say, and if he'd make a surprise attack, or when he expected me to send word, or something so trivial and stupid. Now, it's completely different.

My wrist is almost healed. There's a bump where the bone broke, but nothing serious. Gob says since it was broken twice, I'm going to have to deal with it hurting from time to time, but I should be fine. As long as I'm careful, anyways. It'll be a lot easier to break this wrist again, or so I'm told. Once you break a bone once, it'll break a hell of a lot easier later on.

Gob's also gotten not-so-cold to me anymore. He wasn't exactly mean, since I don't think such a nice guy is capable of being mean, but he wasn't friendly, either. Not like he was when I first met him, anyways. But as the days pass, and they turn into weeks, he's actually started talking to me, instead of at me. At dinner, if we're all sitting together, he asks about my day. Sometimes about my parents, and sometimes about my life back in New Vegas. If it was anyone else asking, I'd be wry to tell them, but it's Gob, and he just wants to know out of curiosity. So I tell him, and he nods his head, or sometimes says things like 'Oh' and 'Yeah'. Other than that, he kind of just eats, and makes small talk with Zack. Gob's also lost a bit of weight, too.

Zack won't say it openly, but one night I pried him about it. He's really worried about his dad. Which is completely understandable. It's just…nobody knows what to do. Zack wanted to go and ask Charon and Dez for help or advice, but he's not sure he wants to burden them, or be anywhere near Cain. He's really worried about Cain, too. But he won't talk to me about it. It's not because he's not open with me, it's just because that's his personality. He closes himself off to deal with things on his own. He does know, that I'm here for him and does talk to me when he wants to, but mostly I let him alone. It's better than prying too much, because then he gets annoyed with me and I don't much like arguing with him.

Still. Despite Zack's worries, and Gob's state, and even what happened with Cain, I'm happy here. I'm happy, and I'm at peace with myself. It's been getting colder lately, but it's not too bad. There's food, and water, and shelter. I'm around people willing to try me out again, and I have to show them that I'm not a bad person. That I just made a simple mistake is all. Maybe it's not 'simple' but it's something that…I do honestly regret. Before, I couldn't see much further than myself. I'd never been in love, and only felt what it was like to be hurt, and to have someone controlling you. I never intended to fall in love, either. It just sort of happened. It was scary, at first. But as time went on, I realized that I enjoyed it. That I loved the rush whenever Zack touched me, or looked at me. That when he was near, I felt special, and special because to him I was simply Jasper, and nobody else. The feelings that I felt from him, for only being myself, are feelings that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Sometimes, when Zack's asleep, and the moon is shining in, I can hear music. It plays in the daytime, and Zack says it's from the taverns, or from towns over. I never knew how much sound could carry out here. But, when I hear the music at night, I sometimes stand in the window, listening to it. I move my hips to the notes, and dream of what the people must be singing about. I wonder, what they were feeling when they wrote the songs, and wonder if they knew their songs would carry on for so long, and make people feel such feelings so far into the future. It's my favorite time of night, when I'm alone, and can just listen to music in the moonlight. Zack said he'd try to get me a working radio, but I think he forgot. Which is fine, since I can hear the music from the taverns whenever I want to hear it.

Music, life, people…everything is so vastly different here than it is back home. Back home everyone is so worried and wrapped up in their own lives. But here…everyone cares about everyone. I mean, that's how it is in Megaton. Sure, you focus on your own life, but when you need help, there's so many people willing to help you. It's like they're just happy you're talking to them. Though Roy wasn't too friendly when I spoke to him, I watched how much he and his friends helped out Megaton. How they guarded the food, and how some went without sleep to make sure the town was built as fast as it could be. That kind of teamwork and sacrifice is really hard to find out in the Mojave. It's just a barren desert, with people only wanting themselves to survive. Here in Megaton, it's not like that at all.

A knocking on the door grabs my attention. I figure Gob must still be sleeping, because I hear the door open, and don't hear Gob talking. Getting up, even though I'm just in my underwear and a long shirt that was once Zack's, I head down the stairs to see who it could be.

"Hello?"

I call, but nobody responds. As I walk down, I see Charon in the doorway. It looks like he hasn't slept, and I give him a concerned look. Did something go wrong with Cain?

"Where's Gob?"

Shaking my head, I kind of cower at him. What happened between us…to me felt filled with wonderful lust and temptation, but I know it was wrong. Maybe that's why it felt so good, though. Since then, Charon's kept his distance, and made sure I can't get mad and go tell his wife. Though, from how he stands and looks at me, I think he might have told her. He never looked so angrily at me before, never looked like he was ready to snap. It could just be me, since I'm used to seeing him with his back to me, and kindness in his eyes. At least, towards me anyways.

"I don't know, he must still be sleeping."

Before Charon can reply, Gob opens the door to his study. Rubbing his head, I see his eyes are bloodshot. I instantly grab a bottle of irradiated water from the shelf to my right, and hand it to him.

"Thank you."

He says to me, and I nod. Looking at Charon, Gob gives him a look that asks what he needs.

"Have you seen Dezbe?"

Drinking, Gob shakes his head, while I move so they can talk without me so in the way.

"No…I just woke up. Why?"

Charon sighs, and rubs his head.

"She went for a walk last night, she couldn't sleep. She didn't come back."

Gob shrugs, tossing away the now empty water bottle.

"Maybe she's still on the walk? You know Dez, how she can be."

Charon growls a bit, like he's clearing his throat. I watch his hands as they open and close, a nervous habit he seems to have.

"No. She should have been back by now. I have been looking for her since dawn, she is nowhere around Megaton, and nobody has seen her. I thought maybe, you had."

"Like I said, I just woke up. If I do see her before you, I'll let her know you're all worried."

Charon nods and leaves as fast as he came. Gob looks at me, and somewhat smiles.

"Mornin' kid."

I like when he calls me that. Though he calls a lot of people that, when he says it to me, it's special. I see Gob as a father I never had. I really want him to see me in such a light, as I see him.

"Morning. Do you need breakfast or anything? I can cook something, if you'd like."

Gob's face softens at my offer, and he nods.

"Yeah, that'd be nice. I'll be in my study."

Knowing how to cook was something I picked up when I was younger, and Caesar kept me as a servant girl. In the small kitchen, I scan what we have, and figure something hot would do Gob some good on this morning. So I start to make Squirrel Stew. It's an easy recipe, and it's usually really irradiated. It's not hard, and Gob doesn't like his stew too thick, so I'm able to cook it in about a half an hour. The kitchen is really small, too. Not even really a kitchen. Just a cabinet and a hot plate for cooking. Most of us eat at the taverns, or just snack on already made food, so there was no need to build one. Families like Charon has need a kitchen, though, since there's a lot more people in the house.

Putting the stew in a bowl, I knock on Gob's study and wait for him to answer. I respect his privacy, and when he opens the door, he takes the bowl, smiling.

"Thanks kid, I appreciate it. You're really earning your keep around here."

"I'm trying to."

He tastes the stew, and nods in approval. Opening the door wider, Gob invites me inside. He sits at his desk and takes another spoonful. I've never been inside this room, since like I said, I respect his privacy.

"Come see what I'm working on."

Walking in, I look around. He has a lot of things he's working on. Parts to various pre-war things, schematics for different weapons, and books everywhere. Gob made it a point to have Roy bring him as many books as they could carry when they came from Tenpenny Tower. I've never been there, but it must be big, if it could hold so many books. I'm in awe, at the broken weapons, posters, books, and everything Gob has in here. I pretend not to notice the empty bottles of liquor, as Gob lets me gently touch everything, and wander with a child-like curiosity.

"Look."

He says, pointing to something in the corner. I didn't notice it before, but there it is. It's large, and wooden. About the size of Gob himself, and it has a long, thin neck. There's S shaped carvings in it on either side, and it's smooth as I gently run my fingers over it.

"It's beautiful, but what is it?"

Finishing his stew, Gob smiles proudly at it. Walking over, he gently lifts it, and brings it into the sun. As he holds it, I realize it's not as big as I thought, and see there's a long needle-like thing at the bottom.

"It's a cello. An old instrument, pre-war and much older."

"Can you play it?"

Gob shakes his head, admiring his work. Though I've never seen one before, I bet Gob's is one of the best made.

"No. Nobody can right now, there's no strings. I need much more wire than what I have in my supply. But, even if it did have strings, ain't no way I can play it. My wife, Nova, she loved these things. Loved the damn sounds they made. So I made it for her. Figure it might help, or somethin'."

Gob stares at his cello, and I wonder what kind of beautiful sound will emit from it once it's done. Truly, it's a work of art.

"I'm sure she would have been happy, you know."

He looks at me, and for a minute I think I did something wrong.

"Thanks, kid. Ain't every day I hear it."

"I didn't know Nova, but, from what Zack tells me, she loved you. And it's okay, too. It's okay to be sad. Just…be safe, okay?"

I really don't know how to comfort someone, and as I speak I realize how stupid I must sound. But Gob hears the sincerity in my voice, and smiles at me.

"You're sweet, when you want to be."

Nodding, I figure I should go, and leave before Gob can say anything. He said he needed wires to finish the cello though, right? Wires aren't that hard to find. They're just really thin pieces of metal. I'm sure if I tried, I could find some around town for him, since he doesn't leave the house much these days.

Going upstairs, I put on my clothes and tie my hair up behind my head. It's easier to go outside, when my hair isn't blowing every which way in the wind. Lucky for me, Gob's in his study as I rush out the door, and doesn't stop me to ask where I'm going. I feel kind of embarrassed by trying to comfort him. I mean, I'm still a stranger to him, and have really no say in anything. It must have been odd for him to receive words of slight hope from me. After all I did, I don't expect anyone to really be that kind to me anyways.

Walking down the ramps, I make sure to watch where I step. There's some weak spots that make the walkway shake a bit. Those have to be fixed, but like I said, Gob hasn't left his house for a while. Where to find wires? I guess I'm just going to have to walk around, asking random people if they have any. That shouldn't be too hard, right? Everyone here is friendly anyways, but still. There's always that fear of finding the one mean person in Megaton.


	46. Lily of Chastity

(Dizzy)

My mom's been gone for two weeks. After the first week, dad gave up looking for her. He'd spend days and nights, pacing around the perimeter of Megaton, and wouldn't sleep. Sometimes, Cain and I would help him, but we didn't find anything. Not a clue, or even a hint of where mom could be. Nobody saw her leave, since it was so late when she did, and nobody has seen her since. Not the traders who come in, and not Roy's scouts who were out in the city. Nobody. It's like she just up and left. Sometimes dad would sit on the perch above our house, and look for her through binoculars he had Gob make from old glass and some cans. But still, nothing.

When I told dad we should just give up, he surprisingly agreed. But, he wasn't happy about the situation. Nobody is. It's really depressing, to sit here and think your mom just left you. For no good reason, either. I mean, mom and dad aren't perfect, and dad said they were having issues. But for mom to just leave? To just up and go and leave everything behind? It isn't too out of character for her, but out of character enough to where I worry. Now we're into the beginning of the third week she's missing, and all last week, my father's been spending at the bar. He drinks himself silly, to where now nobody wants to talk to him. When they do go to him with a problem, he growls and says to solve it themselves.

I brought him home last night. Cain had to help me. It broke my heart, to see my father like that. He was piss drunk, and couldn't stand on his own. He just sobbed, as Cain helped me drag him home from the tavern. His gun hung loosely on his back, and his head faced downward, as if he had nothing more in life. My mom was his life, though. But dad just sobbed, and sobbed. As I put him to bed, I realized…that my dad was no longer the invincible hero I so believed him to be. That even he, too, could be brought to his knees. He's broken now, my father. Just some washed up mercenary who lost his wife. That's what the townsfolk whisper about him. They say he finally snapped, and can't handle his own life, or his liquor. But they don't say it when they know I'm near, or when he's in the bar. They talk amongst themselves, where nobody can hear. The only reason I do, is because sometimes I don't make my presence known, so I can listen in.

I get why they're mad, and scared. I'm mad, too. I'm mad because I want to go into the Capital Wasteland with Cain. Want to go to Rivet City, and explore in a way I was never able to before. But I can't. Because I feel like it's my responsibility now to stay, and take care of my father. Because without me, dad will really lose it. At least if I stay, he has some purpose, or feels he does. Even Gob looks at him with shame. I never thought I'd see the day where Gob was disappointed in my father, but it came. It came, and that too, made me stay up late, and cry.

Dad wakes up, walks around for a few hours. But you can tell he's just waiting to get to the bar. Waiting for it to open up, so he can go inside and start drinking. He almost drinks them dry, but liquor isn't a hard thing to restock. The barkeep is too scared to stop serving him, too. Dad stays at the bar, until Cain or I go get him. On the nights where I don't get him, I hear him stumble in as the sun rises. Sometimes he sleeps in his bed, but mostly just sleeps on the living room floor. My father, the once strong and brave mercenary whom everyone respected and feared…is now a useless drunkard on my living room floor.

"You okay?"

Cain asks while he, Zack, Jasper and I sit in Zack and Jasper's room. I never thought I'd get along with Jasper again, but…I realize that she's the only one who really helps. Just having her around, makes it a lot easier to deal with the crumbling of my family.

"Yeah. Just thinking about dad."

It's about the time that he'd be heading into the tavern. Everyone falls silent. We're just having a private lunch together, talking like friends talk. But it's there. Dad is the pink Molerat in the room. We're all just avoiding it, even though we all know something needs to be done.

"Have you decided if you're going to go out?"

Jasper asks me, drinking some water. Sighing I shrug, and light a cigarette.

"I don't know. If we do leave, there's no telling what dad'll do. I can't let Megaton have that. And I don't want to be responsible for it."

"You can't be responsible for Charon. He's a grown man, and what's his faults are his, not yours."

Zack's right, but I can't help it. He's my father, and he doesn't know life without my mom. By now, I'm convinced my mother left because this wasn't the life she wanted. I'm okay with that, I just wish she told me. I hope wherever she is out there, though, she's happy. Though I never thought she could live without my father, I suppose I was wrong. It makes me wonder what else I've been wrong about.

"Zack, he's my dad. Wouldn't you want to take care of your dad?"

"I would, but I wouldn't let it ruin me."

"Then you're a lot stronger than me."

"Your father isn't also a deadly killer, either. Charon knows how to kill a man sixty ways before he hits the ground. I'd say someone needs to watch him, lest he gets mad again."

Cain's really right on that one. I'm not strong enough to fight my dad, nor would I want to. But a couple nights ago, dad got into a fight at the bar. He was about to kill the guy when Cain and I walked in. It was Cain who fought him, and Cain who brought him down. My father, full of shame, admitted defeat and came home with us. I know, that if we were just a few minutes later, that man would have been dead. And nobody in this town can stop my dad if he gets angry and drunk enough. Only Cain. So we have to stay, for the safety of everyone else. I really hate, how my parents' stupid choices, are affecting my life.

"I'm with Zack on this one. I'm sure Charon would just calm down if you left."

Jasper tries to be helpful, but she just doesn't know my father like I do. Or like anyone does, really. She's still new to him being around here.

"Charon doesn't 'calm down'. He gets worse."

Cain speaks the truth, and I raise my beer to him as I look out the window. I can see my dad. He's walking into the bar. The small child inside of me wants to run to him. Wants to go and cry at him, and hit him with small fists, and yell at him. But the adult me just watches, knowing there's little to nothing I can do. My dad doesn't see how much he's hurting me, because I know it wouldn't cause any good. It'd only make the case worse.

"I want my mom to come home. I want her to make dad stop being stupid. If mom came in, and saw this, she'd really kick his ass."

"…I don't think she's coming back, though."

Jasper says, always the one to be honest.

"Me neither. But, I can hope. Even if hope does get old."

I say, sipping my beer. By now it feels hope is all but gone. I try not to be depressed, because then Cain will have to deal with this all on his own, and I can't let that happen. Sometimes, I look at my father while he's sleeping. I wonder if he remembers who he used to be. It's only been a week since this drinking started, but I see no end to it, and he does drink more than the average drunk. He drinks a lot. It hurts me, because I always, even when mom left, thought he was my world. Everything good came from daddy, and never anything bad. I was always his little girl, and felt that no matter what, he'd be there. I forget, he's human, too. That he can break, and that he has broken. I don't want to accept the man in that bar as my father. No. My father is out there somewhere, with my mother, on some wild adventure. The man in the bar is just some really good look-alike, and when my parents get back, dad's going to kick that impersonators ass. Then everything will go back to normal. Everyone will be happy. But…I know that's a useless pipe dream.

I fight back tears, and I think Zack and Jasper notice how my mood is. They quietly leave their own room, as to give me and Cain some privacy. Before, I was really against Jasper being here. Even when my mother left, I was still up against it. What made me change that…well I'm not proud of it. But, as my dad started drinking, I got sad. It was raining one night, and I had just got done trying to talk him into coming home. He didn't listen, and…my father hit me. He never hit me before, but when I said that mom wouldn't like seeing him be this way, he just backhanded me. I stood there, holding my cheek, with tears running down my face, and he just looked away. He didn't say anything, or try to apologize. He just took giant gulps of his beer, and stared at nothing in front of him.

I ran out of the bar, ashamed, embarrassed, and hurt. My cheek swelled up, but that wasn't what hurt most. It was the emotional toll, that killed me inside. I went beneath the ramps, at night, even with light, you can't see someone under there unless you're looking. I didn't want to go home to Cain. I didn't want to be near anyone. I just wanted to be alone. I hid, curled up in a ball, and cried. I tried to cry quietly, and for a bit, I did. I cried for my mom, and how worried I was for her. I cried for my father, and how he felt. I cried for myself, for not being strong enough to protect them. In a way, I blamed myself. Had I not been born, maybe mom and dad wouldn't have split. Maybe their lives would have been different. Maybe, they would have been happier.

I don't know how long it had been, since I sat in the mud, crying like some cheap runaway. But it mustn't have been long. I soon felt arms around me. At first, I panicked. I tried to fight this unknown person, tried to fight them and get them the hell off of me. When I felt long wet hair on my fingertips, I knew it was Jasper. Nobody in the Wasteland has hair that long, and doesn't tie it back. I knew it was her, and I stopped fighting. She held me tighter, humming softly. She told me, in this soft and motherly voice, that she knew how it felt to lose a family. That it was okay to cry, and she was here. That night, I cried in Jasper's arms till I was blue in the face. And that night, I silently forgave her, for destroying my town. Because I learned, there are worse mistakes, than following the wrong people. And Jasper still, has not brought up that night, nor spoke of it to anyone. It's a respect of privacy she has, that makes me realize, she's a far wiser person than me.

I have respect for Jasper now. I forgive her, and she has my protection. Though she can't have my father's due to his state, if my mother were here, she would have hers too. When I caught her a few days ago, getting hassled by some traveler passing through Megaton, I damn near shot his head off in her defense. Jasper isn't as rowdy as we are. She's not as keen to carry a gun, or as mean. And that's okay, because she's just not like us. She's one of us, but not like us. I see her as a little sister, though she's older. In return for her comfort, I give her my protection. In return for my protection, she offers me a safe place. And for that, I give her my friendship. And she gives me her friendship, too. I guess, sometimes, good really can come out of a shitty situation.

"You alright?"

Cain asks, as he hears Jasper and Zack close the door. I shake my head, still staring at the tavern. I want to blame them. I want to blame those who give my father the booze. I want to hurt that barkeep. But, I know it's not their fault. I know the only one to blame is my father, and the small bruise on my cheek reminds me of that every day.

"No. I want my family back."

"It's hard, I know."

Looking at Cain, I wonder if he does know. He's been able to detach himself from my parents as his own. He can take a step back, and not be as affected by this as me. So does he know? He sees it, and he's there with me, but does he truly understand the pain of losing it? Of losing your mum one week, and then your father the next? I'm not sure. I'm not angry at him for it, but I don't want to end up an orphan. I don't want to end up like my mother did. Without mother nor father there, and all on her own. I'm about the age she was, when she lost her dad. It scares me. Am I destined to repeat my mother's life? The life I don't want?

"Dizzy, you can't beat yourself up over it."

As I drink the rest of my beer, I wonder even, why my parents gave me my name. Is it because my mother too, has such an odd name? That they wanted me to have an even stranger one? Or does it really make them think of me? What meaning or purpose did they have to name me 'Dizzy'? Why not something normal, like 'Michelle' or 'Sarah' or even 'Brittney'. I'd take that any day, over 'Dizzy'. Over a feeling you get after you've spun around too many times. I realize I'm being angry at my name, to just have something to be angry at. But at least it's something, and not nothing.

"I know that, Cain. I do, it's just…I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to fix this."

"You can't fix it, Diz. It's not something fixable. You just have to accept it, and do your best to move on. You have to make yourself happy, no matter what."

He's right. He knows it, and I know it. But how? How do you just up and leave your home, while your father, your hero, sits in a bar and drinks himself half to death? Tears run freely down my face, as I see my father step outside the bar, and smoke. He looks up at the sky, a bottle of whiskey in his hand, and a cigarette to his lips. My heart hurts with each beat, at he brings the whiskey to his lips. That's my hero right there. That's my sun, my moon, my caregiver, my stars, my life. That's the man that raised me, and called me his baby. He would throw me in the air, and catch me without fail. He taught me how to talk, and walk, and shoot my own gun. He taught me that there's value in all life, and to always, always, always follow your heart. He taught me…that there's no shame in being different. And that when all hope is lost, there's still, undoubtedly, hope.

Yet there he stands. Washed up. Old. A retired killer, with so much blood on his hands that each time he takes a step, he leaves a bloody footprint. The mercenary, whom so many people fought for, died for, and created a clone for, stands in the sun, drinking like it's his last day on earth. For a woman. A woman he loved, and a woman that left. I guess the people who trained my dad, never taught him how to deal with heartbreak. But then again, nobody learns how to deal with it. It happens, and whatever you do with that pain, is entirely your choice. My father, just chose to drink. Though I can tell it doesn't make him feel better, or numb. He still cries. There's still tears in his eyes.

"No, but I want to. I can't leave him here. He's my dad."

"But he's not your responsibility."

"What'll happen if I leave? He'll…he'll just lose it! And then someone might actually kill him, and what if mom comes back? I'd…never know."

"That's no way to live your life and you know it."

I look at Cain, and then back at my father across town. Where is the man, who would main, torture and kill anyone who posed a threat to me? Where is he? Because I want him to kick his own ass right now.

"Just…give me two more weeks. I'll try to talk to dad more."

"Atom! There's no talking to him, Dizzy!"

Looking at Cain, I can see he's had it. He has had it and he races towards the door with me close behind him.

"Don't you do anything! Don't you do shit!"

I try to grab his coat, but he pries it from my hands.

"I'm not doing anything Charon wouldn't do."

Zack, Gob, and Jasper all watch us leave. Luckily, they don't follow. I draw attention from the townsfolk as I chase Cain, pleading with him to not hurt my father. As we near what my Gob says was where Moriarty's stood, Cain turns to me.

"Stop. This needs to end, and it has to end now."

"You're not going to change his mind, Cain. Just let me talk to him."

"You won't change his mind either, but it doesn't matter."

Cain turns back and walks up to my father. I stay back a few paces, fearful he'll smack me silly again. And because those two fight hard. My dad sees us, and looks at Cain. There's a bit of sobriety in his eyes, I can see it. It's hidden by the film of the whiskey, though. Without hesitation, Cain snatches the bottle from dad's hand. Dad looks at Cain like he's just done the worst thing in the world.

"Enough."

Cain says, trying to stare him down. My father snatches the bottle back, finishes it, and hands it back to him.

"Do you know what you're doing? Do you know how much this hurts your daughter?"

Cain points to me, and I tug on his arm.

"Cain, come on. Let's go."

"You would know what my daughter is up to, wouldn't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Cain…really…"

"You know _exactly_ what it means. I bring you from the facility. I give you a home, food, a place to sleep. And how do you repay me? By turning my daughter against me. By taking her from me. You…I regret the day I allowed Dezbe to carry you on her back…"

"You're the one who turned your daughter against you. You made sure of that when you smacked her across the face!"

My dad hits Cain. He hits him and sends him over the railing. Cain was a good five feet away from the railing, too. That's what scares me most. I'd never seen my father show such strength and anger. For a brief second, our eyes meet. He steps towards me, his arms reaching for me.

"Dizzy…please…"

It's almost like he wants to apologize. But as I look down, twenty or more feet below, at Cain sprawled out, I shake my head.

"You're not my dad!"

I yell, running down the ramps as fast as I can. I can't help the tears. I can't help the townspeople seeing this spectacle. I can't help looking up at my father, as I try to emit enough radiation to heal Cain. When I see my father, I swear for once, he's actually crying. But that's not him. That's not my moon, and that's not my stars. That's not the man who can't express how much he loves me, because it's too much. That's not my dad, whom I've had wrapped around my finger since I was born. I don't know who that man is, staring down at me, with tears in his eyes. I don't know who that man is, but I'm not his little girl.

And it kills me to say that. It utterly kills me inside, to say that. But that man up there, isn't the man I could pout to, and any trouble I'd gotten into was completely forgiven. He isn't the one I would say 'daddy love you more' to. Because my father wouldn't have hit me. My daddy wouldn't have turned to the bottle, human or not. He would have stood strong, and been there for me. For me, whom he always said was his little girl. He would have stood strong and proud. He wouldn't have hit Cain, but proudly gave him permission to take my hand. He would have understood. He wouldn't…he wouldn't have broken so much. That man…I don't know that man above me.

"Cain, are you alright?"

I ask, worried as I start to get tired from using the radiation. He looks at me, taking a deep breath in.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Atom, that was terrifying…"

I smirk at him, putting his hand in mine.

"Guess dad has a hit, huh?"

Can sits up, running his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah. That's nothing new. Come on, let's go."

Cain stands up and pulls me to my feet. As we walk away, I turn my head. I see my dad still staring at me, from over the railing. He looks like a lost man. A man who has just lost everything that mattered to him. My cheek throbs as a reminder of what he did, but I can't rely on that. I can't rely on my anger and pain, to set the course for the rest of my life. I have to be stronger than that. And I have to be stronger than my father, and my mother. I will not lead their lives. I will never be as devoted to a man, as my mother is to my father. Nor will I be as devoted to a woman, as my father is to my mother. I can understand their love, but I don't want it. I don't want it anymore, now that I see how much it can hurt someone. Now that I see how much it can tear a family apart.


	47. His Tongue Shall Speak Judgement

(Charon)

This day, last month, Dezbe left. Staring into the yellowish liquid that fills my glass, I remember that night. I remember it well, since it is burned into my mind. The bar patrons avoid me. The citizens do not stare any longer. I wonder if sometimes, they even realize that I still sit here, in the corner of the bar, at the far end. I talk to no one, I make eye contact with no one. Only the barkeep, who refills my glass once it reaches a certain point. I know who does not belong in my town, because those passing through, are the ones that stare. They stare at the once feared mercenary, drinking in the darkened corner. They ask questions that the citizens dare not ask, and they point in wonder, and then disbelief. It once bothered me, but, I no longer care to let it anymore.

Lighting a cigarette, I stay focused on my drink. Tonight marks one month since Dezbe left. I have been keeping track, with great difficulty. The days blend together in a haze of drunken stupor, and glasses of poured liquor. But I remember that night. I remember it, as if it were happening right now before my eyes. My hindsight tells me, that something is wrong about that night. That Dez should not have left, and although I know this now, I did not know it then.

She stood up from bed, after the children were done fighting. We were talking softly, of something from pre-war. It was about music boxes. She mentioned a tune she wished she could hear, whenever she wanted, and take with her. I had finished telling her of music boxes, and how when opened, a tune played until the owner closed it. Dezbe wanted one, and asked if it were possible to have Gob make one. I told her I did not know, and would ask him in the morning. For a moment, she listened to the kids fighting, and as the house rattled from Dizzy's temper tantrum, Dezbe became uneasy.

Dez was worried that night, about Dizzy's radiation. She claimed that she wanted to make sure Dizzy could control it, so she would not one day die. Dezbe, and myself, have cause to worry. Graves and Barrows told us in private, that Dizzy's radiation is not limitless. That if she uses too much, her body will not have the resources to produce the energy it takes, and soon, it will melt away. But he also stated that it was almost near impossible for Dizzy to exert herself in a such a way, as long as she learned control of herself, her emotions, and taught herself how to control the radiation as well. Dez and I did not care much for it, until the house shook. Together we shared a look, knowing Dizzy exhausted herself. The blast that emitted was not one to cause Dizzy harm, but it was enough to cause us worry.

Neither one of us spoke, until we heard the children had safely gone into their room. Dezbe came over, and sat on the bed. I looked at her in the dim moonlight, as the worn steel that made our bedroom feel cold, and yet…cozy. I watched her, dressed only in her underwear and my shirt, put on her boots.

"What are you doing?"

I asked her, curious.

"I need to clear my head a bit. I wanna go for a walk. Not far, maybe to the vault and back."

"Do you want me to come with?"

She shook her head, and smiled at me. Leaning over, Dezbe planted a kiss on my cheek, and I felt her chilled nose against my lips.

"I'll be back soon, just want some fresh air is all."

Stroking her cheek, Dezbe closed her eyes and for a moment, rested her head in my hand. She did not seem upset, but more distracted. I decided to not push the subject, thinking she would open up to me when she was ready. I watched her walk out that door, and before she closed it, she said she loved me. That was it, before I heard her walking down the steps, and out the front door.

When I woke the next day, and she was not beside me, I found it odd. I was not worried, but merely annoyed she had not woken me to tell me she had come home safely. I got dressed that morning, my armor chafing my chest. It felt odd to wear such a thing, without my shirt beneath it. But I paid that feeling no mind, as I set out to seek out where Dezbe had gone to. It was not long, when I learned nobody in town had seen her. Not even Gob knew her whereabouts. It was as if she left without a trace. As the day went on, I searched all of Megaton and the surrounding areas. There was no footprints, no markings, no indication of where she had gone. As if Dezbe had simply vanished.

In the week following, I hardly slept. I did not stop my search, and for a time, all of Megaton aided me. Roy and his team left, and said they would search on their way to Tenpenny. Yet, nobody saw her. Nobody came to tell me that they found something, and there was no sight of anyone on the horizon. I would have continued searching for her, if not for Dizzy. It was Dizzy, who first asked me if her mother had simply left. Grew tired of her life here, and left in search of a newer, more befitting life. That is what began the doubt. What started the drinking, and what remains in my mind.

Now, as I sit at the bar, it is the only thing I can think of. My armor chafes and scratches my chest to the point of rawness. There are other shirts I could wear beneath my armor, but none are my own. None of them, is the one that Dezbe left wearing that night. I would notice something like that, as unimportant as it sounds. Finding that shirt, upon someone's body, or in the Wasteland, would mean that Dezbe did not leave voluntarily. That instead, she was taken. It would give me the motivation to search for her, to know that she did not simply leave. But I have not seen it. I have not seen her, and though we have travelers sometimes stopping here for rest, I know none of them have seen her. The talking of the citizens would cause them to talk to me. The citizens now fear me, and wish to do what they can to find Dezbe, and restore the peace and order they once knew.

I am so tired of being here. I am so tired, of drinking, and waking every morning with my head pounding. I am tired, of how they look at me, and claim I am old and washed up. Tired, of remembering somehow to continue to take my medicine to prolong my life, when there seems to be no need. My daughter, no longer loves me. She is frightened by me, and with Cain alongside her, I know that she does not love me. I have made her life more difficult than it needs to be, and for that, I do not expect her forgiveness. I let her down, and disappointed her. Somehow, disappointment hurts worse, than any anger does.

When Dezbe and I were parted in the past, it was never like this. It was out of necessity, or force. And somehow, we always returned to one another. Somehow, the two of us made it through, and were reunited in the end. But this time, Dezbe left. She chose to leave, and so chooses to remain gone. I have tried, so hard, to tell myself she is gone. But everything is a reminder of her. Everything around me forces me to feel as if she is still with me. This town, the people, my home, all hold constant reminders and traces of Dezbe. She is not an easy person to forget. This was the first town she came to, and Gob was the first friend she made. It was her whom I lived here with, and her whom I rebuilt our home with. Everything in the Capital Wasteland holds a memory of us. Forgetting Dezbe, in a place such as this, is near impossible.

Finishing my glass, the barkeep comes over and refills it once more. I am not charged for my liquor, though I pay anyways. In my time, with Dez, the two of us have an abundance of caps. Money for us, is no issue out here. I wonder, if Dez, wherever she may be, knows of the pain her absence is causing me. I do not suspect she thinks of it that way. Where ever she is, she is rationalizing it. She assumes I do not need her to live, and breathe. That perhaps we would be happier without her. Nothing is further than the truth. I am a man of pattern, routine, taken from my training. I adapt and adjust to any environment and constant. Dezbe, for forty years, has been my constant. How am I to adjust to life now without her? It is the same as if someone took Psycho from a junkie. They go through withdrawals, and substitute the pain with something else. For me, it was liquor. Perhaps not the route I should have taken, but in Dezbe's absence…my past comes back to haunt me.

It comes to me in my dreams, and when I am sober. I see the faces of those innocent that I killed, and feel the pain of the whip across my back. My heels hurt from the pain of being cut, and my muscles feel torn and damaged. I can hear my trainer's voice, berating me, for allowing someone to get close to me. For allowing myself such weakness as petty human emotions. The memories torment me. For forty years, they subsided, due to Dezbe. Because Dezbe was the driving force in my change. Though I have had relapses, things since them have gotten better. Dezbe from time to time will have to speak to me, force me to snap from it. But it was nothing like it was in the past. With her not here, I fear I will transgress back into what I was. With no purpose, and no contract, or employer, what shall I do? Am I to remain with a daughter who hates me, with every right to? Am I to chase the images constantly with liquor? I fear learning to liv, without my past to haunt me, or the liquor. I fear I am not strong enough to fight it.

And yet, I do not see that as weakness. I see it simply, that for two-hundred plus years, I was that mercenary. That it is my defense mechanism. I simply revert back to what I was, because I am comfortable with it, and I know how. Nothing more, nothing less. My daughter, should be the one who pulls me from it. I should be strong enough to do it for her sake, and yet…I am not. She has Cain, and I have already disappointed her. She no longer sees me as she once did, and there is someone in her life prepared to love and care for her. I know Cain will be there. I know that he will care for her, and show her that despite what has happened this past month, there is hope. There is always hope, no matter how bleak. Just how there is still hope for myself, a three-hundred something, washed up, mercenary whose only purpose is to kill by contract. That even now, as I finish my drink once more, there is hope somewhere, at the bottom of this bottle.

People come and go from the bar. I know that it is getting late, when only the drunkards remain. The barkeep has small signs he tells us stragglers, when he is closing and we have to leave. Some nights, I take the others out with me. I provide him with a silent protection, as long as he refills my glass. It is a silent, symbiotic relationship. I know tonight, however, I will not have to remove anyone. They, one by one, begin to depart without words or assistance. I usually remain until the barkeep begins to walk up to his bed, making sure he locks the door behind me. He is a young man, new to Megaton, and built the saloon as the town was rebuilding itself. I allowed him to stay, since he has a good liquor stash to supply to the people, and he was a hard worker. He earned his right to live here, whereas I am losing my own.

As the last of the drunks leave, I slowly sip at my half-full glass that he topped off moments ago. I watch him carefully as he wipes down the glasses with a dirty rag. He reminds me of Gob in a strange way. Never saying much, minding his own, and only concentrating on the task at hand.

"You doin' alright tonight?"

There are times, when I speak to the barkeep. I do not remember his name, but there are no need for names, in a place like this.

"Hm."

"I had a wife once. Left me high and dry, but, she told me she was leavin' before she actually did it."

I narrow my eyes at him and light a cigarette.

"You know, Charon. I'm not scared of ya. I mean, people seem to be since you started drinkin', but I figure as long as I don't start trouble, you won't do anything. I've seen some drunks, and they get angry. But you? You're not a drunk. You're just a guy who's down on his luck. Give it time, buddy."

"…What did you do, when your wife left?"

Though I am drunk, I am careful to not slur my words. I must keep what dignity I have left. The barkeep looks at me, as he places glasses back upon the shelves, and almost seems to smile to himself. Smug bastard.

"I figured it was comin'. We were having marital issues, go figure that happens even if the world's ended. Anyways, it was just a matter of time. I didn't realize it then, figured we'd just work it out as always. But when I knew she wasn't coming back, I up and left. This is the first place I settled into since then, honestly. It was a while ago though, hardly remember the pain anymore. Just that I got out and did shit."

His story reminds me a lot of Dezbe, and our relationship. I toy with the idea that she may never come back, and though I have always thought of it, I have never let it affect me. I have always swallowed those feelings down with a swig of whiskey, brandy, or vodka.

"You are a braver man than me."

I tell the barkeep, letting the taste of my cigarette linger in my mouth before washing it down with more brandy. The barkeep shakes his head, tossing his rag over his shoulder. He comes over to me, placing his hands upon the bar, spread apart, shoulders pointed. He has no weapons on him, his stance is open. This man does not look for fights. He is blind in one eye, though not many patrons know. A white film encases his right eye, and although it moves along with his left, he cannot see from it. He talks openly to people, if they seek conversation with him. I do not mind men like him in Megaton. It is men like I have become, that are bothersome to me.

"I dunno about that. I've heard lots of tales about you. You're a damned living legend, if I say so myself. I certainly couldn't do what you've done."

I raise an eyebrow, my glass empty. He takes it, and wipes it down with the rag tossed over his shoulder.

"You have me mistaken for someone else. I am no longer that man."

He gives me a smirk, and makes a 'tsk' sound as he focuses on his luck.

"Like I said before, Charon, you ain't a drunk. Just a man down on his luck."

It is my cue to leave, and I find standing to be slightly difficult. Using the bar to steady myself, I stumble to the door, and fall into it. It opens against my weight, as I trip out into the cold, brisk, night air. The railing, though weak, helps my balance as I stare at the flickering and blurred lights of Megaton. Families sleep quietly, within the safety of their own home. Huddling together, against the cold winds that we have yet to adapt fully to. I hear the soft patter of footsteps, night dwellers slowly returning to the warmth and comfort of their homes, and rented beds. Looking up, I see my own home.

It is doubled with my vision, as I attempt to stand on my own. Lights are on in my house, and in them I see shadows of my daughter and Cain moving about. Dread and sadness fills me. I do not wish to return home to them. I am far too ashamed. Dizzy no longer puts me to bed after I hit Cain. She no longer even looks at me. I know now, that there is no longer a place for me there. No longer, a place for me in Megaton.

I find a place between the saloon and a neighboring home. Sitting down, I rest my back against the home, and stretch my legs out. Though it is not comfortable, it protects me against the wind. Without my shirt, I am colder than I usually am. Folding my arms, I tuck my head down, and chase away the memories of my past. My eyes, heavy, close against my will.

"Charon…hey, Charon…"

I do not know how long I have been asleep. It is not the voice calling my name that rouses me, but the touch of a cold hand upon my face. Groggy, and still drunk, I open my eyes. Blurrily, I see Gob and Zack standing in the entrance to the small alleyway. They are silhouetted against the waning moon. The skies tonight, are empty, aside from the moon.

"Come on, stand up. It's cold out here. Let's get you warmed up, you can sleep at my place."

Gob tells me, tugging at my arm. I attempt to stand, but in my state, my legs refuse to cooperate. I feel Gob buckle under my weight, and prepare myself to hit the cold and hardened steel below me. It is Zack who grabs me, and together, they lift me. Each arm draped over their shoulders, they hold me up. It is perhaps, the lowest I have ever been, as they walk with my feet dragging behind me.

"Atom, you're a heavy bastard…"

Gob says, my head bowing between them. Eventually, we make it to Gob's home, where it is warm, and protected from the wind. Gob and Zack bring me to Gob's study, and set me down in his chair. Zack departs, giving me a look of disappointment, and shaking his head as he closes the door. I have disappointed so many people, that it no longer affects me.

"…Charon, what the hell are you doin'?"

Gob asks me, as he lights a cigarette. I avoid looking at him, and instead focus on the many objects around me that fill his study. I do not wish to explain myself, to perhaps my only friend left in Megaton. Yet, he persists.

"I know, what it's like, alright? It ain't like I didn't go through almost the same thing."

"Nova did not leave. She did not abandon you."

"No but livin' with survivors guilt ain't that fun. You know how many nights I wonder why it wasn't me who died then? It should have been, damnit. But you don't see me up there, drinkin' it all away. Charon, you gotta get your shit back together. You got a kid who needs you."

"Dizzy no longer needs me. She is an adult now, and has Cain. She will be fine."

"That ain't the point! Charon, a girl needs her dad. It ain't right, to let her see you like this."

Gob does not understand. He does not understand what it is that I feel. As the liquor begins to wear down, I feel the fears and the emotions that I run from coming back. The memories of my past flood my mind slowly, leaking in unwanted and uninvited. My heart begins to beat faster against my armor, as Gob looks on in silence.

"Perhaps I should leave in the morning. Leave Megaton, and find a new life."

"That ain't what you gotta do, either. You know what you have to do, an' the first step is not goin' to that damned bar every day. Charon I've known you since the damned world ended. This shit, ain't you. An' it blows. I hate seein' my friend like this."

"Is that what I am to you, even now? A friend?"

Gob looks at me as if I have just struck him. He ashes his cigarette, and sighs.

"Yeah. You're my friend, Charon. You're my brother for fucks sake. Dunno any other man out here as long as I've known you, an' our relationship ain't healthy, but shit. It's a friendship if I've ever seen one."

A brother? A brother, is how Gob sees me? I have never had someone, express that kind of emotion towards me. Never, have had someone accept me, even now. I have never been this low before, but…I suppose hearing, that someone is still willing to forgive me, pushes something inside of me.

In the month that Dezbe has been away, I have not allowed myself to cry. I have not allowed myself to show any signs of vulnerability. Even while drunk, I have maintained a strong air about me, so that everyone simply knows to leave me be. Yet here, as I gaze around the room, I realize that the only person to be in Megaton alongside Dezbe and myself since the day she emerged from the vault, still sees me as a person. Not as a washed up mercenary, as so many citizens seem to think. It is a form of acceptance, that I have never felt before.

As my eyes find a cello in the corner of the room, I ask Gob about it.

"Have you created a bow?"

It does not surprise me that he made an instrument. What surprises me is why he had done so. Gob looks at me, surprised and speechless.

"You can play that thing?"

"I was trained to play every instrument available to me. Among many other things."

"And after all this time, you didn't forget?"

"We are trained to never forget, Gob. Such an action would prove to result in a painful punishment. Let me see."

Silently, Gob brings me the cello, and the bow. I sense this creation of his, means a lot more to him than any other piece of junk in this room. That he created this out of a powerful emotion kept locked away inside of his self. An emotion, that I wish to ignore, and run from.


	48. He Shall Speak Wisdom

(Gob)

I ain't never seen Charon so low before. When Zack an' I carried him home, the man was dead weight and looked more broken than I'd seen a man. Though Charon ain't one to allow emotions to get the best of him, he sure as hell looked like he was feelin' a lot more than just the liquor.

When Dizzy stopped by and told us that her dad hadn't come home, I told the girl not to worry. Damn kid has enough shit on her plate, an' dealin' with her drunken bastard father ain't something I want her to witness anymore. Even if it's just for the night, I wanted to give the kid a break. She just lost her mother, and her father, within a few short weeks. Only so much a kid her age can take. She tries to be, but she ain't as thick-skinned as she thinks. She does try though, an' I give her points for that.

Still ain't nothin' could've prepared me for how I found Charon. All curled up between the saloon an' that house. Like some homeless beggar with nowhere to turn. Guess he figured he should avoid goin' home for some reason. I didn't ask. Didn't really wanna ask, since it ain't my business. Don't think I'd seen a sight more depressing, though. I'm so used to seeing Charon be strong, in control, and well-respected, seein' him all washed up really struck a nerve with me. Didn't realize my friend, needed a friend, so damned badly. Should have seen it, though. Should have known that while he was up in that saloon, he was all by himself. Even the strongest of men need a friend, when their loves leave. Somethin' I've learned out here, is that no matter how tough you think you are, at some point in life, you're gonna really need someone. Someone to just damn accept you an' help you out. I was a shitty friend in the sense where I didn't see that my buddy needed me. Suppose by letting him play my cello, I can kinda redeem myself.

I ain't really all that surprised he knows how to play. I should have known a place like where he came from covered all grounds and bases. Not just military style shit, but everything. They created quality solider, and quality soldiers are not jus' the ones who can fight, but the ones who are educated, an' damn well rounded. Should have figured Charon would be able to play, but I suppose I didn't think too much into it. Made the damn thing for Nova, after all. Ain't like I made it and thought to myself 'Hey, my buddy is gonna play this for me sometime'. Nope. Thought never crossed my damned mind.

Handing him the bow, I hold onto it for a bit while he tries to take it from me. I make him look me in the eyes before I go lettin' him take it. He does, but there's somethin' in those cold eyes that I don't think I've ever seen before. The shock of seeing it makes me let go of the bow. I watch Charon, as he positions the instrument between his legs. Didn't even know you held it that way. Jus' knew what the damned thing looked like. He toys with the strings a bit, before positionin' his cold hands against the neck, and gently, runs the bow across.

It damn brings me to tears. I feel 'em, fallin' from my eyes, silently, as Charon plays, his fingers running up and down the neck with an expertise that I'd never witnessed with anything before. His eyes close, as he falls into the melody that echoes in my study, an' out into Megaton and the Capital Wasteland. It's a haunting, slow, tragic melody. One I ain't never imagined could come from him. One I never imagined truly existed before. He speeds it up a bit, as if he's playin' his own damned life story through it. It reminds me of the piano tune that Dez played over Three Dog, twenty some odd years ago. It breaks my heart, as the deep notes and high rhythm dance around my mind.

I'm so stuck in the damn beauty of the music he's makin', that it takes me a bit to realize, that Charon's crying. That he's sitting there, playing this beautiful melody that stirs the citizens from their sleep to listen, an' he's cryin'. My goddamned best friend is cryin'. I dunno if I've ever seen him cry, but right now I don't give a shit. I watch him play, watch him as he finally lets the damned feelings of Dez leaving affect him. I almost don't want him to stop.

Before I can say anythin', the cello falls from Charon's grip. He hits the ground hard, but unbroken. In one swift motion, he covers his face with his hands, an' sobs. He sobs, sittin' in my chair, his whole body shakin' somethin' fierce.

"…Charon."

I say to him, not to really get his attention, but jus' from disbelief. Then I do somethin', that I never thought I'd do in a million years. Kneelin' down, I hold my friend in my arms, jus' as Dez did to me not too long ago. I don't say anythin', as I hold my broken friend while he cries. I know he doesn't wanna, but he turns and grabs me. He wraps his arms around my back, an' holds on tighter than I've ever felt someone hold me. I feel my shirt getting wet, an' I can't help but cry with him.

In this moment, we aren't the mercenary and the peasant. Right now, Charon and I are equal beings. We're the same man, broken by the same goddamned thing. Charon sobs, forcefully, but quietly, an' I hold him without fight or argument. If you'd have told me he'd be needin' me like this a few months ago, I wouldn't have believed it. But like I said, out here, it don't matter how big an' bad you are. There's gonna be a time where you need a goddamned friend. An' jus' like I've been there for Dez so many times before, I'm gonna be here for Charon. It ain't gonna be easy for him, adjusting to a sober life without her, and havin' to watch his kid. But at least I can be there to help him out some. Help soften the blows he's gonna get from Dizzy and the citizens. Everyone else turned their back on the guy, an' after all he's done for 'em I'm kinda pissed. But shit, I'm still here. An' by now Charon and I have a working relationship that took decades to create. Though we didn't start out as close, an' stayed distant for some time, I figure now…things ain't gonna be that way.

"Will it hurt like this, forever?"

Charon asks, as he lifts his head. I loosen my grip on him, an' he lets me go. His eyes are clouded with tears, an' as I stand he looks up to me. He looks to me for advice on a life, he ain't never had to live before. A life, that for once, I have more experience with than he does.

"Yeah, but, it gets a bit easier."

He shakes his head, an' reaches in his pocket for somethin'. What he pulls out are shards from the seemingly same gem that Dez wore on her finger.

"Could…you perhaps create something to keep these in? I would like to at least remind myself, that I felt something, lest anything happens."

I nod my head, an' search for a small vile I have somewhere.

"What could happen?"

I ask cuz I'm worried. I don't want him goin' an' offin' himself.

"I do not know. Many things. I could transgress back to whom I was. I do not know. There are many things, I do not know right now."

Finding the vile I'm lookin' for, I tie some wire around the cork so the gems don't slip out. Fastening a string around the bottle itself, I give Charon a small necklace to wear. I dunno if that's what he had in mind, but it's what I came up with. Nodding his head in thanks, he puts the gems around his neck, tucking it safely beneath his armor.

As he pulls his armor down, I notice his chest has blood on it.

"What happened?"

The air between us is quiet, an' surreal. Ain't never felt this way between us before.

"Dez left in nothing but her underwear, my shirt, and her boots. Without my shirt, my armor chafes my skin raw."

"Charon, you gotta get another shirt…"

He shakes his head, letting go of his armor and allowing it to hide the blood.

"There is no need. I remember my failures, and I learn from them. This, is another reminder, to not fail."

"You didn't fail, Charon. Life ain't a mission, here. Shit jus' didn't work, an' shit jus' happens. There's no real failin' unless you're gonna leave here tomorrow an' off yourself. Cuz then you'd fail Diz, an' me. You still have people who love you."

Charon nods, as if he's heard this advice before. Prolly has. He's a smart man, an' I guess he's told himself this time and time again. But it ain't nothin' I can fix in a night.

"That is how you see life. Living without Dezbe is going to be difficult…how…did you manage, without Nova?"

"I had to. When you got a newborn, you can't really be focusin' on much else. You should know, Diz was a baby once. Ain't got time for it. Jus' recently I gave myself time to grieve. Turned to the bottle, like you do now, an' that didn't help. So I jus' made the cello. But Nova died, Charon. Dez left. You have to deal with it differently than I did."

"It feels as if she died."

"An' when Nova died, it only felt like she left. I kept expectin' her to saunter in an' call me 'Gobby'. But that day never came, an' the sooner you accept it, the better it'll be. Easier, anyways."

Charon still wants to believe Dez is gonna come back. An' you know, it's not too out of the realm of possibility. If she does come back, Charon's gonna have a breakdown. Ain't never seen him this vulnerable and exposed before. Sure is different than how I usually see him, but it's a good change for my friend. He's learnin' how life really is, an' how it sometimes sucks to feel. Though if she does come back, there's a lot of explainin' she's gonna have to do. But, somethin' tells me, she ain't headin' home anytime soon.

"I am tired."

I nod, and start to shut out the lights.

"There's an extra bed I had Zack set up. It's in my room, so you're gonna have to jus' deal with that."

"I did when we lived with Carol."

I smirk, remembering how we'd be up late, bickerin' with one another over how the other made too much damn noise sleepin'.

"Yeah. It was easier back then."

Charon stands up, silently agreein' with me. We don't say anythin' else to one another, as we leave my study and begin up the steps. There's nothin' else to say, for tonight anyways. It's gonna be hard for him, but I'll be around. I think he knows that now, that I'm his friend, and brother. It ain't gonna be easy, but at least he ain't as alone as he thought.


	49. How Serene, How Kind

(Dizzy)

Dad never came home last night. He stayed with Gob, I guess. I honestly don't really know, and don't really care. Cain will argue that I do in fact, care, because I went to Gob's last night to tell him dad hadn't come home. I just didn't want him out in the cold was all. I don't care if dad comes home or not, but at least stay somewhere warm. The nights just get colder and colder, and the days slightly shorter and shorter. It's the cold months, but the days aren't really that bad. A bit chilly, but nothing to cry over. I don't particularly like being out in the cold months, but that's just me.

Right now, I'm sitting in my parents' room, sifting through shit. I don't know why, but I want to see if they have anything to help keep me warm at night. Like an extra blanket or something. Usually we don't need blankets, because the night is dry and warm. But now it's damp and cold, so just having one blanket in my room isn't enough. I took my parents' blanket last night, since I figured my absent father wouldn't need it. But even then that wasn't enough. The blankets here are really thin, and scratchy. They're not really known for their warmth, and neither is our armor. I mean, Cain's armor is, but mine…not so much. Like I said, though, I don't mind or care for the cold months very much. It's a nice break from the desert heat, but you try sleeping in skintight armor under two scratchy blankets in cold night air and see how far that gets you. Let me save you the time, and tell you myself: not very far.

Cain would be helping me, but he left a bit ago. He went to see if he couldn't find my dad, and I opted to stay home. I don't care where my dad is. If he's not at Gob's, he's at the bar. If he's in neither, then he left. And I don't care. Really, I don't. He's been nothing but a stupid drunk for a month, and doesn't give a Molerat's ass about anyone but himself. Cain says I should be more forgiving towards my father, and I know deep down he's right, but…I don't know. I'm just so angry at him right now. Maybe when I cool off I'll be able to forgive him and talk to him again, but right now I'm just too damned mad. I didn't even get time to cry over my mom leaving, before dad up and went all stupid on me. So now I get to deal with the emotions of losing _both_ parents, instead of one parent, while having support from the other. Cain says my dad's just never really felt anything like what he's feeling right now, and it's hard for him. I don't care about their telepathic connection, I'm mad at dad. He could have been more of an adult about the whole situation.

I think the only laughable thing to come from this, is that I'm being the adult. Really. Since dad resigned himself to the bar, and mom high-tailed it out of here, it's been me that the citizens have turned to for advice and disagreement issues. I've done a pretty damn good job of it, too. Mostly, they're worried about the crops not returning, but I told them as soon as the cold months end, I'll head out and find them a new G.E.C.K. They agreed with that idea. As far as the disagreements go, I just listen and mediate everything. Never thought I'd be the one to be doing all this, and be doing it well, but circumstances really gave nobody else a choice. And since I'm the daughter of Charon and Dezbe, it seems only befitting that I'd be the go-to gal. Although, I really wish they'd chosen to go to Zack, or Gob for these things. A lot of things I can't fix, like pipes and generators, and have to tell Gob. And not only that, but I don't really want to run Megaton.

Before mom left, Cain and I wanted to travel and go to Rivet City. We still do, only, we can't. Because I'm now officially the unofficial mayor of Megaton. In so many words and responsibilities. Leaving them without wouldn't be right, and I although I hate having this stupid responsibility, I can't take it out on the citizens. They didn't do anything wrong. I guess I just have to wait it out a bit longer. Figure that when Cain and I go find the G.E.C.K, we can go do some exploring on the side. It won't be much, but it'll be something to hold us over until dad comes to his senses, or I get the courage to ask Gob to take over. I mean, it's not like I'm protecting them. I don't do that, since nobody comes here to mess with anyone. I just settle arguments and solve problems. Things that if they had two cents themselves, they'd be able to do on their own. Ah, but what am I saying? The people here are just so used to having someone, that they don't give it a second thought. My parents were watching over this place way before I was born, so it's only natural that the citizens would grow up, always having some form of law and protection. Structure, I suppose.

There's nothing really of interest in my parents' room. Lighting a cigarette, I shake my head while I dig through small piles of stuff. Mostly mom's old armor. She collects it, almost. But most of her outfits were destroyed in the missile attack, so there's only a small pile now. Looking at some of them, I wonder why she didn't take anything with her when she left. Dad told me she only left dressed really in his shirt. It doesn't seem like mom to me, but then again, her taking off and never coming back didn't seem like her to me, either. Gob told me my mother was always full of spontaneous actions. That once you had her figured out, she'd up and do something completely out of character. He also said that he thought she'd changed that in the past decade, but he was wrong.

In the background, I'm playing a holotape I brought from New Vegas on a small radio that Gob gave to me a few days ago. 'Big Iron' starts to play, and I angrily glare at the radio. At one point, Jasper told me that my father reminded her of Big Iron, the ranger talked about in the song. You know, I agreed with her in the back of my mind. My dad did resemble the Texas Ranger, even if I have no idea what a Texas is. But not anymore. He's not anything really, anymore. Just some stupid drunk, spending all his caps at the stupid saloon. So I smack the radio off and continue to sift through my mom's stuff. There has to be something in here that I can at least wear to bed, that isn't as skin tight as my own armor. Mom and I are almost the same size, too. Only, her boobs are a lot bigger than mine. When it comes to a good chest size, I'm in the shallow end of the gene pool. Mom always had curves, though. I never let her borrow my clothes, because she'd give it back all stretched out, and then it'd look like I had even less of a chest.

When I was going through puberty, I was really upset that I didn't develop like mom did. One day, I got really upset at it, and went crying to dad. Mom was out and about, doing town stuff, and dad was home making sure I didn't get into any fourteen-year-old trouble. I went down to the kitchen, all upset and crying, and demanded to know why I hadn't gotten boobs yet. The look on dad's face was priceless, and even though I'm really angry at him right now, it makes me laugh. He got all red, and coughed a lot, and didn't really know how to answer my question. I wasn't satisfied with his silence, so I said to him 'Mom has boobs, and you _really like them!_ What about me? Nobody's gonna _really like_ my flat chest!' He looked at me like I'd just shot him in the foot. Luckily for him mom came walking in at that moment. Dad stood up from the table, pointed to me, and said 'You deal with this', and ran upstairs. Mom dealt with it fairly well, too. She sat down, and told me that boobs were kind of stupid out here. They got in the way, and she always hurt them when she fell. If she wasn't wearing the right armor, it'd hurt her to run. But she topped that talk off with 'But on the bright side, they're amazingly fun to play with', which kind of set-back that nice and insightful talk she had just given me.

My parents were never perfect. In fact, they did a lot of screwed up things while I was growing up. My father launching me off of the room, my mother treating me more like a friend than a daughter, and both of them not knowing how to deal with me going through puberty and an interest in boys. Mom was just as immature as me, and dad just didn't know how to handle a kid. They weren't perfect, but they were mine, and I loved them. It didn't matter to me, as I got older, what kind of mistakes they had made. To me they weren't even mistakes, just really fun parents. But now this happened, and I think back and wonder if mom really did love and want me. If she treated me like her friend because she wanted to be besties with her daughter, or because she wanted to detach herself from me. If dad really did all those things for me growing up because he wanted to, or just so I would have some parent that gave a shit. It's a tough time for me right now, because I'm filled with all these questions and doubts, with nobody to really talk to about them. I mean, I have Cain, Gob, Zack and Jasper, but I don't want to trouble them with any of this. I suppose all of it is just nonsense that's come up due to the recent events.

Sighing, I throw my hands up in frustration. There's nothing useful here, at all. Nothing I could use to keep warm, and nothing I could use in general. Giving up, I hit my back against the filing cabinet as I sit on the floor, exhausted and fed up. As my back thumps it, something inside moves. To be sure it wasn't just me, I hit my back against it again. Sure enough, there's something in there.

"Might as well."

I say, for the sake of hearing my own voice. Turning around, I pull open the drawers one by one. Each one has nothing in it, until I get to the top one. It's at chest height with me, and I figure if the thing that made the noise isn't in here, than I truly am losing my mind. Pulling it open, a gun slides forward to greet me. It's mom's sawed-off, and I shrug. I thought it would be something useful. I already have my own gun. Though mom's is known for being modified, and more powerful, I don't really need it. I mean, if the kickback is worse than my Magnum, then I don't want to use it. I had a hard enough time learning how to handle my own, normal gun. I don't need to learn how to use mom's modified one. But, I pick it up anyways. It's heavier than I'd thought it would be, and fits strangely well in my hand. I notice then that the handle has a grip made perfectly for mom's hands, and it also has her name carved into it. I don't want to use it, but I have to admit, it is pretty cool.

She told me she had this thing since way before I was born. Though dad never found it practical, because it's a two-shooter, mom loved it. She said it was small and fierce, just like her. When I asked her why not just use a gun like mine, she shook her head. Said her sawed-off had way more bludgeoning power when she ran out of ammo, and it reminded her of herself. Her and dad always told me, use a gun that reminds you of yourself, because it's going to save your ass more than once. I can see the resemblance, as I hold mom's gun in my hand. It makes a statement, and has obvious power, but it's simple in design, and easily placed on the hip. Someone can see it from a distance, unlike mine, so people are always are that mom's armed. Although it's worn and old from time, it's in pretty decent shape. I'm no expert on guns, like dad or Gob or mom, but I know enough. Enough to get by, fix my own, and do what I need to do.

My Magnum is small, and holds single bullets. It has a spinning chamber, and easy for quick-draw situations. Not very awesome in the long-range area, but usually I don't see enemies until I'm right on top of them anyways. I couldn't imagine carrying something as heavy as mom's gun, but then again I'm not mom. I still want to give it a shot, though. It won't fit in my holster, so I make sure it's empty, before tossing it over my shoulder. It's not, and two kept shells pop into my hand. So I have one shot with this, no big deal. Resting the barrel on my shoulder, I keep my finger on the trigger and walk out of my parents' room. Though they didn't have anything to help me keep warm at night, it's nice to at least have something of my mother's to carry around. I doubt I'll ever use this gun, but I figure I can keep it for sentimental reasons.

Outside, the air is kinda warm, and kinda chilly. Dad would say growing up, that it felt like 'spring'. No idea what that is, but it's how dad would describe it. Walking away from my house, I start heading towards the Wasteland, so I don't accidentally hit someone while shooting off mom's gun. I don't know the range it has, or the power it holds, so I really don't want to risk anything. With everything that's happened, accidentally killing a civilian wouldn't go over too well with the townsfolk. I make sure I'm closer to Vault 101, than I am to Megaton, when I look for something to shoot.

Out here, there's hardly anything. Not a Radscorpion, or Molerat, and hell not even a Yao Guai. It's not like shooting at rocks and boulders is a good idea, either. The bullets could easily bounce back and kick my ass. Though I heal fast, it's not something I want to explain to Cain. 'Yeah I shot myself…again' would be something he expects to come out of my mouth, and really set back his idea that I'm perfectly capable of heading into the Wasteland with him.

Looking around, I find that there really is absolutely nothing to shoot at. Not a creature, mutant or Raider around for miles and miles. Dad always told me that shooting a gun into the air was a bad idea, since the bullets could come down and hurt someone else, or yourself. But facing Vault 101, I figure that it won't hurt anyone, so long as I aim high for the cliff. Nobody is up there anyways, and the bullets really wouldn't fly back and hit me. Plus I'm far enough away from Megaton for it to hurt someone, too. Cutting my losses, I shrug and load the bullets into mom's gun. There's no reason to pump it, since it isn't like dad's pump-action. Taking careful aim, I squeeze the trigger.

I'm in no way prepared for what happens next. The recoil is unlike anything I've ever felt before, and it takes all my strength and more to not have the gun pop back and hit my face. Had it done that, I would have had some serious broken bones, and bruises aren't able to be healed by radiation. Don't ask me why. I could heal from a busted face just fine, but there'd be bruising, and Cain would start asking questions. So instead, the recoil launches me off of my feet, and I hit the hard, cold ground with a loud 'thud'.

"Shit…"

Mom really wasn't shitting me when she told me this gun was modified. She meant it, and meant it more seriously than I'd ever taken. This thing is something powerful. She always told me it wasn't nearly as powerful as dad's gun. I shudder as I lie on the ground, my arm throbbing in pain, thinking of how powerful dad's gun must be. No wonder mom always had toned and fit arms. Having to shoot this thing takes a whole lot of strength that I certainly don't have.

Staring up at the sky, I give myself a few short minutes to collect myself before I get up to head back into Megaton. The thought crosses my mind, as to why mom left without her gun, but I don't really dwell on it. Mom does a lot of things that can't be explained, and I chalk this up to one of them. Getting up, my arm feels really sore. Radiation doesn't cure soreness and bruises, of all things. So I have to deal with it as I make the short trudge back to Megaton. The kickback was strong with mom's gun, and the blast was loud. It's definitely not a gun used for sneaking up on people, though I can't imagine my mother being quiet for any real given point of time. She can't even keep surprises from my dad. Always has to tell him right before they're about to happen because she's so damn excited.

I still try to clip mom's gun to my hip, even though it won't fit. It guess it's just a natural reaction for me to keep it there. Any gun there, really. Mine is always on my hip, unless I forget it in my room. There's really no threats in Megaton anymore, so constantly remembering my gun can be a burden. Maybe that's what mom thought, too, the night she left. She figured there was simply nobody else she needed to fight, and nobody who wanted to fight her, so she left without it. It's the only thing that makes even the most remote sense. I want to keep this gun, though. I want to keep it, so I can remember the woman my mother was. That awesome, over-romanticized version everyone loves to hear about. And I also want to remember what she was to me. A best friend, a good mom, and a Yao Guai. She would even wallop dad over the head if she felt he was putting me in some sort of danger. Which was nearly every day, growing up. Dad always made sure I had fun, though, while mom made sure my knees were bandaged and my clothes weren't too ripped. I'd give my right arm, to go back to being a kid again. I miss it. I miss my functionally dysfunctional family. I miss my mom. I miss my dad.

As I near my home, and Megaton, I see Cain on the horizon. He spots me, and jogs towards me. It's only after he's closer, that I realize my dad is following him. Oh, great. See I was having a pretty okay morning up till now. I got to find mom's gun, had some time to myself, and got to shoot said gun. But now I have to deal with my dad. I'm not sure how drunk he is, if he slept, or if he has yet to head up to the bar. All I really am sure of, is that I don't want to see him. I don't want any goddamned thing to do with him. Not right now, anyways. Let me remember my mom in peace. Let me mourn her leaving, and let me do it without the drunken antics of my stupid father. But no. Nope, I can't get one good day of peace and quiet.

Cain reaches me a few yards away from our house. Before my dad catches up, I nudge Cain hard with my elbow.

"What the hell is he doing here?"

I ask him more than a bit annoyed.

"He was at Gob's. He's sober, don't worry. But we heard a loud blast, and came to check it out."

Before I can tell him it was just me being myself, dad reaches me. I cross my arms and make it point to not look at him, with mom's gun dangling in my fingertips.

"Dizzy, what was that blast?"

My dad asks me, and I shake my head at him.

"Me. I went to shoot stuff."

Moving, I try to push past him, but his hand grabs my shoulder and holds me in place.

"What's in your hand?"

He asks me, and I try to pull away. I get his hand off me, but I don't move. Figure if the drunk wants to talk to me, he can.

"It's mom's gun."

Quicker than someone running from a hoard of Super Mutants, dad grabs the gun from my hand. His eyes widen, as he looks it over, running his hands over the warm barrel, and examining it carefully.

"Where…did you find this?"

"It was in your room, in that filing cabinet."

Dad looks at me, as if he's just found some sort of holy grail. It's like I can see his mind whirring and ticking, connecting invisible dots that are lost to everyone except him.

"You found this in my bedroom? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I was in there and found it. What about it?"

I'm defensive so I can let him know that I'm mad at him. But dad doesn't say anything, as he stares at mom's gun. I hope it doesn't cause some emotional breakdown, because I'm not in the mood to deal with that right now.

"I need you both to go and fetch Jasper. Bring her here, now."

"Dad?"

He looks me in the eyes, and something tells me that this is pretty serious shit. I don't bother to ask for an explanation, because it doesn't seem there's time to give one. Dad quickly turns around and starts to head into our house, without any indication of what's going on. Cain stands next to me, just as confused. I look up at him, and he shrugs.

"I have no idea. He was at Gob's, and everything was fine. He was going to come home and talk to you, but I guess that's not going to happen."

"It's fine. Whatever. Let's just go get Jasper."

Gob's house isn't far, but in the short walk over, I can't help but let a bunch of thoughts creep into my mind. I mean, why would dad be so obsessed with mom's gun? And more importantly, what does Jasper have anything do to with this? It's not like she knows where mom went. For a second I think that maybe dad might give Jasper mom's gun, since Jasper doesn't have a gun of her own. But that's stupid. Dad wouldn't give anything to Jasper, since as far as I know, he doesn't like her. I mean, he tolerates her, but as far as giving her something from his family…I don't think that's in his agenda. So what could it be? Cain's as clueless as I am, and all our pondering gets us is more questions than answers. Knocking on Gob's door, Jasper is the one who answers.

"My dad wants to talk to you."

She raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug.

"I dunno why, either. But just come on. It's better to entertain him than fight him at this point."

"Alright…"

Jasper seems more than a bit hesitant to follow Cain and I, but she comes with. I mean, even she doesn't seem to know what dad wants with her. But I suppose we're going to get all that figured out soon enough.

Reaching my house, I see dad standing on the outskirts of Megaton, with a pack fastened to his back, atop his gun. What the hell is going on, exactly? And what's in the pack? I look at Cain and Jasper, who have looks of confusion on their face just like I do. It's not even noon yet, and already I'm sick of today and its questions.

"Well, here she is."

I say to my dad. Looking at Jasper, I notice she's visibly nervous. Did I miss something? Did Cain and I both miss some important event? I can't figure we did, since dad's been at the bar, Jasper's been with us or Zack, and today went pretty normal. My dad turns around, and looks Jasper in the eye. I can tell he's intimidating her by how she holds her arms around her stomach. She avoids looking at him, and keeps her gaze downward.

"Did anyone else follow you here from New Vegas?"

What kind of question is that? I stare at my father, dumbfounded and angry at his forwardness with his questioning.

"Dad! That's rude!"

"Jasper, answer the question."

He ignores me, but I can't say I'm not use to it. Him ignoring me, I mean. I've been dealing with it for a month.

"…No…not that I'm aware of, anyways. I mean, all I knew of were Caesar's Legion. The NCR was too scared, and if any of the gangs on the strip left, they'd have their territory overtaken."

My father seems satisfied with that answer, and looks at me. I notice the barrel of mom's gun sticking out of the pack on his back. Is he about to go somewhere?

"What's with the pack?"

I ask him, but again, he ignores me. What a shocking surprise.

"Jasper, you need to be completely honest with me."

"I am! I don't know anything!"

What's with Jasper being so emotional? Cain and I look on at this scene, with some serious questions that demand answers. But it doesn't seem like I'm going to get any right now.

"Alright. You may go."

"…I wanted to talk to you."

Jasper wants to talk to my dad? About what? Dad glares at her, as if he's telling her to keep her mouth shut. I listen, folding my arms over my chest, and trying hard to analyze the situation.

"There is nothing to discuss. Go home."

"It's about what happened."

"Nothing happened."

"Charon, please. Just listen. I'm really sorry about it. I'm really, really sorry if what happened caused this. If what we did made Dezbe leave. I didn't…I didn't intend for that to happen. And I'm sorry. Please, don't hate me."

What…happened…? What _they_ did? Pushing myself between them, I know that I won't get any answers from my father, but maybe I will from Jasper.

"Jasper, what the hell happened?"

She starts to cry and sob, and holy shit it's not even noon and now this. Now this. What is going on? Jasper tries to tell me, through her tears, that as we were rebuilding Megaton, my father found her. He found her after having a fight with my mom, and the two of them kissed. In so many words, that's what happened. And right now I have no idea who I'm more angry at.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Really? Fucking really?"

Turning to my dad, I put my foot down. I demand answers.

"What happened? Dad, is she lying? Dad! Answer me! Answer me right now!"

My father looks away, not wanting to explain his actions to his kid, but frankly he has no choice.

"She is not lying. But I did not keep it from your mother. Our marriage was failing, and although we hid it from you, it was not something easily fixed. I told Dezbe everything, and we decided we would move on from there. Put ourselves first, and attempt to fix our relationship."

"That's why mom left, isn't it? Because you two broke up? Because you _cheated on her_? With _Jasper_?"

I can't believe it. I can't. All this time I thought my parents were two happy people. How long have they been having issues? Is this why mom left? Because her and dad weren't happy? It makes so much more sense now, that mom would leave. I mean, her marriage wasn't working, and to spare me the nitty gritty parts, she just left without telling anyone. She left and dad knew why. So, was him looking for her all a front? A disguise so that he wouldn't have to admit to the whole town that he was unfaithful, and a shitty husband?

"Dizzy, allow me to explain…"

"No! No you've done enough! How _could _you? How could you do that to mom, and to me?"

Turning to Jasper, I push her to the ground. She still cries, and tries to crawl away from me.

"No you stay! You stay and fight me right now! You did this, too! You made out with _my father_! That's my _dad_! You ruined my family! Get your ass back here you whore! You tramp!"

I kick her really hard and try to get her to stand up. I fee l may father's hands around my waist, lifting me off of Jasper, pulling me away. I attack his arms, feeling the radiation coursing through my veins as my skin starts to glow brighter.

"No! No you put me down _right now_! I'm going to deal with you later! You put me down and face what you did!"

"Dizzy, calm yourself. It is not all Jasper's fault. I understand your anger, but please, calm down."

Flailing, I loosen from my father's grip as my hands burn his bare arm. Landing on the ground, I quickly stand up. Tears of anger stream down my face, as I reach for my gun.

"You made my mom leave! You made mom leave! For what? For what? For _her_? For…for _her_?"

I turn to Jasper, and quickly realize that I don't want to shoot her. No. I want her to feel all the pain I'm feeling now. The pain of losing my family, of my father's drunkenness, of everything that's happened in this whole month.

"You! You lied to me! You pretended to be my friend to get closer to my father!"

Jasper cowers as I come closer, shaking her head.

"No, Dizzy, I didn't! I didn't! I wanted to tell you, I did! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

"Sorry won't make my mom come home! You ruined everything, again!"

I go to jump on her, but my father grabs me once again. This time, burning his arm doesn't do anything. He takes the pain, and hisses at Cain.

"Get Jasper out of here!"

He yells, holding me tight. Cain listens to him, grabbing Jasper's arm and bringing her to her feet. Now I feel triply betrayed. First by Jasper, then my dad, and now my boyfriend. It just fuels my anger, as I thrash around, throwing my elbows and trying to hurt my dad. My skin glows almost as bright as the sun, as the radiation forces itself through me.

"Calm down, Dizzy! Calm down and let me explain!"

"No! You deserve this!"

Without holding back, I close my eyes and push out as much radiation as I can. Even after I feel the blast forcing my father to let me go, I emit more and more until I damn near pass out. Laying on the ground, it hurts to try and lift myself. I've never felt so worn and exhausted from doing that. My entire body aches and tries to fix itself. But there's no more energy to. As the tears land on my hand, I realize they're not water, but drops of radiation. Green, thick drops of radiation that sizzles and burns at my hands. A yard or so away, my father struggles to get up. His armor is melted, but not through to his body. Steam comes from his burns on his arm, and I smell melting leather as he comes closer to me.

With no strength left, I still try to kick at him. But I can't even lift my leg. All my strength is being used to hold myself up on my arms, as I cry on the ground, losing more and more of the precious radiation that my body creates.

"Get…away…from…me!"

I try to yell, but it comes out as a meek sentence. Dad's shadow blocks the sun from me, and he reaches down.

"Dizzy, are you alright?"

"Get away!"

It takes more energy and strength than it should to shout at him. My tears burn at my face, as my father grabs me and lifts me into the air. He holds me close, because I have no more strength to fight him off. Because I can hardly even breathe, let alone kick and fight him.

"I know, that you are angry. And you have every right to be, but right now, you need to listen to me."

I'd say something to him, but I don't have strength to do even that.

"I was unfaithful, yes. But your mother knew. She knew, and made her own choice to remain with me, and work through our troubles. Dizzy, your mother did not leave because she was unhappy."

Looking up at him, I plead with him to my eyes, to please, just tell me the truth.

"I too, thought that she had left due to her unhappiness. But I see now that is not the case. Dizzy, your mother left that night half naked, and unarmed. Despite her foolishness, that is something she would never do. Never. Going out naked, perhaps yes, but not without her weapon. Dizzy, do you understand what I am saying?"

I shake my head, I don't know anything anymore.

"Something happened to your mother, Dizzy. Somebody hurt her, or took her, or something. I have wasted a month, thinking that she had simply left. I cannot waste any more time. I know you are angry, and I do not expect you to forgive me any time soon, but please, allow me to leave. I must go find your mother. She may be in trouble, or worse. Dizzy, I do not wish to worry about you while I am away. Please, do not harm Jasper. It was not her fault."

I say nothing, but look away from him. Dad starts to walk me towards our house, and he knows he's still in shit with me.

"You feel betrayed, and hurt. It is understandable. Jasper did not mean to harm you, in her actions, and neither did I. Just, wait until I return. I promise I will fix all that I have done wrong then. But I am asking you, as your father, to please, just stay in Megaton, and wait. Can you do that for me, Dizzy? Can you?"

What do I do? I'm so angry at him, and I want to hurt him in so many ways. I want to hurt Jasper, too. I want to hurt all of them.

"I have not been a good father to you. I have been selfish, and uncaring, when you needed me most. For that I am sorry. I truly am, but I cannot stay here any longer. I must go find your mother, Dizzy. Believe me, when I say that I love you, and will make it up to you somehow."

Cain comes over, and dad explains what happened. They talk for a bit, their words sounding very far away. I hear dad tell Cain, that he needs to take care of me, and that he doesn't know when he'll be back. For some reason, Cain readily forgives my father. He doesn't question him, as my dad hands me over, and doesn't argue when he turns to leave. I want to, though. I want to yell and kick and scream and tell my dad that he better come back with mom, or not at all. But…despite my anger and resentment, I'm also scared. I'm scared, that maybe, I'm about to be an orphan. That dad won't find mom, and he'll just die out there, all by himself. It's a worry that I have no energy to fret over. I'm so tired, and so sore, that I can't help but fall asleep in Cain's arms, as he brings me inside. All I can manage to think of, is how much this day sucks.


	50. Acheron

(Charon)

How could I have missed it? How could I have been so blinded by my own confusion, that I missed the most vital and important signs of Dezbe's disappearance? Of course she didn't leave because she wanted to. How could I have been so careless, and stupid? I have wasted precious time. Time, that perhaps could have cost her life. Time that I so desperately needed. Yet in the beginning I was so fearful of leaving Megaton, too scared to leave behind Dizzy to search for Dez, that I had completely lost my sense of direction. Lost any logical analysis of the situation. And now, as I walk further and further from Megaton, I wonder who the enemy could be. Wonder, who could have taken her, and why.

Dezbe would not have left without her weapon. Even someone as radical as she, would never, ever, leave without some form of protection. She is far too aware of the dangers and villains hidden within the Capital Wasteland. Just because she cannot see them, does not mean they are not there. It is completely against all she has learned, been through, and seen, to leave home for any reason, without a weapon to defend herself. There have been times where she did not have a gun, yes, but during those times I have been with her. I was her weapon.

But whom could have taken her? Jasper swears she knows nothing of any other faction coming from New Vegas. The Brotherhood has all but disbanded over there, and Jasper is correct in saying that the NCR was too fearful to follow Caesar's Legion over. But then whom? There are no longer any factions here worth worrying about. A few Slavers, and a few Raiders would not have taken Dezbe without a fight. She is not completely defenseless without a weapon, and would have made enough noise to alert someone within the vicinity to aid her. I cannot think of anyone left out here, who could have held a grudge this long, and taken her. Or, why should would be taken in the first place. It still makes no sense to me. The only thing I truly know, is that I must find her. No matter the cost. I have wasted enough time, wallowing in my own self-pity. I cannot waste any more.

Inside the pack, I have irradiated water, frag grenades, ammunition for Dezbe's gun, Dezbe's gun, and ammunition for myself. On my back, I carry my own shotgun. Tucked safely in the sheath concealed within my boot, is my combat knife. And finally, within my pocket, tightly wound, is my garrote wire. Since I do not know my enemy, or how many there may be, I came prepared. If I must use stealth and stay to the shadows, the wire will assist me, as it has in the past. The knife is far too loud, and leaves a mess. But a wire such as this is quick, silent, and clean. No traces of blood, and no indication that anything happened, as long as you are quick to hide the body. I was pleased when I found it, as I hastily packed my items into this pack. I had not thought of using it in decades, but now seems like the perfect time to bring it from its retirement.

Stopping a few miles away from Megaton, I look around at the barren Capital Wasteland. Buildings lie on the horizon, some intact, some crumbling before my eyes. Boulders, dirt, and rugged terrain flows all around me, as I wonder just which direction to travel in. The Capital Wasteland is not a small place, despite the numerous times I have traveled it. I have little to no idea as to where Dezbe would be brought. There's miles and miles of metro tunnels, and even more miles of decrepit city, and settlements and buildings outside the D.C. area. I could search for months, and still be unable to find her whereabouts. I cannot go blindly into this. I need to search for clues of some sort, and asses this situation as I was trained to do.

Setting down my pack, I clear my mind. During my training, we were taught how to track and locate with little to no leads. It was our duty, and our mission, to not lose our employer. Had we done so, we were failures. We were to seek out our employer, no matter what it could cost us. The facility and trainers did not slack on teaching me everything I needed to know, about being a man bred for war. Picking up a small twig, I begin to draw a map of the Capital Wasteland in the hard ground.

I have seen this land so many times, and watched the map on Dezbe's Pip-Boy, that I can recreate it from nothing but my own memory, and images. I create it on a grid, down to scale as perfectly as my rusted mental math allows. The grid allows me to view the Capital Wasteland in near-perfect square miles, which leaves six-hundred and forty acres of land within each one to explore. The Capital Wasteland is roughly sixteen square miles, and within there, hundreds and hundreds of locations as to where Dezbe could be. Carefully, I create points of major settlements, and outline the city. I add Megaton, Vault 101, and all the surrounding landmarks that are important. Each metro tunnel entrance, each large building, everything I can imagine.

When I am complete, I stand to clearly asses the detailed map I have just created. My home is in Megaton, in a one-square mile grid. Assuming Dezbe went straight from our home, she would be places around Vault 101. From there, since 101 is built into a cliff, she can only be ambushed from three sides, as opposed to four. Lighting a cigarette, I carefully calculate everything, and add a line where Tenpenny Tower is. Roy said he would send word, had anyone spotted even a trace of Dezbe, suspicious activity, or anyone for that matter. Roy is a man of his word, and nobody came from Tenpenny, so from the southwest, Dezbe was most likely not attacked.

This leaves the north, and the southeast. To the north is The Pitt, and there are travelers who come from The Pitt almost daily. With word of Dezbe's vanishing reaching The Pitt, there is also no doubt in my mind that Dezbe's attackers also did not arrive from there. Which leaves the southeast. Glancing over the map, all that remains in the southeast are decrepit businesses, and metro entrances. But it is the only direction in which nobody from Megaton, or surrounding settlements would have been notified had there been suspicious activity.

I do not presume anyone from Vault 101 captured Dezbe, either. As she by now would have escaped, and laughed her entire way out. Dezbe is not an easy woman to kidnap, especially now. She would have had to been attacked from behind, in a silent matter. Which would further prove the southeast as the most obvious area of attack. Leaving my home, one is facing north, upwards to The Pitt, and to one's left is Vault 101. Whomever took Dezbe, came from the outskirts of the D.C. ruins. They came fast, and they came silent. Dezbe was perhaps watching the sky, as she does when she needs to clear her head. She could not have seen her attackers creeping from behind, and perhaps did not even hear them, depending on how quiet they were.

Using the small stick, I circle the group of settlements and ruined buildings that rest in the lower right corner of my map. It gives me a direction, one more plausible than others, and one I can at least have some faith in going towards. But it still does not answer my question as to whom took her. So I begin to analyze what buildings are within that area, as to narrow it down even more. Bailey's Crossroads, is where I went for the Anchorage simulation. There is nothing there, as it was sealed as we left it behind. Quietly, I erase it from the map. The Red Racer factory is a known place of feral ghouls, and Super Mutants. Neither of which would kidnap Dez, due to the low intelligence and based on the fact that Super Mutants very rarely venture so close to Megaton.

Crossing off Grayditch, and the fire ants, Sewer Waystation, Hubris Comics, Fall Church, and many others, I find only Alexandria Arms, Mam Dolce's, and Arlington Library. Dezbe and I had just come from the library, only a few nights before her vanishing. There was no one of interest there, and I erase it. I am left then, with Alexandria Arms, and Dolce's. Whom from there, would attack us? There are only feral ghouls in that area, and nothing more. Could I perhaps be wrong, in my analysis? No, that is impossible. I may not be in war any longer, but it does not mean my skills have been compromised. I trust my instincts, and my intelligence. Just because I do not know what resides in these locations, does not mean they are safe. Perhaps a band of Raiders simply overpowered Dez, or caught her by surprise. They have her in one of these areas, either dead or kept alive for an unknown ransom. But, if she remains alive, why not notify someone? If one wants ransom, would one not wish to notify those around them that they have captured an important person? Is it ransom they even want, or revenge?

Revenge seems more plausible, but it leaves to debate as to who wants revenge. As I state before, there are no longer any factions of military or gangs in the Capital Wasteland that would harm Dezbe. Staring at the map, I drag on my cigarette as I concentrate. Mama Dolce's…Mama Dolce's…where have I heard that before? I know that in pre-war it was a food processing center, but why now, does it reemerge in my life? Why is it one of the larger buildings in the area? What in the Capital Wasteland could still be salvageable there?

There are three main parts to the compound; processed food, loading yard, and food distribution. In the center of the building is a courtyard. I catch myself drawing out the layout of Dolce's with a stick. How do I have knowledge of a building, that I never before entered? Dropping the stick, I realize that perhaps, I have the answer. Hidden within my mind, three-hundred and more years of memories are sorted and sifted. I isolate my memories of pre-war, and focus only on that. I know now, more than ever, that this place was mentioned to me before. That before Anchorage, this place was important to my facility. But…why? Why can I not remember? Was I forced to forget? No, even if I was, the memory would have reemerged with the loss of my contract. Just as all my other memories have before. So why is it so difficult for me to remember? And why would Dezbe be kept in such a place?

Sitting down, I rub my temples, in an attempt to remember why I have such a vast working knowledge of this seemingly unimportant place. It has…it once did have an importance. Yes. At the peak of the war, Mama Dolce's was a very important place to my trainers. They were constantly speaking of it, which is why the name is so prevalent in my mind. It was whispered about and muttered in only the most secret areas in the Pentagon during the war. Suddenly, an image of a blueprint, with the layout of Dolce's upon it, flashes in my mind. I remember now, why I know so much of it.

Before my contract was sold, I, along with few others, were to infiltrate this place. Because it was a cover for Chinese operatives. Spies and informants of the like were riddled all over the place. Soldiers and informants, disguised as migrant workers distributed food while having access to places such as the Capitol Building, and the Pentagon. I remember often, seeing a delivery truck for Dolce's on the streets of D.C as I walked with John. It was a clever disguise, but it does not help me now. Though I remember why it was a place of importance, is does not answer the question as to why Dezbe was taken. Yes, in pre-war it was to be invaded, but that was dropped as Anchorage came to light, and the war progressed. It is no longer pre-war, and the Great War has since ended.

Erasing the map from the ground with my hand, I can think of no other reasoning as to why Dezbe would be there. Only that there is a possibility she is. If she is not, someone in that general area will know her whereabouts. Armed with more information than when I began hours ago, I set off in search of Mama Dolce's, all while wondering what could possibly exist there, after so many years.

Raiders, perhaps, more likely than not, settled there. But the Raiders are now more acutely aware than anything, that Megaton and its citizens are not to be fought with. The Brotherhood would not be there, as there are none in this area. With as many informants as I have, someone would have mentioned a sighting of Brotherhood Scribes or Knights. Roy's men ventured close to that area, and reported no unusual activity. Dezbe and I also traveled that way and saw nothing out of the ordinary, either. I cannot imagine what I will find when I get to Dolce's, but I know now that I must approach with upmost caution and discretion. Perhaps it is good, that Dizzy and Cain do not know where I am headed, so that they do not follow. It is not unlike them to do such a thing, either. I do not know what to expect there, but if it is danger, the last thing I wish to worry about is my daughter.

As I near Dolce's, the sun begins to set. I am thankful, because it will be easy to stay hidden during the night. Though I am still unsure of what I could find, I do not wish to take any unnecessary risks. Dezbe may be safe, and not even here at all. Or, this place may be riddled with unknown enemies. There is no certain way of telling, and no way to find out, unless I investigate.


	51. Lilium

(Dezbe)

I've lost track of all time. I've lost weight. I've almost lost hope. I don't know how long I've been here, and I can hardly remember what the sun feels like. All I know, is that they're keeping me alive for something. For what, I don't know, but it's for something. I can't understand what language they're speaking, but sometimes they call me 'American' or spit at me. The one who opens the hole in the door to feed me will sometimes say 'Chinese' with a slur of unknown words mashed in there. I wish I could understand them, or that they could understand me, so then maybe I could tell them this whole thing is probably a big misunderstanding. No matter how many times I try to talk to them, though, it's fruitless. They just yell, and kick or punch me. I don't think they can really understand English, which sucks a whole lot for me.

What I can still remember, though, is how I got here. I went out for a walk, you know to clear my head. The kids were fighting, and it really stressed me out. It sucks to hear your daughter crying, and know that you're not supposed to intervene. So I just wanted to go for a walk. A walk to clear my head. A walk to just…_think_. I don't know what I wanted to think about, that was so damned important it would fuck my night up, but shit, it had better been something good. I wasn't even near Vault 101, when I was knocked over the head, and knocked out.

When I woke up, I was in this weird, pre-war factory. Lord knows what used to go down in this factory, because I certainly don't. But when my vision cleared, and the pounding in my head stopped long enough for me to get a decent look around, I saw that I was in the company of strangely dressed ghouls. I'd never seen a uniform like that before, or anything. It was a greenish gray color, and really war-like. For a minute I thought I was safe, because ghouls are usually really kind to me. Never met a mean one, before my time here. They weren't nice, and screamed at me in a language I'd never heard before. When I told them I didn't understand a damned thing they were saying, they just beat the holy piss out of me. Kept me tied to a chair for a time, I don't know how long, really. Sometimes they'd come and just hit me for no reason. Sometimes they'd try to talk to me, but when I couldn't respond due to the language barrier, they'd hit me. So no matter what, when one came, I'd be hit.

Eventually, they untied me. I did my best to fight them off, but I was so weak and malnourished and injured, that it didn't quite work out as I'd planned. I'd planned to get out, and here I am. Still here. Once they got me down, which wasn't hard to do, they dragged me to this room. There's no light, and I can't hear anything from the outside. I mean, I can, but it's not noises you'd usually hear. Just people walking, or them talking in their language. I can hear when they're coming to feed me, but other than that it's blackness and silence. It gets really cold in here, too. I didn't really leave home prepared for a fight, so I'm shit out of luck there. They took my boots, too. I think because I could use the laces as a weapon, and the boots as one, too. But that's all they took. Charon's shirt and my underwear remain intact, but smelly.

Since I lost track of the days a long time ago, I don't exactly know what day it is, how long I've been here, or if it's day or night. I just know I'm really hungry, really cold, and really in a bad spot. I haven't been here for a short while, I know that much. I think it's been like a month, or longer. Can't really tell. I've been hoping for the day that Charon comes here, but then I remember that he has no idea where I am, or what happened, or who has me. When I realized that, the first time, I panicked.

I should have picked a better time to walk outside. I mean, our marriage wasn't the best when I left, but it wasn't bad, either. We were working on it. But knowing my impulsive nature, and how I go about things, I don't think Charon is looking for me. Pair that with how our marriage was, and I can understand how he'd be able to misinterpret my leaving. But I really, really hope he didn't. The ghouls here don't feed me enough to give me much energy. I mean, going without food for a day or two, maybe three, isn't hard. But they did that to me, made me wait so long for food I swear I was about to die, then they fed me. It was such a small amount, that all it did was give my body enough energy to survive.

That's what they do. They feed me and water me enough to keep me alive, like some sort of plant. If I don't eat, they beat me within an inch of my life, until I do eat. I really have no choice, they are seriously not letting me die. Then again, I really don't want to die, because I still have a lot of shit to do. I have to take care of Dizzy, and make sure she's always safe. I have to tell Charon I love him, and that I still want to be with him, and that I didn't leave because I wanted to. It was more I was knocked out and kidnapped, than leaving because I felt like going off on some adventure all by my lonesome. Sometimes, I chuckle to myself, thinking about how leaving an adventure alone would be a hell of a lot more fun than sitting in this dark room for an undetermined amount of time.

The room isn't comfortable at all. It's about my body length squared. When I lie down, the tip of my head touches one wall, while my feet touch another. It's all concrete, and the floor has a lot of dust and dirt on it. I have a little scrap piece of fabric that I can use either as a shitty blanket, or a shitty pillow, and that's about it. They made it a point to take my Pip-Boy, so I don't even have that to keep me company. When they first saw it, it was like they'd never seen something like that before. I'd never met people, ghouls especially, who didn't know what a Pip-Boy was.

I'm not sure who these people are, or where they came from. All I do know is that they're keeping me here for some reason. I don't know that reason, yet. At first I thought it was maybe some ploy to get information, but the language barrier shot that idea right down. Then I thought maybe they wanted Charon for something, and then realized that not only does Charon have no idea where I am, but these people aren't even from this country. They probably have no idea of who Charon is. For a while I figured I was a hostage, because they wanted something from Megaton, until I realized they were never talking to anyone outside of their own small army. So those are the only reasons I can think of as to why they'd want me, and none of them make sense. I mean, they could want me for some sort of revenge, but I'd never messed with anyone like these people before. I seriously have never, ever, _ever_ seen them in my whole time in the Capital Wasteland. I've thought that maybe they're from New Vegas, and Jasper sent them here to dispose of me. But if that's the case, they'd have to speak or understand some form of English, and they don't. None of them do, not even their leader.

I know he's their leader, because he wears a prettier uniform than the rest of them. It's more clean, and more decorated than anyone else. So, he certainly must be the leader. Plus they all take their orders from him, it seems. I don't know anything else. I wish I did, so I could high-tail it out of here and blow this place to the moon. I haven't figured out how I'm getting out, I just know that when I do, they're going to have hell to pay. You don't mess with someone like me, and not walk away without some serious traumatic injuries. If you even survive, that is.

At least I'm able to stand up in this room. When I have the energy, I do push-ups like Charon taught me how when I was trying to lose weight from having Dizzy. I've gotten really good at it, and my arms are quite toned. I even do curls, like Charon taught me, so my midsection is alright, too. I mean, I'm really malnourished so it's not like I have the strength or energy to really do these things often, but when I can do them, it's like I'm not even in this place. Sometimes, I even run in place, and get my legs in working order and rid myself of the numbing feeling they usually have. Of course I don't let the people who feed me find out I'm doing all this. I want it to be a surprise when an opportunity to escape arises. If I can't do anything else, I can at least stay somewhat in shape. Because right now, I'm really not in the mood to die here. Really.

I've lived through a lot of kidnappings, and a lot of hell. I've lived through rape being in places like this, and attacked with a vengeance. These people don't do that, but shit if they did I wouldn't let that person out alive. The only reason they're able to restrain me half the time is because there's about five of them and one of me. I'm not amazing in those odds. But I swear, the day they let their guard down, I'm going to fuck their shit up. You do not knock me out, kidnap me, keep me near death, and think you're going to walk away into the sunset without a swift ass kicking.

In fact, if by chance Charon does come and find me, I really hope he goes all insane-mercenary-mode on their asses. But I want him to leave some for me, too. I'm not some damsel that always needs Charon's rescuing, only like, half the time. Right now I could use his help, and some Sugar Bombs, and a gun. Then I could _really_ kick some heads in. I'd even kick their heads in with my bare feet, that's how pissed I am about being here. My hair is all nasty, my body feels gross, and I'm starving. I feel like a trapped and weakened Deathclaw right now. Once I get the chance, I'm gonna attack these fuckers like there's no tomorrow. You wouldn't try to tame a Deathclaw, so why the hell are you going to try that shit with me? Guess they didn't get the memo.

Outside my chamber, I hear the footsteps of the person who is probably going to feed me. They have a very distinct and heavy walk. As always, when I hear them, I prepare myself. I mean, today might be the day where they make one mistake. Where they open the door instead of the hole, and give me a window. Or where they stick their hand in just enough for me to grab it. Lucky for me, it's the latter. When I see the light come in from the outside, and that hand slowly sliding in, I make no hesitation to grab it.

Trust me, I hold on, too. Holding it, I break as many fingers at I can. With my feet against the door, and their hand in mine, I pull their whole arm through. The ghoul on the other end screams in his language for his friends, but they're not coming fast enough. I break his fingers, and twist his hand all the way around until I feel and hear the bones popping. When I feel people trying to pull him back, I bite that bastard. I dig my teeth right into his arm and I do not let go. What ends up happening is he loses a decent chunk of his forearm. I wait to see if they're going to open the door to have someone come in and beat the piss out of me, but oddly, nobody does. I bet it's another one of those psychological mind fucks, and decide not to worry about it. But I keep my guard up. I can hear the guy who feeds me flipping out to his friends around them. I really snapped his hand good, too. That fucker won't be using it for a while, even if he had radiation. Made goddamn sure of that.

It's the first time I really attacked someone since I've been here. Really, I never got an ample chance to. I've always been surrounded, and they've never stuck their hand in so far. I guess they think I'm wasting away in here. In which case, they wouldn't be wrong, but I'm tougher than that. I'm not about to give up all hope and curl up and die slowly like they want. No. If they're keeping me here, they're going to get injured. I don't care if I can only hurt one of them every six months, as long as I get to.

Even still, I'm hoping Charon comes here soon. Or someone at least tries to explore the area. Even if they did, though, I have a feeling I'd have no idea of it. I don't know where this room is located, but it can't be somewhere out in the open. I don't expect a New Vegas Strip-like sign with flashing lights saying DEZ IS HERE over this room. It's probably disguised as some sort of storage closet or something. In which case, whomever finds this place, wherever and whatever it is, better have a shit load of curiosity. I want them opening every door and overturning every chair. Just so they can find me and I can scoot my ass back to Megaton, and tell on them.

Yes. I am going to tell on them. I am going to get out of here, kill one or two if I can, and go tell. Go and tell like a brat child, to Charon. And he's going to get pissed, and they're going to _really_ get their asses handed to them. If you think I'm a fierce bitch, you've obviously never met my husband. A six-foot-seven, two-hundred and ninety-five pound ghoul, that's without armor, who is trained to kill six men from Sunday, isn't who you want to mess with. And they just kidnapped his wife. That makes me really believe they have no idea as to what they've just done. Charon's really sick, too. He'll think of so many ways to keep them just alive enough to feel a bunch of pain before killing them. Or that could be my insanity slipping away, and I'm just projecting Charon as a homicidal maniac. Though in this situation, he should be. I wouldn't mind waterboarding these bastards given the chance. Just because. No reason, other than the fact that you know, they've kidnapped me and kept me here against my will. But other than that they seem fine. Good, upstanding men of unknown origin. And with that, I've also decided I'm going to fly. Because neither of those things are possible.

Once again, I hear footsteps and loud talking outside my door. I listen, and hear as they grow closer. There's two voices, one being my feeder, and another unknown person man thing. Soon, the hole opens up, and I see an eye peering through. Now every muscle in my body wants to jab him right in that eye of his, and gouge it out. But, if I do that, my arm can be grabbed, and I really don't want to hurt myself. Without radiation, healing from these wounds is a bitch. I genuinely believe I have an infection, since the cut on my stomach is oozing smelly shit.

While the ghoul peers in, I peer, out, and he knows I'm watching. I can see it in his eye. He knows that I want to hurt him. That I'm expecting him. He doesn't say anything to me, but instead closes the hole, and says something to the man who feeds me. I really wish I could understand them. After that, though, they walk away and nothing more happens. Why did he want to see me? That's odd, but I chalk it up to nothing to worry about. In the dark, I feel around my body. Since I can't see, and even if could I'd have no mirror, I need to feel to see how my wounds are healing. The swelling in my lip seems to have gone down, but my left eye socket is still sore, and tender to the touch. My ribs hurt with each breath I take, and my exercise routines don't exactly help that. I know a few of them are broken. Luckily none of them punctured my lung, or I'd have died a really shitty death for me. I always wanted to die in some awesome explosion. Not something like this, where I have zero control over the situation. At least if I died in an explosion, it would be me who had planted the bombs in the first place.

As much as I want Charon to come here guns blazing and know exactly where I am, I have a feeling he's thinking I'm long gone. That I left real fast and have no intention of coming back because I am a selfish bitch. I may be a selfish bitch, but I'm the kind of selfish bitch who would keep the house and make him leave. Or tell him that I'm leaving and force him to watch me go. I do not just sneak off and leave somewhere. That's fucking stupid. But it's definitely something everyone can accuse me of doing without a second thought. Even Dizzy, because she knows how I work. I really wish I had some freaky twin sense with Charon, like Cain does. That'd make telling him where I was that much more easier. At least I could sense when he was coming.

Oddly enough, though, those ghouls didn't take the ring Charon gave me. I would assume since it's made of some cool jewel, that they'd want it. At don't get me wrong, those bastards saw it. It's really hard to miss, considering how much it shines. They were really curious about it, and when they tried to take it I nearly tore off a ghoul's face with my teeth. So after that they didn't bother. I guess it's because they have to get too close to me. Then again, they could just knock me out and take it. I'm not sure what their reasoning is to letting me keep it, but I'm pretty sure it's to remind me that I was a free person at one point. Or some bullshit like that.

Looking down at my left hand, I notice that my ring has been glowing a bit brighter. Before I couldn't see it on my hand, and now it's emitting some sort of red, eerie glow. Like a really, really, really dim Pip-Boy light. It's not bright enough to use as an actual light, but it's bright enough to where I notice it. If that makes any sense whatsoever. I have no idea why it's glowing like this, but I hope it's something good, and not about to rot my finger off. It doesn't feel any different, not warmer or colder, but it just glows. To think about it keeps my mind occupied, and I get to think of other things than how I'm going to really torture my captives out there.

There's no doubt in my mind that I'm getting out of this place. Not because I know for sure I'm going to escape, but because I won't let myself succumb to the thought of dying here. Look, I even used a new word. That's a big feat for me right now. It's a lot easier to keep up hope that's I'm going to get of here, and wake up, than it is to resign myself to dying here, and wake up. Waking up is incredibly difficult to do, when you're as sickly and malnourished as I am. Never thought waking up from a sleep would be something I'd appreciate, but I do. Because it means there's another twelve hours or so I can survive in this place, and wait for a chance to bolt. And tell on them. I'm going to tell on them, don't forget that.

While I stare at my ring, toying with it, I hear the sounds of people rushing past my door. If they're running like that, it means my door isn't hidden in some room. It means that it's near some entranceway, or in a main hall. Good news for me, I guess, because that means this room won't be too hard to find. I hear a group of footsteps run past, and then I hear a bunch of other-language yelling. What they're yelling about I don't know, but I really hope it's because someone is venturing around this place. Because I could really use some Sugar Bombs, like I said before. A bottle of radiation, and Sugar Bombs is all I want. That's it. And that's not a hard request. But when you're stuck in a room like this, it really is.

Soon I don't hear the feet running, and it gets really eerily quiet. Like someone did something, and everyone is waiting to see the others' reaction to it. Usually there's someone walking around, all the time. I have no way of telling the time, but whenever I wake up I hear them, and whenever I'm nodding off I hear them. Sometimes, I'm even woken by them. It's all I really hear, anyways. I'm so used to the silence, that I really am missing the slight noise of Megaton at night. You know, when people would be heading home from the bars, being all rowdy and whatnot. It's funny, the things you miss, when you're away from home. What I miss most, though, is being near my family. Hearing Dizzy laughing with Cain, and doing her little radiation experiments. Listening to Charon's gruff voice as he tells people what to do, and falling asleep to the sound of his soft and quiet snores in the moonlight. I miss Gob and Zack, and hearing Gob's silly fits, while Zack laughs at him. When I get out of here, I should really tell everyone just how much they mean to me. So then, they'd always know.


	52. War Never Changes

(Charon)

It is night, and I creep along the exterior walls of Mama Dolce's. Silently, I stand in the shadows, watching the ghouls who monitor the building. They wear filthy Chinese jumpsuits, dark green, as to blend in easier against the night sky. Never, would I have thought that they still existed. After the bombs fell, it never occurred to me that I may once again encounter those I was trained to fight against. From listening in on their conversations, I learned that they believe the Great War presses on. That they speak no English, and that they do in fact, have someone they are holding captor. Only referring to them as 'the American', I have no way of knowing if it is Dezbe, but chances are it is. Why they would want her confuses me, but I suppose there is a reason behind it. Or perhaps, they captured her by pure chance. In which case, they do not know the mistake they have just made.

People often believe if one does not use a language, then that language is soon forgotten. For many, that is true. However, many were not trained in the way I once was. To forget is to fail, and to fail is unacceptable. Centuries past, and I can still remember everything I was taught. It is both a gift, and a curse. At this moment, I chalk it up to being a gift, as I can clearly understand these men, and will have no problem telling them what I seek, in case of my capture.

I do not plan on getting captured. One must always, though, think of every possibility when in this situation. I am prepared for whatever may come, but instead of running in shooting like Dezbe would, I stay silent. In the facility, I scored highest in stealth training, which came as a shock to my trainers, due to my large size. I have never been able to successfully stay undercover, since Dezbe seems incapable of listening and staying within the shadows. Now, I do not have her alongside me, and can infiltrate as I wish. In addition to that, I am unsure of how many Chinese remnant soldiers there are here. It could be five, it could be twenty-five. There is no way for me to know for sure. By remaining silent, and unseen, I will be able to take them out one by one, quiet, and quick.

My garrote wire remains in my pocket, ready to be used at a second's notice. I say that, because out here moments are rare, and precious. You often do not have them. These ghouls truly believe that the Great War is still ongoing, and that the People's Republic of China is going to soon send them word on what to do next. I cannot imagine being so stuck in their ways, that they still believe something as inane as that. And yet, I too, was like them. These men must be highly trained, to be sent to America in a time of nuclear warfare, and remain undercover. I suspect perhaps they were trained in a similar matter to myself. In which case, I must proceed with extreme caution, though I know I am unmatched. My height alone grants me the upper hand, but I am on their turf. I do not know their numbers. I do not know if they are expecting me, or if they simply believe they caught a stray Wastelander. These men are without emotion, something that could possibly hinder my mission, if it is in fact Dezbe they have. They could use her as leverage against me, and unlike them, I would have to obey. They are without emotions, and do not care for the life of an American. I must waste no more time.

As I watch from behind an old truck, I notice in the loading yard a lone guard. His two companions went back inside, as to rest up until their next shift. The center of the court is lit by the moon. If you have never lived in the Capital Wasteland, then you do not understand how bright it can be. My only hope at keeping to the shadows, is to remain against the brick wall. Silently, I make sure to not step on loose dirt, as I quickly make my way to the outer wall that lines the loading yard. Leaving my pack behind, since it was too heavy and would cause unnecessary weight, I have kept with me only what I need. Three frag grenades clipped to my belt, my own gun, combat knife, and wire. There was no more room on my person for Dezbe's gun, and if it is not her they have, I did not want to risk the extra noise.

Slowly, I creep closer and closer to the guard. He seems to suspect something, and before he can shine a light in my area, I pull myself up a rusty pipe. The soldier shines his light right where I was standing. It proves my hypothesis that these men were trained as I was, as I crouch atop the pipe, making no noise and keeping my breathing steady. They may be trained in similar ways, but I have endured far more than they have. I have excelled at everything my trainers threw at me. I was the best of the best, and I have learned how to live without the brainwashing. That, will hopefully be an advantage to me, and not my downfall.

As the soldier clicks his light off, I decide to not use the ground any longer. Instead I follow the pipes towards him, using a monkey-crawl across the pipes that lead towards the roof. It brings me just above him, and I time my fall just right. He marches back and forth, in a trained and rhythmic way. Just as he goes to walk right below me, I take my garrote wire from my pocket, and let go of the pipe.

I land on him, my knee to his back, so that I may fall with displaced weight instead of risking breaking my ankles. Before he can scream for help, I wrap my double-looped garrote wire over his neck. As he tries to loosen one loop, it tightens the other. Pulling it tightly, I make sure his death is silent, and swift. I cannot risk being spotted by anyone else.

In the facility, they requested we take the identity of our enemy. However, they did not account for my unusual height and weight. These uniforms would not fit me, nor would I blend in with the short-stature ghouls. Instead, I drag the soldier's body into the shadows. With my ear against the door, I listen for any sounds on the other side. When I deem it silent, I open the door quickly, and rush in. Opening a door slowly leaves too much room for noise, and a window to be spotted. We were taught to be swift and silent. Leave no trace, and walk softly. It is not hard for me to find a shadowy place within the factory, as catwalks and machines provide ample shadows and cover. I walk into a large, open room. There are two adjoining wings both to my left, and right. But right now, this seems to be the most populated. Five of them walk along, talking, and asking about fellow soldiers, and if they have heard from the People's Republic of China.

Before I can assess the situation further, I hear a noise behind me, and quickly turn around. Movement in the shadow tells me I am not alone, and I clutch my wire in my hand tightly.

"Here! An intruder!"

The soldier yells in Chinese, before I grab him. He blew my cover, slightly. I have time to hide elsewhere, while the other soldiers make their way towards me. Without wasting time with the garrote wire, I take hold of my enemy's head, and snap his neck. What's so easy about that, is they are perhaps half my size. The Chinese were never known for their height, anyways. Small men, have small bones. Small bones are easy to snap, when one knows how.

As his fellow soldiers creep towards, I take cover beneath one of the machines. It is difficult to fit my large body under a machine made for someone the size of Dizzy when she was fourteen, but I adapt and manage. I watch, as their feet pace back and forth in front of me, asking one another where their comrade is. I look at his dead body beside me, as I reach into my boot. Their uniforms are old, and unkempt. They are old and worn with time, and with no knowledge to repair them, I doubt the fabric and leather will prove a challenge to my combat knife.

Patiently, I wait until there is only one set of feet remaining. Only one solider left in this area, while the rest scour the plant. Reaching out, I grab his ankles, and slice the Achilles'. Blood seeps onto the concrete floor, making it easier to slide from beneath the machine. The Chinese soldier knows better than to risk his other men, and scream. He looks at me, with defiant eyes, telling me that he will never surrender. Bending down, I press my knife to his neck. The Chinese may never surrender, but I am not asking him to. He is going to die either way.

"Where is the American?"

I hiss to him, and see his eyes widen, as he realizes I can speak, and understand, his native tongue.

"What importance is it to you?"

If they believe the war is still ongoing, than I will not burst their small party.

"The Pentad Strike Team demands the American's location."

It is a name that I have not spoken in over two-hundred years. A name not even Dezbe herself knows. A name, that I have refused to speak, in fear of giving it life once more. The name of the facility that trained me. The Pentad Strike Team, a team of five men, trained in the most brutal ways, within the walls and underground of the Pentagon, to become the contract mercenaries that the Capital Wasteland is so familiar with. Only five, because in my class of over two-hundred, five of us remained by the end. Together, we infiltrated Anchorage. Together, we were specialized in different areas. We were unstoppable, and China had a fear towards us that was comparable to none. I see still, as I look into the soldier's eyes, that the Pentad Strike force still terrifies and dominates their life.

"I will not speak to the likes of you!"

I narrow my eyes at him, knowing time is against me.

"Then you shall die a death worse than a dog's."

It is brutal, but I do not care. I slice his throat, and break his knees and hands. He cannot move, nor can he cry for help. I place him beneath the machine, watching him for a moment, as he waits and struggles for death. His life runs through his fingers like sand, and he knows, this is the end of a three-hundred year war. He cannot cry for help, and he does not understand why the American is so important to the now-dead Pentad Strike Team. Bending down, I whisper in his ear.

"That American, is my wife."

His eyes widen, and it tells me that they do, in fact, have Dezbe. Had they not captured a woman, he would not have looked at me with such knowing fear. A knowing fear that they took one of the most feared and respected secret military operation's wife. Though I am now the last, it does not matter. They fear me just the same, and fear me they should.

Walking away from the machine, I continue to stay hidden. Above me, a soldier spots the blood leaking from beneath the machine. I purposely left him there. As a sign, to all in the factory. To those I can see, and those I cannot. It tells them I am here, and I will kill them all if I must. Without hesitation. Noise of rushing footsteps fills my ears, as I duck behind barrels of unknown material. The soldiers, five of them, head towards their fallen comrade. I have killed three, and will decimate any others who stand in my way, or withhold information.

Quietly, as they argue and try to make a plan, I creep around them. Most of them seem to come from the second floor, and where there are dense numbers of soldiers, there is something to protect. Something to guard, and keep an eye on. I can only assume, Dezbe is held up there. Somewhere, where she may not be able to notice that I have arrived, or she would be fighting as well. If any harm has come to her, I will use their own tortures against them. Wooden splinters beneath their nails, waterboarding, standing atop a thin rail, with only a noose around their neck. Anything I can think of, anything I was trained to resist under, they will fall victim to. They took my wife, and held her here for a month. They kidnapped her from the safety of Megaton, and I will make sure, that they can slowly see their own life leaving them. As if they watch an hour glass. I will implement every form of inhumane torture I can remember, and even more than that.

I cannot reach the second floor without being spotted. My anger and determination has now reached critical levels, as I think of the horrors they may have put Dezbe through. Taking my gun from my back, I now prepare for an all-out assault. With most of them seemingly at the machine, I make my way to the staircase that will lead me upwards. The noise from my movements catches their attention, and the soldiers aim their guns at me.

"American!"

They hiss and yell. Unclipping a grenade from my waist, I pull the pin and toss it down beside them. Knowing what I have tossed, the soldiers scatter, but some are caught in the explosion. As I continue upwards, I hear the cries and screams of their pain echoing through the facility. For a moment, I think I am free. I think I can reach the floor which Dezbe is held on, and get to her without further bloodshed. But I am wrong.

"Stop!"

I come face-to-face with a Chinese captain. His uniform and decorations give away his title, as I raise my gun to him.

"Where is the American woman?"

I ask him in Chinese, pushing the barrel of my gun closer to him. He does not seem afraid, and raises his hand. Signaling to hidden soldiers, they listen to their captain, and I am surrounded. Outnumbered, I make the quick decision to drop my weapon. But I am not going to surrender. I am outnumbered, but not outwitted.

"What does one lone American matter, to the Pentad Strike Team?"

He recognizes my armor. Looking around subtly, I see there is a small window of escape, and behind the captain, a door. Steel, rusted, and thick. There is a hole carved into it. It is a cell. That, must be where they are keeping Dezbe.

"That is none of your concern. Release the woman, and we shall have no further disputes."

The captain knows he cannot talk with his soldiers, since I can speak his language. He wishes to, I can see by the look in his eye. He wishes to know what business I have with Dez. But letting him know her relation to me will only put her in further danger, and harm.

"What business does she have with the Strike Team?"

He demands again, his voice growing louder. Tired of this pointless and pathetic interrogation, I see that window of escape, and take it. Snatching the gun from the soldier to my left, I effortlessly tear it from my hands, and bludgeon the others to the ground. As the captain fumbles for his pistol, I toss him to the ground, and march towards the door. Throwing it open, I see a small room, with no windows, and thick concrete walls. In the corner, Dezbe hisses as the artificial light stings her eyes.

"Dezbe…"

I say, noticing quickly her starved appearance. With her eyes closed tightly, she reaches towards me, hands spread.

"Charon…? Charon is that you, or am I dead?"

"No, no it is me. Quickly, we must…"

Before I can utter another word, I feel the tearing sensation of a bullet. Looking down, there is a large exit wound on my stomach, as blood begins to seep out. Behind me, laughter from the Chinese captain, as he pushes me to my knees, and slams the door behind me.


	53. Such Sweet Sorrow

(Dezbe)

"Charon!"

I don't need to see, to know that Charon's been shot. I'm still trying to figure out how he found me, but that can be asked later. As soon as I hear that door slam, I open my eyes. I didn't expect the pain from the lit factory to be that bad. But I guess when you're in darkness for so long, light can be a painful thing. Reaching out, I feel the ground for Charon. It isn't hard to find him, in such a small room. When my hand does reach him, the first thing I feel is the warm blood coming from his wound.

"Charon…Charon…"

He coughs, and beneath my hand I feel him move. As my eyes adjust, I can see that it's really, truly him. That he did come for me, and he's here. Pushing himself against the wall, Charon sits up, his hands covering the exit wound.

"…Dez…are you…alright?"

My ring glows so bright it acts as a dim flashlight. It illuminates Charon's face in red, as I cup his cheeks, tears streaming fast down my face.

"I'm alright, Charon. You're hurt…you're shot…oh, Charon."

His hand fumbles to find mine, and even in this dim light, I can see his eyes darting back and forth. If he can't focus on anything…then that's not a good sign. His breathing grows stiff, and heavy, as his hand clasps mine.

"It is…nothing…Dez…"

"Charon! You keep those eyes open, okay? Okay? Give me a minute, okay?"

Tearing off his shirt, I press it onto his wound. You have to apply pressure, right? That's what he taught me. To apply pressure to the wound to prevent it from bleeding. That's how you fix things like this. Pressure and time, that's all.

"Look, see? You'll be alright."

He finds my hands as I press harder on his wound. I start to shake, in this room with him, with the only shred of light being the red glow that emits from my ring. Beneath his armor, I notice another red glow. Reaching up, I pull out a necklace. Inside, are red shards. I assume they're from my ring, when he was carving it. It just makes me sadder.

"…They glow…when close…"

Yeah, it seems like that, doesn't it, Charon? Letting the vile fall from my hands, and back onto his chest, I shake my head at him.

"We have to get out of here, you know. We're going to get out of here in one piece, and we're going to get home, and we're gonna be alright. Just you watch and see."

Looking into his unfocused eyes, I try to ignore his breathing. It gets more and more shallow, and it's scaring me. Taking his hand, I place it against my cheek, and close my eyes. I don't know how he found me. I don't know how he spoke to the guards, but really, I don't care. Because what matters is that he's here now, and that we're together.

"Dez…"

"We're together now, Charon. We'll be alright."

I tell myself, even though reality is trying to prove me wrong. I won't let it, though. I won't let it prove me wrong.

"I have…to tell you…"

"Don't you do that! Don't you…don't you say your goodbyes. Not yet…not yet…"

How can I do it, without Charon by my side? Would I even know how? He's been with me, for forty years. My best friend, my lover, my boyfriend and now my husband. Would I even know how to live a life without him in it? I don't even feel my hunger pains, as I try to get him to hold on. If he can just hang in there, a little bit longer, than I won't have to worry. I can get out, and search for some radiation, or something.

It's a bad wound. Blood soaks his shirt, and drips onto the floor. It's not something he could have prevented, either. His back was turned, his guard was down. That moment of escape that I'd been waiting so patiently for was missed. By some stupid light. By a factor I never took into play. I mean, how was I supposed to think of that? I should have, but I didn't. And not only did I miss my shot, but I distracted Charon, and got us both stuck in here. Sobbing, I grip his hand, and bring my knees to my chin. Who is going to be there, when the skies turn gray? When I get lonely? Who is going to be my other half? I don't want to accept reality, but reality is forcing itself upon me.

"…I am…glad that…we met…"

Shaking my head, I sniff my nose, and glare at him.

"You're not saying goodbye, Charon…not yet…You can't give up! You can't! That's a failure, and you don't fail! Look at me!"

Without thinking, I grab his head and look into his eyes. His face contorts in pain, as his eyes fail to focus on anything. It just solidifies the fact that Charon is losing a lot of blood, and might not be around for much longer. But he can't die like this. In this room, by some stupid ghouls on a power trip. He can't die here, we haven't even gotten out. We haven't gotten home, to see Dizzy and Cain. We have to get back to them, because they need us still. He can't die here, because I need him. Because I need him in more ways than he knows. He's my best friend. I've lost too much in my life out here, to lose him now.

"Dez…come…here…"

Slowly, and painfully, Charon pulls me into him. He holds me as best he can, with my head resting in the crook of his neck. He tries to talk, but I won't let him.

"You speak too much, Charon."

I say, through sobs of pain and fear. I don't want him to tell me he loves me. I don't want to hear it, because then he's not going to come back. Because once he tells me that he loves me, he's going to let go. And he can't let go. Mercenaries, men, like Charon, do not let go. They stay really strong, all the time, and they don't give up. I have no radiation, or medical supplies. All I had to offer him was his own shirt, which didn't work as well as I was hoping. I at least wanted to stop the bleeding. Stop him from losing any more blood. At least then he'd have a chance. Maybe not a big chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Soon, I feel the strength in his arms falling. I feel them slipping away from me. In a desperate and pitiful attempt to keep him with me, I hold his arms up. But it doesn't work. It doesn't work, as I feel them grow heavy, and hear his breathing stop. Looking up, using my ring as a light, I see that his eyes are closed. Blood stains his mouth, and I realize that even if I did stop his wound from bleeding, there's still internal injuries that I have no tools to fix.

"Charon…?"

I whisper, but get no response. My heart beats faster in my chest, as I pull myself up to my knees.

"Charon…wake up, you gotta wake up now…this isn't funny."

I shake him, and his limp body moves with my motions. There's no resistance, and there's no words, but I keep trying.

"Come on, you gotta wake up. Things…things will be alright. Just open your eyes, please?"

When I get no response, I lose control. I guess being stuck in here, and now this, kind of makes me a little crazy. Lifting my hands, I bring them down hard on his chest. I hit him as hard as I can, in a primitive attempt at CPR.

"It's an order! Wake up! I order you to wake up!"

But he doesn't wake up. Charon just lays there, lifeless, and limp. And soon, I just rest my head on top of his chest, and cry. In the back of my mind, a voice I haven't heard since I was nineteen, tells me that I have to kill them. That I have to kill every single ghoul in this place, if it's the last thing I ever do.


	54. Beatrice

_I'm open to constructive criticism. In fact, I welcome it in order to further better my writing. However, if you're going to make guest accounts to swear at me, or debate my chapter length, or generally be insulting and abusive, I'm just going to delete your review. I do not write for the pleasure of the masses, but because I have come to really enjoy these characters in this world, and because it makes Vault108 happy._

_I do not have a gun to your head forcing you to read what I have written. I do not go about my life, thinking of ways to get more people to read my works. This is an open forum, and I can post whatever I may, at whatever lengths I may. So to save me the extra five minutes it takes to delete your guest account review, just move along._

_There are stories worse than mine here to review in such a manner._

_Thank you,_

_izzum._

* * *

(Charon)

I open my eyes, to see a light blue sky. Large, white clouds pass above me, slowly in the warm breeze. There is no pain on my body. I feel healthy, and young, as I once did long ago. Have I died, or am I only dreaming? Carefully, I stand, and view my surroundings. I stand in a field of lush green grass. The kind that I have no walked in, since before the Great War. It is long, to my knees, and drifts in the wind. There seems to be nothing for miles, except for a lone willow tree. The same one in my dream. The dream I would have decades ago, where Dezbe and I would meet beneath. Glancing down at my hands, I see that I am still a ghoul. If this perhaps, is where I am meant to go when I die, then why am I not human? Why am I still wearing my armor, and in ghoul form?

Lifting my gaze once more, I try to see if there is something on the horizon. Something that will give me a clue, as to where I am, and how I came to be here. Yet, nothing. Nothing, except green grass, for miles upon miles. It is beautiful, calm, and peaceful. I have never felt such contentment in my life. I look down at myself, to see that I am still injured. But there is no blood, and there is no pain. Am I living, still? If I am dead, then where is Dezbe? Should she not be here with me as well? If this is my heaven, then why is she not here?

"Dezbe!"

I call her name, and my voice echoes for miles and miles. Waiting in silence, I hear no response, and nobody appears. Is this instead, my hell? To be forever damned to wander this land alone? No, it cannot be. Despite the peace and beauty, wandering this world is not what I want my eternal life to be. Never, did I believe in places like this. That there was a heaven, or hell. Was I wrong? I do not know. And yet, I do not panic. Something keeps me calm, as I walk towards the large willow tree. Something, keeps me from running, and keeps me here.

Getting nearer to the tree, I stop, and once more look at my surroundings. I see flowers, wildflowers, blossoming in the sunlight. White and yellow ones. Daisies. They would grow abundant, in the fields before the war. Young lovers would pick them, and offer them to each other as gifts of love. But if Dezbe is not here, then why do these flowers bloom? Reaching behind me, I find that my gun is also missing. This cannot be heaven, I am without the things that matter most. I seem to have come here, with only the clothing on my back, and the injury I sustained in Mama Dolce's. But why? Why am I here, alone? Why am I here at all? What is it that I missed? What is it, that I did so wrong in my life, that I would be condemned to this?

Looking around once more, I see a figure walking towards me. It is as if they appeared from nowhere. For a moment, I think it is Dezbe, and take long strides to meet them. Instead, I find that this person is not Dezbe. This woman, I notice as they draw near, has long, silky blonde hair. It blows in the gentle breeze. Blonde hair, and milky white skin. Not Dezbe. The opposite, of my wife. I have never before seen this woman, as she draws close enough for me to make out her face. Her eyes are almond shaped, with an oval face. High cheekbones, and pink cheeks. She has a soft chin, and a sharp nose. One not too long, but not small, like Dezbe's.

Her curves are not as defined as Dez's are. She is short, and walks with elegance that is lost on the women of the Capital Wasteland. She is dressed, in nothing but a white dress. One women would wear in pre-war times, that covered their shoulders, and collared their neck. A simple spring dress, and nothing more.

"Who are you?"

I ask, defensive and angry, as the woman stands a yard from me. I look into her blue eyes. I sense a familiarity in them. As if I have seen them somewhere before, but where? I am lost, alone, and confused. I am not where I need to be, and somewhere, Dezbe needs me. I can feel her pain, and hear her crying for me. I am in this world, a world unknown to the living. But can I be sure of my death? The gunshot was severe, but was it enough to kill someone like me? It must have been, or I am having a dream at the most inappropriate of times.

"There's no need to be afraid, Charon. You're not alone anymore."

"How do you know my name? Who are you?"

I demand again. This woman speaks with a soft, and tender voice. Inside of me, feelings of want, and warmth arise. Not the want of a sexual kind, but a tender, and caring want. A want to be held, and comforted by this strange woman. But again, why? I have so many questions, and no answers.

"Charon, there is no need, to be so afraid here. You are safe."

Safe? A moment ago I was being attacked by ghouls who believed the war still raged on. Now I find myself in a place more beautiful than anything I have ever seen, even in pre-war. And this strange woman, tells me that in the midst of my confusion, that I am safe? Staring into her eyes, I make no movement. I make no sound, as I try to remember, where I have seen those eyes before. Where I have seen the way her eyebrows arch, and where I recognize her voice from.

"You…are much like your father used to be."

I stare at her, hearing her words, but not the meaning. My heart begins to beat rapidly, as her eyes do not falter from my intimidation. She stands up to me, confident, and soft. I soon realize, that the eyes I look into, are my own.

"Are you…claiming to be my mother?"

She folds her arms, in the same manner that I myself do. I mimic her, out of curiousness, and nervousness. I cannot trust this woman. I do not know where I am. All of this, could be an elaborate trick of some sorts. A failsafe from my own mind, to preserve me in some way that I never knew existed.

"I'm not claiming, Charon. I am."

"Then why do you not call me by my birth name?"

She waves her hand at me, dismissing my question as if it were nonsense.

"Oh, you were never a 'Morten', Charon. I must say, the one thing that facility did right, was pick an accurate name. Albeit a female name…"

"My name is of the-"

"I know, Charon. I know. You don't have to tell me. But I still find it quite silly, that people mispronounce it."

She giggles, and I stare at this woman. This cannot be my mother. My mother would not be so calm, and childish. Not be so quick to forgive me for what I have done. My mother is long dead. How could she stand in front of me now?

"You are not my mother."

"Oh, what makes you so smart?'

That sarcasm reminds me of Dezbe. I snarl, keeping my arms folded.

"Because I was ordered to kill my family. They all died at my own hand and doing."

The woman laughs, and shakes her head. Running her fingers through her long, and silky hair, she pays more attention to it than me.

"That may be, but you know moms. They tend to forgive their children. Especially when said child didn't know any better."

"Then where is my father?"

"He will only come, if you wish to see him. This is not my heaven, Charon. This is your own. You see, whom you desire to see."

I shake my head, looking for some cigarettes. Surprisingly, I find some, along with a lighter, in my pocket. I light one, getting a disapproving look from this insane woman in front of me. We may have the same eyes, but she cannot be my mother. I refuse to accept that.

"I desire to see Dezbe."

"It isn't her time to be here. You can see her, though, if you wish."

"Show me."

Shaking her head, the woman mutters that I may not like what I see. But she fulfills my request. Waving her arm, a clear pool of water appears at her feet. Suspiciously, I look into it, as she steps closer, to look with me. What appears in front of me, breaks my heart. Within the still water, I see small dark room, lit only by a faint red glow. Inside the room, the room I was shot in, is Dezbe. She crouches in front of my own body, crying, muttering our song to herself. I lie, motionless, with my back against the wall, and no life appearing in my body. I died in that room. I died, before I could save her. I died…and I left Dezbe alone.

"This…cannot be. I do not wish to see this any longer!"

Turning my back, I try to withhold all these emotions. I am dead. This is my heaven, and back somewhere on Earth, is Dezbe. Alone and abandoned, with nobody there for her. Those soldiers will kill her in due time, she has little to no hope on her own. She needs me.

"I need to get back there!"

I yell, turning to the woman. She does not seem affected by any of this, and shakes her head.

"You can't."

"What do you mean 'you can't'? Explain yourself?"

"Temper, temper…just like your father. Ugh. Even that hair…Charon, look. You can't go back. You're dead. This is your home now, and Dezbe will come here on her own accord."

It is not just Dezbe I am leaving behind, but a daughter. I glare at this woman, whilst I smoke my cigarette. She places her hand on my arm, and motions for me to sit. What choice do I have? If I truly am dead, then perhaps…perhaps this is my mother. But…I never wished to see her. I never thought of her, save for when Dezbe would ask. Even then, it was rare, and infrequent. Why is she here now?

"…I never wished to see you. Why are you here?"

She begins to examine my wound, my armor, my hands and my face. It is annoying, but I allow her to. With each new small discovery of my exterior, she smiles as if she is remembering something sweet from her past. When she is finished, she stands, and offers me her hand.

"Walk with me, and I'll answer all your questions."

I have no choice. I take her hand, and allow her to hold my own, as she walks alongside me in these soft fields of grass.

"Here, Charon, there is no conception of time. This is your heaven, but all heavens, abide by the same rules. We are placed where we are happiest. In your case, a field in springtime. We have no desire to eat, or feelings of discomfort. When we arrive, we see those who we miss most. Despite if we missed them in our waking life or not. The fact that you are feeling discomfort and unhappiness while here, is unusual. But I was brought here, away from my own husband, because your desire to meet me was so great. Are you following?"

"You remind me of my wife…"

"I thought the same thing, when you two met. Yes, Charon, I can see you. We can see whatever you want, as you can tell. So when I got here, I watched you. I've always been watching you."

I shift uneasily and let my hand slide from hers. We cease walking, and she smiles up at me. I try to ignore that her eyes, are my own, as well. And her eyebrows arch in the same way as mine, and her body language and mannerisms mirror my own. Small things, that one can only seem to inherit.

"…If all of this is true… then you must know of Dizzy. And of my life, up until this point."

"I do. As does your father. You're a lot more like him than you know. It's almost scary. Both of you are very serious, and can't seem to take a joke. But…when it counts…you're amazing, and kind, and soft. Tender, and warm, and a safe place for those you love. You have his height, and his strength. His hair, and his powerful jaw."

"Why can I not see him?"

"Because you truly do not desire to. It was only me, that you wished to see."

"I do not understand any of this."

I throw my cigarette into the field, and run my hands over my face. Upon my arm, I feel this woman's soft touch. Looking down at her, I see that she is shorter than Dezbe by perhaps a foot. So small. She is small enough for me to lift with no effort. She is graceful, and delicate. She reminds me of those glass dolls, rich children would carry with pride around the city.

"Charon…it's alright. Come here, let me show you…"

She reaches up to me, and I bend down. Her arms wrap around my shoulders, as she presses my face into the nape of her neck. As her hands touch the back of my head, my mind is flooded with images. Imagines not my own. I see life in snippets, through her eyes. Taking place in pre-war, in a country not America. I see her meeting my father as he worked in a neighboring farm. A pig had gotten loose, and he had helped her catch it. Together, they ran and laughed. My father…looks identical to Cain. Identical to what my human form would be, only, his eyes are deep brown, and his brow bone is heavier than my own. I see my mother holding a child, myself, and both of them unknowing what to do, as they travel to America on a barge. I hear my mother's cries, as she leaves me in the orphanage, and hear her promise to come back for me one day.

Pushing her off, I cannot see anymore. I know what happens next. She returns to that place, and demands to know my whereabouts. She persists, and fights, until I am ordered to kill her, and my father. Falling in the grass, fresh tears well in my eyes, as I stare at this woman. I stare at her, and see that she too, is crying. She opens her arms to me, and runs. Her body hits my own, and she clings to my neck, crying. I do not know what to do, or how to react. I sit, letting her cry, and trying myself to keep the tears back.

"I've waited so long to meet you, my son…"

Nervously, I wrap my arms around her body. Taking in a deep breath of air, her scent fills me. She smells of sweet wine. I remember, once before, smelling this scent upon the clothes that were returned to me as I grew older. The clothes my mother dropped me off in the orphanage in. They smelt the same. It was her, I was smelling. My own mother. It is unbelievable, but if I truly am dead, then I can believe this.

"…Mother…"

I say, the word never leaving my lips in such a way before. It causes her to sob harder. She has watched me, she claims. Watched me finish training, fight in Anchorage. Witnessed my survival of the Great War, and the building of Underworld. She saw when Dezbe and I met, and our life together. She saw when Dizzy was born, and how I played with my child.

I feel her pulling from me, as she rests on her knees in front of me, wiping the tears from her milky white face.

"Now that you believe me, you must have many questions."

"I do…but…I cannot ask them now."

"Why? We have…all the time in the world. There's no real conception of time here, I said that."

Shaking my head, I look over to where the clear pool was. The pool that I saw Dezbe in.

"Because I am not meant to be here, either."

"This is your time, Charon. You came exactly when you were supposed to."

"No. That time is wrong. I must return. My wife, my child, they need me. I have to go back."

"Charon if you go back, you're going to break so many rules…"

"If this is heaven, then there are no rules."

She shakes her head at me.

"If you go back now, there's no guarantee you're going to be here again. You could go somewhere else. Don't you want to stay, with me and your father?"

Though the offer to meet my father, and remain here as a family with them is tempting, I cannot. It is not my place, and my own family needs me more than the one here does. Here, they are safe. But back home, I am needed. My life has yet to be completed. There is much I must do.

"I would one day wish to meet my father. To see the man that so resembles me. But right now, it is my wife who needs me. I must return to her. She cannot survive there, without my help."

Sadly, my mother smiles at me. I never knew I could be created from someone so beautiful.

"Dezbe loves you very much, Charon. When you two met, I was proud. Because she reminds me so much of how I once was. Young, reckless, wanting adventure in the far beyond. You two together…reminds me so much of my own life. Your love for her is unmatched, you know."

"I…would not have married her, had I thought any differently."

"I know that. And, you're right. She needs you. Dizzy needs you. Dizzy, by the way, is turning into a beautiful young woman. She has my eyes, and your father's stubborn ways. She's young, but she's grown so much…"

The wind blows heavier around me, as my mother cries silent tears. I want to assure her, that one day we will all be reunited, but in that, there is death. I cannot accept death at this moment.

"I need to go back, mother…"

"I know, and your choice is yours to make. Though against fate, perhaps, you can rewrite fate. You have to go now."

She stands, and I stand along with her.

"How do I return?"

"When you open your eyes, you'll be there. I love you, my son."

"Tell me your name? I never…knew it. I never knew my father's name. Will I remember this, when I wake.

"His name is Erik. And that, my son, is entirely up to you."

"And your name?"

"Beatrice."

"Beatrice…"

I close my eyes, as I say my mother's name for the first time. This place, in all of its beauty, is not where I am meant to be at this moment. Fate aside, I must return home, to my wife, and my child. I must not leave Dezbe alone, and must save her from her own fate. It is my own mission, to change our fate, and our futures. This place, where my parents await, brings me warmth, and comfort. I find peace, a peace I did not know existed, in knowing that they forgive me. That they love, and watch over me, in all that I do. In this place, I did not die, and I did not live. I was simply lost, and in turn, found my way back, to where I am truly meant to be.

Pain shoots through my body, as I slowly regain myself. My lungs force themselves to fill with air, as I feel my chest rise. The feelings of life rush through me, as my heart begins to beat. I see nothing but darkness, behind the closed lids of my eyes. Slowly, I begin to hear Dezbe's quiet sobs, somewhere in the room. Somewhere, beside me. Finding my strength, as it slowly returns to me, I try to force my eyes open. In the back of my mind, I hear my mother's voice, distant like a forgotten dream. 'Survive, my son,' she says to me.

Opening my eyes, I allow them to adjust to the lighting of the room. What once was bright, turns dark, and bleak. I am reminded, that I am no longer in that comfortable field. Was it simply a dream? Did I dream my own death, and awake of my own accord? Perhaps. Perhaps I did die, and traveled to a place far beyond the touches of humans. I will never truly know, but inside, I know my mother. I know I met her, and that she loves me, and her voice is as soft as I would imagine it to be.

"…Charon?"

I hear Dezbe's voice, soft, and desperate. Painfully, I turn my head, and see her. My eyes, focused and sharp, unlike before. Dezbe looks at me, as if I am a ghost, while my hand grazes the shirt covering my wound.

"…I returned…"

I sigh, thankful to be where I want, and where I am needed. Dezbe sobs, and throws her arms around me. As her hair tickles my nose, I smell the scent of flowers that were in that beautiful field. Dezbe sobs against my chest, scared, and shaken.

"I thought I lost you…"

"No. I cannot leave you. Not yet."

She holds me tighter, gripping my armor for her own life.

"I love you…I love you…"

I fought death to return here. I turned down a peaceful existence, for one here, alongside her. It was not a dream. Something so beautiful cannot only exist in my own mind. Moving my arms, I wrap them around Dezbe. I know now, more than ever before, that I am meant to be alongside her. That it was my path in life, just as it was my father's path to help my mother that day on his farm.

"My mother's name…is Beatrice…"

I say, without thinking. Dezbe raises her head, and looks at me as if I've lost my mind.

"You saw your mother? But…she's dead…"

I can see the fear falling on Dezbe's face, and I force a painful smile.

"I dreamt of her, Dezbe. I have her eyes."

Dez smiles at me, taking comfort in thinking I had only lost consciousness. It if makes her feel better, I will lie to her. I know she cannot handle my death, even if I were to have a peaceful one.

"Don't do that to me again, okay? I thought I lost you…"

I leave out mentioning, that my mother loves and approves of Dezbe. In silent pain, I hold Dezbe in the darkness of this room. Perhaps right now, I can rest a moment, before forcing myself to formulate a plan to get out of here. Almost losing your life, and not being with those you love, gives me a new appreciation for these small moments. These moments where Dezbe clings to me, out of love and desperation, and I hold her in turn, out of protection, and love of my own.


	55. Do Thou Care for My End?

(Dezbe)

I thought I lost him. I honestly believed he died. Just, died right here. I mean, I don't know how long he's been out for, but I mean it felt like forever. I felt the life just slip from him. I swear that I did. He wasn't even breathing, because I know. I checked. There wasn't a heartbeat, or anything. But he's here. He's here, and he's alive. How? I mean, I don't really care how, because I'm just happy he's back, but I mean…it's…I don't know. I don't. But I'm just so goddamn happy he's back. I don't give a Molerat's ass if we rot in here, as long as he's with me. As long as he's alive. I don't care if he died and came back, or if he just fell into a creepy sleep, or what happened. He's here, and that's all that matters.

As I press my face into his chest, I try to be careful as to not hit the shirt away from his wound. It's not bleeding anymore, but I don't want to make it bleed again by prying the shirt off. Charon's arms feel so good against my back. I mean, I know I've felt them there a million and one times before, but this time is different. This time, I almost lost him right before my eyes. After all this time together, I can't really imagine how I'd continue on without him. Because he's my other half. My soul-mate, and all things lovey and dovey. All things stupid and all those things you feel that moment you fall in love for the first time. I'm feeling them right now, and I've been in love with the same man for forty years. There is no Dez, without Charon. That's just how it is these days.

"Dezbe…"

Charon says, still weak. I lift my head, and wipe the tears from the back of my hand. I stare at him like I hadn't just been crying like a big baby a few seconds ago.

"We have to get out of here."

He says it like I hadn't known that before. Like I hadn't been thinking of a way out for…forever. I nod, biting my lip nervously.

"That's a lot easier said than done. I don't have much strength left. They don't feed me more than a mouthful a day, if I'm lucky. And you're obviously in no shape to do anything. Plus, that stupid light…"

Charon shakes his head, and moves his foot.

"I have two grenades on my belt, and my combat knife is in my boot. You have to listen to me carefully, alright? Get my knife."

I nod my head and carefully take it out. Charon's sweating through his armor. I know because his pants are damp, and he feels warm. If I don't get him help soon, he's going to slip into shock, and then die. I cannot go through that emotional roller coaster again.

"Alright, now what."

Charon looks at me, and I can tell he really doesn't want to share his plan with me. But what choice does he have? What choice do I have?

"I cannot move. I will injure myself further if I even try. You need to use my knife, and the grenades to get out of here. If you can, find my gun. I left it just outside the door, but the soldiers may have taken it. If it is not there, you need to run. Run as far as you can. Get back to Megaton, get on armor, and a shirt, and come back. Do you understand me?"

I do, but I'm not about to listen.

"Charon, I if I leave you here, they're going to hurt you."

He shakes his head, as if he's the smartest man in the world and his plan is flawless.

"They will think I am dead."

"Charon you don't know them! They're insane!"

He lifts his hand and rests it on my knee. I'm sitting in only underwear. Seriously, I have panties on. He expect me to do this in just my panties? I mean, it does sound badass, and something I'd like to do, but can I? Can I really leave him here? No. But I can get out of this room. Where there's ghouls, there's radiation. That's a given. I just have to find it.

"I do know them. …They are Chinese soldiers, from pre-war. They believe the war continues still to this day."

Now that's a real shit kicker if I'd ever heard one. I give him a look, and if he could, he'd shrug.

"I am not kidding. They are as I once was, brainwashed and stuck in their ways."

"How do you know?"

"I fought them in pre-war. I spoke to them. In training, they taught us Chinese, since the Chinese were our enemies. It is not uncommon."

Well. It's pretty uncommon right now. I mean, the bombs fell, and it's been like, two hundred and more years since the bombs fell. I can understand them being stuck in their ways, because I saw it firsthand with Charon. Had I not met Charon and ran into these whackjobs, though, I wouldn't believe it no matter how many times you try to prove it to me. It just seems so…so unbelievable.

"I don't want to leave you here."

Tears form in my eyes. I mean, I'm going to listen to his plan, but only halfway. I'll blast my way out of here, but I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving this factory, until Charon can come with me. I don't care if I break every bone in my body for fucks sake. I'm not going to give him up. I'm not losing him again, or ever.

"You must."

"Charon, I'm not strong enough. I'm…really weak. Like, physically I don't know if I can even run out this factory, let alone home to Megaton."

Charon didn't think of that in his plan. He takes two grenades off of his belt, and hands them to me.

"Try. Dezbe, get as far as you can. The Capital Wasteland is not without people. You will find someone, or find radiation. I know you can do this."

He may be sure, but I'm not. I can have confidence in the fact, that I can scour this entire place looking for radiation, but running home? No way in hell. I may have kept in shape here, but I can't get that far. I haven't eaten in forever, and I need to get my energy from somewhere. But since he's injured, and I don't want to risk him getting all worked up, I agree.

"Alright. But not right now."

Charon looks like I just smacked him silly.

"Of course now, there is no time to waste."

Shaking my head, I point to the door.

"There's no one on the other side of that. If I use a grenade, I'm using it to kill people, and get out. I'm not wasting one when I need two. I want to wait until they're out there, to drop it through that hole. Because it's a cold day in hell, the day I don't kill at least one of them for what they've done. And we have some time. You're not bleeding anymore."

Looking down, Charon feels with his hand. I can tell he doesn't find any moist blood, and seems to be confused by it.

"My wound should not have stopped…"

He says, pondering everything while he tries to examine it under the dim glow of my ring. I stop his hand from taking off the shirt, and shake my head at him.

"Don't think of it. Just be happy. It bought us some time."

To be honest, I don't know why his wound stopped bleeding, either. It's far too large of an exit wound to just stop on its own. Not to mention the internal damage it caused. Charon's not even bleeding from his mouth, it seems. The only thing is that the wound itself doesn't seem to be healing. Only the bleeding stopped. If he makes any strong movements, it could very well bleed again. Though I don't want to question why it stopped, I do wonder. I suppose that's a wonder for another time, just like how he came to find me in this place is another question I can ask later on, when we're home.

Oh, I _know_ we're going home. Because there is no fucking way I am leaving here to die while I save my own ass. No. Charon risked his life to get here, and the least I can do is risk my life saving his. We've done this our whole lives together, it seems. Saving one, saving the other. Now is no different, only that Charon is seriously wounded. But that never stopped him before. Then again, he's never been hurt this bad before. I can't think of the negatives right now. I have to figure why there's no guards outside my door. And how I'm going to open that hole.

"Charon?"

"Hm?"

"I don't know how I'm going to open that hole, and I don't know why there's no guards out there."

He thinks for a moment, and then sighs heavily.

"I killed a handful of them on my way in. I used one of my grenades to cripple more. I suppose they are trying to gather the bodies, thinking I am dead and that you are going nowhere. There must be a crack in that hole somewhere, to where you can slip the knife in, and pull open the latch."

Charon thinks of everything sometimes. I say sometimes, because there are times where I think of useful shit, too. But still. Looking at Charon, I can tell he sees the doubt and fear in my eyes. Lucky for me, he doesn't call me on it. Instead he remains silent, letting me think my own thoughts, without his input. I remember how we met. I remember how I was back then, and how reckless and dangerous I was. Charon, in his own ways, is dangerous. He's the last person you want to mess with in the Capital Wasteland. And yet…he's only that way now, because of me. Before, Charon was under contract. He didn't kill as mercilessly as he does now. Never did it with spite or anger. But me? I've always killed. I've always killed with anger. So…why now am I so scared? Is it because I'm nervous about leaving Charon behind? About failing? I don't know…

Looking down at his combat knife, I realize just how dependent on him I've become. How much I've changed since we met. I never intended to become so reliant on him, but I suppose it can't be helped. Some things, just simply happen. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but when I'm asked to do things that I should have no problem doing, I get nervous, and scared.

"It is alright, Dezbe."

Glancing up, I look into Charon's tired eyes. Does he know what I'm thinking?

"It is alright, to be afraid."

He does, and I feel his hand around my own. Charon must have just known. When you're with someone for forty years, you tend to just get to know one another that well. And he knows me. It makes me feel embarrassed, as I push down pains of hunger, and feelings of malnourishment. I feel the adrenaline that came from thinking Charon had died, leaving my body. I start to feel weak again, and I don't know anymore, if I can get out of this room on my own.

"I feel sick…"

I tell Charon, curling up into a ball. He hasn't seen me in light. He doesn't know the extent of my malnourishment. It's nothing compared to his wound, but it's still crippling just the same. I've made it this long, though, haven't I? If I can just make it a few more yards, I can get us both out of here. I can find some food, and radiation. Or maybe just radiation. If I did, then I could heal Charon, and he could just carry me home. It's times like this, where I wish I had Dizzy's mutant powers. We'd already be halfway home by now if I did. Radiation wouldn't help my situation, but it would help Charon. And he could just be all deadly ass-kicking mercenary and blow this place up.

Trying to fight off wanting to just lie down and nap, I lift my head and look at Charon.

"You can do this, Dez. I remember what you are capable of."

He's right, but I only half-believe him.

"Dezbe, you are not a damsel in distress. You survived many things without me, and have fought out of more difficult situations than this. Do not lose hope."

I remember who I was. I remember that tough girl, fresh from the vault, not knowing her ass from her elbow in the Capital Wasteland. I remember how I was this really mean bitch, who then started to feel empathy, and sympathy. After that, it felt like I didn't kill just to kill, but killed to protect those I came to love and care for. The Underworld residents, Roy and his friends, Gob and Zack. I wanted to protect them, and being able to keep them safe, and keep Charon safe, really helped my invisible cause to find my place in this world. This world that I was born into, but wasn't my own.

Going over to the hole, I start to fumble with the latch. Try to find some small crack where I can slip the knife in and lift it open. I'm good at picking locks. I always have been. I suppose when you've resigned yourself to a domestic life, small things like that escape you. The small things that make you. I'm exceptionally good with computers, and medical things. My parents were both doctors and scientists, and their intelligence was passed down to me. All of those amazing things I did in my travels with Charon, and the determination to keep going comes back to me. It comes and fights off the feelings of weak and weariness. Hearing a small 'click', the hole pops open, and I'm able to see outside. The artificial light of the factory stings and burns my eyes, but I know I have to overcome it. I know that I have to fix this, and get out alive. Looking back at Charon, as I take one of the grenades, I smirk at him.

"I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I got this…"

Weakly, Charon smiles at me. I give no second thought to pulling the pin, and dropping the grenade outside the door. When I hear it hit the floor, I scurry away and put my body on top of Charon's, careful to avoid his wound. He's sheltered me from so many blasts, that I've lost count of them all. It's only fair that I return the favor. After all, it's all about us now.

I cover his ears, and he covers mine. The blast shakes the room, and the door flies off the hinges, hitting the wall beside us. Dust, and bits of concrete sprinkle down on us, like it's some sick and twisted romantic rain. Opening my eyes, I smile at him, and nod my head.

"Be good, stay here, play dead and no following."

Time is short, so I kiss his lips, and make my way out of the room. My legs almost don't support me, but I force them to. Topless, with only his knife in my hand, I take a moment to look at what I have to work with here. Somewhere, in this pre-war factory, there has to be radiation. Ghouls need it. They thrive on it. There wouldn't be a nest of them without one Glowing One, or some supply of radiation.

To my left I hear running footsteps. I know I've lost time, and have to start running. Luckily, my time running in place prepared me for this. I don't see Charon's gun anywhere, as I run towards the stairs. I only have this knife, and have to rely on what I know to avoid getting shot. With my current state, a stray bullet could very well hurt me enough to bring this whole plan to failure. I can't let that happen. I can't. Charon's life depends on it. For a rare time, Charon is now completely dependent on me.

Thinking of how he needs me, and how usually I'm the one needing to be saved, gives me an extra boost of adrenaline. That chemical that makes you just go, without any hurt or repercussions. At least, for a while. As I reach the end of the staircase, there's a door in front of me. Without thinking, I run through that door, holding Charon's knife close to me like he taught me so many years ago. I hear the Chinese soldiers running down the stairs, I don't think there's a lot of them left. In this room, there's bottles of Nuka Cola. Nuka Cola has radiation in it, and lucky for me, I find a Nuka Cola Quantum. These three bottles will help Charon just enough so he can heal. Maybe not all the way, but enough so that we can get out.

Just outside the door, are the soldiers. I hear them getting closer and closer. They probably expect me to be hiding in this room. In which case, they'd be right. But I won't be hiding under a desk, or in a closet, no. Positioning myself behind the door, I hold my breath as it swings open, stubbing my toes. Now that pisses me off. Have you ever stubbed your toes? That shit hurts. It hurts more than getting shot sometimes. Stifling a cry of angry pain, I wait till I can see two of them.

They talk in their stupid language, guns lowered. They're not on the offence, which is a big mistake. Because once you stop fighting, your enemy stops defending. When your enemy stops defending, they start attacking, and that's exactly what I do. Kicking the door closed, I catch a few off guard, as they're pushed from the room. The other two are in the room with me, and I leap for their back.

The benefits of being me is that I'm a lot faster than people think. Plus, you'd assume with forty years of being with Charon, I'd learn a thing or two. And in that assumption, you're absolutely right. While on one soldier's back, the other one is surprised. I use that to my advantage, and swiftly kick him right in the throat. They're shorter than me, so I don't need to lift my leg to a freakish height. It surprised him enough to drop his gun, while the one I'm on top of waves his hands in angry desperation. Raising the combat knife, I dig it into his squishy ghoul flesh. Over and over again, as the blood sprays everywhere, I stab him.

"You've made a huge mistake, fucker!"

I say as I jump off the dying one and lunge towards the surprised one. He tries to grab his gun, but I kick it away from him, and take no mercy. I never liked killing with knives, since it's far too personal. But I guess, this is pretty personal. These bastards kidnapped me, and then almost killed my husband. So, stabbing does seem befitting. Though I'd rather torture them within an inch or their lives while demanding to know why they captured me.

As the two ghouls die, I waste no time in taking one of their guns. Blood is all over my bare chest, and I feel like some lunatic as I take off the safety and aim it towards the door. Sure enough, another ghoul comes in, and I shoot him without holding back. Problem is, is that I haven't used an automatic weapon in so long, I kind of have a hard time dealing with the recoil of the gun. It's not powerful, just catches me off guard, since I'm used to my sawed-off. So instead of shooting a clear and precise area on his body, I kind of do this overkill line of bullets from his groin to his head. Definitely overkill, and I remember why I really fuckin' hated automatic weapons. Too much pray, not enough spray. But it's what I have right now, and so I can't complain.

Putting Charon's knife in my underwear's stretchy band, I turn around and grab the Nuka Cola Quantum. Nuka Cola only has about five or six radiation, according to my Pip-Boy. So Quantum should have about ten. Ten radiation points is enough to at least heal Charon enough to stand up, and run. I'm not sure, though, because I'm learning all of this from my Pip-Boy, and Charon's radiation intake is a lot different than mine. Ten for me is great, ten for him…I'm not sure. I have to get my Pip-Boy back, too. It's somewhere around here, and though I don't use it, or need it, it's sentimental. I've had it since I was ten. That's…quite a long time, considering.

The toll of my movements catches up to me. Leaning on the desk for support, I try to catch my breath, as my legs buckle beneath me. The adrenaline is wearing off, despite my willing to just give me a few more minutes. My body is no longer in fight or flight mode, and I'm starting to feel all the pains of being malnourished and kept within that room. My vision gets blurry, as my head starts to ache and throb. The light starts to become too much for me to take, and the feeling of the gun around my shoulders annoys me. A wave of unfounded fear washes over me, as I drop to my knees, holding my head and feeling my heart beating in sync to the throbbing in my head.

"…Shit…"

I mutter, shaking as my stomach churns and I try to block out all these noises. It's so loud in this factory. The steel scraping, feet walking, voices, metal against metal, everything. It makes my skin crawl, and my head hurt feverishly. Charon was taught how to deal with shit like this. How to deal with emerging from a solitary space for a prolonged period of time. Me? I have no idea. Only that my father once studied solitary confinement in comparison to vault life. Difference being, solitary has no noise or light. At least in the vault we had both, and socialization. Either way, they both have psychological issues attached to them. One being auditory hallucinations. Not to mention an extreme sensitivity to light and touch. What's that mean for me? It means I cannot trust my ears, and I have to really force my eyes to work with me. I have to force the feeling of the gun on me into the back of my mind, at least until I make it back up to Charon.

Forcing myself to my feet, I weakly make it to the door, hoping that there's no more enemies. That somehow, they disregarded the noise. Luckily, when I open the door, using it for balance, there's nobody around. Just me, the hall, and the staircase leading up back to Charon. If I can just make it to the top of that, I'm safe. I'll be safe. Lifting my feet, making my legs walk, is an almost impossible task. Clutching the Nuka Cola Quantum bottle tightly, I shuffle over to the stairs.

High up, above everything, there's windows. Through the windows, I can see the sky turning an orange color. It's going to be sunrise, soon, which means Charon got here at night. It reminds me that I don't know how long I've been here, and need to ask Charon that when I make it up to him. See, legs? That's why we can't give up now. Because we are so goddamn close to freedom, it's sickening. So let's just get up these steps, and give Charon this soda, and get the hell out. Sound good?

Good as it sounds, it's still not easy. My legs shake and buckle with each step, as my breathing grows shorter and shorter. So I reduce myself to a four-limbed crawl. Kind of like I'd go up the steps in the vault as a kid. Hand, foot, hand, foot. One step at a time, as I feel the sweat forming on my forehead and my heart beating to overcompensate for everything. I've never felt myself so skinny before. I've always had curves of the sorts. But now, I can't feel my thighs lightly rubbing one another. I can't feel my stomach rolling as I hunch over. I just feel air, and sometimes my elbow grazes my ribs, and I can count them. I haven't seen myself in a mirror in so long, that I have had no idea that these changes happened. They weren't sudden, but gradual. Gradual, and effective. My captors succeeded in keeping me as weak as they could. Though I can't imagine why they want me. I can't imagine why they'd do this. But people are sick and twisted. Especially out here, and especially if they think the Great War is still ongoing.

I won't die here. I refuse to. I refuse to let these bastards win. They're pre-war ghouls, and they have no idea what I've been through. This? This shit, is nothing. It's nothing when compared to the rape and torture I went through. Compared to the psychological warfare I've fought my entire twenties. Nothing, compared to the emotional roller coaster of coaxing Charon from his contract. They won't get me, here. They won't get Charon. I refuse to believe that this is how we die. After everything we've been through, I'm going to let some stairs get in the way of my survival? No. No.

Finding strength, I pull myself up more. Just one more flight, I can see the second floor. I can see the top of the blasted door of my cell. After this, Charon and I will run away. We'll start a new life, our children will find their own paths. We'll do everything simple, and we'll laugh. Goddamnit, Charon and I will laugh our asses off after this. Maybe we'll get our apartment in Tenpenny back, while Dizzy and Cain embark on their own lives. Make their own adventure, while Charon and I focus on us. We will not die here, because we still have a prolonged life together. We have to see what retirement is like. What it's like after the children have gone. We have…so much to do. I've never found that field of grass. Being held hostage in an insane town twenty years back, doesn't count. That wasn't the grass I sought for. That was bullshit grass.

Shadows start to dance on the wall, as the sun rises higher, and the remaining soldiers figure out what's going on. Time seems to slow down around me. I can hear my heart at this point, and the sweat falls down my face. I've never sweat so much before in my life, and that's saying something. But I can't give up now. I want to just close my eyes and take a nap right here right now, but if I do, there's a large chance that I won't wake. Climbing, I force myself to think only happy thoughts. Thoughts and memories that only cause me happiness and warmth. Like watching Charon and Dizzy play outside. I would watch them from the house and smile this shit-eating grin, because of how damn cute it was. I remember how Charon saved my life that first night we were together, and how I kissed him in Rivet City. We pretend that never happened, though. Even now, we never talk about it.

My arms can't support me anymore. Luckily, I only realize this as I reach the top of the staircase. Directly in front of me, is my cell, with the blasted door. Burn marks stretch all around it, and it gives me some sort of sick satisfaction. My heart pounds too much for me to handle, and I feel my legs slip from under me. Landing on the second floor, I fall, my arms outstretched. The glow of my ring dims, and flickers. From the sunlight streaming in, I can see Charon's shadow against the wall. He's still in there, and from somewhere, I hear the angry cries of soldiers. At least I think I do, I can't trust my ears. I have one shot at this, as I grip the bottle in my hand. One shot.

With my last bit of strength, I roll the bottle as hard as I can into the cell.

"Charon…!"

I gasp, and before I close my eyes, I see his hand reach out for the glowing Quantum bottle. I smile to myself, knowing these soldiers just opened up a whole new world of hurt that they never knew existed.


	56. The Accursed Have Been Silenced

(Charon)

I hear Dezbe's meek voice from the shadows of the solitary confinement cell. The clanking of glass on cement rings in my ears, as a Quantum bottle rolls into view. Grabbing it, I hope that it is enough. Instead of drinking it, I painfully remove my shirt from my wound, and open the Quantum. Pouring it over my wound, I feel a strange sense of pain from the acids, and the warming sensation of radiation. Watching, I see that it is just enough to put a thin layer of skin over it. Not enough to heal it fully, but enough so that I can get Dezbe and I out of here. I have to be careful, as to not tear it open once more. Just because the bleeding ceased once, does not mean it will happen again.

Outside of the cell, I can hear the noise of the soldiers coming closer and closer.

"Dez!"

I call, pushing my worn body to its feet. I hear no response, and fear the worst. Grabbing my bloodied shirt, I emerge from the cell, weak, but able to move and stand. At my feet lies my wife, unconscious and clinging to life. An assault rifle hangs over her shoulders, as blood stains her body. I hope that it is not her blood, as I grab the gun and lift her head.

"Dezbe, open your eyes."

Weakly, Dez's eyes flutter. She opens them, only slightly, and takes in a deep breath.

"I…did it…"

She forces a smirk, blood smeared over her face.

"Yes, you did."

I say to her, grabbing her arms and pulling her from the stairwell. In the light, I can clearly see the extent of her confinement. The woman whom was once full of life, is now pale, and sickly. The curves that I would run my hands over in lustful pleasure and admiration are gone, replaced with limp bones and weak skin. Her eyes are hollow, and sunken in, with protruding cheekbones. Her lips are a pale fleshy color, and thin, villainous, as opposed to full and bright red.

"Oh…Dez…"

I say, as I lift her into my arms. Her breasts, though smeared with blood, have shrunk with her weight loss. I can count her ribs, and see her stomach turning inward. She weighs less than Dizzy in my arms, and it frightens me. Dezbe is far weaker than I had initially thought. These soldiers did not relent, on giving her the military torture that they so learned in pre-war. Why, would they do this to a civilian?

"Put the girl down."

The familiar voice of the Chinese captain rings to my left. He stands, with only two soldiers beside him. One of which has my gun on their back. Gently, I place Dezbe down onto the hard floor. She breathes, but just slightly.

"Why?"

I ask him, crouching beside my wife, brushing hair from her face. I quickly analyze that the blood on her, is not her own. Before I stand, I take the knife from her underwear, and hide it within my sleeve. Rising, I face the captain, angry, and biding my time. Waiting, for the perfect chance to strike.

"That is none of your concern, Pentad."

"It is of my concern. Tell me why you have taken my wife. She has nothing to do with your military."

He chortles at hearing the news. At heating that Dezbe is my wife. But through his laughter, I can see the fear in his eyes. My strike team had a reputation to the Chinese. A reputation that evoked the most dreadful fears in them. Hearing he has now assaulted and tortured one of their wives puts that fear back into him. I can see it in his companions, too.

"We saw the American near the town. We knew you kept resources there. We knew that a military ghoul lived there."

I shake my head at them, refraining from lashing out.

"And so you take her? For what? A war that ended nearly three-hundred years ago? A war, that no longer takes place?"

"Impossible! The war rages on! This devastation that you see is the result of insolence from the Americans!"

Shaking my head, I take a small step forward. His companions raise their guns a bit higher.

"No. This is the result of a world-wide nuclear disaster. China no longer exists. The entire world, has been reduced to this."

"Then we have won! We have won! Surrender now, Pentad!"

"No, Captain. Nobody has won. The entire world, suffered and died. This is what the war brought us. There came no victor."

He does not want to believe it. He shakes his head, as panic sets in. The two soldiers look from me to him, fearful and confused.

"…You lie…you lie…the People's Republic of China would never lose!"

"I saw it before my own eyes. I saw the fires, Captain. I survived the war, as have you. It is over now, and in your ignorance, you kidnap my wife. You take her, and torture her, for a war that ended. For a war, that destroyed civilization as the world knows it."

"No! We did not know! Pentads have no emotion! Pentads do not! We did not know…"

His men cower at me, as their guns drop. They make no move to defend their captain, as I lift him by the front of his torn and ragged uniform. They cower in fear, their brainwashing to have no emotions has weakened. They have not kept their composure after all these years, as I have. I hold the captain to my eye-level, the knife within my hand.

"You knew, Captain. You knew, and you took my wife."

"Your wife lives!"

I feel rage, and fury, as he tries to excuse his actions by using Dezbe's life as a wagering point. As if to say at least he did not kill her.

"My wife clings to life at your doing!"

"What…what are you going to do to me…?"

I look down at his shaken soldiers. They knew not what they were doing. They were following orders. Glaring at them, I kick their guns away from their reach.

"Run. Run and tell any Chinese who remain, that if they come near my wife, or my family, or Megaton once again, I will find you. I will kill you all. I will make you feel a pain that is comparable to none. Leave, before I change my mind."

The two men decide arguing is not in their best interest. They leave their captain, rushing towards the closest exit on the first floor. If Dezbe knew I had let them go, she would be angry. But there are things that separate me from these animals. And that is mercy. But to the man in my hands, I have no mercy left. Looking back at him, as he screams at his departing men, calling them cowards, I shake him.

"…My wife suffers, because of your actions."

"Please! Show mercy, I beg you!"

"There is none left, for men like you."

Carrying him by his uniform, I bring him into Dezbe's cell. Slamming him into the wall as hard as I can, I let the cracking of his own bones fill his mind. Holding his jaw closed, I do not even allow him the privilege of screaming. Tears shine, as I drop him to the ground. But I am not done with him. No. Taking my combat knife, I point it in his face as he sits on the ground, his bones uncooperative with his mind. He tries to speak, but I grab his lower jaw once again, and hold it tightly.

"If I had the time, I would keep you here for months, just as you did my wife. I would keep you here, and slice off every nail. I would cut every knuckle on your left hand, and then on your right. Until you had nothing but your palms. I would do the same to your toes, and then slice your Achilles. After that, I would cut between each rib, slowly. I would give you just enough radiation to live, and to feel the pain. Your eyelids would be removed, and then your lips. Each day, you would expect pain. But it would not happen each day. I would torment your mind, and break you. Do you understand me?"

He nods his head, and I feel his entire body shaking.

"But I do not have the time to do such things. Instead, I will leave you here. I will return, and bring you enough rations. I will return, and keep you alive, and do everything I stated. Until you were nothing more than a living torso, where then, I will leave you in the Wasteland, for the animals to pick at."

Removing my hand, I stand up. The captain stares up at me, too frightened to move.

"You…_monster_!"

Without word, I place my boots upon his shins, and break the bones. He will be unable to move from this cell.

"You take my wife. You come in the dead of night, like cowards, and tear her from the safety of her home. You have no idea what you have done."

Pain shoots through him, as I carelessly kick his limp legs. Placing my knife back into my boot, I stand, and face the door. Although it is bent, it will still fit in its place. There is no way this man will be able to escape this chamber, as I fit the door just tight enough to where no matter how hard he hits, it will not budge. Perhaps I will allow him to simply starve, or perhaps I will return to torture him. It depends on if Dezbe lives, and depends on how angry I remain. Dezbe will never know of his existence, however. She will forever believe I killed them all. It will be my pleasure. My secret.

Calmly, as to refrain from losing my own mind and killing that man now, I walk over to where the two soldiers cowered. One of them dropped my gun for me, as he prepared to run. Picking it up I carry it over, and go to my wife.

"Dezbe?"

I say to her, lightly tapping her face.

"Dezbe, you need to wake. We must leave."

She takes a shallow breath in, and forces her eyes open. I am relieved, though I know she is in critical condition.

"…Charon…"

"Yes. Do not worry, you are safe now, come."

Placing my gun on my back, I lift Dezbe gently. Her knees bend over my left arm, as her head rests on my right. If I walk fast enough, I can perhaps get her home today. But as I lift her, I feel my wound tear slightly. It causes me pain, but not enough to cause me to drop Dezbe. Walking down the steps, I carefully maneuver Dez's body so she does not hit anything. The steps are narrow, and it is difficult, but I am able to make it down without error. The warmth of my blood slowly seeps into the top of my pants, as the cries of the captain echo from the cracks in the door.

"Did…did you win?"

Dezbe asks me, as I near the exit. Looking down at her tired and sunken eyes, I nod. It takes all I can, to not let the tears fall. If she sees my worry, she will know something is wrong. I cannot have her overreacting. I cannot have her upset.

"Yes, Dezbe. I won."

"…That's…good. Are…we going home?"

Pushing open the door with my shoulder, I bring her out into the bright sunlight. It is not too warm, as the cold months are arriving. I am thankful for this. Dezbe is pale, and her skin cannot take the harsh heat right now. It would only weaken her further.

"We are. We are almost there. Just stay awake for a few more moments."

It is a blatant lie. Yet I know if I say it, she will believe me, and try to stay awake. Making my way away from Mama Dolce's, I hope that I never have to lay my eyes upon this place again. Though I know the captain remains alive inside, I will only return, if my wife dies today.

"I…don't…"

Shifting Dez's light weight, I notice her ring dims. While she left the room, I saw that my gems also glowed, and dimmed. I do not know why this happens, but I do not take Dez's ring as a good sign. It has never been this dull before, and for a strange reason, it worries me.

"Just hang in there, Dezbe. We will be home shortly. I will care for you then."

I cannot feed her all she needs in one day. For someone to have gone through starvation, and then to receive food, can kill them. Dezbe will have to remain in bed, and be given small portions of food daily. Dizzy will have to give her as much radiation as she can, to help her body heal faster. What Dezbe has been through is severely traumatic, and I am surprised she had the mental capability to even leave her cell. Yet, Dezbe has always been a strong woman. I know that she will make it through this, if we can get to Megaton in time.

"You can, Dezbe. Come, stay awake. I am here, and you are safe. No harm will ever come to you, I will make sure of that. I am sorry, that this happened. But it will never again."

Upon my arrival in Megaton, I will enhance the security. There will be guards positioned night and day. Nothing will get past Megaton without my knowledge, and no harm will ever come to my family again. I was foolish, and let my guard down over the years. But it will not happen again. No, I will make sure of that.

I feel my wound tear further, as I continue to walk. The radiation was not enough, as I feel more blood seeping into my pants. I am closer to Megaton, but still a ways away. Holding Dezbe close, I glance down to be sure that her eyes are still open. She looks up at me, exhausted, holding on for life. Her eyes, that once held sparks of life and energy, are now dull, and shattered.

"Can…you tell me…a story?"

"What kind?"

Anything, to keep her awake. Anything to keep her from nodding off. If I had confidence that she would wake, I would allow her to sleep. Allow her to find rest. But I do not know. I do not know that she will rise, and so, I cannot take that chance.

"…What…does your mom…look like?"

The image of that field, and my mother in it, flashes in my mind. I can feel that spring breeze against my body, and the blades of grass against my fingertips. That place, was so calm, and peaceful. It can only ever exist in a place like death, or my dreams. There was no logic to that place, but yet, there was no need for logic. It was somewhere, that one day, I hope to return to. Only when I arrive, I wish to have Dezbe at my side.

"She was beautiful, Dezbe."

Glancing down, I see that Dezbe's tired eyes urge me to continue, as her hand falls from her lap. Ignoring my blood loss, and the sun on my back, I continue onward.

"Her hair was golden in the sun, long, and delicate. She smelt of sweet wine, and her skin was the color of Brahmin milk."

"Yeah?"

Smiling down at her, I nod.

"Yes. She was shorter than you, and had delicate features. I felt if I touched her, she would shatter. Her face, was so delicate, and beautiful. I have her eyes. She had a small, pointed chin, and a long nose. Yet it fit her perfectly. Her lips were pink, like yours, and plump. She spoke with a kind, and forgiving voice."

"Did…did she forgive…forgive you?"

"Yes."

I feel Dezbe's body buckle, and I cease walking. Staring down at her, I realize she is going into shock. I do not have time to continue at this slow pace.

"Dezbe! Dez…stay with me. Hold on."

Against my mind telling me not to, I begin to jog. I jog, and preserve energy to run once Megaton is closer. Dezbe's body stiffens, and I know that once a person enters shock, they must seek immediate care. They must be treated, or else, they will die. Shock is something the body cannot handle for very long. I must make it home, before I lose her.

"Hold on, Dez. Just hold on, I promise, I will get us home. I promise."

My wound opens up, as searing pain runs down my body. But I cannot wait. I cannot stop. I must continue. I must make it home.


	57. 30 Minutes to Alter Our Lives

(Dizzy)

My dad's been gone a whole day. I know that I shouldn't be so worried, but I am. I'm really worried. And I have good reason to be worried, too, as Cain and I stand on the outskirts of Megaton. Last night, Cain couldn't sleep. He kept saying that something was very wrong, that he just knew there was something else going on. It kept us both up, so we haven't slept much. But I know Cain and my father have some freaky twin sense. My father could possibly be on the other side of the Capital Wasteland, but even if he was, Cain can feel if something bad enough happens. I can't explain it, and I don't really want to ask him, but I know. I know something happened to my dad. I'm not prepared to be an orphan.

Sitting down, I look on the horizon for any sign of someone. For a figure, or person, or something. I don't care if it's just stray animal, but I want to see something. The silence is killing me right now, as I nervously bounce my leg. Beside me, Cain shakes and smokes a cigarette.

"What's going on?"

I ask him, fearful that he's going to say my dad died.

"…I don't know."

It's better than bad news, I guess. If dad died out there…I don't know what I'd do. I was so angry yesterday. So mad and all I wanted was to hurt him. I didn't even tell him I loved him, before he took off in search for mom. And now…now what if he dies? My last words to him…they weren't that I loved him. They weren't something a daughter should say to her father. I mean, I had every right and reason to be mad at him, and I still do, but I can't live with myself if my last memory is me being angry at him. If he just up and dies. Then I wouldn't have been able to tell him. Him, or mom. Neither one would know that I love them. That I appreciate them putting up with me when I wanted to run with Raiders. That I'm sorry for being such a selfish brat in the past, and causing so much pain to come to them. If they both die out there, I can't tell them any of that.

Lighting a cigarette to calm myself down, I sigh and look at Cain. I know he can feel what's up. I know that, but I know that he can't always explain it. He looks at me, while I silently plead with him to just please…please tell me something.

"Charon's hurt…badly."

What? No. No. Dad is probably all the way in the city by now, if not further. If Cain can sense he's hurt, then he's right. He's right, it has to be bad. Standing up, I try to remain strong and calm and not lose my head.

"We have to find him…we have to go get my dad…"

"Dizzy, I don't know where he could be."

"_We have to find my dad!"_

I yell, and quickly put my hands over my mouth. I didn't mean it. Didn't mean to snap, and scream at him. Cain nods, as if to say he understands my outburst. But still, right now, yelling is the last thing that I should do. It isn't going to fix anything.

"If we leave, and he returns, he's going to need your radiation. It's best if we stay here."

"Does he have my mom?"

"I don't know. I just know he's wounded."

Though Cain's logic makes sense, and he's right, I don't want to stay here. I want to go, and find my dad. Thinking of him hurt, and alone, scares me. It makes me sadder than I've ever felt, and I can't hold back any of those stupid tears. I just keep thinking of my dad bleeding to death somewhere.

"Dizzy, we…we can't leave. We just have to wait, just till tonight. Wait until he comes back."

"But he's all alone…"

Cain shakes his head, tossing his cigarette into the dirt.

"No, we don't know that. Dizzy, we don't know. He could be with your mom. She could be getting him help right now, as we speak. It'll be alright."

Even though he's trying to assure me, I can see in his eyes that Cain doesn't believe his own words. To see that, breaks my heart. I don't say anything more, because all Cain will do is try to reassure me that things will be alright. That's…not a bad thing, but, sometimes you just don't want to hear it. Sometimes, you just want to sit in your own world.

Curling into a ball, with my chin on my knees, I stare at the horizon. I can see the Washington Monument, and the silhouettes of the buildings in the city. Somewhere, in that rubble and mess, is my dad. And maybe with him, my mom. He's out there, alone I bet, and he's hurt. I want to help my father, I do. But I don't have the slightest clue how to. I have no idea where he is. Finding him too late…or not finding him at all are both equally scary to me. I guess my biggest regret is not telling him I loved him, though. Maybe, if I wasn't so mad when he left, I could have told him. I could have told him that he was still my hero, even if he did fuck up a bit. We all fuck up, don't we?

Saying goodbye to my mom was important, but…it's mean to say, but it wasn't as important as saying goodbye to my dad. Because mom…mom she left. She left without so much as a goodbye wave. I mean, at least, I thought she did. I thought mom had taken off, without rhyme or reason, but now I don't know what to think. I have no idea if she left, or was kidnapped. I have no idea if my dad is alive, alone, or with mom. But in the end, I feel terrible. Terrible, because I was so damn mean to him. I was so ready to hurt him, to…to try and make him feel like I was feeling. When really, he was probably hurting a lot worse than me. There was every reason for me to be mad, though. Every reason. Dad went off and cheated on mom, and with my friend at that, and then mom left and it was all a mess. A big mess that I think I acted appropriately in. Still. If I could, I'd go back to yesterday, and as dad left, I'd yell that I love him more. I guess there'd be a lot less mistakes in this world, if everyone could go back to yesterday at some point in their lives, though.

Holding myself tighter, I close my eyes and try to think of things that…that I haven't thought of in a while. Like how I used to view my parents, and how their lives together were. I try to picture them like I used to, not too long ago. As two badass lovers in the Capital Wasteland. My mom would probably wear really revealing Raider armor, like she does now. Dad? Dad's always worn that leather armor, and he probably did back then, too. I bet mom gave him a lot of headaches, because I hear my father was not a patient man back in the day. That he tolerated little to no bullshit. Knowing my mom, she must have really got on his last nerve. I can imagine my dad growing really annoyed with her, but because of his mindset back then, putting up with it. I bet they had little arguments that were really funny to watch, and really cute moments.

Thinking about these things makes me smile, but it also makes me really sad. My parents are a lot different now than they were back then. Partly because I was born, and they had to change a lot about themselves. I don't feel guilty about being born, since it wasn't like I had much of a choice in the matter. But still, I'd give an arm to see how they were in their prime. How their relationship came to be, and all those little fights they had. Mom used to tell me, before I knew of their past, that she would sit there and really mess with my dad's head. She would tease and taunt him, and in return, dad would leave her in slight distress. Nothing really serious, but he'd often let her get stuck somewhere, and watch as she tried to unsuccessfully get herself out. I don't know how much truth is in those old stories, but they're still fun to imagine, and think about.

Although I don't want to live like my parents did, I wouldn't mind in sharing some of their experiences. I wouldn't mind sharing a place in the Capital Wasteland with him. But, I'm definitely not wanting to experience what it's like to be an orphan. At least, not right now. I don't want to lose my parents this young, around the same time mom lost her dad. It's not that I don't think I'd be able to handle it, it's just…I'm just coming out of my shell. I'm learning a lot about who I am and what I want out of my long life. And I want my parents to be there for me. I want them to give me their advice and support, and I want them to be proud of me. Losing them now…I don't even want to think about what'd I do.

Sniffing my nose, I wipe away running snot. It's hard to not be upset right now. I don't know what I'd do if my dad didn't come home. He's always been there for me, you know? He's always been there, to scare away the monsters, tuck me into bed, and keep me safe. He was the fun parent, while mom was always the disciplinary one. Dad couldn't punish me, because I would just give him a look, and he'd instantly call my mom to handle it. I mean, as I got older, he was kind of forced to tell me what was wrong and right, but still, he's never grounded me, or smacked my bottom. Never could get mad, no matter what trouble I got into as a kid. Thinking about it, I think I'd be perfectly happy just walking around the Capital Wasteland with my dad. We have this strange bond together. A father and daughter that are really close. I'm not going to talk to him about woman problems, because he's never dealt with those very well, but everything else is good. Plus I'd be the safest girl in the world, if I was beside my dad.

Cain tries, but he's not able to keep me as safe as dad is. And it's not his fault, and nothing he can really help. My father has three-hundred years of experience in this world, and in combat. He was trained to do everything he does now. Cain wasn't. He was built to, but my parents kind of threw that plan out the window. Maybe one day, I'll feel safe with Cain, like I do with my dad, but it's not that day. I want to be an adult, but I know I'm nowhere near ready to deal with what an adult does. At least, not out here. I still don't know how to get my own food, or how to make my own fire. Cain knows just enough to survive out here. I don't, though. My mom and dad still have to teach me. They have a lot they have to show me. They have to come back, so they can show me things. Dad has to come back, so I can tell him that he has to teach Cain better, so I can feel safe. And he will, because the thought of me being in danger really annoys him. I have to ask mom how to find the most fun out here, without getting myself shot. She'll have some advice, but I won't follow it. Because mom has this uncanny ability to find the worst trouble. The trouble that gets people shot. But it doesn't mean I can't learn from her. Or have dinner with her, or talk about boys, or anything.

"Dizzy?"

Cain rubs my arm as I brush away tears. Thinking of all the stuff I haven't done with my mom and dad yet really reminds me that despite how much I want to grow up, I'm still just a kid.

"Yeah?"

"You alright?"

Shaking my head, I curl up even tighter. Mainly because I don't want to be held or touched. Not even by Cain.

"Just thinking of my mom and dad."

I wish I was as detached from them as Cain is. But not all of us can be adopted android clones.

"Diz, they'll be alright. They'll come home, watch."

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anything that could fill me with a useless hope. Mom used to tell me, that no hope was a false hope, because it was still hope. Right now, I seriously doubt that piece of advice. Then I remind myself there were a lot of times in mom's life, where hope was the last thing she thought of. And yet, things still turned out alright. The difference between me and mom, though, is that I'm not lucky. Between both my parents, they've used up all the luck I think this family has. For a few generations. If not the entire lineage.

Sighing, I stretch my legs out. Cain and I are sitting on top of one of the few boulders that the missile didn't destroy. I guess the good from that attack is it leveled the area around megaton. There's no giant rocks in the way of our vision now. I mean, there are, but not like there was before. I guess I just didn't inherit mom's optimism, when you think about it. Gob tells me she was never an optimist, and that she's lying when she says she was. Apparently mom was a huge downer. I can see that. I can see…someone like my mom being cynical, mean, and wanting nothing more than to annoy my dad. Tearing up again, I rub my eyes so I can hide the fact that I'm crying. Mom's so stupid. She's so damn stupid. Why'd she have to leave? I know dad said she was taken, but I can't be sure of that. I can't trust his judgment after he's been drinking for a month straight.

"Dizzy…"

Cain sighs, rubbing my knee. I'm not ready to be an orphan. I don't know anything about my grandparents still. Only that my mom's parents were scientists. I don't know about my dad's. I don't know about anything like that. Or…or even about how life in the vault really was, other than 'it sucked'. Why now, when I don't have my mother and father, do I want them more than ever? Why after my entire nineteen years of life, do I want to know all the answers to everything? Is it because I might not get to ever see my parents again? That's a stupid twist of fate.

"I want my mom and dad…"

I tell him, trying to hide my embarrassment. I mean, at my age Zack was…well I'm not sure what he was doing. I'm pretty sure he wasn't being a baby like I am, though.

"It's alright to be upset, Diz. You're worried, and that's okay."

"What if they never come back? What if they die out there?"

Cain shakes his head, giving me a smirk.

"After all they've been through, dying out there now would be asinine."

I think about that for a minute. I have to disagree. After all my parents have been through, dying out there would be the perfect ending to it all. Mom and dad dying together, after being overrun by too many enemies, telling one another that they'll always be in love, and not even death can separate them. That sounds more like my parents, than them being king and queen of domestic life and dying of a ripe old age.

"No. That'd be their perfect way to die, and you know it."

Cain takes his hand from my knee, and silently agrees with me. He rubs his head in pain, and shakes off a new wave of feelings.

"What is it?"

I ask, maybe a bit too eager. He looks at me, with those eyes we share. I can see, that it's not anything good.

"Your…father he's…he's really weak. He…"

"Where is he? Is he close?"

Cain stands up, and looks around before shaking his head.

"I don't know. I can't be sure, but…that way."

He points southwest, towards Rivet City.

"We have to try…we won't go far."

I say to him, as he helps me to my feet. Together, we scramble down the boulder, and start to walk. I want to run, you know. I want to run as fast as I can, in the hopes of finding my parents faster. But I know that'd waste energy. If dad's that hurt, he's going to need a lot of radiation, and I'm the one to give it to him. Cain and I didn't leave our homes very prepared. We have our guns, a couple of bottles of irradiated water, and a few handfuls of ammunition. Nothing you'd need for a trip into the Capital Wasteland. But mom and dad leave with nothing but their guns. I have to stop comparing myself to them. Not only do I not want such a dangerous life, but I'm also in no way as experienced as they are with this land.

"Do you feel anything?"

I ask Cain, after a whole five minutes of silent walking. He nods his head, and looks around, stopping.

"Yeah. It's getting a lot stronger. We're…we're going in the right way."

Cain puts his hand over his stomach, and crouches over in pain.

"Cain? Cain, what's wrong?"

When he pulls his hand away, it's stained with blood. We look at one another. He wasn't shot, and there's nothing to hurt him. Lifting his shirt, I find that there's no wound, but he's bleeding. As if it's coming through his skin, and there's a lot of it. A lot of blood, as it drips down into his pants like someone's left on a faucet.

"What…what is this?"

He shakes his head, knowing as much as I do.

"I can keep going. Come on."

Is it something they programmed into him? Or something we've never encountered before? Cain wasn't ever meant to meet my dad, I don't think. Maybe, that along with their freaky twin sense, they share wounds if they're close enough. If the wound is bad enough. But dad's been hurt a lot of times with Cain there. So why now is it affecting him? Worried more now than ever, I walk slowly beside Cain, trying not to cry. Trying to remain strong.

"It's…it's because…he's…"

Cain doesn't finish his words, as the blood starts to slow, and soon, it's stopped. All that's left is dried blood on his clothes and hands. We stop, so Cain can catch his breath. I stay quiet, and focused, wanting him to finish his sentence, even though I already know how it ends.

"Why did that happen?"

I demand, lighting a cigarette to help with my stress. Cain shakes his head, sighing.

"I…think if Charon or I get hurt badly enough…the other feels it. So then…"

"So then you know if the other dies."

"…Yeah."

I don't let myself panic, because there's no room or time for panic right now. I suppress my radiation from coming out, because I need to save it. Dad's somewhere close, he is. And he's hurt. He needs me, I can feel it in my bones. Not in the same way Cain can, but in a different way. I guess, I just have intuition.

"So why'd it stop? Why? Does that mean…"

"No. No it doesn't. Dizzy, he's alive but…"

"But barely, right?"

Cain nods, and I start walking again. I have to find my dad. I have to. I don't care about how mad I was when he left, I don't care about the month he spent drunk. He's still my dad, and I love him. I love him so much, because he's my hero. He's…he's the one who keeps those monsters away. He's the one who I hide behind when I get scared. He's…not allowed to die like that. Alone, in the Wasteland, without anyone knowing where he is.

Making it over the hill, Cain and I stop atop it and scan the area.

"Dizzy!"

He yells, pointing towards the city. Down below, a small blip against the dirt crawls. Small enough to where if you weren't looking, you'd never see it. I don't need details, though, to tell me that it's my father. My father. My dad. He's down there, he's dying. He needs me.

"Dad!"

I run, and even if Cain wanted to, he couldn't stop me. Down the hill, as fast as I can go, I run. More than once I trip, but it doesn't matter. My scrapes heal as fast as they appear, as I run towards my dad. Tears fly in the wind against my face, my heart pounds in my chest, begging me to stop. But I don't. I don't because my dad needs me now more than he's ever needed me before. I don't know what happened to him, but I don't care. I don't care, as long as he's alright. As long as he'll be okay.

Getting closer, I see that my father has someone on his back. That he's struggling to stand, instead of crawling. But it's not working. He falls back down to his feet, like he didn't hear me screaming for him. I realize, that the figure on his back, is a sad imitation, of the woman I knew as my mother.

"…No…"

I say, coming to a stop. Fear is what stops me, and causes Cain to push me as he runs up behind me. My mother…mom she looks so dead. She looks dead.

"Dizzy! Go!"

Cain yells as his arms propel me forward. Finding my feet once more, I rush to my father's side, and see my mother up close. She's thin, with closed and hollow eyes. I don't recognize her, but I know it's her.

"Dad! Dad it's okay, I'm here…dad…"

Only when I'm close, do I realize how badly my father is injured. He falls on his stomach, in a puddle of blood. It's his blood, and he's gasping for air. I feel his hand wrap around my hand. Quickly he places my hand on my mom, and looks me in the eye. His eyes, though, don't focus. I can't help it. I cry.

"Dad…daddy don't die…dad…"

"Diz...you...you have to work...harder than you usually do..."

"Okay, okay. I will don't worry. Please…please don't let go please…"

He wants me to focus all my attention on my mother, but I don't. Cain helps me move my mother from my father's back, so that he can roll over from his wound. With one hand on my mother, and the other on my father's stomach, I dig deep. I dig, and I find all the damned radiation I can. I push that out like it's some amazing and rare jewel. I damn near exhaust myself, trying to get my parents back on their feet. I don't know what happened, I don't care to know. I just want them to be okay.

"I'm taking her to the doctor."

Cain says, when the radiation doesn't help my mother open her eyes.

"You stay here, take care of your father, Diz."

Nodding, I let Cain pick up my mom, and watch him run off towards Megaton. Putting all my tired and exhausted attention on my father, I realize that my radiation was just enough to stop the bleeding.

"Stay with me, dad…"

I say, and I do something that I probably shouldn't. I think about how painful it'll be to have my mom die. I think about how upset I was when Cain was freaking out, about how mad I was at my father, and every terrible and sad thing that's ever happened in my life. What it does, is it upsets me enough to where I can output more radiation than I should. In the back of my mind, somewhere far away, my father scolds me, and tells me not to waste such energy on him. But I don't listen. I don't because he needs it. He's kept me safe my entire life. I can't spare any radiation right now. I can't. He's my dad, and I have to keep him safe, too.

"Dizzy…stop it is alright…"

When I open my eyes, I see a hole in my father's armor, and his skin where the wound should be. I feel used up, spent, and damn tired. But this time, I don't pass out. I can't. I have to get to mom now. I have to get dad to mom. They can't be apart now. Slowly, dad sits up and gets his bearings. His armor is soaked in blood, and I can't imagine how he made it all the way back here. If this was any other man, they'd be dead right now. But not my dad. No. He doesn't die. He's invincible.

"Daddy…"

I say as he stands, and I throw myself on him, sobbing. He hugs me back, trying to calm me, but I can hear the urgency in his voice.

"Dizzy, your mother, she is not well."

That's an understatement, by the looks of her. Wiping my face off, I try my best to regain my own balance, and look up at him.

"Dad, is mom gonna be okay? Dad, tell me, please?"

He begins to walk, not looking at me.

"I…may have failed her."

Mom told me, forever ago, that dad couldn't fail. That it wasn't in his contract, and even after that, it wasn't ever in his mindset. That it was important to him to always make sure she was safe. When I came along, of course I took priority, but once I could fend for myself, mom was back to number one. She said that…that dad took it as a failure on his part, if she were to get wounded. That he felt it was his duty to protect her, even if mom didn't need his protecting. I never understood the gravity of those stories, until now. When you see my father, and the look in his eyes, you just understand, how much it means to him, not to fail.

"No, dad, you didn't. You didn't mom's gonna be okay. I gave her radiation. I gave her…"

"She needs food, and water. She needs medical attention this is not something that a simple radiation banquet can fix!"

He yells at me, and instantly regrets it. I'm not mad, because I understand. We can't walk fast, though I know he wants to. But both of us are really weak. We both want to get home, but we have to get home at our own pace, lest we wear ourselves out.

"…But mom's too much of a bitch to die. She…she wouldn't die in a hospital bed, that isn't her. Dad, you…you know that."

"Sometimes, one cannot fight death."

"Liar! You told me…you told me if you're stubborn enough…nothing can kill you. Didn't you say that? You did!"

Dad stars at me, while I throw my immature temper tantrum. He says nothing, but nods his head, agreeing that in fact he did say it.

"Alright then! And mom isn't about to just _give up_. That's not mom. If it was, then she would have given up when she…I dunno when she got shot in the head. Or when she thought you died, or, or when the Outcasts took you far away, or…any of those other more severe and dire situations! Mom wouldn't just…she…"

I feel dad's arm around my shoulder. He pulls me close to him as we walk, and as I cry. I want to run, but I can't. I can't run. I want my mom now.

"Your mother is a strong woman. Yet…she used the last bit of her strength to save me. Though more stubborn than a mule, she has limits. Please, understand I only say this to be realistic. I do not wish to lie, and tell you of a false hope."

"False hope is still hope."

I don't bother to ask what a mule is. Probably a pre-war animal. A lot of what dad references is pre-war. I've stopped asking. My life went from sitting on a rock crying, to saving my parents' lives. All in about thirty minutes. Thirty minutes really can change your life. I think maybe, even five minutes can. It scares me, knowing how much life can change, in such a short time.

"I don't even know what my grandfather was like…"

I say, referring to my thoughts earlier in the day. Dad doesn't know about those thoughts, since there isn't time to talk about them right now. But instead of giving me a confused look, as we get to the top of the hill, and see Megaton in the distance, he talks to me.

"My father was a farmer, in a foreign country. Though nothing in comparison to your mother's father being a scientist, he was a good man. Strong, hardworking, and honest. A family man, who did all he could, for his wife and…what he could…for his child."

I look at dad. He told me his parents were dead.

"…Dad?"

"You wish to know, am I right? You wish to know of your lineage? Of where you come from?"

"Yeah but-"

"Your grandfather, my father, was a farmer. Nothing more. He worked, sold his crops, and met your grandmother. Neither one are from America. My mother met him when a pig went loose into his farmyard. He spent months trying to win her over, and she never relented. When she did, my father wasted no time in marrying her. Your grandmother was the daughter of a salesman. He sold watches. Both, are honest and hardworking. You can at least know that much."

It's not the time or the place to share this with me. I think dad's doing it so he can think of something other than mom's possible death. Actually, I don't know why he's telling me. But, I like it. I like hearing about it.

"…But if they were both working class, did you…how did…"

"They could not afford a child when they came to America. I was left in an orphanage. From there, the military took me. Your mother's parents were both scientists, and doctors. Together, they worked with a team of scientists on Project Purity, still working to this day in the Jefferson Memorial. It is because of that you have fresh water here, Dizzy. Your grandmother died after birthing your mother. Her father took her into the vault, and left nineteen years later to continue his work on Project Purity. When I met him…he did not approve of me. But I know now…he does."

Mom and dad keep so much to themselves, that I'm just like everyone else. I know the story as it is, without any details. But right now, as Megaton is a hop, skip and jump away, dad tells me a little more about their lives together. About where I come from, and what genes I carry. Farmers…and scientists. That's a really big difference. My dad is a mercenary, and my mom? I'm not sure what she is but she's something. And out of that, is me. Me, who can probably work just as hard as my farming grandparents, but be just as smart about it as my scientist side. Mom can't die, because knowing this now, I have so many more questions.

"Mom's…mom's not going to die. Because I won't let her."

I tell my father, as we get into Megaton. Stopping, dad looks at me, and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Dizzy. I made the mistake of sheltering you as a child. I did not want any harm to ever come to you. I never, wanted you to feel any of the pain and hurt that came with life out here. Now, I regret my actions. I did not know, that pain and despair, are part of life. And the more I shelter you from it, the worse it will hurt you. This world is not how you think. Your mother and I are not invincible. We bleed, and we wound. Please, understand there is a limit to what one can take. Understand, that simply wanting something bad enough, does not make it happen. I am not saying your mother will die, I am saying prepare yourself for if she does."

"And if she does? What about you? You and mom…can't be apart."

Dad's hands squeeze my shoulders, and I beg silently for him to answer me honestly.

"I will follow your mother."

He says it like he's ashamed of everything. Putting my hands over his, I do my best to smile at him.

"Dad. You didn't shelter me. I know that life can be really bad sometimes. And…I also know you and mom can't ever be apart. It's okay, dad. I'll be alright. I will. I don't…always need you to keep me safe. You without mom…is scary."

Dad brings me into a hug, and I realize…I'm not so sad. It's kind of like this weird and warm acceptance within myself. As if…it really is okay. I'm okay with not being number one anymore. I'm a big kid now. And mom and dad…they have their own story. They've made it this far together, that if one died without the other…it wouldn't make a good ending. I admire that, and I'm proud of them. I'm proud to have parents who love one another so much.

"Thank you for understanding, Dizzy. I am so proud of the woman you are becoming."

"We gotta go see mom, dad…"

"Yes."

Together, dad and I take off down to the clinic. Cain and Gob are already there, working with Church to save my mom. Gob runs a machine, while Church has both arms hooked up to two different IVs. Mom lays on a bed, half naked, with her eyes closed. She's hardly breathing, and she's skin and bone. My mother's always been so curvy, and so fit but now…not she's nothing but a skeleton, with a sheet of skin stretched over her. I've never seen anything like this. I've never seen someone so close to death.

"…Mom…"

"Get those goddamned kids out of here!"

Church yells, as Gob ushers us outside. I put my foot down, determined to prove to everyone in the room, and myself, that I'm not a kid all the time.

"No! I'm an adult now. I want to see my mother. You can't stop me."

Church looks at my worried father, who nods his head while he pats mom's forehead with a wet cloth. Gob starts to write things down, things he'll need to help get mom better. From his muttering, I can tell it isn't going to be easy. That mom is really far gone, and that it's going to be a long process.

"Is she going to be okay?"

I ask Gob, as he puts down his clipboard.

"Kid…"

Gob looks at my father, who again nods. Dad won't speak to anyone while this is going on. I can already tell that much.

"Kid, your mother is really ill. She needs time and space right now."

"But is she going to be okay?"

"We don't know yet."

It's news that I prepared myself for already. When you see someone looking like mom does, you figure that they're already dead. I know mom's a fighter, but dad's right. There is a limit. Looking at dad, while he tries so hard to remain strong around all of us, I make my choice.

"I'll go home. Dad?"

He looks at me, and I see the tears in his eyes.

"I love you. I don't hate you. I love you. Please, don't leave mom."

"I love you too. I will stay by her side, Dizzy. I promise."

Hugging my father, I take my leave. Mostly because…I think I need a minute, to digest everything that's happened, in the past thirty minutes.


	58. Limbo Prisoners

(Dezbe)

People often ask, if you could change your life, would you? Would you go back in space and time, and make small changes, that have great outcomes? My father often asked me that growing up. Not in a serious tone, but in a thoughtful and conversation-type kinda tone. He explained to me, that changing one thing, like taking a left down a hall instead of a right, could have extreme consequences on one's life. That if I went back in time, and chose to sleep in an extra five minutes, or not pick something up, it could have a huge impact on the life I went back from. If that makes sense. My father called it the 'Butterfly Effect'. I didn't know what a butterfly was, but he told me it was a pre-war insect, and showed it to me in a book.

He said the reason they call it that, is because if you go back and kill a butterfly, just one, it could destroy the whole ecosystem. That something so small, could in theory, have a dire effect on everything around it. Back then, I didn't understand why he shared this, and the Chaos Theory with me. I didn't know why I would need to know about it, or why it pertained to me. But maybe, I think now, I do. I think I understand now, why dad wanted to tell me about it.

It wasn't to broaden my education, as he knew I was stealing and reading his books while he was in the lab. He knew I was smart. So I think, he wanted to teach me a life lesson, by explaining life to me in a scientific theory. About how I should think before I make a choice, because I could really alter someone's life, my life, or the lives of those who inhabit the world. Back then, though, I thought the world was the vault. I thought there was just us, and I had no idea about anything else. I was so stupid, back then.

I see now, how the choices one makes in life, can affect those around them. Especially out here. I understand that, as I try to remember my past as precise and clearly as I can. Had I not gone into the Museum of History that night, I wouldn't have found Charon. Not finding him, wouldn't have set forth the series of events that came after. But going back even further…if I wasn't ever afraid of the dark, if I had gotten over that childhood fear sooner, I never would have met him. I never would have been scared to go to the tunnels, never been too scared to venture far and beyond the Capital Wasteland and would have said 'fuck it' to the mutant infested ruins. Yet, I never got over that fear. Because when I was ten, after my birthday, I told dad I was going to try and sleep with the light off. I did, and had terrible nightmares. From then on, it was lights on, all the time. I never bothered to get over it. I never thought I needed to. But if I had, if I had simply persisted…my life now…it wouldn't be mine.

So would I? Would I go back, and overcome that fear? Would I go and stay in the vault, rather than chase my father out? Would I instead of taking a right towards Megaton upon leaving 101, take a left? Would I change everyone's life as we all know it if I had the chance? Nova would be alive. Gob wouldn't have her, because Moriarty wouldn't have been shot. Nobody would have disarmed the bomb, and Mr. Burkes may have found someone to detonate it. Megaton, could possibly no longer exist. Zack wouldn't be born. Charon would remain with Ahzrukhal, and still be bound to his contract. Perhaps I would find him, but by then, it could be too late. I wouldn't be interested in a mercenary, because I know myself. At that point in my life, I would have been too strung out on Jet to care. So we'd never get together. The Outcasts, Talons, Brotherhood of Steel and Enclave would run this place. Dizzy…would never be born, and Cain would have grown in his facility.

Because of my choices, though, people have suffered. Countless have died, an innumerable amount have lost loved ones. I've caused Charon pain, and gone through pain. Is the pain that everyone went through, worth the outcome? That's the question I truly have to ask. The one I have to contemplate. So…do I go back? Do I go back to the moment I turned off those lights, and fully conquer that fear, forever changing everyone's lives as we know it? Do I decide to remain in the vault, and never leave, while instead dying alongside Jonas, leaving my father to succumb to Vault 112? If I had the ability, and the options, I wouldn't. I wouldn't change a damn thing about what I did. I wouldn't even be nicer to Charon during our first months together. I would do everything, exactly as I did it before.

Why? Don't I want to see life outside the one I've lived? Don't I want to see what other paths there are, and what happens? No. No, because life as I've known it, although painful at times, has been nothing but amazing. I've lived a full and prosperous life, and I have things to show for it. Battle scars I can brag about, a husband who loves me, and a beautiful young daughter. I have the best of friends, and a wonderful town that I've made my own. And a life without them, without those friends and loved ones in my life, as they are, isn't a life I want to live. Sure, they're broken, and they've gone through a lot of sadness, and sometimes we've all had to make hard choices, but in the end…in the end we're here. We all share a bond, that can't be broken by time, or hurt by distance. I've made an impression on them, and they've made one on me. So if you're asking me, I'm happy. I'm happy that I've left reasons to be missed. Reasons for them to smile, and a reason for them not to feel so alone.

Where I am now, in this dark place, isn't where I want to be. But I don't mess with time, or fate. I know this is where I'm supposed to be. My surroundings look similar to what you see, when you close your eyes tightly. Darkness, with blips of strange shapes, images, and slight color. Sometimes, I think I'm still in the vault. Other times I know I'm in Megaton, and I can hear the voices of those I love around me. It's a strange plane of existence here. Not being able to see, speak or move. I can't tell everyone what I want to tell them. I can't move, or signal that it's alright. That everything is alright, because of the choices I've made, and the ones they've made, too.

If I never escape this place…I know…I've left reasons to be missed. I know that they'll forget the mistakes I've made. I know they'll reflect on the memories I've left them with. Friendship, love, loyalty, and for my daughter, an example. An example that no matter how much hope is lost, there is still some left. Somewhere, in the dirtiest parts of life and its events…there's hope. I've never been perfect, but neither are those I'd leave behind. I still want to show Dizzy the world, though. I have so much more to tell her, so much more to explain, and so much more to see her do. Charon would feel such a despair, and loss if I left. But I hope, if anyone feels empty because of my leaving, that they'd keep me in their memories, and just remember those times we all laughed together. Those countless beers drank, and cigarettes smoked. The nights where the night sky was nothing but a shimmering blanket, warmed only by a dying fire somewhere in the Capital Wasteland.

I hope they forget my suicide attempts. I hope they forget all the pain they've learned to hide. I hope that they instead take a moment every now and again, and smile. Because the life we all lead now came at a cost. A cost of lives, bullets, and sacrifice. My father died for Project Purity, and to this day, if it weren't for him, there'd truly be no pure water. I only started the machine. My father built it, set it up, left, only to return once more and fix it. All I did, was hit buttons. At the cost of his life, we drink clean water. At the cost of the Brotherhood, we have freedoms never before welcomed here. At the cost of my body, nobody dares threaten this land. At the cost of Charon's mental state, we have a mercenary, ready to die before letting anything happen to Megaton.

I've left enough reasons to be missed. If I have to leave, I just hope they don't resent me for it. I don't control fate, and even if I did, I wouldn't change it. Changing fate means to change life for those I love and care for. If my death ensures my daughter's longevity and a happy life, so be it. I know it'll cause Charon pain, but we've never really been that selfish now, have we? Think about it with me for a moment, while I float in limbo.

Did I really have to destroy those bases? I could have just taken Charon and run somewhere else. I could have done that at any point in time. But I didn't. I didn't, because well…there's always been a plan I didn't know. A reason I couldn't see, behind my actions. I guess liberating this land was it. Saving those who once hated me, and giving my ghoul-friends a safe place, somewhere alongside humans. I succeeded, too. And although my life led me to dark places…places of rape, torture, and wounds that leave more than external scars…I can still smile at it. I can still smile, because for each terrible moment, there was one bright one. One action, look, or time that made it all worthwhile. I suppose it'd be with Charon, but sometimes it was Gob. Sometimes just knowing I had a friend was enough to keep going. A friend who just loved me and cared because I was just me. In Gob, I had someone to fight for. In Charon, I had someone to love.

Those nights I spent with Charon, where we weren't yet together, but I had feelings, and didn't know his…those nights are precious to me. Where we'd bicker, and insult, while at the same time enjoying every second of it with a silent laugh. If I lived through all of this, just to make his life worthwhile for a few decades, then I've done it. I always thought to myself, when Charon would play with Dizzy and leave me to nap or take a break from child rearing, that if anything were to happen to me…I'd live long enough to save Charon. I'd stay alive, just until I knew he was okay, and then I'd let go. Then, and only then, would I allow myself to stay where I am now.

I bet you're wondering, why Dizzy isn't part of that. I'm a mother, and she should be, you're thinking. She is. She is as much a part of it as Charon is. But I know my daughter. I know that despite her maturity with the recent months, she's not ready to be alone. She's nowhere near ready to lose her parents, as I did at that age. Ensuring Charon's survival, also ensures my daughter's protection. Dizzy will have someone to grieve alongside, and someone to endure it with. Dizzy needs her father, more than she needs me. I am her mother, and her friend, but when she is scared and alone, it is her father she cries for. I'm okay with that, too, because I know there's nobody safer in this world than Charon. For her to cry for me when in danger, would worry me. I will keep her safe of course, but not as well as her father. Which is why as long as Charon lives, Dizzy will be alright. She's strong, that girl. She takes after her father more than she knows. Though she's acted like me, it's her father's personality that's taking over.

I wish I could see it. I want nothing more than to watch my daughter conflict with two opposing sides. To watch her decide if she should throw a fit, or instead calculate a plan. I see it in her eyes, that there's a wild side, worse than what anyone's seen, just begging to come out. It claws at her, and I know she denies it. I know she pushes it down, and wants to reside to a quiet life. But a quiet life isn't in her blood. She's the product of two people who thrive for war and action. Dizzy won't last long in silence and peace. She wants to, but I know her better than she thinks. Eventually, that dark side will come out. She's going to have to deal with it then. It won't be easy, I know. I know this, because I've been there. Because that darkness, is what caused me to want to die the night I bought Charon. That darkness is what drove my Jet addiction, and want for adventure and avoidance of responsibility. That darkness…is what caused a crippling dependence, on the man who is now my husband.

My life was full, and rich. I saw some of the world, and experienced all things worth experiencing. Both good, and bad. I've loved, and I've hated. Most of all, Charon is safe. If my last breath was my dying one, I'm glad it was getting him that Quantum, and calling his name. I'm glad that the last thing from my mouth, was his name. The last thing I remember, anyways. And Charon, he kept his promise. He kept it. You know, that promise he made so many years ago, when we first met. The promise that he can't die before me. Back then, it was because I couldn't live without him. Or thought I couldn't. Now, it's because Dizzy needs him.

In the distance, far away, I can hear voices. It sounds like people talking underwater, if people could talk underwater. I can't understand what they're saying, but that doesn't surprise me. It's been like this since I've been in this place. Sometimes I can make out a word or two, but it doesn't mean anything to me. I want to tell whomever is talking that I'm fine. That I'm okay and just in this place, is all. But I can't. I feel like I'm locked inside my own body, and that I don't have control over it anymore. It's alright, though. I'm not mad about that, either. Like I said before, if I never left this place, there's nothing I would change about my life. Nothing I would do any differently, and there's no regrets. When you think about it, everything happened for a reason. Even Butch, hard as that may be to believe.

I remember Butch, and what happened with us. I guess his reason in my life, was showing me what I didn't want to be. Subservient, down-trodden, and abused. But nobody wants that. I guess Butch also gave Charon a push in his own right, though I don't know. I never asked. There were nights, where I would lie awake beside Charon, and wonder all of this. Wonder about my life, and my choices. Wonder what I would change. I never wanted to change it. Even when I was shunned and hated, even when I was taken and tortured, I never wanted to change my life. There's a part of me, that'll be sad if I stay here. If I never wake up, and have to remain like this. I want to tell those I love that I love him, but I'm sure wherever I go, they'll be there. I'll be able to tell them then, and in the meantime, they know. Did I deserve the abuse the old Megaton gave me? No, probably not. But I understand now, that people were just scared. Scared of me, and the change that was coming to the world, of mine and Charon's relationship. All they'd known was the world they lived in, and Megaton. The routines and survival. Change was scary to them. I didn't see that then, but I do now. I understand a lot more now. I guess with age, does come wisdom.

The darkness that engulfs me, starts to brighten up. It glows, and looking over, I see a bright tunnel. So. I guess this is really it. I guess this is where I make that final choice of should I stay, or should I go. But as the light shines and warms me, as if it's calling to me, with unheard beautiful noise, I suppose I don't have a choice. If it was my fate, to live until this moment, and ensure Charon's safety, then so be it. I may never know why those soldiers took me, but that's alright. I won't be there with my daughter, to see her grow and experience life in all of its good and bad, but somewhere, I'll be watching. That's alright with me, too. Charon won't take this well, but he does have to learn to function without me, although…Charon and I are two halves to one whole. Sometimes, halves can't function, but I'm sure he'll be alright. Just as Gob and Zack will be. I've left enough behind for everyone to be happy. Memories, safety, a life worth living. I've gotten to do a lot more than I ever thought, and for that, I'm happy.

Standing up, I take my first small step into that warm and engulfing light. A wave of contentment, and security washes over me. The same feelings I get when Charon holds me at night, safe and secure. Although he's not here with me right now, I can feel him. I can feel him around me, beside me, and holding on to me. And as I slowly walk forward, I just ask that he doesn't ever forget me. Though, I don't see how he can.


	59. Bound by the Life You Left Behind

(Charon)

The nights are long. The days, short. Nothing has changed, aside my perception of time. In the day, people come in and out. They come for small things, medicine, and for talk. Church has done well, to keep everyone away. To make the conversations short, and advice shorter. He separates Dezbe and myself from the world, by placing a thick white curtain up. Though there have been moments where a curious person got too close, it was quickly resolved. It has been a week, since returning from Mama Dolce's. A week, where Dezbe has made no progress. A week, since I have left this clinic. I refuse to leave her side, if even for a second. I could never forgive myself, if something were to happen, and I was not present.

Barrows and Graves have come from Rivet City upon hearing the news. Gob sent word, to our friends across the Wasteland. Roy and Bessie Lynn also returned, and all of them are staying with Dizzy. I am glad, that she has trusted friends of the family alongside her. They help her, and Barrows came with all of Cain's paperwork, to help keep them distracted from the reality at hand. To help sway Dizzy's mind, from possibly losing her mother. Roy comes in from time to time, and asks permission to take Dizzy into the Wasteland to teach her some new things. I always allow, because I want my daughter prepared for the worst. I want her to know what to do, if the worst happens. Barrows, a more efficient doctor than Church, came with medical devices from Rivet City. Ones to monitor Dezbe's heart rate, and pulse. He comes daily, to check her numbers and charts, and yet each day is the same. No progress.

Dizzy comes, when she can handle it, to give her mother radiation. She talks to her, since Barrows claims people in comas can hear those around them. Even if he had not said that, Dizzy would still talk to her mother, just as I do. She tells her of her day, and the things she is learning. About Cain, and his programming, about the world from Roy, and how accurate her shooting has become. At night, it is only myself with Dezbe. I speak to her as well. I tell her that there are people here who love her, and she must wake up. That without her, this town is meaningless. That if she were to pass, I do not know how I would be able to handle it. In this day and age, there is little one can do for someone in Dezbe's state. There are no advanced medicines as there were in pre-war, simply because that knowledge and technology were lost with the war. Barrows told me this morning, that there may be nothing we can do at this point, and if Dezbe did wake, she may be quite brain dead. He said he would do nothing without my consent, but suggested I make the choice as soon as I can. In other words, I must choose to allow my wife to die, or to keep her in this state. It is a heavy burden, that presses down upon my shoulders.

How can I look upon Dezbe's face, and make a choice so grave? To look upon the face that broke me from my contract, and loved me so deeply, and decide if she is worthy still of life? How could I possibly be able to do such a thing? Dezbe means more to me than my own life, and now I sit here, alone, and ponder what I must do. Do I kill the only woman I have ever loved, and devoted forty years to? The woman who forever changed my life, and gave me a second chance to be a human being? A being that I was meant to be, instead of forced to be. The woman…who loved me when many only saw me as a gun for hire, or a monster. Why, does fate have to play this way? Did I return from death only to watch my wife die?

Perhaps, that is how fate works. In the end, someone must die. A life cannot be brought into this world, without a life first dying. Did I give up my own death, only so Dezbe could die in my place? I do not wish to accept that. Why, does someone who has sacrificed as much as Dezbe has, have to die? Can it not be a citizen, who has lived their life into their old age? Why someone as young as Dezbe? Then again, Dezbe was not supposed to live this long. It was by pure accident she has been able to. Radiation is what changed her fate. I know fate can be changed, I have changed mine. So can I not change hers as well? Can I not die in her place?

"Dezbe? Can you hear me?"

I whisper, alone in the clinic, with the moonlight shining in. Gently, I take her hand in mine. She is colder, than normal, and I wish that I could just feel her move. Even if it is just a small twitch, I would give my very soul to feel it. At least then, I would know what to choose.

"Dezbe…they are asking me to make a decision soon. A decision that I do not believe I am strong enough to make. Dezbe I know you can hear me. Please, I believe you are in there, but we need…we need proof. We cannot…"

I cannot finish my sentence, as the tears fall from my face. I stare at her, her cheeks still hollow, her eyes still dark. If she is to die, please do not let it be like this. A shell of her former self. She cannot die this way, after all we have endured. It cannot happen so simply and so…so easily. Dez is a fighter. A fighter if I have ever seen one, and she cannot…simply give up now. Though I know the limits one can take. Despite one's stubborn strength, there are times where they falter. It has been so long, that I am wondering, if perhaps, Dezbe has faltered.

"I cannot…I cannot do this. Please, Dezbe, do not force me to do such a thing. To choose something like this. After…all we have gone through…please Dezbe."

If she needs someone by her side, to help her relearn everything, I will be there. If she needs assistance, I will be there. I will sacrifice all I can if only she will wake. If only she will give me a flutter of movement, a twitch of her finger, a deep breath, something, anything. Just a notion that somewhere within that mind the woman I met and fell in love with is still present.

Letting go of Dez's hand, I move closer, and smooth her hair. My hands fall on her sunken cheeks, as I stare into her closed and echoing eyes. Tears flow down my face mercilessly, as they remind me of the very emotions Dezbe taught me how to feel.

"…You cannot leave, because I have yet to learn how to deal with such a loss. You must guide me through this, Dezbe. You cannot leave a mercenary alone with his mind. You know what happens, Dez. You know that…just please…please wake up."

My tears fall upon her chest, which dawns my own black shirt. I washed it as soon as I could, rinsing the blood and pus from it, so that she could wear it. Wear the most comfortable thing in her wardrobe. My own chest is raw once more, but it is nothing. I want so badly for Dez to simply flutter, or make such a small movement, I have to question if I saw it. But if I question it, then I will know to postpone the choice to let them kill her.

"I just got you back, Dezbe. You cannot leave again. I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I believed you had left. If I was wiser, had paid closer attention, then I could have spared you this. It is my fault, please…please just…"

I cannot finish as I let my hands fall between my legs, while quieted sobs escape through my lips. Losing my wife like this? In such a way? I cannot bear it. If Dezbe leaves here, then I will follow. Suicide was highly frowned upon in pre-war, and even in my facility. To do such a thing was a sign of weakness, and lack of restraint. I understand now, why those poor souls took their own lives. I understand, the pressure, and the weighing burden of failure and sadness. Many may see my inability to continue on without my wife as weakness, but they do not know me. They do not know us. Dezbe and I have been together through nearly everything, and for us to part…only death could part us. Lifting my head, I look at my wife in the moonlight. She looks as if she is sleeping so peacefully. As if…as if she will wake, at any moment.

"I have done my best here, Dezbe. Though I know it was not much. In the past, I could not feel, and so I tried to touch you in other ways. Show you that I loved you even then by doing small things. I have always told you the truth, and I mean it when I say I am sorry. It was not supposed to go this wrong, but Dezbe if I can stand before the creators of heaven and hell and demand your life so be it. If I must fight the Devil himself I will. I understand now, why so many men of ancient times, waged war and wrote plays, in the name of love. I could never see it before, Dezbe. I see it now, and perhaps…perhaps it is too late. But one last chance for us…is not much to ask. It is…the most difficult and yet simple request one can make."

I glance down and see her ring, dimly lit in the moonlight. It does not shimmer as it once did, but instead emits a fainting glow. One like a candle, where if one treads too heavily, it will be blown out. Sighing, I wipe my face, and regain my composure. Begging will get me nowhere, and I know I must choose. Not tonight, but soon enough to where it feels as if I do not act soon, others will act instead. Standing, I go over to the corner, and examine the weapons Church left on behalf of Barrows. In pre-war, there was a simple order of chemicals one could emit to pass a person into death. Here, in this world, there is no such method.

As hollow as Dezbe is right now, I do not wish to destroy her beauty. I wish to simply…simply allow her a safe passing into another world. Using my own gun would prove counterproductive, and messy. I could not handle it. Instead, I choose a small pistol. One powerful enough to kill, with little mess. Trembling, I hold it in my hands. Barrows is right. I know that…Dezbe could wake permanently damaged. To where no amount of rehabilitation and patience could change her. I have seen such people live like that, and it is not an existence Dezbe would be happy with. She is happiest running about, shooting, and being able to tackle anybody, man or woman. To confine her to a life where she was not able to do such things is abuse, and cruel. I cannot see her that way, and I know depression would take her. She would no longer be the woman I love, but instead, a being destined to live the remainder of their long life without the ability to survive on their own. No. I cannot allow that.

Returning to my seat beside her, I clutch the pistol. My mind is fully aware of what I am about to do, and yet, I cannot force my body to respond. My hands will not lift, my fingers will not find the trigger. Sitting beside her, the gun falls from my hands. It is not me who can take life from the woman, who gave me a second chance. Who taught me that there is so much more to this world, than mindless killing.

"Charon?"

Gob's voice calls from the entranceway to the clinic. I quickly clean my face, and clear my throat.

"In here."

Gob walks in, looking exhausted, as if he has not slept in days. I stare at him, silent, waiting for him to state his business here. His gaze falls downward towards Dezbe, and he sighs heavily. I can tell that he too, is suppressing emotions.

"There hasn't been any change, has there?"

He asks me, stepping inside and closing the white curtain behind him.

"No."

"Barrows…told us what may have to be done. He came and discussed it up at your house, with all of us."

"…How is Dizzy?"

"She didn't take it well, but, she's safe. She's with friends, and sleeping last I checked. She was upset at first, but I think she understands."

A silence falls over us, as we stare at Dezbe. I wish to lie to myself, and claim she is only sleeping. That tomorrow she will wake and all will be well. But it is a lie I have told myself all week, and each morning, there has been no change. My heart weighs heavily with my choice. I know what must be done, but I do not wish to carry it out.

"Gob…what am I to do? I cannot…I cannot do what is being asked of me."

Gob shifts uncomfortably in front of me, from one foot to the other. He sighs, and wipes tears from his face, thinking I do not notice.

"No, I understand. Ya…ya can't be expected to do it. An' we talked about that. Barrows agreed to be the one, if you want."

Although I do not wish to kill my own wife, allowing someone else to do so seems…barbaric. As if it is void of humanity.

"Dezbe is my wife. I shall do what is necessary."

"And Dizzy? She wants to say goodbye."

"...Perhaps it is best, if I do not tell her. If she thinks her mother passed in her sleep. I do not feel she would look at me the same, knowing I killed her mother, even if she does understand why."

Gob thinks it over, and nods his head.

"Yeah. Yeah, I see what you mean. Alright."

"Please…leave me with Dezbe."

At first he does not move, but when he sees me reach for the pistol at my feet, and hold it in my hands, he nods and silently departs. My daughter cannot know that her father was forced to kill her mother. I do this as my last attempt at protecting her. As my last will and testament, so to speak. I do not plan on living much longer, after doing such an act. Without Dezbe, I do not feel the urge to continue on. We have been together for so long, living without her feels heartless, and void.

Hearing the door to the clinic close, I know I am alone. I know what I must do, and by postponing it I am only bringing myself and those around me more pain. Pain, that is unnecessary, and could be handled better without this. If Dezbe dies, then we shall grieve accordingly. However as long as she remains in this state, there will be no moving forward. I understand that much, of humanity.

"…I have to do this, my love. I…I do not want to…I do not think I can…but I must. I must…"

Dropping the gun, my body shakes and quivers. I feel sick, nauseous, as I shudder. Grabbing Dezbe's hand, I clasp it tightly, while reaching for the gun with my other hand. Staring at her, as the cold steel warms against my palm, I try as hard as I can to find the strength and courage to just…end her misery. It is a futile, and useless attempt. Dezbe cannot pass this way. She cannot leave, in such a pitiful way. It is not her, it does not fit who she is, or all that we have done.

"I cannot."

I say to myself, and place the pistol on the floor for the final time. It will not be me who pulls the trigger, and it will not be anyone else. It will not be tonight. All she needs is more time. Time to find her way back, time to regain herself, and come into this world again. Rubbing my face with my hands, I know that I have never been faced with something as difficult as this.

"…I believe in you, Dezbe. I will do all I can to find a way to help you."

Barrows has brought all the equipment he could. There is no more in Rivet City that could help her. But perhaps…perhaps the vault has something that could be of use. Dezbe's own father worked in that vault, and worked well as far as I have heard. There must be something within that vault, to help Dezbe recover from this. Whatever it is, I will find it. I will do what it takes, despite how impossible it may be. But when you are in love, there are no barriers. As the song says, the difficult I will do now, but the impossible shall take a while.


	60. Down Here, Alone, Sent to Burn

(Jasper)

Zack and I started working on our house together. It's coming along great, though we argued about the size. I wanted a big house, like Dizzy has, while Zack wanted a smaller one. So we just agreed to do what we could with the materials at hand. Since there's not much steel to pass around, we have to make do. Problem is, we hardly got any walls up, before something went down. All we were able to do was to make a pile of materials, and then wouldn't you know, something happens. Something always seems to happen here.

I wasn't around to see it, since things between Dizzy and I are still hostile. I mean, on her part, they are. But I guess Charon and Dezbe came home, and things weren't looking good. I haven't gone down the clinic to see. There's a good reason for that, too. I'm simply not welcome there. I guess what happened, is that Dez didn't actually leave. She was kidnapped, or something. And Charon found her, and she was all sorts of injured. So he brings her home, and he's wounded, and Dezbe is now in a coma-like state down in the clinic. That's about it. Gob doesn't come home at night anymore, since he, Roy, Graves and Barrows are all staying up at Dizzy's house with her and Cain.

The first night Dezbe got back, and Gob was there, I guess Dizzy spilt the beans about what happened between me and Charon. Luckily Zack wasn't there, so he didn't hear. But Gob did. When he came home, and I asked about Dezbe, he gave me one evil look and told me I wasn't welcome at the clinic. Not because of Charon's orders, but because Dizzy doesn't want me near her parents. I've lost any progress I've made with making Gob like me, by Dizzy opening her mouth like that. I didn't want to tell anyone, and I certainly didn't want people to find out that way. But, it happened. At first I could understand Dizzy's anger towards me. I was all ready to apologize and everything and take my punishment from her, in whatever form it may be. Now that she's told Roy, Graves, Barrows _and_ Gob, though, I'm not so sure I want to forgive her.

I guess it just makes me really mad, to see her getting all the attention. That's really mean to say, especially in these circumstances, but right now my only friend and companion here is Zack. It's getting old, to only have one person to talk to. The Megaton citizens simply want nothing to do with me. I can't tell you why, because I don't know, but I wouldn't doubt that Dizzy told them, too. So nobody here likes me, and Zack is in the dark about it all. Gob said he wasn't saying anything, but that he hopes his son finds a woman of better quality to be with. I'm a good woman. I love Zack dearly. What happened between Charon and I was nothing more than a mistake. A simple mistake, even though it felt good. It was still a mistake. Now I'm paying the ultimate punishment. Which is not fair on my end, at all.

Zack's also been spending a lot of time at Dizzy's house, too. It's been a week and a half, and 90% of his time is spent up there. Sometimes he goes to the clinic and visits Dez, but honestly I couldn't care any less. I'm sick of everyone giving them attention, while I'm sitting here working my ass off to earn back some semblance of dignity and respect. Dezbe is in a coma, and it isn't going to change. Dizzy is a mean, masochistic bitch, and that's not going to change, either.

Lucky for me, it's morning time, and Zack hasn't run off to Dizzy's house. I'm not invited when he leaves, because he knows I'm not welcome there. As far as he knows, Dizzy and I just had some sort of big fight and she doesn't like me anymore. Other than that he thankfully has no idea, but I know that's not going to last very long. Eventually someone is going to say something. I guess my shaming in Megaton isn't complete until nearly everything is taken from me. I wonder, if any of them know what it's like to be hated this much? Probably not. No.

"I'm surprised you're not at Dizzy's."

I say to Zack, who can easily sense the anger and discontent in my voice as he sits up beside me in bed.

"I'll be going up later. Why, are you mad I'm spending so much time there?"

"Kind of. I feel ignored and neglected."

Zack sighs, since we've had this conversation before. I glare at him, while he ignores my gaze.

"Jasper…look, Dizzy needs a lot of support right now. Her mom might die, and her dad won't take that lightly."

"Support I understand, but being there so much? It's been like, a week and a half, Dezbe isn't going to wake up anytime soon."

It comes out of my mouth before I can stop it. Instantly, before I even finish the sentence, I know I've pissed off Zack. He glares at me, anger and resentment appearing clearly in his eyes. He's never looked at me light that before, but then again I've never pissed him off so much before.

"…You're a fucking bitch."

"Zack, everyone knows it."

"But nobody just _says_ things like that, Jasper. That's horrible."

I shake my head while he lights a cigarette.

"I don't get what's so great about them. Why everyone likes them. I mean, Megaton is ready to be there at the drop of a hat for that family, and why? What am I missing in this storyline? I mean, I get it, they protect Megaton and killed a bunch of people. But really, are they _that_ important?"

Zack is clearly pissed off, and he doesn't try to hide it. He glares at me and makes me feel like shit without even saying anything mean.

"Jasper, you know I grew up with Dezbe and Charon. I don't need to explain it again. She's like a mother to me, you know that."

"But she's not your mother, and that doesn't explain why everyone else loves them so much."

He sighs, while I get up to find my shoes. As if I'm actually going to go somewhere. I just want to build our house, and start our life. I don't want Dizzy or her family coming in the middle of us. Just some goddamn peace and quiet would be nice. I mean, yes I'm sorry for what I did with Charon, but enough is enough. I've had it.

"Because they've done more for this land, and these people, than I can tell you this morning. It's a long story, and you need to just trust that they mean a lot to everyone. Shit, especially my dad. Jasper, Dezbe is my dad's longest and only friend, aside from Charon. You're acting like you don't know any of this already. This is completely opposite of how you really are."

"Maybe I'm just sick and tired of everyone being mean to me."

"Nobody told you to help destroy our town, Jasper. That could be a big reason for it."

"Well…nobody wants to leave the past in the past."

Zack doesn't say anything more to me as he gets dressed. Despite my attacks and attempts to get him to speak, he just ignores me. It bothers me more than if he would just yell at me, like our fights usually go. He's never outright ignored me, or given me the silent treatment like this. Even when he leaves, he doesn't look at me, and just slams the door hard enough to make the house shake.

Standing in the middle of my bedroom, I really start to contemplate if I should just go back to New Vegas. Though, that's easier said than done. I'm stuck here, unless someone wants to walk me there. Nobody seems to jump at the chance to help me around the house, let alone walk me across the country. I don't even know how to shoot a gun properly, let alone fend for myself in the Wasteland. And what if I run into a fire gecko? Do they even have those here? I wouldn't know, I never really leave Megaton. Mostly because I don't know how to survive in the Wasteland, any Wasteland, and partly because I have nowhere to go. Zack isn't too keen on wanting to take me out to explore at this moment, either.

I know that Dezbe is like a mother to Zack. That he was raised with her, and that he's always looked up to her. But what about everyone else? Surely nobody here was alive when Dez first came here, save for Church, but that's weird enough. According to the rumors, he's immune to radiation, too, but doesn't say anything. But that's not who I want to discuss. I mean, if everyone was born in Megaton, then all they know is Megaton, and with that comes only knowing Charon and Dezbe. Like a religion they follow because everyone else does, and they don't really know why. I don't know why, because nobody wants to explain it to me. I think that nobody wants to explain it to me, because nobody knows.

A part of me feels like I should just go try and talk to Dizzy, you know? Just try and make amends, because she is a great friend, and when we were on good terms the citizens were really nice to me. I liked that feeling of acceptance and belonging. I really miss it, especially since everyone is spending all of their time away from me. Sighing, I figure that's the best thing I can do. Try to talk to her, even though she's hardly the talking type. Hopefully it'll be her who answers the door, and not anyone else. Having to ask for Dizzy would set things off rough, since once she knows it's me, she'll more likely than not shut the door in my face.

Yeah. That's the best option, I figure, as I leave the house. I can see people down at the clinic, so maybe something big enough happened to where most everyone is needed. Except Dizzy. I don't really want to catch her if her mom happens to die. I shudder just thinking how insane her and her father would turn if that happened. They're not the most emotionally stable people out here, it seems. But that's not the way to think right now. I have to stay positive, despite my anger. I have to at least make amends with Dizzy, and maybe then I won't be so angry about everything. Maybe things will brighten up, and who knows, maybe Dez will wake up and they can go on another adventure or whatever it is they do.

Arriving at Dizzy's house, I take deep breaths. The weather isn't as warm as it was when I first got here, so the whole cold breeze thing doesn't help my anxiety. But still, I have to try, right? I mean, what else is there to do out here? Sit in the house more and wait for something good to happen to me? Not likely. Knocking on the front door, I count up to ten in my head to keep myself focused on something other than my nerves. It feels like a lifetime before the door finally opens. Much to my relief, it's Dizzy who answers. She looks tired, and her eyes have this eerie seriousness in them. They reminds me of her father's eyes, and how he always has a cold and distant look. Maybe 'distant' isn't the right word, maybe 'stern' is more befitting. She just stares at me, not saying anything. It creeps me out a bit.

"Hi, uhm…look I came to talk to you. I mean if you want to talk. I just…wanted to clear the air between us."

Dizzy doesn't say anything. She doesn't close the door, or invite me in. Instead, she folds her arms over her chest, and leans against the door frame. I guess she's waiting for me to continue.

"Look. I'm really sorry about what happened. I am. But…it's not like I would do it again. I wasn't thinking…and I just don't want you to be mad at me. People…make mistakes, you know?"

"…Blowing up someone's town, and then making out with that someone's father doesn't classify as a 'mistake', Jasper."

Right, well, when you word it like that...Nodding my head, I figure it's best to agree with her, even though I think her small jar of forgiveness is empty. If I don't get her to like me again, I can resign myself to being the only hermit in Megaton.

"Diz, I'm sorry, alright? I don't know what else I can do or say to make you feel better."

"Going a good six months without fucking something up would be a nice start."

Her dry tone doesn't help calm me in the least. Though Dizzy isn't much for muscle, she's quite intimidating. I think it's that cold look she's adapted. But even before that, Dizzy's always had this weird air of 'don't fuck with me' around her. And nobody really did. I've never seen her strength, or fighting skill, but with that radiation thing she has going on I can't imagine she'd be an easy fight. Not that I want to fight her, I'm just expecting her to attack me at any given moment.

"I…You're right, again. But Dizzy believe me when I say I would travel elsewhere if it made you happy, but I have nowhere to go. And I want to stay with Zack. He's not in the mood to leave Megaton at all."

She rolls her eyes and lights a cigarette. Why does everything she does scare me right now?

"And why should he leave? Because you asked him to? That's not a good reason, if you ask me."

I have to bite my tongue so I don't snap and say that nobody asked her. She walks around like she owns this damn town, and it's getting on my last nerve. But I don't say anything mean. I can't, I'm kind of scared of her, after all. Plus this woman stands between me and a peaceful existence in this place.

"Dizzy we worked really great together as friends. I understand why you're mad, but all things considered, it's time to forgive. I mean what would your mom think?"

That gets an evil look. I shouldn't have brought up her mom. I have no idea what I was thinking.

"…My mother would kill you dead for what you did."

"You can't blame just me, I mean, your dad did it, too."

Wrong move. I feel a hot fist connect with my jawline, as I'm knocked back. Pain registers in my mind seconds later, and I realize I've just screwed up big time. This is not how our conversation went in my head. And since when does Dizzy just outright punch someone? Since it's me talking, that's when.

"What the hell, Dizzy?"

I yell, moving my jaw and feeling my cheek swell a bit. That really hurt, why the hell is she so angry? Oh, yeah, I remember. Because having a mommy and daddy who love her can be so goddamn stressful.

"My father paid for what he did! You have no right to bring him up! You have no right to even _be_ here! After what you've done I should just tell everyone and have them run you right out of here!"

"Dizzy, I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"That's bullshit and you know it! You don't nuke a town and break a family and think an 'I'm sorry' is going to fix all of it! Are you fucking retarded? I think you are. I never should have let Zack bring you from New Vegas…"

"Like Zack would listen to you!"

A sinister smirk crawls across her face, and I realize she knows something that I don't. Something I haven't quite figured out. It makes my heart pound and my blood run cold.

"Actually, he would…"

"He wouldn't…he loves me."

"Oh come on, Jasper. You really are that stupid."

When Zack and I first met, there was a woman he loved. He told me, well, he didn't really have to tell me, I guess back then I just knew. But back then I didn't love him. I had no intention of loving him. I just did. So when I fell in love with him, I just pushed that memory way back in my mind, and simply never thought of it. But I remember now, and remember that when they first took over Gomorrah, Zack was indeed in love. And it wasn't with me.

"…You wouldn't dare. You have Cain!"

"Who said anything about wanting anyone? I don't want Zack, but you seriously doubt the ties we each have to one another. Zack won't take your word over mine. Especially if my father is on board with it."

"Dizzy, don't."

"Why not? You take my town, and hurt my mother. Why shouldn't I just take away all that you love, too?"

She talks with her dry tone still. It's mocking me, and I can see in her eyes she's determined to not forgive me. I didn't know what I was expecting by coming here. Maybe some humanity?

"Because you're not that cruel, Dizzy."

One eyebrow raises, as she tosses her cigarette aside. I was scared of her in New Vegas, and I'm scared of her now.

"I don't bluff, Jasper."

There's a moment of still silence between us. A standoff where neither one of us dare make a move. I will fight her for Zack. I will, and I won't back down. Dizzy's skin starts to glow a brighter green than usual, and I know she's getting upset. Before either one of us can say anything, or move, Cain comes running from behind the house.

"Dizzy!"

He calls, distracting her. She turns around, off guard. I could hit her right now. I could just shove her to the ground, get on top of her and just start pounding like crazy. But I don't know why I can't move.

"Your mom! Dizzy she's awake!"

The air goes still, and I don't even feel the breeze against my skin. Dizzy doesn't turn to give me a second glance, as she runs towards Cain, in a moment of excitement and determination. I'm left alone, in front of her home, in the Capital Wasteland. I suppose I could just turn around and run. Run somewhere within the ruins of the city that I see on the horizon. But if I did that, then where would I go? I have no way of navigating the city, or knowing what's out there. Not only that, but I don't even have my own gun. There's guns at Gob's house, but, none of them my own. Taking one wouldn't be so bad, but I can't steal from him. I already pissed him off enough.

Dezbe waking up could be something good, though. Maybe with that news, Dizzy will be happier and won't want to pick on me so much. Maybe in time, everyone will forget about me, because they're so focused on Dezbe, that I can start to fit in around here. Forgetting how your town was destroyed isn't something easy to do, though. If I could, I would go down to the clinic with everyone else, and celebrate just like they are. But I'm not welcome. I'm sure nobody would notice my presence…except Dizzy. I don't want to piss her off even more, knowing now that she's in control of my own relationship. Dezbe waking up could fix that, though.

Defeated, and scared, I decide to make my way back home. Instead of going down the hill, and up the ramp, I just opt to walk behind the buildings instead. That way, nobody can see me. I don't want them to see the shame written on my face. Between the homes, I can see the clinic. As I get closer to Gob's, the clinic is in a perfect view, and honestly, I can't help myself. I watch. I watch as the female ghoul, Nurse Graves, talks to Zack outside while they smoke. Zack doesn't see me, that, or he doesn't want to see me. If Dizzy wanted to ruin my relationship, now would be the perfect time.

With Zack being mad at my words this morning, and storming off like he did, it'd be easy for Dizzy to just tell him to let me fend for myself. Easy for her to just convince him I'm nothing more than an annoyance at this point. That I don't contribute to the town or anything. To be honest, fending for myself out here isn't the thing that's scaring me the most. It's losing Zack. It's losing the only guy I've ever really cared about in my entire life. The one man to show me a constant stream of kindness and love, the kind I never knew was real, but always wanted. As I stand quietly in the shadows in front of Gob's watching him finish his smoke and head inside, followed by Graves, I think I understand things better.

But I'm still upset, and angry. Angry at the fact that I can't seem to get things right out here. I always seem to mess up. I really was going to tell Dizzy about what happened, when the time was right. When things calmed down, whenever that time came. She was a good friend to me, and I got to see a side of her that I don't think a lot of people see around here. She was funny, and nice, and safe. Dizzy, when she's not scaring me, really gives off a persona of security. Like I said before, that 'don't fuck with me' air about her. The same her dad has. If I could change things, I would. But I can't. All I can do now is just sit at home and wait for Zack to get back. Though I'm not sure when that'll be. If Dezbe really is awake, and it's not just a ploy, he might be there all night. I shouldn't be mad at that, but I am. I am because…the women in that family just seem to have everything. Without any effort at all. I wish for once, something like that could come my way.

Nobody leaves the clinic again for a bit, so I opt to head inside and just wait there, so I don't look so creepy. Maybe I can poke around the house, try to find something to entertain my mind. A part of me really wants to be at the clinic. I want to be a part of their happiness and relief, too. I want to be accepted and loved, like Gob and Zack are. Like Dizzy and Cain. I, too, want what they have. A family, not bound by blood, but by love. I'd give anything really, to have that. It's so lonely, being me sometimes.

Dizzy was my first actual friend. Since I've been with Caesar's Legion this whole time, my whole life, I never could make friends. The Legion men and women weren't my friends, because they worked for a higher up. I could never trust them. Growing up in that place, I knew I was the odd man out. I knew that I was different, and that I didn't particularly matter. The only thing that kept me around was my pale skin and good looks. Other than that, I didn't give them any advantage, other than spying. I don't have a family, and Gob's home isn't my home. My home has yet to be built, and now I worry it won't ever be built. Dizzy is cruel enough to do such a thing as to ruin my relationship. I wouldn't put it past her. I want to ask her why, but I know her response wouldn't be something I'd want to hear.

Sitting on the steps, I run my fingers through my hair, and wait. I feel just as lonely here, as I did in New Vegas. Before Legion came here, and blew up Megaton, I was beginning to feel like I belonged. Like this place accepted me, and would care for me. Sure, Dezbe and I didn't really click, and Dizzy wasn't too open with me, but that was okay. It was them looking out for themselves. Now, though, I think I've really done it. If Zack decides to leave, or if Dizzy tells him what happened, I don't have a place to go. I'm back to where I started after the missile landed. There won't be a third chance for me here. And I really wanted to try things out with Zack. I wanted to see what living here, with him, in this land, would really be like. Maybe…I don't really deserve that life, though. Maybe Dizzy is right. Since I can't go six months without screwing something up, maybe I shouldn't even stick around. Maybe Megaton isn't for me, after all.


	61. Life's Waiting to Begin

(Dizzy)

The Capital Wasteland has a thick dust around it these days. A dust that comes every once in a while, from the West Coast. It carries over the loose dirt that's turning to soil, and creates small dust storms here. There are days, like today, where the sun is blocked out. As if covered by some thick film, where you can still see the light, but there's an unknowing fog surrounding it. At dusk, everything looks black, like silhouettes against the setting sun. Dark, sand-covered silhouettes, that compliments the mood and atmosphere of the Capital Wasteland these days.

I sit atop my home, watching the land through squinted eyes. Cain's duster jacket blows in the wind, as I smoke a cigarette and watch the sun setting against the city. Gob told me, that the dust storms are from the changing weather. That eventually, the land would change, and now it is. Without the help of multiple G.E. across the Wasteland. He told me, that there are times, when life simply finds a way. That eventually, no matter how destroyed, nature can come back. I never thought I'd be around to see this world changing, but then again, I didn't expect it to happen in my lifetime. Although it feels like The Pitt here now, when the sand comes in, I don't mind it. Most of the citizens do, because of the damage it can do to the crops, but I suppose they'll get over it. They seem to be well adept, to adapting.

Lifting my cigarette to my lips, I suppose I should explain what's happened. Everything that's gone down in the past six years. Yeah, it's been that long. Long enough for my hair to grow to my shoulders, and for me to chop it short, an inch off my head. Gob laughed, and called me a 'pixie'. I don't know what that is, and he told me it was a small human figure with wings, cute, and impish. I made him draw me a picture of one, and enjoyed the comparison. Well. I suppose I should start, shouldn't I? Though, there are parts, that you might not want to hear. I have no idea who I'm talking to. Maybe my own mind, maybe someone on the horizon. Sometimes, it just helps to sit alone, and think.

Mom did wake up. She opened her eyes, looked around, and saw all of us. But that wasn't the end of her battle. Mom couldn't move, or speak when she first woke. Barrows explained it to me like this: My mother was starved of radiation and nutrients. That alone wouldn't cause anyone to slip into a coma, since she only suffered for a month. What caused it was the actions following that torture. The actions of saving my father, and using her last bit of energy too quickly. Her body went into shock, and as the human mind sometimes does, shut herself down to repair itself. Only our minds are flawed, and it didn't work that way. Sure, her survival was ensured, but at a cost.

When mom did talk, it was with a heavy slur. She had some motor skills by then, it took about a week. But she couldn't control her movements. Sometimes, during her recovery, I would get so frustrated with her. I would want to just give up and tell her she wasn't my mother. Sometimes, I would actually say it. Tell her to stop disappointing me. When I did, though, I regretted it. Mom couldn't move, or talk well, but she understood everything perfectly. She understood what I said, and I could tell it broke her heart. Though she couldn't communicate it to me, I saw the tears in her eyes. I couldn't see her for a few days after that. Not because of my frustration with her, but because of the frustration with myself. How could I be so cruel to my suffering mother? How could I get so frustrated with her? She did nothing wrong, and I was irrationally angry with her. Barrows assured me it was a common feeling, and that it would soon pass. It didn't make me feel better to hear it, but I at least felt okay knowing I wasn't all the way alone. That other people felt what I was feeling, too.

When I did go back and see her, it was after she started talking, and by then the slur was almost gone. Dad stayed with her day and night, not leaving her side through any of it. Walking through that door, I saw mom and dad working on her motor skills and feelings. Mom healed surprisingly fast. She was determined, and Barrows gave her 'super radiation'. I never asked what was in it, but, it helped. Mom saw me as I came in, and the first thing she did was flip me off. My dad laughed joyously, a word I never thought I'd use to describe him, while my mother just smirked. I couldn't help myself, and I hugged her. I told her I loved her, that I never wanted her to get that sick again, and that I was so sorry. Mom forgave me, because mothers are like that.

Dad taught her how to walk. He had Gob make a 'walker' thing, for her recovery. When she got that, it was like she was never sick. She was so determined to be who she was, that half the time using it she'd just drag her legs behind her and pull herself everywhere with her arms. Of course dad hated that, because he hated seeing mom so injured, but mom didn't relent. She said that if he loved her, he would let her do what she needed to do to feel better. Dad listened, and for a time, walked alongside mom as she would drag her legs as they scraped against the dirt. But that broke his heart, and he didn't like doing it.

When dad did have to go settle with some slavers from another Wasteland, I was left alone with mom. By that point she could wiggle her toes, and lift her legs. She couldn't support herself on her own, but damn if she wasn't trying. She asked me, what my dad did while she was kidnapped. I was shocked she had asked, but when I looked at her, I could tell it'd been eating away at her. That she truly wanted to know. When I asked her why she cared, she said that…she didn't want to be lied to. That if my dad did anything, with a certain person named Jasper, she couldn't forgive him. She had to know, because she wanted to put her mind at ease, and continue on with her life. I didn't want to tell her, because it's not a proud moment in my father's life. It wasn't a happy time for anyone, all around, but I knew my mom had a right to know. I knew it then, and I know it now.

Telling mom that dad became an alcoholic, and spent all his time at the taverns and bars, wasn't an easy thing. At first her reaction was to sob into her hands, because she was so distraught over knowing my father had gotten so lost. Then, she wanted to cry because she was happy he suffered since now she knew he appreciated her more. And _then_, mom decided she would be angry at dad, because how dare he do that to me. Watching mom go through all those emotions, though, really put a smile on my face. Because for the first time since she woke up, at that moment, I knew she hadn't changed a bit. That her coma hadn't altered her in any way, and she was still that irrational human being that I loved and admired so much. She yelled at me, for laughing, but her scolding didn't last long, because dad came back.

Boy…did she tear into him. She was so mad, she…she got herself up, walked over to him, and smacked him right in the face. I'd never seen my mother hit my father, ever. In fact, I just assumed it never happened. Dad looked like he was a terrified child, trying to hide the joy in his eyes while getting a verbal lashing from my mom. Why was dad happy while mom screamed at him over his bad behavior and poor choices? Well, because she _walked_ to him. My mother was so damned angry at my father, she basically said 'fuck being cripple' and walked herself right over to him. Just to yell. In the background, you can be damn sure that I was laughing, too. I mean, wouldn't you laugh, too?

In the middle of mom's ranting and yelling, dad smiled. He smiled, which set mom off even more. But when she was about to really smack him silly, he grabbed her arms and said 'Dez, you walked', which made mom snap right out of her rage…and fall. She fell because her legs lost their strength, which only came because she was just so mad at my dad and wanted to show him what was up. But…you know, eventually…mom got better. In time, mom got right back to her old self, and her ring glowed brighter than ever before.

Gob researched the jewel that mom's ring was made of, too. It was definitely a special jewel, that's for sure. He told my dad that the gems will glow when brought together. Dad wears a vile of the shards around his neck, and Gob was right. When mom and dad were together, you could see the glow under my father's shirt when he didn't have on his armor. They dimmed when my dad left the room for a moment, and shone when he came back. But they also did something else special and different. Like mom's Pip-Boy, the jewel clung to mom's life force, for lack of a better term. So, the natural shine it had, even when dad wasn't around, dissipated completely. Which is why, dad noticed it was so dim, when he was carrying mom back from where she was taken. I thought that was really cool, but mom and dad shrugged it off like it was nothing new. I guess when you've seen as much as they have, stuff like that doesn't come off as amazing.

So. Mom got better, and her and dad were more in love than they ever were before. They weren't ever apart, unless it was a bathroom break. In my entire childhood, I'd never seen them as in love, as they were after mom woke up. It was…refreshing. It gave me a lot of hope for the future, to see them like that, and so in tune. They weren't faking it, either. My parents…were definitely soul mates, if I'd ever seen them before. But what about everyone else? How about their lives, too?

Jasper and Zack will be expecting their first child soon. Aside from me, it'll be the first baby born with two parents who are immune to radiation. With more and more humans wanting the radiation immunity now, too, there's soon going to be a whole generation of humans, with the immunity and strength that I've been blessed with. Only, they won't be like me. I'm that special one, like Zack. Our births were different, and thus, have different outcomes. Obviously, I never opened my mouth to Zack about what happened with Jasper and my father. Because when my mom woke up, that first night I went home and slept, I realized by doing such a thing, I wouldn't be any better than Jasper. I wouldn't be learning from my mistakes, and the mistakes of others. And so, the next day before I went to see mom, I told Zack to go pay attention to her. To go and love her, because I got to see firsthand what a broken heart can do to people. And although at the time I hated Jasper, I still wouldn't wish that upon anyone.

Zack did, too. He spent time with her, and they recovered from whatever hole they dug themselves in. They built a nice small house, and moved into it shortly after mom started walking. Eventually, I stopped being angry at Jasper. Not because I wanted to, but because my mom told me to. She told me that nothing good comes from hating people. But this came _after_ mom had a few choice words and smacked Jasper around. Of course, mom was walking by then, and did it to get the point across that nobody gets away with messing with her. No matter the circumstances. Two black eyes and a broken nose later, Jasper got that point right quick.

So, I forgave Jasper. In time, we even became close. She found a place where she belonged here in Megaton, once she began talking to everyone. She's actually proven quite useful in negotiating trades, too. Nobody says no to her beauty, so it came easy for her to just convince everyone to trade with us. Eventually, she learned how to survive in the Capital Wasteland, since Zack refused to begin a family with her unless she learned. You know, just in case anything happened to Zack, he wanted to be sure his family would still be safe. I'm happy for her, and her happy family. In my own rights, I could do the same as she is now, settle down, have a family, but…not right now. There's things I have to do first. Things I'm scared to do, but have to do.

Anyways. After five years of living in bliss, happiness, after mom and dad took a many trips into the Capital Wasteland, got another G.E.C.K, and things began to grow and change again, it's only natural that something would come from nowhere. You see, my dad he took these pills. They helped make him prolong his already old age. But…one day, dad fell ill. At first, we assumed it was a mutated virus. Something mom called a 'cold' even though dad didn't feel cold. She said he should be better in time. But time came and passed, and dad didn't get better, only worse.

He couldn't get out of bed eventually. His breathing was restricted, and through that…mom never left his side. Barrows came back from Rivet City for him, as Jasper immediately sent word once dad's condition didn't improve. Barrows…told us that it was just his time. That his body had reached his limit, and there was nothing we could do. Nothing. My mother she…took that news a lot better than I expected her to. She only broke two doors demanding Barrows to find a cure. Dad finally called to her, in the middle of her tantrum. I'll always remember his words that day, because…because they made me cry.

"Dezbe, I have lived a long, and wonderful life. I have seen the world, and survived the Great War. I have gone from human, to ghoul, and back again. I have seen Death, and laughed in his grim face countless times. I have gone through hell and heaven, while treating both imposters just the same. In my life, I was given a second chance, at living, and found love. I have raised a beautiful daughter, and made lifelong friends. To prolong my life now, would be an insult to all I have done, and all I have accomplished. It is my time now, and I accept my fate. Please, rest assured with the fact, that I found true happiness, here, with you, and with Dizzy. That I have no regrets, and would change nothing of my life. I love you."

When dad was finished, mom seemed to accept it a bit better. I had already accepted it by then. I knew what was coming next, and wasn't shocked when it happened. When mom turned to Barrows, and asked for a solution. Not to dad's sickness, but to her life. She said that…life without dad, would be incomplete, that she too, lived a full life. But that there's another life somewhere, and if you believe in reincarnation, her and dad will find one another again in that life. They're soul mates, after all. I wasn't upset by it. I mean, I was sad, knowing I would be an orphan, and yet…strangely enough…I understood.

Had my mother chosen to live without my father beside her, it would upset me more. Because mom isn't mom, without my dad. Fifty years is a long time to be with someone, and it's all mom ever knew. It's all she ever wanted to know. I cried, hearing my mom make her choice to leave, but they weren't full of sadness. Only…halfway sad. Because I knew mom and dad would be together somewhere else. That they'd make it wherever you go after you die. And that, I was so happy, to have parents who loved and cared one another so deeply, that something like this didn't stand in the way of it. I don't feel abandoned by them, but instead I supported my mother's choice.

Barrows did end up helping mom. It was eerie, watching her essentially prepare to die, but, comforting. Because finally, both my parents would be at peace. Nothing more could hurt them, and make them be apart. Mom dressed herself in her trademark suit from Vault 101. She stole it from someone who'd left the vault, and went mad shortly after. They're probably still wandering this Wasteland, naked, if not already dead. But mom got into her suit, with her Pip-Boy, and laid beside my father in bed. She had her gun, my father had his, and they looked like two kids on a first date. As creepy as that sounds.

There was a special IV hooked up to mom. That when Barrows unpinched the tube, would release a chemical to put mom to sleep. Slow her breathing, relax her, and give her the same death that my father would have. It was strange, seeing them both hooked up to those things, but…I was okay with it. She held my father's hand, and they both had tears in their eyes. Before the tube was let go on both sides, mom told me of a place up north. A place, where in my life, I could find some peace. But, that's not important right now.

That night, I watched my parents die. They kissed, one last time, before the fluid ran through their veins. Mom and dad held hands, and slowly drifted to sleep. I stayed till the bags were empty, while Barrows and Graves checked their pulses and heart beats. In their bedroom, with Gob, Zack, Cain, Jasper, Graves and Barrows…my parents passed peacefully in their sleep. There wasn't a dry eye in that room all night, as we cried together, laughed over stories everyone shared, and cried again. The next day, after a sleepless night, we knew we had to make arrangements. Those were up to me.

Jasper sent word to everyone she could in the Capital Wasteland, that Charon and Dezbe had finally taken their last breaths. That in my father's three-hundred plus year existence, and my mother's nearly seventy-year existence, they'd gone to have an adventure they'd never return from. People came. They came in droves, crowds bigger than those that crowded the New Vegas Strip. Over the horizon, they came, from every corner of the Capital Wasteland. Fawkes, ghouls from Tenpenny, citizens of Big Town who grew up hearing stories of my parents from their grandparents, ghouls who hadn't been seen in decades, all of Rivet City, everyone you could imagine, gathered at Megaton. It broke my heart, to see how many people my mother and father touched in their lives. To see four generations of families, talking about them, about what they'd done, about all the amazing things they shared.

A ghoul named Raul came, and Gob knew him. He was one of the first, to arrive that morning. Gob introduced me, and he said something in a language I didn't know or understand. In English, he told me I had my mother's face, and my father's cold eyes. That I was beautiful, and my mother was a beautiful woman, too. There wasn't time to talk to him then, though, as more people began to show. A dying Wernher, ripe in his age, was brought from The Pitt with his daughter, and all the residents there. Megaton couldn't fit all the people that came. There were camps set for what seemed like miles all around. A spectacle I never expected to see, ever. Bessie Lynn came, too, of course, and helped me with the preparations. If it wasn't for that woman, I never would have made it through those few days.

I chose to bury my parents, halfway between Vault 101 and where Underworld once was. The people who came dug a deep hole, and lined it with spare blankets so that they'd have something soft to lie on. Cain, Gob, Roy, and Zack carried the mattress out that my parents lied on, and walked them through the sea of people. That day, not a word was spoken. Everyone stared, looking, parting gently as we walked. The silence was soft, and unbreakable, as everyone silently remembered my parents in their own way. When we came to the grave, my parents were gently lowered down, and as the dirt began to fill…everyone shot off their weapons. Blasts rang so loudly, that for hours my ears rang annoyingly. The shots were fired off towards the city, and towards the vault, in a celebration of where my parents came from.

That night…I truly got to hear everything I wanted to hear. Stories of my mother liberating The Pitt with determination and wit, of how she went to New Vegas and ruled the Strip, of how she gave water to a strange passerby, and survived Point Lookout. How together my parents gave the residents of Tenpenny a safe place to reside in, how my mother escorted Gob to Underworld, and how my father…how my father founded Underworld, providing a safe place for ghouls all across the Capital Wasteland to stay in. Some stories were big, with detail I'd never imagined, and some were small, and simple, like my mother making a child laugh as they crossed paths, or how some people claim their parents just simply saw them in the moonlight, kissing, making love, or walking off into the sun together. I never knew that…so many people supported and loved my mother. Of course I was told it didn't begin that way, but, I didn't care about that part. When you have three-hundred some odd people you've never met, attending your parents funeral things…things get blurred together. All I could do, was cry and thank those who spoke to me for coming. All of them, though, said I was a special child. That I was born of love, and I had nothing but an amazing life ahead of me.

Cain was beside me the entire time. He was alongside me, sharing it all with me, and reflecting about how my mom found him and took him out of the facility on her back. I gave him my magnum, while I claimed my father's shotgun, letting my mother's sawed-off remain on my hip for backup. Pieces of my parents, that they left for me before their death. My father left me his gun, and left Cain his knife. But not before giving him a stern warning to take care of me. But still…Cain was there. He's always been there, these past six years, and the day my parents died. My love for him, has only grown. And when night finally came the day I buried my mother and father, I slept peacefully with him by my side. I dreamt of my parents, and they assured me that they were happy, and safe, in a world filled with lush grass, and clear blue skies. They told me they loved me, and that they were so proud of me. I woke up crying that morning, feeling as if it was really them talking to me, and not just a dream.

I'm not gonna lie…I think of my parents almost every day. I think of all the bad things I did growing up, and all the mistakes I made. I think of how I'd change it, fix it, and be the best daughter they ever could have asked for. Though I know they love me, it's just…hard now. Knowing I'll never see them again, and that this time mom isn't going to come home, or dad isn't going to walk in all blood-splattered and badass. It's just me and Cain now, really. I mean, yeah there's Gob but pretty soon…he's gonna have a grandkid. Even though he's really stepping up in my life, and being more like a father than an uncle, he's going to be busy soon. I know this, and I've come to terms with it. Megaton holds too many sad memories for me right now. I guess it's because I lost my parents in such a strange way, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to grieve for them.

It was okay with me, their choice and all. But something…there's just something that makes me sad. I guess losing your parents isn't going to be an easy thing, even if you are okay with how it goes. I'm twenty-five, and by my age, mom had already been to New Vegas and back, _and_ beat the shit out of the Enclave. Though I don't want to be like my parents, I kind of want to accomplish as much. But in my own way. I've gone to New Vegas, but I couldn't adapt like mom. How do I know she did really well out there? That ghoul, Raul told me. He's around Megaton nowadays. Said he liked it here, and that he wanted to stick around. He told me a lot of fun stories. Stories I don't even think my dad heard. He said mom was one of those women in the bar, you just didn't wanna mess with. She was wild, and free, drank and partied and fought and everything I used to want. But Raul also said she was lonely, and closed off. Didn't get close to anyone but him, and even then that was a pain in the ass. He said, at the end of the day, mom was never a badass. She was just a woman trying to prove she didn't need a man to live. But he saw the truth. Mom didn't need a man. She needed a mercenary. She needed my father.

Staying in Megaton isn't an option for me right now. Going back to New Vegas is asking for it, and I don't really want to go back there anyways. So, I've decided to go north. North, to the place mom told me about before she died. Since…Cain and I never found any answers about his programming or anything like that, even when we read all his paperwork, we gave up. But it's always gnawed at me. I think mom knew that. Because she told me about the Institute. It's a place in the Commonwealth, which my father said was once Massachusetts. That in the Institute, they make highly advanced androids. That maybe there, we'd find what we were looking for. She also told me it was horrible, violent, and dangerous place. It didn't appeal to me, but I could tell it appealed to her. I have to be careful, though, because dad said they enslave their androids up there. They'll know Cain is one, if we talk too much. But, despite the dangers, it means a lot to Cain and myself to go. Not just for answers, either. But to prove to ourselves that…we learned right. That we can carry the torch my parents passed down to us.

No, I won't do the heroic things mom and dad did. Even if they weren't heroic at the time, it turned out that way. Instead, I want to do things the Dizzy way. I want to go and find what I'm good at, what I can do and do it best. I want to…be nice to those I want to be nice to, and just be a decent human being. I'm not sure, exactly, what the Dizzy way is, but, that's what this adventure is for, right? For me, and for Cain. Maybe, somewhere along the way, I'll do something and feel like I _really_ made mom and dad proud, instead of feeling like they said it because they had to. And…and then when we get back, there's going to be a baby around. I've never seen a baby. They're not exactly a hot commodity around here, due to you know, the post-apocalyptic wasteland and all that. But soon, Barrows thinks, there'll be a boom of them. Because everyone wants in on the radiation immunity. He has to be careful on who he gives that to, though. Because we don't want an overpopulated Earth. At least, that's what he claims. I don't think this land could ever be overpopulated, but when I mentioned that, he said I wasn't experienced enough to know. Seven billion people once lived on this world. Can you imagine how crowded it was back then? I can't. I mean, I'm so used to…I mean, hardly seeing another person, let alone being shoulder-to-shoulder with them all the time. Barrows also says I'm exaggerating it in my head.

Dropping my cigarette from my hand, I let it fall onto the ground two floors below. I think the horizon looks beautiful during the dust storms. Everyone hates them but, not me. I think they fit perfectly here. And they don't do _that_ much damage to the crops. Everyone's just trying to adapt without their mercenary to protect them. I'm just trying to adapt without my parents, and being my own self for the first time in my life. I'm free now, I'm not tied to this town anymore. I can do what I want, go where I want, and say what I want. Make my own choices without someone saying something, and shoot to kill who I want. I thought I always wanted this freedom. This independence. I didn't realize, how terrifying it actually is.

"Diz? What're you doing?"

I turn and look at Cain, as he comes through the trapdoor that leads to the roof. He's cut his hair short. My father called it a 'military cut'. It's short, but it fits his face, although I'll miss playing with his longer hair. This one, though, is more serious. More grown-up, like we should be. He's also been keeping in shape, since he's the first line of defense now. So he lost some weight in his face, too. Cain's grown a lot, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I'm not sure if I've grown at all.

"Thinkin' about my parents."

Cain comes and sits beside me. I feel his hand graze mine, and I look away towards the city again.

"Are you prepared to leave Megaton?"

He asks as if I'm not. As if I'm terrified of leaving, and not having mom and dad to rely on if anything were to happen. If he assumes that, then he's right. I'm completely and utterly terrified this time around. Because now, they're not here to help me. My parents, that is.

"Yeah. As prepared as I'll ever be. Beats staying here, anyways."

As if to reassure me, I feel dad's shotgun rub against my back. I've had a hard time learning how to handle it, especially without dad there to guide me. But I've gotten really good at it. I can shoot, and not be thrown back. My arms got bigger because of it. Call me crazy though, but when I shoot it, I really don't feel that far away from my dad. I feel like, mom was right, when she said a gun has to represent its owner. Right now I'm not prepared to do this alone, but knowing I have their weapons, old as they are, makes me feel so much safer.

I…also have my father's tags. I wear them tucked into my tank top, so nobody sees them and thinks they're valuable. I mean, they're valuable to me, anyways. Priceless, really. Dad gave them to me, said he had them in Anchorage, when he fought against the Chinese. They were given upon completion of training. At first I didn't know why dad kept such a painful reminder of his past. But…I realized, after he explained it to me, that it's a part of him. Just as his arms and legs are. Like his gun and armor. In giving them to me, he was giving me a part of himself. So I'd feel safe, and know he's always looking out for me, no matter what. When the sun shines, and you can see the green glow of my skin, the chain shines bright and proud against it. To anyone else, they're nothing more than an old piece of metal with some writing on it. But…to me, they're a big part of my father. And in my mind, they keep those monsters at bay.

"We could stay here, until you're ready, Diz."

Cain says, interrupting my train of thought. I look back at him, and shrug. If I want to make my parents proud, and find myself, staying in Megaton isn't the way to go about it.

"No…no it's alright. I want to go. For myself."

"Hey!"

Below me, in the front yard, I see Gob yelling up. When he notices he caught our attention, he waves us down.

"The people from The Pitt are arriving!"

It's that time? So soon? To be honest, I didn't believe old Wernher when he told me he would have the most expert metal manipulators build a statue in honor of mom and dad. That was a year ago, anyways. I even forgot they were coming, but looking forward, past Vault 101, I see that there are in fact, figures on the horizon. And they've got a large number of Brahmin pulling something. Brahmin aren't natural to The Pitt, but Jasper opened up a trade route with them, Brahmin for steel. It worked in both of our favors, really.

"Come on, get down here!"

Cain and I figure that we should greet them. And I'm curious to see what they've made. So we make our way down, getting a break from the dust inside our home. It's our home now, my home, no longer my parents' home. I'm still not used to that.

"What do you think it looks like?"

I ask Cain as we walk down the stairs, towards the front door.

"I don't know, but the people there are really good at creating things."

He's not wrong about that. Steel is their expertise. They can build almost anything, just like out here, we can shoot and kill almost anything. I guess each region is good at something, though I don't know what New Vegas is good at. Gob meets us with Zack, and a pregnant Jasper. Her belly sure is big, and I'm not used to seeing things like that. I can't help but stare, and she laughs.

"You can feel it kicking, too."

"No shit?"

I say, in disbelief. She laughs more, along with Gob who utters a small chuckle. When Jasper told him she was pregnant, he almost cried. If it's a girl, they're naming her 'Nova', after Zack's mom. If it's a boy…I don't think they've decided.

"Really, here, feel."

She grabs my hand, and places it on her stomach. Sure enough, I feel something push against the palm of my hand. Shocked, I pull it away.

"That's freaky…"

It is, too. But everyone in Megaton has been doing that, and I never realized why. It just makes me not want to have a baby any time soon. I mean, you get really big, and she has to waddle. Plus if you can feel it moving I can't imagine it's that comfortable, but aside all that, Jasper looks positively happy and healthy. Sometimes I think her skin glows more than mine, even though she's not as awesomely irradiated as I am.

"It's normal, Dizzy. Come on, let's go wait for them to get here."

Jasper…she's a good person. She doesn't hold against my past hate for her, just like I don't hold against her past actions against her. She's almost like the sister I never had, and I'm thankful for that, because I had a hard enough time growing up with Cain. Having a sister would have probably made things a bit worse. Or better. I'm not sure.

"I wonder what it looks like…"

I say aloud, and everyone shrugs. They know as much as I do, about this statue. I don't think they believed The Pitt would construct one, either. It just seemed like a nice gesture. One people would say to make you think they cared, or something like that.

"It's got Big Iron on it…"

Jasper says, squinting her eyes as they draw closer. It's hard to see in the dust, but they're not too far away now. She calls my father 'Big Iron', in homage to the song played in New Vegas. She claims she can't help it, that my father is just so much like the Ranger. Silent, deadly, and protective. I never argued her.

"How can you tell?"

I ask her, trying to see.

"I just got a feeling. Plus it looks like people."

'People' isn't really my father. Out of mutual eagerness, we all venture from Megaton and decide to meet them halfway. A scout for them shouts they've made it, and numerous people cheer. I can't imagine it was easy for them to get here, and with the number of Brahmin they seem to have, the statue isn't anything to laugh at, size-wise.

"Dizzy, hello!"

Everyone in The Pitt knows my name, even if I don't know their's.

"Hi. I'm surprised you came…"

I say, not wanting to sound rude or anything. Lucky for me, Gob takes over. He's better at interacting with people. I've become kind of a hermit, and social etiquette escapes me at time.

"Is that the statue?"

Gob asks, and the leader, nods in proud accomplishment. As it draws near, we look at what seems to be the base. Before it can go any further, the leader stops his men.

"Boys! Bring her up!"

I watch as they all position themselves around the statue, and together, they push and pull until it stands upright. It nearly takes my breath away, if I had any left. But, it does bring tears to my eyes. In front of me, standing twelve feet tall, an extremely detailed statue of my parents stands. My father stands, his shotgun in his hand, resting on his shoulder. His armor is perfectly detailed, his face, his hands, everything down to his boot laces. It's like…it's him. Just encased in stone and taller. Beside him, my mother stands in her vault suit. Her back is to my father, but their shoulders touch, as her hand is clasped in my father's free hand. Almost like they're two square pieces that touch corners. Enough to know they're close, and connected, but apart enough to respect their individuality. My mother's hair is wild, and flowing past her shoulders. I notice, they even drilled small holes in her face for her freckles. Every wrinkle in her suit, her Pip-Boy screen, and each scar is detailed down to a meaningful and precise point. While my father has his eyes closed, and a stoic look on his face, with his head slightly bowed…my mother…has that look. That look of life, and spark, and adventure that lies just beyond the horizon. A smirk, with half-closed eyes, just to cloud the dust. But you can still see that spark in her eyes, and you know when you look at it, that she's planning something. Something that'll get her in trouble, but it's alright, because she has my father right there at the ready. Her shotgun is carved at her hip, with her name in the handle just as it is upon my own hip. Her free hand, is at her side, open like she's preparing to grab at something just at her feet. I'm in tears, at the detail, and how they've perfectly captured my parents, and their personalities.

"Oh, look…"

Gob says, and I notice he's looking at the base. I hadn't noticed, they'd carved anything into it. Below the steel sand in which my parents stand, there's a flat area, and there's writing. Under my father's feet, his name, birth date, and death date. The same resides below my mother's, and I wonder why the writing is so small, until I look below that.

_The mercenary, and the matriarch, of the Capital Wasteland;_

_ A love and spirit that lives on forever in our hearts._

I run my fingers over the writing, as tears fall down my cheeks, turning the dust into mud.

"You mother liberated us, saved us all. I never would have been born, had it not been for her. It's the least we can do in return."

My tears thank them, so my voice doesn't have to. Gob decides to place it over their grave, as a figure matching that of the Washington Monument. It takes everyone aside from Jasper and me, to move the upright statue a few yards to the right. But when it's placed, over the bullets, rusted weapons, and other trinkets people leave in their memory, I know there's no spot more perfect. Between both of their homes, in the middle of the barren Wasteland, for people to see and admire all around. My parents…for me to visit. The statue is so well done and detailed, that on drunk nights I may have a hard time not believing it's them. Reaching up, I put my hand over my parents', and hope they know how much they meant to everyone.

"You okay, kid?"

Gob asks me, and I shake my head. He makes everyone depart to Megaton, even Cain. I feel his hands on my shaking shoulders, as my hand slides from theirs. My knees buckle, and I fall atop their grave, gifts scattering all around me. Gob bends down, and wraps me in a warm and loving hug. The times I get weak, I fall to him. He's good, at comforting a sad child. At least, this sad child.

"It's alright, Dizzy."

I press my face into his dusty white shirt, and grip his back, mourning once more my parents.

"I miss them…"

I hear Gob sniff during my sentence, and I know, he's crying too.

"…I miss 'em too. I miss 'em so much…"

Together, Gob and I cry a bit. He lets me vent, before pulling himself from my grip just enough so that he can see my face. I can see his, too, and he's crying just as bad as I am.

"But…your mother would smack us for blubbering now, wouldn't she?"

Smiling through my tears, I laugh as more come out.

"Yeah, she would. And dad…"

"Well, the Charon I knew would roll his eyes with a 'I didn't see nothin', I don't know nothin', look on his face."

I laugh more, because that does sound like my father. Gob wipes my face clean with his palm, and holds my cheeks gently in his hands.

"Diz…you got more of 'em in you than you know. Cain ain't no copy of your dad, _you _are. You got his eyes, an' that intimidating look he's got. But you got your mother's wild drive, and deep down, you know you'd like some adventure, too."

Sheepishly, I nod in agreement. Gob brings me back into a hug, as if he's going to lose me, too.

"You're the daughter I ain't never had, kid…and you're the last bit of Dezbe I got left…"

Gob loved my mother. He loved her more than a man aside from my father could love a woman. He told me, that they'd been together for a short time in the past. That he trusted her, and their close and deep friendship is what made it work. What made him love her. He said…he never found love after Nova, because the only woman to match her was my mother. That now since she's gone, there's nobody in the world who could match them both. I never knew Nova, but, she must have been a beauty. Or crazier than my mom. But, either way, Gob lost two women he loved, and his best friend. Him and my dad, though mostly throwing things at one another, really did care about the other. Gob's all alone now, since Zack has his own family. I hope that when I leave, he'll be okay.

"You're so much like your father, Diz, be careful."

He whispers. Confused, I pull away from him and wipe my face clean. I always thought being a part of mom would be my downfall. Why my father?

"But…mom was crazy…"

"Yeah, an' smart. Your dad…an' you, ya both do the wrong things for the right reasons. Try bein' careful with that, alright?"

"I will. I promise."

Gob helps me to my feet, and we take one last look at the statue.

"Goddamn asshole always gotta be bigger than me, doesn't he?"

The rivalry between them hasn't died, and it warms me inside. Gob and I walk back to Megaton, doing our best to hide the fact that we were just crying. But it wouldn't matter, because everyone understands nowadays.

"I got somethin' up at the house for ya. I'll bring it to you now, since I know you're leavin' tonight."

With that, he walks towards his house, vanishing in the setting sun and the dust. Cain comes from the front of the house, and puts his arm around me. He has a pack slung over his back, with his gun over it.

"Ready?"

He's asking in more than one light. I can tell by the tone of his voice. Finding the last bit of energy strength I have emotionally, I look up at him.

"I have to be, don't I?"

"Forcing yourself to leave Megaton isn't a smart thing, Diz. I know you want to go…but…"

"But if I don't go now, I'll never go. And…and I can't wait anymore. It's time we found things for ourselves. Saw more of everything."

Although the sun is setting, I feel as if there's rays of light coming down through the dust. As if I have some renewed sense of hope, and an ignited desire to really have an adventure. Not one with people, a group, but just with Cain. To see if our love is as strong as my parents' was. To see if the world can be as fun for us, as it was for them, without all the danger. Soon, Gob returns with a small metal box in his hand. I stare at him, confused.

"It's a radio, kid. A radio that has one frequency, and a microphone. On the first of every month, I'm gonna tune in to that frequency, an' you better be on the other end. I'll give you till the third to reply, before I have Jasper send out scouts for ya. You hear me, kid? You get out there, and do what you gotta do, but you come back. We need you here. I need you."

Jasper, pregnant as she is, still never gets told no. Taking the radio, I hand it to Cain and he puts it in the pack on his back. Hopefully he packed some Insta-Mash Potatoes. I really like those. Just the powder, not the actual food. I don't know why.

"I'll come back safe. And I'll check in. You can't run this town without me."

Gob hugs me, and kisses the top of my head.

"Go, get outta here before your father comes back an' kicks my ass for letting you off."

Gob became my parent, after mine died. I'm old enough not to have any, some kids lose their parents by seventeen, I hear. But somehow, Gob knows I'm stunted when it comes to emotional independence. Dad never asked him to do this, and neither did mom, but I think it was a silent agreement that if anything were to happen, Gob would be the one to step in. My mom and dad would have done the same for him and Zack. Megaton, I'll miss. But what I'll miss most is the family my parents created for me.

Not just them, either. No I have Gob, Zack, Jasper and a small baby that'll be my niece or nephew soon. With Cain added in through adoption, and my parents, we're one weird ass broken family. Broken, not very big, but still good. Yeah, we're still pretty good, I'd say. Walking away from Megaton, Cain grabs my hand, and looks me in the eye.

"Here we go. Are you ready for this, Diz? We can still turn back?"

As we pass my parents' statue, I look at it, and smile.

"No. Life's waiting to finally begin."

And so we set off, into the set sun, as darkness encroaches. We're going to the Commonwealth, to the Institute. Along the way, we're going to have some amazing times, and some terrible times. We're going to fight things, and one another. We're going to do a lot, before we end it by returning. But the start and the end don't matter, it's the memories we're going to make in the middle that count. Memories that'll range from tender, and loving, to hate and spite. We're going to walk every road, but there's no worries. Because we'll pick one another up. When we're both down, we'll be down together. My parents taught me, that no matter how hard life gets…it's going to be okay. And if it's not okay, it's not the end. And if it's not the end, then there's still hope. There's always hope.


End file.
